First Light Second Chances - RE-VAMPED
by KNeu21
Summary: REVAMPED and BETTER! Sequel to NeverEnding Midnight-Set during Breaking Dawn: After one of the hardest years of her life, Leandra begins to mature. Including developing a gift of her very own. Leandra's view of Breaking Dawn, and everything else involved with getting older while being stuck between humans and vampires. Summary sucks, story is much better. Rated *M*! COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**~*DiSCLAIMER!*~ I don't own anything Twilight related. Unfortunately. You know that by now, I'm sure. **

**A/N: Here it is, folks. A brand, shiny new chapter to the hardest book of the series. There will be changes in here, but bear with me as I do my best not to change it too much. Without further adieu, here is chapter one. Enjoy!**

**Chapter One**

I was stealthy. Nobody would hear me up. Nobody would know-

"Shorty, get back into bed."

Damn.

Instead of following Emmett's suggestion, I left my room. However nervous I was, I felt better being out of there. I put on my best pout as I stopped in the hallway, hoping I'd get my way again tonight.

Looking my way from their various seating positions, were Emmett, Esme and Carlisle.

"Again, shorty?" Emmett asked, and I could only give him a sheepish, apologetic look.

"Please?" I asked, biting my lip. He sighed, and patted the empty couch cushion between him and Carlisle. I smiled and wasted no time in crossing the room, "Like clockwork." He pointed out as I settled onto the couch, laying down and curling into a tiny ball. My head beside Emmett's leg, my feet beside Carlisle's. Taking the couch pillow Emmett offered and the blanket draped over the back of the couch as he dropped it on me, "Go to sleep, shorty." Taking his advice, my eyes closed. I didn't miss his glance to Carlisle before I did.

It'd been this way for two weeks now. Every night, I'd attempt to sleep in my room, but it never failed. A nightmare would wake me up before I was asleep thirty minutes. Ever since Jack had been here, I hated being in there. Even with the door open, even with the light on. The bed had been replaced. The bedding thrown out, and replaced as well.

Even being allowed to fall asleep on the couch, and being moved back to my room didn't work. Even if I didn't wake at being lifted from the couch, I'd wake ten to thirty minutes after being settled back in bed, and it'd start all over again.

Sleeping medication didn't help. In fact, it made the entire situation worse. All that would do was trap me in my nightmare, and the nightmare would progress. Instead of ending with Carlisle throwing Jack off of me like what really happened, in my nightmare, Carlisle never came. I never admitted that part, never admitting that the dream just got worse, as I knew it'd only make them feel bad for leaving me alone that day, but I think they felt bad anyway. Which, in turn, made me feel bad, on top of feeling exhausted.

Nothing they tried had helped.

Unable to get sleep in my own room, I'd make my way out into the living room, and sleep on the couch. Often too exhausted to care how loud they were, which wasn't loud at all. They hardly made any noise.

Carlisle didn't like the idea of me being out here. He said it was because that no matter how quiet they were, I was such a light sleeper, I'd stir at the slightest movement or sound. Even if they were completely silent, I'd still somehow sense the movement in the room. Sometimes they could get away with it, but it was anyone's guess when I'd hear them. I wouldn't get the rest I needed. I denied it, because I never remembered being woken, but the evidence didn't lie. The dark circles under my eyes, and my constant exhaustion proved that he was right.

Every one of the other bedrooms had been offered to me, but I wasn't comfortable accepting them. Those were their rooms. Their place to go to get away from my scent. I avoided going into their rooms at all costs, just for that very reason. Them disappearing into their rooms didn't help, we quickly learned, as I found it difficult to fall and stay asleep with the living room empty.

The absolute only way I could get any sleep at all, was around my family. Right here. On the couch.

It bothered me that I had to come out here. It did. I felt so stupid. I felt stupid because here I was, two days away from turning eleven years old, and I couldn't even sleep in my own bed, but it didn't change the fact that I did. I had to come out here. There was no other choice for me now.

And I felt so guilty for disturbing their nighttime routine. They assured me the only thing that bothered them was that they'd wake me, but that didn't help. I didn't believe them. I knew that part of them wished I'd just stay in bed. Whether for my own health, or so they didn't have to be so careful.

I was told that after Edward and Bella got married, and he moved out, I'd get his room, but that was still a month away. And even then, I'd be alone. There was no guarantee that just moving into another room would be any help at all.

I wasn't sure how much more of this new routine I could take before I would crack. My days were spent yawning, too tired to work with Jasper. He never asked, but I knew he was eager. I really couldn't do much anymore, as tired as I was.

Jack was gone now, for good this time, yet I still didn't feel safe. In the place I felt safest, I didn't feel safe, because to me, it didn't feel like he was gone. I still saw him. I tried not to think too much about that, to avoid upsetting myself any more. Though I was almost too tired to cry, I didn't want to risk it.

I woke the next morning as I always did. Stretched out instead of in the small, neat ball I'd been in when I fell asleep. Hair a mess, but still exhausted.

Andrew had come back from Montana the day before, and I was supposed to see him this morning. My eyes burned in their tiredness, though, and it was hard just to keep them open. Carlisle asked them to come here instead, mostly in the hopes that maybe seeing him would do me some good, and by the time Andrew stepped up to the couch, the most I'd moved was rolling over so I could sleepily watch TV with Emmett. Yawning just about every other minute. I tried, though. Seeing him, I forced myself to sit up with some effort, forcing a smile as I did so.

"You look like crap." Andrew pointed out, surprised. He took a seat beside me, and I looked him over.

"Thanks." I muttered. He'd clearly hit a growth spurt. Just a little one, but enough for me to notice a difference.

"Are you sick, or something?" Andrew asked, worried.

"No." I sighed, "It's a long story that I.. Can't really explain right this second." Andrew looked around.

"Okay.." He murmured, "Wanna go to your room?" It wasn't like I could tell him no without having to explain, so I sighed. Forcing myself to my feet, he followed. I really didn't want him to know that his best friend was days of sleeplessness away from losing her damn mind.

Due to my lack of sleep, my emotions were all over the place. Like I couldn't control them anymore. One second, I'd be pissed at something, and the next, I'd cry my eyes out. It was both very concerning to Carlisle, and slightly irritating to Jasper.

Lately, it seemed to me as if the entire family had been watching me, waiting for something. The closer I came to turning eleven, the older I got, it was as if they were more tense. The worse my emotions seemed to get, the closer they watched. I hadn't the slightest clue why, but again, I wouldn't let myself think about that too much. My emotions were all over the place as it was, and I had to constantly concentrate on an exhausted sort of calm. A strange kind of numbness, that at any second, could easily be tugged either in the direction of anger, or tears.

My emotions were so unpredictable, Jasper often stayed away, because as usual, when I was blind-sided by a sudden crying fit, he felt it too. Usually over the stupidest things, too. I blamed my lack of sleep for my sudden, overwhelming emotions. At any given time, someone would startle me, or comment on how I really looked like I needed sleep, and I'd either get really angry, mad enough to want to punch something, or start sobbing. It was puzzling, to say the least, especially when I'd be fine the next minute.

And it was these emotions that scared Andrew as soon as the bedroom door was closed. I burst into tears the moment my eyes landed on the clean area of the carpet. The spot that was just a little lighter than the rest of the carpet. The same spot that kept me from sleeping in here at night. The same spot that was the reason I felt so stupid. That same damn spot was why I was such a wreck.

"Uh.." He muttered, watching my tears fall, "Did I say something wrong?"

"No." I sobbed, shaking my head, "I'm just so tired."

"You still haven't been sleeping?" He asked, worried now. He'd been aware of my sleeping problems before he'd left, considering it started the night after Jack died.

"Not really, no." I admitted, trying to get ahold of myself, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He assured me, "Here, come sit." He led me to the bed, and nearly had me sit in the exact same spot that the other blood had been, but I shoved away, choosing to sit near the pillows instead. He also found that strange, but decided against asking.

"So what's wrong?" He asked, frowning, "Really. I thought you'd be doing better by the time I got back." It was understandable that he'd think that, as that's what I told him, but I wasn't. I was worse. Much worse than before he left.

Unable to think clearly, I decided that telling him the truth would be the best way to go.

"I hate it in here." I whimpered, looking to him, "I can't sleep, I can't think in here."

"Why?" He asked, "It's just a room." I shook my head, and he frowned in confusion.

"Remember.." I sighed, "A few weeks ago? When I fell out of the tree? Remember?"

"I remember." He nodded, "You could have killed yourself."

"I didn't fall." I admitted quietly, "That was Jack." His eyes widened, and he scooted closer, "Jack did that. He came here when my family was out. Stupidly, very stupidly, I let him in. They were coming right back, so I-I thought-"

"You let him _in_?" Andrew asked, shocked, "Why would you do that?"

"Believe me, I've heard this all before." I said, "It was my own stupid fault what happened." My sluggish mind had to come up with the rest of the story, "He left before they got back, thankfully leaving me alive."

"Wow." He murmured, still wide eyed, "So wait. They left you here alone? All of them?" I had not expected the conversation to go this way, "What were they doing that they needed everybody gone? They couldn't have left one person here to watch you?"

"That's not the point." I said after a moment, and he seemed to sense my need to let it go. He sighed, shaking his head.

"I'm glad you're okay, at least." He murmured.

"Yeah." I sighed, "Except now, I can't sleep in here. I have to go out there and sleep on the couch."

"That can't be easy." He said, "No wonder you look so tired."

"No matter what they've tried, I can't stay in here."

"What did he _do_?" He asked, worry clear in his brown eyes.

I sighed, "Hit me, and choked me." I decided to leave the other part out. I didn't feel up to thinking about that too much. It was humiliating, and it scared me even to think of what might have happened had Carlisle been just five minutes too late, "He told me that he'd come back. He wasn't giving up."

"And what Jasper's been teaching you didn't work?" He asked.

"No." I admitted, looking down at my hands, "I was too scared. I didn't keep my head like he told me to. Jack didn't even give me a chance this time to prepare myself. It's like he knew what I did last time, and just.." I sighed, "I kept messing up, and all it did was make him more mad."

"That was same night he died, right?" He asked, and I nodded, "Serves him right." He paused, "So.. In here..?" I nodded a little.

"I ran toward my room, but he was quicker. He caught me, and brought me in here. He hit me, and I landed on the floor. Over there." I nodded toward the spot, "I bled on the carpet. It's been cleaned so many times, but I can still tell." He stood and walked over, barely being able to tell where the carpet was lighter. He frowned in thought, looking around the room.

"Hold on." He said, and left the room. I sat there, fidgeting slightly until he returned. Carrying a rather large potted plant from the hallway, he plopped it down over the spot. I couldn't help laughing a little, "There. Now it's a plant."

"I don't know how well that'll work," I snorted a little, "But thanks." He came back over and sighed, sitting back down.

"At least I got you to smile." He said, "It was worth a try."

"That's not the only reason, though." I murmured.

"Is there another spot?" He asked and I nodded.

"Right beside you." I said, and he looked. Trying to see something that wasn't there. My heart sped up just remembering it. Remembering how scared I was, pinned under his weight so easily.

"On the bed?" He asked, and I nodded again, looking down. He was quiet for a second, "Have you tried changing the blanket?"

"The whole bed has been replaced." I replied, and he blinked in surprise, looking back down at the blanket, "I can't do it. I can't sleep in here. I just feel so cornered in here." We were quiet for a minute, both looking at the plant now standing in the room.

"You know, I really don't know how you do it." He finally said.

"Do what?" I asked, looking over.

"Stay so strong." He said, "After what I saw that day, in my yard.." He trailed off pausing as I looked down, "I couldn't imagine _that_ for most of my life. Really I couldn't."

"It was normal to me." I explained, "Like I said. I never had what you had growing up. I didn't have my dad, and I certainly didn't have my family. I didn't have anybody."

"Even now, though." He reasoned, "There's nobody tougher than you." I forced a laugh, shaking my head.

"Yet I can't even sleep in my own room because of a spot on the carpet."

"That's understandable, though." He said, "For.. What? Six years?" I nodded, "Six years you lived with the guy, and when you finally thought you got away, there he is again."

"Your point?" I asked quietly. I didn't like the reminder.

"My point is that the place you felt was always safe, here, wasn't safe anymore." He said, "That causes problems in anybody, Leandra. Personally, I'd probably scream if I ever had to set foot back in here. You're tough for just sitting in here. Don't feel bad just because you can't sleep in here. I think it's just one of those things that will sort itself out when it decides to." I smiled a little, sighing.

"So.." I mumbled, needing to change the subject, "How was Montana?"

"Boring." He replied, "Nothing but sheep and grass. A lot sunnier, but way more boring. And sharing a room with two eight year olds? Fun." I laughed a little, unable to help it, "Oh, that's funny?"

"Yes." I laughed, "It could have been worse."

"How?"

"You could have had to share the barn with the sheep." I offered, and he laughed.

"Okay, you're right. It could have been worse." He admitted, "Although I'm sure the barn would have been cleaner." We both laughed this time, and he watched me as I yawned. Going quiet for a few seconds, "Maybe you should try to sleep?"

"That probably wouldn't be a good idea." I mumbled, shaking my head.

"Come on." He said, "I'll sit with you."

"You'd get bored."

"I'll probably sleep too." He said, "It was a long drive. Come on." He had me scoot over, "I'll even take this side." This was something I hadn't tried yet, having Andrew sit beside me, so I sighed.

"Okay." I allowed, "But I'm saying this probably isn't a good idea." He reached down, and grabbed the thin blanket covering the foot of the bed, and I reluctantly laid down. He handed it to me, and I shook my head, laying the blanket out over me. I rolled over, curling into it. Making sure to keep the blanket away from my mouth, tucked under my chin.

Laying beside me, he was right there each time I opened my eyes a little.

"Just rest." He told me, "I'll wake you up if I have to go anywhere." Before he'd even finished saying that, I was asleep.

Unfortunately, his presense wasn't enough to keep me from dreaming. As soon as I was asleep, my mind was filled with the sight of Jack's ice dark blue eyes. Staring into mine, calmly. His hand stroking the side of my head, almost gently, until it wasn't so gentle anymore. His hand balled in my hair, his other around my neck. Squeezing until no sound could escape. His mouth covering mine.

Except in this dream, they had been too late. As with many other times before, my mind decided that this time, I wouldn't be saved in time.

I felt myself gasp for air, but this was more realistic. A lot more realistic than my dreams before. I actually felt the pain in my lower stomach, the pain I always felt when he went too far, instead of it only being a memory. My heart pounded, and I felt myself fight, pure terror rolling through me.

"Leandra." I bolted up, fighting out from under the blanket at Andrew's worried call. I stopped myself before I could fall off the side of the bed, my fingers clinging tightly to the mattress as I gasped for breath. His eyes were on me, "Wow." He watched as I started to cry heavily. Instantly in loud, sobbing tears.

The door opened, and Carlisle came in at the sound of my sobbing, Richard following. To my surprise, I still felt the pain. The intense ache in my lower stomach that had woken me. I still felt it, and I looked to Andrew.

"What did you do?" I cried, and he seemed shocked, as did Richard.

"I didn't do anything." He defended himself, "What are you-"

"What happened in here?" Richard asked firmly, following Carlisle quickly to the bed.

"She fell asleep." Carlisle replied quietly. He sat beside me and pulled me to him, and I turned my face into his shirt. Drawing my legs up. Curling into an awkward half ball, the ache keeping me from fully drawing my legs up like I wanted to. The longer it was there, the harder I trembled.

"I don't know what happened." Andrew said, "She was sleeping fine until she rolled over. Curling up in the blanket."

"Was the blanket covering any part of her face?" Carlisle asked, and he shrugged.

"A little." He said, "I mean, it wasn't a lot. Her chin, and her mouth, but it wasn't tight or anything. I didn't see anything wrong with it." I clung to Carlisle, slowly beginning to calm down. Taking deep breaths, my tears making my cheeks cold as they began to dry there.

"It's okay, Andrew." Carlisle told him, seeing how bad he felt, "She's okay. She's just a little more sensitive today than before."

"Can I ask why?" He asked, scooting closer to me, "Was there something I should have done?"

Richard's worried eyes looked me over, until he suddenly wasn't worried anymore. Seeing something I didn't, he looked up at the ceiling.

"Oh." He said, understanding replacing the worry, "Was she at school for the uh.." He seemed embarrassed.

"No." Carlisle answered.

"And you haven't had a chance to.." He trailed off again.

"Not yet." Carlisle answered again, sighing.

"Oh boy." Richard sighed, laughing a little, "She'll be alright, son. I think we should go."

"But dad-"

"Come on." He said, waving a little to him, "Let's go." Andrew reluctantly made his way off the bed. From that area, he saw something that seemed to worry him. His eyes widened, and he looked up at Richard.

"Dad." He said, panic in his voice, "What's she-"

"Later." Richard murmured as he started toward the door.

"But dad, she's hurt-"

"No she isn't." Richard laughed, shaking his head, "I'll explain it to you on the way home." Richard chuckled again, calmer now. Which helped both him and me.

"Why not here?" Andrew asked, "Dad, what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing. I'll explain.. On the way home." Richard told him firmly, and he whined, glancing back at me before Richard managed to lead him from the room. Closing the door behind him. I didn't know what they were looking at, or what worried Andrew so much. All I knew is my stomach still hurt, and it wasn't going away. Andrew had to have done something.

I looked up at the door opening again, and Esme stepped in. Laughing a little.

"The poor dear was so scared." She murmured, making her way over, "So is this one." She gave me a comforting smile. I watched, confused as she opened the top dresser drawer. Pulling out a clean pair of my underwear. She held her hand out to me, and I sniffled a little, making my way off the bed.

She led me into the bathroom and closed the door. I hadn't felt the blood there. Had no idea it was there, so as soon as I saw it, I panicked.

"What the fuck?" I screamed, not used to seeing anything like the mess there before. My underwear had caught most of it, but it managed to leak through to my pajama bottoms. Just a little. I started to sob again the more Esme struggled not to laugh.

"Come here, honey." She said, "I'm so sorry for laughing. I know this is scary, but listen."

Explaining everything as I cleaned myself up, she was completely calm, which helped calm me down. I eventually stopped crying long enough to believe her.

"We should have prepared you for this." She said, "We thought we'd have more time."

I let her lead me from the bathroom, now extremely embarrassed.

"That was the best reaction I've ever heard." To my further embarrassment, Emmett was laughing. Practically rolling on the couch, "Oh damn, that was hilarious."

"Stop it." Alice smacked his arm, "Don't laugh at her."

"I'm not laughing at her." Emmett defended himself, "I'm laughing at her reaction. There's a difference." He chuckled a little more, looking to me standing awkwardly beside Esme, "To be fair, shorty, I'd have done the same. Or fainted." I couldn't help laughing a little at the thought of that, "Seriously, though. It's nothing to be freaked out about. It just means you can have kids now." That really simplified it, and I calmed further. He paused, "But if you get pregnant before you're thirty, I'll kick your butt."

"Oh, stop it." Esme laughed behind me, "It's a little early for that."

"It's never too early to let her know where I stand on the whole thing." He stated, turning back to the TV, "Especially with those kids she runs around with."

"What about them?" I asked, confused.

"They're boys." He told me as if it should have been obvious.

"So?" My tired brain wasn't getting it.

"You're not the only one growing up, is what he's getting at." Alice answered, and that helped. I sighed and sat down. This would take some getting used to.

"They're not gonna care." I mumbled, readjusting how I sat. He shrugged, but let it go for now. The only comfortable position I could find was sitting with my feet under me. Tucked to the side.

"You shouldn't sit like that." Emmett pointed out.

"It's comfortable." I mumbled again, not bothering to move.

"But it's bad for your knees-"

"But it's comfortable." My tone was snappier than I meant it to be as I looked to him and his surprised expression. Though this was nothing new, it seemed harsher. More intense. It surprised me too how quickly I could get irritated. I hadn't expected that, but I didn't back down.

"Okay." He chuckled, giving up. Raising his hands in defeat, he let it go. Esme was amused, as was Alice, so that must have been normal. He glanced at me, "You know, when you're pissed, your eyes get just a little lighter in color." That was such an off the wall comment, that all I could do was look over at him. The goofy smile he gave me made it impossible to stay irritated. I just laughed and shook my head, looking forward again.

"You're going to have to teach the boys how to do that." Alice murmured, smirking as she stood, turning and heading up the stairs. I watched after her, frowning. She wasn't someone I wanted to snap at, so I let it go.

I just laid my head to the side, trying to get comfortable. It was very difficult to do. Eventually, I had to straighten my legs out, because my knees were hurting.

"I told you." Emmett muttered, smirking as well.

"Shut up." I grumbled. He seemed to find this to be a new game he could play.

The rest of the day consisted of him seeing how often he could piss me off. It kept me awake at least, but by the time night came, I was even less willing to go to bed. I was told that the intense ache in my lower stomach I felt was normal, but I hated it. I hated it so much. It completely ruined my mood, surprisingly making me defensive.

I wasn't particularly angry at anyone, just the feeling of it. Even with something for the pain, the longer I sat there waiting for it to kick in, the more defensive I got. A ticking timebomb sitting there with my knees drawn up. Emmett picking on me wasn't helping.

I was assured that it shouldn't be that bad all the time, that after awhile I'd get used to it, but I didn't pay much attention to that. Telling me that didn't help me now.

"Oh, cheer up, frowny face." Emmett smiled that night, and the look I gave him had him smirk, scooting closer and putting his arm around my shoulders, "Look, I know it's tough, but try to look on the bright side. This means you'll start to grow up, and maybe I won't call you shorty as much."

"Emmett, will you _please_ stop antagonizing her?" Jasper sighed, stepping through the room toward the stairs, "Just leave her be for a little while."

I hid my eyes against my knees, feeling conflicting emotions. This was something new to me. Like I couldn't decide whether I wanted to cry or yell. Whether I was angry, or depressed.

"Oh, she knows I'm just messing with her." He said, "Right, shorty?" Crying won. Unfortunately, with his arm around me, he was able to feel the silent sobs I held back, which only embarrassed me, and made the crying worse, "Aw, shorty." He sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Congratulations." Jasper muttered on his way back downstairs with a piece of paper in his hand, "Good job, Emmett. Do you really _enjoy_ making hard situations harder, or is it unintentional?" He was reacting off my emotions, given his irritated tone. Jasper almost never spoke like that to him.

"Hey, I didn't know she'd cry like this." Emmett said defensively, "I do it all the time."

"Today of all days, I think, would have been a very good day to avoid doing that." Jasper replied, "Geez, do you ever think?"

"Hey-"

"Easy." Esme came into the room, "Jasper, it's okay. I've got her." She nodded to him and he sighed, turning and leaving the room once more. I was sobbing openly now, and I still didn't know why. Emmett picked on me all the time, and I never cried because of it. I usually just picked on him right back.

Emmett moved over and Esme replaced him, pulling me into her side. Much the same way as she did the day I first met her. I stayed in my ball this time, though, feeling more and more stupid the longer I cried. I wasn't used to this. This bothered me, but having Esme there helped.

She didn't tell me to calm down. She didn't tell me that it was normal, or supposed to happen. She just let me cry, letting me know that it'll pass soon. Knowing that I already knew why I was crying. Something about hormones, but I didn't care about that.

And she was right. A few minutes later, my cries were interrupted by a yawn, which seemed to calm me right down. Just as suddenly as my tears started, they were over. Getting ahold of myself, I looked up. Very confused now.

"Better?" Esme asked, and I looked up at her. Nodding, slightly dazed. She gave me a smile and cleared my hair from my shoulder, "You get used to it, honey. Don't worry."

"I hope so." I mumbled, "Because this sucks."

I didn't even try to sleep in my room that night. I knew it would have been useless. I just lay curled up on the couch, watching whatever Emmett watched on TV until late at night when he finally turned the TV off and jumped up. I picked my head up, seeing the grin on his face as he jogged up the stairs.

He did that all the time, so I didn't think anything of it. I just rolled over, facing the back of the couch now. Unable to really get comfortable, so I just settled for whatever position I was in, and closed my eyes. Maybe moving my feet a little.

"Leandra." I opened my eyes again at Carlisle's voice, looking down to him sitting at the other end of the couch. His tone told me he had something on his mind, "I overheard your conversation with Andrew earlier." I waited, "I'm fully aware of the fact that you and he are close, but I want you to be careful."

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting up a little. Raising up on my elbow.

"I want you to be very careful about what you tell him." He said, "It's very crucial that you think hard about what you let him in on."

"I know." I muttered, confused, "I know that."

"It's just that.." He sighed, putting his book down, "Well, really everything you tell him has to be thought about. Planned beforehand, otherwise things can get very complicated, very quickly. You pause too long answering a question, perhaps next time, he won't let it go so easily." I looked down, "And just like that, you've found yourself in a tough situation."

"I hate lying to him." I said, "I hate lying at all, but especially to him."

"I know." He said, "But it's really for his own safety, Leandra." He had a point. It still bothered me, but I could easily see his point.

I sighed but nodded, "Okay. I'll be more careful."

"Thank you." He nodded as well, watching as I laid back down, "And please don't hold it against Emmett."

"I know." I yawned, "I'm not even mad anymore. He doesn't mean anything by teasing me. He never does." I was quiet, blinking tiredly at the back of the couch, "Carlisle?" I finally asked, rolling onto my back. Meeting his eyes as he looked to me, "Can't I just skip my birthday this year?"

"Are you still upset over it?" He asked, remembering how much I hated my birthday the year before.

"It's not so much the day," I said, "But who's going to be there. I'm embarrassed, I guess, at how I yelled at Andrew today."

"He'll understand." Carlisle assured me, "I think he was more worried than upset, Leandra."

"Yeah." I sighed, looking at my fingers, "I never expected that. The pain, I mean."

"That's my fault." He sighed, "I knew it would probably be coming soon. I suppose I just didn't know how to approach the subject. Especially with all that's been going on."

"It's okay." I murmured, "I'm just glad I'm normal. I mean, at least _something's_ going right." He gave me a smile, and I couldn't help returning it. I sighed, looking to clock. It was already passed three in the morning.

"Go ahead and get some sleep." Carlisle told me, seeing what I was looking at. I nodded a little and rolled back over. Curling up onto my side, and closing my eyes.

Thankfully, and very much to my relief, I was feeling better the next morning when I woke up. I was still exhausted, but the pain had subsided significantly. Instead of the pain being overwhelming, it was now only a small ache. My emotions, for the most part, had evened out. I wasn't feeling normal yet, but I doubted that would ever happen again. It gave me hope, however, that I'd survive whatever Alice had planned for my birthday the next day.

Half of the family was out on a hunting trip, the other half planning to go once they got back. I didn't blame them for not wanting to leave me here by myself, even if the most I wanted to do was sleep. Esme sat reading in a chair while I laid there, attempting to sleep.

I snoozed, mostly. Trying to make it look like I was less dying. Thinking as I waited for sleep to find me.

At three-twenty-seven the next afternoon, I'd turn eleven years old. Despite all the previous year had brought me, I was still alive. Though I'd never seen the merit in celebrating the fact that I hadn't died in the last year, I certainly did now. I hadn't accomplished much, but I survived. That meant something to me now.

I learned not to bite people. That's for damn sure.

I learned that if I really had to, I could find a way to survive if I was on my own. I learned a sort of independence that I wouldn't have learned any other way. My couple of months without my family had taught me that. I'd learned so much during that time. I'd stray into town now and then, but always come back home. Despite it being empty. Even before I learned that the second floor balcony door had been open. Left unlocked. I learned what it was like to be out in the cold, and I learned that not everyone could be trusted. I'd known that before, but somehow, I hadn't fully believed it. I learned to be careful, very careful of those that told me they just wanted to help me.

I'd learned so many things there in Port Angeles by myself. I learned the easiest ways to get something to eat, and I learned where to go to try to stay warm and dry. Not the easiest thing in the world to do when there was no shelter.

The most important thing I learned there, however, was how much I needed my family. I was taught that lesson more than once through the rest of the year, but that was when I fully realized it. The lengths I would go to to prevent being taken somewhere I now knew to fear, or be beaten was unreal to anyone else, but them. They understood my reasons behind every action, but that wasn't the same as condoning them.

I learned that my mother, someone I hadn't really had a chance to get to know, was just as brave as I thought I was. I learned the lengths she would go just to protect me. Her only daughter, her only child. Despite all I said to her before, and despite how I doubted her sincerity before, she stood between someone who hated me with a fiery passion, and me.

I learned what bravery, and sacrifice truly was from her. In those last few months of her life, she gave up so much for me. Then finally, she gave her life so I could keep mine. She gave up her life, so I could live to see tomorrow. And every birthday following tomorrow. For more than one reason, I wouldn't have a birthday if it wasn't for her. As often as I'd dreaded the coming day so much more than any normal day, I never stopped to realize that I wouldn't be alive if it hadn't of been for my mother. She obviously saw something promising in me, otherwise she wouldn't have died so I could live. She protected me, she shielded me, and I was alive to think about it because of her.

I also learned how to trust, even after that trust had been broken.

Despite how many times I'd been told that I'd never be alone, I was. I was left so impossibly alone when my family left in the fall. But without them leaving, I never would have learned all I had in the time they were gone. I never would have learned how capable I was, if I tried. I learned that effort was possible if I wanted something enough, but I also learned that I was still young. I had to be careful, smart about anything I did because there was so much out there that I didn't understand yet. I was still learning, but there was so much ahead of me. I had so much time to learn these things, and testing out my wings, so to speak, could wait.

I still had time to learn all there is about the world, and with careful steps, it was possible.

I learned how to forgive. I learned that no matter how hurt I'd been before, it was possible to trust again. To know that everything they'd done, was with my best interests in mind. No matter how hard I tried, I trusted them again. I learned that despite what I thought before, they weren't going to leave me again.

I learned what it felt like to finally be wanted, to be accepted. Despite how many problems I had, I learned that I had someone that was willing to help me work through them. To trust them to always be there, even if doing so before had hurt me. And I did.

Even in the last couple of weeks, I'd learned so much.

I learned that sometimes, all of my effort wasn't enough. I learned what was too much effort, and I learned when I wasn't giving enough. I learned the consequences of both, and I learned that sometimes, I just had to let go.

I was still trying to learn how to find my place, but again, I still had so much time in front of me.

I learned what pain really was. I learned more about loss, and death. I learned what it was like to nearly lose my life, giving me a better perspective on what I was holding on to. I realized all I had to lose now, and I learned exactly how much I had now worth holding on to.

I learned more about love, and what an impact it made. I learned what it was like to have friends, and I learned what it was like to have a family. The love I could have for both, and how different it was, but the same in its own way. Both were plenty to fight for on their own, but both together, it made me truly realize how lucky I was.

I learned patience, to a point, and I learned strength. Not just plain strength, but strength in numbers. I wasn't much alone, and I knew that now, but I learned that I could do so much more if I had my family behind me. I learned that there were two very different types of strength.

There was a solitary strength that I was still searching for, but there was also a strength I could only find among them. The ones that have promised me since I met them that they'd be there. Taking me in, despite how much I really couldn't give anything back, and I still wanted to cry every time I thought about it. That despite how many problems I caused them, they hadn't given up on me yet.

I learned what it meant to sacrifice. Perhaps not as much, not nearly as much as my mother did for me, but I knew what it meant to do something for the benefit of others. Even if it meant causing me pain, or discomfort, I did it. Because sometimes, there were so many more important things.

I learned a different kind of sacrifice, and I learned what it felt like to be protected.

When I'd first come to live with my family, Emmett had told me that he was the protector of the family. The one that fought to keep everybody safe. I wondered back then what that must have been like, to be protected by somebody so much stronger than I was, never believing in a million years I'd ever feel like I belonged. Now, not only did I belong right where I was, I knew what it felt like to be under his protection. The lengths he'd go to to take out the main threat in my life had really opened my eyes, and it only made me appreciate him, and the rest of my family even more.

As mixed up as I was, trying to learn how to be human in a family of vampires, I knew that no matter what, one day I would join them as an immortal myself. Maybe then, I could begin to contribute, and take a step in the direction of paying them back for all they'd done for me. Until that time came, though, I knew they'd all be by my side. Behind me, urging me forward. Helping me, supporting me, and teaching me what it was to have a family, to have someone always there to turn to, and never leave me alone again.

To have someone to teach me how to defend myself, to give me just a little bit more independence until I was ready to run on my own. Until the day came when I wouldn't be just the human anymore. Weak, but not quite defenseless.

To believe that I could one day be someone more than I was now. To believe that I could be strong if I needed to be. To see the promise my mother saw in me, and to teach me to see that promise myself.

I knew that time was still so far off, but I could wait. I would wait until I was old enough to truly make the decision, and ask to be turned. I was promised forever, and even though I knew living with my pain would hurt, I also knew that it would help me become someone so strong, nothing could break me. Learning from it, letting it teach me things I never would have learned without it.

I couldn't help but look forward to this next year. This year had to be at least a little brighter than the one I'd left behind. It had to be.

**A/N: Yay for awkward, cheesy chapters. I suppose this was mostly an opener. Now, I have a lot to say in this A/N, so do me a favor, and bear with me. *Sigh* Here we go.  
One, I apologize for this taking so long to come out. I _had_ to take some time for my own health, guys. ****Please believe me when I say I'm not being lazy lol I'm just taking it slow, I guess you could say.  
Two, As I mentioned before, this will probably be much different than the original version, but I will do my best to keep it along the same track. I had a bit of trouble with the original version, as that had to be completely changed from when I first wrote it. So _technically_ this will be my third time changing things around.** **So again, please bear with me.  
Three, I know I've mentioned this before, but I do have a Facebook page** **set up for this series. It's where I can give anyone looking for it info as to what's going on, and when you can expect updates.** **Feel free to add me, and if enough people decide they want it, I'll give teasers. I'd love to hear your feedback there as well. Questions, concerns, opinions and ideas.. That'd give me a chance to connect with you guys on an easier, faster level. If you're interested, you can find me under: Kneu Neu on Facebook.  
I think that about covers it. I'll do my best to hurry up with chapter two, and look forward to seeing more of you guys, my fabulous readers and reviewers, throughout this story, and the ones to come. (:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"Happy birthday!" I winced, rolling over to look up at Alice standing beside the couch. I whimpered, rolling back over and cuddling into my blanket, "Come on. Time to get up. Your dad and his family are almost here, and Andrew and his dad are coming over by two."

"I don't wanna." I mumbled, leaving my eyes closed. She reached down and yanked the blanket off of me. I didn't care, though, I just laid there. The pillow was next, so I just folded my arm and laid my head on that.

"My, you're stubborn today." She pointed out, laughing quietly.

"No," I mumbled, "I'm just tired."

"I can dress you. I have no problems with that." That got me moving. I sighed, rolling to my back and rubbing my eyes.

"Okay, okay. I'm up."

"Okay." She said reluctantly, walking away. I just fell right back to sleep, laughing to myself.

"Leandra." Alice's sigh woke me up once again a few minutes later, "Come on."

"Alright, alright." I sighed, sitting up and stretching. I really didn't want to be awake. I was so worried about having so many people over today. Just one was bound to notice I hadn't been sleeping well, and I completely dreaded seeing my little sister.

I took a quick shower just to wake myself up a little more, and it worked. At least it made me look less exhausted, though I was just as exhausted as before. I changed out of my pajamas for the first time in days, and that even helped wake me up a little. I sat there, yawning as Alice fixed my slightly damp hair. She sat on the back of the couch, me in front of her.

"Ow!" I whined as the knock came to the door, "Quit pulling."

"Just sit still would you?" She laughed, "I'm almost done."

"Nobody cares how my hair looks." I grumbled.

"I care." She replied, "And I'm not done yet." I tried to look over at the sound of my dad's voice talking to Emmett who'd answered the door, but Alice kept me from doing so.

"Hurry up.." I sighed, and a few seconds later, she let me go. I stood and made my way over. Ignoring everybody else with him as I hugged my dad in greeting.

"Wow, kiddo." He said, "You've grown."

"No I haven't." I said, looking up at him.

"You definitely have." He laughed, "Since the last time I saw you. You're at least four inches taller." I hadn't even noticed that, so this was news to me.

"We'd replace your clothes as you needed them." Alice explained, laughing a little at my surprise as she followed me over.

"Oh." I said, and that was entirely possible, too. I never looked at the sizes of anything before I put it on. I'd never even question a new pair of jeans or t-shirt either. I just figured that was Alice having too much fun at the mall. Showed how much I paid attention.

"Way to stay on top of things." My dad laughed, "A good tip for this one in the not so distant future." He put his hand on Lily's head, and she'd grown as well. In the last year, she'd grown so much. Still the size of an average six year old, but compared to where she was before, there was a sizable difference.

"Dad." She whined a laugh, pushing his hand off her head.

"Oh, and who is this?" Alice asked, smiling at the baby in Rachel's arm. I made a face, but looked up at it. Given the pink clothing, it had turned out to be another daughter.

"This is Kaylee." Rachel sighed, laughing a little, "And she's a handful."

"May I?" Alice asked, offering to take the baby.

"By all means." She said, "Please. Just be careful. She usually doesn't like strangers." Alice didn't seem the type to love babies, but I guess I was wrong. Kaylee seemed to really like her as well, smiling at her instantly and the way Alice cuddled her. Alice led the way into the living room, and we all followed. Making it to the couch just as Carlisle and Esme descended the stairs.

After greeting them, Esme was right beside Alice with Kaylee still on her lap. Kaylee seemed even more infatuated with Esme than with Alice, and a spark of jealousy settled into my heart. I was beginning to really dislike that infant.

"So, Leandra." Rachel sighed, sitting down, "How was the rest of your year? After.." She trailed off and I looked down.

"I survived." I replied, "I can't complain." I looked back up to her, "I still miss her sometimes, though."

"I'm really sorry about your mom." Lily piped up, seeming honest, "That really sucks." A big change from the kid that was here the year before, "She seemed really nice, even though you yelled at her." And there she was again.

"Lily." Rachel sighed, shaking her head and resting her face in her palm.

"What?" She asked, "What'd I do now?" I didn't know how to respond to that. I'd nearly forgotten about yelling at my mom the way I had that day. How I'd forgotten, I hadn't the slightest clue, but being reminded like that kind of hurt.

"Um.." I mumbled, "Yeah. She was.. Pretty nice. Thanks, Lily." She obviously didn't mean anything by what she said. It was clear to me, so I wasn't mad at her. By the surprised looks on my dad and Rachel's faces, they hadn't expected me to be so calm about it. I knew why, as last year, I would have snapped at Lily for what she said.

"So.." My dad decided to change the subject, "I hear you've been adopted." I smiled instantly at just being reminded, and I nodded. He obviously knew the best subject to change the conversation to, "I'm really happy for you, honey. I would have called, but life has just been so crazy lately. With that one coming a little early, we weren't as ready as we thought, apparently."

"It's okay." I said, "I'm just glad you're okay with it."

"Honey, I know how much they mean to you. I'm just happy to have the opportunity to keep you in my life. However much I can with living so far away." He smiled and glanced to Rachel, "Speaking of living so far away, I was wondering if you wanted to revisit that subject. How are the schools here?"

"You're moving closer?" I asked, surprised but smiling. I hadn't expected this. I just figured it was something he'd tell me he'd think about, but it wouldn't ever actually cross his mind again.

"We've been going over everything, and I think it's definitely possible. There are plenty of places she can work around here. Even several opportunities for me to relocate the business here in town, and I know it'll do well. Probably better than in Sandpoint, given how few others like it there are here." He nodded, "I think it'd be good to come back here."

"You wouldn't miss Idaho?" I asked hesitantly.

"It's too sunny for my taste." He laughed, "And besides. Nothing is stopping us from visiting now and then. What's there isn't as important as who's here."

"That's awesome." I laughed as well, "When?"

"Well, we still have some things to take care of there first, but I think sometime within the next month or so. We wanted to be completely sure before letting you know." He paused, "You're just growing so fast, and I wanted so much to be a part of it. However small that part might be, but I'll be around to see it." I smiled, looking down. He wouldn't be completely part of it. He didn't know how different I really was.

Despite trying, I knew I still was nowhere near tame enough to be around the other humans for any extended period of time. If anything, my distrust had grown. Especially knowing what they could do. Being drugged like I had been had scared me. Being so far from being in control of myself, having that taken from me and being so extremely defenseless wasn't something I ever wanted to experience again. Anything could have happened, and I still wouldn't remember it.

My dad's family, Andrew, Zack, and Josh were the extent of my human relationships. That was as far as I was willing to go. I was even wary around Richard now. Despite him not knowing what that would lead to, it was essentially his fault I wound up in that situation. It would take a lot to make up for what he'd done, and though I didn't exactly hate him for it, I didn't trust him.

"Dad," I said, not looking up yet, "How much do you know about the last couple of months?"

"Not very much, unfortunately." He sighed, "And that's my fault. I should have called." I looked to Carlisle. I really didn't know how much was okay to tell him.

Sensing the sudden tension, my dad spoke again, "Lily, why don't you and Leandra go into the kitchen for a few minutes?"

"Okay, dad." For once, Lily wasn't being a little snot. I figured that it was a better idea to let Carlisle handle this, so I stood and led her out of the room and into the kitchen. She sighed and grabbed a soda from the bowl of ice on the counter. I did the same. I hardly ever got soda, so I never passed on the opportunity.

"So." She said quietly after a few moments, "I don't really know you."

"I know." I said, shrugging a little, "And I don't know you."

"But dad says we're moving here to be closer to you." She said, "I just don't get it. If you're my sister, how come you live with another family? Nobody's ever really told me." I looked at her, thinking. She obviously really didn't understand.

"Okay," I finally said, "It's like this." I sighed and led her from the kitchen. I wanted to walk while I told her this. Sitting or standing around made me tired. I looked to Esme, "We'll be outside for a minute." She nodded, and I heard Carlisle explaining. It would be awhile before he was done.

"Okay." I said again once the front door was closed, "Technically, I'm only your half sister, since we have different moms." She nodded, following along beside me, "But we look close enough alike, I doubt anyone who knows both of us is really going to be able to tell, if that's what you're worried about." I glanced down at her, making sure she was listening, "Anyway, our dad was married to my mom, before he was married to yours. Hence, me. Well, when I was three, my mom divorced dad, and he wasn't allowed to see me anymore."

"What's a divorce?" She asked curiously.

"It's where two married people decide they don't want to be married anymore, and they end the marriage."

"Oh." She nodded.

"I seriously doubt dad's ever going to do that to your mom, so don't worry about that either." I said, and she nodded, sighing a little, "Anyway, my mom remarried a different man, and dad still wasn't allowed to be in my life."

"Why not?"

"I still don't have a clear answer on that." I sighed, "I still don't get it myself."

"Oh." She repeated, nodding again.

"Well, it was because of that second marriage that I had to leave, and come live here. Trust me, living here was a thousand times better than where I was living before, so I accepted it. With open arms."

"What was wrong with living with your mom?" She asked, "You said something last year about her not being there. Where was she?"

"That's.." I sighed, "Probably not a good idea to tell you yet, because it'll only confuse you."

"Just try."

"She was there." I allowed, "She was there, living with us, but she wasn't paying attention to what I was going through."

"See?" She asked, "I got that. Was that so hard?" She was quiet, so I continued.

"When dad finally showed up, I was comfortable here. I really wanted to stay, because to me, dad was just a stranger. I didn't know him then. Well, in order for me to stay, he had to sign away his rights. Meaning, he wouldn't be responsible for me anymore." I explained before she could ask, "So they couldn't force me to leave my family here, and go live with you guys."

"Dad's a great guy." She said, "Why wouldn't you want to come live with us?"

"I know he's a great guy now. But I didn't back then." I paused, looking for the right way to describe it, "When I was living with my mom, before I came here, I wasn't treated right. I really don't want to get into that, so.. Just imagine, okay? I was treated really bad there, but when I came here, I was treated much better. I didn't know what it was like to be treated kindly, and so.. When I finally was, I wanted to keep it. Leaving here to go live with you guys was too much of a risk for me to take."

"Oh." She said, nodding, "Okay. I get it now. You were afraid?"

"Yeah." I admitted, "I was. I didn't know dad back then, so risking everything I had here to go with him, wasn't something I was willing to try."

"I get it now." She repeated, "Why wouldn't anyone tell me that?"

"Probably because you're so young. They probably didn't think you'd get it." I explained, "They tend to underestimate me a lot, too. That means not believing that you're capable of doing or understanding something."

She nodded. Obviously appreciating the way I'd explain things before she would have to ask. I hated having to do that, so I figured she would too.

"You know what?" She asked.

"What?" I asked, looking down at her.

"I like you." She said, nodding, "Makes it not so bad that we're moving here."

"You don't want to move?" I asked, and she sighed.

"It's not so bad, I guess. I'll just miss my friends." She explained, and I nodded.

"I'll share my friends with you." I said, "They're really cool."

"You finally got friends?" She asked and I sighed, looking down at her, "I know, I know. I'm just surprised."

"Yeah, I got friends." I answered, "Not without a lot of effort, though."

"Why?" She asked.

"I don't trust a lot of people." I answered, "It takes a lot for me to make friends."

"Are they coming here today?" She asked curiously.

"Only one." I said, "The other two are in California visiting their grandparents for the summer."

"Darn." She muttered, "Oh well. At least I can meet the one." She seemed happy about that, and that confused me a little. I was a little nervous about seeing Andrew again, with how worried he'd been the last time I'd seen him. After yelling at him the way I had. I sincerely hoped it wasn't awkward between us now. Even with Carlisle's assurances, I still worried. I hadn't known what was going on any more than he did, and I hoped he remembered that.

Before we'd even gone back inside, I looked up, moving Lily and I to the side and up on the porch at the sight of Richard's car coming up the drive into the yard. Was it two already?

To my surprise, though, two more climbed out along with Richard and Andrew. I hardly recognized them, but sure enough, there stood Josh and Zack. I smiled.

Not having seen them for almost two solid months, I almost didn't recognize them. Josh's hair was much longer, coming almost to his jawline, which was just a bit more pronounced. Not to mention how much taller he'd gotten. A couple of inches, at the most, but it was definitely enough to make me sure feel smaller. Even Zack had changed. He'd gotten taller than me while they were gone, and his hair had grown a bit as well. I still recognized his silly smile, though.

"Holy crap." I laughed as they stepped out of the car, "You're tan!"

"That's what happens when you're in the sun everyday." Josh replied sarcastically, and I noticed a definite change in his voice. Just a little, but just enough to notice, "I think you got lighter." He smiled, so I knew he was just picking on me.

"Oh, ha." I rolled my eyes hugging him as he reached me, "And damn. You're taller. You both are." I could hardly believe these were the same kids I knew before.

"Nah, no big deal." Zack enthusiastically hugged me next.

"Happy birthday, sweety." Richard said, greeting me with a hug, "Your parents inside?" I nodded.

"In the living room. We'll be in soon." He smiled and nodded as well. Lily coming to my side pulled my attention to her, "Oh, guys. This is Lily. My sister." Josh seemed amused by the look she gave him, "Lily, this is Andrew, Zack, and that butt-head is Josh." She watched as they waved at their names.

"You didn't tell me your friends were all boys." She muttered in a very serious tone. She clearly disapproved.

"Nothing wrong with that, is there?" I asked, and she seemed hesitant.

"Boys are weird." She replied.

"It's a good thing I'm weird then, huh?"

"I didn't know you had a sister." Josh said, "She's so cute."

"Half sister." Lily obviously didn't like him, given her tone. I laughed a little, remembering clearly just how much I didn't like Josh when I first met him. I guessed Lily and I had more in common than I thought.

"And she's six, so be nice." I said, pointing to Josh in particular.

"I take it your dad's here?" Andrew asked, and I nodded.

"Yeah, they're inside with the baby."

"Baby?" Andrew asked, surprised.

"My other half sister." I nodded, "They're talking to Carlisle about moving here."

"Oh boy." Josh laughed, "They're going to have so much fun in this town."

"Shut up." I grumbled, and he gave me a look.

"Can we go inside now?" Lily asked, taking my hand. That surprised me that she'd do that, but I realized by looking down at her how shy she was feeling. Half hiding behind my arm as she looked at them.

"Yeah." I said, "Yeah. Come on, guys. Let's go inside." I led the way up the steps, holding onto Lily's hand since she didn't seem to want to let it go.

"Leandra?" Andrew called, and I looked back at him, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I glanced down at Lily.

"Yeah." I said, "Just.. Wait here for a second. I'll be right back." I led Lily inside. I thought she might like an escort, given the two new people just behind us. One of which she didn't like. I knew I probably would have wanted an escort by someone I knew. I still did. As shy as she was, I knew that it was just that. Her being shy.

I didn't have any experience whatsoever at being an older sister, but I found it easier imagining what I would want when I was her age, or in her position.

I introduced Josh and Zack really quickly to my dad and Rachel, and excused myself for a minute. I practically ran back to the door, closing it behind me.

I smiled at Andrew still standing there, "What's up?"

"I just wanted to say I was sorry. For.. You know.. Freaking out like that. The other day." I was surprised.

"I freaked out worse than you did." I reminded him, "So don't worry about it."

"I honestly didn't know that.. That happens until my dad told me. I couldn't believe it at first."

"I know." I said, looking down, "I didn't know either, since I missed so much school. And nobody around here told me, so I was.. Very surprised."

"But you're okay?" He asked, and I laughed a little.

"I'm fine." I said, shoving my hands in my pockets, "I was a little moody at first, but I'm okay." I was a little uncomfortable, but it wasn't near as awkward as I thought it would be discussing this subject. He nodded, smiling a little.

"Okay." He said, "Just making sure. At first, I thought you were dying."

"It felt like it there for awhile." I admitted, "But no. I'm good now." I frowned a little in confusion, "Didn't your mom go through the same thing?" Given the way his smile faded, and he looked down, I knew I'd touched on a very sore subject.

I'd been curious about why it was just him and his dad around the house. Andrew never, ever mentioned his mother, and I could see that it had been for a reason. What that reason was, I didn't know yet. I realized then, though, that I'd never gotten to hear about his past.

Here he was, knowing everything he could safely know about me, and I didn't know anything about his past. That stunned me. How could I have been so selfish?

"Sorry." I eventually said, "You don't have to answer that." He sighed, nodding. I saw the subject really bothered him, and I figured I should change the subject, "So.. Josh and Zack?"

"Yeah." He said, nodding again, "It surprised me, too. I wasn't expecting them back until the third."

"They've changed." I pointed out, "A lot."

"Yeah." To my surprise, he frowned a little, "They're different. At least Josh is."

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning as well, "He seems the same."

"He's.." Andrew sighed, "I don't know. Bossier. They were over at my house yesterday, and you should have heard him bossing Zack around. Not just playing, either. It surprised me, because you know how those two are."

"Yeah." I agreed, "That doesn't sound like something Josh would do. Are you sure he wasn't just playing?"

"I don't know." He sighed, "Maybe he was. Zack didn't seem surprised by it, or even bothered, so maybe I was just looking too far into it." I nodded.

"It's okay. I do the same thing." He nodded as well, and I turned, leading him back toward the door, "Just.. Don't tell anyone, okay? About me?"

"Don't worry." He said, "I won't."

I nodded, leading him back in. For once, I was the one finding a sore subject for someone else, instead of having my own sore subject found. It was awkward, and I wanted to apologize again, but I also knew that doing so would just bring us back to the subject. Which wouldn't be helpful.

The look in his eyes told me to just let it go for now, so I did. I let it go, but I decided that I'd bring it up again. When I had the chance to talk to him alone. It concerned me. It really did, because there were hardly any subjects that he didn't want to talk about. His mother obviously was one of them.

I sighed and sat down beside my dad, and Lily scooted over, changing her seat to directly beside me. It was interesting to me how shy she was, and how quickly she seemed to accept me already. Compared to last year, it was such a change, and a little unsettling to me, to be honest. Again, I'd never had any experience being an older sister. I was so used to being the youngest.

Esme and Rachel sat talking, so I thought I'd get talking a little myself. Hoping to combat the jealously of the infant babbling in Esme's arms. The little demon.

"So how was California?" I asked, still surprised by how much Josh and Zack had changed.

"Man, you don't even know." Josh grinned, "The beach is so much better when it's sunny and warm all the time. Nothing like the beaches around here. Here, the beaches are all rocky and it's almost never sunny. There, nothing but sand."

"That does sound nice." I commented, "I don't think I've ever been in the sun without some kind of cloud cover."

"You really don't know what you're missing." Josh shook his head.

"Really?" Andrew asked, "Never?"

"Not that I remember." I shrugged, "I was born here, and I've never left. The furthest I've ever gone was Seattle, and even then, it was always cloudy there."

"I took you to Port Angeles on a sunny day." My dad said, "But that was so long ago, I'm not surprised you don't remember it."

"Well, we've definitely got to fix that." Alice murmured, looking to Esme.

"We should have asked dad to take you along." Josh said, "You would have loved it. I know you would have. Maybe you wouldn't be so pale." He joked, and I stuck my tongue out at him.

He seemed to remember something, "Oh. It's not wrapped or anything, but.." He stood, reaching into his back pocket, pulling out what at first looked like a bracelet, but it was too big. He handed it to me, "It's a choker." Ironic, I thought. I looked it over, smiling a little. Tiny, clear green beads held together by a light tan thick sort of thread with a simple clasp in the back.

"Thank you." I said, and he smiled in return.

"Happy birthday." He said, "I had that custom made for you. Grandpa makes those as a little hobby. Here." He offered to put it on for me. I let him, moving my hair for him. Lily moved back as he leaned over, reaching up. He gently clasped it into place, and stepped back, smiling, "I was right. The beads do match your eyes." I laughed a little, looking down. Surprised at the blush that came to my cheeks.

I honestly didn't know what to say to that. Speechless, I guess I was.

"See?" He nudged Zack, "Told you it wasn't stupid."

"No." I said, shaking my head, "No, I really like it. Thank you."

"Anyway." Zack continued, somewhat irritated. Josh laughed a little as I looked to Zack, confused, "Back to what we were saying."

"Yeah." Josh nodded, sitting back down, "You've definitely got to visit there some time. Trust me, you won't be disappointed."

"The sun wasn't even the best part about the beach." Zack said, chuckling a little. His previous irritation obviously gone.

"Then what was?" I asked, curious.

"The girls." Both he and Josh answered at the same time. Laughing. I rolled my eyes, sighing as I leaned back. Even Emmett got the biggest smirk, and I wanted to throw my shoe at him.

"What about them?" Lily asked, confused.

"Everything." Josh replied, "Their-"

"Uh." Emmett spoke up, "If that's going where I think it's going, we should probably fix that answer."

"Um, okay." Josh said, "Their.. Hair."

"Their hair was always so long and pretty." Zack agreed, smiling.

"Oh." She said, her tone suggesting she questioned their sanity. She looked to me and I looked to her, "Told you boys are weird."

"I'm starting to agree with you." I told her, and she giggled.

To my surprise, the day went very well. With so many people in one room, I half expected to feel closed in or claustrophobic, but I never did. Despite how tired I was the entire time, I managed to have quite a few laughs.

The only time I really got uncomfortable was when my dad insisted I hold Kaylee.

"Is she gonna bite me?" I asked, trying to figure out a way to have the least amount of contact with her.

"No." My dad laughed, standing with a camera in his hands, "She's a baby, not a raccoon." Lily and I looked at each other, laughing at that thought. Quickly, he managed to snap that picture, "Ha. Almost guaranteed, I won't get another like that one in a million years."

I knew enough to know to support her, which was pretty hard to do, considering she liked to move. I was not only grossed out, but terrified I would drop her or something. Even sitting down.

"Oh god, dad, she's drooling on me." I whined, "And I think she peed."

"You get used to that." Lily told me, laughing at the look on my face, "Just be glad she hasn't barfed on you yet."

"She does that, too?" I asked, nervously adjusting her on my lap.

"Yeah." Lily nodded, "The first time she did that to me, I cried. Now it's no big deal. It's gross, but she doesn't mean it." She reached over and pulled Kaylee from my lap, settling her securely on her own. She'd obviously had more experience with her, for which I was grateful.

There were so many more pictures taken this time than my last birthday. Both from my family, and my dad. I found I didn't mind.

There were pictures taken of me with Andrew, Josh and Zack, as well as me with my dad and Lily, or just me and him, or just me and Lily. Mostly for my dad's benefit, as I was sure he was trying to make up for all the time he'd missed.

Carlisle, Esme and I. All the "kids" of my family and me, Esme took over taking the pictures of that one. I didn't mind. Not in the least. I was actually in a good mood, and I knew that reflected in my smile, though I was sure Jasper was helping quite a bit with that.

The longer the day went on without a problem, I hoped I could take that as a sign that the next year of my life would be better.

Unfortunately, my dad had to leave around nine that night, as both of the kids were exhausted, and Lily wasn't feeling well thanks to eating too much cake. Lily sat in Rachel's arms after I'd said goodbye to them as Rachel carried her to the car, and Kaylee lay sleeping in my dad's arm.

"I stayed as long as I could, honey." He reasoned as I stepped out onto the porch with him and I nodded.

"I know." I said, "Thank you for coming. And who knows? After you move here, I might just get used to this thing." I reached up, taking Kaylee's sleeping hand in my fingers. He chuckled, reaching up and gently clearing her longish auburn hair from her forehead. I realized as he did that how amazed I was how almost all of his kids had taken most of his looks. Lily had about an equal mix of him and Rachel, but she didn't have his nose or his eye color like Kaylee or I did. It was a little hard to tell, but Kaylee looked like she had his nose, too. A smaller version of mine, with just a subtle little turn up at the end. A small little curve, but not too much.

Lily had both of their eye color, though. A brown hazel that green speckled in, but even then, it wasn't the right shade of green. The light colored green eyes I had mirrored his perfectly. One thing I liked about myself was my green eyes.

He paused for a moment, looking me over. As if thinking about the same thing I was.

"What?" I asked quietly, laughing.

"I just can't get over how much you look like me." He said, "It amazes me how much more beautiful you are each time I see you." I smiled, looking down, "And stop looking down. You have so much worth sharing, sweetheart. Never be ashamed of that, or embarrassed. You are who you are for a reason, honey, and I'm proud of who you are."

I remembered then. Carlisle had filled him in on what the last year of my life had brought me. The not so good things were probably a very big shock, yet here he was, telling me he supported me. I stepped forward and hugged him, his free arm coming around my shoulders, "I love you, Leandra."

"I love you too, dad." I murmured. And I did. I always had, even when I believed he should have been there. But the sleeping baby in his arm was explanation enough. If he'd insisted on staying in my life, he probably wouldn't have had a chance to remarry at all. Much less have Lily or Kaylee.

"I'll see you soon." He promised, and I smiled, nodding. Stepping back, I watched him leave. Stepping carefully down the steps, and making his way to the car.

For the oddest reason, watching him walk away, I had the worst feeling of dread in my stomach. It was bad enough to make me a little dizzy with worry, sick with nervousness. Watching him place Kaylee in her seat, fastening her in. It was enough to make it through the happiness I felt that night.

"Hey dad?" I called, and he turned to look at me, "You're going to stay the night in town, right? And head back in the morning?"

"I've got to get back, honey." He said, shaking his head a little.

"Please?" I asked, stepping down a step, "It'd be safer if you do."

"We'll be okay." He assured me with a smile, "Don't worry." I was vaguely aware that Alice and Jasper had joined me on the porch. I glanced back at them, noticing Alice's worried eyes as well.

"Please?" I asked again, "I _really_ don't want you to make that trip tonight. A couple of hours won't kill you."

"She's right, Chris." Alice called, "Please don't try it." He sighed, looking into the occupied backseat.

"That's not such a bad idea." Rachel told him, "I wouldn't mind staying the night in town, and I know those two wouldn't mind. Lily just wants to get to sleep."

"Okay." He relented, "Alright. I am pretty tired. If it'll make you feel better, I'll wait until the morning."

"Thank you." I sighed, surprisingly feeling better. A lot better. Not a hint of the dread left in my stomach. Like it had just dissipated. He gave me a smile in return, nodding. I watched him drive away, turning back to the house.

"Leandra, what was that?" Jasper asked calmly as I made my way back up the steps.

"What was what?" I asked, coming to stand beside him.

"That. Just now, with your father." He clarified.

I looked down, "I don't really know." I shrugged, "I got a bad feeling when he walked away. Like.." I sighed, shaking my head, "Really bad. Like something bad was going to happen. The same kind of feeling I got a few months ago before the trip to Port Angeles after the training we did. The same one."

"Well.." Jasper said, "I felt that, and something you don't know yet, is something bad _was_ going to happen. We came out to talk him out of driving back tonight, but by talking him out of it, you prevented it." I didn't understand yet what he was saying, "You got that feeling just as soon as Alice did, after a vision."

"I just had a feeling." I shook my head a little, "I know he makes that drive all the time, but I knew this time would be different. I can't explain it."

"Leandra." I looked to the door at Josh's voice, "You coming back in?"

"Yeah." I said, "Yeah, just give me a minute."

"Your brother suggested that we spend the night here." He grinned.

"Wait-What, like.. Here? All night?" I asked, shocked.

"Yeah." He said, "My dad said yes, we're just waiting on Andrew's dad." Shit. That meant I couldn't sleep on the couch like I usually did. Not without seeming like a complete baby, and even then, everybody would have to go into their rooms tonight. Put up the act that they were sleeping.

"He said yes." I heard Andrew call from the living room. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Remind me to hit Emmett as hard as I possibly can without the risk of physical injury, please." I muttered, looking to Alice. Jasper smirked, knowing exactly why I had a problem with this arrangement. They all did. I hadn't a doubt in my mind that was the reason why Emmett had decided to suggest it on such short notice. Especially while I was out of the room, so I couldn't protest.

"I hope your floor is comfortable." Josh laughed, heading back inside. Well, wasn't this just grand?

"We'll talk more about this tomorrow." Alice told me firmly, and I sighed. Nodding. I now had a very long night ahead of me, on top of already having had a very long day.

I led them into my room, trying to figure out where everybody was sleeping.

"Pick a spot." I said, shrugging.

"You get the bed, right?" Zack asked, sitting on the side of it.

"Hell, I might just sleep on the floor with you guys." I glanced to Andrew, and he gave me a small supportive smile.

"Why is there a plant in the middle of the floor?" Josh asked, looking it over. The plant had stayed in my room. Either someone was too lazy to move it, or they thought it really might help.

"Because it's pretty." I answered, "Sleep around it. I call the window."

"You're really not going to sleep in the bed?" Josh asked, surprised.

"Really." I said, sighing.

"Why?" He frowned.

"Long story." I muttered, and he looked to me.

"Good thing we've got all night, then, huh?" He asked, smiling. I thought back to what Carlisle told me. I had to be careful what I said, and that meant being careful who I told.

"I have my reasons, okay?" I asked, "Please don't press me on this." He laughed.

"Fair enough." He said, raising his hands a little, "Easy, tiger." He sighed and flopped back on the bed, "Even if it is pretty comfortable. Come on. It's not going to eat you."

"That's not why I don't like it." I said, "But funny."

"Ha." He said, lifting his head and pointing at me, "So you admit you don't like your bed. Let's see.. What possible reasons could there be?"

"Josh, knock it off." Andrew muttered, "Just leave it."

"I'm just curious." He said, "I've never heard of anyone hating their bed. Usually that's the main thing someone likes about their room." He paused, "You don't wet the bed, do you?"

"No." I said instantly, "No. I don't."

"Good." He said, "Because you're sleeping in it."

"Excuse me?" I snorted, "I'll sleep exactly where I want to." I was starting to see the bossy thing Andrew had mentioned earlier.

"Come on." He said, sitting up, "There's nothing wrong with it. What? Have you not been sleeping in it?"

"Uh.." I muttered, "Okay, no. Not really."

"On the couch?" He asked, and I nodded, "That's gotta change."

"I don't know if-"

"Come on." He said, "Zack had issues with his bed when he was six. I told him I'd pay him ten bucks if he got over it."

"This is a little different, I think." I shook my head.

"What could it hurt?" He asked, "I'd feel bad if you were to sleep on the floor."

"It's no big deal." I said, "Right now, I could probably sleep on the roof and be perfectly comfortable."

Luckily for me, Josh and Zack's dad showed up then with clothes for them. Giving me a break from the conversation. Pulling Andrew off to the side, I frowned.

"What do I say to him?" I asked, "He's not going to drop it."

"Just tell him what you told me." He said, "Or just keep telling him to drop it. You'll be alright." I sighed, looking back at where they stood talking.

"I feel so stupid."

"Don't." He said, "You have your reasons. It's okay."

"I hate you." I hissed to Emmett as he walked by. The only response I got was a chuckle. I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it." Andrew said again, "You'll live through tonight. And who knows? Maybe Josh is right. I think it's worth a try."

"Leandra." Mike, Josh and Zack's dad, called me over. I offered a small smile to him. To my surprise, he handed me money. Fifty dollars, "Happy birthday, kiddo."

"Wow." I said, completely shocked. What the hell would I need fifty dollars for? Shaking off my shock long enough to mutter, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He said, giving me a nod, "I also wanted to pass along my condolences." I frowned in confusion, "Jack was a good guy." My heart skipped a beat, and I looked down instantly. Even I could sense the sudden tension roll through the room, and ever so subtly, I tensed in response to it.

"The boys told me who he was to you." Mike continued. I glanced over at Josh, and the look he gave me told me he didn't tell him everything. Just go with it.

"Yeah." Was all I was able to get out, "Yeah. Well, it's.." I didn't know what to say.

"I didn't know the kid he always talked about was you." I looked up, surprised at his chuckle, "What are the odds of that?"

"Wait." Zack said, obviously surprised as well, "Dad, you knew about her?" By looking to Josh again, it was very clear by the look on his face that he hadn't known either.

"He mentioned her quite a few times." He confirmed with another small chuckle, "Goodness, you were a little terror, weren't you?" I literally bit back my retort. Disguising it as a cough just in time, "But anyway. I won't get into that right now."

"Thank you." I said sharply, still quite shocked. He'd known about me? How much did he know? I suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable being in such close proximity to him, distrusting Mike with all that I was. I took a few subtle steps back, relieved when Esme's hand closed on my shoulder.

The fact that Mike knew about me disturbed me. Deeply. It meant that Jack was closer friends with him than I thought before. I had originally thought that they were only acquaintances. Only getting along because Jack was his wife's brother.

I knew he wasn't like Jack, but some part of their personalities must have matched if Jack was comfortable telling him about me. Not when he hid me from everybody else. Never owning up to the fact that I was his, unless he absolutely had to. Like that day at the school. He was normally very careful.

I tried to act like it was no big deal, and for the most part, I succeeded. Mike did as well, bidding his sons good night, and leaving.

"You told him?" I hissed, pulling Josh around to look at me once he was gone, "Why would you do that?"

"It just slipped out after we heard the news of what happened back here." He reasoned, "I swear, I had _no_ idea that he had any idea that Jack had a kid living with him. This freaks me out just as much as you."

"Hardly." I growled, "Josh, the only reason Jack would have told your dad, is if he trusted him enough to let him in on everything."

He seemed unable to respond, so I continued, "He knew what was going on."

**A/N: Trust me. I didn't expect this out so soon, either. It's a pleasant surprise, I hope. (:  
Chapter three will take a bit of time. I can tell you that for sure, as it's not even started yet. Oops.  
THANK YOU to those that reviewed chapter one. As well as followed it. ****Lots more to come, guys. Never fear. (:**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"My dad isn't a bad guy, Leandra." Josh grumbled as we all entered my room. He was clearly upset, and he obviously didn't like hearing what I was saying. It was definitely understandable, given how close he was with his dad.

"No," I said, trying to calm him down, "I know. I know he isn't, but.."

"But what?" He asked, looking to me.

"I don't want to argue with you, Josh." I replied, "Just.. Calm down, would you?"

"Why not?" He snapped, "You argue with everybody else." I narrowed my eyes. Instead of replying, I just kept my mouth shut for a second. I didn't want to fight with him. Not tonight.

"Look." I finally said, "All I'm saying, is that he knew."

"How do you know?" He demanded, "He could have been just as clueless as I was, or Zack was."

"There's no way Jack was going to tell him about me without making one hundred percent sure your dad wasn't going to put a stop to it." I explained, "Now, I'm not saying he liked it, or even knew the full truth. Given- Josh, just shut up for a minute." I interrupted what he was trying to interject. His defensiveness was getting to me, and it wasn't easing, so all I could do was keep talking.

"Given what he told me, the only thing I can think of, is that Jack told him I deserved everything he did." He looked down, "I'm not saying your dad was in on it. I'm only saying he knew I was there." I was quiet for a second, "And he didn't do anything."

"On a scale of one to ten.." Josh muttered, "How bad was it?"

"He probably didn't know how bad it was." I said, "If he did, then.."

"How bad?"

"Thirty." Andrew muttered from the side. Josh looked to him, "And no, I'm not exaggerating."

"Are you sure?" He asked, as if trying to find some way to make it okay.

"Positive. Josh, her skin was black. Black almost every inch of her." I bit my lip, looking down, "Jack put effort into beating her, and he definitely wasn't sorry about it. You didn't see him that day. He picked her up like she weighed nothing. You don't know how violent he was, Josh."

He didn't reply, choosing to sit down on the bed instead.

"Like I said." I murmured, crossing the room, "Chances are, he didn't know how bad it was. If he did, then.. Well.. That's another problem entirely." I sat tensely beside him, nearest the pillows, "Your dad definitely doesn't seem the type to do something like that. I was surprised when he told me Jack had told him, so that's a good thing, at least. He's not a bad guy, Josh. I'm not saying that he is."

"I know." He sighed, and I could see that he'd calmed down. Thankfully.

"We'll figure it out later." I nodded, "For now, just.. Don't think about it." He took a deep breath, nodding. Looking over, he smiled a little.

"You're sitting on the bed." He pointed out, and I looked down.

"I guess I am." I shrugged a little, "But it doesn't mean I'll be sleeping on it. Sorry."

"Aw, come on." He was getting back to that now, "Look, just try."

"Would you stop pressuring her?" Andrew groaned, "Really, Josh. If she doesn't want to, then she doesn't have to."

"You shut up." This bossy tone from Josh surprised me. Now I definitely saw what Andrew had been talking about, "No one asked you for your opinion." Andrew looked down.

"Hey." I protested, "That's a little much, don't you think? Don't talk to him like that."

"He was being rude." Josh reasoned, "Anyway. Just try. Unless you want to keep acting like a baby your whole life." I narrowed my eyes, an instant blush coating my cheeks.

"You don't know what you're talking about." I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

"Don't I?" He asked, "Because sleeping on the couch is what babies do."

"Josh." Andrew said again, and Josh looked to him.

"Shut. Up." Josh told him pointedly, "I know what I'm doing."

"And what if I don't?" Andrew challenged, "What are you going to do about it?"

"I could always shut you up." Josh stood, and I knew he was completely serious. I darted to my feet. Jogging the step it took to stand between them.

"Guys." I warned, "Stop it. I don't want any fighting in here." Any more, that was. I couldn't handle more blood in my carpet. Neither of them wanted to back down, and I saw that. Zack, seeing my predicament, stepped up as well, standing with me between the two of them. I knew the only way to get Josh to leave Andrew alone was to agree.

"Fine." I sighed, "I'll try, but don't say I didn't warn you." Josh grinned, looking to me.

"Was that so hard?" He asked, "I call the other side."

"What?" I asked, surprised. That should have been expected, but my exhausted mind didn't even think about it.

"You sleep next to him all the time." Josh reasoned, gesturing to Andrew, "It's my turn." I looked to Andrew, and his glare didn't make this any easier. I sighed.

"Whatever." I relented, shaking my head, "Just don't be surprised when I'm on the floor when you wake up."

We settled in to sleep not long later, Andrew choosing to sleep on the floor directly beside my side of the bed. Zack on his other side. It took me awhile, but I was actually able to fall asleep.

I did wake later that night. Not because of a dream, surprisingly, but because I felt movement behind me. Suddenly wide awake as Josh was in the middle of rolling over, and he had just enough time to throw his arm around me and pull me back against him, my back tight against his chest, before I started to freak out.

I made a noise I swore only dogs could hear, and grabbing the edge of the mattress, I pulled as hard as I could away from him. I was surprised, though, when he let me go so easily, startled awake as well.

That hard pull away from Josh had launched me over the side of the bed, landing on Andrew, who gave a loud grunt, suddenly awake along with us. Josh hit the floor on the other side of the bed with a dull thud, having been startled by my sudden freak out.

We both peeked up over opposite sides of the bed at the same time, looking at each other across the bed in the dim light of the room.

"Ow." Andrew mumbled behind me.

"So.." Josh panted, calming down after being scared so thoroughly, "You don't cuddle?" To my surprise, I started to laugh. Josh following after a moment. I lowered my forehead onto the bed, shaking my head as I tried to stop laughing.

"You scared the hell out of me." I admitted, pulling myself back up.

"I'm sorry, Leandra. I got cold." He laughed a little, "You're warm."

"Geez, guys." Zack mumbled from the other side of Andrew, "Shut up, would ya? Trying to sleep."

I still had no idea how it happened, but I woke in the morning with all three of them on the bed with me. Somehow, all four of us fit. Zack had turned around in his sleep, his feet where his head should be, one foot in Andrew's sleeping face, and his upper half hanging off the mattress, but otherwise, we were all normal. I was laying between Josh and Andrew, smashed between their backs, but I didn't care.

I'd slept so well, it surprised me. I was more rested than I'd been in a long time. I didn't want to wake up, or even move. What surprised me the most, was that I was sleeping on my back. I never did that. It made sense, though, because I knew that either side I laid on would face someone, so laying on my back would give me the open space I needed to not feel closed in.

I realized then why I'd woken up.

"Move." I flipped over and kicked Josh in the back, dumping him out of bed, "I gotta pee." I jumped over him groaning on the floor, and before I'd even left the room, Andrew shouted in surprise at Zack's foot in his face and shoved him to the floor as well.

"Good morning to you, too." Josh called after me, somewhat irritably.

"Sleep well?" I ignored Emmett on my way to the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. He'd been right. So what? I didn't want to admit it.

I stepped out of the bathroom to a line formed, and the smell of breakfast starting. I was still a little tired, but nowhere near as exhausted as I was. I didn't know if I was cured or not, but I'd worry about that later. For now, though, I was so incredibly grateful to Josh for insisting. I couldn't help it as I threw my arms around Josh as he waited behind Zack, and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you." I told him. It was true. Without his pressure, I probably would have been miserable on the floor, unable to sleep at all. I stepped back, smiling a little at the grin on his face.

"No problem." He said, "I'm glad it helped."

"It did." I nodded, "A lot."

I couldn't explain it. Maybe it really did take all three of them staying with me for it to help. With Andrew, I still dreamed. Being smashed between the three of them, I didn't. Maybe it was the fact that I was so very tired, but whatever the reason, I didn't care.

Before I could fully step away, though, Josh pulled me back to him and pressed a kiss to my lips. A quick one, quicker than the first one I shared with Andrew, but somehow, this one was longer lasting. It was over before I could even protest, leaving me standing there, surprised. I glanced to Emmett's surprised look, watching as he shook his head and looked to the TV again.

My lack of reaction only gained a second, longer lasting kiss from Josh. This time, I managed to step back, biting my lip once he was done. I had trouble breathing, but I managed to hide it the best I could. Making my way into my room, closing the door behind myself.

I hadn't realized before how nervous being kissed made me feel. Not quite panicking, but so close to it. I had to take a few minutes, but felt so incredibly stupid for reacting this way. Not for something so small. I used the time I spent in the room to get dressed. Giving myself an excuse. Just like that, my calm morning had ended, and a hectic, nervewracking one began.

I stepped back out, nervously looking out into the hall. It was empty now, so I scooted out to the living room. Flopping onto the couch on my knees beside Emmett.

"What do I do?" I asked in a whisper.

"That's something you're going to have to figure out on your own, shorty." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Do I hit him?" I asked, "Because I seriously feel like doing that. Or throwing up. I'm not sure which." I paused, "Maybe you can hit him, while I throw up. Yeah." I nodded, attempting to crawl backwards off the couch.

"Shorty." I paused, looking up, "You're going to have to choose one of them. You can't be running around letting both of them kiss you. You're all getting to the age when that's going to start to bother them."

"I choose neither." I said after a surprised silence, "Neither of them." He frowned in confusion, "Emmett, I meant what I said. I don't want any part of having a boyfriend. Ever."

"Shorty." He murmured, trying to correct me.

"With Andrew, I don't know. It was just something fun to try. With Josh.. It's.. It makes me nervous. It's too weird."

"I can hear that." He confirmed, "Just take a breath. Calm down."

"Leandra." I looked back toward the kitchen at Zack's call, "Come on."

I looked down briefly, before continuing off the couch.

"Shorty." He called my attention again, and I looked back at him, "Alice was looking for you. She wanted me to tell you to find her as soon as you have a minute." I nodded, sighing. Busy morning.

"Leandra." Alice found me, quickly descending the stairs, "Just a second?" I knew what she wanted so badly to talk to me about. This was beginning to overwhelm me. My name being called in several different directions at once.

"You kissed her?" Andrew's voice called my attention next. Who told him? Probably Josh. Bragging. Just like Emmett had said, he really didn't sound happy.

"Shit." I sighed, "Guys, cool it."

"Leandra." Zack called again, "Andrew's a little pissed."

"Shorty?" Emmett asked, and I stomped my foot a little.

"Hold on a second." I sighed loudly, "Wow." I looked to Alice, "This can wait, so can yours." I pointed to Emmett before I turned and jogged toward the kitchen where Esme already had the two of them separated. Both on their feet, looking at each other. Josh was obviously finding this very amusing.

"Look, I didn't know she was taken." Josh said, his hands up a little.

"Taken?" I asked, surprised, "No-"

"She's not exactly-" Andrew started, unable to finish that.

"Then why are you so mad?" Josh countered, "If it's not a big deal, then-"

"No, I'm not taken." I shook my head, "Just stop, okay?"

"You knew I liked her." Andrew told him incredulously. This was beginning to get overwhelming. Their arguing quickly grating on me.

"Whoa, wait-" I tried.

"You knew I liked her, too." Josh said, "And let's face it. I'm the better choice."

"How?" Andrew snorted, "You don't know her like I do."

"I'm older." He said, "And I can protect her better."

"Look who your uncle was." Andrew wasn't messing around now, but he didn't realize that comment hurt me too.

"H-Hey-" I tried.

"That's low." Josh said, "I'm not responsible for what he did. At least I'm making an effort with her."

"I like her too, you know." Zack added shyly from his seat, and I looked to him incredulously. Not him too!

"B-But.." I whimpered, "Wha-"

"Oh, and I'm not?" Andrew grumbled, completely ignoring Zack.

"No." Josh replied, "You're not. You're too soft with her. She needs someone to pressure her on things she doesn't want to do, because it's what she needs."

"Guys-"

"I can pressure her." Andrew countered, "I just choose not to because I like to consider how she feels about things, unlike you."

"Whoa!" I finally shouted, holding my hands out and they shut up. Both of them looking to me now, "Guys, stop it. When did all of this get so damn serious?" I looked desperately at Esme, who stood shaking her head a little with a small smile on her face. I sighed heavily, running my hands through my hair, "Just.. Stop. You're friends. Start acting like it again." I wanted to continue, but I had not a clue where to start. So I just spluttered for a moment, before turning and walking away.

Passed Alice, Jasper and Emmett who'd come to see what was going on.

"Sort them out, would you?" I asked, turning to look at Jasper, "I'll be in here. Find me when they're normal again."

"Look what you did." Josh again, "You pissed her off."

"I didn't do anything!"

I flopped face down on the couch. I honestly didn't want to deal with all of that right then. I couldn't make myself. I ignored Alice's sigh as she sat by my feet, until she spoke.

"Boys." She laughed as if that explained everything.

"Not now. Please." I mumbled into the cushion.

"Leandra." Alice laughed again, "The guys will sort them out."

"I don't want them dead, either." I mumbled again.

"Not like that." Esme had joined Alice in the living room with me, "They'll talk to them for you." I sighed, sitting up and clearing my hair from my face.

"It's never been like this before." I sighed, adjusting how I sat, "This is.. I don't even know."

"It was bound to happen soon, Leandra." Alice murmured, "You're all getting older now."

"I don't care." I said, "I don't want _this_. I don't want them to fight because of me."

"Jasper and Emmett will set them straight." Esme assured me, "They don't realize that arguing isn't going to work." I sighed, but nodded.

"I'm just glad I got some sleep before they decided to start that crap." I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

"So you did get to sleep?" Alice asked, smiling, "How?"

"All four of us on the bed." I admitted, and she nodded slowly in understanding, "For some reason that worked." I was quiet for a second, "I don't know if it'll stay that way, though. I'm so afraid to try it alone."

It was quiet for a moment, and I sighed. Calming down a little more, yet growing more edgy. It wasn't the silence in the living room that disturbed me. It was too quiet in the kitchen. I looked in that direction, the wall blocking my view of where they'd be.

"Leandra, I want to talk about what happened last night." Alice finally prompted, and I looked down.

"I know." I said, "And I can't explain that any more than you can. It was just a feeling I got. It's no big deal-"

"Leandra." I looked over at Josh's voice, sighing as I spotted Andrew beside him. For the love of all that was sane, one situation at a time!

"Uh-uh." I barked, standing, "Get your butt back in there until I know you've gotten over.. Whatever the hell that was."

"Leandra-" Andrew was tense, but I was more so.

"No." I said, "Not right now. Go.. Sort that out in my room. I'll be there in a minute."

"If you'd just listen, I can explain." Andrew's tone was something I hadn't heard before. It only made me defensive.

"Just go." I said, "Please." He studied me for a second.

"Fine." He turned without another word, and Josh followed with a smirk. I wasn't the only one who noticed a huge change in his behavior. His mood had steadily declined since he'd been here, and I couldn't figure out why.

I would focus on that later, I decided, and I sat back down with a heavy sigh. Jasper and Emmett joining us.

I talked with Alice about all I knew about the night before for almost twenty minutes, which was only what happened. He went to walk away, and I somehow knew to warn him. I still didn't know why she was so intensely interested in what I had to say. As far as I was concerned, it was only a coincidence.

"Alice," I sighed, "I've had feelings like that before. It just means I'm paranoid." She sighed as well.

"I suppose you could be right." She smiled a little, "But promise me you'll let me know the next time you have a feeling like that again?" She prompted.

"I will." I said, "Am I done here? I've got three boys in my room ready to kill each other." She grinned, laughing quietly.

"Yeah." She allowed, "Go on." I smiled and stood.

"Shorty." I looked back at Emmett, "Go easy on them. They might be stupid boys, but they're your friends."

"Damn." I muttered, "You're right. Alright, I won't punch them that hard."

"Holy hell." Emmett sighed with a laugh, shaking his head as he watched me walk away, "What have we gotten ourselves into?"

I stepped back into my room, to find the three of them silent. Zack lay back on my bed, tossing a pillow in the air, Andrew sat reading, and Josh was studying a picture frame on my dresser. I sensed the difference. It was obvious to me by just looking at them that they had continued their argument, and given the look on Andrew's face, he hadn't won. There was a bitterness there that I wasn't used to seeing. Not quite angry, but something else.

"Wow." I said, gaining their attention, "So.."

"So tomorrow." Josh said, smiling as he turned to look at me, "You're coming over, right? Dad says I can have a couple of friends spend the night."

I couldn't even think for a second. Surprised beyond belief. One, I'd completely forgotten that Josh's birthday was two days after mine. Two, I knew that his dad wasn't a bad guy, but there was still some part of him that made Jack confide in him. I really wasn't sure if I wanted to discover what part of him that was.

"Great." He smiled, "I'll let my dad know you'll be coming."

What part of stunned silence translated to, 'Sure. I'd love to'? I really couldn't figure that out. The more I tried to think of something to say, the more silent I became.

"Andrew, you're coming too, right?" He asked, looking to him. Andrew looked up from the book, sighing. His eyes landed on me briefly before he sighed again.

"Yeah." He nodded, "Yeah. I'll be there."

"Leandra." Alice called from the living room, "Mike's here." Awesome.

"Andrew." Mike called, "Your dad asked me to give you a lift home. Hope that's alright."

"That's just great." Andrew sighed, and his tone made me look to him. I'd hardly ever heard it that flat before. He tossed the book he was reading to the side, and stood. He walked passed me, and from the room without another word.

"H-Hey, wait.." I tried, and he didn't turn.

"So hey," Josh called my attention before I could follow him, "You're coming, right? Tomorrow?" He obviously needed me to say it.

"Yeah, I guess so." I mumbled, mostly to get him to shut up, and he grinned.

"Cool." He said, "See you then. About noon?" He kissed my cheek lightly, and left the room. I stood there for a second, before stomping my foot.

"And stop doing that!"

I finally got moving after another minute, scooting from the room in time to see them headed for the door. I felt eyes on me as I followed behind them, trying to catch up to them.

"Andrew, wait." I called, and I watched him turn, his expression even. It took me a minute before I could speak, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I bit my lip nervously.

"Why?" He asked quietly, "I don't think there's much else to talk about." I looked down, not at all prepared for that response, or the emotions it brought forth, "Have a good night. I'll see you tomorrow, princess." He'd never called me that before, and the way he used that term now didn't feel at all like one of endearment. He hadn't said it in a mean tone, yet it still felt that way. He gave a little bow, and turned, leaving.

I stood there, staring at the floor for a minute after they left, really not knowing what to do.

Had I just royally fucked everything up somehow?

"Ouch." Emmett murmured from behind me, "You okay, shorty?"

"That was new." My voice even shook. Despite being only heavily confused, "He's never spoken to me like that before."

"He's just upset, Leandra." Jasper spoke up, "He'll come around."

"I didn't want anything to change." I mumbled, continuing to stand there, "This is what I didn't want."

"Come sit, honey." Esme prompted, and I finally turned, heading over.

"I just don't get it." I shook my head a little, "When did everything change? Why is everything suddenly so different? And don't give me that, 'everyone is growing up' bullshit, either."

"Leandra." Esme corrected quietly.

"That's all that it is." Jasper said, "There really aren't many other ways to explain it."

"How can something so small, change them so much?" I asked, "I don't get it. They never argued like that before. They never seemed so.. Mad. So.. Ready to turn on each other like that."

"They'll sort it out." Alice assured me, "I know it's hard to get used to, but.. They're changing. Remember.." She sighed, glancing to Esme, "Remember how you couldn't stop crying the other day? For seemingly no reason?" I nodded a little, "Well, with them, it's the same. Only it's more of a.. Competition." She offered me a smile, shrugging a little, "It's just something they're going to do until they settle down a little later."

"So they can't help it?"

"Exactly." She nodded, "It really isn't their fault."

I nodded a little, "Okay. I think I get it now."

"It's just a little different." She said, "Try not to let it get to you so much." I nodded again, looking down at my hands. That would take some serious getting used to.

I sighed heavily, "Uh.. I gotta figure out what to get Josh for his birthday."

"I've already got that covered." Alice smiled at me, "Trust me. Don't worry. It's nothing too personal, so he won't get confused. It's what any friend would get their friend." I just took a deep breath and nodded, "And it'll keep all of them occupied long enough to help you survive tomorrow night. I suggest taking a book." That solved pretty much every worry I had about the next day.

"Thank you." I sighed, relaxing even more, "What would I do without you?"

"You'll be okay." She smiled. Her smile faded a little, "Just.. Don't wander."

That night, I tried. I really did, but without the boys, the room felt different. I woke up several times, but instead of letting me leave, Carlisle or Esme would be in and insist I try again. It really wasn't working this time.

For once, I'd found a problem that could only be fixed by my human friends.

Even with being sat with, it wasn't the same to me. I still preferred my family's presense, but there was something about having someone sleep next to me. Being squished between three others sleeping felt different. I never told them that, but I knew that was what the problem was. I never said anything, because they couldn't help it. It wasn't their fault, and they tried. They did the best they could.

And it turned out that Alice was right.

I got to Josh's house the next day, and discovered that I was actually the only girl there, yet one of at least ten other kids. The only ones I recognized were, of course, Andrew and Zack, along with Nate and Dylan, the older brothers I'd met awhile back, and their cousin Lucas and his friend Kevin. There were a lot of others there, and aside from Andrew and Zack sitting on the porch steps, they were all out on the front lawn, tackling and wrestling each other, and I looked nervously back at Alice.

"More humans." I murmured, and she gave me a small smile.

"You'll do just fine." She told me, "Just remember to keep your temper in check and don't wander." I wasn't going anywhere. I'd learned my lesson about wandering around town.

Alice's gift was actually three gifts. Three of the newest video games, apparently, and he went absolutely nuts over them. As did the other boys.

"How did you even _get_ these?" Josh asked, amazed, "Seriously, Leandra. These weren't supposed to be released until Christmas. You're amazing. Thank you so much!"

"I had a little help." I admitted, laughing, "But I thought you'd like them."

"You're kidding, right? I love them. This is amazing. Really." He shook his head, laughing.

The entire time I was there, Andrew had ignored me, aside from a look my direction now and then. It was really beginning to bother me. Even later that afternoon, while Josh and his other friends sat around playing the video games I'd gotten him. He and Zack sat across the room talking.

Between the noise of the TV in the living room, the boys finding the violence quite entertaining, and having Andrew mad at me, it was very difficult to concentrate on what I was reading. I wasn't brave enough to go over and say something, though. Afraid of the tone he'd used the day before. I never wanted to hear that again, and I knew if I were to go over, I would.

I still couldn't understand it. So Josh had kissed me. It wasn't that big of a deal, but he was acting and looking at me like I'd killed his cat or something. Was it because I didn't hit Josh after? Was it whatever Emmett and Jasper said to them? Maybe Emmett went ahead and told them that I wasn't going to choose either of them?

One, was it not only too early for me to begin choosing, but two, it wasn't something I was comfortable with doing. Josh was the only one acting normally. So, naturally, I chose to be around him more. Which only made the whole situation with Andrew even worse.

Despite Andrew and Zack's mood, Josh seemed to be able to ignore them quite effectively. I found myself a little jealous. Wishing I could be more like him. The thing was, Andrew was my best friend. It bothered me that he was still so upset. It wasn't like him.

It was only four-thirty in the afternoon. How was I supposed to make it through the entire night this way? Eventually, I'd had enough.

"Where's your room?" I asked Josh, "I think I'm gonna go read where it's quiet."

"Huh?" He asked, "Oh. Yeah, go for it. It is kind of loud in here. It's upstairs. Third door on the left."

"Thanks." I forced a small smile, standing. I didn't even look at Andrew as I left the room. If he wanted to be like that, then I could be too.

Climbing the stairs, I kept my eyes down. The last thing I needed was to go tumbling. Unfortunately, running into someone at the top. I looked up at Mike, mumbling a quiet apology.

"Don't worry about it." He chuckled, "Where you off to so fast?"

"I was just.. Going to read. It's pretty loud down there."

"I see. Smart kid, you are." He smiled, "Come here for a second. I've been meaning to talk to you. One on one, if you don't mind." His hand closed on my shoulder as he turned, heading back up the hallway. This guy was big, so I really didn't want to piss him off. I stuttered excuses, looking back, "Now, don't be nervous. I don't bite."

He led me into a room at the very end of the hall, and to me, it looked like an office, but it was pretty small. Most of the space taken up by the computer desk in the corner. To my relief, he left the door open, giving me a smile. He gestured to a chair against the wall, and slowly, I sat. Clutching my book to me in my lap.

"So tell me." He said, sitting across from me, "How are you holding up?" Of course, he would want to talk about Jack. I looked down, still not sure how to answer him. I decided then to try to figure out what he knew. Keeping my expression calm was a little tougher than I thought.

I shrugged a little in answer, "You?" How close was Mike to Jack? He was quiet for a moment, looking down.

"It's tough." He said, "It really is." I looked down before he looked back up. I didn't want him to wonder, "You know, I knew him well. As well as anyone could know their brother-in-law." I looked up, meeting his eyes briefly, "I'll be honest. Heather didn't like him. It always puzzled me how his own sister didn't even like him. She still hasn't told me why." I knew I liked her, "She doesn't like any of her family. Always hates it when we go and visit her family in California every year." I looked up again, surprised.

"It's _her_ parents you visit?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Her mom and dad never have a chance to see the boys." He said, "They love it there."

That meant that whoever raised Jack was still around. If Heather had a childhood anything like mine, I could tell him exactly why she hated going there every year. That would also explain her mood before they'd even left. Yet she never put her foot down, refusing to go. What kind of torture must that be? Having to see her father every year, even now.

"You're such a quiet little thing." He pointed out, "You remind me a lot of Heather. I wanted to talk to you, because I just can't see any truth anymore in what Jack always told me."

"What would he tell you?" That question had been almost been aching to be asked.

"He always told me how unruly you were. How he'd work tirelessly, trying to correct your behavior. Either it worked, or he was doing too much." I kept my eyes down, "I suggested all the time that we should get you kids together sooner, just so I could meet you, but he never agreed. Saying something about how you didn't deserve to meet his nephews. He never went into specifics with you, and I never asked. Seeing how it really was none of my business." He paused, his voice softer than I ever remember it being, "What would you always do so wrong?"

My voice was quiet, "He never told you what he'd do?"

"No." He answered, leaning forward interestedly, "All he told me, was how often he'd punish you. Never going into detail about what that meant, but seeing you now, and knowing you were that kid, I'm suddenly very curious."

I was usually very good at reading people. A sort of sixth sense, I guess. I could always tell when people were up to no good, or when they could be at very least believed. I knew Mike was telling me the truth now, and that meant a lot to me.

I suddenly didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to ruin his view of Jack. Not for Jack's benefit, though. For his. As I thought before, Mike wasn't a bad guy. He didn't know everything, so that, at least, was a relief. I wanted to leave it at that. He didn't know before, and he didn't need to know now.

Maybe it was the fact that I wanted to avoid pity. Maybe it was the fact that I actually liked Mike. He'd never done anything to make me dislike him, but I didn't want to ruin his day that way. By telling him that Jack really wasn't the kind of guy he thought he was, I would. So I decided not to.

"It doesn't matter anymore." I replied, "All I'm going to say, is that.. I'm not as heartbroken that he's gone as you are." He studied me for a moment, before looking down and nodding.

"Okay." He said, sensing my need not to talk about it, "Okay, Leandra." I gave him a very forced smile and stood, heading for the door, "Let me know if you need anything, sweetheart."

"I will." I said, relieved.

Instead of stopping in Josh's room, I went downstairs again. I glanced to Andrew, sensing his eyes on me. The look in them made me look away instantly, sighing. I shook my head a little, and leaned over the back of the loveseat so I could tell Josh without anyone else hearing.

"Your dad didn't know." I murmured, and he looked back at me. I shook my head, seeing the relief in his eyes, "So don't worry. I'll tell you more later." I could see that I'd made his day even more, so I felt better about being here. A lot better.

Now, if only I could figure out what to do about Andrew. I looked toward him, meeting his eyes briefly again before he looked away this time.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Josh asked, and that surprised me. I thought for sure he'd want to stay here with all of his other friends. They seemed distracted though, so that explained it.

"Sure." I mumbled, "Yeah."

He leaned over to his friend Tyler seated beside him, "I'll be right back." Tyler nodded, and Josh stood, stepping around him, and came to my side. Giving me a smile, he led the way toward the door. Looking back, I saw Andrew's eyes on us, but I found I didn't care. If he was going to act like that, then he could sit there and stew in whatever it was he was putting himself through. Josh was offering to let me take a break from his mood, and I was taking it.

Andrew's bitterness was making me bitter, and I really didn't want to be.

"So." Josh said, closing the door behind him, "Sorry it's loud in there. They get a little worked up." I sighed, shrugging.

"I'm just not used to it." I said, "It's okay." I walked along beside him, briefly noticing that we were headed for the sidewalk. Would this count as wandering? It was true, I didn't know Josh as well as I knew Andrew, but I strongly preferred Josh over Andrew and Zack right then.

I looked over at him, "What is wrong with Andrew?"

He laughed, "No idea, but that was getting old. Pretty quick." He looked down at me, "I figured you'd notice."

"Yeah." I scoffed a little, "How could I not?"

"Good point." He laughed, "It's kind of funny, actually, that he'd be in such a bad mood."

"What'd you say to him?" I asked, "Yesterday while you guys waited in my room."

"Nothing." He said innocently, and I gave him a look, "Okay, okay. All I said, was that he should probably just give up. That fighting with me would only bother you."

"That's it?" I asked, "That's what he's mad about?" He shrugged.

"He knows you'll choose me." Josh said, and again, I gave him a look, "What? It's true."

"Josh." I sighed as I stopped walking, "I'm not choosing anyone."

"I know that." He said, "You're only eleven. But when you're older, you'll choose me."

"I'm not ever choosing anyone."

"Playing hard to get?" He asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Do you?" He asked after a minute.

"No." I admitted, and we laughed a little. So much for staying irritated with him.

"Don't let it pressure you." He finally told me, and we resumed our walking, "You worry too much, kid. It's really no wonder with someone like Andrew as your closest friend. He wouldn't know fun if it crawled up and bit him on the ass."

"And I suppose you could teach me how to keep from worrying all the time?" I laughed a little and he looked at me.

"I could, actually." He laughed along with me, "I'm more than just some bossy kid that hangs around with you, you know. You're too uptight."

"And what's your version of fun?" I asked curiously.

"Remember a few months back?" He asked, "With all those high school kids so ready to kill you?" I nodded. Recalling the way he'd definitely saved our asses that day. That was how I knew he was definitely a friend of mine.

"How could I forget?"

"That." He said, laughing, "That was fun."

"What?" I asked, "Pissing people off just because you can?"

"Pretty much." He grinned, and I found it contageous.

"Okay." I said, "That was a little fun."

"There's hope for you!" He laughed and again, it was contageous, "Why spend your time worrying about things you can't change? Don't sweat the small stuff, and you'll be a lot happier. Just let go now and then. Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen whether you worry about it or not. You're too grown up for an eleven year old. It's the adult's job to worry about crap. Not yours."

I was definitely seeing a new side of him. I'd always known he was different, but he'd never explained it to me before. I couldn't help it. I was starting to like him a little more now. Even despite who his uncle was, he was right. What Jack did wasn't his fault. Why should I hold it against him? I never considered it, but it seemed odd that other people would.

Josh wasn't anything like Jack, and I was suddenly irritated with Andrew for even bringing that up during their argument earlier. Josh reached over and grasped my hand in his, and I found myself a little more willing to let him now.

I could definitely do without so much worrying.

**A/N: Definite change. Those of you familiar with the original version will notice.  
I apologize for this taking so long. A whole lot of crap came down on me this week, and I was just trying to sort it out. I still am, but I thought I'd put this out there for all of your patience.  
THANK YOU! To my reviewers. I also got a few more followers and favorites this time around. For that, I also thank you.  
Chapter four _shouldn't_ take so long to come out, but I'm not making any promises. Especially with how crazy life has been lately.  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and it's major differences. I do, however, promise more changes in chapter four. So feel free to look forward to that. (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Importantish Note: 'M' for language in this chapter. It's not too bad, but just enough to warrant a heads up.**

**Chapter Four**

I had no idea why Alice told me not to wander. Nothing bad happened between Josh's house and the several blocks we walked. All that happened, was we talked, and I figured out that I liked him a little bit more than I did before, and I learned that he knew me better than I thought he did.

We didn't do anything wrong, or even worth getting worried over. We just talked, and we walked. That was it.

Maybe Alice meant not to go wandering alone? That was probably it.

I stopped wondering why she warned me against wandering the moment we managed to pass by my mom's old house, and I remembered clearly that night. The pounding rain and thunder. How cold I was as I ran home. I could even still feel the weight of my tears on my face. I studied the obviously still vacant house wondering how on earth a little house could seem so dark to no one but me.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked, seeing the look in my eyes. I glanced up, wondering when we'd stopped walking.

"This was my mom's house." I admitted quietly, and his eyes widened.

"Wait." He said, stepping around to look at my face, "Don't tell me she was the one that died here."

"She was." I murmured, "You heard about that?"

"Holy _freaking_ crap." He gasped, "The whole town heard about that, Leandra. That was your mom?"

"Yeah." I sighed, "It was. My mom and her boyfriend."

"What happened?" He asked, "I mean, I get it if you don't want to talk about it, but.. There weren't any details whatsoever in the newspaper."

"It was before I met you." I said, shrugging and finally tearing my eyes away from the house, "I barely even knew Andrew back then. God, that seems like so long ago."

He was quiet for a second, before he suddenly looked around.

"Come on." He took my hand again, and headed up the drive, pulling me along behind him.

"What are you doing?" I asked tensely. He led me around the back, and up to the back door. The grass back here really needed cut.

"We're going inside." He said, tugging on the door.

"You're kidding, right?" I demanded, taking my hand from his.

"It'll be fun." He said, tugging on the door, "Maybe they left something in there."

"Even if there was a way in, I don't think this is a good idea, Josh."

"You're worrying again." He said, looking to me, "Come on. Just in, take a look around, and out. Really quick."

After several moments of standing there, studying his expression, I sighed and shoved him to the side. Stepping up to the kitchen window, I placed my palms against the glass and shoved it upwards. Just a little surprised when it actually opened.

"Come hold this." I barked, and he quickly did, laughing a little. I shoved myself up and through the window, crawling onto the counter. I turned and held the window open for him, and he followed me inside.

I let the window close as he climbed down, leaving the kitchen. I waited a few seconds before turning, kneeling there on the counter, I looked around the empty kitchen.

"Wow." Josh's call from down the hall made me jump, "They cleaned this place out good." My heart pounded uncomfortably, and it was all I could do to sit fully on the counter.

"Okay, you saw. Let's go." I called back. He didn't reply, so I whined a little, "Josh, come on."

"Which one was your room?" He called, and I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Very last door. Straight at the end of the hall. Just.. Hurry up, okay? I really want to get out of here." I was barely holding on as it was. I hadn't been back here since Charlie carried me away that night. I kept my eyes down on my hands, forcing myself to take deep breaths.

A knock on the window behind me made me suddenly scream, covering my face briefly before looking back, spotting Alice's stern look. She gestured that I get out before she was suddenly gone again.

A second later, Josh came running around the doorway, sliding a little on the tile.

"What?" He panted, "What?"

"I uh.." I chewed briefly on my lip, "I saw a mouse."

"Seriously?" He asked, "Where?"

"It doesn't matter." I said, "Can we go? Please?"

"Where?" He asked again, "I wanna catch it."

"Over there." I gestured to the fridge, "I'll wait for you outside." I turned, lifted the window and climbed out. Thankful for the fresh air outside, I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes. My heart still pounded, but I was alive.

"I told you not to wander." I barely managed to bite back this scream, jumping violently.

"God." I groaned, covering my face, "Do you really have to keep trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I want you to go straight back to his house." She told me as I leaned forward, bracing myself on my knees.

"I think I'm dying." I whined, shaking my head.

"You're fine." She rolled her eyes, "I mean it, Leandra. Straight back to his house, and _don't_ hesitate to call." Before I could look over, she was gone.

"Shit.." I panted, still trying to calm down. Moments later, the window opened beside me, and I reached over to hold it open for Josh as he climbed out. He landed on the grass beside me, and I let the window close.

"I didn't find any mouse," He said, "But I did find this." He held up a gold necklace. The chain was broken, but I definitely recognized it. I gasped a little, reaching up and taking it from his hand quickly with a suddenly shaking hand.

"Where did you find it?" I asked, looking back at him.

"Under the fridge." He shrugged, "Is it hers?"

"It was hers." I confirmed, looking it over. It was a simple chain, with a simple pendant, but it meant a lot to me. The pendant was only a thin gold flower, not at all very much. I remembered seeing it on her as I sat in the room that day, trying so hard to convince her to leave him. I never noticed it before, but definitely recalled it now. She never took it off. I held the tiny pendant in my hand, cursing how tight my throat was getting.

"She was wearing this the day she died." I mumbled, looking back at him again, "Thank you for finding it."

"See?" He smiled, "I knew there was a reason I dragged you inside." He came to my side, looking down at it, "I could probably fix it for you, if you wanted me to."

"Could you?" I asked hopefully, looking up at him. I'd expected having to wait until I got home before it could be fixed, so this was a surprise.

"Yeah. Here, let me see." I hesitantly handed it over, and he looked at the break in the chain closely, "Oh yeah. Easily. It'll take me a few minutes. If that. Come on, let's go back." I smiled a little, following him around the side of the house, and back onto the sidewalk.

We walked quicker now, and despite how I tried to ignore it, the sense of dread was back in my stomach. I knew something bad was going to happen, so when we managed to make it back to his house without a problem, I was a little confused. To say the least. Maybe Mike wasn't as sincere as I thought? Or maybe one of his friends was up to no good? I honestly didn't know, but the feeling of dread still sat in my stomach as if it'd always been there.

I watched over his shoulder as he sat down at a desk in his room. Looking over the chain carefully between his fingers, he sighed a little.

"It'll be a few links shorter, but I can fix it." He murmured, and I nodded, letting him know that was fine with me. He gave me a smile, reaching into the drawer beside him, pulling out a pair of pliers, "Watch and learn."

And I did. Carefully opening one link, he placed the other, closed link inside it, and closed it back up. Firmly but carefully making sure it was secure. It amazed me how simple that was. It literally took him less than three minutes.

"There you go." He said, standing with a smile, "Good as new."

"Thank you." I murmured, gently taking the delicate chain from him.

"Not a problem." He replied, "I figured it meant a lot to you." I nodded, looking over the chain. I couldn't even tell at all where he'd repaired it. It was quiet for a minute, until he finally spoke again, "Look. About kissing you yesterday.." I looked up, listening, "Your brothers said it bothered you. I'm sorry."

I sighed, "I think it bothered Andrew more than it bothered me, to be honest."

"I just thought I'd try it." He said, "I didn't see the harm in it, but don't worry. I won't do it again." He paused, "Unless you want me to." He offered, and I laughed a little, looking down at the chain in my hands.

"Here." He offered, and I handed him the necklace, allowing him to clasp it into place around my neck. I reached up, feeling the thin gold pendant. Looking back up, I decided a kiss on the cheek wasn't too much to ask for. He just smiled, and returned it.

"Thank you." I said honestly, "For being.. Normal."

"No problem." He laughed, and I couldn't help laughing a little along with him.

"Hey." We both looked to the door at Andrew's irritated voice, "Are you coming back downstairs at all, or are you just going to leave your friends in the dust while you play around with your girlfriend?"

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Josh chuckled, and I looked down, "Leandra, feel free to come sit with me if it starts to get a little lonely up here." I nodded, smiling to let him know I appreciated that. He gave me a small smile in return, and turned, leaving the room. Andrew turned to follow him, but I jogged forward.

"Hey." I called, and he didn't turn, "Andrew."

"What?" He snapped, and at first, I wasn't sure where my courage had gone.

"Five minutes." I murmured, "Please."

"Fine." He crossed his arms over his chest. His attitude was quickly bringing my own forward.

"I want to know what the hell your problem is." I crossed my own arms, "You've never acted like this before, and I don't like it."

"Yeah, well.." He shrugged, "It's about damn time I do."

"Please." I barked, "Explain."

"It doesn't matter what I say anyway, because it's not going to make any difference."

"You know that's not true." I said, "You weren't acting like this until after Josh kissed me yesterday." His eyes narrowed, and I could see that he believed differently.

"If you'd been paying attention, you'd have known I'd been acting like this long before then."

"Really?" I scoffed.

"Yes, really." He replied, "The night before? When Josh demanded that you sleep in the bed?"

"Andrew, that has nothing to do with-"

"Yes it does!" I flinched a little at his shout, "It has everything to do with how I'm acting now! You don't even see it!"

"Calm down-"

"I try.. Everything I can think of to make you comfortable. I try everything I can to make sure you're comfortable, and that you're happy. If I'd known all you needed was somebody to boss you around, then I would have done that a long time ago!"

"Don't yell at me!" I shouted back, unable to help it, "Because I promise you, Andrew, you don't want to get me pissed!"

"Oh, what?" He demanded, "Are you going to turn on me too? Typical!"

"You shut your fucking mouth." I growled, "That's not fair and you know it."

"How is it not fair?" He asked, "Really. Tell me, because the way I see it, you've turned on everybody but me. Your family, even your dad. Your mom. I'm still waiting for my turn."

"Stop it." My voice was quieter now, "Don't do this."

"I'm just sick.. And tired.. Of nothing ever working. I try as hard as I can to make you see just how much I'm willing to go through for you, and you're fucking blind. Josh comes in, bosses you around a little bit, and suddenly, he's your hero? Fuck that."

"Andrew-"

"Fuck that, Leandra." He met my eyes, and I looked down, "I don't care what excuse you're about to give me. No matter what, I'll never be good enough."

I shook my head as I went to turn. I was done listening. He wasn't about to stand there, and let him talk to me that way. I decided he could come and find me when he calmed down, but to my surprise, he grabbed my arm. Literally painfully yanking me back around to look at him.

"I'm not done!" I roughly pulled my arm from his hand, barely managing to keep from hitting him as hard as I could.

"_Don't_ fucking yell at me!" I shouted instead.

"I've been there through everything!" He shouted in return, "_Everything_! The least you could do is listen to me now!" I couldn't reply, my breathing racing a little, "I was there! I was there for you when your mom was being a bitch!"

"Stop it!"

"When your bitch of a mom chose that asshole over you! Remember that?" He took a step toward me, and I took a step back. I didn't trust myself enough to be that close to him, "Then you run off, to God knows where like a fucking dumbass! I was still there, ready to accept that as a mistake, but I knew. That was incredibly stupid of you! And for what? What could you possibly have been thinking? Please, tell me, because I don't get it!"

I stayed quiet, looking to the side with a slight shake of my head.

"Nothing? I don't even deserve that?" He demanded, "Figures, but I was there! Even after that, I was there! I was there when your bitch of a mom decided to get herself killed!"

"Andrew, I swear to God-" I was trying to warn him.

"I was there through all of that shit at school, getting myself into trouble for defending you! And Zack? Zack did the same for you! Did you ever even thank him yourself? No? Big surprise there!"

"Shut up!" What he was doing was more than just pointing out all he'd done for me. He was throwing it all back in my face. His temper was finally getting the best of him, and he was hurting me in the process.

"Did you ever thank _me_ for not leaving you that day? For staying with you when I damn sure could have just gone home and let them beat your head in? No? Big surprise there!" I was quiet again, unable to really form words, "You're surprised? Are you really that stupid?"

"You obviously don't get it." I could hardly make myself speak, but I instantly regretted doing so.

"I get it more than you think I do, Leandra." He countered, "I was there for you when you got back from Tacoma, and the most I get is a hand to hold. Not a single fucking thank you, for hanging on. For keeping my head while you're going through God knows what."

"Get to your point." I glared, which he returned full force.

"My point?" He barked, and I flinched a little, "My _point_ is that no matter what I do for you, it'll never be enough! You take, and take. You never give, not even a little! Not to me, anyway. You give all you can to that fucker downstairs."

"Josh?" I asked, looking back up, surprised, "This is about Josh? You're yelling at _me_, because you're _jealous_?"

"It's not about that!" He was just getting more worked up.

"You're jealous! That sounds like your problem! Not mine!"

"Of course not!" He countered, "It never is! It's always fucking Josh! You thank Josh all the goddamn time, while Zack and I sit on the sidelines, no matter what we do for you! No matter what I do, it's never good enough. All I get is lies, excuses and apologies. Never once have I been good enough for the truth. Except for when I was with Josh." I closed my eyes briefly, looking down, "You're not getting it! I've gone through hell for you, Leandra, but I'm not anymore. I've worried, I've cried, and I've panicked. I've fought, and I've lied to my dad.. All for you, and you don't even see it! You don't even _see_ it, and still, I'm not good enough!"

I kept my gaze down.

"The only time you decided I was even good enough to hear about your past was with Josh standing right there. Don't you think that's something I needed to know? Didn't I deserve to know just what I was dealing with? Don't you think I needed to know just how fucked up you really are?"

I barely bit back the sob at his words, taking another step back.

"You were raised around selfishness and pain. Nothing but.. Jack, doing all of those horrible things to you, and yet.. I didn't hear about it until his _nephew_ was standing right there!"

"I w-wasn't sure-"

"You weren't _sure_?" He barked, "After all I'd already gone through for you, you wait until Josh is there to tell me? And the worst part is, you never saw! You never opened your goddamn eyes long enough to look around yourself long enough to see! I was there from the moment you started school in Forks, and yet Josh is the one you always turn to! Well, I'm done!"

He was quiet, panting a little in his anger. He was right, which was what hurt the most. I was quiet, looking down. Realizing just how right he was. Having this brought to my attention so forcefully shocked me into silence, "What? No response to that?"

"What?" I demanded defensively, "You want a fucking medal? Is that really what you want? I don't know what you want from me!" He was attacking me, and though I really didn't want to, I would react soon. To my surprise, I felt like crying more than I felt like hitting him.

"How about a thank you?" He countered, "Just once, I want to be the one you appreciate!"

"I do appreciate you!"

"Could have fooled me!" He replied, "Because I've never seen it!" He met my eyes again, and I was speechless at what I saw there. Anger, contempt. Accusation, "I'm done. You and Josh are just perfect for each other. So you take your little walks, and whatever. Your five minutes are up, Leandra." He turned to go.

"J-Just wait for a second!" I shouted this time, and I grabbed his arm. A little too roughly, I had to admit, and he gave a little shout of pain before he turned, and shoved me roughly.

I stumbled back, tripping over my own feet and landing on my butt. He watched me fall, standing there for a few seconds afterwards. I looked up, surprised, watching him straighten his shirt a little.

"You want to know what I think?" He asked, quieter now. I shook my head a little, silently telling him not to continue. Silently begging him not to say anything else. I was already in so much pain, and I knew what else he had to say was just going to make it so much worse. I wasn't wrong.

"I think you were better off in Tacoma. You should have stayed there, where you couldn't hurt anyone else."

He might as well have punched me in the stomach. I couldn't respond now if I wanted to. There were no words for me, if I could even make my voice work. I looked down, squeezing my eyes shut around the tears. All he did was shake his head, and turn. Heading down the stairs.

I flinched at the front door slamming, knowing the others were now aware.

I wasn't hurt. Not physically, at least. My heart was breaking, however. I tried, though, to fight it back, but by the time Josh and Zack both jogged up the stairs, I was in tears. Still on the floor.

"Did he hit you?" Josh demanded, "Because if he did-"

"No." I cried, "He didn't." Zack turned anyway, jogging back down the stairs.

"Then why are you on the floor?" Josh demanded again, "I swear, I'll go hit him right now." My stomach hurt with how upset I was. He seemed torn for a moment, but eventually, he chose to step forward, and help me up.

"I'm okay." I managed to sniffle out, "It's not his fault."

"Bullshit." Josh replied, "I heard him yelling at you. I thought it wasn't any of my business, so I stayed downstairs." He pulled me into his room, which I was thankful for.

"Thank you." I mumbled, "Coming upstairs probably would have just made it worse."

"What is his problem?" He asked, surprised.

"He's jealous." I replied, and I fully realized what I'd said was true. I sat down on the side of his bed, staring at the floor. Suddenly painfully reminded of Keith. His jealousy caused him to beat my mom. Horrifically. The very same reason I decided I'd never have a boyfriend. Could I not even have friends? I thought being hit or shouted at was strictly from boyfriends, but maybe I was wrong.

That little fight I'd just had with Andrew was nowhere near as bad as she'd gotten, but I definitely saw the similarities. And who's to say it wouldn't get worse as we got older? That thought alone made me desperately want to run away and hide. I looked over, watching as Josh sat beside me.

"You're sure you're okay?" He asked, concerned, "You're pretty pale. Do you want me to call your dad? Or someone?"

"N-No. I'm fine." I mumbled, looking down, "I just need a minute alone, please."

"Okay." He said, "Just let me know if you need anything." I nodded, closing my eyes around the renewed tears in my eyes. I felt him stand and listened to his bedroom door close as he left. I was able to hold it back for a few seconds, before I completely lost it. If I thought I was crying before, that was nothing compared to what came next.

Silent sobs stole my breath, shaking my entire body with their force. These sobs seemed so much more painful that I'd felt in months. The one person I fully believed never to hurt me had just crushed me, and I was still feeling the effects of it. And I couldn't even blame him for it. Every word he'd said had been true. So undeniably true, and I thoroughly hated myself for it.

I kept my sobs as silent as I could, causing a dull pounding ache in my head with each breath I took in. It hurt more than words could describe to lose Andrew. Especially the way it just happened. Having everything I'd done so painfully thrown back at me wasn't something I was at all prepared for.

This was different. I hadn't felt this particular type of heartbreak yet. It still amazed me to find how many different ways a heart could break, and here I was, sobbing over the latest. Each time I thought nothing else could hurt me more than before, along came something else.

I was getting so tired, so very tired of being hurt. How could one person be expected to deal with this? One small person. That's all I was. I was nothing special, yet I was quickly becoming tired. Closing in quickly to the end of my rope.

Jasper had been right. This was one of my biggest fears. Andrew using all he'd learned about me against me, and yet, it was my fault. It was my fault he'd finally lost it with me. I had screwed everything up, and I hadn't even realized I was doing it.

Covering my face with my hands, I shook my head. I shook harder the harder I had to try to keep my sobs silent. I couldn't handle anyone knowing how badly this fight had wounded me. The very last thing I needed right then was being humiliated by the kids downstairs. I didn't need that.

I actually wanted nothing more than to go home. Or at very least have Carlisle or Esme here to tell me that the pain would ease, to have someone here to put their arms around me and just let me cry until I couldn't anymore. I realized that I was getting too old for that, and that only made the pain worse. It seemed as if the moment I finally got someone that would hold me, I started to outgrow it.

Too old for it or not, I needed someone there. This was too much. Having all of my faults thrown back at me so painfully, having my heart broken so thoroughly, I just couldn't handle it. I didn't know what to do, though. Here I was, growing up, yet I couldn't handle something like this on my own?

I didn't have to go home. I just needed someone there. The longer I sat there alone, the harder my sobs came. It wasn't easing. It wasn't letting up. It was only hurting me more. Reminding me more forcefully that I was alone. That I didn't belong here.

To my surprise, though, the bedroom door opened again. I only looked up long enough to see Josh quickly pushing into the room. Closing the door behind him. Making sure he didn't let anyone else inside with him.

"Leandra." He murmured, seeing how upset I was, "Are you okay?" I shook my head, and he quickly crossed the room. Sitting beside me with a sigh, "I'm going to hit him so hard the next time I see him." He put his arm around me, and I couldn't help turning and hugging him. He was the best I had right then, even if it didn't really help, "You're shaking so much."

"I'm sorry." I whimpered, and he just hugged me tighter.

"Don't be." He said, "I can't believe what I heard. Are you sure you don't want me to call your dad?" I sobbed a little, looking toward the window. Remembering Alice's words outside the house. Don't hesitate to call.

But I would hesitate.

"I'm sure." I replied, "Don't call. I'll be okay in a minute."

A few times, Josh had to turn curious people away, refusing to let them in. The only time he left my side was to pull the door open just a crack, and talk quietly with someone else on the other side of the door.

"What's going on in there?" I heard from behind the door.

"Nothing." Josh said, "Nothing. I'll be down in a minute. If you're bored, just open one of the other games."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, man. Go for it. I'll be right down." Josh nodded, and closed the door. Turning back around to look at me.

Finally, after several deep breaths, I was able to calm down enough to stop sobbing for the most part. A sort of numbing hardness was settling into the new break in my heart, and I knew it'd be there for awhile. And I was grateful. I let it be, not bothering to fight it. This was the way things were, and I'd just have to accept that. The more I fought it, the worse it would hurt, so to save myself the pain, I wouldn't fight it.

I allowed myself a few more minutes, to make it look less like I'd been crying, and stood.

"You're okay?" Josh asked, surprised, "So soon?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Go on downstairs. I'll be there in a minute." He sighed, but nodded as well. Turning and leaving the room.

If it was the last thing I did, I wouldn't lean on another of my human friends. It was painfully obvious now that they couldn't handle it. This taught me nothing but the fact that I'd been right. I would turn out exactly like my mom if I let myself.

I didn't know how to prevent that, but to avoid the humans at all costs. I knew if I allowed it, Josh would turn out the same way. I didn't want to wind up in this situation again, so I wouldn't allow him to console me anymore. So this was it. That was all I got.

I'd gotten myself into this mess, anyway. My only option was to just deal with it, and move on. That was my only option. I'd already changed so much, and I could see that.

A few months ago, I would have wound up hitting Andrew for all he'd said to me. He never would have been able to finish what he was saying. The fact that I cried instead really scared me. It was like I didn't know myself anymore. However grateful I was that I hadn't hit him, I knew then that I was changing. Who would I be next month? Or the month after that?

I was turning into someone I didn't even know. Was I turning into someone who would just let herself be walked on? Was I losing my will to fight for myself? I could only hope that I wasn't. Against my will, I questioned who I was becoming. It bothered me, it really did to think that I would ever let anybody speak to me like that. Truth or not, Andrew or not, I should have done something. Yet I didn't. I backed down, I let him shout at me that way. What was happening to me?

I stored that thought away for later. I couldn't make myself face it right then.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. Zack had decided to stay the night at Andrew's house, thankfully, leaving me alone with Josh and his other friends. For once, I was comforted by being in the middle of a large group. I didn't want to be alone. Not after that. Besides that, they were funny. The things they'd grumble to each other, or shout at the TV made me laugh.

They'd all made it their personal goal to cheer me up, instead of embarrassing me further, which relieved me.

By nine-thirty, those that weren't staying the night had left, leaving four others sitting with Josh and I on the living room floor in front of the huge TV. I tried not to think about Andrew, or wonder what it was he was doing now, but the thought came up more than I liked. We went to sleep sometime passed three in the morning, which surprised me because I hadn't noticed time passing.

The last couple of days had been so unbelievably messed up, it took me laying awake in Josh's bed for an hour just to think about it all. The four others on the floor were all fast asleep, as was Josh behind me, but here I was. Wide awake. Sleep was the furthest thing from my mind, even with how emotional the day had been. The rain pounding loudly against the house didn't help, either.

I tried, yet I could only fall asleep for minutes at a time. Someone would make a noise, and I'd be right back awake again. I eventually got up, bothered more as time went on. Stuck with the same questions I'd asked myself earlier. Who was I becoming? Someone selfish and bitter? Weak and fragile? I wanted to avoid that at every cost, but I had no idea how I allowed Andrew to speak to me that way, so it was happening whether I wanted to avoid it or not.

I was up a good two hours before everyone else, sitting downstairs in the quiet kitchen as it slowly got lighter outside. Just thinking. I didn't cry this time. I was calmer now, so I could think.

The rain continued outside, almost numbing me further. I didn't mind it now.

Thankfully, Alice came to pick me up before Zack and Andrew came over. Josh stood with me on the porch, seeing me out.

"Thanks." He said, "For deciding to stay yesterday. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with, but I like being around you."

"I think I'm starting to like you more now." I said, "Especially after yesterday. Thank you. For not making fun of me."

"I'll talk to Andrew today." He replied, "Don't worry about that. And yes, I'll do what I can to refrain from punching him."

"By all means." I shrugged, looking down, "Punch him all you want. I don't care anymore." He seemed surprised, before his expression saddened and he hugged me.

"Remember. Try not to worry so much." He said, stepping back, "Have more fun."

"I'll see what I can do."

"That's the spirit." He laughed a little, trying to calm me down.

I climbed into Alice's car, and we pulled away from the house just as Andrew and Zack were rounding the block up ahead, and I kept my eyes down, bitterly smoothing the hem of my shirt out until we'd passed them.

"I told you not to wander." She sighed, shaking her head.

"What does wandering have to do with what happened with Andrew?" I asked, looking over at her.

"It was leaving with Josh that was the final straw for him, Leandra." She said and I looked down, leaning back as I realized how right she was, "I have reasons for telling you not to do something."

"Yeah, well.." I mumbled, "It would come in handy if you told me those reasons once in awhile, Alice."

I definitely felt better the moment we were home. Safer, as if I could actually cry without being made fun of. It hurt. It really did. Andrew's words the day before still fresh in my mind, I didn't feel much like being alone, so I sat with Emmett. Slouched a little on the couch beside him, my hands in my lap. He didn't bring it up, but I knew by his glances that he knew about what happened.

I didn't look to Jasper as he came into the room, Alice close behind him. I stayed focused on the TV, really not wanting to hear it.

"Thank you." I mumbled once I felt him attempt to ease my emotions. The emotions that had been burning in me for the passed hour.

"Leandra, I'm sorry." That, I hadn't been expecting. I finally looked over.

"For what?" I asked, confused.

"I honestly never thought it would go the way it did." Jasper replied, "If I had, I never would have suggested you take that risk."

"You and me both." I sighed, looking back to the TV, "It's not your fault, Jasper. It isn't. It's mine."

"No it's not." Alice spoke up, appalled.

"It is." I nodded a little, "He was right. Everything he told me was true. He could have been a little nicer in how he told me, but that doesn't make it any less true. I never noticed before. I never noticed before how selfish I am, but now that I know, it's too little too late. I'm not sticking around waiting for that to happen again."

"So I suppose now wouldn't be a good time to tell you that he's called six times since you've been home?" I looked over as Esme entered the room with a small sigh.

"I don't care." I mumbled, looking to the TV once more, "He probably just remembered something else he hasn't shoved in my face yet." Nobody replied, so I sighed, "I'm just incredibly thankful I managed to keep myself from hitting him. I don't know how, but I did."

"Leandra-"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Well, you're going to." Alice murmured, and I looked to her, "I saw what he did."

"Don't bring that up." I replied, shaking my head a little, "I'm fine."

"What happened?" Jasper asked, concerned.

"Nothing." I stood. I could really do without this right then.

"He shoved her." Alice replied and Emmett stood up behind me, "Calm down. She wasn't hurt, but I'm worried about what that told her."

"What that told her?" Emmett demanded, "That Andrew really needs a good smack upside the head?"

"Emmett." Esme murmured, shaking her head.

"That little punk needs to learn that he can't treat her that way." He continued, "He needs to learn that is _not_ okay. And I'll be happy to teach him."

"And about not calling." Alice started, standing, "I told you not to hesitate."

"It didn't tell me anything I didn't already know." I spoke up, staring at the floor, "And I did hesitate. I'm getting too old for that."

"Leandra, you needed someone there." She stressed, "And because you didn't have anyone, look at the mess you are now." I looked down, shaking my head a little.

"I have to agree." Jasper murmured from his seat.

"So I'm a little tired.." I shrugged, sighing.

"You're exhausted, but that's beside the point." He said, and I looked up at him, "You're torn. Confused. Worn out."

"You're questioning things you should never have to." Alice finished for him, and I closed my eyes, "If you'd allowed someone to be there, you wouldn't be."

"I won't wind up like my mom." Was all I said.

"You're damn right you won't." Emmett nodded, "Not after I get my hands on him."

"It's always going to be that way." I shook my head, "So just.. Stop it, okay? It wasn't his fault, anyway."

"You're kidding." He snorted.

"No." I said, "He went to walk away, and I grabbed his arm. I should have known that never works, and I should have just let him go. But I wasn't _done_. I wanted to explain so badly, but he wouldn't let me get a word in. So.. When he went to walk away, I couldn't help myself." My voice was so quiet, I was actually surprised they heard me, "If I learned anything from my mom, it's to let him walk away, and just be thankful he didn't hit me. I wasn't thinking."

"Are you honestly blaming yourself?" Jasper looked to me, and I just sighed. Shaking my head as I stepped by, heading straight to my room. They weren't understanding. They were trying to give me an apology, and give me an explanation, when I really didn't need one. I knew what happened, and I knew I didn't deserve an apology. Definitely not from them. They'd done nothing wrong.

I paced a little in my room, wringing my hands a little, trying so hard to slow my thoughts enough to calm down. If that wasn't enough, Jasper decided then that it was best I feel. Returning my emotions to me, refusing to let me hide from them anymore.

"What is wrong with me?" I sobbed out loud, leaning back against the wall. How could I let something like this get the better of me? Where the hell was my strength? I'd faced a lot worse than what Andrew had given me, but maybe it was the fact that he was never supposed to hurt me that way that had torn me down. So easily.

A few words that couldn't be taken back was all it took. I slid down the wall until I was sitting, drawing my legs up, I sobbed into my shaking hands. The more I thought about it, the harder I cried, but I couldn't stop. I was forced to face how selfish I'd been. How selfish I was, how bitter and how very easily I took all I had for granted, and I couldn't not face it.

I couldn't describe the pain, the intense ache I felt now, and it was tearing me apart. What kind of person was I to begin with, if I caused him that much pain without even realizing it? Making stupid decisions, and hurting those I cared about? What kind of life was I living if I couldn't even see how much pain I constantly caused others with my actions? What kind of person would I turn out to be?

The harder I cried, the harder time I had breathing. I was getting so upset, my lungs felt like they didn't want to work right, and it was scaring me. I trembled from head to toe, even in my tight ball, and I couldn't stop.

Did I deserve to be this way? Did I deserve to suffer for all the pain I'd caused? For not choosing to see how much he'd done for me, and choosing to ignore it and always expect him to be there? I did. I deserved this pain, and I deserved everything he'd told me. Hurting Andrew had never been my intention, and it never would be. Despite the fact that he'd intended to hurt me. Despite the fact that he wanted me to feel like this.

I knew for a fact that I was no longer alone in my bedroom, but that didn't calm me any. My sobs had grown silent now. Unable to make a sound now if I wanted to.

This had hurt me more than I saw before, and not a thing in the world could help me now. I wasn't fearless anymore. I wasn't indestructable, and I could no longer consider myself a good person. I was someone who shouldn't be allowed to exist. Having it shown to me the way it had been was the worst way it could ever have happened, and I knew I deserved every second of pain I was in. That only made the whole situation worse.

I was having an unbelievably hard time facing this, and I was losing.

Quickly.

**A/N: Wow. That's all I can say about what I just wrote up there.  
Huge thanks to my reviewers! I wanna hug all of you!  
Now.. I'm probably going to take a nap. That took a lot out of me lol**  
**Chapter five should be along in the next couple of days.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Can I help her yet?" Jasper's quiet, irritated voice didn't make me look up, "You can't imagine how much this hurts." I wanted to plead with him to hurry up, to cover all I felt, because I couldn't handle it, but I couldn't form the words. I didn't know what point someone was trying to make, but asking him to remove his assistance was borderline cruel.

"Just wait." Alice's reply, "Carlisle is almost here."

"Well he better hurry it up or she's going to meet her limit. Soon." Jasper countered, "And let me be the first to say that as soon as I see that kid, he's mine."

"We might disagree there." Emmett commented by the door.

"No one is allowed to create that much pain in her." Jasper's determination only made me cry harder. If that was even possible, "Not without some kind of repercussion."

"Unless Carlisle is with him." Emmett grumbled, "Even then-"

"He's here." I listened to Alice turn, leaving the room, "Boys, out. This might get a little ugly."

"Are you kidding me?" Emmett demanded, hitting the wall on his way out the door, "He brought him here? Now?"

"Jasper." Carlisle's voice did make me look up about a minute later, "Stay close. Please."

Around the door frame, Andrew slowly stepped in. Despite being clearly uncomfortable, probably by the glare he'd gotten from not only Emmett, but most likely Rosalie on his way in here, he was still there. It had to have taken a lot for him to even come here, knowing how mean Rosalie could be. I didn't care about that, though. All I cared about was the fact that he was the one that had made me feel this way, and he was here.

"What is he doing here?" I cried, instantly standing, "Carlisle, are you out of your mind?" My voice broke with all that I felt, "Why would you bring him here?"

"Leandra.." Andrew started, trailing off at seeing me shaking my head.

"Just.. Don't." I plead, "I don't want to see you."

"Just five minutes." Andrew mumbled, and I looked up.

"You had your five minutes!" I shouted as loud as I could at him, taking a trembling, sobbing breath, "What? You weren't done? You remembered something else you didn't say?"

"I didn't mean it." He rushed out, "I swear, I didn't mean what I told you."

"I don't care!" I sobbed, "Dammit, Andrew! Just leave me alone! Please! You've done enough! You've made your point!"

He still hesitated, so I sobbed and strode forward, attempting to step passed him. He grabbed my arm, and I fought against him, shoving him back as he'd shoved me. He didn't fall, though. I hadn't shoved him as hard.

"Just.. Hit me." He said, "Hit me if it'll make you feel better. I'll take whatever you can give." I panted, his eyes no longer accusing, "Please. I'm sorry." All I could do was slowly shake my head. This was more pain than I could ever give him. Even if I tried, even if I wanted to try, I could never hurt him as bad as he hurt me. I wouldn't allow myself, and there was no physical pain like the pain I felt.

I turned, leaving the room. I walked away, and I felt him watching after me.

I did the only thing I could think of. I went to Emmett. I didn't want to see Andrew, and I knew Emmett was on my side. I would confront Carlisle later for deciding it was a good idea to bring him here, but for right then, I wouldn't look at him.

Just as I figured, Emmett was with me on this one. As was Jasper, as he stood from his place in the chair. Letting me pass to Emmett on the couch. Emmett moved me to his left side, against him and the armrest of the couch, shielding me. All seeing Andrew would do was cause more pain. I couldn't handle more pain. I couldn't even handle being in the same room as him. I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I sniffled roughly, taking deep breaths after my emotions had taken it again.

"Carlisle, don't put her through this." Emmett murmured beside me, and I knew I'd been followed, "Look at her."

"Emmett." Carlisle sighed, "Please. One more try."

"She doesn't _have_ one more try." Emmett stressed, "I can't."

"It's okay." Andrew's voice had me shaking my head again. No more. My sobs had quieted, but I was still just as upset as I was before. I just needed to breathe, and my head hurt too much to continue the way I was. I was sure Jasper was helping me again, for which I was indescribably grateful.

"She doesn't have to." Andrew said again, "It was worth a try, I guess."

"Are you _sure_?" Emmett asked, an underlying growl that would have been nearly imperceptible to Andrew, yet I heard clearly, "Are you _sure_ it was worth it to try? She wouldn't be this way if you'd kept your thoughts to yourself. I don't take kindly to someone hurting my sister."

"I-I know.." Andrew was obviously intimidated, even without hearing the growl, "I don't even remember half of what I said to her, but I know it wasn't anything nice. I don't know why I said it. Honest."

"She trusted you." Jasper spoke up as Emmett stood, taking the empty space between where I sat on the couch and where Andrew stood.

"And this is how you repay her? By treating her like trash?" Emmett finished for him.

"Emmett." Carlisle was correcting him now. Andrew didn't stand a chance. It was silent now, and I listened to Emmett's sigh. He moved, which I heard. Seeing that Andrew had come closer, I finally looked up.

"I'm sorry." He said again, "I really didn't mean it." Had I been paying attention, I would have realized just how brave Andrew had to be to keep trying. Even under the intense glares of my brothers. I didn't reply at first, but I knew I was being watched. Closely. I forced myself to stand, and I felt the unease. It only grew the closer I stepped to Andrew. He kept his eyes on me, tense, as if he were expecting me to hit him at any second. I stopped within arms reach of him, unable to hold his gaze for longer than a few seconds at a time. Without Jasper's help, this wouldn't have been possible. Even _with_ Jasper's help, it was hard.

"Listen to me." I mumbled shakily, "Because I'm only going to say this once." He was quiet, "Thank you." He looked up, surprised, "I'm being completely serious when I say that. Thank you. For telling me how horrible of a person I am." He went to interrupt, but I held my hand up, finally able to meet his eyes, "I didn't know before. It hurts to hear it from you, but thank you. I'm sorry I was so horrible to you, and I promise that I never meant to be. You were the last person I wanted to hurt."

"Leandra-"

"Listen." I interrupted him, "I never wanted to hurt you, and I'm sorry. I'm not going to hit you. I'm.. So far beyond that right now. Just do me a favor, if it's not too much to ask."

"Anything." He replied, and I heard how close he was to tears.

"Stay away from me." I murmured, "I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Just.. Leave me alone. Move on, and don't look back." I hesitated for a few seconds longer before walking away, "One more thing. That last thing you said yesterday. I already knew that. I know I should have stayed in Tacoma, so that wasn't news to me." Pushing passed Emmett and Carlisle, I headed straight back to my room.

"Leandra, wait." Andrew called behind me, "Please. If you would just-"

"You told her that?" Emmett was pissed again, "She had better be making that up, or you had better start running."

"Please." This time, I did turn. Just as I entered the hallway, I spun. Meeting his eyes across the room.

"You don't get to do that!" I shouted, "I don't _care_ what you have to say now!"

"I came here to apologize, not fight with you." He reasoned, taking a step toward me.

"Well, you came here for nothing, then." I told him, "I'm done." I went to turn and he spoke up again.

"It was stupid." He called, regaining my attention, "I can't tell you why I said what I said." Again, I heard his voice shake slightly in his emotion as it quieted, "Please. I.. Okay, so I was jealous. And you're right. That's my problem, not yours. I shouldn't have told you what I told you, and all I can say.. Was I was mad. Hurt, and of course, jealous. That wasn't your fault, and I know that. Leandra, I'm sorry. I really am. I.. Can't lose you."

Glancing to Jasper, I silently thanked him for helping me with my emotions again, as without his help, I wouldn't even be able to speak. What he gave me was a numbing sort of calm, and it helped. Immensely. It eased the pain I knew I should be feeling, and it helped me say what I needed to say to Andrew without crying again. He gave me a slight nod, acknowledging how I felt.

"Then I guess you should have thought about that before." I replied to Andrew, "You did more than just tell me off, Andrew. I won't bother explaining, because that's something you don't need to know."

"I know." He said quickly, "I know I hurt you, and I'm-"

"I know." I repeated, "You're sorry, and really, I am too. But you're right. I should have noticed how selfish I am, but I never did. That's on me, but just know this. You threw me away the moment you pushed me down and walked away. Losing me was your choice, not mine. I suggest you get used to it." With that, I turned once more. He didn't try to call me back again.

I closed the door behind me and locked it this time. I was done for the day. I didn't want to see anyone. I just needed a little time to myself. It took an hour, at most, of Jasper gently easing my emotions after Andrew was taken home before I was calm enough to approach. A bit longer to get me to unlock the door.

Carlisle was the one to come in, following me away from the door. Avoiding the spot on the bed I knew to avoid, I sat back down. Curling my legs under me, I sighed. Resting my elbows on my knees.

"He's back home now." Carlisle informed me, and I sighed in relief this time, nodding. He was quiet for a moment before speaking again, "Leandra, everyone is so concerned about you." I looked down, unable to really explain, "Including me. I understand that I haven't been as involved in your life as I was in the beginning."

"I still need you." I immediately said. Not being sure where he was going with that, I couldn't help it. Immediately on edge.

"I know." He murmured, and I could clearly see the concern that statement caused him, "I know, Leandra. It's okay." I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, "What I was going to tell you, was I understand that I haven't been as involved as before, but I'm going to try to be more involved. I've been told how much you're struggling." I bit my lip, "And I want to help. If it's possible. Is that alright?" I nodded, smiling a little, "Okay. Then on that note, I'd like to talk to you about the last couple of days. More specifically, the breakdown you had earlier." I studied my hands in front of me, "That worries me, Leandra. It worries all of us. Can you tell me about that?"

I didn't really want to talk about that. I was half afraid that if I did, I would want to start crying again. Jasper's help or not, I was very worried. So I chose another topic instead.

"I get why you would bring him here." I mumbled, smoothing my comforter under my hands, "But I really didn't want to see him. He might not remember what all he told me, but I do. Every single word."

"Leandra, I know how you must be feeling." He started, "I know how much this hurts, but I promise you. He never meant to say those things to you."

"Yes he did." I replied, "Carlisle, that wasn't just some.. Quick thrown insult, okay? That was a speech. A very well prepared one, so what he told me has been on his mind awhile, and I never even saw it. I never had any idea he felt that way. How could I not have seen it?"

"Don't do this to yourself." He told me gently, "Leandra, don't let him upset you this much."

"I can't help it. I wish I could tell you that some part of that wasn't true, but every single word he said was true. I just didn't see it before. I never saw it." I sighed, shaking my head, "If it weren't for Jasper, I'd be a mess right now. I can't thank him enough. Thank you!" I called toward the door.

"You're very welcome, Leandra." I heard him reply.

"That's not even the most that's bothering me." I continued, looking back to Carlisle, "Carlisle, I didn't do anything."

"I know you didn't, and I'm proud of you for that."

"No." I said, "I didn't do anything. I just.. Let him talk to me like that." He waited for me to continue, "I.. I was in my mom's position. I could never imagine what that must be like to let someone tell her such horrible things.. Not just tell her, but shout these things so loudly, and angrily, blaming her for everything she'd ever done wrong, all without standing up for herself or ignoring it, but.. I didn't. I tried, but I couldn't. I just let him keep talking, and I let him keep shouting at me."

I paused, taking a breath, "Carlisle, what I can't figure out is why. I tried to walk away, but he pulled me back, and I didn't try again. Why wouldn't I keep trying? Why wouldn't I stand up for myself? I'm so.. Afraid of ending up like her. One day, will I be in the position she was? All these stupid decisions.. They're not going away. I'm not learning from them."

He was quiet for a moment. Probably waiting to see if I wanted to keep talking. When I only looked down, he finally spoke.

"Leandra, you never have to worry about that." He assured me, "We'd never let you get far enough in a relationship like that to end up that way."

"I want to believe that I'd know for myself when enough is enough, but yesterday.." I mumbled, trailing off and sniffling, "I really don't know how to tell the difference. The only way I see it, is I'm much better off just.. Avoiding them all together."

"Your friends?" He asked, concerned.

"No." I said, "Every one of them. Humans altogether."

"Leandra." He sighed, shaking his head, "We've talked about this-"

"Yes, I know." I whined, "I'm too young and all that, but it's the only way I can be sure I'll be safe. I'm not talking about turning me. Not yet, but I don't belong there. The more I'm around them, the more I see it. The differences between them and me, and it's too big to ignore anymore."

"One fight can't be enough to make you make that decision-"

"It's more than that." I bit my lip, realizing I wasn't letting him speak. I instantly looked down, "Sorry."

"It's alright, Leandra." He replied, "It's okay."

"Carlisle." Jasper came in, "A word?"

"Please." I spoke before Carlisle could stand, "Don't talk behind my back. If this is about me, I'd like to hear it." Jasper hesitated, looking to Carlisle.

"It's alright, Jasper." Sighing, he slowly stepped into the room. Closing the door behind him.

"As you know." He began, looking to Carlisle once he was beside the bed, "It isn't just countering her emotions I specialize in. I can feel everything she feels, before she feels it."

"Of course." Carlisle nodded, letting him know to continue.

"To be honest, I'm concerned." Jasper continued, "As I stated when I first met her, I'm very concerned about the amount of anxiety she's constantly feeling." Carlisle nodded again, letting him know he remembered, "Well, it's grown. Someone her age cannot keep that kind of stress for very long without it becoming too much, and I'm not always by her side to help control it, and sometimes, it doesn't always work when I am."

"What are you suggesting?" Carlisle asked patiently.

"I truly hate to suggest it, but.." Jasper sighed, glancing to me briefly, "I was thinking something more appropriate for controlling human emotions."

"Medication?" Carlisle asked, surprised.

"What?" I demanded.

"I'm just concerned for her welfare. She's not coping the way I hoped she would, as I'm afraid to let her handle it all without my assistance. I've tried, Carlisle, I have. She needs more than just help from me. As I said before, it's grown. It's becoming harder for me to ease it. There is only so much I can do for her."

"I'm not taking a damn thing." I growled, standing. Jasper sighed and gestured to me, looking to Carlisle pointedly.

"Leandra, please sit back down." Carlisle murmured, and I only crossed my arms over my chest.

"I don't need medication." I stressed, glaring up at Jasper.

"All I'm concerned about is your health." Jasper stressed right back at me, "You may not feel anxious, but your body reacts to it."

"I'm not anxious." I shook my head, "I'm scared."

"Jasper is right." Carlisle sighed, "I've noticed this as well. Your heart pounds faster than normal, your thoughts race. You're always expecting something to happen, and I can't just sit back and watch you stress yourself to death anymore. You don't sleep, you hardly eat. Something's got to give."

"You're _for_ this?" I asked Carlisle, shocked.

"Leandra, I saw you earlier." Jasper pointed out, "Before Carlisle showed up. I felt what you felt, and believe it or not, I was helping you. That was too much for you to handle on your own, and quite frankly, that scared the hell out of me." I looked down, "There will be more breakdowns like that the longer you're allowed to live with this kind of anxiety."

"I'll consider it." Carlisle nodded, and I looked back to him.

"Please tell me you're joking." I plead, "I won't take it. No way."

"Leandra-"

"No." I turned back to Jasper, "Don't you remember what I was like the last time I had to take medication?"

"It'll be nothing like that." Carlisle told me firmly, and his assurance helped, "I promise you. All he's talking about is just a little something to slow you down."

I was quiet for a second, remembering the fight with Andrew. Something had to give, and that something had to be me. All I did was take, and take. Never giving.

"I won't be a vegetable?" I asked quietly, and both of them shook their heads.

"No." Carlisle replied, "Not in the least. We'd never suggest anything that would harm you. You know that." He was right. He did have a point. Slowly, I sat back down.

"What would it do?" I asked, "Specifically?"

"In a nutshell, it would keep you from worrying so much." Carlisle explained, "Specifically, it helps calm you down. Keeps your thoughts from racing, and eases your emotions to a more managable level. You would be less defensive all the time, and-"

"It'll help me take a breath?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Exactly." He replied, "To be safe, I'd start you at the lowest dose, and we'll work from there." I took a deep breath, knowing he was right.

"Can I think about it?" I asked.

"Absolutely." Carlisle nodded, "Take your time." I nodded this time, sighing.

"I'm only recommending it." Jasper told me, and I nodded again.

"I know." I murmured, "It.. _Would_ be nice to not panic all the time. To not worry for no reason. Hey." I looked up, "That could be what happened the other night. With my dad."

"It could be." Jasper allowed, "I never thought of that."

"And.. Yesterday." I shrugged a little.

"Wait." Jasper muttered, looking to Carlisle, "You had that feeling again?"

I nodded a little, "Before we got back to Josh's house."

"Was it the same as the other night?" He asked, and I took a deep breath.

"The very same."

He sighed heavily, turning.

"Why?" I asked, "Is that a problem?" He looked to Carlisle, as did I, watching as he nodded a little.

"Alice believes that.." He paused, seeming unsure how to word what he needed to say, "She believes that you're in the very beginning stages of developing a gift." I frowned, shaking my head.

"What? Like.. A _gift_?"

"A gift like hers." He clarified, "Foresight." I shook my head again, laughing humorlessly.

"That's not possible." I said, "Not while I'm human. Right?" I looked to Carlisle.

"Alice developed hers while she was still human." Jasper explained, "And for it, she wound up in a not so supportive place." I still doubted, so he continued, "Look at it this way. You've always been pretty good at knowing when someone can't be trusted. Knowing when someone was up to no good. It's always been a part of you, but now, it's growing. It now involves you knowing when something is going to happen that will effect you."

I laughed humorlessly once more, "No. I don't see things like she does."

"Like I said. Very beginning stages." Jasper replied, "For now, it's just a feeling. Think about it. The first time, you got that feeling the very moment Alice decided to take you to Port Angeles. And the result of that was you being sent away." I looked down, "The other night, with your father. You got that feeling the moment Alice had a vision about them never making it home that night, and it only eased the second he agreed to wait." He was right, "Then yesterday.." He trailed off, prompting me.

"When Josh and I were on our way back to his house." I mumbled, trying to make sense of it, "Where I had that fight with Andrew."

"Exactly." Jasper smiled a little, "There is only one problem I can see. If we start her on medication, will her gift have a chance to develop? Considering it's using her anxiety as a way to warn her?"

"Either way," Carlisle stood, "It's entirely up to her."

"This is crazy." I shook my head once more, standing as well, "There's nothing special about me."

"That's where you're wrong." Jasper replied, "Alice firmly believes it, and I agree with her."

"So do I." Carlisle nodded beside me, and I looked to him. I looked down, thinking hard. This was just too crazy to consider. Yet..

"The dream." I murmured, looking to Carlisle, "Remember the dream I had on my tenth birthday? I knew then that I'd see Jack again, but.. What happened the last night he was alive, what happened here, was exactly the same as what I saw in my dream. I was alone, and he was here, doing exactly what he was doing."

"Are you positive?" Carlisle asked, and I nodded.

"Slight differences, but that was it." I murmured, "I never mentioned it, because I didn't think it was important." It was quiet for a minute as Jasper and Carlisle looked to each other.

It was just now occuring to me what they were trying to tell me. It was just too hard to believe that I was anything but ordinary.

"It definitely makes sense that it would be spotty in the beginning. Only now and then giving her a warning." Jasper nodded.

"Can you just do me one favor?" I asked, looking up at Jasper as he looked down to me, "Don't tell Alice yet. Please. I can't handle any more craziness today." He smirked. He and I both knew if it was confirmed to her, she would go absolutely nuts.

"Of course." He agreed, giving me a little nod, "I would like to give it a little bit more time before we're completely positive about this, but I think it's safe to count on it. Your normal days are over, Leandra."

"As if I wasn't weird enough." I laughed once, shaking my head.

"Not weird." Jasper corrected, "Special. Leandra, the gift you're developing is such a rare one, it's almost impossible for me to believe myself, but the evidence doesn't lie. I won't tell Alice tonight. I'll give you some time to come to terms with it yourself."

"Thank you."

"Just be prepared." He said, "She's going to want to work with you."

"Probably." I nodded, understanding.

"And don't worry." Jasper gave me another nod, "I'll continue helping you with your emotions."

"Oh man." I sighed, "Thank you."

"I think you deserve to have the night off." He commented, "It's the very least I can do. So just.. Take it easy tonight. Leave your emotions to me, and get some rest, okay?"

I smiled a little, nodding.

"I have to admit. I like this side of you better." I mumbled and he smirked, "It's less intimidating."

"Don't think you're getting let off the hook." He said, "I've still got plenty to teach you." My smile faded, and I looked down.

"I probably won't be needing to learn anything else." I admitted quietly, "Chances are, I wouldn't use it anyway. I'm a doormat now, apparently."

"Pardon me?" Jasper asked, though I knew he heard me clearly, "I'm sorry. I _must_ have heard you incorrectly."

"Please." I sighed, "Save it."

"No. I most certainly will not 'save it'." He said, "Really? A doormat?"

"I didn't do anything." I reasoned quietly, "I did exactly what my mom would do in that situation. I backed down."

"Leandra, there is a reason you didn't hit him." He stressed, "And no, it's not because you're getting soft. You were the bigger person in that argument. You cared too much about him to hurt him. Haven't you ever heard the expression, 'two wrongs don't make a right'?"

"Two months ago, it wouldn't have mattered who he was." I argued, shaking my head.

"You're growing up." He responded, "That means more than physically, Leandra. You're learning self control. Self control does not make you a doormat."

I shook my head again.

"It's not that." I said, "It's not that I controlled myself, Jasper. I don't know how to explain it, but I know. It wasn't that. It was like.. I wanted to hit him, but I didn't think I would win, so I didn't even try. I didn't bother trying, because I guess I was afraid of what he'd do." He didn't respond right away. He sighed, looking to Carlisle, crossing his arms over his chest. After several seconds, he finally said something.

"Don't bring him back here while I'm home." Was all he said before he turned. Leaving the room. He paused outside the door, looking back in at me, "I still mean what I said. Get some _rest_, Leandra." And he was gone.

I sighed, sitting back down.

"This is all so confusing." I murmured to Carlisle still standing there, "I'm calm, thanks to Jasper, but my thoughts are still going a hundred miles an hour, and I can't slow them down. I'm always thinking. They just go and go and go, and it never stop."

"That would be the anxiety." Carlisle responded quietly, sitting down beside me, "It's not supposed to be that way."

"It's just odd to me that I can be anxious without feeling anxious." I paused, studying my hands, "Has Jasper really been worried since he first met me? Since that day in the hospital?"

"He has." Carlisle admitted, nodding a little, "We discussed it, and we thought it would get better with time, but so far, it hasn't."

I sighed heavily, leaning back against the pillows and the headboard, resting my head to the side, "Maybe I was just born to be edgy. I think you picked a dud." I smiled a little as I said that, meeting his eyes. It never ceased to amaze me what Jasper was capable of.

"Definitely not." Carlisle replied, chuckling a little, "I couldn't have chosen anybody better." I laughed, shaking my head.

"I chose you, remember?" I asked, "You were stuck with me the second you met me."

"I wouldn't say I was stuck with you." He countered.

"Geez.." I sighed, looking up at the ceiling, "That seems like so long ago, and I still remember it like it was yesterday." I laughed a little, "I was so afraid of you at first."

"I remember." He nodded slowly.

"I couldn't figure out how suddenly, I was being noticed. I was only afraid of you because I knew you were a dad. I recognized your last name." I smiled slightly, looking to him again, "How silly is that?"

"Not at all." He responded, "You didn't know any better."

"I thought they were all the same." I admitted, yawning, "If I had known back then that I'd be here in a year and a half, I wouldn't have been so scared. It was not knowing that scared me the most. At first, all I saw you as was someone trying to get me killed. Then you kept trying. Something nobody else had done, so I knew you had to be different. You weren't like everybody else. But.." I sighed, sitting up, "You want to know something funny?"

"What?" He asked interestedly, and I smiled a little.

"This is going to sound.. A little strange." I paused, but kept his attention, so I sighed, "Okay. Well.. I swear on my life that this is the truth. All my life, as far back as I can remember, I've always known I was different. I never thought too much about it. Not back then. It never bothered me before. Too young to really care about being different. I just thought that's how it was." I shook my head with a small shrug. He continued to listen, so I moved on.

"Most kids in kindergarten and first grade.. Their favorite colors are usually blue, or pink. Purple. Green. Something like that." He smiled, and I shook my head a little, "I never cared for those. Since I first started learning about colors, when I was really little, my favorite has always been dark yellow, mostly gold." He seemed surprised, "I was always fond of that color, and I never knew why. I just remember.. First grade, I think it was. Nothing but the yellow crayons in front of me, but they were never the right color until I found it. It was a close enough sort of deal until then. It always made me wonder a little bit, but I think I've finally figured it out. I never put two and two together before, but that color, the color of her eyes was the first thing I noticed about Alice that day, because I'd spent my life looking for it, without even knowing. The very first thing. As weird as it is to say, it was that color that made me want to try with her. To actually talk to her, instead of ignore her like I always did with everyone else."

I sighed, biting back a yawn, "I'd never found a shade of gold so prominent before. All the others just seemed.. Not quite what I was looking for, but I recognized it as soon as I saw it. As scared as I was back then, there was always some sort of relief there. Almost like I knew. I never realized it until now, I guess, but it was definitely there. So I guess you could say I've always known."

I was quiet for a moment, laughing a little and looking down at my hands.

"I know how crazy that sounds. In my defense, I did give fair warning."

"It surprises me, but I don't think it's crazy." He replied, shaking his head a little with a smile.

"Do you think it's possible?" I asked, "That some.. Forgotten little kid could possibly have known that seeing that shade of gold would one day make a massive difference in her life? Could it be possible that even though she'd never seen anything like it before, never making the connection before in her life, she would recognize the color of safety when she saw it? Just like that?" I could see immediately that I'd given him a lot to think about.

"I do." He nodded eventually, and I smiled a little.

"I've never, not once, felt like I belonged anywhere. I've always been lost. Two steps behind everyone else. For as long as I can remember, I've felt this way. Different. Like I wasn't born human. That's even weird to admit, I know, but.." I leaned back again, stretching my legs out beside him, "It's true. Not once had I ever felt more like I belonged until the very second you took my hand that day." I gave him a small smile, which he returned gently, "So.. I don't believe it was an accident that I met you that day. I'd known my entire life that you were coming. I just didn't know it." He honestly seemed speechless.

"You were what kept me living, I think." I murmured, "Back then, when I had absolutely no reason to hope, somehow, I did. When most kids would have already given up, I didn't. Something made me keep going. Keep trying, even though I really didn't want to." Again, he was silent. Studying me with an expression bordering on amazement and curiosity.

I laughed, "I told you. My mind doesn't stop. It gets worse when I'm tired. I'm always wondering, questioning things most kids my age don't. But then again, I've never been quite normal." I paused, "I really hope you don't think I'm crazy."

"Not in the least." He replied, "Not at all. I'm actually quite intrigued."

"Good." I smiled a little, yawning again.

"On the couch again tonight?" He asked quietly. I sighed, looking around.

"No." I mused, "I'm going to try sleeping in here again. As scary as that was.." I adjusted the pillows behind me, "I think I can attempt to view it as just something else I lived through. I haven't tried looking at it that way yet. It's always been just a stupid mistake that almost got me killed, but I think my perspective of it has changed. If only a little bit. And besides. I'm pretty tired."

Despite that, I still woke several times. Each time even more frustrated that I couldn't get passed it. The dreams were always the same, the same one about Jack, but when I woke, I'd be thinking about Andrew.

I still felt as small and defenseless as I did in the dream when I woke for the final time in the morning. I couldn't find my own courage anywhere, and it really bothered me.

"I tried." I sighed, sitting on the couch, "I can't do it. I tried to sleep in there, and I just can't do it." I only noticed then. It was just Carlisle and I in the living room, "Where is everyone?"

"Alice and Jasper are upstairs." Carlisle answered, "Emmett, Rose, and Esme went for a hunt. It seems you're giving Jasper quite the workout."

"Sorry." I sighed, leaning back a little, "I don't mean to. Even while I sleep?"

"Especially while you sleep." He nodded, "He's never attempted to block all negative emotions from you before." I frowned a little in confusion, "Normally, he only helps ease them for you."

"That's why I haven't cried yet." I nodded in understanding, and I sighed, "I feel bad."

"Don't." I looked to the stairs at Alice's reply, "It'll only make it harder." I looked down, "But now, I want some answers."

I knew then that she knew.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She asked, sitting beside me.

"Mostly because I still don't believe it myself." I replied, laying to the side, "The more I think about it, the more impossible it seems. Jasper told you, huh?"

"No. I heard you last night." She smiled knowingly, "I always knew there was something about you. Why do you think I picked you? I'm hardly ever wrong, you know."

"I know." I couldn't help smiling, once more remembering that day, "Out of the four of us, you picked me. I just thought it was because you felt sorry for me."

"Not entirely." She replied, "Although, that's not to say I didn't. I saw that bruise."

"I thought you did." I rolled over a little, "I didn't know what to think. That was.. A really crazy day."

"It was bound to be." Alice smiled, "That was the day your entire life changed."

"So much has changed since then." I sighed, deep in thought, "I think I'm starting to see what Rosalie was talking about."

"About time." I sat up a little, and looked back toward the door at Rose's return, followed by Emmett and Esme.

"So." Alice continued, "As Jasper already told you, I'm going to want to work with you."

"We don't even know if it's for sure yet." I frowned, "Can't we wait?"

"It's for sure." She nodded, "Like I said. I always knew there was something about you."

"I don't see the point in doing anything yet." I said, "I still don't believe it."

"It'll make it less confusing the more your gift grows." She explained, "Trust me. It can get pretty overwhelming."

"It already is." I laid back down, closing my eyes.

"And in my opinion," She said, her smile fading, "I think we should hold off on the medication."

"So do I." Rose commented.

"Me too." Emmett nodded behind Rose, "I don't like the idea. Even if it is different than what they were feeding you in Tacoma, I don't like it."

I looked to Carlisle, and the look he gave me told me that it was still up to me.

"I haven't even had a chance to consider it yet." I frowned, shaking my head, "One thing at a time. Come on."

"I say it should be considered." Jasper descended the stairs, "You guys don't feel everything she feels."

"That's true." Esme pointed out, "I don't see anything wrong with it. It's only meant to help her."

"Carlisle?" Emmett prompted.

"I think it would help her a great deal." He said quietly, "If we're careful, I think it'll do nothing but good. I would never risk her that way."

"Three for, three against." Esme murmured, "Either way, it's her decision."

"It'll only put off developing her gift. She needs to be able to feel anxious for that to happen." Alice grumbled, "I don't like it, either."

"Do I have to choose right now?" I asked, sitting up, "Can't I have a little time?"

"I can sway you." Jasper pointed out, "You're only hesitating because you don't feel your emotions." I winced, knowing what he was getting at.

"That's not fair." Rose said firmly, looking to Jasper, "Don't rush her."

"This hurts." He countered, "I don't know how long I can keep it covered. Honestly."

"Well." I mumbled, standing, "As if I needed more on my mind."

"Just go with the decision you feel is best for you, honey." Esme offered, "We're only trying to help you."

"I know." I nodded a little, "I'm just torn, I guess."

"How you're feeling right now, is how you'll feel all the time with the help of the medication Carlisle is suggesting." Jasper pointed out, "If you want it to last, then the only solution is to go ahead and start it. I won't always be here to cover these emotions, Leandra. Hunting trips, and other obligations will eventually take me away from your side. So to speak."

"Haven't they eased a little?" I asked hesitantly.

"Not in the least." He replied, "Because I'm hiding them for you, you can't work through them, and it takes working through them on your own for them to ease." I sighed, sitting back down. I was going to leave the room, but I really didn't want to be alone.

"I'll consider it." I finally said, "I still need more time."

**A/N: Oh man I hate filler. I have no chapter space to spare for filler. *headdesk*  
Chapter five out there. I am determined to get the dang story rolling now. Enough about the main character, dang it. All of this didn't seem like five chapters worth in my head.  
Oh well. To be honest, I'm in no rush lol ****My reviewers are the best reviewers on the face of the planet.** **THANK YOUUUU!  
Hope you all enjoyed this one, and you can look forward to chapter six within the next couple of days. If there will be a delay, I'll let you all know via the Facebook page. ****I'm pretty good at updating that thing. Sort of. I'm at least there long enough to have conversations about spiders. Feel free to add me there. (:  
Until next chapter, my lovelies. (:**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"The second one." I sighed, "It's the lesser of three evils."

Alice smiled, "We're getting somewhere."

Laying the other two dresses on the bed, she held up my choice. This dress was a deep purple color, almost violet, just a little lighter. It had shiny, lighter purple beads embroidered along the top, and trailing down the front, ending in random places just passed the waist. A satin band the same color as the beads came around the middle and was tied with a bow in the back. The thin shoulder straps looked like they'd be uncomfortable, but again, it really was the lesser of three evils. I liked the color, at least.

The wedding was three days away, and I finally had to choose what I wanted to wear. My dress was darker than the other dresses, but I didn't mind it. Quite a few shades darker than Alice's.

"Okay." She said, "Try it on. I need to see if it fits right."

I did so without a fuss, pleased at the way it hung down passed my knees. I didn't give much of a fuss about anything lately. I didn't have the energy to. She circled me, nodding to herself.

"Good choice." She finally commented, smiling, "Hardly anything needs to be fixed. Maybe just shorten these a little." She adjusted the shoulder straps, "And you'll be set."

It had been three and a half weeks since the fight with Andrew, and I'd been avoiding all questions regarding my supposed 'gift' and the medication. I hadn't made a decision one way or the other, but I knew it was still there.

I still refused to see Andrew. I was also taking a small break from Josh and Zack. Afraid of what would eventually happen. I knew Josh was worried about me, but I also knew he'd get over that. More than likely, I'd see him and Zack at the wedding, as they'd been invited. Zack I could do without seeing, as I knew he and Andrew were closer friends than Josh and Andrew. Even if Zack had never really done anything wrong. I hated being the type to consider someone guilty by association, but I really couldn't take any risks.

My sleep hadn't gotten any better. I was just getting used to it. I was getting used to surviving on, at most, four hours of sleep a night. Nonconsecutive, of course. If it were consecutive, I wouldn't have a problem. It was maybe an hour here, thirty mintues there. Constantly waking up. I was adjusting to the headaches, and the tired eyes. Learning to live with it. I was learning to live with it, but my concentration was constantly challenged. I was always spacing out, going through moments when my mind just refused to work right. Some days were worse than others, and was directly related to how much sleep I'd gotten the night before. Naturally. Four hours, versus one.

"Leandra?" Alice called my attention again, "Did you hear me?"

"No." I laughed a little, "Sorry."

"I said you can change out of the dress now." She repeated, and I nodded, acknowledging her this time.

"An hour and a half of sleep." She sighed, shaking her head, "And Esme even had to remind you to keep eating at dinner last night. I'm worried about you." I forced a smile.

"Don't be." I mumbled, "I'll live."

"I've changed my mind." She informed me, watching me get dressed, "I think you should start the medication. At least for a little while. I'm not saying spend your life on it." I shook my head.

"I still haven't decided." I replied, sighing.

"I think you should make that the one thing you think hard about." She told me, "Have you seen yourself lately? You're blending in around here."

"I'm just worried." I admitted, something I hadn't admitted before, "I don't like the idea of having to rely on something else just to function."

"You already are." Alice reminded me, "You're relying on Jasper. And I've done my own research on the medication he's suggesting. Trying to become okay with it. It's really not that bad. Carlisle will make sure you're okay. He won't pressure you, but I think I'm going to. Leandra, what you're doing now isn't working anymore. Just.. Consider it. Nobody is forcing you, but.. I worry."

"Don't." I repeated, "I'll be okay." To be honest, I did miss the nights when I could sleep. Before, I'd still have nightmares, but there were points between the nightmares that I didn't dream, and unless the nightmares were really bad, I'd stay asleep. That was just fine. Now, I was to the point where as soon as I started dreaming, I'd wake myself up. Afraid of what I knew I was about to see.

"Leandra." She sighed, sitting beside me, "You have your whole life ahead of you to develop this gift. What I'm saying is there's no need to rush it. In my opinion, you need this. With everything you've seen and been forced to endure in your life, it really doesn't surprise me. I'm worried that if we don't get this problem under control, you'll be facing worse things later on in life." I didn't know what to say to that, so I only sighed, looking down at my hands, "The point is, that Carlisle is right. You need just a little bit of help. Help we can't provide. Covering your emotions is just a temporary fix for one of the smaller issues."

She could see that she was swaying me, so she continued.

"We're not talking about keeping you on this long term." She explained, "It's just something to try. A few weeks."

"A few weeks?" I finally asked, looking over at her, "That's it?"

"A month or two." She clarified, "Tops."

"And nobody will think any less of me?"

"Of course not." She murmured, surprised, "Is that what you're worried about?"

"Among other things." I allowed, looking down.

"Leandra, you're human." She said, "And young. And have seen some things that nobody should ever see. All we're ever after is your happiness. Your happiness and your safety mean everything to us."

I sighed, laying back on my bed.

"I just want to be okay." I admitted, "I'm not looking for anything more. I just want to be okay."

"And this will help you."

Leaving my room, I was directly in search of Carlisle. This conversation with Alice had made up my mind. I'd made my decision regarding the medication. I wanted him to be the one I told first, as he was the one that needed to know. Everyone else would find out in their own time, but he had to know first. Heading up the stairs, I found him where I always found him when he wasn't in the living room. In his office. I knocked quietly on the door.

"Come on in, Leandra." He called, and I pushed open the door, stepping inside. I smiled a little at him as he looked up. I walked around the desk, standing beside him. I leaned on him, my arm resting on his shoulder.

"I've decided." I murmured, and he looked to me, "I made up my mind. About the medication."

"And?" He prompted, and I looked down briefly.

"I won't do it." I said, looking to him again.

"Can I ask why?" He asked after a moment. I understood his confusion and his surprise.

"It's too easy." I replied, "It feels too much like I'm giving up, and that's something I can't let myself get used to. If I can't get it right without it, what's the point in trying for anything?" He smiled, shaking his head a little, "I know it sounds weird, but I want to keep the struggle. It's how I know I'm still alive."

"Okay." He said, "Then I won't pressure you." I had a feeling he'd understand. I smiled a little, nodding.

"Thank you." I sighed, trying to hide a yawn.

"I'm not sure what else there is to try, to be honest." He told me, "I want so much to help you."

"I know." I said, "I'm just as lost as you. It's like the more I try to sleep, the less I get. If I just let myself fall asleep when I fall asleep, I get more." He looked down in thought, "But even then it's never very much or for very long."

"And you're sure you don't want to try it?" He asked, and I nodded.

"I'm sure." I murmured, "I haven't given up yet. Why start now?" He gave me a soft smile and stood. I backed up a little, allowing him to his feet. I decided then to change the subject, "I finally had to pick the stupid dress I have to wear for the wedding. Alice cornered me." He laughed, but didn't comment as he placed his arm around my shoulders and walked us out of the office, "I'm never getting married." That gained his attention.

"You're still set against it, are you?" He asked, and I nodded.

"Strongly." I added, "Never. All it is is asking for trouble."

"I can only hope that one day you'll change your mind." He said, "I can see that trying to change your mind now isn't going to work."

I shook my head as he led me into the kitchen.

"I doubt it." I replied, "I can see that marriage works for only a lucky few."

"Your view of it is very wrong." He said as I sat down at the kitchen table, "The example your mother set isn't a very good one, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, well.." I mumbled, shrugging a little, "I've seen what being in a relationship can do to someone. If I can, I would love to avoid being beaten half to death. I'm just weird that way."

"You won't be." He told me, "You don't have to worry."

I was quiet, looking down at my hands. I remembered what all I was stuck on several months ago. That was one more thing I couldn't force myself to dwell on, so I decided this time to ask. To voice my inability to comprehend the way things happened.

"I just don't understand." I finally murmured, looking over at him, "No matter what way I look at it, I can't figure out why he would hit her like that. Jealous or not, I always thought that if someone loved someone else, you would want to avoid hurting them." I looked back down at my hands, "Not want to do all you could to hurt them."

"That's not the way it's meant to be, Leandra."

"You keep saying that, but.." I paused, trying to find the right words, "Carlisle, what I saw between them didn't seem like it wasn't supposed to happen. He made it seem like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like she honestly deserved everything he did, and there were a few times when I really couldn't tell. That's what I'm stuck on. You say it's not supposed to be that way, but what I saw says otherwise."

"Have you seen any other examples of that, Leandra?" He asked, and I thought, "Besides with her."

"Not around here," I said, "But I could have just been sleeping or something."

"You think that happens around here?" He asked, surprised.

"I don't know." I muttered, defensive now, "I miss so much when I'm sleeping."

"Leandra, I promise you." He said, and I looked up, "Nothing of the sort ever has, or ever will happen between any of us. Where did you ever get that idea?" I just shrugged. I really didn't want to say, but he at least seemed sincere enough.

Even if Carlisle and I weren't as close as we were before they left the year before, I could still easily tell when he meant what he said. Mostly because I knew that he'd never lie to me. Not about something like this, and definitely not when he could help doing so.

"If I had been there, I could have warned her sooner." I finally admitted, "If I hadn't run away to save my own skin, it would have turned out differently. I know that for sure. If I had just gotten back up, and gone out there when he was done with me, I could have done something."

"Leandra, I saw how much pain you were in." He replied, "It hurt you to breathe. She understood that. She knew you couldn't take anymore, so she did what she could to take his attention. She had her reasons, Leandra." He paused, "And I want you to know that no matter what, you won't ever have to see that again. You will never be in a situation like that again. Your own, or someone else's, you'll never see that again." I was suddenly regretting choosing this subject, so I chose to change it to something a bit more tolerable.

"Right." I said, "I can't even have friends without them turning on me. I'm not lucky enough."

"Friends fight." He pointed out, "It happens all the time." He had a point. Though it was comparable to what happened between my mom and her boyfriend, it was nowhere near as bad. I knew that, but I couldn't help wondering what it would be like when I was older.

"This was different." I grumbled, tracing the edge of the table with my finger.

"I'm confident that you'll forgive him." He said, "It just might take some time."

"If I ever do, it'll be the stupidest thing I can ever do."

"I don't believe that." He chuckled, and I couldn't help but laugh a little along with him.

"Okay, so maybe not the stupidest thing I could _ever _do, but it'd still be pretty stupid." I sighed, "I'd just be setting myself right back up to being hurt again."

"Sometimes it's better that way." I frowned, looking up at him, "It isn't rare for arguments like this to make friendships stronger." Looking down, I considered that. Trying to find where he would possibly be right.

"How?" I asked, "I can't see how that would work."

"Now you know where he stands." He explained, "Before, you didn't. If you were to ever give him another chance, he wouldn't waste it. I know that for sure."

"What makes you so sure he deserves a second chance?" I asked, "Why should I give him another try?"

"Because you know what it's like to make mistakes like this." He said, "Forgiveness isn't something that comes easy to you, but I can see that you're learning."

"I still don't think I should." I murmured, my eyes on the table, "You didn't hear the things he said to me."

"I agree," Carlisle sighed, sitting beside me, "He should have tried a bit harder to get himself under control, but that doesn't make him a bad person. Do you remember what it was like to lose your temper? Saying things you really didn't mean, because you felt it needed to be said?" I hadn't even thought of that. I looked up at him, surprised, "This is exactly the same. A few minutes he wasn't himself. For a second, just try to see it from his point of view. How would you feel if your father had never forgiven you? Or if we hadn't?" I looked down, just the thought of that hurting me, "Imagine how he must be feeling."

"This is different." I mumbled.

"How?"

"I didn't make anybody cry." I said, shaking my head.

"Possibly not, but I can tell you that some of the things you shouted were just as hurtful." He informed me, "Especially at Jasper. We may not show it, but that's for your benefit. Not ours. Do you see now how words can be just as hurtful?"

"I've always known that." I mumbled, "But I can see your point."

"Leandra, my point is, he never meant to lose it like that." He continued, "Everyone deserves a real second chance. Especially when you mean as much as you do to him, and I know how much he means to you. Sometimes, all it takes is a little bit of effort from you to really see the steps you need to take to begin forgiving him. It won't happen over night, and that's okay. It's okay to take your time, but I want you to give it one last fighting chance."

I sighed, listening to him continue, "Letting go of a friendship that strong will always leave some form of regret in your heart, and I don't want to see you go through that. That's why I pushed so hard that day, and I'm sorry, but I wanted so badly for you to give in one last chance."

"I'm so afraid of that happening again." I reasoned, looking over at him, "What do I do if it does?"

"It won't." He replied, "Trust me. If you were to give him a second chance, he would do everything he possibly could to keep himself from ruining it." I sighed, smoothing my hand over the table.

"I'll think about it." I finally said, "It _would_ be nice to not have to think about it all the time."

"How often do you focus on it?" Carlisle asked, slightly concerned.

"All the time." I replied, "Among other things." He seemed confused, so I tried to explain, "When I say that my mind just keeps going, I mean it's.. Really loud in there. Like being on the verge of having like eight ideas at once, but I can only focus on one at a time. Like eight people wanting my attention at once, but I can only listen to one at a time. It really makes it hard to concentrate. It's hard to explain."

"How long has it been like this?" He asked, and I sighed, shrugging a little.

"Awhile. I'm not sure when it started." I answered, "I think it's been this way since I woke up in the hospital after Jack's trial, but I'm not sure. It just never stops. I used to get a break from it when I'd sleep, but not anymore. It's only gotten worse the last couple of months. Before, it was only like three topics I'd try to concentrate on at once. Now there's so many."

"Can I have an example?" He asked, and I sighed again.

"There's Andrew, of course." I started, "There's worrying about Josh doing the same, and there's wondering what I'm going to do about it. Those are separate. There's the wedding tomorrow, and there's wondering how I'm going to survive wearing that stupid dress. Those are separate too. There's worrying about being good around so many humans. I saw the list. There's going to be a lot of people here. There's my dad moving back, and there's worrying if my sister is going to be okay here. There's wondering how I'll ever possibly be a good sister to her. There's worrying about what'll happen if I'm ever supposed to defend her, or if she ever figures out how different I am." He watched me, concerned as he realized I still wasn't done.

"There's the whole situation with the gift I supposedly have, and there's this whole situation. With the medication, and how torn I am about it. Even still. Those two are separate, too. There's wondering what I'm supposed to do about thinking about everything, and how worked up I always am. There's wondering if I actually do have a gift, and if so, how I'm supposed to focus on that if I have so much else going on. There's wondering what the hell is wrong with me if I can't even sleep at night."

I took a breath, realizing I listed off quite a few more than eight topics. He continued to watch me.

"There's more, but all of that is what I think of the most, and that's not even covering all the memories I have no control over." I continued, "It's worse when I try to sleep, but I have these sort of.. Day nightmares. It's hard to explain those. It's sort of where I still get scared, but it's not as bad as when I sleep. Like a panic attack in my head. I can't control it, and it just pops up at random times. Any given time of day, my mind chooses a memory it wants me to remember, and those take priority over everything else, so it just takes my focus away from everything else to put me through a brief moment of hell I've survived until now. I can normally keep myself from reacting to those. I've never told anyone about those before, because I know how crazy that makes me sound, and that's another thing I worry about. Because when I think about the fight with Andrew, I think about what he told me. That I should have stayed in Tacoma, because I'm not so sure I shouldn't have."

I looked down, "That's why I told him what I did that day. That I knew I should have stayed. He wasn't even wrong about that. I don't like the way I didn't have any control over what happened to me, but at least there, I didn't have to think so much. There, I couldn't even remember my own name, or where I was, much less my past, or trying to focus on so many things at one time. There, I didn't have to worry or feel anything at all. There, at least I slept. Thinking about Tacoma, I think about the fight with Andrew, it just starts me over again on all of those topics. Over and over. There's no rest between them."

I frowned, continuing, "Then, there's all the little side topics that go along with each topic, like what I need to do to fix each issue or what I can try or what the possible outcome of each of those could be, and that's when it really gets crazy. Add in the emotions that go along with each topic and each side topic when Jasper doesn't hide it all, like being scared it won't turn out the right way, or sad that I haven't done anything about it yet, and there's even more I have to focus on. They're all trying to get me to focus on each one at once, and I have to just pick one, otherwise I get mixed up, and my head starts to hurt." I sighed, "It's like there isn't enough room in my head. It just all piles on top of each other. It's hard to focus on what's going on in my head, and what's going on around me. It's really hard sometimes to make sense of either one. Especially if there's a lot going on around me, and I try to split my attention."

"That concerns me." He finally commented, sighing.

"You and me both." I admitted, "I don't even know where to begin fixing it."

"And you won't take the medication?" I gave him a look, "I'm just confirming."

"I would really rather not." I replied, "I know there's more I can try. I just don't know where to start. I know it would help a _lot_ to be able to sleep, because I heard somewhere that while someone sleeps, they sort through things that have been on their mind, but it's just not possible with the nightmares I have. I won't let myself stay asleep long enough to even see the nightmare anymore, much less try and sort through the piles of topics, and side topics, and solutions, and emotions all piling on top of each other. The last time I got any sleep longer than four hours was my birthday, and that was like a month ago."

I shut myself up, sighing heavily and running my fingers through my hair.

"Wow." I spun, looking back at Emmett in the doorway, "It's no wonder you space out. You're thinking way too much."

"Yeah." I agreed, looking forward again, "Now you know."

"This can't continue." Carlisle finally said, "It's too much for you."

"If you have any suggestions, besides taking pills, I'm happy to hear it." I mumbled, "Because I can pretty much tell you that I've already thought of every other solution there is, and so far, nothing has worked."

"Try a hobby." I jumped as Emmett suddenly sat on the table to my other side, "Something that takes your focus from all the other stuff going on in there." He poked the top of my head.

"Like what?" I asked, looking up at him.

"I don't know." He said, "Reading, drawing."

"I'm not very good at drawing." I shook my head, "And reading just adds to everything."

"Let Edward teach you how to play the piano." He suggested, "I know he plays that when he needs to sort through things on his mind."

I laughed a little, "I'd be no good at it."

"How do you know?"

"I'm not coordinated enough." I replied, "I can hardly talk and walk at the same time without hurting myself." I sighed and stood, "I'm going to go stare at the wall." I had a feeling they wanted to talk about me, so I would let them.

I laid there on the couch, doing just as I said I would, and nobody bothered me. Staring at a blank section of the wall, I gave each topic, and then some, its own attention. Between each one, I wondered how the hell I was supposed to pass as normal when my dad came for the wedding. He would definitely see how stressed I was.

I wasn't as worried about meeting the family's cousins from Denali, though I was nervous. I hoped they would at least approve of me, even though I was human. I didn't have to worry too much about them noticing how my behavior had changed, as they hadn't known me before. I felt better about meeting them, because they were like my family. They weren't human, and that helped.

"Leandra." I was taken from my thoughts at Esme's voice, and I rolled over, looking to her, "It's time to eat." Oh yeah. I'd skipped lunch, and hadn't even realized how hungry I was.

"Sorry." I murmured, standing, "I hadn't even thought about it." It was dinner time already. Time had passed without me even noticing. That thought bothered me, but I really couldn't make myself worry about it.

I sat there, absentmindedly eating, when I jumped at something being set in front of me. A small prescription bottle, seemingly harmless. I looked up at Jasper suddenly there.

"Um.." I wasn't sure if he had talked to Carlisle yet, "I don't-"

"Yes." He nodded, "I know what you told Carlisle, but I'm going to have to ask you to reconsider. He won't ask you again, but I certainly will."

"Jasper-"

"Leandra, please. Just try them. There's nothing wrong with them." Esme stood watching, letting us handle it. I sighed, looking at the bottle again. Reaching out, I picked it up slowly, listening to the quiet rattle of the pills inside and looking over the label. Trying to get used to the idea. Arguing just added more to my already overcrowded mind. Especially with how firm his voice had been.

Jasper stayed quiet, but he stayed right there.

"B-But-" I looked up at him.

"Please." He stressed, "All I'm asking, all we're all asking, is to just try them. We'd never suggest anything that would hurt you."

"I know that." I mumbled, biting my lip. Looking at the bottle again, I whined in hesitancy.

"Are you worried about the side effects?" I didn't look up at Carlisle's voice suddenly beside me as well.

"A little." I admitted.

"There are almost no risks with these." He replied, "I made sure of that. The most that will happen, is you'll feel a little tired." I looked up, narrowing my eyes, "But that won't be caused by the medication, Leandra. That'll be caused by the fact that you'll be calmer, and you'll start to really feel the fact that you haven't slept." That made sense, "I'll watch you closely, just to make sure you aren't developing a reaction to it, but even the risks of that are very minimal. It's the mildest there is."

I turned the bottle over in my hand a little, "There are no risks to stopping it abruptly, so don't worry about that. No chance of addiction, or dependence, so if you don't like them, then that's that. It doesn't have to be taken long term to feel their effects, and there isn't any adjustment period. You can skip a day or two, and take it the third day. You can just take it when you're feeling overwhelmed, and need a break, or you can take it daily. It's up to you."

"Leandra," Jasper spoke again, "I'm all for trying on your own, but not in this case. Carlisle is concerned, and I am too. Alice is, Esme is. We all are." I looked up at him, sighing a little, "I know how much you want to be able to get through this by yourself, but I'd like a little bit of help here."

"I don't have to take it everyday?" I asked, looking up.

"No." Carlisle answered, "Not if you don't want to. The effects of the stress you're under are far worse than anything this medication could possibly do."

They were all quiet now, as I looked at the bottle one last time. I hated the idea, more than they could possibly know, but I had to at least try. That's all they were asking.

"Okay." I finally said, and I heard Esme's sigh of relief to my other side, "But if I don't like it, I don't have to take it again, right?"

"Right." Carlisle nodded, "Now, as I said, as soon as it has a chance to take effect, you're going to get tired."

"And that's only because I'm calmer." I needed to confirm, "Not because of this?" I raised the bottle a little.

"Exactly." He nodded, "My suggestion would be to take it before bed, but in this case, the sooner the better. Just one is all that's needed."

I got myself ready for bed, even though it was only five-thirty in the evening. I'd doubted the effect, since he told me it was only mild, but I was wrong. Over three weeks of less than adequate sleep added up, and Carlisle assured me that was all it was. It unsettled me, how tired I suddenly was, but I also knew I was safe where I was.

I was so tired, my entire body hurt just staying upright. I could still think, and I could still remember, so I knew this was entirely different than what they were giving me in Tacoma. I could still think, but my thoughts were a lot less jumbled, and slower. Not quite sluggish, but easier to focus on. If I wasn't so tired.

I hit the bed hard, feeling more exhausted than I'd let myself feel before. Unlike the sleep aid I'd tried before, this was different. Instead of being trapped in a nightmare, I didn't dream at all, but this wasn't unconsciousness. This was nothing but sleep. Pure and simple.

This was even more sleep than I'd gotten on my birthday. This was more sleep than I'd gotten in so long, as long as I could remember, and it was weird to me, but indescribably welcome. No having to wake up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare, nobody coming in to wake me up. I just slept. That's all I did, and though it was new to me, it was amazing.

I woke on my own in the morning, grateful that I'd decided to go to bed early. As it was, I'd had fifteen and a half hours of sleep.

I hardly even moved while I slept, so when I woke up, I was a little stiff, but I felt a thousand times better. When I woke up, I realized how much better I felt, and the fact that I could think straight was enough for me. If the dreamless sleep wasn't enough, the way I could think now was what made me decide that I would take it again. Everything else was just an added plus. The fact that I didn't need to sleep off the effects like I would have with a sleep aid, and how my heart rate was slower, the way I wasn't edgy anymore.

It was weird, not being edgy or even defensive, but I didn't miss it like I thought I would. I liked it. A lot. Carlisle sat me down to talk to me after breakfast, just to make sure I was doing well.

"You shouldn't have to sleep for so long after awhile of taking it." He assured me, "You'll start to adjust, and after enough time, you won't need it to sleep. You'll sleep on your own."

"I'm not used to sleeping that much." I admitted, "Not without having to wake up all the time. Even before all this started." I couldn't help smiling, laughing a little.

"You'll get used to it." He assured me again, returning my smile, "Now, just remember. You don't have to take it every day if you choose not to. My suggestion is to continue taking it every day for the next week or so. Every day, just until you catch up on all of the sleep you've missed, and until you can sort through all your thoughts and emotions, and after that, every other or every third day as you need to."

"Now that I know what it does, it won't be a problem." I replied, "I know you told me it was nothing to worry about, but I was still afraid. I'm not anymore."

Jasper was feeling better, I quickly noticed, and it didn't seem so bad now that I knew I'd helped him. It really wasn't much.

I slept again that night, just as well as I did the night before. Not a dream, not even having to roll over. I wasn't as tired as before, though. Not near as tired. From what I understood, I was making up for my entire life's worth of not enough sleep, and I'd have to get used to that.

I didn't dream, but I knew when I woke up in the morning that while I slept, my mind had still been busy. I didn't have to think as much today, which was how I knew. All of the problems that had seemed so huge before, seemed smaller to me now. Smaller, and easier to handle. My perspective of them had changed, and I could finally just take a breath, instead of being suffocated by them.

I felt better, both physically and emotionally, and I looked better. The dark circles under my eyes had faded quite a bit, and I hardly recognized myself. I thought it would have taken awhile before I started noticing changes, but I was wrong. It was nearly instant, and that surprised me. It amazed me to see how big of a difference just sleeping could do.

I was actually glad I had begun to get the rest I needed when I did. My dad showed up at the house that day. The day before the wedding to tell me he'd chosen a house. It was a little place in a town between Forks and Sappho, where I used to live. Ten minutes outside of Forks. To both his and my surprise, I asked to go and see it. I understood his surprise, as I never volunteered to go anywhere with him. It was always up to him to ask me. This time, however, I was curious about his new house, and I wanted to see if I still felt better away from home. It was more of a test for me.

"Sure." He laughed a little, looking to Esme, "Unless you need her to help decorate for tomorrow?"

She smiled, "I think we have it covered."

"I won't keep her long." My dad said, watching as I stood, leaving the room.

At first glance, the house was very nice. It was only one story, but it was much bigger than the house my mom had chosen. The area itself looked nice as well, just a small neighborhood surrounded by trees. It was pretty out there, quite a distance from the highway.

The outside was made of a light gray brick, with a prominent bay window to the right of the front door and small covered porch.

"It's not much," My dad said, "But I kind of like it."

"It's nice." I told him, "Good choice."

The inside was just as nice. A wide open entry way. Ahead and to the right was a pretty roomy kitchen, and directly beside us to the right was the living room. Which held the bay window. Inside a small alcove type area was a couple of doors, and the open door showed a huge master bedroom. A high, vaulted ceiling made the place seem bigger on the inside than what it really was.

Straight ahead looked like a dining room on the left, and maybe a den beyond a large arched doorway on the right.

To the left, was a small area for hanging coats, and a wide hallway. Probably holding the other bedrooms. I found that even without a lot of furniture yet, and even with random boxes stacked in various places, it was very nice. Hardwood for the hallways, kitchen and dining room, and a light tan carpet for the living room and bedroom. Natural wood accents along with natural wood cabinets in the kitchen made it feel really homey.

Before I could take a tour, Lily came running from the hallway. Grinning as soon as she saw me.

"Mommy said I could have the bigger small bedroom." She informed dad as he lifted her, "Is that okay?"

"That's fine, honey." He replied, kissing her cheek. She smiled at me, and when I normally would have been nervous before, I returned her smile. The excitement of moving must have gotten to her.

"Where's your mom?" He asked her, and she pointed toward the master bedroom, "Okay. Why don't you show Leandra around?"

"Okay." She seemed only too happy to do so. He set her back on her feet, and she reached over, taking my hand excitedly.

I found out this way that this house was big enough for four bedrooms. Three on the left side of the house, along with one smaller bathroom. It sat on the left of the hallway, directly beside Lily's room. The other two bedrooms were smaller than Lily's room, but still good sized and they sat on the right of the hallway. One looked like it was going to be Kaylee's room, the other a guest room.

"Dad says I can have the walls painted." Lily reported happily, "Whatever color I want." Her room was pretty good sized. The high, vaulted ceiling pattern continuing in here, "I'm gonna have it painted pink. Everywhere."

"You should do pink and white." I suggested and she looked to me, "Gotta think about when you're older too, Lily."

"Good point." She said, nodding as she looked around, "I thought I'd hate moving, but it's so pretty around here." I smiled a little, nodding in agreement, "And I like my room. It's a lot bigger than the one I had before, and I don't have to share it with the baby."

"That's a definite plus." I commented, agreeing with her. I sat on her bed, looking around. The side-by-side windows against the far wall let in a lot of light, even if it was cloudy.

"Oh." She said, "Wanna see the backyard?" I stood again and let her lead me from her room. Instead of finding her excitement grating on me, I couldn't help laughing. She led me up the hall, back toward the front door, and turned left. Passed the kitchen, passed the dining room, and into what I thought was the den. Turned out I was right. Just another, smaller living area, with a sliding glass door against the back wall.

She wrestled it open, and stepped out onto a larger, covered back porch. Passed the porch, was a pretty good sized patio and beyond that, was a pretty good sized patch of treeless grass. It was already fenced, and all that looked to be needed was a good mowing, but otherwise, was very pretty. Secluded, surrounded on all sides by the forest, only the fence separating the trees from the grass.

"Wow." I muttered, smiling at Lily, "Very nice." I wasn't exaggerating either. She grinned back at me.

"Isn't it?" She asked excitedly, "I wanted trees like you have around your house, and dad made sure of it. We didn't have trees like this where we lived before, so I wanted it. Now that we live so close, dad says you can come visit more often, too. Right?"

"Right." I agreed, "And you can come visit me more often." She grinned, liking that idea.

She led me back inside where it was warm, straight back into her room. There, we talked about all sorts of things. Mainly how nervous she was about starting school in a few weeks. I realized then how perfectly my dad had planned their move.

She got to finish the year at her old school, and had a summer to say goodbye to her friends. She'd be starting second grade, so it was still early enough in her schooling that a move like this wouldn't mess her up too much in the area of stability.

I found that the more I listened, the more I realized that she had a lot to say. Given our ages, she had been born when I was five years old, and I hadn't even known about her. I also found that the more I got to know her, the more I wanted to be there to protect her. Even if I did start going to school again, though, I wouldn't be able to be there. Sixth grade went to the middle school, instead of the elementary like she'd be attending.

Even with the way I felt now, I knew I wouldn't be fit for being around the humans so much, so attending school again would be out of the question anyway, but I did wonder on the way home what it'd be like to attend school with Josh this time around. We'd all be at the same school for a year. It was so hard to believe that Josh was going into his last year at the middle school. He was thirteen already, starting eighth grade. I hoped he at least had time to show Zack and Andrew around the school before the year was over.

It really surprised me to find myself actually wishing I was more normal. That was concerning to me, because I'd never, not once, wished I was normal enough to go to school. The fact that I could even find it concerning told me that this was how I actually felt. Not the medication messing with me.

For the first time, I began to fully comprehend just how much I was changing. Before, it had been a fleeting worry, but now it began to really sink in. If I wanted to be around humans, and if I thought I'd have at least a snowball's chance in hell at fitting in, I'd have to be changing more than I realized.

Just how much was I changing?

**A/N: Ah! Don't hate me. It's not really filler- I swear! All of the information in here was need to know.  
Chapter seven should be along at some point tomorrow. I'm fairly certain you'll recognize quite a few bits of that it, which is why I'm fairly confident about the timing of it.  
*THANK YOU* To my awesome reviewers! Lovelovelove you all!  
See you all next chapter, guys. (:  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"Just a drop off, kiddo." My dad told me, "I can't stay. I've got a lot to do. I'll see you tomorrow, though." I smiled over at him.

"Okay." I agreed, giving him a quick hug, "See you tomorrow. Four-thirty. Starts at five, but you wanna get the good seats."

"I'm never late." He smiled in return.

I went inside, closing the door behind me. I hung up my damp jacket, and looked around. I knew exactly where everybody was, but I wasn't in a rush. They were all out back decorating, and I knew I wouldn't be any help, so I decided I'd just watch.

I stepped out onto the porch, watching everybody busily decorating the back yard. Alice barking at Emmett and Rose, trying to explain where everything was supposed to go. I laughed a little, though my mind was stuck on the change I'd noticed today. I didn't worry about it like I would have before. Instead, I found it much easier to just calm down about it, and I was even a little curious as to where that change would lead.

It was much easier to just laugh, and tell myself that nobody stayed the same forever. I was bound to change in more than ways than just physically. That was inevitable, so why bother worrying?

I remembered Josh's words the month before, and smiled. It was almost hard to believe how right he'd been. How he'd been right about the fact that my life would be a thousand times easier if I just learned not to worry about every little thing I noticed. If I just let go, and let whatever happened, happen.

I hoped at least he would show up. It had been so long since I'd seen him, but there was no guarantee he would bother.

"He'll show." I looked back at Edward's voice, and smiled as he joined me on the porch, "He'll be here."

"I hope so." I replied, looking forward again. My smile faded a little as I thought about the other two. Carlisle was right. Despite the fight, Andrew did still mean a lot to me. It wasn't as simple as I made it seem to just let it go like that. I knew Edward was listening in, but he didn't let on.

"I'll bet you're glad you weren't around all the time last week." I laughed a little, "You'd have lost your mind."

"Not entirely." He murmured, "I could have helped you."

"I don't know." I shook my head, "I'm pretty stubborn." He seemed to find that amusing.

"I believe that." He nodded, "I've always known that." I laughed a little, and we stood quietly for a moment.

"What would you do?" I asked, looking over at him, "If you were me?" He saw the subject in my thoughts, looking away.

"I would forgive him." He finally replied, "You see the truth in what Carlisle told you, and you know he's right. You also know that you can trust that we'll be here if anything were to go wrong again. You also know that Carlisle would never suggest something that was going to hurt you, so you know he believes what he says." I smiled a little, "As confused as you're telling yourself you are, you know that you'll eventually forgive him."

"You're good." I pointed out and he chuckled, "So what's it like? Being able to hear people's thoughts?"

"It can be confusing at times, it's true." He said, "But over time, I've learned to tune them out, and I've learned how to choose just one mind to hear. The rest is just background noise."

"Have you ever come across anyone that can do what you can do?" I asked curiously, realizing that I'd never asked these questions before. I looked up at him, and his smile faded.

"The closest one I've come across, would be Aro." He said, his mood seeming to immediately drop, "I won't go into any specifics, but his gift is different. He can see every thought a person has ever had, but he needs to touch your hand to see it. Whereas I only see what you're thinking at the moment, and I don't need contact."

"Oh." I said, nodding, "I get it." I smiled, laughing again. I was still curious, but I decided not to pry and to turn the conversation away from Aro. Whoever that was, "Is that how you found me that day? Outside the school?"

"I knew where you were going before you even stood up." He admitted, "It really confused me at first, so after awhile, I followed you."

I looked down, remembering clearly how scared I was.

"I remember as well." He said, "I found that concerning also. However useless it was to try to lie, I didn't need to be a mind reader to see that you were afraid of your stepfather." My smile faded this time, and I looked forward. Over the now half decorated yard.

I was quiet for a moment, studying my hands, "What do you think would have happened if I had not hit Rachel that day? I wonder about that all the time."

"I suppose you'd still be where you were. Nothing would have changed." He replied quietly.

"Or dead." I shrugged, glancing back up at him, "I know I wouldn't have survived very much longer where I was. Although, I could be wrong, too." He sighed, looking away.

"As disappointed as I am in Emmett, I'm not sorry he did what he did. I know where his head was at, and I can't blame him. Not after what he saw." He paused, "To see it happening again, he took matters into his own hands. It's not often that Emmett does that for anyone."

"I'm not sorry he did it either." I replied, studying my hands again.

"Leandra, I'm sorry. I really am." I looked up, confused, "I should have been here more often, instead of off visiting Bella."

"No." I said, laughing a little, "Don't be. I get it. I would probably do the same. And besides. More family time for me." That seemed to make him feel a little better. It was true. As often as he was gone, it still seemed like I'd seen him every day. Watching those in the yard busy with activity, I smiled.

"I have got to be the luckiest kid in the world." I murmured out loud, "I can't believe there was ever a time when I ever truly thought I wasn't. I mean, what kid could say that the loving parents and family they have were going to last forever? I can say that, and that's why I'm lucky." He smiled, "I just hope I can make them proud as I get older. Start making the right choices, instead of stupid wrong ones."

After a few moments, he spoke up in reply, "One thing you should realize about Carlisle, and really everyone, is they are always proud of you. No matter what you do, they're proud of all you've accomplished. It takes work, it's a real struggle to get where you are after going through what you've been through, and you made it look so easy. You may not realize it, but what you've accomplished is a feat most children that have been in your situation don't achieve. In many ways, Carlisle admires you."

"Me?" I asked, surprised. I laughed a little, "That's hard to believe."

"You're the very definition of strength, Leandra. The will to move on, and live your life after all you'd been through."

"He and I have a very different definition of strength, I guess." I replied, looking down again. He was quiet, chuckling a little.

I decided to return to the subject then.

"Is it possible, though, for two to have the exact same gift?" I asked quietly.

He looked at me, understanding immediately why I asked, "It's definitely possible. It's not as rare as you might think. It is pretty rare, however, for those two gifted individuals to actually meet." He smiled a little, "Your gift is still developing, but I have a feeling that your gift will surpass Alice's, because you're a newer generation. Your gifts could be completely different from each others. We don't know exactly what yours will do once it reaches its full potential. And we won't see its full potential until you've been turned. If you ever are."

"I never thought about that." I murmured in thought, "So.. You think I am, too?"

"Definitely." He said, "From what has been explained to me, I see it." I looked forward again as he continued, "It could stay the way it is now, just a feeling until you're turned, or it could change into something no one has expected." He said, "There's no telling, but I do know that the family is eager to see what it might become."

I liked his straightforward answers. Instead of beating around the answer, trying to keep from confusing me, he answered directly, and in a way I could easily understand. It made me feel less odd, and eased me into the idea of being gifted. I appreciated it greatly.

He smiled a little, "You're welcome."

He patted my shoulder, turning back toward the house. I gave him a smile, looking over the yard again.

"Oh." He said, and I looked back, "Try not to think so much."

"I don't think as much as I used to."

"It's still there." He countered, "But you already know the right thing to do. Trust your judgement and your own endurance, and everything will work out fine. Don't sell yourself short." I sighed, smiled and nodded. I appreciated the way he seemed to know just what to say.

He seemed so sure. It was almost impossible not to believe him.

I stood there for quite awhile, watching the daylight fade, and the entire yard full of decorations come together. It was hard to believe that something like that was possible, how beautiful it was. It was easily something from a magazine, or story book. Despite the way it wasn't even finished yet.

A soft breeze blew, only slightly chilly. My hair fluttered slightly over my face, tickling my nose as I watched. After a little while longer, I'd gained Esme's attention, and she left the decorating long enough to join me on the porch.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, and I shook my head a little.

"I had pizza at my dad's." I replied, "He figured it would be easier on you that way. Insisted, actually. Only younger kid, and all that."

"That was considerate of him." She commented. I stepped over, hugging onto her side and smiling a little when she returned the embrace.

"It was." I said, "His house is really nice. More than I expected."

"Yeah?" She prompted, smiling.

"The backyard is pretty big. Not as big as ours, but it's almost as big. They're expecting the rest of their stuff tomorrow morning, but he says he won't be late." I looked up, smiling a little at the way she was looking at me, "What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head, "I'm just surprised."

"About?" I asked, curious.

"How quickly you've completely turned around." She explained, "It's amazing."

"Sleeping helps." I laughed, and she followed suit. We stood there for a moment, before I spoke again, "Tomorrow night.." I trailed off for a second, "I don't want to take the medication. Just to see."

"Carlisle-"

"I know." I said, "I know it hasn't been a week yet, but I just want to see. I know it helps me, but it bothers me just _how_ much it helps me."

"Okay, sweety." She finally told me, "Alright."

"I'll take it tonight, just to make sure tomorrow goes okay." I assured her, "But after that, I want to get to know myself again."

She hugged me tighter, so I knew she wasn't too disappointed in me. Edward's words still fresh in my mind. Trust myself. I knew what was best for me. I just had to trust my own judgement.

The following day, when I would have been freaking out at expecting so many people over, I was sitting there. Letting Esme do my hair, because Rose and Alice were busy. I actually didn't mind what Esme did with my hair. When I asked what it was called, she told me it was a waterfall braid. I liked it. She secured both sides of it in the back with a clear band, and overtop of that, tied a violet flower.

It took her maybe a few minutes to create something I'd never seen before in my hair. I'd never been one to particularly care about how my hair looked, but this was so amazing.

Alice saw my hair while on her way to get ready herself, and heavily complimented Esme on her choice.

"Go get dressed." Alice urged, and I didn't argue, "Everything is already laid out for you. You've got ten minutes before everyone else starts showing up." I jogged down the stairs, and dodged Jasper and Emmett in the living room on the way toward my room. Of course, they were already dressed.

"You two look nice." I commented on my way by.

I hardly looked twice at myself in the mirror once I had the dress on. I hated it, but I wouldn't put up a fuss today. The one time I did look in the mirror was before I left the room again, just to make sure I didn't mess up my hair. I was careful while pulling it on, but I had to be certain.

This time, when I came back out, there were two others in the living room with Jasper and Emmett. I recognized Charlie, but the woman beside him, I didn't.

"Look at you." Charlie commented, surprised. I hadn't seen him in months. Not since he was telling me to stop running away. If I hadn't known I'd been growing since then, I definitely would now, "You've grown so much." I smiled, laughing a little.

The woman beside him held her hand out, "You must be Leandra." She said, and I smiled a little more.

"The one and only." I replied, and instantly, she seemed endeared.

"I'm Renee." She told me, "Bella's mom."

"Oh, hi." I said, "It's very nice to meet you." I pulled my hand back, giving her a smile, "I haven't seen Bella yet, but I think she's upstairs."

"I've been up to see her." Renee assured me, "And let me tell you, Alice is amazing at what she does."

"She sure is." I laughed, "There's nobody better."

I waited inside for Esme, and when she finally came down, I gave her a smile. I was okay, but a little nervous so I wanted her with me. She took my hand and walked me outside with her, giving me a comforting smile.

I held tight to her hand as we walked around, feeling a little overwhelmed by how many people were here already. The backyard had filled in the time I took waiting for Esme. I felt like I had a permanent blush on my cheeks as I looked around.

Lots of people were there that I recognized as friends of Bella and Edward's, but a lot of people I didn't recognize. Probably friends of friends, or coworkers of Carlisle's. I found myself staring up into the trees, amazed by the thousands upon thousands of tiny white flowers hanging from them. I remembered watching the others stringing those, and they seemed so perfect where they were.

The sound of the river nearby seemed to only complete the setting. Looking around the backyard was absolutely breathtaking, and I found myself fascinated by everything. I briefly wondered how many people had the same reaction as I did.

I'd met so many people, I knew there was no way I could possibly remember all of their names. Still overwhelmed by the beauty of the yard, I hardly noticed when Esme stopped beside three women. Releasing my hand, she reached forward and hugged them one at a time.

"Oh, is this the little one?"

"Leandra." I looked up to Esme, "These are our cousins. Tanya, Kate, and Irina." A blush flew to my cheeks, wishing she had prepared me for this. All three of these women were breathtakingly beautiful, and as nice as I hesitantly considered I looked, I felt my self-esteem drop a few thousand notches at just the sight of them.

"Esme, she's so beautiful." The one she pointed out as Kate said, smiling down at me. That was a very big compliment, coming from her.

"It's nice to meet you." I murmured, smiling up at them, "And thank you."

"And polite." Irina spoke quietly, smiling at me also, "You don't see that in children much these days."

I looked over as Carlisle stepped up, two more I didn't recognize behind him. A man and a woman, golden eyes much like my family's. I smiled up at them, giving the sweetest smile I could manage.

"Leandra, this is Carmen and Eleazar." Carlisle introduced the two others. These two had dark hair, instead of blonde like Tanya and her sisters. Eleazar was handsome, sharp features. He greeted me with a warm smile, and he held his hand out to me. I took it without much hesitation, placing my small hand in his, and he shook it gently with a smile.

"It's nice to meet you." I repeated, my voice quiet. I took Carmen's soon after, giving her a smile as well, "And you."

"She's precious." Carmen commented. Looking back down to me, she continued, "We've heard so much about you, Leandra." Her voice was heavily accented, which I found I liked. It interested me, not having heard many accents in my lifetime.

"Good things, I hope." I laughed a little, as did they, "Because I can be a pain."

"But of course." She laughed. Carlisle's hand placed itself on my shoulder, silently telling me it was okay. She looked up, looking to Carlisle again, "I think it's wonderful that you chose to take this one in. She seems very happy." I knew better than to speak out of turn. I wanted to tell her, though, that I was. I was very happy.

"She was recently adopted." Carlisle responded, "I don't think I managed to get around to telling you the news."

"Oh, is that right?" Carmen's smile widened and she looked down to me, "Well, let me be the first of us cousins to officially welcome you to the family." I smiled wider as well.

"Thank you." I responded, smiling wider as well and leaning against Carlisle's side.

"And," Eleazar spoke, "If there is anything you need, feel free to call on us. Though, I doubt there will be much you need." He smiled and I found myself liking my new cousins very much. It seemed as if they approved of me, and that made me ecstatic.

"Leandra." Esme called my attention, and I looked to her. She pointed toward where the four new guests entered, and I followed to where she pointed. I hadn't been prepared for seeing them. Zack, Andrew and Josh. Richard behind them. Josh looked around. Probably looking for me. Andrew stared at the ground, as if he really didn't want to push it.

I looked up at Carlisle, who offered a supportive smile before gently nudging me in their direction.

"It was nice to meet you." I murmured in goodbye, and they all smiled in response. I took a deep breath, and started in their direction.

"Good luck, shorty." Emmett offered as I passed. As I walked in their direction, I thought. What was the best way to do this? Should I ignore the other two? Pretend like nothing in the world was wrong?

Richard spotted me before the other three, patting Andrew's shoulder. As soon as their eyes all landed on me, I felt like I wanted to stop walking, but I kept going. I hadn't seen them in four weeks, and they had changed. Yet again.

"Hi, guys." I greeted quietly. That was casual enough, right?

"Wow." Josh laughed, looking me over.

"Your brothers aren't going to kill me, are they?" Andrew asked, and I finally looked to him.

"No." I said, "Alice invited you, didn't she?"

"I thought it was an accident." He responded, and I shook my head.

"Alice doesn't make mistakes." My response seemed to give him a little bit of hope, given the small smile that replaced his expression of nervousness.

"You look great, Leandra." Zack offered, and I gave him a smile.

"Thank you." I replied, "So do you guys."

I looked back, knowing exactly where each of my family stood. Jasper and Alice up at the front of where the benches sat facing, talking to someone I didn't remember meeting before. Emmett a bit down from them, talking with a bunch of Carlisle's coworkers. Rosalie stood on the other side of the benches, talking to Renee.

Esme and Carlisle were both still talking with our cousins, neither seeming to mind my disappearing. By the way Tanya kept glancing to me, slight worry or concern in her eyes, I had a sense that they were talking about me.

I was on my own here.

"Uh.." I sighed, looking at the boys again, "Yeah. You guys might want to find your seats soon, because these benches are filling up fast."

"Leandra." I turned, smiling at Lily as she and my dad came walking up. Rachel behind them with Kaylee sitting in her arm.

"Hey." I grinned, returning Lily's hug once she got to me, "Sorry, dad. I thought four-thirty was early enough, but I guess not."

"No biggie." He replied, hugging me next, "We'll find somewhere to sit."

"I love your hair." Lily gasped, admiring the braid.

"Esme did it for me." I told her.

"It's so pretty." She whined, "Mommy, you have to learn how to do that."

"I'm sure if you ask really nicely, Esme could teach you how to braid like this yourself." I nodded, and she grinned, "Then you could teach your mom how." Rachel smiled, seeming relieved that she wouldn't have to learn right away. She had her hands full enough with Kaylee.

To my surprise, I actually reached forward, asking to hold Kaylee. Rachel immediately agreed, and I pulled the baby to me. Holding her securely the same way Rachel had been. With my hand supporting her upper back.

My dad's surprise matched Emmett's as I caught his eye.

"Just don't pee on me." I requested, looking to the grinning baby.

"Fresh change, so no worries." Rachel laughed, and I nodded. She was pretty heavy for a baby, so I knew she was healthy.

"I'll go find us some seats." Richard offered, pausing to give me a small side hug on his way by.

"I will too." My dad offered, "Lily, want to come help?" She agreed, and took his hand. I watched after them for a bit, holding more securely to the baby. Kaylee looked around curiously, making quiet noises. It sounded as if she were wanting to talk, but couldn't quite get it.

"How old is she again?" I asked curiously.

"Six months." Rachel replied, "Already, I know." I laughed a little, looking at Kaylee.

"She's going to have dad's eye color." I pointed out, something I'd noticed the last time I saw her, and Rachel laughed again.

"Looks that way." She nodded, "Lily's the one with mine."

The boys stayed around, their eyes on me until I decided to hand the baby back to Rachel. I didn't want to risk doing something wrong, or dropping her as my arms got tired.

"She moves around a lot." I laughed, and Rachel joined in.

"Crawling any day now." She informed me, smiling at Kaylee as she babbled a little louder, "I can't complain. She's such a well behaved baby."

Soon it was time to take our seats, and I was pulled beside Emmett on the far end of the bench in the first row where I would be sitting. Andrew and his dad sat toward the middle of the group, behind us along with Josh and Zack. My dad and his family a few benches behind them.

We all stood there, watching back toward the house. I couldn't see over all of the people, so Emmett lifted me, and even then, I could just barely see. I gasped once I saw Bella.

"Wow." I murmured. Emmett chuckled a little, amused by my amazement as she began walking toward the front, where Edward stood. The happiest smile on his face I'd seen in a long while. She slowly walked closer, and I couldn't help the large smile of my own, absolutely floored by how beautiful she looked.

Charlie placed Bella's hand in Edwards, and they stepped up to the very front together. Emmett set me down, and I watched, mesmerized. We all sat down, watching the two of them together.

I'd never given much thought to weddings and whatnot, what every girl should be dreaming of from like the time she's born. I'd never had a chance to be a girl, or be picky over clothes. I'd never had a chance to be grossed out by dirt, or be obsessed over the way I looked. I was raised from the time I was young to not care about how I looked, or even consider the fact that I'd live long enough to get married. I'd never seen a marriage, so I never knew how emotional they could be. Watching this one up close, I couldn't help but stare.

Suddenly, all the decorations and the preparations didn't seem so outrageous for a moment as beautiful as this one. I blushed, watching them kiss after saying their vows. Clapping and standing along with everyone.

However.

I really couldn't understand it. Jaspers small glance my way told me he was aware of my sudden change of emotion. Edward and Bella hadn't even moved from their spot yet, and even through the excitement of the moment, and the medication, a strong sense of dread pitted in my stomach. A deep, resonating nervousness that told me to be careful. I watched the two of them, trying to breathe after getting punched with that emotion so strong, and still manage to seem like nothing was wrong.

Something was going to go wrong.

I knew that, and I could feel that. It had to do with them, that much I could tell, but I couldn't imagine what could possibly go wrong enough to make me feel this way. Edward would protect her, and there wasn't any threat that I knew of to be worried about. Yet, here I was, and the dread wasn't easing. As if just seeing them standing together, married now, was the end of the world. It didn't make any sense to me.

Before I'd even left the spot I was standing, Jasper was there.

"What was that?" He asked, concerned.

"I don't know." I mumbled. I didn't want to be a drag on the reception, so I made something up, "Maybe the medication is wearing off."

He very obviously didn't buy it, and I knew the reason why. Not only did that emotion match the same one I'd had previously, but the medication didn't wear off that fast. Proven by the last couple of days. He sighed, glancing around.

"We'll talk later." I nodded, letting him know I agreed.

The reception was held closer to the house as the sun set. We didn't dance like everyone else was doing. I walked around, chatting idly with Josh and Zack, looking around at all the people and stealing a cupcake here and there. Trying to ignore all the adults, seeming amused by our cuteness together. Lily followed us around, but the longer the night wore on, she broke off. Heading back to my dad's side, already worn out.

The fact that I hadn't told Andrew to leave yet only added to his earlier hope, and I noticed the way he almost never looked away from me. He hardly spoke, probably trying not to push his luck.

I avoided Jasper every chance I got, and did my best to cover the way I felt. Soon enough, it was easy to do so. It was still there, I still felt it, but I refused to pay it any attention.

"You seem different." Josh pointed out and I looked over at him.

"How?" I asked, laughing a little. Was my behavior really that different?

"I don't know." He said, "You just seem.. Calmer."

"You're the one that told me to stop worrying so much." I pointed out, "Now it's a bad thing?"

"Not at all." He said, smiling, "It's not a bad sort of different. It's a good one. I like it."

"Well, I'm glad you approve." I replied, laughing again.

"Leandra." I turned at Jasper's voice, "You doing okay?" Crap. He'd finally caught me.

"I'm fine." I told him, a little curious as to why he'd ask. The way he looked to the three boys behind me told me that he didn't know the reason behind the feeling I'd had. Which was a relief.

He nodded, taking my word for it.

"I've got my eye on you three." He pointed at the boys, Andrew and Zack instantly looking down. He thought they were going to try something.

"They're fine." I assured Jasper, "It's okay."

"Just let me know if that changes." He replied, and I nodded.

"I will." He gave me another nod, and turned, walking away, "He's a little protective of me."

"I see that." Josh laughed a little, "To be honest, he's scarier than Emmett."

"Really?" I snorted, and he stammored a bit.

"Well, I mean, Emmett is plenty scary too. But there's something about Jasper that tells me not to mess with him."

"Or his sister." I pointed my finger in Josh's face, "Remember that." His laugh told me he knew I was joking.

"Dude." Zack muttered to Andrew, "Breathe."

"I am breathing." He replied, "Just a little faster now." I decided then to have a little pity on the poor kid. I knew how intimidating my family could be when they wanted to.

"Really." I finally addressed Andrew directly for the second time since he'd been there, "You don't have to worry about Jasper. Or Emmett. You have nothing to be worried about, unless you piss me off or make me cry. I don't see either of those happening tonight, so don't wet yourself." Josh burst out laughing at that, and quietly, Andrew joined in.

Glancing over, I met Carlisle and Esme's eyes across the yard, and smiled a little. They returned it, so I knew they'd been keeping an eye on me as well.

Looking over, I watched as Bella and Edward stood talking with our cousins. Irina seemed tense, but I decided not to ask. I just hoped that wasn't what I had to be worried about.

We continued our walk around, and this time, Andrew participated a little more.

"Really." Josh laughed, moving quicker to land at my side, "I've never seen you look like such a girl."

"Most I've seen is you wear a pink t-shirt or something." Zack commented from my other side. I was glad they moved, because it was getting a little uncomfortable for me trailing three boys behind me.

"It happens now and then." I replied incredulously, "I promise. It might be rare, but I do sometimes prove that I am a girl."

"You should more often." He suggested, "Really."

"I'll see what I can do." I laughed doubtfully.

Soon, we all had to sit for the speeches, and we chose a table in the back. Mostly out of the way. Unfortunately, I couldn't concentrate directly on what they were saying, because Josh, Zack and I all got into a mini paper-throwing war. Their ammo of choice being a paper napkin torn to bits and rolled into little pellets.

"Stop." I whispered in a laugh, flicking one of their bits back at them, "I'm trying to pay attention." Of course, another hit my cheek with a small noise from Josh, and I openly flung it back at him. I couldn't stop laughing now if I tried. The best I could do was keep it quiet, laughing harder than I had in awhile. Eventually, Andrew joined in as well. On my team.

Paper pellets flew for quite some time, and I had no idea what all was said during the speeches. The final straw for my self control was when a pellet I'd flicked bounced off Josh's nose and landed in a glass of water off to the side. Floating on the surface obviously.

We all snorted in laughter and scooted away from the table, away from the scene of the crime, and off to an area where it'd be less obvious that we couldn't breathe around our laughter.

"You guys are so rude." I gasped, my voice shaking with the laughs I was trying to hold back.

"Us?" Josh laughed incredulously, "You're the one that hit me right in the face."

"I was _trying_ to pay attention."

"Okay," He laughed, "Okay. You're right. I'm _so_ sorry."

"You _should_ be." I shoved him a little, "That was like.. Super important."

"Right." He chuckled, taking my hand, "It contained information vital to your existance."

"Listen to you." I snorted, looking at him, "Using your words. How cute."

"I know a lot of big words." He replied, "You're just not around often enough to hear me."

"He's been studying the dictionary for weeks." Zack told me, laughing from beside Andrew, "Just to impress you."

"Shut up!" Josh growled his way, slapping his direction. Zack jumped back, laughing louder.

"And Zack took four showers before we left the house, scared he stunk." Josh countered.

"It was only three!" He gasped, outraged, "And it wasn't because I thought I stunk."

"Hey," I said, trying to ease the awkward moment we'd suddenly fallen into, "He's got to learn somehow, right? Might as well be for me." I could sense I'd just fixed it, given Josh's grin, "And hey, it worked. I'm impressed. Zack, you smell fine." Zack grinned now, seeming pleased, "No more tattling on each other. As.. Funny as it is, it's not nice."

I noticed then that the music had started again behind us, so I felt confident I could bring them back over, but there was one thing I had to do first. Looking to Andrew, watching him smile a little, shaking his head at the ground.

"Andrew." I said, and he looked up, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I had a feeling that if I didn't take care of this now, I'd lose my nerve.

"Yeah." He said, surprised, "Yeah."

"Stay here, guys. We'll be right back." I told Josh, and he nodded. I turned, leading Andrew toward the trees. When we were far enough away that I was sure we could talk without Josh or Zack hearing, I turned and looked at him. I could barely see him in the dark trees, but I could tell he was nervous.

I took a deep breath, glancing down for a second, "I just wanted to say that I don't forgive you." He looked down, "But.." I paused, hoping he was listening, "I'm.. Willing to try to. I wanted to tell you that I don't forgive you yet, but I know I will eventually. So don't feel too bad, okay? It might take me some time." He accepted that, as I could clearly see his smile. I returned it a little, and was caught off guard as he suddenly wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He told me, hugging me tight, "I promise I'll never, ever be that stupid again. I promise, and I swear on my life that I'll never do that. Ever, ever again."

"Okay." I laughed, "Take a breath."

"Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. Just name it." He said, pulling back, "Whatever it takes to make it up to you. It doesn't matter what."

"I'll keep that in mind." I told him, looking back up at him. I realized then just how much he'd grown. I actually had to look up a little to see his eyes.

"This is me letting you off the hook." I spoke again, smiling a little, "Cheer up." I went to walk away.

"Just one question." He said, and I paused, looking back at him, "Can I hold your hand again?" I narrowed my eyes in thought, tilting my head a little, "Remember? We fit."

I laughed a little, nodding, "I remember." I paused, "But I don't know about that. That might take a little while." He looked down, so I smiled a little, "I'm not saying no. I'm saying not yet." He smiled, accepting that.

We left the trees, and to my surprise, Edward was standing there. Talking to Josh, looking my way as I neared.

"Hey." I smiled, "Where's Bella?"

"Talking to an old friend." Edward answered, "I thought I'd give her some time." I nodded, understanding now, "I was just talking to your friends here."

"You guys haven't met Edward yet, have you?" I suddenly realized.

"We have now." Zack laughed, and I looked to Andrew.

"Edward, this is Andrew. Andrew, this is my other brother, Edward."

"Nice to meet you." Andrew offered his hand, smiling. Edward shook it briefly.

"I've heard a lot about you three." Edward pointed out, "She talks about you a lot." He grinned, and I had a feeling he was trying to embarrass me.

"Really?" Josh asked, grinning as well. I was mistaken, I realized as I heard the tone of hope in Josh's voice.

"Oh yeah." Edward nodded, "Between us, I think she likes one of you." He was only trying to make my friendship between the three of them harder on me. To my humiliation, I blushed.

"Okay." I spoke up, "New subject." Edward laughed along with the three others, and I sighed, covering my deeply blushing face.

"Which one of us?" Zack asked, "I'll bet it's me."

Edward's attention was taken by something around the side of the house, and his smile faded ever so slightly.

"You three will have to figure that out on your own." He said, "Please excuse me."

"No problem." Josh told him, "It was nice to meet you."

"Thanks a lot." I called after him as he strode away. He waved back at me, and I heard his slight chuckle.

Thankfully, nobody brought that up the rest of the night. We got right back to our paper pellet war, and it was like nothing had changed. There was no awkwardness between us, and we laughed freely now. No longer having to be quiet.

I knew they still thought about it though, despite not mentioning it. However, after a well timed teasing comment, Josh led a chase through the group of guests. I was barefoot at that point, hating the way my shoes hurt my feet, yet I still trailed right behind him. I was having fun, though. Not really mad.

"Hey." Emmett caught me on the third round through the group, "Run that way, shorty." He said, setting me back on my feet. The chase ended by Josh tripping over the leg of a chair, hitting the grass and sliding a little. I couldn't run anymore, laughing too hard. I couldn't breathe, much less ask him if he was okay. He was laughing just as hard as I was, so I assumed so.

Andrew and Zack, who'd trailed behind us the entire way, followed suit. Falling into chairs beside us.

"Oh god." Zack laughed after we had a chance to calm down a little, "I thought I was going to puke."

"Do it that way." I pointed toward Andrew without even realizing it.

"Hey!" Andrew whined, laughing, and that only restarted our laughing.

They got to stay long enough to see Edward and Bella off, and a few minutes later, Richard had to take them home. I hugged them all this time, more grateful than I could ever describe that they'd showed up. It made me feel a hundred percent better about the entire mess of events that had happened a month ago. I felt better, Andrew felt better, and I was sure Zack felt better because Andrew felt better. Josh felt better, because all of us felt better, so it was an amazing night all around.

"School starts on Wednesday." Josh told me, "So if you want to hang out before then, just come on by. We're always home these days."

"I'll think about it." I nodded, grinning, "That doesn't sound so bad."

My dad left a few minutes after the four of them, and this time, he didn't have to drive that far. I was sure he appreciated that, with both girls already fast asleep. He hugged me the best he could with Lily sleeping in his arms, and soon enough, he was gone as well.

With my committments gone, I was suddenly very exhausted. I wouldn't be long for bed myself, but I was suddenly nervous about that. Would I still sleep alright without the help of the medication?

I knew by the way Jasper's confused gaze was on me as I went inside that I'd be interrogated the next day. Because of how well the four of us got along tonight, nothing going wrong, he'd gathered that whatever my earlier dread wasn't caused by anything they did. So it had to be something else.

I already knew it was something else, but I was afraid to tell them what it was about. Rather, who it was about.

**A/N: Man, I was not expecting the entire scene here to change. Which was why I promised a chapter tonight. BUT I still managed to get it out to you, didn't I? AND as I promised, I updated my author's facebook page regularly (name: Kneu Neu).  
Just a side note: I don't stalk people on there, if that's what you're all worried about lol I use it for the sole purpose of updating on how the current chapter is coming along, and pictures I find fitting to give a better idea of what the hell is in my head.  
Chapter eight, as a heads up, will take a bit of time. I have some things I need to catch up on in RL (like _sleep_), and chapter eight might be a little difficult to type out, because of how much this dang chapter changed on me. *irritation* BUT it's here. I just have to regather my thoughts on this story, and it'll probably be out sometime within the next couple of days. No more than a week.  
ANYHOO! THANK YOU! To my reviewers. You're awesomeness outshines my own. Marginally.**  
**I look forward to reading your thoughts on this huge, unexpected change. (:**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

I found out real quick that night that anxiety was something that didn't go away that quickly. All there really was to do was cope with it. Anxiety was something that was there until it decided enough was enough. It was something that could turn your stomach at the drop of a dime. Rob you of sleep, and make damn sure you were generally uncomfortable in your own skin.

I felt sick. Too warm, and it was all I could do to keep from throwing up. I recognized this feeling, so I knew it wasn't caused by the medication wearing off. It was caused by the panic I always felt before. The anxiety that I'd been rid of for the passed three days. I wasn't even sure when the medication wore off, but I knew the third time I woke up that I had to keep taking it, or I'd probably be this way for the rest of my life. Just for the week Carlisle told me to.

I sat there at the kitchen table somewhere close to dawn, my hands around a warm cup of tea. I heard the words Carlisle didn't say as he and Esme sat across from me. Jasper and Alice standing behind them.

"I know." I finally sighed, "I'll start taking it again. I just wanted to see what would happen. I thought maybe.. It went away."

"Just keep it up for a week." Carlisle instructed, "After that, we'll try skipping a day. It's alright, Leandra. You were curious." I felt better at his words, nodding a little.

"The week started over, didn't it?" I asked, looking up.

"Essentially." He replied, giving a small nod. I sighed and reached forward, grabbing the bottle sitting on the table. A hand suddenly covering mine before I could lift it made me jump, giving a quiet yelp. Jasper met my eyes, and I looked down.

"Before you take this again." He started, "I want to know." He took the seat to Esme's right, his eyes on me, "What happened earlier?"

"Earlier?" Carlisle asked, and I knew then Jasper hadn't told him.

"I haven't seen anything going wrong." Alice added, "So I'm curious."

"It wasn't the boys you had to worry about." I admitted with a sigh, finally looking to Jasper, "It was them. Edward and Bella."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jasper asked patiently, and I shrugged a little bit.

"I figured Alice would say something if it was anything to worry about." I answered, "All I know, is as soon as they turned, I knew something was going to happen. I still do."

"And you let them leave?" Jasper asked, and I looked down. When he put it that way, I felt horrible.

"I'll keep an eye out." Alice assured me, noticing how I felt, "It's okay, Leandra. You're still learning. Just.. Next time you have a feeling like this, I want you to say something. It's going to be pretty touch and go until you get the hang of it, and until we learn what your gift entails, but we'll figure it out."

"I still don't get it." I said, "This is just crazy. I don't think I have any gift at all. I'm just some paranoid kid that expects the world to fall on her head. That's it." I was getting frustrated. Irritated that everybody seemed to think I was gifted.

"Leandra." Alice murmured, shaking her head a little.

"It's true." I said, standing, "Every time I've gotten that feeling has a perfectly rational explanation. It's only a coincidence that something just so happened to happen after, or would have happened if I didn't say anything. I was nervous that day before Port Angeles. There was a lot going on then. My dad? It had been rainy. How was I supposed to know what would happen? Josh's birthday? I just didn't want to go back to getting glared at by Andrew, which I took that walk to get away from. Yesterday.."

I sighed, shrugging, "I don't know, but I do know there's an explanation for that too. You tell me why I had that feeling. Until then, just stop. I'm normal, boring. There's nothing gifted about me, but my amazing ability to get myself into trouble, and somehow give a family of vampires a headache." I lifted the bottle of pills in an irritated motion, "Until I see some solid proof, I'm not believing it. That's it. End of story."

I left the room in a huff, striding through the living room.

"There's her temper." Emmett commented with a quiet chuckle, "Expecting a monthly visit?"

"Shut up."

I entered my room, closing the door firmly behind myself. It bothered me that they would try to tell me I was something I wasn't. What I was stuck considering now were two options. The first, it was some cruel joke, hoping I'd believe them. That didn't seem probable.

The second, being that they were looking for any reason that would make keeping me worthwhile. Searching for any excuse to make what all they'd gone through because of me worth it. That had to be it.

I found the more I sat there, staring at the bottle of pills in my hand, the more upset I got. I'd promised that I'd try harder, and I did. I did everything they'd asked of me. I hadn't caused as many problems since I'd made that promise. Hardly any, in fact. Sure, there was the whole not sleeping thing. Maybe that bothered them more than they let on?

But because of that, would they really feel the need to make me being here worth it? Worth the trouble, and worth the aggravation, at the expense of my feelings? Maybe I was more of a problem than I thought before. Maybe I hadn't made a good enough impression with Tanya and her family. Maybe misbehaving the night before had been the final straw. Maybe it really wasn't okay like Carlisle told me it was.

I was aware that I was overthinking again, but with each passing thought, I was less inclined to take another pill. The more I thought, the more I came to realize. They were just trying to find a reason to keep me. The more I came to realize that these pills weren't just to control my anxiety. It definitely did that, but they were also turning me into someone I didn't know. Into someone easier to manage.

That realization hurt. It stung in the worst way. How could I be so stupid? They weren't trying to make me feel better. They were trying to make themselves feel better, by making me behave. And I walked right into it like I was blind.

"You should have adopted a dog!" At the last word, I threw the bottle of pills across the room. It hit the door unimpressively, bouncing back a bit and hitting the floor with a quiet rattle. Standing, I quickly pulled a pair of jeans over my pajama bottoms, pulled on my shoes, and left my room. Almost running into Alice standing there.

"Leandra," She murmured soothingly, "Just slow down for a second."

"Where is she going?" Emmett asked, surprised.

"Nowhere." Alice answered as Jasper, Esme and Carlisle all entered the room from the kitchen.

"I need to take a walk." I grumbled, "I need to think."

"That is exactly what you _don't_ need to do." She replied, "You're already thinking too much. I can see it."

"I think I know what I need more than you do, Alice." I snapped at her, reaching for my jacket.

"Leandra, just hold on." She tried again, taking my hand in hers. I yanked it back, pulling my hand from hers roughly.

"So what? Now I'm not allowed to leave?" I snapped, narrowing my eyes.

"Not until you tell me what on earth is going through your head." She replied calmly. I was done playing nice. Now that I'd seen the truth, I was mad. Hurt, but mostly angry. More at myself than them, that I hadn't seen it before.

How could I have made the _same_ mistake? Not realizing how much trouble I'd been, or caused?

I may have been more mad at myself, but I was still plenty mad at them. For telling me that medication was for my own good, instead of the truth. That it was for their own benefit. Making me more like the kid I knew they wanted, instead of the kid they got.

"I know what this might seem like to you, but I promise. You've got it all wrong-"

"You don't know everything!" I found myself shouting without even realizing I was mad enough to, "You can't fix this!" She stood there, surprised into stillness. I took my chance. Turning, I left the house. Leaving my jacket behind.

"Where are you going?" I heard her ask behind me from the porch. I hadn't decided yet, which was the only reason she had to ask. I just wanted to go. Anywhere but here.

"Who cares?" I called back.

"When will you be back?"

"Whenever the fuck I feel like." I heard her quiet curse. Knowing I was being watched by more than one person on the porch now, but I didn't look back.

"Jazz." She called, "Let her go." I hadn't even reached the drive yet, when he was suddenly there. I stopped walking, but I didn't look at him at first.

"Turn right around, because you're not going anywhere." He told me evenly, "Not until we have a chance to talk to you." I met his eyes, glaring as he glared at me. We stared each other down, but I wasn't giving in this time. I thought hard. What would be the one thing that would ensure he kept his distance? That most of them did?

I calmly kneeled briefly, picking up a rather sharp stick, and roughly but quickly brought it across my palm. Splitting the skin easily. Just barely enough to bleed a drop, but it worked. Him being downwind of me, it worked. He instantly narrowed his eyes and took a step back.

I was done being nice.

I stood up, gave him a look, meeting his suddenly black eyes again with a glare of my own. I kept my eyes on his, daring him to come close enough to stop me from leaving as I stepped passed him. It really was a mean thing to do, but I didn't care. I needed my space, and that was the only way I could get it.

"Let her go." Alice called again.

I continued on. Feeling him watching after me. Not only was it mean, it was also very dangerous. I knew when I got back I would get into so much trouble for that, but again, I didn't care. Right then, I didn't care about anything.

As I walked through town, though, I began to care. What I'd done was the equivallent to slapping Jasper in the face. Hurting him, only because I wanted to walk away, but what I kept trying to make myself forget, was that I was hurt too. They'd been trying to feed me false hope. False hope that I was actually worth more than just some annoying little moody human. Then trying to change me into someone I wasn't. I had never been easy to handle. They'd known that, but doing all they could to change that told me they weren't happy with the way I was. They didn't want to accept me the way I was.

That was a big deal for me.

I still didn't know where I was going, but when I wound up near Josh's house, I decided. It would put Alice at ease, at least, knowing where I was. As much as I figured they didn't need the peace of mind, I wanted to be around them more than I wanted to wander alone.

It was still early in the morning, so when I knocked and Mike told me they were still sleeping, I asked to come in anyway. He allowed me in, and I went upstairs.

Stepping quietly into Josh's room, I discovered that Andrew had spent the night. He and Zack lay sleeping on his floor, so as quietly as I could, I kicked off my shoes, climbed onto Josh's bed, and laid down next to him. Nearest the wall.

He stirred just a little, rolled over halfway and looked at me. I looked at him, hoping he didn't say anything. I didn't need any questions asked, and I didn't want a big deal made. Thankfully, he seemed to sense that. Even in his half asleep state, I saw understanding in his eyes. I didn't know what my eyes told him, but it was enough. Not saying a word, he rolled over fully to face me, and all he did was lift up the blanket, allowing me under.

I scooted closer, and cuddled in the blanket next to him. Facing each other. Somehow without me feeling claustrophobic, I was able to lay there. Comforted by how close he was, instead of bothered.

I closed my eyes, a tear escaping before I could catch it. I was always more emotional when I was tired, and I was grateful he didn't pay any attention to that. I sighed, allowing myself to sleep. Just a little.

Somehow, he'd managed to move without me noticing, because I woke a little later to his voice beside me.

"Leandra?" He called, "Your dad is coming to take you home." I jumped up, wide awake. No he's not. I wasn't ready to face the discipline yet. I scooted to the end of the bed, and grabbed my shoes.

"Thanks for letting me stay." I told him, "Really. I'm sorry for waking you up. What time is it?"

"Just passed noon." He replied, surprised, "What's going on?"

"I'm just.." I pulled on my shoes as quickly as I could, "On my own for a little bit." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes the best I could and jumped up. Running for the door. Leaving Josh standing there, confused.

Down the stairs and out the front door, I had to think. I'd never attempted this before. Where could I go that he wouldn't look for me too hard, or maybe even lose my scent? Not possible in a town this small. I would need a whole lot of people, and even Port Angeles didn't offer enough. If I had any hope of getting lost, Seattle would only be big enough. That was if I even got there, or was brave enough to go there.

Instead of going somewhere obvious, I decided to duck into a the general store. It was a small building, just for a little while. Enough people came and went from here enough to cover my scent on the outside. Hopefully. It was the only general store in town, so I could only hope.

I knew escaping Carlisle was only going to make it worse, but I also knew it wasn't going to be that bad. I also could have been mistaken. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't believe what I'd done. That was, by far, the stupidest thing I'd ever done. What would have happened had Jasper not been in one hundred percent control? That would have been a backfire that I never would have seen coming.

I stepped slowly through the aisles, trying hard to make it look like I had no intention of stealing anything. Because I really didn't. I was just here to hide for a bit. Until I was sure Carlisle would have enough time to get there, find out I ran, and leave again. I'd go back. If I wasn't caught between here and there.

After about thirty minutes, I suddenly saw my opening. Out of the large front windows, I noticed that the midday sun had made an appearance. I went running for the door, being watched carefully by the cashier at the register.

"I didn't steal anything. Bye." I called behind me. Right. That was believable.

I ran along the front, and rounded the sidewalk. I actually had no idea if I was being followed or not, but I didn't want to test it by taking my time. I ran the entire couple of blocks to Josh's, finding the three of them out front.

"Hi, guys." I panted, landing beside them, to their surprise.

"Are you in trouble, or something?" Josh asked, and I instantly shook my head.

"No." I replied, "Why?"

"Oh, I don't know." He muttered, "Showing up at seven-thirty in the morning. Out of the blue. Running off when I tell you your dad is coming to pick you up. He shows up, looking for you, then fifteen minutes after he leaves, you're back again. Is something wrong?"

"Nope." I said, "Let's go inside."

"But-"

"Let's go inside." I said again, giving him a smile.

"Leandra," Zack spoke up now, "He said to tell you if we see you that he's not mad. He really wasn't. So whatever it is-"

"Please?" I whined, and they all three sighed. I knew he couldn't come back here unless someone called to tell him I was here. At least, not right away. Though I was certain he knew I was back here.

I was followed into the house, deciding to head upstairs. Just so Mike didn't see me here. I was followed up there as well, sighing once I was in Josh's room.

"So," Josh muttered as Andrew closed the door, "What? Are you running away?"

"No." I said, "No. I just.. I don't know." I sighed, sitting down, "It's hard to explain."

"Did you have a fight with them or something?" Zack asked, and I bit my lip a little.

"I guess you could say that." I mumbled, looking at the palms of my hands. The faded pink line reminding me of what I'd done. I shook my head, sighing again.

"I'm sure it's okay." Zack told me, "Carlisle really didn't seem mad. I was right there."

"It's hard to explain." I repeated, standing, "I just.. Can't go back. Not right away. So don't tell anyone I'm here, okay?" All three nodded, "Your dad won't notice, will he?"

"Doubtful." Josh laughed, "He's pretty unobservant."

"How long are you staying?" Zack asked, and I sighed in thought.

"I don't know." I said, "But I'll make sure that if I'm caught, I'll take the trouble for it." I had no doubts that I'd be caught. I could feel it in my stomach, that I couldn't hide out here forever. As much as I wanted to avoid what waited for me at home, I also knew that it would be best to just get it over with.

I stayed there for the rest of the day. The daylight fading, and night falling fully. I could almost sense it. Carlisle was coming back for me. I paid no attention to that, refusing to believe it was anything more than just knowing the obvious.

Minutes later, the knock at the bedroom door came, and I scrambled under Josh's bed in record time. Shoving shoes and boxes out of my way to do so. Having been preparing myself to do this since the daylight first faded.

"Wow." He muttered, surprised, "Just.. Don't look around too much under there."

"Shut up." I whispered, "I'm not going to."

Seconds later, the door opened, and Mike stepped in. Followed by another pair of shoes I recognized. He definitely knew I was here.

"Boys." Mike sighed, "If any of you know where she is, you've got to say something. This isn't some game. This is serious."

"I know, dad." Josh replied. Clamping both hands over my nose and mouth, I had to hide a sneeze. It was pretty dusty under there, and I was lucky I managed to keep it silent.

"She didn't say _anything_ about where she was going?" Mike asked, "I really hate to think about her out there on her own." I had no idea Mike cared either way, so that was a surprise.

"You don't have to worry about that, I think." Zack murmured, and Josh hit him in the shoulder.

"Zack, if you know where she is.." Mike was suddenly firm, "I mean it. You speak up." He waited, and I knew all three of them were looking to each other. Any second now, someone was going to say something.

I stayed under the bed, though. What was I hiding from? The only answer I could find in my head was my own shame. I hated what I'd done, and I was only hiding from how ashamed I was at doing it. I couldn't face Carlisle. Not after that blatant act of disrespect.

Nature, however, had other plans.

I felt a tickling sensation over my folded arms, and looked down, spotting a rather large spider making its way over my skin. I gave a yelp and clawed my way out from under the bed in a fury of smacking hands, hitting my head several times.

"What?" Mike asked, surprised at seeing me, "How long has she been under there?"

"How long has it been since you _cleaned_ under there?" I demanded, looking up at Josh. They all three seemed surprised that I would choose then to come out. Fuck. All eyes were on me.

"I mean it." Mike said, even firmer, "How long has she been under there? One of you out with it, or I swear I will start knocking some heads together."

"All day." Zack sighed finally, and I kept my eyes on the floor. I couldn't make myself look up if I wanted to. I was still in search of the spider. I saw no evidence of it dead, so I had to assume it was still alive. I suddenly remembered about my promise.

"It was me." I mumbled, "I asked to stay."

"Why wouldn't you tell your parents?" Mike asked, and I shrank a little, "Or at least me. Jesus, kid."

"I don't know." I replied quietly, "So it's not their fault. It's mine. Don't be mad at them."

"Leandra." I closed my eyes at Carlisle's voice, "I'd like a word."

Of course he would. He really didn't sound happy. I slowly picked myself up off the floor, and walked passed him out into the hall. He asked Mike to come out as well, to my surprise. Shutting the door behind us.

Speaking to Mike first, he sighed, "If it's alright with you, I think I should let her stay tonight." Mike seemed confused, "Because after tonight, it'll be a _very_ long time before she sees any of them again." Mike nodded slowly in understanding, and I looked down.

"Yeah, that's fine with me." Mike replied, looking to me as well, "Pretty fitting too, if you ask me. I would do the same if either of my boys decided to pull what you did, Leandra. I'd tan their hides, too. Thoroughly." I bit my lip, keeping my eyes on the floor. They were both quiet now, until Carlisle spoke again.

"I'll be here by nine tomorrow to pick you up." Carlisle told me, "And I'm counting on you to be here. We'll talk tomorrow, but for tonight, you can stay here."

"She won't be getting passed me." Mike assured him, "Don't worry about that. The chase ends here, young lady." That sounded to me like a challenge. Not getting passed him? We'd see about that.

"Go on. I'd like a word." Carlisle allowed me to leave, so I turned, heading back into the room. As soon as I closed the door, all three of them were around me.

"So?" Zack asked.

"I can stay tonight." I replied quietly, "But after that, it's gonna be awhile."

"Damn." Josh sighed along with the others, "Grounded."

"Yeah." I sighed, sitting on his bed, "He's coming back tomorrow to pick me up."

"He's trusting you not to run?" Josh asked, laughing a little. I looked down.

"I hate running." I replied, "But I just.. Really don't want to face home right now. Before you ask, it was my fault. I did something really, _really_ stupid, and I'm dreading the consequences of that."

"So it's not like.." Zack mumbled, "They're mean to you or anything?"

"No." I said firmly, "No, that's not it at all. Not even close. The opposite." I closed my eyes, hanging my head, "They were just trying to help me yesterday, but I didn't listen. I was _so_ mad, though." I shut myself up, looking up at Andrew briefly before looking back down, "The point is, I was in the wrong yesterday. Not them."

I didn't want to say too much, and have it used against me later. I was careful now.

"I know tomorrow won't go well." I mumbled, "I really don't want to go through that."

"Have you ever.." Zack trailed off, "You know.. Thought about just letting them win?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well.." He sighed, "If you know you're in the wrong, and you know what you did was stupid, you don't have to argue with them. Sometimes it's easier to just let them yell at you, send you to your room, and let that be it."

"I never thought of that." I admitted, "I really don't know if I could do that, but I'll try it."

We stayed up pretty late that night, and I found the longer I sat up with them, the more I already started to miss them. Well passed four in the morning, I wasn't surprised when Zack fell asleep on the floor first, followed quickly by Andrew. I'd promised to wake them up before I had to leave in the morning.

"So.." Josh murmured, "You can't explain what happened at all?"

"No." I sighed, already tired of that question, "I can't."

"Just checking." He replied, looking away. Our voices were quiet, considering it was just me and him sitting up now.

"You can sleep." I told him, "If you're tired. I'm used to staying up, so I can."

"Yeah right." He said, "And miss your last night of freedom? I'm awake as long as you are." I smiled a little, shrugging a bit. He was quiet for a minute before he spoke again, "You still have nightmares, huh?"

"Sometimes." I admitted, "Did I bother you?"

"No." He said, "I just noticed today that when you were asleep, you weren't asleep. Just resting. Yesterday, I thought you were doing better."

"I was." I replied, "But that's a long story, that-"

"You can't tell me." He nodded a little, "It's okay."

"I wish I could." I offered, "I really do, but.. It's complicated."

"It's fine." He assured me, "I'm not gonna freak out like Andrew did. I think everybody deserves just a couple of their own secrets, you know? Andrew.. The way he acts makes me think he wants to own you. Don't get me wrong, he's one of my best friends, but I don't agree with the way he obsesses. He's still got a lot of growing up to do. He's still trying to get used to being a guy. I keep telling him to slow down, to back off a little, but.. I don't know." He paused, "I just think you have your own certain things you just want you to know. Not everybody else, and I'm cool with that. The world isn't going to end if you don't tell me, so don't worry, okay?"

I couldn't help it. I leaned over a little, laying my head on his shoulder. He stiffened ever-so-slightly, but didn't make a big deal out of it.

"And don't worry." He said, "Being grounded usually doesn't last forever. I'll keep them in line until you can come back."

I smiled a little, "Thanks. They need it." He laughed quietly.

I had the craziest thought enter my mind, and it really threw me off. I frowned a little, lifting my head off his shoulder. The fact that this thought would cross my mind at all, especially at a time like this didn't make the slightest sense to me.

"What's wrong?" He asked, seeing my expression. I really didn't know how to word it, so I just did it instead.

Leaning forward quickly, I kissed him. It was his turn to be shocked, and given his expression, I'd done it right. I blushed just as much as when he did it, however, and suddenly felt extremely embarrassed.

"Uh.." I mumbled, "Okay. Good night." I laid down, my back to him.

It took him a moment, but he eventually laid down behind me. Could I really have made things any more complicated? _Why_ had I done that?

I did manage to sleep a little. Or as Josh put it, rest.

I was awake by seven thirty, and I sat there for an hour, thinking about what I did only a few hours before and what lay ahead of me, watching as all three of the others woke up.

I had thirty minutes to make a decision. Run again, or be good, and stay here. I knew what I faced when I got home, and to be honest, I really wasn't looking forward to it. But I also knew I couldn't run forever. To be fair, though, Mike had challenged me.

So what did I do? I hugged them all, and I ran. Leaving them shaking their heads behind me. Mike was in the kitchen as I silently descended the stairs, and left the house. With a split decision like this, I had at least a couple of minutes head start. With that, I started my run. As fast as I could, headed for the highway.

It took me quite awhile to make it to the turn off I needed, almost leaving Forks behind. I could only hope he was still home.

Unfortunately, I didn't get that far.

Trying to take a shortcut through the trees was exactly what not to do to avoid getting caught. Not with only slightly above average human speed. One second I was hopping over a fallen tree, trying not to lose my balance, and the next, I was wrapped up in arms I immediately recognized.

"Caught ya, shorty." Emmett murmured above my struggles, "Nice try, though." I gave up after only a few seconds, thoroughly out of breath.

"I know." I whined after a minute of him just standing there, holding me, "I know I messed up."

"You have no idea, shorty." He told me, "Breathe in as much fresh air as you can now, because it'll be your thirtieth birthday before you feel it again."

"Then let me go." I groaned, struggling again.

"And where will you go?" He asked, "Bouncing around between two houses? Maybe three? What kind of life would that be? Come on. So.." He sighed, starting his walk, "I'm taking you home where we can discuss this properly." I struggled again and he laughed, "Easy there, shorty. Jasper's calmed down quite a bit."

He took his time taking me home, and by the time we arrived, Carlisle was just standing from the car. Emmett set me down, and I immediately tried to run again. His arm circled my stomach, lifting me a little.

"Come on, shorty." Emmett sighed, putting his arm around me, and pulling me into his side, "You've put off this talk for long enough."

To my surprise, I had actually started to cry. I looked up at him and he gave me a small, supportive smile. He steered me inside after Carlisle, and we stepped into the living area. As soon as I spotted Jasper on the couch, I ducked out from under Emmett's arm and spun, ready to run toward my room.

"Hold it." I actually slid a little in my effort to stop at Jasper's almost shout, "Don't I deserve at least an explanation?" I bit my lip, my hand on the wall. I took a deep breath and slowly turned. Keeping my eyes down.

"I don't want to fight." I mumbled eventually.

"Great." He said, "Because neither do I. Now that I know what you're capable of doing when you don't get your way." He was mad. I had expected this.

The whole family watched me, and I really felt uncomfortable. I resisted the urge to bite my lip again, as they were getting sore with how often I'd done that already.

"I'm-"

"I know you are." He countered, "You're sorry. But this is bigger than that, Leandra. This is more than what just one word can fix. Do you have _any_ idea what could have happened?" I stayed quiet, "Do you have _any_ idea what that would have done to me had I not had control over myself?" Again, I stayed quiet. Unable to help biting my lip this time, "Not only was that the single most foolish thing I've ever seen _anybody_ do, it was dangerous, and unspeakably selfish." I closed my eyes, hanging my head. I'd never expected that.

I nodded a little, moving to turn.

"I'm not done." He called, and I paused, staying right where I was.

"Sorry." I mumbled. I moved along the wall, and sat slowly on a bench against the wall. I didn't know how much more I could take. I was trying to take Zack's advice, but I knew better. This wasn't going to end well. I knew that instantly.

"So." Jasper continued, "Can I have an explanation?" He paused, "What on earth was so important that made you feel that you had to do that?" I stayed quiet, keeping my eyes on my hands, "Leandra?"

I choked a little on a quiet sob, shaking my head as a handful of tears scattered down my cheeks.

"Jasper." Esme murmured, trying to stick up for me.

"I want to know." Jasper wasn't backing down, "I understand that you were angry, Leandra, but that is _no_ excuse. You're old enough to know better." That was it. I couldn't stay quiet anymore.

"I know!" I finally shouted, standing, "Okay? I know!"

"No, not okay." He replied, "You know better than that."

"I know I do, but you wouldn't let me go any other way! I said I was sorry!"

"What was so important?" He demanded, standing as well, "I want to hear your reasons, Leandra. Not an apology." I glanced around, seeing that everyone else was just as curious, "I want to know the cause of your sudden tantrum."

"Tantrum?" I asked, "Why is it every time I feel something, it's suddenly a fucking tantrum?"

"Language, Leandra." Esme corrected quietly.

"What about it?" I shouted in her direction, instantly gaining everyone's full attention. Signified by their shocked expressions. I had never shouted at Esme before. Never. Not in the way I just had, and I honestly didn't mean to shout at her the way I just had. I clenched my fists, turning.

"Fix it." Jasper demanded, "Now."

"What's the goddamn point?" I shouted, "You stand there accusing me, when I only did what I had to do!"

"Had to do?" Jasper replied, "Really?"

"Yes." I replied, "I had to show you. This is me! Nobody promised you I'd be easy to handle! You knew that! Feeding me some fucking pills isn't going to change that!"

"Hold on." Emmett spoke up, "You think-"

"I know." I countered, "Making me take that shit just to make me into someone _you_ think I should be! Feeding me pills, and lies about some stupid fucking gift that I don't have, just to make it worth your goddamn time to keep me! Well, if you don't want me, then just say it! I'm not here to waste your precious time!"

"You couldn't be more wrong." Carlisle spoke from beside Esme, "I promise-"

"Promises!" I shouted as loud as I could, "Nothing but promises that never come through! I'm not taking that shit anymore! I didn't know who the hell I was, and that's where I draw the goddamn line!"

"Language!" Jasper's voice wasn't quite a shout, but it was louder than mine.

"Why?" I shouted back at him, "What the fuck is the point? Who the fuck is going to care? I'm not around the humans anymore! And the ones I am around don't care. But now, I'm not even going to see them anymore, so what's the use in holding back?"

"For good reason." Carlisle spoke again, "You're not around them for good reason. Leandra, you need to learn some discipline."

"Drugging me wasn't enough?" I snapped back at him.

"You're out of line, Leandra." Jasper warned, shaking his head. I turned my eyes back to him.

"_Hitting_ me won't shut me up forever, Jasper!" I watched his eyes widen a little, "I know what I did to you was selfish, but it's about damn time I start thinking about myself! Everybody else already is! Trying to give me false hope that I'm worth something, just to make yourselves feel better! Making me give in about something I was _really_ against just to ease your own goddamn pain! Well, I'm done swallowing it! The lies, or the pills! You and I both know I'm worthless! I'm broken! Damaged, and you can't fix me! So yes, I'm fucking selfish! That's the way I am, and you can either accept that, or.. Not. I don't know. But don't you _dare_ try to change who I am! Because I'll fight you every step of the fucking way!"

Nobody said a word at first. The silence was almost suffocating after the heat of my words. I stood there, staring at him from my spot by the wall. Defensive as I've always been.

"Fine." Jasper finally spoke, "You want to act like a caged animal your entire life? I won't stand in your way." He stood there for a moment longer, and I half expected him to continue. I watched, glaring after him as Jasper turned instead, and left the room. Alice quickly scooting after him. The slamming of the front door had me look around again.

"Anything _else_?" I demanded, and I watched as Carlisle only shook his head. Also leaving the room. Much slower than Jasper had, but it made more of a statement.

"Shorty." Emmett murmured, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked, "You want to start in, too? I didn't ask to be this way, Emmett! I didn't even ask to be fucking born, so just lay the fuck off!"

I turned, storming toward my room. Before I could reach it, my arm was taken roughly. Almost yanking me to a stop. I was tired, and just wanted to be left alone, so I spun again, laying an open handed slap against Rosalie's cheek. She hadn't expected the action, which was the only way I managed to succeed at all. Although, I wasn't sure if that was succeeding at all. Only making things worse.

She was shocked, and I hid my pain well as I held her gaze unwaveringly. When she didn't let me go, I yanked my arm from her hand roughly, pushing her away from me the best I could. Emmett was suddenly there right as I turned, continuing on toward my room. Probably to hold her back.

"Holy shit, shorty. Are you crazy?" Emmett asked after me, but I didn't stop. Slamming the door as hard and loudly as I could, I locked with trembling fingers. Arguing out in the hallway told me Emmett was trying to talk her out of coming in here and returning the favor.

"Fuck." I gasped as quietly, holding my hand to myself. It felt exactly like hitting a stone boulder as hard as I could with my bare hand. Pain throbbed ruthlessly up my entire arm into my shoulder. The bruising I already had told me how stupid of a move that really was. I gasped in quiet sobs of pain, finally making myself move away from the door.

I crossed the room before sitting on the floor, beside the other side of the bed, my back to the door. Holding my arm to myself, I clenched my teeth around the pain, forcing myself to keep breathing.

The longer I sat in there, the more I realized. Everything I'd said, the accusations I'd thrown couldn't be taken back. I cried, sure, but this time, I wouldn't try to take anything back.

Every word I'd shouted was exactly how I felt, so there was no reason to.

**A/N: Whoa. Really. Like.. Wow.  
I apologize if this is a little 'choppy' in some places. I had way too many ideas for this chapter at once, and typed it out the best I could in such a short amount of space. My ideas don't stop here, so don't be surprised if the next chapter is a little 'choppy' like this one. I also apologize that this one is a bit shorter than the others. I tried my best. (:  
THANK YOU to my fabulous reviewers! I love you all! LoveLoveLoveLove! I wish this thing had heart icons.  
I probably won't be writing tomorrow (the 25th), as it's my 6th year marriage anniversary, so I'll be spending it with the hubby. So expect chapter nine to take a bit longer to come out. But it'll hopefully be just as awesome as this one.  
Stay tuned!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

I was in there for a little under an hour. Now seated cross-legged on my bed, I continued to hold my hand to myself, thinking.

Forcing myself to breathe deeply, the pain in my hand reminding me how different I was compared to them. I'd never hurt myself hitting someone else before. Definitely not with just a slap.

After a few minutes, I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. Why did it seem to me like I couldn't even have a simple conversation with them without losing it? I knew that wasn't the case, but I hated how quickly I could lose my temper.

With a sigh, I realized why I hated it so much. It reminded me too much of Jack.

The way I yelled, for something so small. How I could go from a little upset, to angry and yell very hurtful things really bothered me. Like Jasper had pointed out. Like a caged animal. How I could just turn on those I cared about most without a second thought.

Looking down at my blanket, I wondered just how much he taught me. It had been a problem before, and I realized it still was. I realized it was getting worse. Meaner. Before it was more directed at humans and their stupidity. Now it was more and more being directed toward my family. I hated myself for it, but hating myself wasn't going to change it.

This was a problem.

A problem I had no idea how to go about fixing. It was as if the longer I was here, the less human I became. I knew that wasn't literally the case, and I knew that I was just as human as I always was, but how I acted didn't seem that way. I was mean, plain and simple. I always had been, and it didn't seem like such a problem before, but now it did. Now I was turning on my family. Now I was throwing things back at them just the way I hated having done to me. Now I was tearing my skin, just to get them away from me.

Why would I do that? I didn't want that. I never wanted that. I was pushing, shoving them away like they didn't mean anything to me.

I had meant every word I'd said, it was true, but I didn't have to yell it like that. I was slowly beginning to realize. It had dawned on me that what Jack had told me when the summer began was true. I remembered his words, his tone of voice.

_"You're not going to _let it go_. You know why? Because you'll always remember me. Every time you look at yourself. That hate is in you, little girl, and it'll always be there. I know, because I put it there."_

_"You'll always hate me, and I know one day, it's going to be too much for you."_

_"I put that hate in you, and one day, if you live that long, you're going to beat _your_ child, and I'll be there. In every hit, you'll remember me."_

I hadn't paid his words much mind back then, but I certainly did now because he was right. He was right, and I couldn't deny it anymore. I hadn't let it go. I couldn't let it go. Not when it was still hurting me to this day. I'd left that life behind, the life of hatred and anger. I'd left it behind over a year and a half ago now, and yet, I was still learning from him. I was still being taught that hate, and how very, _very_ easy it was to hurt the ones I loved. Whether I wanted to or not, I would. Unable to help it, unable to change.

I gave a quiet sob and lowered my head, my uninjured hand reaching up and knotting in my hair. I hated Jack. With every fiber of my being, and what he taught me was that it was impossible to let it go. I would always hate him until that hate ruined every part of my life.

I sat in my room and waited. I waited for the time when someone, probably Carlisle, would come in and tell me how horrible I was.

I looked up at the door opening as if it'd never been locked. An hour before, I would have minded. It didn't surprise me that Carlisle came in alone. Not with how iffy I was today. He sighed, sitting on the side of the bed. I let him take my wrist and bring my hand to himself.

It was quiet for a minute or two as he looked over my hand, and he sighed again.

"Leandra, I know you were upset earlier." He told me, "But do you remember what I said about shouting things you didn't mean?"

"I meant them." I corrected quietly, "I meant every single word." He looked up, meeting my eyes.

"Let me explain something to you." He finally sighed, reaching beside himself to grab an ace wrap, "Just listen for a moment. Can you do that without interrupting me?" I nodded, letting him know I'd try, "You've fallen under the false impression that we somehow disapprove of the way you are." I bit my lip, wanting to interrupt, but I stayed quiet. Waiting for him to continue.

"But that's all it is. A very false impression. I can understand how you came to that conclusion, and I'm sorry. Jasper wasn't trying to ease his own pain, Leandra. He was trying so hard to ease yours. From the moment you met him, he's done nothing but try to help you."

I winced a little at a particularly painful wrap around my fingers, "All he's ever had in mind is your welfare. He was the one torn when the question came to leave. Everyone else was divided either way, but he was the one unable to decide."

I looked down, "This medication, Leandra, wasn't meant to make you into someone manageable. It was to help you continue on with your life. The path you were on was one way. You were nearing your limit, Leandra, and that's not something we take lightly. Not when it comes to someone we love so dearly. Jasper saw, he knew how hard of a time you were having, and he wanted so badly to help you. That is the only reason he pressured you the way he did. Not for himself, but for you."

I stayed quiet.

"And believe me, nobody wants you to remain yourself more than I do." He continued, "I'm not trying to change a thing about you, but your burden." He sighed, securing the wrap tightly and gently setting my hand back on my own knee, "You have your opinions, Leandra, and I won't try to convince you otherwise. Just do me a favor. While you're in here, think about them, but.." He sighed and stood.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the punishment part of what he was going to say.

"You're free to come and go as you please." That surprised me enough to look up at him quickly, "Nobody will attempt to stop you again, and grounding you will only be the opposite of helpful. I see that now. You won't be followed, and Alice will stop watching out for you. You're on your own as soon as you leave the porch, but you'll always be welcome back. I'm trying a new tactic with you, and I can only hope it goes the way I want it to. Just please.." He paused, "_Please_ be careful. Wherever you go, be careful."

"Why?" I asked, standing. I was confused. This was new, and most certainly unexpected.

"What we saw today, Leandra." He explained, "That scared me. It told me we're holding you too tight, and that isn't working. Holding too tight, makes you fight too hard, and I don't like seeing that in you. So you may go, and all I'm asking is that you be careful."

I looked toward my bedroom door hesitantly, "I think I'd rather stay for now."

"Why is that?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Because Rosalie is out there." I replied and he smirked.

"And I'm waiting." I heard her call, "To knock your little eleven year old lights out." I whined and bit my lip, looking up at Carlisle. She called again, "It was a joke. Laugh."

"Is she serious?" I asked in a quiet whisper, and Carlisle shrugged, unable to keep from chuckling.

"Yes." I yelped at her voice in the doorway, "I'm seriously joking." I jumped, spinning to hide behind Carlisle, "It's now clear to me that you've got more bravery than brains, Leandra. I won't hit you, because that's painful enough." I peeked out from behind him, meeting her eyes briefly, "Not to mention your hand. Slapping me wasn't a smart idea, was it?" She was rubbing it in, but she had every right to. That was too far.

"I'm sorry." I offered, hoping that didn't piss her off, "I was just-"

"I know why you did it." She told me evenly, "Don't do it again. I won't be so nice next time, and hiding behind Carlisle won't save you." I nodded instantly, knowing she wasn't bluffing.

"It was her suggestion." Carlisle informed me, "To let you come and go."

"Just use your head." She sighed, rolling her eyes a bit, "It's not that hard."

"Thank you." I was shocked. Honestly surprised that she'd want to do anything nice for me at all. Especially after I hit her.

"It wasn't for your benefit." She replied, "Trust me. I just know what keeping you here would be like, and I'm tired of the fighting." She paused, "But if you get yourself into trouble, you're on your own. Remember that. And if you ever somehow get further than Seattle alone, I'll skin you myself. Am I clear?"

"Seattle?" I asked, surprised, "How far do you think I'm going?"

"Save it." She told me, "After long enough around here, you're going to want to wander further. You'll get creative." She went to turn, but paused, "Just.. Come back now and then, alright? At least let us know you're still alive." Her impatience with me was a little funny, but I didn't dare laugh.

She left, and I looked up at Carlisle.

"This is weird." I admitted, "I'm not sure if I like it. It feels too much like you're giving me away."

"Not at all." He replied, "I'm just trying to do what's best by you." I looked down, "Taking past events into consideration, Rosalie is right. Confining you is never the answer. If you're free to wander, I'm hoping it will give you the space you need to find yourself. Now that town is a safer place for you, I feel somewhat comfortable with letting you out on your own."

"So.." I mumbled hesitantly, "Nobody will follow me? I'll be completely on my own?"

"You'll be on your own." He agreed, "As much as that worries me, I know it's what you need. Only two conditions." I waited, "Carry this with you." He pulled out a cell phone from his pocket, and I smiled a little, hesitant to take it as I looked up at him, "Please? It'll make me feel better knowing you can call me at any time." I sighed, but reached up. Taking it from him.

"Never leave that here." I nodded, "And if you plan on leaving the town, come see me before you go. So I can make sure you have money on you before you go. I don't want you stranded somewhere without a way to get lunch." I nodded again, appreciating it.

I hadn't expected this outcome. I thought I'd only ensured a longer grounding with my behavior, but this was new.

He hadn't been wrong, though. This was what I needed. For a solid week, I did nothing but wander. Despite the fact that I actually had gotten that "monthly visitor", as Emmett had put it, the next day. Walking actually helped. Coming home by dark, of course.

I'd leave in the morning, and be home by dark, always too tired to stay up much longer than to eat something. I slept like I used to, while I took the medication. Dreamlessly, and hardly moving. My mood improved, which in turn, improved my attitude.

I had yet to talk to Jasper or even Alice, so I knew they'd still not quite forgiven me. Carlisle had, Esme had. Emmett did, even Rosalie had. I didn't try with Jasper. I gave him his space, as I knew he probably wanted. Avoiding even looking at him directly when I was home. Sneaking by when I had to cross by him. His cold shoulder was the most intense thing I'd ever felt. More so than Andrew's.

It was quite the cold shoulder. It was more like ignoring the fact that I was even there. It was more uncomfortable that way. He didn't seem mad anymore. Which made me wonder a little bit.

The boys started school on Wednesday, so I was on my own most of the day from then on. It had been awkward between me and Josh at first, but that faded quickly. He never mentioned what I'd done, and neither did I. It was just the same as it had always been. I knew if I'd kissed Andrew like that, outright, he would have been disappointed that I'd never mentioned it again. He wouldn't have let it go the way Josh had.

After a few days, Rose had been right. Seeing the same old stuff over and over, I wanted to see other things. So my wandering led me into the trees. I'd found a river, not unlike the one we had near our house, so I didn't doubt it was the same one. I'd sit beside it for hours, just watching the water. I'd sit there until the boys got let out of school, and I'd go meet them to walk home with them.

Friday or Saturday I didn't spend the night at the boys' house. I continued going home, because I knew that's what was acceptable. I didn't want to push my freedom too far. Sunday evening, I got home right on time. Like I usually did. I paused, seeing Jasper there. Sitting on the couch where Emmett usually sat. I took a quiet breath, ready to scoot away to my room. Like I usually did.

I got as far as directly in front of him before he reached out and took hold of my hand. I jumped, but turned. He turned my hand over, looking up at me at seeing the small tear in the skin I had on my palm.

"Sorry." I mumbled, "I tripped in the woods." He sighed, shook his head and let go of my hand, "I'll go cover it."

"Leandra, wait." I paused, looking back at him. He gestured to the empty couch beside him, so I slowly sat.

He took a few moments to gather his thoughts.

"From the moment I've met you, you've been a mystery." I looked down, "It's not easy for me to relate to you, because to be honest, I've never been in your place. I don't know what it's like living with those kinds of memories. I don't know what it's like growing up with what you have."

He paused, and I waited. Carefully tucking my hand behind my knee. Trying to hide it just a little bit.

"And what I don't relate to, I try to control." He continued, "It's just the way I am. I make no excuses, and I give no apologies. I'm only giving you an explanation. A reason for my behavior last week. I don't understand you, Leandra. You're just as much a mystery to me as I am, no doubt, to you. All I'm asking is for you to have a bit of patience with me while I try to understand you." I could do that.

"My expertise is with newborns. Not human children. Newborns, I've controlled before, and I know exactly what to do when they start acting the way you did. I cannot do that with you, as you're far more fragile. At a loss of what to do, I left the room. I hope you understand."

"I do." I replied, nodding a little.

"You don't act like others your age. Nobody expects what you'll do next, and that's both unsettling and fascinating at the same time. You're unpredictable, and we're bound to make mistakes. Giving you freedom, however, seems to be the right way to go. Although, I must admit, I'm pretty hesitant about getting my hopes up with you. One second, something seems to be working, and the next, it doesn't."

I frowned, "So wait. You're comparing how I acted, to a newborn?"

"You feel too much. We already knew that was a problem, but it just gets worse when you get worked up or cornered. When you're passionate about something, you really get going. I've never seen that in a human. Not once."

"Is that bad?" I asked, wincing a little.

He paused, hesitating just a moment, "It means that if it stays this way, or if it keeps getting worse as you get older, then you're going to be one hell of a newborn." I couldn't help laughing a little, "We're going to have trouble controlling you at first. Until we get used to the idea that you're not as fragile."

"I'm not fragile." I hated being considered so.

"You have no idea." He seemed to find that amusing. I sighed, and decided to let him have this one.

"So does this mean you don't hate me anymore?"

"I never hated you." He replied, surprised, "Not once. I was just waiting to approach the subject until I knew for sure you were open to it. Until I could approach it, I didn't want to attempt talking."

"I feel a little better now." I admitted, sighing.

"I'm glad." He chuckled quietly, "Leandra, something you'll eventually learn is that no matter what you do, we're not giving up. You have your issues, but we all do. Giving up on you would be unforgivable, because we don't give up on our family. Ever. No matter the circumstance."

"I'm starting to see that." I smiled a little, looking down.

"Just do me one favor." He requested, "Don't ever do that again."

"I won't." I agreed, "Not intentionally. Never again." I sighed, "I can't believe I did that. I knew right away how very stupid that was, and unfair. I'm sorry."

"I'd tell you it's alright, but it's really not." He sighed as well, "You got extremely lucky. I hope you realize that."

"I do." I nodded, laughing a little, "And on that note.." I trailed off, gesturing toward the bathroom. He nodded, letting me know I could go. I turned.

"Oh, one more thing." I looked back at him, "I just wanted to let you know that Alice still sees nothing going wrong. I thought you should know that."

"I told you." I said, "There's nothing special about me."

"Either way, you're far from ordinary, Leandra." He told me, standing, "That's another point you'll eventually learn."

"If you say so." I finally allowed, shrugging with a sigh. That was the best I was willing to do.

After that, I felt better about staying out later. Instead of getting home just as it started to get dark, that's when I started heading home. Then I waited until it was almost pitch dark before heading back.

It had almost been two weeks since the wedding, and since the fight the day after, there hadn't been another one, but just like Jasper, I was hesitant to trust it.

Friday, I was going to stay home, until my dad called. He was planning to take Lily to Seattle that morning, and wanted to know if I wanted to come along. I'd spent time with everybody else but them in the last two weeks, so I figured why not.

Thankfully, he picked me up instead of having me walk there. I hadn't been looking forward to that walk after wandering so many days in a row.

Since I wasn't going alone, Carlisle felt better about letting me go. He still insisted I take my phone with me, though. Just in case. I didn't argue. For the oddest reasons, it made me feel better to have it, and it wasn't so much, taking up hardly any room in my pocket. If it spared me an argument, I'd do it.

I hated Seattle, I quickly came to realize. I hated the city with a blazing passion, so it really didn't make any sense to me why I would dread leaving it. All leaving Seattle meant was that I was that much closer to being home. Yet dread burned in my stomach the moment we hit the highway, and it was so much worse this time than any other time.

The dread was squeezing me, suffocating until I really couldn't stand it anymore. It sickened me, literally, until I thought I was going to throw up. The feeling really wasn't fear. It wasn't nervousness. It was dread. Plain and simple, and I knew something wasn't right.

We were about half an hour from home when I had to speak up. I had to say something. We couldn't keep going. We _had_ to stop.

"Dad, stop the car." I mumbled, and he glanced over. Surprised at my suddenly extremely tense voice.

"What?" He asked, frowning, "Why?" We had to stop. Something was wrong, really wrong, and continuing on just made my stomach hurt worse.

"Just.. Do it, dad. Stop the car." He didn't seem to be slowing down, "Now, dad!"

Finally, he listened to me. Doing as I told him to, he pulled over to the far right shoulder, and looked to me as I looked back. I hadn't the slightest idea why I looked back, but I did. Something told me that's where it would start, whatever 'it' was, so I looked back.

"What are you yelling about?" Seconds after he asked that question, seconds after coming to a complete stop, I saw it. Around the sharp bend in the highway, a very obviously speeding dark red SUV raced by us. About twenty feet ahead, a deer had just jumped out onto the road.

"He's not going to see that." Before I even finished saying that, the obvious happened. Swerving to miss it, the sound of squealing tires met my ears, quickly followed by the sound of the SUV rolling several times. I'd closed my eyes tight, so I didn't see it happen.

Said deer, jumped away just in time, only to land in the path of another, larger vehicle. Who also swerved to miss it. Right in our direction, but had we been five more feet ahead, it would have hit us on its way toward the trees beside us. Finally stopping head on into one. It had been going much slower, so that guy wasn't seriously hurt.

As soon as the noises stopped, I jumped out.

"Leandra!" My dad called, "Get back in the car!"

"Help him!" I called back, pointing toward the other car, "And call someone!" I ran toward the SUV as fast as I could, hoping that driver wasn't dead.

It lay on its right side, and in order for me to see inside, I had to carefully climb up onto the side. He looked maybe seventeen. Old enough to know better, but too young to care. Given his groaning, he was alive. I looked around, knowing he wouldn't be in the time it took for someone to get there with how heavily he was bleeding. He was moving, but stuck. The seat belt was trapping him in his seat.

"Hold on." I told him. Every single one of the windows had been mostly shattered, so I lowered myself in through the back window. Unfortunately catching the skin of my upper arm on the edge of one jagged piece. I ignored it, wincing for only a moment.

Glass and blood were everywhere, and it was hard to see, but I managed to squeeze myself in between the front seats, standing awkwardly on the side of the SUV, and the passenger seat's armrest. Anyone bigger than myself would have been too big to do this.

He was moving, trying to free himself, so I knew he hadn't broken anything vital. He was just bleeding so much. Mainly from a long and deep gash near his hairline, and it was hard to see his face under all the blood. He was disoriented, which I knew wouldn't make my job any easier.

Looking around quickly, I needed something to be able to cut the seat belt from him. Pulling open the glove box, I spotted just the thing I needed. I was freaking out, but I forced myself to be calm. With shaking fingers, I opened the folded pocket blade and carefully slipped it between him and the tight belt. I braced myself for when he fell free, landing on me.

Tossing the blade away, I grunted, giving him as much of a boost as I could. He was a shaken up, quite a bit, but he was able to help me help him. At least a little. Thankfully, my dad was there to help him the rest of the way out. I paused before climbing out, looking around for any fabric that I could use to press over his heavily bleeding wounds. I found a jacket, but that was it. I grabbed the blade again, folded it closed, and wondered how I was supposed to climb out on my own when I was shaking so bad.

"Get out of there." My dad was back, offering his hand in to me.

"Be careful." I told him, "The glass is sharp." I gripped the folded knife in my teeth, stepping up onto the side of the center console.

I gained quite a few more minor cuts from the shards of glass still stuck in the window, but with his help, I managed to pry myself out.

The other driver was over now, keeping pressure over the kid's worse wounds, so my dad was able to help me down off the SUV, and to my feet. I breathed deeply the fresh air, glad to be out of there. I was covered from head to toe in blood, mostly the kid's. I looked worse than I really was.

"Are you okay?" My dad asked, kneeling beside me. His eyes were shocked, surprised. I saw the questions pressing him, but all I could do was nod. Telling him I'd be fine. Gesturing that he go to the other guy. Begging him silently, just to let me get my breath.

I shakily sat down with a lot of help from my dad, and once there, I started to cry. I hadn't the slightest clue why I cried, but it seemed like a good thing to do when I couldn't hold it back anymore. To distract myself from that, I reached into my pocket, and pulled out my cell phone. Realizing only then that I'd missed six calls from Alice, and three from Carlisle.

I figured trying to talk right then would be pointless, so I shook out my trembling hands, and typed a quick text message to Carlisle. Just to calm him down until I could talk to him.

"I'm fine." Was all the message said, but it was enough. No doubt Alice would have seen that, looking for it or not. That was too close of a call for her not to have.

"Dad." I mumbled, and he looked over, "I'm gonna go.. Uh.." I pointed to his car, and he nodded.

"There are baby wipes in the back." He called and I appreciated that more than he knew. I climbed to my feet and made my way back to his car. As soon as I opened the back drivers-side door, Lily's eyes were on me.

She looked half scared, half amazed. I must have looked horrible. I found the box of wipes sitting on the floor behind the drivers seat, and lifted it to me. Pulling out about five at a time, I quickly cleaned about ninety percent of the blood off of me.

"Do I look any better?" I asked, looking to Lily.

"Much." She nodded, "Before, you scared me. That was more blood than I've ever seen in my whole life."

"I'm sorry." I sighed, climbing back out. I leaned back against the car, closing my eyes. That was so insane, I couldn't believe it. Now that I had time to calm down, I could think. How the hell had I known to stop? That had to have been the sign I had needed two weeks ago. If we'd kept going, it would have been us that wound up in that SUV's place.

Maybe that was why I needed to help the kid. I didn't know why I had to, but I did.

Only a moment later, help arrived. Two ambulances, among a handful of cops. Glancing to the kid I'd just gotten out, he was still breathing. Moving a little, so I knew he was hanging in there.

"Don't speed, you moron." I called after them as they went to load him into the back of one of the waiting ambulances. Thankfully, I wasn't torn up enough to warrant a ride to the hospital. A couple of scrapes was about it, so they left me alone for the most part. A quick look over told them I'd be fine.

We had to stay around for awhile longer, having witnessed everything. Answer questions and whatnot, and I knew that these weren't the only questions I'd be answering today.

When we were finally allowed to go, he didn't move at first. We sat there in his car, and he just stared at me. Minutes passed, until finally, I sighed.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"For starters, how about you start telling me how on earth you saw that coming." He wasn't angry, but scared, "For one, deer aren't usually out on the road this time of day. I wouldn't have seen it in time to stop. Two, I hadn't even known that guy was behind us, much less how fast he was going. That wasn't just a lucky guess, Leandra. Not with how close that was."

"I.." I mumbled. I really couldn't explain it myself, "I just.. I thought I was going to throw up, so I made you stop. That's it. I didn't know that was going to happen any more than you did."

"You watched it, Leandra." He countered, "You knew he was coming. I'm normally the most careful driver out there. Especially when I have my daughters in the car with me. The fact that you knew he was there when _I_ didn't, tells me you.." He sighed, trailing off, "I don't know. I don't even know what to think."

It was quiet again for a few moments, as I stared down at my hands.

"He would have died if you hadn't done what you did." My dad finally said, looking over at me, "The paramedics told me that. He had been losing too much blood, but you getting him out of there when you did was exactly what you needed to do. However you saw that coming, I guess I want to say I'm proud of you, Leandra."

"Thanks." I smiled a little.

"Just don't do that again, okay?" He asked, "That scared me. It really did."

"I was fine." I mumbled, my smile fading.

"But I didn't know that, Leandra." His tone was a scold again, "All I saw was my first baby running off toward danger. That's it."

"I'm not a baby anymore." I sighed, looking over, "I haven't been for awhile now."

"I know that." He looked forward again, "I see that. Every time I see you." To my surprise, a tear escaped his eye. I leaned forward, trying to see his expression, "I know you're not little anymore, Leandra, but to me, I'll always see you as a baby. That'll never change. Not for me. You're my daughter. The first baby I've ever held, and that matters. Whoever you turn out to be, Leandra, you're forever a part of me."

He sighed deeply, shaking his head a little, "You'll understand someday. There is no love like the love a parent has for their child. None in the world. There's no way to describe it, no words for it. When you have a child, a baby laying in your arms, looking up at you as their entire world.." He trailed off and paused, looking to me again, "The promise you see in their eyes the moment they meet your eyes for the first time, all the fear you'll feel, you'll understand." I listened to his speech intently. This was obviously something he needed to tell me.

"I was there. I was right there with your mom every second. The second I heard your cry fill that room, I was changed forever. I can't even tell you how hearing you cry for the first time broke my heart and healed it at the same time. There's really nothing like it." I suddenly thought differently about the day I was born. I wasn't born into a world of hate like I must have been thinking this whole time. The way he described it made it sound like something happy.

He reached up, stroking my cheek. Wiping away a tear I didn't know was there, "No matter how old you get, I'll always see that promise. Whatever happened today, I know there was a reason for it."

With that, he drove me home. The drive lasted in silence, and I was relieved to find that I felt so much better. Whatever was going to happen, happened.

"Take Lily home." I told my dad quietly as he pulled to a stop outside the house, "She's had a long day. I'll be alright." I still saw the questions in his eyes, but he decided it was best to just try and figure it out on his own. That was a good thing. He sighed, and climbed out. The car was still running, though, so I knew he just wanted a proper hug.

Which was exactly what he wanted. Carefully squeezing me, I returned his hug as tight as I dared. My wounds had finally stopped bleeding. I didn't want to reopen them.

"I love you, kiddo." He told me, "Whatever the reason is, thank you."

"Be careful next time." I told him, "You can never really tell when the deer will come out. Today proves it."

"I sure will." He sighed, releasing me.

I stood there in the yard, watching as he drove away. As soon as he was gone, just out of sight, the door opened behind me. It didn't surprise me that it was Carlisle, given how much blood I still had on me. I quickly discovered the difference between how I felt around my dad, and how I felt around Carlisle.

With my dad, I kept a careful calm. Faked a bravery I really didn't feel, for his benefit.

With Carlisle, I was weak. I let myself cry, and I didn't regret it. I trusted him to be strong for me, even after all I'd put him through.

I was still shaken up, and as soon as I looked up at him, that careful calm and bravery was gone, and I just turned, hugging him tight. Crying into his side. He carefully returned the embrace, despite how I knew he wanted to know what happened. Well, I knew he knew what happened, but I didn't know how much he knew. I knew he had questions, but I just needed to cry. He understood that without me having to say a word.

After several moments, he turned and led me inside, but I paused outside the door.

"Do they know?" I sniffled, looking up at him, "I don't want to take anyone off guard."

"It's alright." He assured me, and I nodded. Continuing on, I made my way into the living room, being watched closely. It surprised me to find how sore I was, even with how little I'd done. I sat on the couch, wincing a little with a small sigh.

"What happened?" Alice asked, and it was clear from her tone that she didn't know anything about what happened. She was upset.

"Alice-" I sighed, to no avail.

"He's supposed to be protecting you. Not letting you hurt yourself."

"Alice, hold on-"

"I'm not letting you go anywhere with him alone again." She continued, "You could have been killed."

"Alice." Carlisle's voice quieted her.

"First of all," I started, "What did you see?"

"Enough." She nodded, "I saw enough to know that you could have been killed. Were you _trying_ to kill yourself?"

"I need to know specifically what you saw, so I know where to start explaining." I was trying to stay calm, and not snap in reply to her snappy tone.

"I saw you climb into that car." She replied, and I sighed.

"Okay." I said, "Anything else?"

"It was pretty hectic, Leandra." She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I had to help the kid out." I told her, and she frowned a little in confusion, "He would have died if I didn't. We were stopped there, because I knew we had to stop." Her eyes widened a little, finally understanding what I was telling her, "I watched it happen, so I had to do something. I couldn't just sit there."

"Wait." Jasper was suddenly in the room, and I tensed a little. He seemed in control, so I looked to him, "You're saying.. You knew something would happen?"

"Yes." I sighed, looking down. I didn't want to see the looks.

"Before it happened?"

"Yes." I repeated, "I didn't know exactly what it was, but I knew we had to stop. I finally got him to listen, and I'm glad he did when he did."

They waited, so I sighed and explained. Every detail, right to the smallest ones I recalled so perfectly. I told them about the glass, and how crushed up everything was on the inside, that I did the best I could to keep myself in one piece, but still get him out.

"He lived because of what you did?" Carlisle asked, and I nodded, "What about the other guy?"

"He was fine." I replied, and I smiled a little in relief, "He didn't require much, and walked away with only a few scratches. It was just the kid I had to help out that had to go to the hospital. From what my dad said, he'll be okay." I sighed, laying back against the couch and closing my eyes, "That has to be the luckiest deer in the history of deer."

"Unless it meant to do that." Emmett offered, and I couldn't help laughing a little at that thought, "I'll bet it's laughing to its friends right now."

"Maybe." I mumbled, laughing a little more.

"So." Emmett continued, almost cheerfully, "Is this the confirmation you were looking for?" I winced, hating the reminder. I knew this question was coming.

"Okay," I shrugged a little, "I believe you now, but there isn't much I can do about it, is there?"

"Leandra," Jasper called my attention, "Do you still feel the same about Bella and Edward?" As soon as he brought it up, the feeling returned. Full force. Stronger than before. Just as suffocating as I felt in the car just awhile ago. Jasper sighed, nodding to Carlisle.

"I still don't see anything happening yet." Alice murmured, "As far as I can see, they're both fine."

"Maybe I just don't like them being so far away." I suggested hopefully.

"But that doesn't explain why you got that feeling before they'd even left, or before you even knew where they were going." Jasper corrected.

"Crap." I finally sighed, covering my face, "I didn't want this."

"Whatever it is," Alice assured me, "Don't worry so much. I'm sure it's nothing major. Bella is clumsy."

"Yeah." I murmured, "I guess." I stood up carefully, "I'm staying home tomorrow. I really don't feel like going anywhere."

"Your choice, shorty." Emmett smiled, glancing to Esme. I chose to ignore that. I nodded and turned, heading to my room to unwind and try to come to terms with what today meant. I laid gingerly on my bed, my stomach against the blanket and I sighed into my pillow. I still didn't know why I was so sore, but it didn't matter then. It felt good just to lay there.

So I had gotten proof. I believed it now, but it wasn't a happy occasion. As if my life needed to be any more complicated or confusing.

Without realizing it, or even wanting to, I fell asleep.

Unfortunately, this time I dreamed. Why I would dream now after so long, I didn't know, but I did. I dreamed about the beginning of the summer. Seeing Jack there in Andrew's front yard. How brave I'd been back then. Even when the entire situation seemed impossible, I was brave.

I remembering being amazed, while I slept, at how much I'd changed since then. Just a few months was enough to make me see the difference between me then and me now. The way I felt, the way I handled things. Jack had taken that. Again. The last day of his life, he'd taken that.

No chance for closure or a way to settle that. No way to take it back this time. All over a stupid decision I'd made. Why wouldn't it all just end?

Somewhere toward the end of the dream, the dream abruptly changed. It changed so quickly, it hurt my head and startled me awake. I was suddenly sitting upright with a loud gasp, bouncing with how quickly I'd moved. Looking to the clock, I saw that it was passed three in the morning. An odd time for me to wake up lately.

The last thing I remembered about the change in the dream was Bella. That was it. I didn't remember why I dreamed about her, what was wrong, but I knew. Whatever this worry was about involved Bella.

I jumped out of bed, ran across the dark room, and threw the door open.

"Alice." I called before I'd even made it to the living room, hoping she was somewhere around. She quickly descended the stairs as soon as I left the hallway, looking my way in concern. Just as Carlisle did, and Esme did.

"What is it?"

"Bella." I replied, "It's Bella. It's got nothing to do with Edward."

"Leandra, I still see nothing-"

"Check again!" I insisted, "I'm sure of it." Esme reached out, pulling me to sit in the chair with her. I let her, trying to calm down, "Look for anything. Please." She sighed, deciding to humor me. I could tell she'd been only half looking. Waiting for something to come to her, instead of inspecting any possible situation like my overworked mind would have.

The room was silent as Alice turned to pace a little.

It took minutes, and finally, I could tell immediately when she realized the truth in what I was saying. She looked to me, shocked. Holding my gaze for several seconds. As if trying to figure me out. She got moving again, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. Even I sensed the difference in her movements, and I hated being right.

"What is it?" Carlisle asked, standing.

"It's Bella." Alice replied tensely, "Her future is gone."

**A/N: Why that took me so long, is beyond me.  
Lots has been going on in RL, I guess that could be it. The point is, it's here. _Finally_, right?  
Your reviews make me happier than a kid in a candy store. I _love_ them! THANK YOU to all of those leaving your thoughts!  
Chapter ten will be along as soon as I regather my thoughts, kids. My mind has been so very mixed up lately. It's crazy in there.** **All I ask for is a little patience. Okay? Okay. (:  
Until ten, my lovelies. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Almost as soon as Bella picked up on the other end, Alice was handing the phone to Carlisle. I stood, going to her side.

"What's going on?" I asked Alice quietly, worry in my voice, "What do you mean her future is gone?"

"I can't see Bella's future anymore." She replied tensely, watching as Carlisle spoke on the phone. I frowned.

"What does it mean when someone's future disappears?"

"It usually means they die." I winced at her tone, and sharpness of the words as they instantly made my heart sprint. Now I understood the nervousness in my stomach. I whimpered, and despite how tired I was, I was wide awake.

"Bella's going to die?" I found myself trying back tears of panic.

"No, Leandra." Alice said, hugging me into her side. She didn't continue, which told me she wasn't really so sure. Carlisle hung up, paused for just a second, and strode from the room. I got moving, following him upstairs.

"Carlisle." I whimpered, "You won't let her die, right?"

"I'll do everything possible to keep that from happening." He replied, heading into his office. I watched from the doorway as he moved furniture aside, pushing it against the far wall. I made sure to stay out of the way. He was now distracted. Very distracted.

"What happened to her?" I asked, and he looked to me.

"I won't know anything for sure until they get back, so please. Try not to worry." I watched him walk passed me, headed back for the stairs, "I'm going for supplies. I'll be back soon." I whimpered, standing there, feeling helpless and confused.

My sleep deprived mind imagined so many things that could have possibly gone wrong. Maybe she got bit by some spider, or fell out of a tree. Maybe she caught some contagious disease, and I needed to be worried for my health as well. I was deeply confused.

I headed back downstairs, looking up to see Alice and Esme talking quietly. Everyone else quiet, worry in their eyes.

"Leandra." As soon as Jasper saw me, he was on his feet, "I need you to try." I paused in my walking, leaning against the armrest of the couch. He had brought everyone's attention to me.

"Try?" I asked hesitantly.

"You knew something was wrong long before Alice did." He answered, "I need you to try. Tell us what it is."

"I don't know how." I shook my head a little, instantly uncomfortable. I didn't like this pressure.

"How did you know to tell Alice to check again?" He asked, and I sighed.

"I dreamed." I replied, "I woke up when my dream suddenly changed, so I didn't see anything."

"Then you need to go back to sleep." He said, "We need to know all we can about this, and Alice can't see anything, so it's up to you."

"I don't even know what happened, so even if I do see anything she doesn't, I won't get it." I was stalling. I wasn't particularly eager to go back to dreaming. Just as I'd hoped, Jasper paused and looked to Esme. I wondered then. It was a subject they were obviously hesitant to tell me about.

"I'd feel better telling her when Carlisle gets back." Esme admitted, "As he was the one to talk to them."

I could tell though how important this was. Given the way Jasper sat back down with a sigh, deep in thought.

"I can still try." I offered, and he looked to me, "If you want. I might not get it, but someone else might."

"No." He sighed, "It's alright. Esme is right. I'd rather know more myself before trying to find answers." I nodded, sitting on the opposite end of the couch. It was quiet for a minute, before I looked over.

"Can I have a hint?"

"From what we understand so far," Esme answered as I looked to her, "Bella's pregnant." My eyes widened a little, and I looked down. Thinking.

"Wait.." I mumbled, "How? I-I mean.. I know _how_, but.. Aren't humans and vampires too different?"

"We were wondering the same thing." Jasper nodded, still in thought, "This is something nobody expected."

"Huh." I mumbled, frowning.

"We won't really know until they get back, and Carlisle has a chance to look at her." Alice murmured from the side, "But this worries me. A lot." I looked down.

"So.." I sighed, "If it's just a baby, then why is everyone worried?"

"Because we don't know if that's all it is." Jasper answered, "It could be something much worse." I shuddered, not liking the image of that, "Exactly. And the fact that you've been worrying over it for so long now tells us all to be wary."

"So if Alice can't see anything, why would I be able to?" I asked quietly.

"You're obviously able to see things further in advance than she can." Jasper replied, "It's a little complicated to explain, but the way her gift works is she needs someone to make a decision, or realize something themselves before she can see it. It's becoming clear to me that you don't. That opens you up to so many things that you can see, but she can't."

I nodded slowly in understanding, so he continued.

"I'm thinking that's why Alice was unable to see anything until tonight. When Bella discovered it. But you were. You knew before it even happened, Leandra."

"Didn't help in this case." I shrugged a little.

"Because you couldn't tell yet what it was." He reasoned, "You're still new at this, so it isn't your fault. We don't blame you."

"Not in the least." Esme added from the side.

"And so far," Jasper mused quietly, "It's only been things that directly effect you that you've been warned of. Aside from this." He was quiet for a second, "Unless somehow, this will directly effect you."

Rosalie's phone rang in her pocket and she frowned a bit, looking at it. Leaving Emmett's side and heading toward the kitchen to answer it.

"How would her being pregnant effect me, though?" I asked, standing, "It's got nothing to do with me."

"I don't know." Jasper admitted, "It's just a thought." I sighed, choosing to sit with Esme instead. I really didn't feel like being alone. I wasn't exactly tired, as much as I was exhausted. All of the sudden worry had stolen my energy.

We waited all night, and I snoozed through most of the next day. When they finally got home that late afternoon, I sleepily looked Edward's way. Where he tensely steered a very annoyed looking Bella straight toward the stairs. Carlisle following close behind, and he trailed a determined looking Rosalie. None of them stopped to talk, though Alice and Jasper were on their feet, and Emmett looked their way beside me.

I didn't see anything wrong with her. She was slightly pale, but nothing bad. To me, she looked perfectly normal. I wanted to follow them all up the stairs, but Esme stopped me from getting up. Shaking her head a little. I settled back down, sighing a little.

"She looks okay." I muttered, confused.

"Hopefully it stays that way." Jasper replied.

There wasn't much else to do but sit and wait for Carlisle to look her over. It was silent in the room around me the entire hour they were upstairs, and I'd just decided to try to snooze again, laying my head on the armrest, when Emmett spoke up.

"That's not good." He grumbled, standing.

"What?" I asked, suddenly awake again, "What is it?" He was obviously referring to what he was hearing from upstairs, but I couldn't hear a thing. I didn't want to ask again, but nobody answered me. They didn't even acknowledge I'd spoken this time. It was like I wasn't even there. Probably listening intently to the conversation upstairs, but it bothered me.

This was new to me. Every other time there had been tension in the family, I'd been the cause of it. So I already knew what everyone had to be upset about. Now I was one of the ones tense along with them, and as relieving as it was to not be in trouble this time, I didn't like it.

Finally, after several more tense minutes, I heard them coming down. More like I heard them speaking as they came back down.

"Really, Edward." Rose sighed, "It's not your choice. It's hers, and if you're going to be mad at me for defending that, then you just need to get over it."

I looked their way, watching as Edward came down first. Obviously unhappy. I bit my lip, sitting stiffly and looking up at him, watching as he said not a word to anyone as he stepped outside. He didn't move any farther than the porch, though, leaning against the railing. Rose had trailed him downstairs, followed by Bella, and finally Carlisle.

"You've decided, then?" Alice asked Bella, and the fact that she had to ask had me look to Bella as well. That wasn't good news.

Without regret, but seeming as if she felt bad, Bella nodded. That was her answer. It was clear to me that though she hated causing tension, she wouldn't change her mind. Though I still didn't see a thing wrong with her, the fact that her future was still gone told me that this was one decision she should change.

My attention was taken by Carlisle heading toward the garage. I jumped up and followed.

"Can I go?" I asked, following him. Having to jog to make it to him.

"No, Leandra." He sighed, shaking his head, "I'll be back soon." His tone told me not to argue, so I stopped, and I watched him leave. Closing the door behind him.

"Okay." I muttered in reply, sighing and turning.

Not sure what else to do, I headed back into the living room. I still didn't want to be alone, so I sat in the one free chair, watching the room.

"I know what this seems like." Bella was saying, "But it'll be okay. I know it." I still didn't know a thing about what was going on, and I was so lost, but I didn't ask. I figured I would know when the time was right.

I looked beside me as the door suddenly opened, and Edward met my eyes.

"Leandra." He gestured I come outside with him. I didn't waste a second, standing and following him out onto the porch. I sensed an explanation coming, and I wanted so bad to know. The curiosity was killing me. He closed the door behind me, and I looked up at him. I followed him back to the railing, leaning against it as he had done before.

He was quiet for a moment, and I used that time to think how I should brush my hair. I hadn't yet today, and the slow breeze blew it into my face, making that fact crystal clear. Maybe I would just tie it up. I wasn't planning on going anywhere today, so why should I bother?

"Have I ever told you how calming your thoughts are?" Edward suddenly asked, and I laughed a little.

"That's a first." I murmured and he looked to me, "I think too much."

"You have a lot on your mind, it's true." He allowed, "But the one thought you choose to focus on is what I hear, and today, the plainer the better."

"Glad I could help someone." I replied, looking out over the yard. Despite how I tried, I couldn't help thinking about how I hadn't known enough to help before. Maybe it was more of the fact that nobody had expected anything like this to go wrong. Alice couldn't see what I could see. With that thought, a whole flood of more thoughts came after it.

Without meaning to, I filled Edward in on all that happened in the two weeks he'd been gone. He didn't interrupt, just listening calmly, as if he couldn't really hear me.

"About that." He finally stopped me as I focused on the confusion my gift brought. I briefly worried he'd be upset with me, "It's not your fault."

"I should have said something that night." I shook my head a little, reaching up to clear my hair from my face, "I should have."

"That wouldn't have changed this." He gestured back to the house, "I would have just kept watch for everything else. Leandra, none of us even thought this was possible."

"So I've heard." I replied, nodding a little. Briefly, before I could stop it, I wondered what had everyone so worried. How she looked fine to me, "Shit. Sorry."

"You're curious." He murmured, looking away, "It's bound to happen." He was quiet for a moment, probably gathering his thoughts. I chose to make it easier on him by focusing only on the breeze that blew passed me. The smell of the trees that surrounded the house, and the sound of the river nearby. The quiet sound of the branches swaying in the breeze, and the subtle suspicion of rain soon.

"You're good at that." Edward pointed out, "Thank you." I smiled a little, nodding, "Leandra, the reason why everyone is so worried, is not only because Alice can't see her future anymore." I looked over at him, "It's because two weeks isn't near enough time for a normal pregnancy to become as apparent as it is." I frowned in confusion, "She missed her period this month, but she's already showing."

"That doesn't happen?" I had absolutely no idea how pregnancies were supposed to go.

"No." He answered, "Normally, there's no visible signs until the third or fourth month." Oh shit. My eyes widened a little.

He was quiet for a second, before he sighed, "Yeah." He paused for several seconds, "Carlisle guesses she's about three months along."

"In two weeks?" I asked quietly, surprised. He was quiet, waiting for it. Then it hit me, "Wait." I frowned, "Carlisle guesses?"

"None of the tests he tries will work." He answered, "We can't see it, as whatever it is won't show on an ultrasound." I looked up at him, noticing his expression, "So there is no way to know what it is."

"That's a problem." I mumbled, and he nodded.

"A big one." He replied, "We don't know what we're working with, and that is a very big problem."

"And she's chosen to go through with it." I nearly gasped, realizing now. He nodded slowly in response.

"She's chosen to keep it. Whatever it is." He told me, "And she's decided to get Rosalie on her side, even though she knows we'd never force her."

"What is she _thinking_?" I mumbled, surprised.

"I wish I knew." He sighed, and the guilt I heard in his tone had me look to him again.

"It's not your fault either." I told him, and he looked to me, "You didn't know this would happen any more than I did." He smirked humorlessly, and I could tell instantly that he didn't believe me.

"About a week ago," He said, changing the subject, "Bella and I talked." I waited, watching as he looked to me again, "About what it was like finding you in Port Angeles that night." I instantly looked down, hating being reminded. I shivered involuntarily, reminded of how cold I always was. The memory of the street, rainy and cold, forced its way forward.

I shifted my weight uncomfortably, sighing a little.

"Leandra, I'm sorry." He told me, and I shrugged, looking at my hands clasped together on the railing, "I mean it. I not only hurt Bella by leaving, but I see what it did to you."

"I'd rather not talk about this." I finally mumbled, "That.. Was a very bad part of my life."

"I see that." He commented, and I knew he was referring to the memories I couldn't keep back. Those were the longest five months of my life. Suffering so very much by being left alone.

"I can't stop them." I admitted, glancing apologetically up at him, "Once I'm reminded, there goes the day." This was actually something I hadn't thought about in awhile. Not with everything else going on.

"There's so much I've missed." He added, "But there's also a lot I've been informed of. That really bothers me, that I've missed a lot, because it's my fault you were put through so much since you've been here."

"What?" I asked, confused, "How?"

"Leandra, you asked me awhile back what I thought would have happened had you not hit Rachel that day." I was listening, "And I told you you'd probably still be right where you were. I still believe that, but I also believe you would have been better off." My eyes flew to him, and at first, I couldn't believe I'd heard him correctly.

"You're kidding, right?" I asked, shocked he'd even say that.

"Think about it." He turned, looking at me now, "Had you not hit Rachel, you would have gone home. True, back to hell, but knowing you, you would have found a way out on your own soon. You would have gone to a normal, human family and probably adjusted well there." What use did I have with a normal human family? None whatsoever.

"I don't regret being here." I told him flatly, trying to hold my temper, "You're wrong. I wouldn't have found a way out, Edward. I would still be there, if not dead. Jack would have lost his temper one too many times, and killed me. Or I would have just killed myself, and I would have never known what it was like to be loved." I paused, knowing he was listening close to more than just my words, "You might not understand what it's like never to know what love is, but I know what it's like. It's true. I have known a lot of heartbreak in this family, but I also owe them nothing less than my life. I've never regretted knowing them. Not once, and I never will. So don't you tell me-"

"Wow." He seemed entertained, "When they mentioned you had a temper, that wasn't an understatement."

"I know it's not." I replied, "And I'm sorry." I sighed, "I didn't mean to get mad. It's just-"

"I understand." He said, "I should have explained further what I meant. Here, you've known so much stress. Not only in the beginning, with Jack and what happened at the trial, but later. When I made the extremely foolish decision to leave. What happened while we were gone. I don't blame Carlisle for coming back when he did. For leading you to Bella that night." I looked away, focusing on the trees while I listened. This part of the conversation still hurt me.

"I not only hurt you with that decision, I hurt them." He continued, "Your mother? I know that would never have happened had you stayed where you were."

"You're right." I said, "That wouldn't have happened, but she'd probably have died by her own hand. She was already headed that way, and had been for a long time. If I had stayed there, nothing would have saved her, but you know what?" He waited, "By coming here, at least I got a chance to get to know what she was like when she wasn't drinking." He seemed surprised.

"I never thought of it that way."

"I have." I murmured, "I never would have gotten that chance if I would have stayed where I was, and I'm grateful for that chance."

"Okay, so I'll give you that one." He said, "But what about the rest? Learning from us?"

"I don't regret that either." I told him, "I don't mind it so much. Sure it makes me different from the other humans, but I always have been. Long before I met you." He smirked a little, "And who wants to be normal? Normal is boring."

I looked over at him, watching his smirk fade.

"Just don't beat yourself up too much, okay?" I mumbled, "I know that usually doesn't help me, and I still do anyway, but just not too much. It isn't your fault."

I gave him a small smile and turned, heading back inside. I was starting to get cold, so I knew he understood. I wasn't in the best of moods after that reminder of my past. So much I'd refused to think about recently. Probably because I knew it'd just overwhelm me, which I really wanted to avoid.

Now that I knew what was going on, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe there really wasn't much of a reason to worry. So it grew fast. So what? Carlisle wouldn't let anything happen to her, and I was sure that if it became too hazardous to her health, she'd see reason. She had to. She was smart.

So instead of staying around, I decided to wander. I had a lot on my mind now, and wanted my thoughts to remain only mine. It wasn't Edward's fault he could hear every word I thought, but he also couldn't turn it off. I wasn't entirely eager to have someone else in my head for long periods of time.

Grabbing my jacket, I headed for the door. For once, when I left the house, nobody told me to be home by dark. Usually it was at least mentioned. Now, not a word. I tried not to think too much of that, as I knew they were just worried. Given the circumstances, I could overlook it.

It was Saturday, so I knew the boys would all be home, so I headed slowly through town, and rounded the block. Headed straight for Josh's house. Someone who could help me clear my head, and tell me not to worry so much.

It was Zack that opened the door, seeming surprised to see me.

"Hey, Leandra." He said, smiling. It was nice to be acknowledged, so I returned his smile, "Josh can't have any friends over."

"Why not?" I asked as he stepped outside with me, closing the door behind him.

"He's grounded." Zack laughed, finding that funny, "For fighting yesterday at school."

"Wow." I replied, "That really doesn't sound like him."

"You can still hang out with me, though, if you want to." He offered, and I smiled again.

"Sure." I said, and we started walking, "So who'd he fight?"

"Andrew." He answered, and I was really surprised now, "They got into it at school yesterday."

"They're not hurt, are they?" I asked, frowning. I didn't find this a bit funny.

"Nah." Zack muttered, "They're both fine. They were both suspended, though. Sure makes me wish you went to school with us, just so I didn't have to be there alone."

"What was it about?" I asked, watching as he shrugged, laughing a little.

"I have no idea." He said, "I'll bet it was about you."

"Zack," I sighed, "Don't tell me that. I really don't want to hear that right now."

"It's true, though." He laughed, "They're always fighting about you when you're not around. It bugs. It wouldn't surprise me one bit that they finally threw punches over it."

I sighed again, rolling my eyes.

"Why can't they just be normal?" I asked quietly, "I didn't ask for them to hurt each other over me."

"They're jealous of each other, I think." He nodded, "Andrew is jealous because you kissed Josh, and Josh is nervous that you're giving Andrew another chance. Seriously. Not a day goes by when your name isn't brought up at least a million times." I guess I shouldn't be surprised that that had come up. At least they didn't argue when I was around. That was a plus.

"Well, tell them to knock it off." I muttered, "I could do without the tension around my friends too."

"Me too." He agreed, "No offense, I like you, but they obviously like you a lot more."

"At least one of you still have a brain left in your head." I sighed, stuffing my hands in my pockets. It really looked like it was about to rain now. The wind had picked up a bit, and it was just a bit cooler out.

"Well, you haven't kissed me yet." He was trying to be funny, but I glared over at him, "What? It's true. They lost their minds when they kissed you." He had a point there, "That's when it pretty much all started."

"I won't be doing that anymore." I replied, "This is a nightmare."

"Tell me about it." He mumbled, "It's like they're not even friends anymore. More like rivals."

I looked down, watching the sidewalk as we continued on. There was just no way I could deal with them being stupid right then. I came by to get rid of stress, not have it added on. With them acting this way, it only made me nervous. If they were willing to hit each other over me, then what was to stop them from getting mad at me if I ever did choose? Not that I was ever going to, but this was getting too far out of hand for my comfort.

I finally sighed, looking up, "I think I'm gonna head home."

"Okay." He replied, giving me a small, sad smile, "See you later, Leandra."

"Tell them I said I'll be back around when they grow up." I mumbled, and he sighed, nodding a little. I gave him a hug, and we parted ways. He headed back the way we came, and I continued on.

Well, there went that. I could go, and stay gone. If being around them meant that they would fight about me, then that was it. I would let them sort it out without me making it worse.

It was almost a relief making the decision to stay away, as much as it bothered me. It meant I could cut one more stress from my growing list of stresses. I would miss them, though. I just didn't want that in my life. I couldn't handle it in my life, and I had every right to be upset with them for being stupid. Right?

I couldn't help but wonder if I was overreacting. I didn't like doing that, but the relief I felt when I decided to let that go, to let them sort it out on their own couldn't be ignored. I felt better because of it, but for the oddest reasons, I knew it wasn't my gift making me feel that way. This was my own relief.

I stayed in town. Just walking, wandering as far as the town let me. The day slowly dying into a darker evening than I'd seen in a few weeks. The streetlights came on early, and it cast an odd sort of orange blue glow over the sidewalk.

It turned out I wasn't wrong about the rain. The first raindrop I noticed landed on my nose, and the others quickly followed. With that, I turned around and headed back in the direction of home. I knew it'd be raining for the rest of the night, so I might as well go home.

It was pitch dark before I even made it out of town, night falling quickly thanks to the heavy clouds. I walked slowly along the highway in the dark, knowing each step I took like I could see it easily. I really wasn't in any hurry to get home, so I stepped carefully anyway, wondering if Bella would still be fine when I got back. I couldn't deny the obvious dread I still felt when I thought of her. Despite how my mind attempted to make everything seem not as bad, I knew different.

Things wouldn't end well.

I got home, soaked to the skin, but without a problem. Not that I expected one. I shed my jacket, and hung it up to dry. This time, I was noticed as I entered the living room. Jasper and Alice both looked my way, as well as Carlisle who'd returned while I was gone. Still dripping wet, I gave a small smile as I paused on my way toward the hallway.

"It started to rain." I explained the obvious.

"Try not to stay out so late next time, Leandra." Carlisle told me, and instead of arguing and adding more stress to his already stressful day, I nodded.

"Sorry." I mumbled, and I turned.

I came back out once I changed into my pajamas, my hair still quite damp as I joined everyone in the living room. Bella looked as if she hadn't even moved from the couch, and she looked just a bit more pale, but was otherwise fine. I sighed, and sat beside her. Being careful not to sit on the blanket that covered her.

"You're allowed to just wander?" Bella asked, and I laughed.

"Yeah." I replied, surprised she'd want to talk to me, "Long story there. It helps me clear my head."

"My mom would have flipped." She laughed a little, adjusting the blanket over her legs.

"Nah." I shook my head, "I never go far. There are only so many places to go around here, and only so much trouble to get into."

I glanced around, and could instantly tell why she wanted to talk to me. Nobody else said anything. Probably unhappy about her decision, and dwelling on it. Watching her as if at any second she'd fall over dead. Even Edward was watching from the chair across the coffee table. That really had to get annoying and depressing.

I remembered what it was like to be watched like that when I wasn't sleeping, so I did my best to act as normal as I could. I wouldn't ask her about it, I wouldn't even bring it up. She needed someone to treat her normally.

"It does get boring, though." I continued, slouching a little on the couch, "Not much to do. Can't go back to Josh's for awhile."

"Your friend's house?" She asked, and I nodded, "Why not?"

"Because he's a moron." I replied, and I'd gained Emmett's attention, "All three of them are. He got into a fight with Andrew yesterday at school. Zack said it was probably about me, so I told him to tell them I'll come back when they grow up." Emmett smirked a little, "Boys are stupid."

"They can be a little hard headed, but don't hold it against them." Bella told me, "It's just how they are."

"Yeah, well." I sighed, "I'm done dealing with it. If they want to beat the hell out of each other for stupid reasons, they can go right ahead and do that."

"Eleven is a difficult age." She smiled, "You'll see it gets better."

"I sure hope so." I was quiet for a second, "I wonder who won." Bella laughed beside me, and I looked over. Unable to help laughing as well, "What? I'm really curious."

"Leandra." Esme seemed to disapprove.

"I didn't tell them to fight. It's their own stupid fault." I shrugged, rubbing my eye tiredly. Not having gotten much sleep in the last day or so. Hardly any the night before, but now that they were back, I could probably sleep now. I really wanted to put that off for as long as I could, knowing what was expected of me.

I gained Edward's attention with that thought. My biggest enemies were my dreams. Now here I was having to try to dream. I always had plenty to dream about, but I'd been reminded of a very unpleasant time in my life. Back while the Cullens were gone, and the night they came back. That was one of the worst nights of my life, as I was sure Edward knew, yet he gave me the reminder.

"I'm sorry." He told me from his seat, "I never meant to."

"I know." I sighed, "It doesn't take much."

"What is it?" Carlisle asked, and I looked to him.

"Nothing." I replied, "I think I'm going to bed. I'm pretty tired." I stood up, finally gaining Alice and Jasper's attention as well.

"Leandra." Jasper spoke up, and I nodded.

"I know." I said, "I'll do what I can. I still don't know what I'm doing, so don't be disappointed when I don't see anything."

"Good night." Bella told me, giving me a small smile. She seemed a bit confused, but didn't ask. They'd probably fill her in when I left the room.

"Good night." I repeated, "You should get some sleep, too. You look pretty tired yourself."

"I will here soon." She nodded, "Trust me. It's necessary. I'm still used to being six hours ahead."

"Yikes." I laughed a little, "Good luck adjusting to that."

"Right?" She laughed in return. I'd never known what it was like to change time zones, so I didn't know what it was like having to adjust to something like that. I could imagine, though. Six hours was the difference between mid afternoon, and night time. Or just after midnight, and mid morning. That had to be a little strange at first.

I was cuddled in bed not long later, and I found the longer I fought sleeping, the more tired I got. Forcing my eyes to stay open in the dark, the more often I had to close them. Until eventually, I didn't open them again.

I dreamed, of course, but it was nothing that they wanted to see. It was one of the memories I hadn't thought of in quite some time, as the pattern continued. It hurt me to remember this, because my mom was in it. Sleeping, but still very much alive. This dream I used to have a lot, but this time, I saw it differently. I noticed more about how I felt in it, and I saw things I never used to.

I was just a kid in this dream. Five years old, and I remembered that was the age I began to really realize what I had ahead of me. That was when I started to really realize that what was going on around me wasn't going to end. I remembered clearly the hopelessness I learned back then. The extremely heavy emotion of feeling so impossibly small.

In the dream, I was crying, kneeling there beside the couch she slept on. Holding her hand, and wishing she would hold mine in return. I cried so hard, trying to stay quiet with how much my heart was breaking. Begging her silently to just stop leaving me defenseless. I remembered the sight of my small hand in her relaxed hand.

I needed her so much, and she never once gave me the shielding embrace I sought. Back then, I didn't understand why she never did. Back then, I didn't know enough to know that she wasn't being cruel on purpose, although I still wasn't sure even now that she wasn't being cruel on purpose. I thought she was ignoring me, for something wrong I'd done.

Here was the new part. The part I hadn't realized before. I'd always felt this way, but I never knew I did. Now I knew.

Back then, she only helped Jack torment me. By staying asleep, she told me that I _did_ deserve what he did. I knew now what I didn't know then, that she only ignored me for my own good, but back then, I was so sure she just didn't care. That I'd really done wrong. That I really must have messed up if I didn't deserve to have her hold me, and protect me from her husband.

The way I felt as a small kid, kneeling there and watching her refuse me was enough to really tear me up inside. I wasn't like normal kids, even then. With the confusion, nobody telling me exactly what I'd done wrong to deserve such treatment, I was still feeling the effects of that. Oh god, how it hurt.

When I was woken up, it was by Esme. I looked to her, my pillow damp with tears I'd cried while I slept, and I cried even more. I cried, covered my eyes, and turned my face into my pillow.

I hadn't realized that part before. That my mom had only helped reenforce Jack's words. That I thought that she thought I deserved everything he did to me. I didn't want to think that about my mom, but I had no choice now. Remembering that part of my childhood, it was stuck in my mind. Burned forever into that memory. It hurt.

Esme gently helped me sit up, and put her arms around me.

Now that I was getting older, it seemed, I was remembering things differently, which explained the new view on such an old memory. Able to understand much more than I would have been able to when I was younger. To tell the difference between naivety, and what shred of innocence I still had left back then. Before I learned to hate, before I learned just how much hate one person could hold.

I didn't want to believe it back then. I didn't want to see Jack as a bad person. I tried to keep that from happening. I tried to keep my view of him open, to see him as good person. I refused to see the evidence all over me.

He never meant to hurt me, I told myself. He never meant to be so mean. There was just something I'd done wrong. He was correcting me, I told myself. He was just doing what he had to. It was my fault he was always so mad. It was my fault he treated me the way he treated me.

It was my fault, so I deserved to have my mom ignore me as if I'd never been born.

I clung to Esme and cried, thankful that despite how it hurt, these tears weren't the choking kind. These weren't the kind that stole my breath, and refused to return it. These were just the kind that came from an old wound reopening.

I didn't know what made me remember this. I didn't know why all of a sudden I was remembering things from my life as a four year old, or a five year old. I didn't know why I was suddenly remembering things from back before my entire view of the world changed permanently, but I was. I was remembering lots of things I thought I'd forgotten, and this was just one example of it. Of being so thoroughly confused, back before I started to hate the entire world and everybody in it.

Remembering things from before I turned six years old made me remember what happened in that extremely pivotal year. When things became a lot darker for me, and when I learned the true emotion of wounds in my own heart that I couldn't fix.

When I fully learned what pain was. When I learned to really hate and fear men. When I learned why there was reason to fear men. When I learned what it was truly like to be helpless. I was six years old when I really learned that lesson. The lesson I learned that only added to my reluctance to ever have a boyfriend when I got older.

Why nothing my family ever told me would change my mind. Not after being hurt so thoroughly by them. Jack in particular.

I wasn't sure if that was something that went without saying, but I wasn't ready to admit it.

Something I never admitted to anyone before. By realizing I'd never admitted that, I realized that there was still so much I never told my family. Important points that I knew needed correcting, but I was too ashamed to say.

It wasn't only being beaten I knew to fear. Why there was more than one reason I hated being kissed. There were three years worth of memories to remind me why I hated being kissed. Why it made me nervous, and what it meant. Why I wanted no part of it, or to just be left alone.

Why it was so easy to just walk away from the boys, and why it was almost a relief to do so.

I guess I never fully realized before that I was afraid of men as much as I distrusted them. Remembering these things made me realize, however, and it deeply bothered me now. Learning these things about myself so suddenly made me dizzy, and took me off guard. This was something I hadn't expected tonight, and not expecting it hurt me just as much as the memories themselves did.

Esme comforted me the best she could, but I couldn't tell her what my dream had been about, and I couldn't tell her what thoughts and memories had resulted from that dream.

"I'm sorry." I finally cried, pulling back, "I didn't see anything."

"It's okay, honey." She told me, "It's alright."

"I don't want to go back to sleep." I shook my head a little, "Can I try later?" I didn't want to see that again, and I definitely didn't want to risk remembering every little detail about that day five years ago. It was a huge risk with that so heavily on my mind. Things I'd thought long forgotten were so very suddenly there again, and I didn't want to see them.

"Of course, sweety." She told me, "Come on." She helped me out of bed, taking my hand. I stuck close to her side, holding tight to her hand. I was feeling insecure, more than I had at any point recently, and I really didn't want to be alone. I needed company, and I was overwhelmingly thankful she didn't insist I try to go back to sleep.

"Must have been a bad one." I remembered Emmett's comment from so long ago. To my embarrassment, I could only nod and cry a bit more. Esme sat with me on the now vacant couch, holding me against her side.

To my further embarrassment, I looked to Edward standing a few feet away with Carlisle. Talking quietly, but his glance to me told me he knew. He'd seen and heard everything my mind put me through tonight.

"Jasper is still gone." Emmett murmured, "He'll be back soon, though. They weren't going far."

"No." I mumbled, "I won't ask him for help. He's done plenty for me, and I'm tired of being someone else's problem." It was true. Asking Jasper for help would only embarrass me further, and that was something I really couldn't handle. I just wanted company. I wasn't asking for anything, but having someone around me. That's all I really wanted.

"Shorty, he doesn't mind." Emmett told me, frowning a little. I shook my head, wiping tears from my cheeks.

"I'll be fine." I replied, "I don't need help."

"Do you at least want to talk about it?" Esme asked as she softly cleared my hair from my flushed face, and at first, I really didn't. I didn't know how to tell her no, though, because of the pure concern I saw in her eyes.

"I'll be okay." I finally mumbled, shaking my head a little again. A blush on my cheeks I wish would go away burned my skin gently, and I couldn't make myself look up. I hated the thought that I was adding worry to everyone's concern, making me feel just horrible.

"You know you can talk to us about anything, shorty." Emmett reminded me, and I closed my eyes briefly.

"I know." I said, "I just don't want to right now."

I doubted it would ever come up again, unless I woke up again. I still hadn't the slightest clue as to why I'd suddenly think about that time in my life, because nothing had been brought up about it. The only thing I could think of was that by Edward bringing up my mom, it reminded me of being five years old.

So much of my life back then was such a blur, so much of it mixing into much of the other years of my life, but there were crystal clear memories in there somewhere. I'd only found one tonight, but there were plenty more. They would come up. They would make themselves known, and I would be left like this. Sniffling on the couch, unable to say a word about them because of the shame they all made me feel.

Edward glanced to me again, and I cursed silently.

'_Not a word. Please._' I thought the second I met his eyes across the room. I'd have to find a way to hide these from Edward. Now was really not the time to go on a trip down memory lane, but I knew I wouldn't be able to stop it.

Without the slightest clue how to do so, I knew Edward would be in for a very disturbing time while he was here. Me, unable to keep my thoughts from wandering, and him, unable to keep himself from hearing it.

**A/N: Holy crackers, batman. This got long. My apologies everyone. I also apologize if it got a little confusing there in spots. It was just a bit hard trying to find the right words.  
I've got a really busy next couple of days ahead of me, guys so bear with me, please. A whole s**t storm of RL stuff is about to come down on me, and I'm going to be quite busy. Never fear, though. Eleven will come out. I'm just not sure when, and I'm even not comfortable with making an estimation. Those following the story will know when it comes out, though, and I'll do my best to keep my Facebook updated on the chapter's progress as I make it.  
As with every chapter, I LOVE my reviews. They make my whole day better. Always. ****Until next chapter, guys. Stay sane, and I'll do my best to do the same. Time to settle down with some chocolate, and forget about RL while I can.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**IMPORTANT NOTE: Sensitive themes are discussed in this chapter. If you're sensitive to the mention of suicide, among other things, be on your toes. This is something I _have_ to warn about. Okay? Be careful.**

**Chapter Eleven**

Staying with the pattern, Bella's stomach grew a month and a half in a week. That had to be the weirdest fucking thing I'd ever witnessed in my life. As the baby grew, her health faded along with it. She was still alright, but it was worrying to watch.

I couldn't keep watching it, so I escaped.

The last place I had to escape to within reach of town was my dad's house. After that, it was off to other towns. I was still reluctant to attempt that, as Port Angeles didn't hold many good memories for me, and neither did Seattle. Then again, neither did Forks, or Sappho. I was beginning to really hate Washington altogether.

I had to get out of the house, though. I felt so bad, just escaping while Bella was stuck there, but I'd never seen the family that tense. It wasn't their fault, but I had enough on my mind without sticking around and letting myself be tense as well.

Not only that, but two humans in the house, it only added to the human scent already there. Probably driving them nuts. The more often I was out, the easier I made it on my family.

True to my word, I hadn't seen any of the boys since that day a week ago. I was still trying to come to terms with my own emotions, and seeing them would just screw all of that up. I wondered all the time about what they were up to. What their reactions to what I told Zack to say was.

Long story short, I was troubled. Very much so. My dreams had yet to show me anything worth repeating, only torturing me slowly while I slept. Not that that was anything new, but these were so much more vivid than before.

As if I had to see every memory I'd ever had like a movie, running while I slept and I couldn't turn it off or change a thing. I couldn't look away, forced to see everything having to do with my younger years until I felt like throwing up. Forced to endure everything all over again for reasons I had yet to figure out.

Wandering only made my dreams more vivid now, but I had to. I was making everything so much worse for myself, and I understood that, but there was no way I was sitting around waiting for Edward to finally have enough of my inner turmoil, and say something to someone. I refused to say a word, suffering in silence because I refused to be one more worry on their mind.

So I wandered relentlessly. Never this far, though.

They didn't need Edward to say anything. I knew that. They could tell by the way I hardly spoke anymore when I was home. Sitting off to the side, staring out the window as if the rain sliding slowly down the glass was the most interesting sight in the world. Hours and hours, just sitting there. Like before, but this was different.

This wasn't me being too tired to concentrate. This was more like concentrating too much. Permanently stuck in my head this time, instead of bothering trying to concentrate on what was going on around me. The silence in the room only aiding in that, as Bella slept more and more these days.

I could handle quiet. I could do that. But the tense quiet, as if there were words that needed to be said made the silence suffocating, squeezing until I had to get out.

My task now was getting the eleven miles to my dad's house. On foot.

I hadn't attempted this before, because I knew how long it would take me, and how stupid it'd be to try. Yet here I was now. Walking along the highway. It was colder today than it had been, and being soaked with the pouring rain didn't help any. My hands curled in my jacket pockets, trying to warm them up, I hoped sincerely that nobody I knew drove by and saw me.

With that thought, I left the highway and entered the trees. I hadn't been in these trees before, so I stuck to where I could still see the road but the road couldn't see me. The last thing I needed was to get lost.

This was a stupid idea, I couldn't help telling myself. This was taking way too long, and as much as I had wandered around town lately, it hadn't prepared me for this. Not a bit. From our house, it was maybe three miles of highway to town, of course not counting the long drive. Through town, from one end to the other in the direction I was going, was maybe six or seven in itself. I was tired before I'd even left town, and now I was maybe four miles in the direction I needed to go. Most of the day was gone by now, though I'd left early afternoon.

Tromping over deep underbrush between the trees on either side of the highway made every mile seem like two, and my feet literally felt like they were about to fall off. Me, being the smart one that I am, forgot the cell phone at home. I was going to hear about that later.

I had to sit.

So here I was, at _least_ fourteen miles from home, without a way to call anyone, and in the middle of nowhere.

"Ow." I whimpered, once I was off my feet and the pain hit them. This was a very stupid idea.

Sitting there, I thought about my options. I was really too tired to keep going, but I had no choice. If I turned around now, four miles outside of town, I'd have walked eight, and I'd have a place to rest before having to continue on through town and back home. That thought was enough to make want to cry.

But if I kept going in the direction I was going, I'd have walked further, but I'd get a ride back home.

I could get a ride back from town as well if I was willing to find a phone to call someone from.

Any chance I could get away with not having to call the family from a payphone, I'd take it. So my only option was to keep going. Hope I made it to my dad's house before nightfall. Unless I walked along the highway, and hoped someone I knew came by and offered a ride. That would also be pretty nice.

That was the only option I had, so I went with it.

Climbing out of the trees, it really wasn't long at all until I heard a car slow to a stop beside me. I really shouldn't have been surprised.

Looking over, I was quite surprised. I'd never seen this guy around before. A much older man looked my way. His graying hair looked once dark, but his eyes were a deep blue color. Like a little lighter version of dark storm clouds. I didn't like him, but he'd done nothing wrong, and the poor guy looked so lost. Which was the only reason I decided to stop and turn.

"Pardon my language, little lady, but where the hell is Forks?" He asked and I couldn't help laughing. It was clear he wasn't from around here, given his tanned skin. He seemed nice enough, so I stepped a little closer to the car.

"About five or so miles back that way." I pointed behind me, "It's easy to miss. You drove right through it." He seemed surprised.

"Damn. You mean, that was _it_?" He asked, and I laughed again, nodding.

"That was it." I confirmed, "Not a lot to it. Blink, and you've missed it."

"Say, are you from there?" He asked, leaning out his window.

"Sure am." I nodded a little, "I know that town like the back of my hand. Are you looking for someplace in particular?" He turned, fumbling through papers on the passenger side floorboard of his car. He thrust a rather crumpled piece of paper quickly my way, and I jumped a little. Hoping he didn't notice, I took the paper from him, looking it over.

I knew exactly where that was.

"That's easy to find." I said, "Just turn around and head back into town. Right when you get to the general store, turn right. Four streets down, turn left. Four streets, not four stop signs, because the third street doesn't have one-"

"Need a ride?" He asked, obviously not understanding me.

"Um.." I looked back toward town and I hesitated, not sure. Not only did I not trust this guy as far as I could throw him, but I knew exactly where he was going. I was tempted, though, because of how tired I was. A ride back to town didn't sound horrible. It sounded like a relief. Even if it was from a stranger.

I sighed, "Sure."

"Get in." He smiled a little, gesturing to the passenger seat. I handed him the paper back, and walked around the back. Opening the door and climbing in. It was such a relief just to sit and start warming up. He pulled a quick U-Turn, and headed back the way he came.

"Just you have to let me out a block away." I said, "If you don't mind."

"No problem, kid." He nodded, "These little towns all look the same to me. Give me a big city, and I can find my way no problem."

"Everything is marked in big cities." I pointed out, "Here, street signs are all you get." I wished he wouldn't try to make small talk. I was trying to ignore how stupid of a move this was, and he wasn't letting me. The guy needed help, though.

"Exactly." He nodded, "So what's a kid like you doing so far outside of town?" I didn't appreciate his scolding tone. It irritated me. Especially considering I didn't even know the guy.

"I was trying to get to my dad's house, but that was a very stupid idea." Why was I telling this stranger so much about myself? I held my hands out to the heater vents, wincing a little.

"By yourself?" He asked, "I suppose small town kids are a lot different than city kids, but don't you know it's dangerous to walk alone? Aren't there bears and whatnot 'round here?" More with the scolding tone.

"Bears and whatnot are usually smart enough to avoid the highway." I answered with a little too much attitude. He seemed surprised by my irritated tone, laughing a little.

"Okay, little miss sassy." He replied, "Jesus. You talk to your parents like that?"

"All the time." I muttered sarcastically.

"If you were my kid, I'd knock you into next week." I was liking him less and less.

"Thank god I'm not." I sighed, looking out the window. We just entered town. Two, maybe three minutes longer I was stuck in the car with him.

"You sure are a rude little wench, aren't you?" He chuckled, and I turned my glare to him, "What?"

"I'm not stupid you know. Calling me a wench isn't much better than calling me a bitch." I barked, "And besides, I'm rude to those who are rude to me, so don't act like you don't deserve it."

"Okay, okay." He laughed, "Aren't you opinionated?"

"And damn proud of it." I muttered, turning my eyes back out the window, "Start slowing down. You turn up here at this building." Doing as I told him to, he still seemed amused.

I directed him the rest of the way, and as he said he would, he let me out a block up the street. I was half surprised he stuck to his word.

"One block up, the third house on the right is the one you're looking for. The outside is light blue, with white trim." I said, pointing up the street, "You're welcome." With that, I shut the door, and I walked away. I didn't know who he was or what he was doing looking for Josh's house, but he infuriated me. He didn't call me back or try to apologize, which was fine by me. I didn't care.

I sighed, attempting to calm down. It would be awhile before I was willing to go home.

I must have really been desperate if I accepted a ride from someone I didn't know. I knew for sure I was going to hear about that. The point was, though, that I got back here. Unfortunately the opposite direction of where I wanted to go, but whoever that guy was got me out of walking five more miles.

I stepped into the small park by the edge of town, knowing there were plenty of benches I could sit and rest on until I could comfortably make the walk home. I actually considered laying down on the bench, and sleeping, but I knew better. Many butts had been on this bench, and I really didn't want to do that.

I was in the middle of vaguely thinking to myself how this park had been a very dangerous place to me several months ago, when someone called my attention behind me.

"Hey, kid." What now? I turned, meeting the eyes of the high schoolers that had chased me up a tree, and who'd made this park very dangerous for me. I stood, rounding to face them.

"Calm down." She said with a small laugh, "I heard you were the one that helped Aaron out a few weeks back. Is that true?" That was _him_ in the SUV?

"I guess." I muttered, "I didn't know who it was. I couldn't see his face very well."

"Well, it was him." She confirmed, "He said it was you that helped him out of that. You're pretty brave, kid."

"Thanks." I muttered, still ready to run. They noticed that too, but thankfully, decided to leave me alone.

"See you around." She said, turning with her small group and walking away. That was weird. Too weird for my taste, so I decided then to go ahead and use the left over adrenaline to head home. I glanced behind me the entire way out of the park, making sure they weren't following.

To avoid anyone else bothering me, I decided to run. Ducking into the trees when I knew my way. It made it seem like a shorter distance that way anyway.

However, halfway through the trees my adrenaline gave out, and by the time I stepped out into the yard, I was ready to just sit down and die. Swearing on my life that I would never attempt that far of a walk again. Not ever. From the middle of town was one thing, but straight from the house, no. Never again.

I crossed the yard slowly, the evening around me not quite dark yet.

Heading inside, I sighed loudly, shivering at the warmth of the house. Before I could even fully hang my jacket up, Carlisle was there in front of me. He didn't seem happy. I paused, looking up at him, until he held up my cell phone. As soon as I recognized the object in his hand, I bit my lip and looked down.

"Oops." I mumbled, attempting to sneak by him.

"I thought I asked you to keep this on you at all times, Leandra."

"You did." I agreed, "This was the first time I forgot it. I just left so quickly, I wasn't thinking."

"Halfway to your fathers house without a way to call anyone?" He prompted, "Getting into a stranger's car? Leandra, really-"

"I thought you said Alice wouldn't be looking out for me." I grumbled, heading into the living room. His voice lowered significantly, and I knew Bella was sleeping, so I knew to be quiet.

"She can't help it sometimes, Leandra. When things like what happened today happen." He replied, "You know that."

"Nothing happened." I countered quietly, "I showed some old guy where Josh's house was. That's it."

"Leandra, if you can't follow the conditions of this agreement-"

"I'll follow them." I said quickly, "I won't forget it again. I promise."

"And technically, you left town." He said, watching me fall into the nearest chair as quietly as I could, "What did I say about that?" I winced a little in pain as I kicked off my shoes.

"I thought you meant to like Port Angeles or something." I said honestly, "Why would I need money if I'm going to my dad's? Or trying to. I didn't even make it that far."

He sighed, but I knew he was going to let it go.

"I'm sorry." I murmured, "I really did forget. I won't forget again."

"I just want to be able to get a hold of you if I need to." I nodded, agreeing, "Especially when you're out there on your own." I settled further into the chair, wishing my feet would stop throbbing, "And I don't want you attempting to walk that far alone again."

"Don't worry about that." I said, "Never again. Ouch."

"I mean it." He said, "That's too far."

"I know." I sighed, closing my eyes, "I won't try it again."

"I see you're still alive." Rosalie pointed out quietly as she entered the room with a sandwich, and I looked to her lazily.

"Nice to see you too, Rose." I mumbled, closing my eyes again.

"I'm honestly surprised." She scoffed a little, "After getting into that car."

"Geez, Alice." I groaned loudly, not sure where she was, "Did you have to tell everybody?"

"Shh." Rose hissed at me, and I rolled my eyes, standing.

"My apologies, your highness." I whispered, turning and heading toward the hallway. Last glimpse at Rose, she wasn't very pleased with my tone. Carlisle sighed, shaking his head. It was easy to see that Rosalie was still unhappy with me about hitting her. I knew she'd hold that against me for awhile, but her attitude toward me wasn't letting up, and I really couldn't help returning it.

"You forgot your shoes." She reminded me bitterly.

"Oops. Oh well." I replied over my shoulder, "I'll get them later."

"You'll get them now." Rose was in a particularly bad mood today, and it seemed I had been chosen to take the brunt of it.

"I'll get them when I want to." I replied, not bothering to stop.

"Rosalie." Carlisle's firm voice had me pause, but just as I went to turn, I moved to the side to do so, and narrowly missed being pegged in the back of the head by one of the shoes she'd thrown my way. Instead, it buzzed right passed me and bounced up the hall. I ducked briefly, covering my head.

"Holy shit!" I shouted as I stood back up, "Are you trying to-" I ducked out of the way of the second one, "Are you trying to fucking kill me?" Bella was now awake, sitting up and startled, and the room was filled once more with those that had dared to leave Bella's side.

I had not been expecting that. The last thing that had been thrown that hard at me had been from Jack. I didn't like the reminder. I met Rose's eyes again, this time defensive. Carlisle moved my way, looking her way as well.

"If I wanted to kill you, I would have done it already." Rosalie replied sharply, "Don't you know Bella is sensitive to smells right now? And those reek."

"Only to you, prom queen." I replied, narrowing my eyes.

"You two, stop it." Carlisle tried, but it wasn't good enough yet. Rose's eyes narrowed as well, her hands on her hips.

"Name-calling? You really wanna go there?" She asked, "I've got a few names in mind for you."

"Stop-" Carlisle tried again.

"Sticks and stones, Rose." I barked back at her, "If you're offended by what I call you-"

"Orphan." She spat, and I had to admit. That hurt. I ignored the gasps across the room from those watching.

"That's enough." Carlisle's firm voice this time was one not to argue with. He wasn't happy with the turn our conversation had taken. The only movement was Bella leaning over to puke into a wastebasket as Rosalie and I glared at each other.

"And now look what you've done." Rose muttered, gesturing to Bella.

"That's not my fault." I replied finally, "And you forget. My dad's still alive. Try another one, bitch."

"Leandra." Carlisle turned to me now, "In your room. Go."

"It's not like he wanted you, though."

"Rosalie." Carlisle looked to her, and she turned away without another word from him. Tending to Bella.

"Damn, babe." Emmett grumbled, not at all pleased with her, "Seriously?"

It had been awhile since I'd been this mad. It had been awhile since I'd had to feel this defensive over something someone said to me, purposefully trying to hurt me.

"Leandra." Carlisle attempted to call my attention, but I hadn't looked away from Rosalie yet.

"You don't like me." I said, and she finally looked back at me. Indifference in her expression, "That's nothing new to me. I don't give a shit. You can say all you want to me, and that'll never change. You can be the biggest bitch in the world to me, and still. That'll never change. You can pretend all you want to that you're the toughest person around, but I see right through you. You're bitter, you're mean, and you act like nothing ever phases you, because you're scared."

Carlisle gently took my arm, attempting to shut me up, but I wasn't done, "Well, get the fuck over it, and move on. Whatever you're holding onto needs to be let go, and for fuck's sake, grow up! I guarantee that at one point, you were a nice person. And as beautiful as you are, you're sure ugly."

I could see instantly I'd hit a nerve, given her expression.

"I might be an orphan, that's true, but it really wasn't by choice. It was my fault that my mom died, but that's because she was protecting me. My dad let me go because he had to. He didn't have a choice in it any more than I did. You have _no_ right to speak about my mom, or my dad. They have nothing to do with our conversation." I struggled to keep my tone from rising with as angry as I was, "They have nothing to do with the fact that you hate me because you're jealous. I haven't the slightest clue why you'd ever be jealous of me, but I can see it. I might not have chosen to be an orphan, but you choose to be mean and bitter, because it makes you feel better."

"Leandra." Carlisle attempted again. I was almost done. I decided to end my rant with one last statement.

"The truth hurts, you selfish, conceited bitch. Fuck you, Rosalie."

I pulled my arm from Carlisle's hand and I finally moved. I spun, heading for my room. I tried to slam the door behind me, but Carlisle caught it before it could.

I paced away from the door as he stepped in behind me, closing the door firmly behind him.

"What was that?" He asked, shocked.

"Ask her." I replied, not bothering to look at him.

"I'm asking you." He countered, "Leandra, we don't need any more fighting amongst ourselves."

"Fine." I said bitterly. Mostly to get him to go away, "I said all I needed to say." I sat down on the side of the bed with my back to him, pulling a pillow to myself.

"One thing you need to understand," He said, "Is Rosalie wins arguments. You do not want to be on her bad side."

"I've been on her bad side since the moment I met her." I countered quietly, glancing back at him, "She's never liked me. The only time she's ever been nice to me is when I was asking you to turn me. But that's just because she wanted to change my mind so I never become like you."

"That's not true." He sighed, crossing the room and sitting on the bed beside me, "Rose is just a difficult person to get to know."

"So am I." I said, "But you don't see me constantly acting the way she does."

"She's hard on everyone, Leandra. She isn't singling you out. I'll talk to her." He sighed, pausing for a few seconds, "Although, I don't think I'll have to. The others are doing it for me."

This I had to see. I stood, and crossed the room, opening the door just a bit and peeking up the hall.

"That's not the point, Rosalie." Alice was laying into her. I couldn't see Alice's expression, as she stood with her back toward the hall, but given her tone, she wasn't happy, "She's a kid. You're honestly standing there and telling me that she physically hurt you by hitting you?"

"Of course not." Rose replied, "But that doesn't excuse the fact-"

"It doesn't excuse it." Alice agreed, "You're right, but she's still eleven years old, and I'm sorry. You don't talk to her like that, and you sure as hell don't _throw_ things at her. You've had a rough life, God knows, but so has she. She still has a rough life, and I realize that patience has never been one of your strong points, but that doesn't give you the right to treat her that way. If you'd only open your eyes long enough, you'd see she's more like you than you realize."

"But she-"

"Let it go." Alice's voice was firm in a way I hadn't heard before, and it surprised me, "Let it go, Rosalie." Every word stressed and emphasized with feeling. It was quiet for a second, until Alice spoke again, "Imagine being in her situation. I know you can."

"I'd rather not."

"I'm sure she'd rather not either, but she has to." Alice countered, "She doesn't have a choice, because she's been there."

"I get it, okay?" Rose snapped, "I get it, Alice, but if she thinks having a past like that is reason enough to walk all over everyone, she has another thing coming."

"That poor kid hardly sleeps. She is _always_ in pain." Alice snapped right back, "She's not trying to walk over anyone. She's just trying to make it from day to day, and you're making that feat harder for her. If you think just because you've been here longer that you can treat her that way, _you've_ got another thing coming."

I closed the door as silently as I could, turning and looking up at Carlisle standing behind me. I never thought I'd see the day when Alice would have to defend me against another family member.

"Wow." I muttered, letting Carlisle hug me into his side.

"You have some of us on your side, Leandra. I know things are tense right now, which is why I haven't minded you leaving so often." I nodded, more than relieved that he approved, "I'm doing my best, Leandra. If I seem short with you, or if I seem distracted, I apologize."

"It's okay." I replied, "I want her to be okay too." It was quiet in the room for a moment, and I sighed. Finally stepping back and looking up at him, "I should go apologize, huh?" He smiled a little, giving me a nod.

I thought of the very best way to do that, unable to help smiling.

"Leandra." Carlisle recognized that smile instantly, "Be nice."

"I'll be nice." I assured him, "I will."

With that, I turned and left the room, listening to him follow. I took a moment to gather my shoes still sitting in the hallway.

"Leandra." Carlisle said again, suspicious now. As I passed him, I gave him a look and set them down right outside my bedroom door. Freeing my hands of any potential weapons.

I stopped in the living room, finding Rosalie purposefully ignoring me as she straightened a blanket over Bella. Everyone else's eyes were on me, including Bella's. Her significantly more pale skin stretched a little as she smiled tiredly, probably guessing what I was about to do.

I had to ask myself if this was something I should do, but I decided it was very much needed.

Without any more hesitation, I crossed the room straight up to Rosalie and with a brief moment of debate, I threw my arms around her, hugging her.

"What the-" She wasn't pleased, "Oh geez."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, knowing exactly how uncomfortable this made her.

"Aw." Emmett grinned, "See, babe? She's sorry."

"Right. Yeah, okay." She pinched the collar of my shirt between her pointer finger and thumb, and yanked me off of her, "Just stay out of my way."

"Okay." I grinned, sitting down beside Bella, "You won't even know I'm here." Carlisle sighed, shaking his head. I smiled his way slightly apologetically. It was just too much fun picking on Rosalie.

"Hi." I said, looking to Bella, "Sorry about waking you up."

"No big deal." She replied, despite how she yawned. Now I really did feel bad. The difference between last week and today was vivid.

"Are you getting any better? At all?" I asked, my smile fading.

"Not you too." She sighed, shaking her head a little.

"I'm sorry." I said immediately, "I just can't help it."

"I'll be alright." She said, looking down, "You'll see." I glanced to Alice, worried. Despite Bella's half-hearted attempts to ease me, I still knew better. Nothing had changed regarding her future, and the feeling of dread was only getting stronger. More solid in my stomach. Worse by each passing day.

Looking to the side, I met Jasper's eyes next, and he returned the same look I gave him. He understood, and I had to admit it to them. I shook my head a little, my eyes sad.

I hadn't realized how hard this was on me too to watch. Watching her health fade just a little more every time I saw her. She was still okay, given the situation, but I looked to her again, and the moment she met my eyes, I instantly knew without a doubt that she'd only get worse.

Without warning, I was afraid. Unexplainable panic racing from the top of my head to my feet, and it set my heart sprinting, and I took a deep breath. So suddenly struggling to fight back the tears.

This was new.

Before, it was dull dread sitting so solid in my stomach. This was fear, and at first, I didn't know what to do. I knew my family instantly heard the change in my heart rate. I hadn't seen anything specific, but before I could concentrate on what that feeling told me, as Edward was in the room, I stood. Heading for the door.

Practically running, it didn't surprise me when I had a couple of followers.

I was so scared, and I didn't even know why. There was no reason to be. Not scared like this. Visibly trembling as if I'd die at any second, but this fear wasn't for me. My breath coming in panicked gasps, hastily retreating to a place where I could break down somewhat privately. I didn't know what else to do.

I made it off the porch steps and half way across the drive before Alice finally stopped me. Taking my arm, and pulling me to her. Unable to hold it back anymore, as soon as her arms held me, I cried. I clung to her like I always clung to Esme after a horrible dream, sobbing as quietly as I could into her shoulder.

Jasper beside us, sighing quietly and glancing back toward the house.

"Why won't she listen?" I cried, opening my eyes just long enough to glance over Alice's shoulder at the house as well. Spotting both Carlisle and Edward on the porch watching us. I fought harder now to get myself under control, but the fear only got worse the more I tried to fight it. As if it knew I was trying to hide it, to ignore it, but this time, it wouldn't be ignored.

Neither Alice or Jasper replied, and I knew that was only because they didn't know either.

"Can I go?" I asked, looking up at Alice.

"Sorry, Leandra." She said, "Not while you're this upset. I want you to calm down first. Otherwise you might say something to someone you shouldn't, and that would just be really bad." I understood, but I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. I wasn't mad at her, though. It wasn't her fault, so I just hugged her again. She accepted that, returning the embrace tighter, "I know. Trust me, I know. Breathe."

I started to calm down long before I was ready to, and I looked to Jasper. I'd asked him before to avoid helping me, but this was an exception I would accept. It wasn't until I was able to take a deep breath that I finally let Alice go.

"I don't know what that was." I mumbled, shaking my head a little.

"A warning." Alice replied sadly, "Did you see anything?" I shook my head again, sighing quietly.

"Like before, it was just a feeling. Knowing that.." I trailed off, unable to say it, "She keeps saying how it's going to be alright, but I don't believe that. Not one bit."

"Because even you know better." She answered, and we started back toward the house, "To avoid upsetting her, and you as well, let's try to keep you two apart." I hated that, but she had a point. Bella knew there was a chance this wouldn't end well. She wasn't stupid. If I ran out of the room crying my eyes out every time I looked at her, that wouldn't do much for her confidence.

"I wish I could tell you not to worry so much," She continued as we slowly stepped up the front steps, "But I know you will anyway. It's a part of the gift, as I'm sure you're learning."

I didn't miss the looks I got on my way through the room toward the hallway. _Now_ I wanted to be alone. After that unsettling surge of emotion, I needed to be alone. I needed to sort through it. Probably scare myself into having maybe some tolerable nightmares that night. As disturbing as that sounded, I'd rather dream about the various ways Bella could die than being tortured as a small child.

"Sorry." I called behind me, before closing my door. Edward had to have heard that thought, and I could easily visualize him cringing and his anger rising just a little more. It was a fleeting thought, and I couldn't stop it before it passed through my mind.

I was tired. More tired than I thought I was, and as soon as I laid down, I was asleep. Everything forgotten. The walk I took, how sore my feet were. Fighting with Rosalie, the episode I'd just had. Forgotten. I closed my eyes, and I fell asleep. Like I couldn't take anymore.

The busier my mind is when I fall asleep, the busier my dreams are while I'm sleeping.

I should have seen this nightmare coming. I should have expected it. I should have known it would be coming soon with all of the others that had been plaguing my dreams, yet I was surprised as ever when it did come up. One of the most painful memory I had of that time in my life.

I could handle the nightmares of being beaten. I could handle the nightmares of being shouted at, hated so thoroughly. Torn to pieces of what was left of a six year old, but this, I didn't want to see again.

Mostly because I really didn't understand it back then, but I did now. The innocent confusion I had in the memory was mixed with the sickening realization I had now that he took something from me that night that I could never get back. He took many things from me that night, opened my eyes to a whole new pain that I'd never really known before, and never wanted to know again.

Not even just physically. I'd had the hardest time for quite some time after that night coming to terms with it. It was silly to cry for so long over something I didn't understand, but not to me. To me, I was confused and I was afraid. So convinced I was going to die, as silly as it sounded.

It bothered me. For the first time in my little life, I grew depressed, and I didn't even know why. Maybe because I'd never known a pain like that before. Maybe because of the way Jack constantly laughed about it, and told me to get over it. Maybe because of the way he told me to stop crying, and get used to it.

I could handle the nightmares of being beaten and yelled at. I _couldn't_ handle nightmares of Jack's cloudy blue eyes staring down at me, so close to me without a single escape route. Even shutting my eyes didn't help, because I still felt it. I felt everything so much more when I shut my eyes, so I left them open. The confusion, the fear. He'd never had me like this before. Then finally, the painful understanding.

Normally, this nightmare never came up. It was something so scary, I couldn't bear to look at it, even while I was sleeping. But now that I saw it again, in such vivid detail, the moment I opened my eyes, I had to jump up.

Kicking the blanket off of me in a frenzy that I was sure startled Esme. I jumped up around her, falling to my knees briefly before racing from the room and across the hall. Straight into the bathroom.

I hadn't felt so much emotion that I had to throw up in such a long time, but tonight, I did. My tears replaced before they could fall, and I sobbed there in front of the toilet as quietly as I could. It wasn't silent enough, unfortunately, and I knew I'd gained everyone's attention.

That night five years ago taught me so many things that I never should have known. It taught me depression for one, insecurity. It taught me that he just liked to hear me cry, despite how he always told me to stop crying. It made him happy to know he caused tears to fall.

It taught me a pain that though it didn't hurt too very much physically, it hurt so badly emotionally. It hurt, it was true, but it wasn't as bad as being beaten. It was the weirdest thing to me back then, crying over something seemingly so small, but he'd taken every shred of hope from me with one action. Something I had to struggle so hard to get back.

I remembered wondering what else he would think to do, and I was so afraid when I wondered that. Knowing he was going to get creative, just like that night. I feared him much more after that, much to his happiness.

When I was sure I was done, I rinsed my mouth out with trembling hands.

If there was ever a time when I considered ending my own life, that night was it. Seriously considered it, and briefly wondered how I could do it. How easy it would be, and how much of a relief it would be.

Unfortunately, that fleeting thought was enough to send Carlisle in ten seconds later. Thanks to Edward being just up the hall. I'd probably never have done it, but he was taking no chances.

I just wanted all of the pain to end. I was so tired, so very tired of being put through this night after night, and though I was much older now, it hurt me even more now than it did back then. I couldn't stand it. I hated it. I hated everything, and I'd never hated like I did that night. I was angry, I was hurt. The hate I felt now warred with the depression and I hated that too. I hated the entire world, and it burned in my heart, very nearly causing me physical pain.

I cried and cried that night. There was no stopping it.

Jasper tried to help me, but the second he let it go, I was right back where I was. Eventually, I wound up screaming at him for it. I wanted true relief, not some illusion of it. My pain was _mine_. Not his.

Needless to say, this was the worst night I'd had since meeting Carlisle, and with dawn so far off, there was little hope of my hate, pain, and depression ending any time soon. Even when dawn came, and the depression had won over the hate, there was very little hope in my heart. Hopelessness had settled where the hate had been, temporarily subduing it, and despite how it was a relief, I wasn't sure if the hopelessness was any better.

"What's the point?" That question had left my mouth many times that night, and as I blinked in the lightening room, the emotion behind that question, or lack of, concerned Carlisle as he sat with me. I felt so guilty having him here with me, as I was sure Bella needed something more than I did, but even Esme wouldn't have done that night. I needed Carlisle. More than I could ever express, and he knew that. I was in so much pain, and him being there eased it just enough.

I just wanted all of the pain to end. For good. That's all. I didn't think that was so much to ask for. I was so tired of crying, so tired of being hurt over things that happened three, four, five years ago. I was so tired of the barrage of memories every single night as I slept, tearing me apart every single night without end. While I was left trying to piece myself back together. I was tired of fearing, of being afraid. Worrying over things I couldn't change no matter how hard I tried.

I was so very tired of having Jasper know every single thing I felt. Especially when I didn't even understand half of it myself. I was so tired of having everyone hear every sob I couldn't hold back, of trying to hide it without success, because I knew my pain caused them pain.

I loved my family with all of my heart, but something had to give. And soon.

**A/N: I know this is filler, and the emotions are all over the place, but now we see where she's at.  
IMPORTANT NOTE: NO I do NOT condone taking your life. EVER. NEVER. I want to put that out there, for very very obvious reasons. Don't effing do it! Don't even effing think about doing it!  
Now, with that said.  
THANK YOU to my reviewers. I couldn't keep doing this without you guys. :) Well, I could, but it'd be very disappointing, and hardly worth posting at all.  
Same lack of estimation on chapter twelve, because I'm still waiting for that whole s**t storm of RL stuff. Chapter eleven was a surprise, because I wasn't expecting it to be so easy writing all this down. I'm glad, though, that I got this out. It gives insight to later chapters.  
Something I should have mentioned earlier, is that as with the first version of this, I'll be doing BD 1 and BD 2 in one story. So far, I'm pleased with how much more descriptive this one is. Even if the descriptions are a little heavy. I apologize.  
Until next chapter, everyone. **


	12. Chapter 12

**IMPORTANT NOTE: The heads-up from last chapter still stands in this one! If you're sensitive to those topics, proceed with caution.**

**Chapter Twelve**

My pain didn't end with the coming of daylight. I didn't know why I expected it to.

I laid there, more still than I'd ever been. Laying on my left side, staring at the window across the room. I was even reluctant to take another breath. Despite all he had to do, Carlisle stayed with me. Knowing I was needing him most, and that I was most comfortable with him with me. As comfortable as I could be in my misery.

Carlisle told me he didn't mind staying with me. There wasn't much that could be done regarding Bella at that point, and all he could do right then was try and think of something. Trying to ease my guilt. He sat behind me on the side of the bed, never moving.

Being as still as I was right then was a big change from before. At least I'd stopped pulling my hair out.

"Why do you try?" I mumbled, knowing I'd gained his attention. And probably everyone else's attention as well, "Why do you bother trying to help me? All your time, all the problems I cause.."

Slow tears fell again, and there was something in the way they fell that spoke louder than any voice ever could. They were slow, but they were steady, and they wouldn't be stopped.

"Leandra, the reason I help you is the same it's always been." He replied, "I'm aware that I don't tell you this enough, but I love you like my own daughter. I won't let you give up on yourself."

"I don't deserve it." I cried quietly, closing my eyes as my breath caught on a quiet sob, "I don't deserve to have a family like this one. I don't deserve to be happy, or to have someone who cares whether I live or die."

"Leandra." Carlisle sighed behind me, "You know that's not true."

"No I don't." I murmured, adjusting my hands folded under my cheek, "I want to know better, I try to know better, but it just keeps coming back." I paused for a second, "Dad, I'm so tired of hating myself." I really wasn't sure how he felt about me calling him that, but he took a moment to reply.

"I see now." He murmured, and slowly, I rolled to my back to look up at him, "Leandra, you can't keep hiding it." I looked down at my hands, "You're trying so hard to make people believe you're alright. Something you've been doing for such a very long time. You can't keep doing that."

I was quiet, sniffling quietly, so he continued.

"It keeps coming back because you're hiding how you truly feel." He told me, "I've been waiting for this."

"Dying would be easier." I murmured, sighing shakily.

"You don't want to end your life." He told me, and I looked up at him, "You only want to end your pain. I understand that, Leandra. I do, but killing yourself isn't the way to do that. Putting on such a strong front isn't the way to do that either. You're _so_ young. It's not expected of you to be so strong."

"Yes it is." I mumbled, and he gave me a questioning look, "Everybody else is."

"Leandra." He sighed, shaking his head. He gestured that I sit up, and he pulled me into his side. Hugging me tightly as I curled up into a gently trembling ball against him, "I don't think you fully realize the difference between you and us. You're human."

"I know that." I mumbled, returning his hug.

"Knowing and understanding are different matters." He said, and I remembered the last time he told me that, "You don't understand. Our kind can not only handle much more than you can physically, but we can feel so much more than you can. Our emotional pain tolerance is a lot higher than yours. Though I do clearly see that yours is a lot higher than most humans, it's not without effort. You're trying to hide things that shouldn't be hidden, and it's hurting you because of it."

I didn't reply. I wasn't any less inclined to feel anything more than lost.

"Leandra, listen to me." I looked up at Carlisle as he spoke gently, "Don't hide this anymore. Look at what it's doing to you."

"I have to." I whispered, pain in my eyes, "I can't let it go."

"It's hurting you." He told me, "You're creating more wounds by hiding it than if you just let it go."

"I feel like I should be bleeding, and never stop. Like if I just cut-"

"No." He said firmly, "That's not the way." I held tighter to him, my tears flowing faster.

"I don't know how to let it go." I sobbed into his shirt, "I just want to breathe again. I feel like I haven't taken a breath in my whole life. Everytime I sleep, everytime I close my eyes, every time I _blink _I have to remember why I can't just end it." My voice was choked, hardly above a whisper, "Why can't everything just _stop_? Just pause for three seconds, and give me a break? Whether or not I want to, I keep getting dragged forward when I don't even understand what happened yet."

This was different. The time I admitted this to Jasper, I was mad. Jasper wasn't too happy either, but Carlisle wouldn't react that way. I knew it, because he knew I was hurting. I wasn't shouting this. I was crying this, begging for help I knew only he would be able to give in understanding why I couldn't take a step without falling, and being dragged through the glass of my past. His calm patience, and his compassion wouldn't let him be angry at me for wondering this or admitting this.

"I don't contribute anything to anyone, only hurt them." I murmured quietly, "I still don't know what I'm still doing alive. I've never really been the type to just lay down and quit, but I want to." I paused for several moments. He was quiet, listening, when the others would have told me how wrong I was for feeling this way.

"I want to give up." I mumbled again, "I want this to stop. The pain. The worry, and always being so tense. I'm so sick, and tired, and _fed up_ with everything. So many problems, so many things _wrong _with me, I can't take it sometimes. Just one day of peace with myself is all I ask. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. I'm not okay. I'm not fine. I'm not happy. I'm sick, and tired, and have no energy left to pretend that I am right now." I sighed, closing my eyes around my tears, "I just want it to stop, and I don't know how to do that without making _everything_ stop."

He waited. Waiting to see if I would continue. The silence was heavy in the room, but that could have just been caused by my emotions. Or my endlessly breaking heart.

"I don't think you fully understand this either." I looked up at him again, sobbing quietly, "Leandra, you must understand that you were horribly abused. Violently abused. Every single part of what Jack did to you cut you. His hand, his words, his eyes.."

He paused, seeing me flinch subtly at each word, "Every little look he gave you, each unkind word, each tear he made you shed over what he did, cut you just a little more. He scarred you much more than just physically. Wounds that have yet had a chance to heal. Every time you suppressed a memory, each time you shied away from working through those feelings left behind, you denied yourself a chance to heal." He paused again, "Not anymore." I sobbed again, "You are _not _alone."

"I know I'm not, but.." I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"A past like yours can't be healed over night." He told me, "You need time to come to terms with it. It's like you're expecting yourself to be fine."

"I don't see the use in trying to come to terms with it." I was quiet again, "It won't change anything."

"It won't." He agreed, "It won't change what happened, but it will change the way you see it." I was listening close to each word he told me now. Knowing he was right. Carlisle was always right. His voice had a sort of calming effect to it. Almost like Jasper's gift, but slightly different. Perhaps it was the way he didn't outright tell me I was being stupid, or that I was wrong. He corrected me in a way that once I paid attention to it, I saw where he was coming from.

I'd never noticed that before.

"How do I change the way I see it?" I asked, looking back up at him.

"Sometimes.." He sighed, "The only way to get stronger is to let yourself be weak for a little while."

I looked down, sighing heavily. He was right. Again.

"Like last night?" I asked, and I already knew the answer to that.

"Yes." He confirmed, "I don't want you to hide it anymore. I want you to cry. Don't hold it back. Don't let it kill you. Let it out. Scream, cry. Let it take you to your knees if that's what it takes. Don't keep it in. It might not be what you want, but it's what you need." He held me tighter, comforting me seemingly so easily, "I'm convinced you'll feel better for it. Don't you feel better? Just a little bit?"

I had to admit, I did. Telling him how I felt had made the pain dull at least a little bit. I nodded a little.

"I know you're overwhelmed, Leandra. I know this is hard. This life has been so very hard on you, but please don't give up. We love you more than words could possibly ever hope to describe. I'm so sorry I haven't seen this before." That surprised me enough to sit up and turn to face him. I hadn't intended for him to feel guilty about it. That's what I was trying to avoid!

"No-"

"Yes, Leandra. I should have seen how badly you were hurting. I should have seen the suffering, despite your efforts to hide it." He shook his head a little, "I should have paid more attention, but I promise you. After this is over with, when things settle down, we will work on this together. We'll start from square one if that's what you want, but we will work on this. As we should have been doing from the very start." By his voice, I knew this was a promise he'd keep, "I won't fail you again."

"You didn't fail me." I replied, "I'm just really, really good at hiding."

"I won't fail you again." He repeated, "For as long as you let me, I'll be around to protect you." I couldn't help smiling a little. Once again, he knew just what to say.

"So, you're telling me to act like this more often?"

"As often as you need to." He said, "I'll always be here to talk you down, and don't believe otherwise." I sighed deeply, nodding. I sat there for a moment, looking down.

"You're better at this dad stuff than you give yourself credit for." I told him, sniffling quietly, "Has anyone ever told you that?"

"I'm starting to believe it." He replied.

"Well.." I sighed, "Thank you. For sitting with me the whole night. Even though I'm sure Bella needed you more than I did."

"I was listening." He assured me, "She was alright with Edward." I nodded a little, "And I don't think anyone in the world needed me as much as you did last night. And this morning. I'm glad to have been here."

I took the rest of the day to rest, recovering from my incredibly emotional night and morning. I cried some more, but that was only left over from how I felt before. I slept a lot, and I knew it'd be awhile before I felt somewhat normal again.

Since that night, it took almost all of the next week to convince them that I was okay enough to be on my own again. That I wasn't going to jump in front of the nearest car. One bad night wasn't so bad considering what I was living with, but they weren't easily calmed. Not after that.

Bella's health continued to decline. Another month in a half in a week. It wasn't slowing down. On top of that, the baby had become active, moving and bruising her skin. It became painfully clear that the baby was much stronger than she was. Even I could see that.

So I stayed home for a week, growing increasingly edgy, and by the time I was finally allowed to leave the house alone, I hit the door running. I hated seeing Bella going through that, especially when I knew the outcome wasn't going to be anything good.

Of course, with the cell phone in my pocket, and a promise to answer every call that came to it, I made my way toward town. I had one destination in mind, and as much as I wanted to stay away, I had to go there. If trouble was my only friend, I'd take that over what was going on at home. Watching Bella die a little more each day was hard enough, and I just needed something, anything to distract me from that.

Josh had to be ungrounded by then, and given the fact that it was Friday, I knew he'd be home. Mike answered the door, and smiled when he saw me.

"Long time no see, kiddo." He laughed and I smiled a little in response, "The boys aren't home right now, I'm afraid. They're over at Andrew's for the weekend."

"They're getting along better?" I asked, hopeful.

"Oh yeah." He nodded confidently, "Boys will be boys. You know how they are." I smiled again, sighing. I stood there for a second, thinking.

Without me around, they finally got along better. Staying away had worked in fixing their friendship, but I was suddenly reluctant to see them. Knowing full well that as soon as I showed up again, they would be right back where they'd started.

"Okay." I finally said, "Thanks."

"Hey." I paused at another voice behind Mike in the door way, "There she is. The kid that showed me how to get here." It was the older guy, the one I'd directed to the house. He was still there, to my surprise.

"Leandra?" Mike seemed surprised, "Wow, it sure is a small town."

"Did you ever make it to your dad's?" He asked conversationally.

"Not yet." I admitted quietly, "I'll probably give him a call."

"You should do that." He agreed wholeheartedly, "Don't want you becoming a snack for some lucky bear, now do we?"

"I wouldn't anyway." I replied, and he laughed.

"You say this is the Leandra I've heard so much about?" He asked, looking to Mike, "The boys' little girlfriend? She's adorable." He laughed, holding his hand out to me, "Name's Ken." I eyed his hand, unsure for a moment. He waited, giving me a look until I finally placed my hand in his briefly.

The moment my hand touched his, I hated this man. My stomach dropped into my toes, and I pulled my hand from his, unconsciously bringing my hands behind my back. This wasn't the normal cautiousness I felt around strangers, but an actual fear.

I knew nothing about him but his name, but I knew he was no good. I wanted no part of him.

"Thanks." I muttered, stepping back slowly off the step, "I should be going."

"Nonsense." He barked, and his hand closed on my arm before I could jump away, "Josh is coming by for some stuff. Sit awhile, darling." He tugged me inside between himself and Mike.

"Kenneth, I think she'd rather go." Mike stuck up for me, seeing how uncomfortable I was now, "I'm sure she'll be by later. Won't you, honey?" Mike took my other arm a little gentler and pulled me from Ken's hand.

"Absolutely." I muttered quietly, though I had actually no intentions of coming back.

"Nah." Ken's hand closed on my shoulder now, and I spluttered excuses the entire way to the living room, "She'll be fine. I don't bite." I actually had doubts about that, as much as it creeped me out. I didn't blame Josh and Zack one bit for deciding to go to Andrew's. I wanted nothing more than to run there myself.

"So." He sat me down beside him on the couch, "Tell me about yourself. All I know about you, little lady, is that you're pretty rude and don't mind a little cursing now and then."

"Uh.." I had no idea where to even begin. I tried to stand up, but his hand on my shoulder sat me back down. I was stiff as stone under his hand, too scared to even tremble correctly. Mike's eyes on us, he sat down across from us on the loveseat.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Ken finally laughed beside me, "Me first." I really didn't want to know anything about him. I just wanted to leave. Before I could decline, he spoke up, "I've actually heard so much about you, Leandra." Even him saying my name made me want to puke. I hated everything about him, and it didn't matter what he told me. I'd always hate this man. Then he spoke again.

"I'm the boys' grandpa. Heather's dad." As soon as I pieced that together, I attempted to stand up again, but he sat me back down roughly now, "They've told me so much about you, kid. I hear you knew Jack pretty well?"

"I've really got to go." I managed to choke out, "I don't mean to be rude, but.. M-My dad.."

"He can wait." Ken chuckled, purposefully ignoring my discomfort now, "So, tell me. How'd you know my son?" I was positive he knew that answer already. Just by his tone, and the way he looked at me, "Come on."

"He.. Was my stepdad." I muttered, and Ken smiled.

"Really now?" He asked, intensely interested now.

"Yes." I murmured uncomfortably. I refused to meet his eyes. How had I not seen this before? It had never occured to me. His hand felt too warm on my shoulder, and with each passing second, I had to fight back the urge to bite him. He was pure evil's _father_, and here I was, stuck with him. I couldn't stand him being so close to me, watching me so closely. Not after the dreams I'd been having lately. Not with remembering Jack so vividly.

Then I paused, my brow creasing in thought and concern. The dreams, unexplainable and so very suddenly starting up. I had been remembering what life was like the very first few years I knew Jack. Had that been a warning to me?

It made sense that I'd be warned about this, because this man was who'd taught Jack to be the way he was. Whether by example, or by demonstration.

"Well." Ken prompted, "How was he?" I stiffened even more, looking over at him and he smiled, "As a father?" That wasn't what he meant. I stared him down for several seconds, and his smile widened even more, "I'll bet he was one of the best dads out there." He'd lose that bet. Maybe in his own mind, but not in mine.

My phone suddenly rang in my pocket, and I darted up while Ken was distracted.

"Thank god." Was how I answered the phone. I hadn't even checked to see who it was.

"Leandra." It was Carlisle, "Are you alright?"

"Dad." I sighed, looking to Ken, "Yeah, I'm alright. I'm fine." Ken looked a little disappointed but his smile never faded.

"I want you to come home as quickly as you can. Something's come up." Carlisle continued, "But be careful."

"On my way now." I said, "I'll be there as soon as I can." I hung up, and scooted quickly toward the door with a quiet, "My dad wants me home."

"Let me give you a ride." Ken said, standing, "I've got to go into town anyway." My heart dropped again, and I could swear it stopped.

"Um.." I murmured, pausing by the door, "No thanks." Why the hell would I pause? I should have run from the house as quickly as I could.

"Like I'm going to let you walk that far alone again." He said, obviously confused, "Bears, remember?" He didn't know I had two dads. I really didn't feel like explaining it to him, or showing him where I lived. I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

"I really don't need-"

"Don't argue with me." That shut me up. Mike stood as Ken's hand found my shoulder again, steering me out the door, "I'll be back later, Mike." With that, he shut the door behind him, closing off a concerned Mike, and led me toward his car.

I took a breath, trying to calm down. He'd have to be insane to do anything to me between now and my dad's. I would let him drive me to my dad's house, and that'd be it. He'd drop me off, and I'd never have to see him again.

He was obviously not one to argue with, so when he led me around the car, and made sure I sat down, closing the door behind me, I sat stock still. I went to open the door once he started around the car, but he locked it with the remote in his hand.

Unfortunately this car was newer, and the passenger door wouldn't open automatically from the inside if it was locked like that. He climbed in quickly with a small chuckle.

"Flight risk, eh?" He laughed, starting the car. I whimpered silently, looking out the window as we pulled away from the house.

My stomach was in knots. I hadn't been this scared in a very long time. Not with Bella, not at any point with my family. I knew to be afraid of him. I still didn't know if he was crazy enough to say anything. Not knowing was what was scared me the most.

Once he left town, he slowed significantly. Giving himself more time with me. That was my answer. Every known curse word crossed my mind as I looked worriedly out the window, biting my lip.

"He told me all about you, Leandra." He said conversationally, "I've just never seen a picture of you. He's told me everything there is to know about you, and about your mother, and frankly, I don't approve." I looked over, but he didn't look back at me, "How you've managed to befriend my grandsons, I'll never know, but I'm going to fix that. They don't need someone like you ruining their lives the way you ruined my son's."

"I didn't-"

"Hush." His voice was stronger than Jack's was as a command, and it instantly had me cowering in my seat, "Did I tell you to talk? No? Then shut up." Nobody had talked to me that way since Jack. This was a very harsh lesson. One that I already knew, but this just became real. Don't fucking trust strangers!

"Honestly." Ken continued, "If I wanted your opinion, I would beat it out of you." He gripped the wheel tighter, "If Jack would have just been smarter, I wouldn't have to clean up after him."

"You can't do anything to me." I told him, glaring over at him, "My dad will kill you." It was true.

"Well, damn. Really?" He asked, seeming honestly surprised. I was confused at first, until he spoke again, "Is he here right now? Because I'd love to meet the guy." He was mocking me, "When he shows up, let me know, okay? Then I'll definitely let you go."

"Fuck you." I spat in his direction, and received nothing but his hand around the back of my neck. He squeezed tightly, and yanked me closer. I winced heavily, trying to pry his fingers loose, as a vaguely noticed him slow to a stop on the side of the highway. I didn't dare bite him, knowing he wouldn't stand for that.

"What was that?" He asked innocently, meeting my eyes, "I didn't quite hear you." I didn't repeat it, and after awhile of holding me there without a word from me, he laughed, shaking me roughly, "Come on, kid. I'm getting older. You have to speak up."

"I'm sorry." I whimpered, trembling in my pain and fear.

"One more time, honey." I was really hurting now, and losing my temper quite quickly. I clung to it desperately, knowing I wouldn't benefit in the slightest by losing it.

"I'm sorry!" I finally shouted, squeezing my eyes shut.

He laughed and let me go. Shoving me away from him hard enough to send me back against the passenger door. I tried the door handle again in my panic, but realized it was still locked. As long as the car was running, it stayed locked. I couldn't pull up on it either. I was stuck.

"Nifty little feature, isn't it?" He asked, amused, "Anyway, I only want a little bit of information from you. Among other things."

"What do you want to know?" I demanded, turning back around in my seat and flattening myself back against the door. As far away from him as I could get.

"You're going to answer my question, and you'll answer it promptly and honestly." He wasn't joking around anymore, and it startled me how quickly he could change tones, "Understand?" His tone wasn't one to deny, so numbly, I nodded.

"Good." He smiled a little, "I want to know about the night my son died." That threw me off, "Last I heard from him, the night he died, he was going to see you. He told me he had a tiny little score to settle, and would call me later with the details. I never got that call." He paused, and my mind was running a hundred miles an hour.

Desperately searching for a pack of lies to give him, until he continued, "It took him ten minutes to get from his house to yours." I went to speak, but he interrupted me with just a raise of his hand, "I know exactly where you live, darling. The address, the location of the drive way, I could even give you the goddamn lat-long coordinates. Save your lies." I was quiet now, "Continuing, the time it took him to get to your house from his apartment was ten minutes. If that. Not to mention.." He trailed off with a pause, narrowing his eyes a little bit, "The complete opposite direction of where his car was found. I want to know what exactly happened that night, and I want to know now."

He waited, but I was petrified. I couldn't speak, even if I had anything to say. Glancing around, I spotted the unlock button on the console, but it was closer to him than it was to me. I couldn't touch it without him stopping me first.

"Promptly, honey. Remember?" He grumbled, and I heard the last of his patience trail away with his voice. He knew more about that night than even I did.

"How did he get out of prison?" I asked instead. Hoping that would buy me some time. To my relief, Ken laughed. Finding my question funny.

"I wasn't born yesterday, sweetheart." He replied, "And I'm for damn sure not poor. I made sure he had the best goddamn lawyer money could buy. When that shithead didn't do his job right, I fired him, and I got him a better one. It wasn't easy, let me tell you, but trust me. His record was spotless, until you opened your fucking mouth, and ruined that for him."

My heart pounded, and I could clearly see the old saying, 'Like father, like son' wasn't a lie. Except this father had a score to settle, and I was the one that caused the need to settle that score. He wasn't happy with me.

"Now." He barked, making me jump, "Your turn."

"I-I.." I mumbled, flattening back against the door even further. I couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't. He'd think I was lying anyway if I did.

"Trust me, kid." His tone was a lot darker now. Darker than I'd ever heard someone's voice before, and that included Jack, "I have no problems making you disappear." I was silent in my fear, "Bears, remember? They wouldn't even find the pieces. This is my son we're discussing now. My only son. He meant more to me than you ever will, and I have no doubts you know exactly what happened."

"Okay." I jumped as he reached out to grab me again, and he paused, "I can only tell you what I saw happen myself." He waited, lowering his hand.

"Don't you attempt to lie to me." He warned me clearly.

"He showed up." My voice shook, "I very stupidly let him in, but-" I cut off at a tap at his window. I nearly shouted in relief at the sight of a cops uniform outside the drivers side window. I hadn't even noticed that we'd been spotted.

"Not a word." My stomach did flips at his quiet growl. I trembled lightly, eying the unlock button again as he turned his attention to his window. Rolling it down, his voice was pleasant again.

I had to go for it.

I jumped forward, slamming my fist against the unlock button beside his knee, and I was relieved when I heard the door locks open. Once more nearly shouting in relief.

Spinning, I threw open the passenger door and clawed my way out of the car, and scrambled to my feet.

Racing over the grass on the shoulder of the highway, I jumped into the trees. I didn't stop when I heard the cop shout behind me. I was rather curious, though, when nobody was there to collect me. My family wasn't waiting for me.

I stopped to catch my breath several minutes later, looking around myself in the trees. I knew he wasn't the type to hunt someone down. He probably fed the cop some excuse about how he'd just had a fight with his granddaughter, and I'd come home eventually. I did know the town well, after all.

After awhile of listening to the birds around me, a panicking thought went through my mind. I thought about what Ken told me. He knew where I lived.

That thought alone was enough to make me cry a little. A few panicking sobs leaving me until I held my breath, forcing myself to calm down. I had to get home first. I would figure it out from there.

I didn't dare leave the trees, but I followed the highway back toward town. Running as fast as I could in the direction of home. Of the safety of my family. I knew it would have been faster going to my dad's, but he wasn't the one I wanted.

I kept careful watch for Ken's car, but I didn't see it the entire way. Panting hard when I had to slow to a quick walk, looking around me before running again.

I didn't stop to notice how quiet it was on the driveway. Normally, there were plenty of birds chirping in the thick trees on either side of the drive, but today, there weren't any. Whatsoever. I continued running, though, cutting through the trees when I didn't feel like following the curve of it. Feeling eyes on me the entire way.

Running as quickly as I could across the yard, and straight up the steps, and right into Alice's arms. She and Jasper had been waiting there, knowing I was coming. I was breathing too hard to cry, thankfully. Either that, or Jasper was helping me without me paying too much attention. Emmett had shown up behind us in the doorway.

"Where were you?" I asked as calmly as I could, pulling back and looking up at Alice, "I ran here as fast as I could."

"Calm down first." She told me, ushering me inside. Before I could make it through the door, I turned slightly at a growl further off in the trees. Across the river, at least, but it was loud enough to faintly hear it. My curiosity piqued. Alice stepped forward and took my arm lightly, leading me the rest of the way into the house.

"What was that?" I asked, watching as Emmett closed the door behind us.

"Them learning that you're still living here." Emmett grumbled, glaring out the window as we made our way further into the house. I was curious, but I didn't want to ask just yet.

I was safe, and I was at home. That's all that mattered to me right then. I just wanted to hide out here for awhile.

"Stay away from there." Alice said, hugging me with a sigh. I nodded, "I don't know how long he's staying, but I don't want you anywhere near him."

"Who?" Emmett asked, and it was clear Alice had been discreet.

"I mean it, Leandra." She stressed, "Stay away from him."

"Stay away from who?" Emmett asked again.

"I know." I replied, "I'm not that stupid." As I stood there, Jasper reached out and gathered my hair, revealing probably the dark bruise I had on the back of my neck once again. Given the fact that Emmett's attention had been grabbed, and he moved closer, taking a look with a growl, there definitely was a bruise there. I ignored them, my nerves already rattled enough.

"I'm not saying you're stupid." Alice countered, "But I know you're stubborn, and you're a little too brave for your own good." I moved away from Jasper, and he let me.

"I don't disagree with you there." I sighed, sitting in a chair, curling a pillow to myself, "Right now, I'm just.. More than happy to be home."

"That's good." Alice nodded, "Because.. It'd probably be a good idea to.. Stay home for awhile."

"For a few days at least." I allowed, closing my eyes and laying my head to the side. I was exhausted. I was exhausted, but oddly calm after that ordeal. Just now catching my breath, and I was too warm from my run, but I was calm about it. I looked to Jasper, but I didn't say anything. I really didn't feel like freaking out right then, so I allowed him to keep helping me.

I would raise the question of what to do about Ken after a nap.

I briefly wondered if this calm would stay if I slept, and that reminded me. The dreams I'd been having. I wanted to ask Alice about them, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to ask or not. I was half afraid of the answer, but I wanted to know.

Before I could, however, Jacob came into the room. I picked my head up, curious. I hadn't seen him in quite awhile, now suddenly he was here?

"What is she doing back here?" He asked, Carlisle and Esme trailing in from behind him. Suddenly he was here, and demanding to know why I was here. Esme crossed the room to my side, sighing in relief and clearing my hair from my shoulder. I gave her a small smile before turning my eyes back to Jacob.

I narrowed my eyes, "I live here, remember?"

"Yes." He said in a very obvious tone, "But I would have figured they'd find a safer place for you, considering-"

"Jacob." Carlisle spoke up, and he looked to him.

"She doesn't know." Jake replied, but it wasn't a question, "Are you all allergic to telling humans the truth?" I didn't appreciate the tone he used toward my family.

"Watch it." I barked at him, and to my slight surprise, Rose smirked.

"We haven't had a chance to tell her yet." Carlisle explained.

"Instead of bringing her here, why didn't you just make arrangements for her wherever she was?" Jacob demanded, "She could have been just fine-"

"Shut up." I barked again, glaring, "It's not up to you."

"Aren't you precious?" Jacob was obviously irritated with me.

"Normally, I'd be inclined to agree with you, Jacob." Carlisle said, "But she's a special circumstance."

"And I'm plenty safe here, thank you very much." I continued at Jacob, "Safer than anywhere else." I yawned a little, "So back off, would you?" I didn't need to know the truth to stay on my family's side. They would tell me when I needed to know.

"Special enough to risk her life?" Jake asked Carlisle in return, "Were you listening to a word I said?" I didn't like the way he was trying to get me kicked out. I hardly knew the guy. I was about to speak up again, when Rose said something first.

"Don't worry, Leandra." She told me, again to my surprise, "You're not going anywhere." I glanced to her briefly, before turning my eyes back to Jacob and settling back further into the chair.

"I'd feel better keeping her here, Jacob." Carlisle wasn't budging on this, much to my relief, "I'll explain, but she stays." Carlisle gave a final nod, and Jake sighed, looking to me again. He didn't know me any more than I knew him. Who was he to demand that I leave? I didn't like it.

"Then explain." Jacob said, looking back to Carlisle. Carlisle sighed and gestured that Jacob follow him. I watched after them, glaring at Jacob's back.

"I don't like him." I muttered, cuddling the pillow closer to me.

"You're not alone there." Rose nodded, taking her usual place beside Bella.

"Rosalie." Esme sighed beside me, and Rose sighed as well.

"I know." She rolled her eyes a little, "He's done a lot for us, but still. Look at her." She gestured to me, "He's made her uncomfortable. In her own house." I wanted to ask why she suddenly liked me now, but I didn't want to change her mind.

"I'm sure her afternoon didn't help." Alice murmured, her eyes on me. That reminded me once more.

"He didn't know." Esme reasoned, "When he does, he'll leave her be." I looked down with a sigh. Laying my head back down on the armrest of the chair, I closed my eyes. Fully realizing then just how tired I was. I decided then to ask, before I could be interrupted again.

"Alice, what's it like to get a vision?" I opened my eyes, looking to her without picking up my head. I hadn't asked that question specifically before.

"Well." She said quietly, "It's like.." She paused, as if looking for the right words, "Imagine this entire conversation not really happening." I frowned in confusion, "It's very realistic. You see an entire situation that can span several minutes, hours, or even days in the matter of a few seconds."

"Oh." I said, understanding a little more.

"You hear things like you normally would, see and smell, feel everything you normally would. It's a little disorienting at first, until you get used to it."

"Have you ever had a vision of the past?" I asked quietly, deeply curious.

She was quiet for a moment, "Not personally, but I've heard it's possible. Why do you ask?"

"No reason." I mumbled, curling the pillow tighter to me, "Would it be the same, do you think?"

"From what I've heard, it's just the same." She was suspicious, but she was quiet for a few moments. Obviously waiting for me to volunteer the information she was looking for. When I didn't, she spoke again.

"Leandra," She murmured gently, "Is that what you think you've been seeing as you sleep? Because the differences between past visions and nightmares are huge."

"How different?" I mumbled, looking back down at the pillow. I didn't want to meet her eyes, so I traced the edge of the pillow with my finger tips instead.

"For one, they're a lot more realistic." She said, "If it was a vision, you'd feel everything again. See, hear, smell everything just the same as you did back then." She was quiet for a moment, "If it were just a nightmare, you'd not understand so much about it. You'd know immediately that it was just a dream." I knew I had everyone's attention now. Alice's voice was carefully inquisitive as she spoke again, "Have you noticed a difference like that?"

I was quiet for a moment. I wasn't sure if I should tell her or not.

"The difference between the two is huge, Leandra." She said, "If you're actually experiencing everything like you were before, in such a vivid way, that concerns me for someone as young as you are." I glanced up, meeting her eyes. I still wasn't sure, "You have, haven't you?"

They all took my continued silence as answer.

"That certainly explains the episode last week." Jasper murmured, and I glanced to him. He looked to Edward, "Why haven't you said anything? You had to have noticed a difference."

"It wasn't my place." He replied quietly, his eyes never leaving Bella. That's all he would say on it. I watched as Alice pursed her lips and looked to Jasper.

It was very quiet in the room now, and I had a feeling the conversation was over for the time being, until I couldn't hear them speak about it. I felt comfortable enough to close my eyes. As tired as I was, it was a very easy thing to fall asleep right where I was. Exhaustion slowing my breath and my heart rate. My grip on the pillow relaxing.

I was vaguely aware when I listened to Jacob return, his footsteps giving him away. I knew Carlisle followed, but I didn't feel like opening my eyes enough to look.

I was snoozing, but not quite asleep yet when Alice spoke again.

"This worries me. I don't know of a way to stop visions. I don't think you understand just how realistic these are, Carlisle. It's just as real as this conversation is. But as she sleeps. This is worse than before, with her anxiety problems."

"Are you sure it's a separate issue?" Jasper asked quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, before, with everything going through her mind at once, it could have been her mind trying to clear itself all at once." He said, "As if expanding. Knowing she'd need the extra room. She mentioned that it had been going on for awhile, but never quite that intense before. After a few nights of solid rest, she seemed better. With all of that out of the way, she started having nightmares again, but these weren't the same." I didn't move, not wanting to seem awake. I didn't want to face anything right then.

"These nightmares, or past visions, or whatever they are.." Jasper mused quietly, continuing as if I'd answered him, "Could just be a practice run. Preparing her for what it's going to be like to see ahead, instead of seeing backwards."

"That's a very good point, Jazz. I hadn't thought of that." Alice sighed, "But that still doesn't help her now. I'm worried about what experiencing all of that again is doing to her."

"She's tough." Emmett pointed out.

"How many more episodes like the one last week is she going to go through?" Alice asked quietly, "What happens if we're not around to catch one of them? I can't even begin to imagine the pain she goes through when she sees something like that all over again."

"I can." Jasper murmured, "It bothers me how she usually refuses to let me help her." The truth I heard in that statement was almost enough to wake me up. It really did bother him.

Carefully calm Jasper actually showed emotion in his words, but I reasoned, that was only because he thought I was asleep. Still, though. It was nice to know he did care about me.

I smiled a little, falling asleep before I heard a response.

**A/N: Woo. So much information in here, I can barely stand it. I'll keep this short and sweet.  
Chapter thirteen will _probably_ be a bit of a wait. I've got so much crap piling up on me this week, it's not even funny.  
THANK YOUUUU to my beautiful, fantastic reviewers! You rule. (:  
If there are any mistakes in this chapter, I do apologize. I've hardly slept or eaten in the last three days or so. Feel free to leave me your thoughts. I love to read them!  
As always, I'll update my author's Facebook page often. Or as often as I can. Usually with useless information, but hey. There's some chapter information in there sometimes. (:  
Anyhoo. So much for short.  
Until next chapter, guys!  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**IMPORTANT NOTE: No, no suicide talk this time around, but a pretty violent description is hidden in this chapter somewhere. Be warned, my friends. Proceed with caution if you're sensitive to violence. **

**Chapter Thirteen**

"So.." I mumbled that afternoon, "You can't leave the house? At all?"

At Jacob's pushing, they were finally filling me in. After telling me all about the wolves, the very same ones I saw in the clearing that day I watched them train, they moved on to tell me that those same wolves weren't happy. The same ones they fought alongside had turned on them, which was a big problem.

"At all." Carlisle sighed, "Not until this somehow gets sorted out."

"And Sam's not really up for conversation." Jake added quietly.

"They didn't do anything to me, though." I said, confused.

"That's because you're human." Jake replied, "You have no part in this. At least, you didn't when they saw you. Now, as much as they hate it, they see you as someone standing between them and protecting the tribe."

"That's stupid." I said, frowning.

"They now see you as a willing participant." He paused, "An easy target."

"Whoa." I said, "Those overgrown dogs need to back off." Rose smirked again, rubbing Bella's back. She was awake for once, and not happily so. The baby had managed to crack her rib earlier today. I winced when I was told that.

"No offense to you, of course, Jacob." I added, "You're different." He smirked, finding that amusing.

"They don't mess around when it comes to the safety of the tribe, or the humans in town. The unknown scares them. Especially when dealing with vampires." Jacob explained, "I can see where they're coming from." He paused, glancing to Bella, "But I don't agree with his decision to attempt to remove the threat before it's even born."

"So.." I sighed, trying to figure it out, "I'm a target now?"

"Yes." Jake nodded, "And a very easy one."

"So that means I can't leave the house either." I mumbled, and he gave me an apologetic look, "Well, shit." He smirked again, "Maybe we just need to get very big chew bones. Or a rolled up newspaper."

"Right." Jacob said at Rosalie's laughter, "I think I'll go let Seth get some sleep." With that, he turned. Leaving the room, and soon the house.

"That wasn't very nice, Leandra." Esme pointed out, and I looked down.

"Sorry." I replied, "I just can't help it. A willing participant?" I paused, "I mean, they're right, but still. What threat could I pose? Really."

"Leandra." Carlisle didn't like the determination in my voice.

"It's not like I can do anything to them." I reasoned, "Sam is just pissed because Jake ratted on him. He needs to get over himself. If anything happens, I'll do what I can, but.." I trailed off with a small shrug.

"If anything happens." Emmett spoke up, "You'll stay your butt out of the way, shorty."

I sighed, shrugging again.

"So.." I just thought of something, looking up, "If you can't leave, that means you can't.." I trailed off, and Carlisle nodded. I looked down, "That complicates things."

"We'll be alright, Leandra." Esme assured me, "Don't worry."

"Two humans in the house?" I asked, "Without a way to hunt?"

"We'll be alright." She repeated, sitting on the armrest of the chair I was seated in, "You have enough to worry about, sweety." That also reminded me. I looked to Jasper.

"I appreciate the help, but you don't have to keep it up." I told him.

"I'll work on lessening it gradually." He replied quietly, "All at once, you'd be right where you were a week ago."

I nodded, letting him know that was acceptable.

"Leandra, about these dreams." He stepped around the couch, "I'm worried."

"I'll be alright." I said, giving a small smile, "You've got enough to worry about." I sighed, "I didn't dream last night. Maybe that was the worst of it."

"I doubt it, Leandra." Carlisle commented, "I really do." I looked down, not liking the way he was right.

"I can always hope, right?" I shrugged again.

"Nothing wrong with that." Bella added, and I gave her a small smile.

I sighed, "I'm just not looking forward to remembering everything like that. It hurts." Nobody replied. Esme only placed her arm around my shoulder, hugging me gently, "I'd like to return this gift now. I hope my mom kept the receipt."

Nobody laughed, least of all me. I felt bad for admitting that the dreams bothered me. They really did have enough to worry about without me adding onto it.

"No big deal, though." I murmured, keeping my eyes on my hands, "I'll live."

"You're doing it again." Carlisle said, and I looked up.

"Doing what?"

"Playing it down." He clarified, "Exactly what I said not to do." I hadn't even noticed.

"You have enough." I shook my head, "I hate adding to it."

"We worry about you anyway, shorty." Emmett pointed out from his spot by the window, "That's nothing new, so you wouldn't be adding to anything." I thought about that for a moment, eventually sighing and shaking my head. It was still too big of a risk to take. I didn't want to risk adding more when they already had so much to worry about.

"I'll be fine." I repeated quietly, and I heard the sighs of disappointment.

"She's stuck on a memory of herself at five years old." I looked to Edward as he spoke, "It's bothering her, because she remembers it so very clearly."

"That's not fair." I narrowed my eyes his direction.

"I'm sorry." He said, "I really am, but you thinking that you don't matter bothers me. I have to say something."

"It's stupid." I said, standing, "Stay out of my head."

"For the last two weeks, Leandra, I've had front row seats to your past." He said, "I've stayed quiet, because I know what it means to you to hide it, but Carlisle is right. The longer you refuse to face it, the more it hurts you."

"I'm fine."

"You really think you don't matter, shorty?" Emmett asked, "Why would you think that?"

"Because she thinks that she's too focused on her past." Edward answered, and I glared his way. My cheeks burning in embarrassment, "She firmly believes that she's getting on our nerves with it."

"Well, this has been fun." I grumbled, heading for the hallway.

"Leandra, you might as well stay." Edward called, "I can hear you in there too, and trust me. I know you'd feel a lot better if you could hear what I tell them."

"Edward, you shouldn't." Esme's voice made me pause, "If she's not comfortable telling us herself, then I don't think you should. It's not fair."

"What she's doing to herself isn't fair." He replied patiently, "She's refusing to let herself face it while she can consciously correct it. If she keeps this up, which she has every intention of doing, it'll only get worse the older she gets."

"I know you're trying to help," Rose spoke up, and I looked to her, "But trust me. Esme is right. Don't give away her thoughts and memories, Edward. Let it be."

"I am only trying to help." Edward agreed with her.

"Think about it this way." She said, "She's always had the privacy of her mind. That's one thing that's never been messed with or taken from her." She paused, "And what are you trying to do right now?" I bit my lip, hoping he took her advice, "She'll work through it on her own time. Until then, don't be nosey." Edward looked to me now where I stood in the hallway.

"You remember how much I hated having my mind picked?" Rose asked, "How defensive I got when you pressured me to talk to you all about everything? Jasper already gives away how she feels every chance he gets. Let her thoughts belong to her."

I couldn't even begin to describe the surprise, or the gratitude I felt toward Rosalie. Especially when Edward sighed, and turned with a nod. With that nod, he agreed to stay out of it, thanks to Rosalie.

"Thank you, Rosalie." I murmured. She gave me a small nod, and a very forced tiny smile. She still didn't like me, but she would stick up for me on this. I'd take that. Gladly. She seemed to understand how much having my own thoughts meant to me.

The day faded to night, and I found myself pretty reluctant to go to bed, but I was pretty tired. Especially after spending the night in the chair. I couldn't do that every night like I wanted to. For the first time, I actually got the very slight impression that I was only in the way.

I'd thought it before, but when I asked to stay out there all night, all I got was a sigh and a shaking head. So I went to bed. That night, though, when I dreamed, something new happened. Edward had every right to be concerned, and I was starting to see that. I had every right to dread going to sleep.

Instead of Edward having to tell Esme to come in and wake me up, I got her attention myself. The dream I had wasn't a memory of being six, or seven years old. Now in this dream or memory, I was nine, and I was getting beaten. Receiving the black bruising welts I'd gotten the night before I met Carlisle, and to my dismay, I reacted.

I saw Jack in my dream, or vision. Whatever this was, he was there, and I was there. I heard his voice like an echo, like watching an old movie. I heard the sound the belt made through the air, and I heard the snap of it against me before the pain would hit me. Each snap, each violent slap took my breath away, and had me writhing in pain on the floor. Or in this case, the bed. The past and the present really blurred. There was no telling which was which, but somehow, I could still tell. Even though I clearly felt it now what I felt then.

The previous dreams had been more vague, less likely to make me react, but this was too much. I hadn't reacted in my sleep like this before.

I felt everything I felt, and I reacted just as I did back then. Crying, sobbing loudly and screaming in pain at each heavy slap against me. The pain just as intolerable, and just as real as anything else I'd ever felt.

I was aware when Esme came in quickly, followed by Carlisle. I was awake at that point, but I still felt it. I was still in the middle of the nightmare, which told me it wasn't a nightmare. This was what Alice considered a past vision, really seeing for undeniable certainty that this wasn't just a memory. Seeing for myself how very real visions were, and what it was like to go through them. This was a new kind of hell that I couldn't escape from.

I was still feeling it, still seeing it. Esme pulled me to her, holding me securely, but my eyes stayed closed. Shut tight, and I jumped roughly each time I felt a hit, trembling violently in between them. Sobbing loudly, wailing desperately, but I held onto her as hard as I could. Tears flooded down my cheeks, and I waited for death just as much as I did back then.

The vision eventually ended, but it was still very clear in my mind.

After I finally opened my eyes for a brief second, I still cried. Clinging tightly to her arms around me. I didn't look to the small audience I had near the door, and I didn't look to Carlisle. I knew for a fact that I didn't have a mark on me, but I still felt the pain. The unbearably burning, desperately aching pain of each new welt I'd gotten that night just under the skin.

My pain wasn't real, but it was real to me. It was very real. My dreams had gone from being emotionally painful, to physically punishing me, and I never wanted to sleep again if it meant going through that.

"Ow.." I choked on my sobs, trying to convey just how much pain I was in. Each cry I gave radiating the agony through my skin. It was beginning to fade by then, but not quickly enough.

Esme continued to hold me, murmuring sadly that everything was fine. I heard the pain in her voice, felt how hard this was on her each time she stroked my hair. I held tight to her in return, my voice the only thing giving away my pain. I couldn't move very well, and each breath I took in was torture.

"Carlisle." Jasper's tone had me finally look to my small audience, "Do you still have that medication?" I choked a little more, trying so hard to keep from throwing up again.

"No." I cried his direction, and he looked to me. Meeting my crying eyes with determined ones of his own.

"Don't argue with me." He told me firmly, "Leandra, that was horrifying. Witnessing you go through that, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. No. You'll start taking that medication again until we can figure out what to do." His tone was strong, one not at all open for debate. His arms were around Alice, who seemed to be having a harder time than he was. She understood what I'd just gone through.

"Every night." Jasper continued, "Until further notice."

"I won't take it!" I shouted, and forced myself to sit up, making the nonexistant pain flare violently. Making it, if possible, even more real. I couldn't stay sitting up. It was too much for me to handle. Esme pulled me back into her arms, almost cradling me to her. It was the pain I was in that made me shout. It made me defensive, and horribly, desperately so. Continuing to tremble violently, taking deep breaths around loud sobs I couldn't control.

"Yes, you-"

"Jasper." Carlisle interrupted him, "Give her time to calm down." I couldn't quite figure out the emotion in Carlisle's voice. It was something of a mix between anger, deep anger and fear. Not quite fear, but I heard the defense in his voice. Like he was guarded just as much as I was.

I was scared. So completely terrified. I knew what happened, I understood it, but I couldn't comprehend it. I understood what happened, but it was so hard to imagine that I was actually fine. That I had no marks on me whatsoever. Not with the pain I was in.

The more the pain faded, becoming just a distant memory once again, the easier it became to breathe. To allow myself to calm down, and slow my crying. Once again, the tears wouldn't be stopped, but at least I could see again and speak.

"Please." I whimpered, finally opening my eyes again and looking up at Esme, "Don't make me sleep again." I knew that was a fruitless request, because I knew I'd have to sleep eventually.

"Shorty." Emmett now stood behind Jasper and Alice in the doorway, "What was that?"

"One of the worst nights of my life." I whimpered, my trembling voice hardly making a sound.

"When?" He asked, and I glanced down. They didn't know that was one of the last beatings I've gotten. They didn't know anything about what the vision was about. Only that I felt it.

"That.. That was what happened the night before I met you guys." He winced, looking to Carlisle.

"Okay." Emmett said, nodding a little, "I don't feel so bad anymore. I just wish I could kill that bastard again. And make it more painful this time."

I laid back, closing my eyes. Letting Esme hold me. Hearing that didn't make me feel any better. I didn't care what happened to Jack. All I cared about was the faint echo of pain in the back of my mind. I knew there was nothing wrong with me, but there had been. Over a year and a half ago now, but that was still long enough to have almost forgotten completely just how much pain I'd been that night.

"I'd forgotten how much that hurt." I murmured, "I won't forget again. Never."

I caught myself in a yawn, realizing just how tired I was after that, and my cries started again. Esme held me again, knowing why I was upset. I didn't want to sleep again, only to find that vision again.

"No more." I cried into her arm, "Please not again." I was losing it. I had to be. There really was no way I could go through that with my full sanity intact. No way in hell.

I looked up, watching as Carlisle turned, striding from the room. Jasper turned as well, following him. Maybe a minute later, they both came back in, and headed straight for the bed. I looked to the small bottle of pills in Jasper's hand, sitting up.

"I know you hate pressure, Leandra, but-"

"No." I interrupted Jasper, "I already said-"

"I know what you said." He said, sighing and sitting on the side of the bed, "Just listen to what I'm telling you."

"You're not hearing me." I mumbled, shaking my head.

"I hear you just fine." He told me, "But are you hearing me?" His tone was softer than I'd heard it before, almost pleading. He'd calmed down. Either he'd calmed down, or Carlisle explained how his demanding tone would only make me defensive. His tone now made me reluctant to keep fighting him.

"Please, Leandra. I can't stand to see you in so much pain. Enough is enough." I still hesitated, so he continued, "While you were taking these, you slept dreamlessly. Your life was easier on you. You're hurting, I feel it too. You're scared, and you're confused. I feel it too."

I looked down at my hands.

"Leandra, seeing you go through that broke my heart." He continued, and that made me look back up. Half surprised. He'd never admitted this much emotion before, and the way he said it instantly made me believe him. He continued, "It did. I never want to hear you cry like that again. Ever. All I want.. All we want.. Is for one thing to go right for you. I know how much you want to get this right on your own, but that's just not possible right now."

I looked to Esme, her eyes on me. Next, Carlisle.

"I'm only telling you this for your benefit." Jasper told me, "I promise you that. I'm thinking of you, and the pain I heard in those cries. Until you're just a little older, and until you can give yourself the time you need to deal with those visions again, I want you to take these. Until we can figure out a way to make it bearable for you, or find some other way to keep you from having visions like that, this will help. It helped before, and you saw the proof yourself. It's still ultimately up to you, though. Not one of us will force you."

He was quiet now. He'd said all he needed to say. I kept my eyes down for several moments. I knew I'd have to sleep again eventually. It was inevitable. Whether I wanted to or not, I would soon fall asleep. Until I could do that without being beaten again, the only option was to take it.

"Please, Leandra." Carlisle's tone had me look to him next. I closed my eyes, resting them momentarily. I was so tired, it was hard to believe I'd gotten any sleep whatsoever in the last week.

Eventually, after about a minute, I reached forward and took the bottle from Jasper.

Less than thirty minutes later, I was asleep. Just like before, it cleared my head just enough to allow me to fall asleep quickly, and stay asleep calmly. Considering it had been much later when I took it, I slept most of the next day away. Not one vision woke me up, but when I woke myself up a little passed three in the afternoon the next day, I remembered attempting to dream. I didn't remember what it was about, but I already knew it was nothing good.

However, knowing the dream was nothing good didn't bother me. I didn't have to see it. Why bother worrying?

It didn't take me as long to teach myself to sleep less. Instead of a solid twelve hours, I learned to sleep a normal eight. Over the next two days, I was watched. Carefully. After they realized that this time I was sticking with the medication, they stopped watching me.

The days went by uneventfully for me. I stayed home like I knew I should, and though I often wandered outside, I never went further than arms reach of the door. My usual spot became the bench beside it, not even far enough onto the porch to get wet by the rain. I just liked to be outside.

It was quiet in my head now, and I found that without all the thoughts and questions in my mind, I could pay more attention to everything else around me. It was the weirdest thing. Things I never imagined I'd notice before. Little things.

Like how the color of the wood of the deck matched the railing of the deck perfectly. Or how one cushion on the bench was puffier than the other two. The pattern of the waterproof fabric very slightly off from the other two as well. I liked that cushion. It was different. Slightly, and I could hardly tell, but it was different.

I began to notice the sounds around me as well. Like I could pay more attention to what I heard. Sitting outside long enough, I began to notice how the birds in the trees around the yard made different noises at different times of the day. Of course, they still made their chirping sounds, but the calls they gave were different.

The river varied in how loud it was, and the trees sort of whispered differently when the wind blew differently. I'd never noticed that before.

How when the rain fell hard enough, it slid off the roof and hit a rock beside the porch in a specific way.

The smells outside were also different. Always hidden under the potent scent of pine, but when it was raining, there was a more dirt-like smell to the air than when it wasn't. The smell of the river a little ways off sometimes made it to me on the porch, depending heavily on how hard the breeze was that day.

I noticed more things about me as well. A freckle I never knew I had on the underside of my toe. Just a small one on the second toe of my left foot, and I thought what an odd place for a freckle to show up.

The slightly irritating way my hair would tickle my face when the breeze blew from the west. How long my hair was getting, falling down passed the center of my back, and as Alice would say, how I needed a trim. The color a dark brownish red, just like it had been my entire life, but it seemed just a little lighter now.

I noticed things I knew before as well. Like how the colder it was outside, the easier my scars could be seen. They became just a little darker than the rest of my pale skin. I usually went inside on those days, or chose to wear a sweater instead of a t-shirt. I still didn't like seeing them.

I began to notice my clothes fitting differently. My baggy jeans just a little less baggy. Same with my t-shirts. A few of my older shirts, ones I'd worn my entire time here, I wouldn't wear at all because I didn't like the way they fit.

The days of the next week were also spent watching my family. I was no longer a worry, most of the time off in my own little world of noticing things, but staying out of trouble just the same, so it wasn't often I interacted with them much. Not to mention the fact that their eyes grew steadily darker, and that concerned me a bit.

Bella got sicker. Just as I knew would happen. Each day, her belly just a little bigger than the day before. Her belly got bigger, but she lost weight. Very quickly now, and she was watched ever closer. I could walk through the room without a single glance my way. Unless something was really bothering me, I didn't bother them.

A week of taking the medication, I started to adjust to it. I noticed that as well.

My emotions weren't at all erratic. I was calm, though. Not numb. There was a difference. I could still feel if I wanted to, but who would want to feel anything? I had more control over the way I felt, so I chose not to let anything really upset me. Choosing the calm instead of fear or nervousness.

My nights were spent sleeping. My days were spent, though worrying slightly about Bella, sitting outside. Noticing.

Noticing how my family grew more concerned about Bella, and less concerned about me. As petty as it sounded, that bothered me a little. Which must have been a lot, because nothing bothered me anymore. It bothered me a little how nothing bothered me. Well, almost nothing.

Half way through the next week, I was doing things alone. Sitting outside alone, coming inside alone. Going to bed, waking up without a word from or to anyone. Nobody seemed to notice.

"Hi, Seth." I mumbled Saturday afternoon, watching him jog up the steps after Jacob had left. Jacob having stepped passed me like I was never there.

"Hey, Leandra." He gave me a smile, "How are you today?"

"About the same." I replied, "Can't complain." He paused before heading inside.

"You okay?" He asked, "You seem more down today than usual."

"I'm alright." I gave him a smile to prove it, "Bella's been pretty cold today."

"I heard." He sighed, immediately concerned, "That's one thing we're good for." I smiled in response to his words, watching as he returned it, and headed inside. Closing the door behind himself. My smile faded, and I sighed.

My eyes on the driveway.

I wanted company. Someone to talk to without bringing up Bella, and I had to admit. After three weeks of not seeing any one of my friends, I missed them. Deeply.

I glanced toward the door, wondering briefly how far I'd get without someone trying to stop me. If I got to the driveway without someone stopping me, I'd go. If I was stopped, it wouldn't be a big deal. I'd just apologize, and go back inside. I wanted to try, though.

I stood, and took my first steps off the porch in a week. I even walked slowly, giving them time to pay enough attention to me to notice I wasn't in my usual spot anymore. Or for Jasper or Edward notice I wasn't emotional or thinking too much anymore. Or for even Alice to notice my future wasn't so boring anymore. For any of them to notice my heartbeat was gone, or my scent wasn't where it was supposed to be.

I was disappointed, for once, when nobody called me back. I even stood at the drive, waiting for a minute or two. Nothing. That's when it really began to bother me. I beat it back, though. Regaining my careful calm once more, I continued on.

Making it to the highway without seeing a single wolf, I began to doubt the fact that there was anything in these trees that shouldn't be. I realized halfway through town that I'd forgotten my cell phone once more. I shrugged it off. Nobody would call me anyway.

I wondered briefly whose house I would go to. Saturday, they should be home. I remembered Ken, and slowed my steps closer to Josh's house. Something like nervousness settled into my stomach, but it was ignorable. If his car was there, I'd turn around and go to Andrew's house. If not, then I'd go to the door.

I paused on the sidewalk, not seeing his car anywhere, so I went ahead up to the door.

As it turned out, Josh and Zack were there alone. I was greeted enthusiastically, given the tightest hugs I'd ever gotten from them. What was so wrong with this? I returned their hugs just as tightly, laughing a little at how glad they were to see me.

"I take it we've grown up enough?" Josh asked, grinning.

"I'm sorry about that." I admitted, stepping inside the house, "I was just upset about that."

"I get it." He said, "Don't worry. I've just missed you." He grinned, looking me over, "You're bigger."

"Am I?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah." He laughed, "You're not as short as you used to be. You're about as tall as Zack again." I looked over at Zack, realizing he was right. That explained why my clothes weren't fitting quite the same anymore.

We talked all afternoon, and I learned about what they've been up to. It turned out that Josh had gotten over the little fight he and Andrew had, and they were both just fine. It wasn't near as bad as I thought it was. I'd overworried. Big surprise there.

I didn't ask about Ken, but I also knew that they were reluctant to mention him. Probably not knowing I'd already had the opportunity to meet him. I wasn't sure if they knew or not, so I never brought him up.

I couldn't tell them anything about home, for obvious reasons, though I knew they were curious. It was even hard to tell them much about me, especially about anything recently. I wasn't sure what all I could mention without it leading to more questions I couldn't or wouldn't answer, so I changed the subject quickly at each mention of me.

The daylight had begun to fade before Josh suddenly perked up and looked around. Straight at the clock.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and Zack seemed confused as well. We sat up straighter on his bed, watching his eyes close briefly.

"We've gotta go." Josh mumbled, standing and pulling me up.

"Where?" Zack asked, standing beside us.

"Andrew's." Josh told him as if it were obvious, "Grandpa?"

"Shit." Zack remembered then.

"What about him?" I asked, "I think if you're around, I'll be fine."

We didn't get a chance to discuss it further anyway, when the door downstairs opened.

"Zack, go tell him we have a friend over, and that we'll be going to Andrew's until mom and dad get back." Josh wasn't buying my calm, "Take him into the kitchen or something until I can get her out of here."

"Josh, I don't care." I laughed a little, and he gave me a look, "Like I said, if you're around, I'll be fine."

"You've met him before?" He asked, and again, I didn't have a chance to answer that. It did answer my earlier wondering. They didn't know I'd met him before. Twice before, actually, and both times, I hated him even more.

All three of us clearly heard his footsteps coming up the stairs, and I could see that Josh was nearly about to push me out the window, just to keep me from seeing him. The door opened, and there he stood. Ken's eyes landed on me, and he smiled.

"Hey there, kiddo." He laughed a little.

"We were just about to go to Andrew's." Josh said, taking my hand, "Is that okay?"

"Aw, what's your hurry?" Ken asked, "Come on. Your mom asked me to get dinner. They're going to be a little late. Leandra, you're welcome to stay a little while."

"Her dad called." Josh spoke up, "She has to go." I looked to him, confused. Ken was being perfectly nice.

"Good." He smiled, "I'll give her a ride."

"She likes to walk." Josh countered, "Don't you, Leandra?"

"I can wait." I replied, "I don't want to leave yet." And go back to being ignored? I'll pass.

"Okay." Ken said after a minute, "Come on then." I watched Josh glance to me briefly before starting out of the room. Zack slowly following his brother out into the hall. I got moving soon after, "Leandra, a word?"

That got their attention, and he laughed.

"Don't worry. We'll be right behind you." Ken told them, his hand finding my shoulder. I had to give them a nod before they turned and headed down the stairs. He waited until he couldn't hear them on the stairs anymore before turning me back into Josh's room, and closed the door silently behind us.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, pushing me a little. I fixed my shirt, looking up at him.

"I wanted to see my friends." I told him, "What's so wrong with that?"

"What's wrong with that is that these are my grandsons." He replied, "I thought I told you to stay away from them?" He paused, "That's right. I never got a chance to. You ran off before I could."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, "I was a little scared." He seemed confused. My behavior was the complete opposite now than what it was last week. Not a single tremble.

"And you're not now, are you?" He asked, trying to understand.

"Nope." I said, attempting to step passed him. He caught my shoulder again, yanking me back away from the door.

"You really should be." He glared down at me, "I mean it, little girl. Stay away from my family."

"And I mean it, old man." I murmured up at him, "No." He was surprised by my answer. It was clear.

"Why you little bi-" He cut off at Zack's voice on the other side of the door. Asking what was taking so long. I tore my shoulder from his hand defiantly, stepping passed him and pulling the door open.

"Nothing." I gave Zack a smile, and stepped out into the hall. Leaving Ken standing there fuming. I'd pissed him off.

I wasn't afraid of him. I was a little nervous, but I wasn't afraid. Not like I knew somewhere in my mind I should have been. The fear I felt the week before was nowhere to be found. Perhaps it was a little stupid, but I continued pissing him off. Holding Josh's hand as often as it was called for, which Josh didn't seem to mind. Smiling a little too sweetly for Ken's taste at Zack.

The evening slowly faded to night, and Ken finally had an excuse to insist that I let him drive me home. With too much attitude, I turned him down. Josh kept looking at me as if he wondered where my sanity went, but he never said a thing against it. Ken couldn't insist without Josh or Zack asking questions, even if it was dark outside.

He tried to demanded I not argue with him like before, but this time I wasn't giving in. I just smiled mockingly at him, and declined.

"Okay, honey." His voice shook ever so slightly, "Stay _safe_ on your walk home." I couldn't tell if that was a threat or not, but honestly, I didn't care.

With a tight hug to Josh and Zack, I left. I didn't even feel smug like I usually would have. I was calm.

I sighed, walking up the sidewalk. I really didn't feel like going home, but it was too late in the evening to stop by Andrew's house. I knew I'd see him eventually, so I walked along the highway alone, the darkness almost enough to make me nervous. There was very little illumination tonight.

I made it to the drive, but didn't get very far. I jumped as suddenly ahead of me, two wolves stepped onto the pavement from either side. I didn't recognize them in the dark, but they were pretty huge. Having them standing between me, and the way home, I stopped walking. I didn't recognize these wolves, and their quiet rumbling growling told me they weren't friendly.

Ken didn't scare me, but the low growls of the two wolves in front of me did. Jacob and Seth were much closer to the house than I was, sticking close. The drive long enough to make a difference.

"So what?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly, "You let me leave, but won't let me go back?" One of them growled louder, "It's true, it's my choice to stay with them. They're my family. You're nothing but a bunch of bullies. Get a life."

I went to walk passed them anyway, but I was head-butted away. Landing on the pavement right back where I started. My hands and probably butt bruised with how hard I landed, I winced.

I climbed back to my feet, glaring their way now. I tried again with the same result.

"Come on." I sighed, dusting off my jeans, "I have nowhere else to go. Even if I wanted to." Faster now, I tried to pass, but this throw was a little rougher. There was no way passed them. It really bothered me now. One obviously felt bad, his growling coming to a quiet end, but the other wouldn't budge.

His teeth dangerously bared, I wasn't sure if I wanted to attempt it again.

"I'm a human, remember?" I asked, "You're acting like I'm the one you're mad at." His growling only increased, and I took a step back, "Grow up!"

I was standing there for maybe thirty seconds longer before their attention was taken by something up the driveway. Their ears perked, and they looked away from me. In the direction of the house.

I started running, almost making it passed them when the meaner one managed to grab my shoulder in his teeth and toss me back once again. My shirt tore a little, and I clearly felt that he'd torn skin as well.

I landed on my back, hitting my head on the pavement and sliding a little with the force of his throw. A ringing in my ears and a resonating, throbbing pain in my head made it hard to concentrate. It stopped after a few seconds, but when I opened my eyes again, the quiet ringing and dull pain in my head started back up.

I was being nosed by Seth, and he paced around me. His tan colored fur a welcome sight. Jacob and Leah stood a little ways away, both as wolves as well and obviously unhappy given their grumbles to each other and their unimpressed postures.

I used Seth's massive head to pull myself to my feet and sighed. Shaking my head to try to clear the dizziness, but it didn't work. I could hardly keep myself upright, even with Seth's support, much less walk. He had an idea, though, and lowered into a crouch. Offering a ride.

I wanted to get home at that point, not wanting to face the two other wolves again, so I hardly hesitated longer than the time it took to figure out what he was doing. I carefully situated myself on Seth's back, holding on with fistfuls of his fur.

As soon as I was sure I wouldn't fall, Seth started off at a fast trot. Jacob and Leah letting him pass before following.

Once at the safety of the house, Seth lowered enough to let me down onto the porch. By the time I was on my feet, Jacob came out from the trees as a human again.

"Are you crazy?" He asked, "Didn't I warn you?"

"Yes, you warned me, and I probably am crazy." I answered, wishing the dizziness would stop. It was overwhelming. He sighed in obvious annoyance, and lifted me easily, carrying me inside.

"Carlisle." Jacob called once the front door was closed behind us. Knowing that he was the one to call since I was bleeding.

"I'll be fine." My fear was gone now, but the dizziness stayed. I'd hit my head pretty hard. Carlisle was there beside us, and I looked up at him.

"What happened?"

"Paul." Jacob replied, "He was a little rough." Carlisle led the way quickly upstairs, Jacob carrying me, "He tossed her, and she hit her head pretty hard. She was out for a good ten minutes." I was unconscious? It had only felt like seconds when the pain was gone. It sure explained the disorientation, though.

"What the hell was she doing out there anyway?" Jacob asked, "Shouldn't she be watched or something? Seth was freaking out, so convinced she was dead. The kid's a little dramatic." He sat me upright in a chair as Carlisle gestured for him to do.

Jacob stayed, telling him the entire story as he looked over the small wounds in my shoulder, and made sure that I didn't have anything wrong with my head. It was stupid, it really was, but I felt better now that someone was worried about me. Someone was paying attention again. Acknowledging that I was still alive.

"You'll be okay." Carlisle finally sighed, "Tylenol for the pain if you need it. You know where it is."

I found myself a little disappointed that I wasn't more hurt than I was, because as soon as I was cleared, Carlisle and Jacob went back downstairs. Leaving me there to watch after them.

Not a scolding from Carlisle. Not a word of disappointment from him to me, no making me promise not to attempt that again. Not even a, "What were you thinking?"

I stood after a few minutes, after recovering a little bit of my balance, slowly heading downstairs. A football game was on TV, and I made sure to stay on the opposite side of the room from where everyone was. Sitting slowly in a chair by the door.

Not one glance my way, their pitch black on Bella laying on the couch. I was a little lonely, and just wanted to be around someone.

"Leandra." I looked up at Jasper's tense voice. I waited, unsure if I even heard my name right. Waiting to see what he wanted, he finally spoke again.

"Please." Was all he said, and it took me a moment to realize what he was asking. He wanted me to leave. Nobody disagreed, or even questioned why my skin was torn. The bleeding had long since stopped, and I wasn't seriously hurt, but it was still hard on them.

Sighing, I stood carefully and started toward the kitchen.

I tried to eat something, but my stomach wouldn't have it. I was feeling a little queasy that night, so I settled on water and my medication before showering quickly and heading to bed.

As I laid there in bed, waiting for sleep to come, I wondered. Was feeling left out an emotion? It wasn't their fault, and I knew that. It wasn't even Bella's fault, but I still felt a little hurt that I seemed to be unwanted these days.

I knew it was stupid, I knew it was wrong, but I was jealous. Jealous that nobody even cared that I was okay. That the wolves outside hadn't killed me. I doubted they even knew I was gone all afternoon. The only acknowledgement I got was by Carlisle, and that was only to make sure I wouldn't die, but it was still enough to make me realize just how jealous I actually did feel.

If getting hurt was the only way to get attention, then I'd have to do that again.

**A/N: Silly, Leandra.  
Long A/N short, THANK YOU to my reviewers! Yay!  
I realize I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but chapter fourteen might be a bit of a wait. I'm determined to get some sleep, so I more than likely won't be starting it tonight.. Or I might. I don't know yet.  
RL is still kicking me in the ribs, which is why the estimated long wait. **  
**Until fourteen, my friends! (:**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

I took a few minutes to wake up the next morning. Sitting there, trying to recall a dream I'd almost had. Having gone over a week now without a dream, it was a little hard to imagine that's what it was.

There were trees. Lots of trees, and it was dark in the dream, but that was it. Nothing else I thought of seemed to fit.

Unlike with the one I almost had the night I first started taking the medication again, this time I really couldn't tell if this one was bad or not. I didn't even get an emotion to associate with it. There just wasn't enough there.

Instead of sitting there trying to chase it down, I climbed out of bed, and got dressed. Shoes and all, I left my room. I wore a thick blue sweater today, hoping to keep my now mostly healed shoulder wounds from stinking up the house.

Crossing the living room with once more not a glance my way, I didn't look around. Jacob was inside this morning, so I hoped Seth and Leah were around the other side of the house. I didn't even bother pretending to stay on the porch, jogging down the steps once the door was closed behind me.

Before I could cross the yard, though, my name was called.

"Leandra." It was Seth, "Going somewhere?" I watched as he jogged from the trees to my side, sighing a little.

"I was just-"

"Nope." He said, shaking his head, "You saw what last night got you. You're lucky you weren't hurt more than you were."

"I'm fine." I said, "I just wanted to-"

"Nope." He said again, "It's our job to protect the family, and that includes you." He poked my nose at the last word, and I laughed a little. Swatting at his hand.

"Come on." I whined a little, "I didn't get to visit everyone yesterday."

"You know how dangerous it is." He reminded me, and I laughed a little.

"I do know." I said, "And I still want to go." He threw his arm around my shoulder, turning and leading me the opposite direction of the driveway.

"Spend some time with me." He suggested, "You won't get bored."

"It's not that I'm bored. I want to visit my friends." I looked back at the driveway, already conceiving an idea on how to slip away.

"I'll be your friend." He replied, "Come on. Let's paint each other's nails or whatever it is you girls do."

I gave him a look, "Do my nails look painted?"

"I.. Well.." He paused, "No, but I figured since you're a girl, you do that kind of stuff."

"Nope. My only friends are boys." I laughed a little, "Damn, you are warm." I ducked out from under his arm.

"Do Carlisle and Esme let you talk like that?" Seth asked, frowning a little.

"Well, as long as I don't say 'Fuck' as much, they don't care what I say." I said, "I say all kinds of words like that. Not much they can do about it."

"You're eleven, right?" He asked, and I nodded a little.

"I'm getting too old for this shit." I said, and he laughed.

"You're fun." He pointed out. I shrugged, walking backwards as he led me around the house.

"I used to be more fun." I said, "Back when I thought too much."

"Thought too much?" He asked, confused.

"Yeah." I replied, "I have to take medication now to keep myself from jumping off the roof head-first." His eyes widened a little.

"You wouldn't." He gasped, shocked.

"I would." I corrected, "Well, I would have, but you know.." I mumbled, shrugging, "It's easier to resist doing it if I can see my friends, but.." I trailed off, sighing a little, "That's why I went yesterday. Nobody was watching, and I know you're all busy watching the house, and keeping it safe from those other wolves, so I know you wouldn't watch me, and well.. I didn't want to throw myself off the roof. So I went to see my friends." His horrified expression only got worse, so I thought I'd close it, "But.. If you insist.." I sighed heavily, and turned, heading for the side door.

"Wait." He called and I barely managed to hold back my grin. I looked back at him, and he frowned, "If I let you go, will you at least be careful? And get a ride from someone back here?"

"I can manage that." I nodded, "Lots of people would be willing to drive me home." He heard the truth in that, so he sighed, looking to the trees.

"Okay." He said, and I grinned, "They'll probably let you leave again, but getting back through will be harder because they won't be outnumbered again, which is why I'm suggesting getting a ride. Be back before dark. If you don't, I'm letting Carlisle know."

"Okay." I agreed. I already knew Carlisle wouldn't be able to do much. He was so busy with Bella, the information that I was missing would probably not do much. I gave Seth a smile, and he already looked like he regretted giving me the go-ahead.

I hugged him a little on my way passed him back toward the driveway.

"By dark. Remember." He called after me.

"I know." I replied, waving back at him. I didn't pause this time. I just kept going. I did, however, pause at the spot I met the two wolves the night before. My steps faltering, coming to an unsure stop.

I took one more step before out they came. These were different wolves than the ones last night, however, and the way they looked at me wasn't as scary this time. More curious, as if trying to understand, instead of angry. I had to admit that they were beautiful. In an animal sort of way.

"You two are different." I pointed out quietly, "Tell the one that was here last night that I'm fine. I know he didn't mean it." I felt so stupid talking to a bunch of animals, but I knew they understood me. They growled, but more like grumbled so it wasn't in a mean way. It was clear that they didn't mind me as much, even if I was sure I had plenty of vampires scent on me.

A third growl had me look to the left side of the trees as another, slightly bigger wolf stepped out. After the night before, it was obvious they didn't want to be outnumbered again, just like Seth mentioned. This one's black fur intimidated me, and I took a small step back. I watched the way that with one growl, the two others turned, and headed back into the trees.

"You're Sam, aren't you?" I asked, and he looked to me again, "They listen to you. That's how I guessed." Sam was the one behind all of this. Boy, did I feel small compared to him. I wanted to try to talk him out of staking the house, so I continued talking.

"They're not bad, you know." He grumbled, stepping out fully onto the pavement. I looked down for a moment, before looking back up at him, "They didn't want this any more than you did. Just because they didn't force her to get rid of it doesn't make them bad. You're unhappy with Bella, not them. I get that. I also get that if they stand in the way of her, you will be unhappy with them."

He seemed surprised that I was so informed, given his very slight head tilt.

"But they will. If they had to, they would. They're just trying to protect their family. That's it. They're not trying to piss you off. Because of you, they can't hunt. They can't hunt, because they have to stay home to protect Bella." I looked down again, "And because they can't hunt, I'm ignored. They're just trying to be careful, but I'm out here, talking to you, because they're afraid to pay any attention to what I do anymore. They ignore me because I'm the healthy human."

He grumbled again, and I looked back up, "And I'm not happy about that." He snorted as if laughing, "You're hurting my family, and I don't like it. If anyone needs to grow up, it's you." I was perfectly calm in the way I said this to him.

He growled a little, but I wasn't scared. Not like I was the night before, and I didn't know what changed. Maybe the medication had been wearing off? Who knew? I did know, however, that I never would have been this brave, or this stupid had I not been taking the medication. I noticed the difference in me now, and it wasn't a good one. I had no caution anymore. Almost like I didn't care anymore. With the help of the medication, I no longer felt anything. That included caution, or knowing when to shut my mouth.

"I want you to leave." I continued, "Because you're ruining everything. By being a paranoid dumbass, you're ruining everything I've fought to keep." I sighed, looking down briefly with a small shrug, "I guess that's it." He was silent now. Holding my gaze with narrowed eyes.

I eventually walked forward, feeling his eyes on me. I went to step passed him, and his teeth caught my sweater. Not like the one had the night before, but lighter. Meant only to stop me, not toss me, but I turned and slapped his nose. Though I didn't hit him hard, he snorted and released me. I'd obviously surprised him, given his expression.

Without a word, I continued on. I knew getting home was going to be a problem, probably more than it was the night before, but I didn't care. I was going somewhere, and some dog wasn't going to stop me.

I stopped by Josh's first. I was a little surprised when Mike opened the door, telling me they were at Andrew's already. I gave him a smile, and before I turned to leave, I made it a point to smile and wave to Ken in the living room in view of the door. He wasn't happy with that gesture, obviously.

I was pissing him off even more, and I knew somewhere in my mind that I shouldn't, but I couldn't help it. Hell, just by being alive, I pissed Ken off even more, so I might as well just do what I want. With that, I turned and started on my way to Andrew's. I was just fine with heading there. I was going to go there today, anyway.

Richard was more than surprised to see me, greeting me with a tight hug. I stepped inside, talking to him a little bit.

"It's been a long time, sweety." He laughed, "You seem like you're doing better."

"I am." I smiled, nodding, "I know. It's been forever. I'll try not to stay away so long next time. I was going to come by yesterday, but it was too late when I left Josh's."

"You really shouldn't be wandering around at night." He said, "Even in small towns like this, you'd be surprised at how many monsters are around." I snorted, unable to help myself. I found that funny, laughing as quietly as I could.

"Really." I said, "I'm more aware of that than you know." I looked over as I heard footsteps on the stairs, greeted with Andrew's wide grin. I really hadn't realized how much I missed that smile, so as soon as he stepped up next to me, I hugged him as tight as I could. If this was complicating my life, I'd take it. He returned the hug just as tight, which made it even better.

"Isn't that cute?" Zack commented, and I hadn't even noticed he and Josh had followed him downstairs. Zack seemed nervous, looking between Josh and Andrew. He was worried they'd start fighting again, and to be honest, so was I, but I didn't care about that right then.

I knew it was a very big possibility that this would only increase their fighting, but again, I didn't care. I wanted normal, human problems. That was the only way I could bear the problems at home.

"I'm sorry." I found myself saying, "Can you forgive me?" I pulled back and looked up at him, smiling hopefully.

"Yeah." He laughed, "It was stupid to fight Josh. You were right to be mad."

Richard's smile told me he approved of me being there, and didn't mind my showing up unexpectedly in the least. Not given the way his son smiled now.

We decided to go upstairs, and talk in his room. We talked much longer than I'd had a chance to talk with Josh and Zack the day before. It was nice having someone to visit with. Someone to just pay a little bit of attention to me, and not treat me like I was dead.

For a short moment, things were like they used to be. Before things started to get complicated, and stupid. Like they were when the summer first began. Before Josh and Zack left for California, and before Andrew took his trip to Montana. It almost made me sad, and it would have if I let myself feel, that we'd all changed while we were apart. Something I hadn't seen happening. If I had, I wouldn't have let them leave.

My friends meant more to me than I thought, and I really didn't want to let them go. They were the only real friends I'd ever had. Ones that understood me, and though didn't agree with the way I was sometimes, they stayed.

Josh was rambling on about something while I sat there realizing this. Like the night of graduation, we sat there in a loosely formed circle on Andrew's bed.

My life hadn't changed much while I lived with Jack. Each year blurring into the next, the abuse the only thing that changed, and that was only to get worse. Now that I had the life I had, everything changed almost constantly. It was almost dizzying to think about.

Sitting there, watching Josh laugh at some joke he made, and Zack shake his head at how tacky it no doubt was, I couldn't help laughing myself. Andrew doing the same to my left. I missed my friends.

I finally joined the conversation then, looking to Andrew. I asked what was new with him. Apparently, his dad had found a girlfriend. Two weeks ago, Andrew met her for the first time, and I was actually really happy for Richard. He deserved to be happy.

I asked Andrew what he thought of her, and he seemed a little hesitant.

"She's alright." He said, shrugging a little, "She's a little quiet, though. She's coming over later if you want to meet her."

"I think she's nice." Zack commented, "At least she was when we met her."

"Is it bad that she's quiet?" I asked, curious.

"No, not really." He said, shrugging with a sigh, "I just don't know. It's just been me and my dad for four years now."

"Think he's doing her?" Josh asked, and all of us looked at him.

"Ew!" Andrew told him incredulously, and I covered my face with my hands. Trying to hide the horrified expression I was sure I had.

"Come on. I can't be the only one of us who thought that." Josh said, "She's pretty."

"Well, now my morning is ruined." I grumbled, shaking my head, "Thanks for that."

"I'd do her." Josh mumbled. I hadn't even met her yet, and my view of her had already been destroyed.

"Dude." Andrew said, "Shut up."

"Oh, don't worry, Leandra." Josh smiled at me, "You're pretty, too." After that, I didn't take that as a compliment anymore. I looked up at him, giving him a look.

"Never tell me that again." I shook my head again, "Ever." He laughed, shrugging.

"Anyway." Andrew spoke up again, "My dad's not like that."

"He's a guy." Josh pointed out, "And four years is a long time."

"How would you know?" Zack asked, laughing.

"I know better than you do." Josh shoved Zack a little, "All I'm saying, is that once you have it, there's no way you can not want it again. So I've _heard_."

"Trust me. There's a way." I grumbled, and instantly regretted opening my mouth. They all looked to me, and I looked down. I should have just left it alone.

"You've had it before." Josh said, remembering.

"Josh, you ask her that, and I'll hit you so damn hard, your mom will feel it." Andrew spoke up beside me, and that got my attention.

"Ask me what?" I asked, again instantly regretting it. Andrew sighed, looking down.

"I heard it hurts the girl the first time." Josh said, "Is that true?"

"Uh.." I forgot how to speak for a moment. His question taking me off guard, "Yeah, I guess so."

"It gets better, though, right?"

"Oh.. My god." I said firmly, "New subject. Please." I was horrified. I had never expected a conversation like this one coming up.

"I've heard it only hurts the first time." Josh said, "Then they love it just as much as the guy."

"Josh, drop it." Andrew was actually blushing beside me. I would stay out of it this time.

"Nate says he and his girlfriend do it all the time." Josh continued as if Andrew hadn't spoken.

"Yeah, that's them." Andrew sighed, realizing just as I already had that he would continue whether we told him to shut up or not.

"I'm just curious." Josh told Andrew in defense, "And I know for a fact that you are, too."

"Being curious is one thing, Josh." Zack said, "You still shouldn't talk about it around Leandra."

"Why?" He asked, "We probably won't get another chance to. She'll probably disappear for another month."

I should have hit him by now, but for some reason, I didn't. Instead, I just kept my eyes down, sighed, and said something I really shouldn't have.

"Ask me anything." I said, and boy, he did.

We spent the next half hour talking about it, unfortunately. I answered him where I could, but I still found it easier to tell him what I could without crying. I didn't even sniffle. I had to pause a few times, but that was it. Whatever was in that medication made me an open book. I was uncomfortable, though.

After enough questions, Zack brought it up.

"You do realize," He said, his face hidden in his palms, "That her only experience is because she was forced by Jack, right Josh?"

That shut him right up.

"I thought that went without saying." Andrew mumbled, "Otherwise, I would have said it a long time ago."

"We could always get back onto the subject of your dad's girlfriend, Andrew." Josh shot back at him, "Maybe your dad will marry her, and you'll have a new mom." Josh seemed to find that funny, but none of us did.

"That was low." Zack hit his brother's shoulder. I didn't find it funny at all. Especially given Andrew's expression. He looked down, staring at his hands in his lap. I watched him, and I remembered my birthday party what seemed like so long ago now. How sensitive he was about this topic.

"Well, what about your mom, Josh?" I asked, "I've hardly seen her." I hadn't meant to be mean with that question, but it still shut him up. Changing the subject off of Andrew. He kept his eyes down. Glancing to Andrew, I saw that he appreciated my intervention.

"She works a lot." Josh shrugged a little.

"Doesn't your dad work?" I asked, "He's always home."

"Well, he does, but he works from home. Someone's gotta stay home, and since mom chooses to work all the time, he figured he'd volunteer." He explained. I'd never asked these questions before. It seemed my noticing things involved them, too.

"Why does she work so much?" I asked, "Most moms stay home with the kids."

"She says she likes to keep busy." Zack answered this one, "It keeps her from thinking too much. Whatever that means."

"I know how that is." I nodded.

"She's been working so much more lately." Zack sighed, "I asked her why, but she won't say."

"What about your dad?" Josh asked, looking to me, "I heard he hasn't been at the hospital in weeks."

"I heard that, too." Andrew nodded, looking to me as well, "Is he okay?"

"Yeah." I said, "He's fine. There's just.. A lot going on at home. That's all."

"Like what?" Zack asked, "Come on. You know what we've been up to, but we don't know anything about what you've been doing. Almost no word since the wedding."

"I know." I sighed, looking down, "It's a very long story." They waited, and I thought hard. How do I change the subject now? Then I got it.

"How long is your grandpa staying?" I asked, looking to Zack. He and Josh smirked a little.

"He doesn't like you." Josh pointed out, "What'd you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything to him." I shrugged slightly, "I guess some people just don't like me."

"He'll be here for awhile longer." Zack told me, "He's thinking about buying another house in the Seattle area. Just so he can be closer to us. He says he feels like he's missed a lot of our life, and Jack dying made him want to spend more time with us."

So it had been my fault Ken was here now. If Jack hadn't died that night, Ken wouldn't be here now.

I stored that thought away for later, sighing a little, "So he'll be around. Good to know."

"You never told me." Josh spoke up again, "You met him before?"

"Yeah." I admitted finally, "I met him the first time the day he showed up at your house, funny enough. I just didn't know who he was." They waited, so I continued, "I was trying to walk to my dad's, and was really regretting it. So-"

"To your dad's?" Zack asked, surprised, "Leandra, that's like ten miles."

"Eleven. From town. I came from home." All three of them winced this time and I laughed a little, "Yeah. I was pretty tired, so when he asked if I needed a ride back to town, I said sure. He needed directions to your house anyway, which was the only reason I agreed."

"I didn't see you, though." Josh frowned.

"I asked him to let me out up the block. I was still mad at you guys then."

He nodded once in understanding.

"Then," I hesitated, wondering if telling him this was a good idea, "I came by. About a week ago. That's how I found out who he was."

"And you still came back? After finding out that he's Jack's dad?" Zack asked, shocked, "Why?"

"I _really_ wanted to see you guys." I admitted, "So I did. Besides. He doesn't scare me."

"He scares mom." Zack told me incredulously, "And she's the toughest girl I know. Tougher than you, even."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, "She's scared of him?"

"She is?" Josh asked, looking to his brother.

"She is." Zack nodded a little, "She won't admit it, but haven't you ever noticed how whenever he's around, she's hardly ever in the same room for longer time than it takes to ask if we need anything?"

"I thought that was just because she didn't like being the only girl." Josh muttered.

"She acted the same when Jack was around." Zack pointed out, "Remember?"

"I'd act that way too if I had to grow up with Jack." I mumbled, and Josh looked to Zack again.

"Do you think grandpa treated her the way Jack treated Leandra?"

"She'd say something to us." Zack shook his head a little, "She wouldn't even talk to him."

"Not if she's thinking of everybody else's happiness before her own." I corrected, and they looked to me, "Or if she's still too afraid to say anything in complaint. I remember how just a look from Jack, I'd want to cry and curl into a ball. I don't think that's something that ever goes away." The way they looked at me made me wonder, "What?"

"You never talk about Jack like this." Josh replied, "Usually you're not really specific." I shrugged a little.

"All I'm saying, is I can relate. I can easily get why she avoids being around him." I paused for a second, "And I wouldn't doubt one bit that Ken treated her badly. Jack had to learn somehow, right? I don't think he was smacked around as a kid. Not with how much happiness he got by smacking me around, so he had to learn from seeing it."

"Should we ask her?" Zack asked, "Grandpa is always so nice to us."

"So was Jack." Josh pointed out, "But both had a problem with Leandra without really giving a reason why."

"Because I'm a girl." I pointed out, and they were quiet. I hadn't even considered that fact before. Jack was great to Josh and Zack. He treated them right. I had no doubts that Ken was good to them as well, but me, he didn't like. I'd always thought it was because Jack was my stepdad, and I apparently 'ruined his life'. Not because I was a girl.

I hadn't noticed before how much that bothered me, but thinking about it now, I didn't shy away from it. It bothered me that Jack always blamed me for things he'd done, or blamed me when things didn't go right. All the time. He blamed me for the damn sky being blue, and he always took out his anger on me. I was a stress relief, someone to blame besides himself. Always.

Something unpleasant happened at work, he'd come home and beat me. Someone said something that pissed him off, he'd come home and beat me. Sometimes just a little, most of the time a lot. I never realized before how much I actually blamed myself. I'd learned quickly to blame myself as well, constantly apologizing for things I had nothing to do with. He literally beat it into me that everything was my fault.

I still carried a lot of blame with me wherever I went. That was a big realization to me, and the fact that I let myself realize it was even bigger.

Eventually, I just shook my head and sighed.

"New subject." I said, "Pick another one."

Medication or not, thoughts like that made me uncomfortable. My past was a subject I shied away from naturally. It was instinct, something no amount of medication could take away. I was already on edge from answering Josh's questions, which to be honest, weren't really all that bad, but it still bothered me.

"Wanna go walking?" Josh offered, and that actually sounded nice. I waited until the other two agreed before agreeing, though. I wanted all three of them with me this time. Like before.

We left the house, and wandered pretty far. Luckily, without another uncomfortable subject. We wound up in the park, and for the first time, I saw just how far the situation in town had been settled. Nobody had been after my head for quite some time, and it looked like they used the summer to ease any hard feelings.

The high schoolers that I knew for a fact hadn't liked me looked my way now as if I were just another friend of Josh's. It was a very big relief to be overlooked in this case. Josh talked to them as if they'd never been the ones wanting to beat me up, so it must have been long over.

Once again, what I'd done for Aaron had come up again, to my embarrassment. A lot of them were even more appreciative than the girls I'd met in the park. The boys didn't know what happened, but the other kids wound up telling them as I stood there quietly. Amazement on their faces as they looked to me.

"Why haven't you told us?" Josh asked, "Leandra, that's amazing." I shrugged a little.

"I couldn't just sit there." I mumbled dismissively, "I would have done it for anybody."

"I would have been too freaked out to move." One of the older boys told me, "From what he said, you didn't stop once until he was out."

"Glad to know his memory is okay." I laughed a little, looking down.

I was thankful when they let the subject drop. I didn't think I was as brave as they all said I was. I wished nobody would bring it up again.

"I wish you came to school, Leandra." One of the younger kids told me, "I was wrong about you before."

"You're not the only one." Josh laughed, looking to me, "I want her there too."

I smiled a little and looked down. For the second time, I considered what would have to happen for me to start school again. I remembered how hard of a time I had around the other humans. It seemed as if the friends I'd made since then had fixed all of the problems I'd caused there over the summer, but how long would it be before I created new ones?

Did I want to try again with the humans? Did I want to try to be a part of the human population again? I might have been different, but that didn't mean I had to change to rejoin them. If my family could learn how to be human, I could too. Because I was human. I found myself actually tempted now.

"I'll talk to my parents about it." I nodded a little, and smiled when they smiled. I didn't know how that would go, but I wanted to try.

We spent the afternoon there in the park, and I sat off to the side watching the boys play a quick game of football. Or attempt to. I had actually no idea what was going on, only seen the games on TV when Emmett would watch them, but I never learned anything about it.

Andrew sat with me, not up to roughhousing along with them. We made quiet conversation, and I stared down at the grass under me. It wasn't raining today, so the insects were out and about. I reached down and lifted a ladybug on my hand, watching it crawl over my fingers nervously.

I kept it on my hands for quite sometime, fascinated by how no matter how fast it crawled, it couldn't get away. I was completely unconcerned, watching its panic almost calmly. The tickling over my hands the only proof of the little bug's efforts for freedom.

"Aw, Leandra." Andrew laughed a little beside me, "Let the poor thing go. It probably has a family somewhere." He was trying to be funny, but I just shrugged.

"I hope he does." I said, my eyes still on the tiny bug.

"Well, that's not very nice." Andrew pointed out, obviously finding my words concerning.

"You're right." I sighed, eventually looking up at him. With a quick slap of my hand, the bug was dead. It wasn't the fact that I killed it that bothered Andrew, but what I said after it. I laughed, "There. He's dead. Except now I'm bored."

"You're bored because he died?" He asked quietly.

"I'm bored because I killed him. It was fun to watch him run around like he thought he was going to get away."

I wiped the remains of the bug off on the grass, sighing and watching the boys. Andrew eventually did the same. Now and then glancing worriedly to me.

We went back to Andrew's house soon after that. We'd all been invited to stay for dinner, which I accepted. Josh and Zack did as well, probably less than eager to leave after such a long separation from me.

I met Mary, Richard's lady friend. I wouldn't consider her a girlfriend, because the way they interacted didn't seem that far along yet.

She was actually very nice. She had very long dirty blonde hair. Longer than mine, which wasn't often I found. If Richard did marry her, I knew Andrew wouldn't mind. She had light hazel colored eyes. The blue and gray kind.

I think Andrew was relieved to know my thoughts about her before I left with Josh and Zack that night. Now that he knew what I thought of her, he could let himself like her too. He seemed hesitant to like her before, but he knew I was a pretty good judge of character.

The only one I'd been wrong about at first was Josh. I sincerely hoped I never turned out to be right. Given the conversation earlier, he was more curious than I thought he was. I hoped somehow he understood that I wasn't the one to come to for questions like that anymore.

I walked them back to their house, more than reluctant myself to head home. It was a school night, though, so I couldn't stay. As it was, Mike was a little irritated that they'd been out so late.

"Night, guys." I said as they were sent upstairs.

"And you, young lady." Mike said, looking to me, "I'm sure your parents are wondering where you are."

"Nah, they're fine." I said, shrugging a little, "I'll be going home soon."

"I'll make sure of it." I looked over as Ken stood from his place on the couch. Tossing the magazine he was reading to the side, "I'll drive her home."

"No thanks." I said, shaking my head.

"Leandra, it's pitch dark outside." Mike said, "I have to agree with him on this one."

Before I could even protest again, Ken was leading me outside. With a quiet good night from Mike, the door shut behind us once more.

Ken held tight to my arm the entire way to his car, and didn't even risk putting me in the passenger seat. He made sure I stayed put this time by shoving me in through the drivers side door. Climbing in directly behind me before I'd even fully made it to the other seat. Catching a good hold on my arm, he somehow managed to start the car with his left hand.

"I'm not going to run." I said, eying his hand on my arm.

"Yeah." He snorted, "Right."

"I'm not afraid of you." I rolled my eyes a little bit, looking out the window, "Geez. You're just as paranoid as your worthless son was." I felt his eyes on me, and though I was a little nervous, I didn't show it. Eventually, his right hand left my arm, and we pulled away from the house.

It was silent the entire way out of town. It didn't surprise me that he was heading north, toward my dad's house the next town over. I didn't say a word, though I should have. He knew exactly where I lived, which told me he also knew that I didn't live with my dad. That seemed a little odd to me.

I did become slightly concerned when he continued passed the turning point to my dad's. He just kept going. Never slowing once. Just passing it by like it wasn't even there.

"Uh.." I muttered, looking back now. He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at me. Okay, so he wasn't taking me home. My nervousness increased a little, but taking a deep breath solved that. I sat forward again, looking back out the window.

I didn't mind a road trip.

He drove for quite some time without a word. Neither of us speaking as I watched out the window. Nothing but darkness, and the faint shape of trees beyond it met my eyes. As far as I knew, there really wasn't much out this way. We passed the turn off for Lake Pleasant, and passed Sappho. Toward Port Angeles, there wasn't much else out this way. A couple of towns, and a couple more lakes between there and Port Angeles, but that was it.

The trees got thicker, and it got darker. For over half an hour passed Sappho he drove until he started to slow down. Taking a turn into the trees on the right, was a very unused path that led us toward one of the lesser known mountainous tourist attractions in the area. He drove slower now, taking really sharp turns through the trees, taking us higher in elevation. A lot of water falls that lead to the river, and a whole lot of trees lay between us, and the highway.

Eventually he couldn't drive on this path anymore, so he stopped. I had to admit, I was quite a bit more nervous at this point. He shut off the car, and grabbed for my arm. I fought him at first, without even being sure why. He eventually caught my wrist with a grunt of frustration.

Yanking me out behind him.

Soft forest earth was under my shoes, and despite how hard I tried to remain calm, I whimpered as he jerked me away from the car, and slammed the door closed. The tiny sound I made was swallowed by the giant trees, and thick underbrush around us.

Somewhere close by, I could hear the unmistakable sound of a waterfall. It was close enough to hear the sloshing of the water as well as the roar of the water going over. Instead of comforting me like the sound the river at home made, this scared me.

It was official. I was scared now.

I struggled a little, but he moved me easily, stepping off the very narrow path into the trees on the left. He knew exactly where we were, but I only had a vague, very vague idea of where we were.

Just like Jack had done the second to last time I saw him, Ken released my arm only to grip my head tight between his hands and lifted me briefly. Spinning me to face him rather roughly. I whimpered louder at the incredibly angry look in his eyes.

This was worse than facing the wolves. This was a lot worse than the wolves, because him, I knew would have no worries about killing me. He didn't care if I was human, because he was human himself. Barely, but he was.

He leaned closer, his nose inches from mine. The quiet, dangerous way he spoke finally made me instantly wish I'd never left home that morning. The quiet, dangerous way he spoke made me yearn for the safety of the house. I didn't care if I was ignored there. I didn't care if I never left my bedroom again. I didn't care if I never left my bedroom again. I just wanted so badly to go home, to be safe again. I was so indescribably frightened at that point, all I could do was look up into his eyes the color of storm clouds, and start to cry.

"I warned you."

**A/N: I know this chapter is a lot shorter than my usual chapters, but I wanted to get this one out there for everyone to fret over while I'm dealing with RL. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to finding reviews a little later. (:  
THANK YOU to my usual reviewers! I love you guys. Seriously. I can't tell you how much reading your thoughts means to me.  
Chapter fifteen has already been started, so cross your fingers I can get that out to you before Saturday. That's when it really gets interesting for me. I'll work on that as soon as I get rid of this headache. It's kicking my butt.  
As usual, I keep my Facebook author's profile updated as much as I can. If there's something you need to know regarding the chapter, and occasionally Oreos, you can find it there. (Facebook: Kneu Neu).  
Until next chapter, guys. (: (: (:  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**IMPORTANT NOTE!: VIOLENCE AND LOTS OF BLOOD IN THIS CHAPTER! Someone dies here, people. Be warned!**

**Chapter Fifteen**

He jerked me quickly around again, further into the trees. I reached up, grabbing onto his wrists, so I wasn't hanging by my head when I stumbled. I was now officially scared enough to cry. Trembling between his tightly holding hands.

"Please." I cried, "I'm sorry." My voice broke between the thick trees, "I'm sorry!"

"Shut up, you pathetic little runt." He growled, holding me tighter. His grip was really starting to hurt, and I tried to kick. I could almost feel the fact that the medication had worn off, and the situation had finally hit me.

I was so scared, I was surprised I could speak at all.

My phone managed to vibrate in my pocket, and I went to reach for it, but his hands were quicker. Diving into my front jeans pocket, he lingered there for a moment longer than necessary, and pulled the phone from me.

He tossed it to the side, and I watched as it tumbled through the dirt, and landed underneath a couple of rocks. From what I could see in the darkness, anyway. He chuckled at my quiet whimper, regaining a hold of my head between his hands and continuing on.

The further he went, the louder the waterfall became. I knew what he was doing now.

He released me, shoving me away, and I hit the underbrush with my full weight. Rolling a little bit as I looked around me in the darkness. I spun around, looking up at him as he stood there. I crawled backward, almost scurrying in my fear.

"I'm sorry." I repeated, over and over in the tiniest voice I had. I couldn't make it any stronger than that. It was the smallest, weakest voice I'd used since I was six years old.

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be." He shook his head a little bit, "I don't like doing this, you know." Yes, he did. He loved this. I didn't dare say that, though. I finally had to stop scurrying. My back had hit the corner of a couple of boulders beside the fast flowing water of the river beside me.

I was close enough to feel the slight spray from the moving water of the river stinging the cold bare skin of my arms. It wasn't a warm night, but I didn't feel the cold. I was too scared.

"Leandra." He sighed mockingly, "You really did bring this on yourself. You can't tell me you're surprised. You're smarter than that."

"I'm sorry." I continued repeating, lowering to my butt on the dirt. I didn't want to die, and from the look in his eyes, that's what he had planned.

"Cooperate with me, and maybe you'll leave here with your life." He told me, and I waited, "What happened to my son?"

"I don't-"

"Don't tell me you don't know!" I sobbed, shrinking back against the rock, "I know that family you live with isn't quite right!"

"They have nothing to do with-"

"Right." He said, "Like you didn't have help that night. Well, honey. I'm going to finish what he tried to do that night." I peered up at him, terrified, "As usual," His loud laugh made me flinch, "I have to finish what he started! How fucking fitting is that?" I knew better than to speak. I glanced around, wondering if I could possibly run with how scared I was.

"You're the first kid he's ever raised." Ken continued, "Did you know that? And now, it's your fucking fault he's dead. It's your fault you're out here. It's your fault I'm going to have to kill you."

"No it's not!" I sobbed, "It's not my fault!"

"Yes!" He countered, "It is! If you'd only kept your mouth shut, we wouldn't be here! All he did was try to raise you right! He only beat you because you deserved it, you filthy little bitch!"

"I didn't do anything wrong." I cried, shaking my head.

"That was my son!" He shouted, his voice ringing in the trees, "My only goddamn son! My first born child, and _you_ took him from me! You can't even admit it."

Through his anger, I clearly heard his pain. I was surprised that I could hear it. Underneath the fact that he was hell-bent on revenge, I heard the plain-as-day fact that he was also a grieving father.

Also to my surprise, I felt shame. I hadn't wanted this. I understood the fact that Emmett had killed Jack for me, to keep me safe, but I hadn't wanted safety this way. Never in my entire eleven years alive had I ever wanted him to die just to be rid of him. I never wished him dead. All I wanted was just to be left alone. Had he done that, had he only left me alone, he'd still be alive.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled again, but this one sounded different. I knew he heard the difference, but he wasn't phased by it.

"Not as sorry as you're going to be." His voice was dangerous again, "I was going to leave you alive tonight. I was going to let you live. I was going to bring you here with a warning, but you crossed the fucking line, little girl."

With a burst of energy I didn't know I had, I darted up, and I ran.

"Oh, no you don't!" He shouted after me, and I knew he was following me.

With panicked breaths, I ran through the trees. Unable to see a thing in front of me. That realization scared me enough to start slowing. The only thing I could think of was climbing.

I found the nearest tree, and had just started up the trunk when he caught my ankle and violently pulled me down. He spun me around, and I struggled with him briefly until he caught my hands. His other hand caught my hair, and pulled me down, dragging me back toward where we were. I stumbled, but quickly regained my footing when he just continued on, dragging me behind him by my hair.

"I'm going to take out my pain on you." He told me honestly, "You won't die easily, honey. No way. Don't comfort yourself with that thought." I stumbled even more, and he finally dragged me back over to the river.

Setting me on my feet, he grabbed another hold of my head, leaning back down so he could talk to me quietly over the sound of the river.

"Now you listen to me, you bitch." He wasn't playing around anymore, "I told you yesterday to stay the fuck away from my family. I wasn't kidding. I couldn't do anything to you then, but I sure as hell can now."

"I warned you." He told me again, "And you didn't listen. You ignored me, and you mocked me. So.." He paused, and I broke that silence with two tiny sobs, "You have two options, little girl."

I was shaking so hard my teeth chattered, whimpering quietly.

"One." He continued, "Your first option. I'll give you until the count of five to jump in there, and if you make it to the other side, I'll let you live." He looked to the river, leading quickly to a rather high waterfall. I peeked over as well, as much as I could turn my head, staring in horror at the rushing water, knowing immediately that I'd never make it.

"If you don't make it to the other side, you die." He told me, "You'll go over that waterfall, and you'll become a stain on the rocks below it." I whimpered, looking at the river again.

"Your second option, if you don't choose the first.." He paused, "Well, there really is no second option. You don't get your ass in that water by the time I count to five, I kill you anyway. I'll pick you up, and pound your pretty little head against those rocks there until you stop twitching. It's your choice."

I let out a couple of sobs, knowing I'd never make it, but I really didn't want to test him. I didn't know what to do.

"I-I'll stay away.." I offered, sobbing heavily up at him, "I won't come back."

"Too late for that, honey." He shook his head, letting me go, "You should have listened. Now it's one of two choices. One." I waited, "Two." I dropped down and scurried back. My hands found the rocky edge of the river, and I nearly fell over backwards into it. My fingers touched the high water, feeling how very cold it was.

"Three." I cried harder now. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to even try to make it across that wide river, but I didn't want him to kill me either, "Four."

"Please." I begged again, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Five." With that word, he started toward me, and I turned, ready to jump in when he reached me. I screamed as loud as I could when I felt his hand close on my hair, grabbing a violent fistful of it. I sobbed harder than I had in a very long time.

Instead of standing us up, he kneeled down beside me. Rolling me roughly to my back, he pinned my shoulders against the edge of the river. The hand knotted in my hair on the back of my head was already in the water with how high it was, the back of my shirt getting soaked quickly.

He chuckled, peering down at me. I could barely open my eyes to look at him with how hard I was crying. I fought a little, and his free hand easily gathered both of mine once more, shaking his head at my attempts at freedom.

"You should have listened, Leandra." He told me above my panicked breaths and sobs, "Now, you'll go missing, and they'll never find your body. It's almost a shame." My panicked mind running a million miles a minute, I knew I was inches from my death. He yanked backwards with his hand in my hair, and I was dunked under.

I instantly started thrashing once I attempted a breath in. Inhaling the water that surrounded my head. Kicking and pulling on my wrists as hard as I could. He held me easily however. Bringing me back up after only a few seconds.

Once I felt myself free of the icy water, I coughed violently. Realizing as I gasped for breath that he was going to make me suffer before I died. Just as he said he would. He let me clear most of the water from my lungs. My soaking wet hair clinging to my face, and the cold air stinging my ice cold skin painfully. I sobbed a few times, which told him I was about done coughing.

"I warned you." He growled through clenched teeth, tugging me back under. Holding me for a little longer this time. Pulling me back up, I gasped. My lungs aching violently with the water that remained in them. Coughing harder than I ever had, I was surprised to find that I could still cry.

"You should have listened." He pulled me back under, and held me for even longer. I was going to die here. The next time he pulled me up, and pushed me back under, I was going to die.

In the several seconds he held me under, the first though I had was about my family, and that thought alone sent a very painful sadness straight through me. I needed them so much in those seconds, I wanted so bad to cry. I would have, had I not been drowning.

Carlisle and Esme, who'd been the parents I never had. Jasper, Emmett, Rose and Alice. They'd all done their part with me, and the thought of how my death would hurt them made me let out a sob underneath the water.

My fight lessened. Weaker now as my very skin burned with the ache for oxygen. My entire body in such pain, I never imagined this. I never imagined this type of pain was possible. It was bearable, but what it meant hurt more than the actual physical pain of it.

I was dying. I had very precious little time left to think.

He pulled me back up, and my coughs started again, as did the gasps. But as I did so, more water remained in my lungs. I was drowning even while above the water.

I wouldn't live to see the next time he let me up.

"I don't want to die." I cried, my voice clearly announcing the heartbreak I was feeling, "P-Please-"

"I'm sure Jack didn't either." He glared down at me, and got a firmer grip on my hair. That gave me an idea.

"Wait!" I sobbed loudly, and he paused, "I'll tell you what happened. The truth, even if you don't believe me." He released my hands to clear my hair from my face. I gasped audibly for breath, my lungs and throat more sore than I'd ever felt them before.

"I'm listening." He prompted after a few seconds of trying to catch my breath.

"Can you let me up? I can barely breathe." I asked, once more in my tiny voice. It wasn't to try and make him feel bigger. I had no control over the strength in my voice, and he knew that. He pulled me into a sitting position by my hair, and I sat there, panting heavily.

"I'm still waiting." He reminded me, and I nodded.

"Jack came over." I said, "I saw him that night. He came to the house, and I was stupid, and let him in. I knew what he was there for, but he seemed so calm, so I let him in."

"What was he there for?" Ken demanded, "What score did he have to settle with you?"

"I hurt him." I replied immediately, "He had me pinned against a tree, and I got free. He needed to get me back for that." Ken believed that, giving a very tense nod. Telling me to go on.

I took a breath, "He had me in my room when my family got home." I paused, my voice shaking as I tried to continue. Was I really about to tell him about my family? Just to hopefully save my own life?

No. I wouldn't rat on Emmett.

"He ran." I mumbled, "Emmett chased after him, but he let him leave. He drove away, and I have no idea what happened to him after that."

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not." I said as firmly as I could manage, "I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are." He pulled me back down, my head right at the river again, "If there's one thing I hate, it's liars."

"Why would I lie to you?" I asked quickly, "Why would I try to piss you off on purpose when you can obviously kill me at any second?"

"Because when Jack tells me he'll call me once things are over, he does." He growled, "I know my son."

"Maybe he forgot, or wasn't thinking. Emmett is a scary guy. He's big."

"I raised my son to keep his head. Nobody scares him." He replied tightly, "Least of all your worthless brother." He knew more about my family than I thought. He knew who Emmett was to me.

"He was caught off guard." I stuttered, holding onto his arm, "I swear, I'm not lying. Please don't kill me." His eyes softened, and at first, I thought I'd convinced him to let me live.

Then he smiled.

One small pull, and I was back under the water. I fought hard again, clawing at anything I could reach. His free hand gathered my wrists once again, holding them tight against me. I kicked, twisting and trying to roll, but eventually, he moved. Straddling my stomach, he pinned me easily by sitting on me. Sending what breath I still had in my lungs out in a bubble under the water.

He brought me up with seconds left to spare, and I gasped first this time. The single breath was audible, desperate and painful. He gave me time to cough twice, losing that breath I'd taken before I was back under.

My fight had all but stopped this time before he pulled me back up, and I took another gasping breath in.

"Please." I cried loudly, "Don't kill me. Please don't kill me." He released my hands and cleared my face again gently. Chuckling at my suffering. I was shaking violently, and so very weak at that point, it took me a few seconds to realize that my hands were free.

I thought quickly, though. Each time he pulled me under, he was off balance. Leaning over the water too far. Perched on his knees without a way to brace himself. His free hand wasn't supporting his weight like he should be. It was a long shot, but..

He pulled me back under, and I held my breath this time. I controlled the instinct to take another breath, and I knew I had one shot at this. Reaching up quickly, I grabbed onto his jacket. Before he could react to that, I pulled toward me, and arched at the same time with as much force as I could afford. Somehow managing to lift him and send him into the river.

Sort of attempting a backwards sumersalt. I immediately placed my hands on the edge of the river, trying to hold on at the same time. I felt and heard the splash just beside my head, and I was released.

I bent further back, just barely missing his grabs for me. My entire body was screaming in pain, and I slipped. Losing my grip on the edge of the river. I instantly tumbled through the water, headed quickly for the waterfall just up ahead. I felt my head clear the water, and I took a gasp of air in before being plunged back under.

My hands brushed something under the water, and I immediately grabbed for it. It was a very long, old root that allowed me to cling to it, and raise my head above the water. I coughed hard, and I looked around myself.

I knew I had to get out of the water, but how the hell was I supposed to do that? If I let go of the root, I was doomed. There was a rock a little ways away, but not within reach. I'd have to swim as hard as I could to reach it. I had nothing to push off of. I couldn't reach the bottom. It was too deep.

Looking behind me, I spotted a fallen tree just touching the water on the opposite side of the river. I was closer to that side than the side I'd been on anyway. The only problem was that I had actually had no idea if it was sturdy enough, and there was only one chance for me to catch it. If I missed it, there was nothing else between me and the waterfall.

Fuck it. I'm dead if I stayed in here for much longer anyway, I figured. I might as well give it a chance. Taking a deep breath, I held it, and as soon as I let the root go, I was kicking. Struggling through the fast paced water, and at first, I thought I was going to miss it. It looked too far for me to reach, so I struggled harder.

Letting my breath out in a loud sob, my reaching hands finally touching it. I grabbed on as tight as I could and went back under the water when it moved a little bit, sliding toward the river with the force with which I hit it.

"Come on!" I screamed as soon as my head was above the water once more. Carefully now, I pulled myself around the safe side of it. I wrapped my body around it, curling into a 'C' shape around the trunk. It stopped moving, and I slowly made my way toward the bank.

I didn't dare get my hopes up until I managed to claw my way up onto the grass of the other side.

I laid to the side, coughing the new water from my lungs. Resting for just a moment. I was alive. I'd made it to the other side of the river.

I clawed my way up to my hands and knees, and cautiously crawled forward. Peering over the edge of the waterfall, toward the river below. I didn't see any evidence of him down there, despite how I could clearly see the rocks he'd mentioned.

That meant he had to have gotten out. It would make sense that he could easier than I could. He was taller, and he was much stronger.

At that thought, I got as far away from the edge as I could. Which wasn't far.

"Leandra." He was there. On my side of the water, standing just up river from me. I spun with a coughing gasp, peering up at him with a quiet sob. He was just as soaking wet as I was, but he obviously had more energy than I did. He stood there as if nothing was wrong.

"Nice. Very valiant try, honey." He nodded.

"Y-You said I could live." I was trembling hard enough to steal my breath, "Y-You said i-if I made it-"

"I know what I said." He laughed, "But that no longer applied if you fought back."

"That's not fair!" I cried, my voice raw, breaking in a sob.

"Aw, honey." He murmured, "Hasn't anyone ever told you that life isn't fair? I gave you your chance. I gave you two chances. There will be no third chance, darling."

I flipped over, and scrambled to my feet. I ran as fast as I could, always one leap away from falling. I listened to him follow me, and I knew instantly that I wasn't about to get very far. So I looked around me.

Up ahead, a fallen tree branch was going to serve to protect me if I died doing it. I literally dove for it, landing on my stomach right as he caught up to me. His hand closed around my ankle right as my hand closed on the branch.

I sobbed into the underbrush as his hand shot out, gripping my ankle and pulling me back to him. I grunted, kicking back at him with my free foot, hoping to connect it to his face. He grabbed that one too, getting a better grip on me. My shirt coming up, and my skin tearing on the rough underbrush. Kneeling on my wrist, I cried out at the pain his knee caused. He yanked the branch from me and tossed it to the side before he rolled me to my back. A rough slap took me off guard, but I kept fighting.

I struggled as hard as I could, knowing I was even closer to pissing him off enough to just kill me renewing my fight. He eventually pulled me under him again, sitting on my stomach once more. Pinning my hands to my chest.

"Think you're tough shit now?" He snarled, backhanding me. Over and over. While that was going on, I was taking inventory. My legs were still free.

Arching as much as I could under him, I lifted both legs and wrapped them as much as I could around his shoulders, pulling him backwards. I panted with pain and exertion, darting to my feet once he was off of me. He darted up as well and I flew across the clearing, hitting the ground and scrambling for the branch.

I'd almost had it, when he grabbed my ankle again, pulling me back away from it. He lifted me off the ground. I hung now upside down by my ankle. Closing my eyes, I did a sit up, bending upwards and biting his hand. Yelping as I was dropped to the rocky ground beneath me from five feet up. Hitting almost head first, my spine exploded in pain, the wind being knocked from me when I tucked my head at the last second.

I laid there, arching and gasping, tears coming to my eyes. Knowing I couldn't do anything at that very second, he stood there, rubbing his hand and glaring down at me.

"You wanna play this game with me?" He growled, watching me as I watched him, "You want to play?" Miraculously, I was able to cry out at the violent kick to my side. I arched and curled in on myself. Knowing another one was coming, I was prepared.

I caught his foot, and held as tight as I could, wrapping around it and biting the back of his leg as hard as I could. He gave a snarl, and reached down, grabbing me by my hair and tugging roughly.

I released, only to jump up again, shoving myself into him. Sending him down into the ground himself. I rolled away, and dove for the branch again, just barely managing to grip it. I panted hard as I sat up, gripping the branch tight and watching as he righted himself.

"Stay away from me." I panted roughly, standing. We stood like that for a few seconds, his eyes intently on mine, anger in them. Slowly, he took a step toward me, and I stumbled a step back, landing on my butt. Keeping the branch firmly in my hand, I climbed back to my feet.

"You don't have it in you." He growled, continuing to walk closer.

"Don't I?"

"Oh, come on." He chuckled, shaking his head, "An eleven year old murderer?"

"Self defense isn't murder." I muttered, backing away again, stepping around a rock behind me. Looking behind me for any other potential issues, I didn't see him stride forward, violently smacking the branch from my hand and lifting me by my neck.

"Now you listen to me." He growled into my face, "I've had about enough of-" I grunted, kicking him in the shin. Dropping me, I shoved him back and scrambled toward the branch again. Grabbing me by my hair as I went by, he swung me roughly down to the ground, pinning me on my stomach.

He held both my arms behind my back with one of his hands, his legs wrapped around mine tightly. His other arm came up and pinned my head to the ground roughly, well out of reach of my teeth, and I winced in pain.

Panting, he leaned down, and chuckled into my ear.

"Well, lookie here." He growled, and I heard his smile, "Now what?" I twisted under him, struggling as hard as I could. I grunted when it got me nowhere, "You may be quick, you may be flexible, but you should know you're not stronger than me." I struggled again, quickly wearing myself out. I whimpered, trying to twist around again. Much weaker now.

With a start, I felt the hand holding my arms behind my back relax just a bit. Just enough. Underestimating my will to live.

With all that I was, I freed my arms, and reached back. Grabbing the skin of his stomach with as much force as I could, I twisted. He instantly shouted in pain, and jumped up. I rolled out of the way of a kick. Rolling and dodging, I crawled across the ground. Not daring to stop.

"You stupid slut!" He snarled, grabbing a tight hold of my arm, and rolling me to my back once more. Landing on me with his full weight, I lost my breath and went limp for a moment.

He leaned over me, pressing his forearm against my throat. Instantly cutting off my breath. All bets were off. I was fighting for my life now.

Remembering Jasper's words, as quickly as I could, I tucked my chin under his forearm, and sank my teeth into his arm.

He gave a shout of pain, and it only increased as I turned my head, ripping off a piece of his skin. He pulled his arm away, sitting upright as I spat it out. Before he could really react to that, I bucked as hard as I could, sending him off balance. I sat up, scooting back at the same time. Kicking him in the face that sent him off of me the rest of the way.

I dove madly for the stick once more, wrapping my hand around it just as he righted himself on his knees.

I flew to my feet, and spun, swinging the branch as hard as I could in his direction with a loud grunt. To my surprise, the thick branch actually survived hitting him across the face and head.

He fell to the side, unmoving.

I stood there, panting heavily, and watching him for a second. The blood pouring from his head like the river I'd just left. I was now completely in shock. My arm dropped, keeping a tight, white-knuckled grip on the branch, but it rested on the ground now.

I was now faced with a choice. Do I keep hitting him until I was sure he was dead? Or did I leave him there, and run for a hiding place? Risking a chance of this ever happening again?

No debate.

I swung the heavy branch once more, right for his head. Removing the threat with my own two hands. And with the help of the branch, of course.

Warm blood sprayed from where I hit him now, landing across my wet clothes and skin, as well as pieces of his skin and tissue I didn't focus on. I hardly paid attention to that. After a few more good swings, and quite a few confirming crunches, I knew it was done.

I was covered in blood, his blood from where it sprayed with each back-swing. My own blood down the front of my face from my nose. Brought forward by him backhanding me. My hair still wet, but muddy now as it clung to the skin of my neck, and a few strands on my cheeks. I threw the branch away from me, and fell back.

Sobbing again. Curling into a tight upright ball, and looking at what I'd done. What was I supposed to do now? I'd just _killed_ somebody. Taken his life. My thoughts were a jumbled mess of panic and fear, but that was the one thing I kept coming back to. He was dead, and I caused it.

Sure he was trying to kill me first, but I never thought I'd be capable of doing something like this. Never.

I fought back the panic as I thought of the consequences of this. I had to find a way home first thing. What if they didn't want me anymore? What if I was disowned? Carlisle had told me that no matter what I did, they'd never give up on me, but did that include murder?

I shakily climbed to my feet, took two steps, and blackness enclosed my mind.

I came around to the worst pain in my head I've felt in a very long time. A deep throbbing pain that hit me with the force of a truck. I was deeply disoriented at first, listening to birds chirping loudly in the trees I lay in. Face down on the grassy rock beneath me, I groaned at the dim morning light around me.

The side of my face was pressed against the hard rock under me, and I blinked tiredly at one tree in particular. Or rather, a branch. As soon as I realized that's what I was dizzily focused on, I felt my stomach tumble. Remembering everything about the night before, I pushed myself up and looked behind me. He still lay there. Same position he fell in, and without warning, I puked all over the ground under me. It was mostly river water that came up, along with a lot of acid. Burning my already painfully aching lungs and throat. Shivering violently at a rather loud clap of thunder above me.

I'd been gone all night, I realized as I looked around me through tired and sore eyes. I wondered strongly if my family were worried. If Seth was in trouble. I knew they still couldn't leave Bella, but I wondered if they even wanted to find me. I wondered if Alice had seen what I'd done. I wondered what they thought of me.

Doubts entered my mind as another rumble of thunder shook me a little, and I fought to my feet. I was doubting that I could ever make it that far on foot, and I was doubting if they even wanted me back. I was scared at that thought, I sob left me as I slowly started walking. Back toward the river.

My legs trembled, threatening to give out at every step, but I had to try.

I walked along the river, really not knowing what to do. I just left him there. Was I supposed to tell someone? Not tell anyone? I wrapped my arms around my stomach, wincing as the sky suddenly opened up, and rain fell in buckets around me, drenching me. Rinsing the left over blood from my skin, but leaving it in my clothes. My now dirty and dark blue sweater stained forever with the evidence of what I'd done.

I found a place to cross about a mile up river. A fallen tree laying half way across. The water was a lot slower here, so I wasn't nearly as afraid of falling in. Which I wound up doing, and though I drifted a little, I struggled enough to make it across. Just crossing the river again took almost all of my energy, though. I kneeled there on the opposite side, almost back where I started, panting and trembling roughly. I was so tired, and so cold, I ached.

I had a long walk ahead of me, though, and I needed to get moving as soon as possible. I couldn't just rest like I wanted to do. I had to get home. Before someone discovered Ken. I forced myself back to my feet, and continued on.

I walked up this side of the river, back toward we'd both fallen in. I paused for just a few seconds, looking over the spot he'd held me under. Nothing off about the spot, but the disrupted dirt over the rocky boulder where I'd struggled, fighting for my life.

The emotion I felt was strange. I'd never felt it before. I was scared, so very frightened, but I was also depressed. The depression working in such a way to take even more of my energy. I was almost numb, but not quite enough so.

I stood there, holding myself as I looked over the edge of the river fearfully. Trembling and sobbing quietly, feeling so incredibly lost. The only thought I could concentrate on, was getting to Carlisle. He would know what to do.

If he even still wanted me around, that was.

I turned away from the river, heading back through the trees. Toward the path Ken had parked on the night before. Retracing my steps, I remembered something then. My phone. If I could find it, I could call Carlisle.

Further off, around the trail, I heard voices above the rain. I heard two distinct voices echoing through the trees, shouting at each other above the rain. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but I ducked behind a rock, whimpering quietly, and looking around. I realized with a sinking heart that someone had discovered the car. Someone already had found his car. I had limited time before they found him.

They'd never believe it was self defense. Even if I was sure I was covered from head to toe in bruises, I was alive. Ken wasn't. That's what mattered.

Looking quite a ways across from me, I spotted the rock my phone had landed near. It was over there somewhere, and I just had to find it. Taking a deep breath and staying crouched as low as I could, I darted forward. Crossing the heavily forested area, nearly falling several times. I slid to a stop on the underbrush, landing on my knees and digging around until my fingers closed on the small square object. Trying to keep it as dry as I could, I tucked it under my soaking wet shirt, and ran again.

Straight forward, over the edge of the flattest part on this hill. It was almost a straight drop from where we were, and I fell a good ten feet, landing with a loud whimper and sob. My entire body protesting when I had to force myself upright on the steep slope of the hill. On the unsteady underbrush, and loose earth, and with shaking legs, I made my way further. As far as I could. Until I couldn't see anymore because of the tears, and until I was sure I could speak without being heard, I eventually had to rest myself against a tree.

Lowering into a small, trembling and crouching ball, I looked up and around me. Up the steep slope was a small overhang of rock, but getting there would be a chore. It was the perfect place to hide, though, so I got moving again.

Struggling uphill was harder than struggling downhill, but I made it. Finding a thick root near the edge to brace myself on next, I curled under the overhang. The rock shielding me from the rain more thoroughly than the tree had, and I hesitantly eased my phone out from under my shirt, opening it and looking it over. Sixteen missed calls, one bar of signal and two bars of battery left.

I didn't know why I hesitated in calling him. Maybe because I was afraid of him yelling at me? He'd never yelled at me before, and I would die the day he ever did. What I'd done certainly warranted yelling.

When I finally gathered the nerve to call him, I could barely breathe, I was crying so hard.

"Leandra." His worried voice answered. I sobbed, looking around me at another loud crash of thunder. I was cold, I was scared, and I wanted to go home, but I had no way of expressing that.

"Leandra, calm down." He tried, "Where are you?"

"Why didn't you come home?" I heard Seth's voice in the background, "You promised me."

"Shut up!" Rosalie's voice shut Seth up, and I struggled to breathe. Looking around me again.

"I don't know exactly where I am." I sobbed, trying to keep my voice quiet, "He's dead, Carlisle. I-I.. I killed him." He was quiet for a moment, and I panted for breath around my sobs. It was quiet in the room behind him. Not a sound now, though I knew those around him had heard me. I whimpered a little at another rumble of thunder, curling further under the rock as the rain fell even harder. Waiting for him to say something.

I was about to ask, when he finally spoke.

"Get somewhere safe." He instructed, "Out of the way, and hide there until I can figure out where you are." His calm was just as effective over the phone. He knew what to do, and he hadn't yelled at me. That small amount of relief was just enough to help me breathe.

"You can't leave Bella." I reminded him desperately.

"I just need to figure out where you are." He told me again calmly, "Just find somewhere safe to hide for now. You won't be out there long."

"Promise?" I sniffled, hating how small my voice was.

"I promise you, Leandra." His voice was firm now, "Just sit tight."

"We passed Sappho." I told him, suddenly remembering, "A-And.. He.. He went for about an hour."

"That definitely narrows it down." He replied, "Good job. Can you remember anything else?"

"Uhm.." My voice trembled with the thunder above me, "He turned right. Onto a hilly road. Near a waterfall." I sobbed a little at remembering my fear, "Carlisle, I didn't mean to do it, b-but-"

"I know." He said, "You can explain when you're safe. I know where you're at. Give it thirty minutes tops. Don't come out for anything. You'll know when it's safe." I wanted to keep talking to him, but I heard the sound of another vehicle coming up the path. I sobbed, trembling even harder.

"Hurry." I whimpered into the phone.

"Stay hidden." He said firmly, and hung up. He wasn't mad. He was only determined. I took deep breaths, forcing myself to keep breathing. Shaking like a leaf, I curled the phone back to me, hiding my eyes in my knees.

I waited, listening for any noises that told me I was about to be discovered. I could faintly hear the conversations higher above me, but I couldn't hear a word. Waiting as quietly as I could.

I jumped, giving a quiet yelp at a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and to the side, meeting Carmen's eyes. I sobbed and stood, she pressed a finger to her lips, signifying to be quiet and took my hand. When I could barely manage to follow her, she resorted to lifting me. Cradling me in her arms, she nodded to me, and I closed my eyes.

"No questions asked." She told me, "I'm to drop you off at the drive, but not come any closer."

"Thank you." I trembled in her arms.

"Eleazar is taking care of the man's remains." I shivered violently at that image, trying so hard not to throw up, "The other humans haven't found him yet, thankfully." I couldn't reply to that. I couldn't form words at that point, crying harder.

Several seconds later, she adjusted me slowly, settling me on my feet.

"We're here." She said, "You're sure you're okay here?"

"I'm alright now." I finally opened my eyes, seeing the very welcome sight of the driveway at the highway, "Thank you so much, Carmen." She saw in my eyes the gratitude, but I couldn't even begin to express how grateful I was that she was willing to help me. I thought about the wolves hidden in the trees. Hoping Carmen wasn't in trouble now.

"Never worry, Leandra." She smiled, "Never hesitate to call again, darling. Carlisle requested no questions, and I can honor that. I'm relieved, though, that we were able to help you." She gave me a gentle hug, and she was gone.

Less than ten seconds later, I looked over at the unmistakable movement of Seth's wolfy head poking from the trees. I knew being here was dangerous for him, so I wasted no time in running to him. He crouched, and I knew that was faster, so I didn't hesitate this time in climbing on his back. I clung to him tightly, shielding my face from the rain by burying it in his fur as he ran back toward the house.

The other wolves must have been on the other side of the house. Fantastic timing.

I didn't even wait for him to let me off on the porch. I dropped down off his back, landing on shaky legs, I fell to the gravel, already sobbing once more. He nosed me with a small whine, helping me across the yard and up the steps. I stumbled a little on the top step, and in through the door.

"I'm sorry." I cried as soon as Carlisle's arms were around me, "I'm sorry." The door hadn't even shut yet, and I was a wreck.

"Go get changed, and get warm." I sniffled, looking up at him, "Then come and find me." He didn't sound angry, so I nodded, trying so hard to calm down.

I didn't even stop to notice how different the living room was. I made my way straight to my room, grabbing a towel on the way and shed my soaked clothing as soon as the door was closed. I tossed them to the side, more than okay with burning them. Or, at very least, never wearing those clothes again.

Drying off, I chose only a pair of the warmest pajamas I owned. Curling into the soft fleece fabric, I felt a little better.

Carlisle was on the phone when I came back out, the living room having become populated again. Unlike so often recently, every eye was on me now. I was alive again. I sniffled roughly, finding the only open seat to be beside Esme.

I met Bella's eyes, and noticed that she looked a hundred times better than she did before. She was sitting upright now, instead of sleeping. Overhead, thunder rumbled loudly, and I jumped harshly, giving a quiet yelp. Falling into the empty seat.

"What the hell happened, shorty?" Emmett asked, shocked.

I listened as Carlisle thanked Eleazar, and hung up.

"He's covered your tracks." Carlisle murmured, looking to me, "They won't find anything." I sighed, nodding, "I'd like to know what happened."

"I-I didn't mean to do it, I swear, I-I just.. I-I don't know w-what happened.." I couldn't control my trembling. I was a wreck. I curled my legs up to my chest, sniffling into my knees.

"Just breathe, sweety." Esme smoothed my hair, which only made me cry harder.

"Please don't disown me." I cried, "I-I can't take that. I should have thought about that before, but I-I wasn't thinking, I was just s-so scared, and I d-didn't know what to do, so I just-"

"Slow down, shorty." Emmett said, "Disown you? You're kidding, right?" I looked up, sobs shaking me. Tears trailing down my cheeks.

"B-But.. I-I.. I killed somebody."

"Join the club." Rosalie mumbled, looking down.

"What?" I asked, unsure if I heard her right.

"All of us, aside from Carlisle and Esme have taken a life, Leandra." Edward mumbled beside Bella, "It doesn't excuse what happened, not in the least, but we're not going to disown you for defending yourself." I very nearly forgot. He could see what happened as clearly as I remembered it.

That definitely helped me calm down. Enough to speak.

"They'll listen." Edward told me, "Just do your best." I nodded, taking a deep breath. My lungs still screamed in pain, but I managed.

I started into my tale, recalling everything now that I was less worried about being tossed away like the trash I felt like. I told them everything, and slowly, as I got my story out, I trembled less. I was still cold, though, and I knew as soon as I was finished here, I'd be taking a long hot shower.

I told them every little detail. Almost drowning, how scared I was. My thoughts while he held me under the water. How much pain I was in, and the way it felt to be dying without being able to do a damn thing about it.

I paused, taking another deep, sighing breath. Glancing to Jasper, knowing he was helping me yet again. I had never appreciated it as much as I had now.

I couldn't look up now. Too ashamed at what I'd done.

"I tried to get home sooner, but I just passed out. When he was still there in the morning, I just.. I don't know. I freaked out. I found where Ken had thrown my phone, I ran out, and I grabbed it. I didn't know what else to do."

"You did the right thing calling me." Carlisle finally spoke, nodding with a sigh, "Leandra, I understand why you did it, and it was justified, but I'm very disappointed." I looked down again, closing my eyes as my head hung, "I'm disappointed that you would leave here, and go straight to where you knew he was. Purposefully leaving the safety of the house, and looking for trouble."

"I wasn't looking for trouble." I mumbled, "I just wanted some company."

"You had that here." Emmett frowned.

"No I didn't." I shook my head, "I couldn't be around anyone. I was the healthy human, remember? I went unnoticed for days on end. I was lonely." I looked back down, "I smacked Sam."

To my surprise, Emmett started laughing.

"You what?" He asked through chuckles.

"He tried to stop me yesterday morning." I replied, "Biting my sweater. So I smacked his nose. Not hard or anything, but it kind of surprised him."

"Oh, god." Emmett really found that funny, and I couldn't help smiling a little myself, "I'd have paid money to see the look on his face."

"So.." I mumbled, "You're not going to disown me?"

"Of course not." Esme murmured, "No, Leandra. You were defending yourself."

"I'm never leaving the house again." I whimpered, burying my eyes in my knees again, "I can't believe what I've done."

I was alive again, Bella was doing better, and I fully intended to keep that promise. I never wanted to leave the house again. Everything in town forgotten, and though I'd miss my human ties, I would give them up until the time came when they could visit me here.

I wasn't going anywhere without my family again. I needed them too much now, and even through Jasper's help, I was scared. I trembled the entire day, and while I slept. Eagerly taking the medication now, just to calm myself down a little and give myself a chance to rest. Without it, I knew sleep would have been impossible.

I would never leave their side again. Straying was just too much of a risk for me to take anymore.

**A/N: Omg. I question my ethics.  
I knooooow this is long! I apologize! I tried shortening it, but all I managed to do was add more stuff.  
If this is a little jumbled, I apologize as well. I wrote most of this while being awake twenty-two hours lol  
THANK YOU TO MY REVIEWERS! Love to you all!  
Until next chapter, folks! (:**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

I found out quick that even with the medication and Jasper's help, I was very fearful. Quiet, very reserved. Every time the door opened the entire next day, I expected someone coming to arrest me or something. Ducking from the room as quickly as my feet would allow. Even when part of me knew it was only Jacob or Seth. I knew nobody suspected I had anything to do with Ken's disappearance, not with Eleazar's help. They knew what they were doing when it came to covering something up, but I still worried.

I was suddenly painfully reminded of what happened before with the two cops. When they'd come to take me. Only this time was much different. Instead of hurting someone, I'd killed someone. I just hit him repeatedly, and didn't even consider letting him live. Self defense or not, that was a problem. I was asked if it felt the same as with the two cops, and it did, really. It had been an instinct, I was surprised to find.

Maybe it was only worse this time because I knew for a fact that he was after my life. I wasn't sure why I would move from biting, to actually killing him. If anyone else ever found out what I'd done, I'd be locked up and never let go. I scared myself, and my family understood that.

Either Mike hadn't mentioned the fact that I'd been last seen with Ken to anyone who mattered, or he didn't think I could have had anything to do with the fact that he disappeared. He called me the next day, asking if I knew anything. Considering I really didn't feel well, my voice was flat enough to be believable. I told him he'd dropped me off at home, and left. That was all I knew. I told him that we didn't speak at all, or even look at each other the entire drive.

My guilt only doubled when he believed me.

Maybe it was only my own guilt that was eating at me. I hated myself. I didn't feel bad, per sey, because I knew it was only out of defense, but I felt guilty. It bothered me, and I'd sit there for quite some time, just wondering how I could ever do something like that.

My mind wasn't moving too quickly anymore. That wasn't the problem. The problem was, that it was stuck on one thought in particular. It was stuck on the memory of him lying there. Dead. It was also stuck on the pain I heard in his voice. The very vivid memory of the way he sounded that night. How bad must it hurt to lose a child? That was something I never considered before. The anger was clear, but so was the very fact that if he'd let himself, he'd have cried.

I remembered the pain in my own father's voice the day of Jack's trial. While I laid there, so very close to dying. How scared he was, and the pain I heard in his voice because I was so very close to being beyond help. Seconds counted in that time, and if Carlisle hadn't thought so quickly, I would have died. My dad knew that, and just the very thought had caused him enough pain to cry. Sobbing over me as he held my hand in his own.

Somehow the sound of Ken's pain reminded me of my own father's, but the one difference was that I had lived. Jack didn't.

As bad as it hurt to lose my mom, I could only imagine how much it would have hurt her to have it the other way around. A parent's love wasn't something I was blessed with for more than half of my life, so the thought was a little confusing to me.

That night, the night after I came home, I started getting sick. A rather high fever, close to a hundred-and-three, and a pretty bad cough. I thought the cough was just left over from my time spent underwater, but Carlisle wasn't so sure. He was sure, though, that it was only a cold, but he kept watch on me closely anyway. Which wasn't hard to do, considering I followed him around like a little lost puppy.

I stuck to Carlisle's side like glue. I didn't quite get why now, but I had a few guesses. He'd been the first person I thought to call, and he'd been the one to save me from a situation I'd gotten myself into. Just like before. It may have been Carmen and Eleazar to actually do the work, but he'd known to call them when he couldn't physically do it himself. I never would have thought to do that.

Wherever he went, I followed. Upstairs, downstairs. Checking Bella over, then back upstairs. Unless I was sleeping, he couldn't move without me moving, too.

Bella was doing a lot better. She didn't quite look _healthy_ yet, but she didn't look quite dead anymore. This was one of those things that I hadn't fully realized how bad it was getting until I noticed that she looked better. Out of curiosity, I asked what helped her. I didn't like the answer.

Her having to drink blood did make sense in its own way, because the baby was half vampire, and from what I understood about pregnancy, what the baby wanted went, but the fact that she enjoyed doing it grossed me out to no end. I didn't particularly like the taste of blood, as I'd tasted it on more than one occasion recently, but the thought of actually drinking it straight made me shudder and not stop.

Jacob agreed with me there, so I was glad I wasn't the only one grossed out by it.

Seth hadn't been happy with me, especially since he learned that I'd fibbed in order to get my way, but he eventually wound up forgiving me the same day.

"Carlisle?" I asked, "Do you think I'm a bad person?" I wondered out loud, looking up at him, "Maybe I am a bad kid." We sat in his office upstairs. He sat reading, and I sat in the chair across from him at the small desk. My knees drawn up, but not tightly. It was just how I was comfortable.

"No, you're not a bad person." He told me, much like he always told me, "Leandra, you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Someone has to." I shrugged, sighing a little, "It's like.. I can't think of anything else."

"You've hardly eaten. Leandra, you can't afford to lose the weight you've gained. You're just starting to catch up."

"I know." I said, "I'm just too distracted to be hungry." I paused, "I'm worried about myself, Carlisle. Who else will I kill?"

"What you went through is something no one should ever have to. Much less someone your age." He sighed, closing the book on his desk, "You're distracted because you know this. You know you should never should have had to do it, but you did have to. From what you told us, you came within an inch of your life, and that scares me. What you describe is dying, and that scares me more than anything. I can only imagine what going through that, actually experiencing it did to you."

He'd never told me this before. I looked down at my bare feet on the edge of the chair.

"You were fighting for your life, Leandra." He murmured, "I never want you to lose that. In a situation like that, it's undoubtedly called for. You did what you had to do. That's the main factor here." He paused, and I looked to him, "When you find yourself stuck on that memory, that thought, just remember the facts. That he left you with no other choice. Had he given you the option, you would never have done it. You know that, and I know that. You were protecting yourself, Leandra."

"I never thought of it like that." I admitted quietly.

"It's the truth." He gave me a nod, "There wasn't any other way. It was him, or you, and as much as I hate thinking about you in a situation like that, I'd choose you every time." I smiled a little, looking down.

"Leandra, you're troubled. You're not a cold blooded murderer." He said, "The only reason you did what you did was because you had to."

"Are you sure?" I asked, looking back up.

"I'm positive." He told me, and I believed him, "You are one of the purest people I've met, Leandra. Most honest, and caring people I've known." I laughed a little, adjusting how I sat in the chair, "It's true. It amazes me every day how you can't see that."

"I'm just a magnet for trouble." I pointed out.

"Show me a child that isn't." He countered, and I shrugged a little.

"Most parents don't have to cover something like that up." I countered his counter, giving him a look. I was right, and he knew it.

"You're also not like most children." He murmured, interested now.

"I never said I was. You compared me to them first." I was having fun now. Outsmarting Carlisle really wasn't something easy to do.

"I never compared you to them." He corrected, "I only said that most children find trouble. You, on the other hand, seem to find it more often, and in outrageous quantities."

Well, damn.

"You got me there." I laughed a little, sitting back. It was quiet for a moment as my smile slowly faded, and I looked down, "I'm just stuck on it. I'm just starting to see how different I am. I just want to be okay." I shrugged a little, "I'm not trying to be perfect. I just want to be okay. I just want someone to tell me that I won't grow up, and be someone everybody hates."

"I can guarantee you won't." His tone had me look up, "I guarantee that right now." He was so sure. I smiled a little.

"I'd rather be like you." I admitted, "But that's probably not possible." He smiled, glancing down.

"Thank you." He said, "It is possible, Leandra. One day, you'll see the amazing potential in yourself. You're still so young. Give it time."

"I don't feel that young." I sighed, "I swear, I was really born thirty years ago. I just look eleven."

He chuckled, "Sometimes I truly wonder."

"Do I bother you? By following you around?" I asked, curious.

"Of course not." He replied, and I smiled slightly in relief, "I don't mind in the least, Leandra."

"How about when I ask things?" I asked, "Do I bother you then?"

"Definitely not." He smiled, "You're looking for knowledge. Or answers to the many questions you're bound to have. I love to help any way I can."

"You've helped me plenty." I reminded him, "I feel bad."

"Why?" He asked, frowning a little.

"Because I can't give anything back." I said, "You give everything, but I can't give anything to you in return."

"You're not expected to." He told me, "And you give plenty."

"Plenty of headaches." I laughed, turning sideways in the chair. Throwing my leg over the armrest.

"You've always been the very definition of strength, Leandra." He corrected, "From the very day I met you. By choosing to tolerate us for what we are, you deny your very nature just as much as we attempt to deny ours. By choosing to do so, you allow us to witness what it means to stand strong."

"Tolerate you?" I asked, surprised, and he looked down, "Is that what you think I do?" That made so much sense, I felt like I'd been slapped awake. He didn't reply, so I laughed a little, "Carlisle, I couldn't live without you. I mean that. I couldn't live without you, or Esme. Or Emmett, or Alice, or Jasper. Even _Rosalie_. Without you, I'd have died a long time ago. I think that's been proven already." I paused with another shrug, "And look at it this way. If I never would have come to you, I never would have learned how to fight so hard. I know I mess up a lot, but without you, I would never have had the chance to mess up at all."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're human, Leandra." He murmured, "You're not meant to accept us for what we are."

"Yeah, I'm human. So what?" I asked, "I'll be like you one day. Then you'll never be able to get rid of me." I smiled a little, trying to ease his obvious worry, "Just because I'm human doesn't mean it's a bad thing that I'm learning to be like you. It's harder for me, but when have I ever chosen the easy way?"

That got him to smile a little also, chuckling quietly.

"There's nothing wrong with vampires adopting a human." I insisted, getting more comfortable, "It's just like those shows on TV about a cheetah that adopts a gazelle, or a tiger that adopts a little piggy, or something. It's just like that." I glanced toward the door at Emmett's laughter up the hall, unable to keep from laughing as well, "It's a little odd, but there's nothing wrong with it. The way I see it, all that matters is that you mean the world to me, and I obviously mean something to you, because you saw something in me that I still don't see in myself. It shouldn't matter that I'm not like you. It doesn't matter to me, anyway. It never has."

"You're definitely wise beyond your years, Leandra." He nodded a little, standing with a slight sighing chuckle. I stood up also, following him as he made his way from the room. I walked along beside him as we headed for the stairs, no doubt to check on Bella again.

She looked even better now. Now that the baby was getting all it needed, it stopped taking from her. As gross as it was, I was thankful to Jacob for having the idea.

Carlisle continued through the room, though, once he'd checked on her. To my surprise, and I followed as he made his way into the next room. Where Edward stood waiting. He must have called Carlisle. He glanced to me, but didn't ask. Knowing my attachment.

"There isn't a lot of blood left. Maybe two days worth." Edward sighed, and Carlisle sighed as well.

"She'll need more."

"I can donate." I suggested, and Carlisle smiled a little. Edward following suit.

"No, Leandra." He said, "That's very gracious of you, but no."

"I won't miss it." I continued.

"Leandra, I think you've lost enough blood in your life." Edward pointed out. I frowned a little.

"True." I mumbled, sighing a little.

"Besides." Edward continued, "You're still sick. You need a chance to recover before we start taking blood from you." At that, Carlisle felt my forehead. I pursed my lips, but let him.

"I tried." I murmured.

"I know." Carlisle replied, "But Edward is right. You should be resting."

"But-"

"It's the fastest way for you to get better." Carlisle insisted, "Just a few hours."

It turned out I was more tired than I thought I was. I fell asleep that evening, long before nightfall, and woke up the next afternoon. Very disoriented, and my fever had gone up again, but I was just eager to find Carlisle.

I'd woken up with a nervous knot in my stomach, and as I climbed out of bed, my hand rubbed my stomach. Trying to ease it. It was too soon for my medication to be wearing off, which confused me.

I sensed the change in Bella and Edward just by looking at them on my way through the living room. Careful to keep my distance from Bella, not wanting to get her sick, I watched Edward and Bella as they sat cuddling on the couch, and the way they seemed close again made me smile a little. Something new had happened, and though I didn't know what it was, I knew it was a good thing. Hopefully it helped her.

I found Carlisle and Esme talking to Jacob, and I waited just out of hearing range. Not wanting to be rude. Seconds after the front door closed, Jacob leaving, Carlisle and Esme found me.

"How are you feeling, honey?" Esme asked, pressing her palm to my forehead before I answered. The worry in her eyes told me the fever had only gone up.

"I'm okay." I mumbled, though I knew she knew better.

"You should stay in bed." Carlisle told me, and I looked down.

"I want to be around." I admitted, "I know I'm in the way, but I miss you." He stopped insisting, his eyes softening once I told him that. He gave me a soft smile, sighing a little.

"I'll get you something." He finally said, turning toward the stairs. It was difficult to concentrate today.

"How high is it?" I mumbled, looking up at Esme as she sat us on a bench by the stairs.

"Nearly one-oh-four." She replied quietly, "Any higher, and we'll really start to worry."

"I'll be okay." I sighed, closing my eyes and leaning against her, "Fevers always make me feel tired, even if I'm not."

"Tonight, I want you to get plenty of rest, okay?" Carlisle came back in, two bottles of pills and a glass of water in his hands, "We won't be here, so just sleep."

"Where are you going?" I asked, sitting upright.

"We are going to attempt a hunt tonight." Esme explained, smoothing her hand over my forehead again. Trying to cool me off and comfort me at the same time.

"With the wolves still out there?" I asked, worry in my tone now, "You can't do that."

"We'll be okay." Esme told me, "Emmett is coming along, and Jake is willing to help us."

"I don't care." I gasped, shaking my head, "If they're willing to corner me, what would they do to you? Don't go."

"It'll be alright, honey." She murmured, hugging me into her side, "I don't want you to worry."

"Too late." I was surprised to find I was nervous enough to cry, "Don't go. Find another way."

"Leandra, we have to." Carlisle finally spoke up, "We have to do everything we can to help Bella. We'd do the same for you."

"I wouldn't want you to." I replied, wiping the few tears that escaped away. Whimpering a little, shaking my head, "Please?"

"I'm sorry." He said, "We'll be alright, Leandra. Please believe that."

"I wouldn't let anything happen to them, shorty." Emmett suddenly stood in the doorway, "You're worrying again."

"I know I am." I sniffled, "I just don't want anyone to go anywhere."

"Alice will keep an eye on you." Carlisle informed me, "So stay inside. Don't go anywhere." I pursed my lips, but didn't reply.

I worried the entire rest of the day, following Carlisle around the rest of the day. My nervousness only getting worse the closer it came to nightfall. I refused to tell anyone about how close my nervousness was to dread, only getting more agitated the closer it came to becoming pure dread. It was there, I knew it. I felt it. I couldn't ignore it, so when Carlisle stood to leave the room that night, I reached out and grabbed his hand.

"Don't go." I whined, and he sighed, kneeling in front of me.

"We won't be gone long." He tried to ease my worry, "I'll make sure of it. Bella could deliver any day now, and I want to be as strong as I can for her. You know the only way to do that is to hunt."

"I know." I mumbled, "I just.. I don't want you to go."

"We'll be back before you know it." He gave me a smile, which I couldn't return. He stood, giving my hand a gentle squeeze, "Get some rest tonight, Leandra. I'm concerned about your fever." I didn't reply, and I kept my eyes down now as he let go of my hand. He turned, leaving the room.

Standing, I left the room once I heard the front door close downstairs, and I knew it was their only open window. I hated having them already so far away. I headed downstairs into my room.

I rubbed my nervous stomach, turning away from the window. I hoped, prayed this time I was wrong. That I didn't have to be nervous. There really was a lot to be nervous about, and I knew that. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett out there with wolves that would do whatever was necessary to get to Bella. Bella ready to give birth any day now. I knew something was coming, something was going to happen soon.

It might not have been tonight, but in the next few days, at least.

The fact that I felt this dread the moment I was told they were leaving that night worried me. I didn't want anything to happen to them, but I felt the dread plain as day. As if no medication hindered it. Just like the other night, with Ken. I felt something would happen, and yet here I was, not saying a word about it and powerless to stop anything from happening.

This feeling scared me, and I'd have given anything to have Carlisle and Esme back home. Them being home meant safety. I recognized that, and I always had. Usually it was me leaving them. Hardly ever did they leave me. It made me uncomfortable, edgy. Nervous.

Laying across my bed, I tried hard to ignore the pounding of my heart, and despite how much I tried to, I couldn't calm down. So I thought, and I thought hard about what I could tell myself to make this situation alright.

Was this really dread I felt? I ignored the truth of that question.

Was my nervousness just a product of my abandonment fears? The last time Carlisle left me, was to leave town. Whenever he or Esme had gone hunting, I'd always be asleep. Never aware of their absence. This was what I had to get over. I had to just get over it, and learn how to be apart from Carlisle. I was probably just working myself up over nothing. Emmett was with them. They were probably perfectly fine.

They were fine, I told myself. Nothing was going to happen. Nothing would happen, and they'd be home soon. I still cried, however. It bothered me a great deal to have them leave me like that.

A knock at the door had me lean up on my elbows, looking to the door.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly. The door opened, and to my surprised Jasper walked in.

He lifted his hand, holding a bar of chocolate and a can of soda with a smirk, "I thought you could use some company." I smiled a little, nodding. He stepped in and closed the door behind him, sighing as he crossed the room.

"Carlisle wouldn't be happy if he knew I was feeding you candy and soda when you're still so sick, but.. I don't care." He sat down on the side of the bed. I accepted the peace offerings with a small smile.

"Thanks." I sighed, sitting up fully, "How's Bella?"

"As well as can be expected." He answered, watching as I opened the chocolate wrapper, "Any day now."

"That's what Carlisle was saying." I mumbled, looking down, "Jasper, I still don't feel any better about this."

"Even with the medication?" He asked, surprised.

"I took it tonight." I shrugged a little, "And you know my emotions better than I do. You tell me."

"You've adjusted." He pointed out, "That's surprising."

"I don't think so." I replied, "It happens."

"I thought for sure you wouldn't feel anything like this as long as you were taking it."

"I felt it that night. With Ken." I admitted quietly, "That was the first time I felt scared with it still effecting me. It was too soon for it to have worn off." I nibbled on a piece of chocolate, sighing quietly.

"About that.." He murmured, "You're still beating yourself up."

"I always will." I replied, "That'll never change."

"You know you had no choice." He mused, "Yet you still feel guilty."

"All he wanted was answers." I murmured after a moment, "And I couldn't give him the right one. I guess, in a way, he reminded me of my dad."

"I can tell you exactly why." Jasper offered, and I looked up.

"Everyone is always telling you how horrible Jack was to you. How badly he hurt you, scarred you." I opened the soda, looking for any excuse not to look at him, "But what they forgot to mention, is the fact that he was also the only father you'd known for six years. From the time you were so very young, until just a year ago."

"A year and a half." I corrected quietly, sipping the soda.

"A year and a half." He allowed, "But having him in such an important role in your life will leave a mark of its own. You grew up most of the way with him as a father, as horrible as he was to you. He'll always be a part of your personality, and there's nothing any of us can do to change that. Jack will always be present, just because of the fact that he raised you this far." I looked up finally, waiting for his point, "He'll always be a part of you. Dead or not, gone or not, he'll always be a part of you. So it was only natural for you to feel a sort of connection with Ken. That's bound to happen, because you've yet had a chance to mourn Jack's death yourself."

"What?" I snorted, "Why would I do that?"

"Because he was in your life for such a long time, Leandra." He repeated, "You knew him. As much as you hate to consider it, you had a human tie with Jack. Those hurt to break, even if whoever it was hurt you so badly."

I sighed, frowning a little.

"Being human is more confusing than I thought."

"You still feel guilty over what happened the other night, because you're human, Leandra. You felt a connection to Ken, because he was Jack's father. You felt you could relate to him, on some whole new unrecognizable level. As hard as it is to consider, Ken was family for a long time, Leandra." Jasper sighed, "It's complicated, I know, but sometimes things aren't black and white. There are so many shades of gray in life, places that don't fit perfectly in a good or a bad category. You just have to learn when to just accept them."

"I'm starting to see that." I sighed and crumbled the wrapper.

"Just a question." He said quietly, "Leandra, what does this feeling you have have to do with?" I bit my lip a little, "When did you first feel it again?"

"When Carlisle told me they would be hunting tonight." I mumbled, glancing up, "I hate it when they're gone."

"I want you to concentrate." He said, "Think about what your emotions are telling you." I waited, "Is this nervousness about Carlisle and Esme?" I nodded, "Okay, is it that something happens here while they're gone, or is it that something happens to them while they're gone? Those are two different emotions, Leandra, and only you can tell the difference. I can't tell you that much about them."

I sighed heavily, looking down. I found the more I concentrated on it, the worse the dread got, but this was something he needed me to do.

"They got away just fine, but I need you to think." Jasper urged, "You can do this."

His absolute faith in me made me nervous. He hadn't pressured me like this before. Nobody had. This was harder now because I _knew_ I could do it. I thought hard about what my emotion was telling me. Concentrating on that, and only on that, I thought about what it meant. I thought about what it meant, what it could mean, what could possibly happen to make me feel this way.

"Here." I finally said, looking up, "Not them. Here."

"Good." He told me tensely. Not a hint of relief in his voice, "What happens? Do the wolves attempt something?" I looked down again.

I quickly also found the harder I pressed it, the harder I tried to concentrate only on what I felt and what it could possibly mean, my head began to ache. I sighed, wincing and rubbing my forehead a little.

"Ow." I mumbled, looking up.

"You feel pain?" He asked, and I nodded, "That means you're trying to see what you can't yet. Back away a little, and just ease into it."

"How do you know so much about this?" I asked, frowning.

"I did my research, Leandra." He said, "I wanted to be as supportive to Alice as I possibly could." I nodded, understanding, "Just breathe, and try again." I took a deep breath, nodding again.

I sat there for several minutes now. Silence helping me concentrate. I focused directly on the emotion, and what could possibly happen around the house, and I found myself confused. I couldn't figure it out.

"I-I.." I sighed, shaking my head, "I don't know."

"Just try-" He cut off, looking quickly back at the door. The intense worry in his eyes had me stand instantly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, watching as he stood as well, his eyes still on the door. When he didn't answer me, I turned. Heading straight for the door myself.

"Leandra." He called, but I didn't stop, "Leandra, stop. Stay in here." I continued, when I really should have stopped. My hand closed on the knob before I felt his hand close on my arm.

Whatever was happening out in the living room was obviously something I really didn't need to see. Whatever was happening out there was something so bad, it made Jasper too tense to control his strength completely, and when he grabbed my arm, I had no other choice. I sucked in a gasping breath, crying out in the pain I felt now.

At that one cry of pain, he flinched back like I'd burned him. He stayed beside me, though, his eyes more black than I'd ever seen them. Out of curiosity, I lifted my shirt sleeve, to take in the damage. Spotting the immediate dark bruising in the shape of his hand. Only whimpering now in pain. I knew it wasn't broken, but the shock on his face had me instantly lower my sleeve, looking back up at him.

He took a step back, and he didn't try to stop me again as I threw open the door, and ran out. Nobody was out in the living room now, but I saw the large blood puddle on the carpet, and I heard the screams upstairs. I didn't stop running. I slammed through the side door, already crying.

It wasn't his fault, and I knew that. It wasn't Jasper's fault. It had been an accident. One split second he wasn't completely in control, but I couldn't help it. I needed to run.

I nearly tripped, almost falling down the porch stairs but I managed to stay on my feet, racing across the yard, and jumping into the trees.

I hadn't the slightest clue where I was running, but I needed to. There was no choice in the matter. I needed to run, and get away from the one that hurt me. As far away as I could get. Even if it wasn't his fault.

I ran in one direction for nearly ten minutes now, unable to stop. I could hardly see. The night closed around me like a cloak, and my tears falling from my eyes. My breath coming in quiet, almost silent panicked sobs as I did my best to climb over fallen trees, and tried to maneuver myself around thick patches of underbrush.

Close to fifteen minutes of running, I was suddenly stopped from running, scooped into arms and I was suddenly being carried back the direction we'd come. I recognized Carlisle's arms adjusting me to his back, so I clung on with a quiet sob.

Not a question was asked. Not a word was said as we made it back to the yard in less than half the time it took for me to get as far as I did. I was let down quickly, urgently beside the side porch stairs, and they were gone again.

Running around the side of the house, I heard and saw why they were moving so quickly.

The fight I saw was rough, the snarling coming from the pack of wolves intent on destroying my family forever had my breathing nearly stop. I cried, cringing by the side of the house, unable to do anything but kneel. Crouch in fear as I watched. I couldn't even move any closer. I was too scared.

The snarling was getting loud, frightening, making me jump with each one. My heart pounding faster, harder with each passing second. Everything was happening too quickly to really get a good sense of what was going on. I couldn't even watch anymore.

I buried my eyes in my knees, covering my ears in defense of the loud snarling and suffocating growls coming from the wolves. I cried. I continued to cry, wishing I could do something besides sit there like a coward, but I was too afraid.

Over how tight I compressed my ears between my hands and how hard I cried, I couldn't hear much. My head was still ringing with the sounds of the wolves' snarling, I must have stayed there for a few minutes.

I yelped, mostly screamed when I was lifted suddenly. I briefly opened my eyes, looking up at Carlisle and whimpered, hugging him tight. I opened my eyes, looking around as we headed up the steps. Only Seth, Leah and now Jake were still in the yard.

Carlisle set me carefully on the couch, and I sniffled, looking around. Trembling in left over fear of the noises in the yard. Jasper wasn't there. Neither was Alice, and I worried.

"Why were you outside?" Carlisle asked after a moment.

"I got scared." I admitted, "So I ran." I looked up after awhile, meeting his eyes. Thankful to see the gold returned to them. He didn't scold me this time, probably because I acted out of fear instead of on a whim.

I started to calm down once I saw that he and Esme both looked unharmed. Emmett behind them gave me a small smile.

"What happened?" I asked shakily, "I don't know anything."

"The baby's been born." Carlisle answered, "And as we speak, Bella is being turned. She'll be finished changing in three days." I sniffled, nodding.

Though I was curious, I really didn't want to know a whole lot of details. I just wanted to know basic, small details. That was fine by me right then.

A short while later, I was in bed. I was assured that the others would hunt during the night, so I could join everyone again. I knew Jasper would tell Carlisle what happened, and I could only hope he wasn't too hard on him. I could also only hope that Jasper wasn't too hard on himself. I was fine. I'd only been scared, and unable to hold back the instinct to run. I knew it wasn't his fault, but he'd always told me that he'd never be able to forgive himself if he ever were to hurt me.

I coughed a little, falling asleep. I knew my eventful evening wouldn't help how sick I was.

I was woken up in the morning by Carlisle. That never happened. Since I hardly had any nightmares anymore, much less dreams, he never had to wake me up. He was packing a bag for me. I sat up, watching him. I didn't say anything at first, just watching.

I remembered this feeling. Back when he had to drop me off at Mrs. Harrison's house. Back when the family was threatened by the two bad vampires.

"What are you doing?" I finally asked quietly. Though I already knew.

"You'll be spending about a week away from home." He replied, pausing his packing to look at me.

"I'm not leaving-"

"Leandra," He said firmly, turning to me, "There will be a newborn in the house. You do not want to be here when she's finished being turned. One, it will cause her pain, and two, it will be extremely difficult for her to resist you, if she can at all. We might be able to protect you at first, but I fear that sooner or later, something might happen. I won't take that risk with you." He paused, waiting for me to continue arguing. When I didn't, only looking down, he sighed, "I know how difficult this is for you, but I promise it's not any easier on us."

I sighed sadly, climbing out of bed. I could tell by the tone of his voice that I wouldn't sway him.

"Before you get rid of me, can I at least stay until the afternoon?" I asked, looking up at him. I actually hadn't meant to word it that way, but the words were already out. The sadness in his eyes made me look back down.

"I'm not getting rid of you, Leandra." He said, and I shook my head.

"I know." I muttered sadly, "I know. I just.. I don't like being tossed aside."

I sighed, letting him take my hand and lead me from the room. Esme and Rosalie weren't in the living room, but the others were. I smiled sadly at the gold returned to their eyes. It meant they were closer to content. My smile faded a little at Jasper's expression.

As much as I hated it, I had a sinking suspicion that what happened the night before had a lot to do with me being sent away. Not just Bella. It wasn't fair.

"I'm fine." I finally told him, and he glanced up. Shaking his head, he looked back down.

"Leandra." Alice called my attention and I reluctantly looked her way, "Jasper tells me you almost got the hang of it last night." She was trying to change the subject.

"Almost." I sighed, playing along. It did no use to argue right now. There was no point, "Until my head started to hurt." She gave me a sad smile, nodding a little.

"Those are your limits for now." She explained, "Those will expand now that you know how to push them."

"Do I even want to?" I asked, mostly to myself as I sat down. There was a sad silence in the room that nobody broke.

"Alright." I finally looked up at Emmett's tone, watching as he strode forward and lifted me. I really couldn't help laughing as he wrapped me in a bear hug. The careful distance I'd dealt with the last few weeks had begun to grate on me, and I hadn't even noticed how much I missed Emmett's hugs.

"You're heavier." He commented, and I pulled back, "You grew." I nodded, laughing a little, "Geez, I might as well have been blind. How big are you now, shorty?"

"Almost 4'1." I reported proudly, "You noticed."

"I'm sorry I haven't noticed before. You're catching up." He smiled, and I hugged him again. I pulled back, looking back toward the stairs as Esme and Rosalie came down, followed closely by Jacob and Edward. I smiled back at them, hopping down from Emmett's arms.

In Rose's arms, was the baby. The baby already looked days old. I walked over to her, trying to peer into the blanket in her arms, just to get a better look. Edward stepped closer, taking the baby from Rose gently.

"Come here, Leandra." He said, smiling a little down at me. He walked over to the couch, and sat. I took the seat next to him, looking at the baby in his arms, "This is Renesmee." I smiled a little at the name. I thought it was beautiful, and certainly fit the slightly squirming baby in his arms.

The baby, Renesmee, opened her eyes, and looked up at me. The others were quiet as I looked closer. Amazed that she could hold my gaze so intelligently. Most babies couldn't. I thought about how much worry had surrounded this little baby, and how much the family had gone through while she grew.

I reached my hand out, letting Renesmee take my finger in her hand. Like I'd done for Kaylee before. Edward murmured a quiet warning, one I didn't heed.

Her small fingers closed on my finger, and though it was slightly painful of a grip, it didn't hurt near as much as when she attempted to bite me. Her teeth grazed the skin, and she'd just started to apply pressure, but I yanked my hand back quickly, and she began to cry as Edward corrected her gently.

I was surprised when I started to cry as well. It took me off guard. As if hearing her cry, and the attention she instantly got had hurt me more than her teeth would have. All at once, jealousy began to burn in my heart.

It was because of that little baby that I was being sent away. It was because of that little baby that I'd been pretty much exiled by the family for the last few weeks. It was her fault I couldn't be around them, and it was because of her I had to wander that day. It was because of her I killed Ken. It was her fault I even met him at all. I would never have tried to walk that far if I had someone to give me a ride. With the family so worried about Bella, and the _baby_, I was tossed aside.

It was her fault Jasper hurt me the night before. It was her fault I had to run last night.

I scooted over, away from Renesmee and Edward, not missing the glances the family gave to each other as I continued to cry. Esme sitting between Edward and I, pulling me into her side.

Everything I felt, all the loneliness, and the fear I'd had to feel the last few weeks was because of that baby, and I didn't like her. Not in the least. It was her fault I was being tossed aside yet again, and it was her fault I felt so strongly that my life was ruined.

I didn't know where I was being sent, and I didn't care, but I would go quietly. If they wanted to replace me with that new hybrid baby, then so be it.

**A/N: The _one_ time I don't give a warning on how long a chapter will take, and it takes a freaking year. I'm _so_ sorry this took so long, guys. So much has been going on around here, I don't even know where to begin explaining.  
If this chapter is a little mixed up, please forgive me. I wanted to get this out there, because it helps me concentrate and resets my time limit on the next chapter lol  
THANK YOU to my awesome reviewers. Without you, there'd be no chapter sixteen lol  
I look forward to reading your thoughts on this one. Again, I apologize if it seems like mostly filler, or too rushed/mixed up. It's been chaotic around here lately.  
Until seventeen, guys. :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

I stood there on the porch, pulling on one of my heavier coats, and enduring having to say goodbye to everyone. I still didn't know where I was being taken, but Carlisle was taking me alone. Just like before.

"I know how much this bothers you, Leandra." Edward pointed out, "And I'm sorry." I wished he'd just stop. He wasn't very convincing.

"It's not your fault." I mumbled, sighing. It was the only thing I could think of to say to be left alone. Part of me just wanted to get this over with. I knew standing there, pleading with them not to make me leave would do nothing for me. I understood that having a newborn around was nothing to take risks with, and still, I felt almost betrayed in a way. More hurt than I had been in a long time.

It was stupid. I knew it was stupid, but it was how I felt. I couldn't change it no matter how hard I tried. Nothing would.

"It's not what you think." Edward assured me, "We aren't trading you."

"Right." I murmured, "Yet I'm the one that has to go, and she gets to stay. I guess I can't blame you." I shrugged, turning my eyes down, "I'd trade me too if I could."

Of course there was arguing. Trying to change my mind, but by the time I sat in Carlisle's arms, and he ran from the house, I wasn't any more convinced than I was before. Nothing would change it.

The fact that he ran instead of driving me anywhere should have told me something, but I wasn't paying any attention to that. I was more focused on the overwhelming jealousy I felt, and the heartbreak that tried to steal my breath. I really should have been used to it by now.

"I want you to believe that this is only temporary." He told me, "I give you my word."

I didn't say a word in response. I didn't bother. He knew where I stood, and he knew how I felt. I didn't need to.

"I need you to promise me that you won't cause trouble." Carlisle spoke again, "Can you do that for me?"

"Why should I?"

I actually felt this time when he stopped running. The air here was colder than I was used to. Much colder, and as soon as I opened my eyes, I realized why. We were standing in the middle of some trees, coated in snow.

The air nipped at my nose and cheeks, nearly burning my skin with how cold it was, and I looked up.

"Leandra, please listen to me." He said, and it seemed as if the cold had no effect on him, "I told you that we'd never get rid of you." Snow drifted down in quick, fat flakes. Sticking to my hair and my coat. It bothered me.

"Then don't." I wasn't able to resist pleading now, "Please don't."

"I wish I could explain this in a way you could understand." He sighed, setting me on my feet, "I know how unfair it seems that you're not the one that gets to stay, but there is a reason we're bringing you here."

"So you can start new." I replied, "And finally have someone who's never caused any problems around the house."

"No." He said, taking my hand as we started walking, "That's not it at all." I knew it wasn't. I knew he was being honest with me, but I couldn't help myself. Tears stung my eyes, and I sniffled in the cold. Coughing a little, "We're only trying to keep you safe. This has nothing to do with what happened between you and Jasper, and this has nothing to do with Renesmee. This only has everything to do with the fact that Bella will be finished changing in two and a half days, and I don't want you anywhere near her when that happens."

I sniffled again, holding tighter to his hand, "I promise you." He continued as we stepped from the trees, and I looked ahead at the house ahead of me, "I will return for you when it's safe. Until then, I only ask that you try to behave. Please, Leandra."

I realized where we were just seconds before the back door opened, and our Denali cousins stepped out. I looked up at him questioningly. This was new, but the snow should have been a dead giveaway.

"So far away?" I asked, "Why so far away?"

"Leandra, I know how you feel, but I promise you, this is only temporary. You're still with family." He assured me, "Please don't be upset."

Once more, tears stung my eyes, and I glanced to the entire group just a few feet away from us. Eleazar and Carmen. Tanya, Irina, and Kate. Sympathetic expressions on their faces. I fought the sobs, but tears already trailed down my cheeks, "Please don't leave me here."

"It'll be alright, Leandra." Tanya tried, but I didn't believe her. Nothing could possibly be alright when I couldn't be home.

"I'll be okay." I cried, stepping forward, and hugging Carlisle tightly, "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me, Carlisle. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did wrong." My heart was breaking, "I'll stay out of the way. I'll stay in my room. I won't come out."

"Oh, honey." Carmen murmured sadly, "It's not permanent. I promise."

"I just think it'll be safer for you here." Carlisle told me, and I sobbed.

"Think again!" I shook my head, trying to catch my breath, "Don't leave me." I looked up at him, trying to see through my tears, "I'll be good. I promise. Just.. Just don't.. Don't leave me. I'll stay, I'll be good. I won't cause any more problems." He pulled me back to him, comforting me with his arms around me. I couldn't stand the thought of not being beside him.

Something I really should have realized, was that my heart was breaking as if this were a permanent situation, despite being repeatedly assured that it wasn't. It was only a few days, but I felt like it was for good. It hurt like it was for good. I sobbed into his jacket like he was leaving me permanently, and I couldn't stop. My entire body shook, and I felt like at any second, I would fall.

"Please." I gasped, sobbing into his jacket, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't leave me."

"Honey." Carmen sighed, pulling me from him by my shoulders, "It's safest for you here." I fought from her briefly, trying to get back to him, but she caught me.

"She'll be fine here, Carlisle." Tanya told him, "You just worry about Bella." I struggled again in Carmen's arms, but this time, she wasn't letting go. I lunged to bite her, and she pulled back, of course much faster than I could move, and I yanked myself from her hand.

"Goodness." She muttered, but I ignored her surprise. Running forward again. She could have caught me easily. They all could have, but I landed against Carlisle's side again, trembling from head to toe as he embraced me yet again with a small sigh.

He held me tightly, letting me cry for a few minutes. I was cold, but I wasn't letting him know that. I didn't want him to go. I really didn't want to be left here. Especially after how much my attachment to him had grown. After what happened only days before, being cold bothered me. More so now. Now, I hated being cold at all, but now it was so much worse. I wouldn't feel safe here without him. I knew that for a fact.

"Leandra." He spoke quietly, "You need to go inside." He knew I was cold anyway.

"No." I sobbed, "Not without you."

"Maybe it's best if you leave quickly, Carlisle." Tanya suggested, turning me away from him once more by my shoulders.

"I will return for you, Leandra." Carlisle told me, and suddenly, he was gone. Obviously agreeing with Tanya. I tried to follow, but she wouldn't let me. Until I fought from her arms, and ran toward the house.

I was with family, it was true, but it wasn't my family. I didn't choose to be here. I wanted to go home. I didn't know where any safe places were here, and I realized that as soon as I was inside.

"I know you're uncomfortable here, but you'll adjust." Kate offered, "Don't worry." I refused to listen. I jogged toward the stairs, rounding the railing quickly. Half way up, I paused.

"Third door on the right." Tanya called after me, knowing where I was going.

"Leandra," Eleazar called, and I slowed momentarily, "Don't stay up there too long. Given the forewarning about your escaping habits, I'd prefer to keep you where we can watch you." I didn't say anything in return, continuing on my way.

I was left here. Just like baggage, or a family pet left for the weekend. I understood. I knew the reason, I knew they were telling me the truth, but it still bothered me. Deeply. I needed my family. Not the cousins, but _my_ family. There was a huge difference to me.

I didn't believe Eleazar was serious, so after a few hours by myself, I was surprised at a knock at the door. I didn't acknowledge it, turning away. Settling further in the chair by the window. Curled into an upright ball, my eyes scanned the snow outside. The rocky, snowy landscape.

"Leandra?" It was Carmen that opened the door, "Are you hungry?" I was, actually, but I wasn't about to tell them that. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be here, and I felt my old ways of expressing that coming forward. Medication or not, this was something intolerable to me. Something I couldn't help but be jarringly unhappy about.

She sighed, and I listened to her making her way into the room, "I know you want to be alone, but come on downstairs. I think you could use some company." I shook my head in response, but that was the most she was getting from me.

"Please?" She pressed, "I think it'd be good for you to get to know us a little better." I shook my head again. Already irritated.

"Leandra-"

"I said no!" I shouted, turning to look at her finally. She wasn't phased by my shout. She wasn't bothered by it. She never even blinked. I couldn't blame her for not being phased. I hadn't used the heat behind my voice that I usually used. I was still getting used to feeling this way again.

"Shouting won't get you anywhere here, Leandra." Her tone was just as calm as before, "Just come downstairs, where can properly keep an eye on you."

She eventually had to pester me enough to get me guarded, running from the room as quickly as I'd run into it. Unfortunately, I was herded. They knew what to do, and they were ready for it.

The only real place for me to go, thanks to Kate, was downstairs. Toward the front door, but Tanya kept me from leaving. Trying to go back upstairs was a no-go, since Carmen and Kate had blocked that way as well. I settled for finding a corner beside the fireplace to curl into.

"Was that so hard?" Carmen asked, and I glared down, "Just calm down, honey. I know it seems so much like we're the enemy here, but I swear we aren't."

"You don't want to be anywhere near a newborn when they finish changing." Eleazar told me, and I ignored him as thoroughly as I had Carmen, "This is the safest way."

I'd never felt so isolated in my life. Not knowing a thing about where I was. I hated it, and without Jasper to help me control it, I let it show in my glare. I wasn't happy.

I spent the rest of the day in that corner, never moving more than adjusting how I sat. I eventually closed my eyes, just so I wouldn't have to see them. Half of the night passed before they really tried insisting I move from the corner. I refused, thankful that this wasn't something they'd force me to do as well.

"She'll come out eventually." Eleazar comforted them when they expressed their worry, "Tantrums can't last forever." I saw that as a challenge. This wasn't a tantrum. This was me letting them know I wasn't happy. They hadn't _seen_ a tantrum from me yet.

I eventually had to find a bathroom, but went right back to my corner.

The next morning came around, and I was very hungry at that point, but I didn't say a word to them. I was asked, but I ignored them. I didn't shout again. I didn't say a word. It was easier that way, despite how I wanted to. I wasn't ready to get back into shouting again. I wasn't used to it.

I was also asked to take the medication that was also so important. I refused. Sitting on the floor for that long, though, was really starting to hurt. I scolded myself. It was only the second day, and here I was, considering giving in. It was stupid of me, though. Trying to wait out the vampires that waited me out.

Kate and Carmen were the ones most concerned about me. Often asking what they should do.

"Should we call Carlisle?" Carmen asked, giving me a worried glance.

"Definitely not." Eleazar said, looking over his magazine calmly, "She'll come around. We've just got to be patient, and obviously don't give in to her demands."

"But she hasn't eaten. She hasn't slept." Kate pointed out.

"And she's aware of that." Eleazar answered, "She's used to getting her way when she does things like this. That's got to stop. She'll come out when she realizes that it's not going to work here. Everytime you bring it up, it only reenforces her behavior, Kate. Just ignore her."

They eventually did, and eventually, I couldn't wait anymore. He thought he would wait me out? Okay. All I needed was less attention on me, and the only way to do that was to cooperate. To a point.

I stood up, and immediately had their attention.

"Are you hungry?" Carmen asked, and of course, I nodded. Thinking they'd won, Eleazar smiled a little. As soon as my answer to that question had changed, I could see they were eased.

I was fed, and allowed to go upstairs to sleep. I had to wait, though. I couldn't pull this off more than once, so I had to wait until they didn't watch so closely. I had to become old news before that happened. I was still new to them. I'd become unimportant soon enough.

I waited. The entire second day and night. Doing all that was asked of me, which really wasn't much. Basic human needs and all that. I never spoke, though. Not a word. I was a little worried that that might have given me away, but it never did.

I wanted my family, and the cousins wouldn't cut it.

The third night I was there, the night Bella was going to finish changing, I lay trying to sleep. I hadn't taken the medication since I'd been there, so I really hadn't slept well at all. They were confident enough that I wouldn't attempt anything, so I finally decided then was when I would attempt it.

It was dark outside, so I'd have to be careful. Opening the window, I was perfectly aware that I was on the second floor. The roof sloped, though, and I could survive a drop from the edge of it into the soft snow below. I put on my coat and shoes as quietly as I could, and climbed out. The fact that I'd gotten this far told me I would get away with this.

I slid down the roof without a problem. Nobody came to yell at me, nobody noticed. I hung off the side for a few seconds, before letting go and falling into the snow piled beside the house. I bit my lip around a yelp, instantly shivering at how cold it was.

How hard could it be, I thought, finding my way back home? Even at night.

I made my way around the side of the house, and toward the back of the house. Back where Carlisle and I had arrived, and continued on. My toes were already frozen, the snow finding a way to melt in my shoes. This was easily the coldest weather I'd ever felt, and was wondering strongly if this was a smart idea. Was I stubborn enough to survive?

I entered the trees before I paused, looking back at the warmly lit house behind me. Considering going back, but easily talking myself out of it. I wanted to go home. Nobody was listening to me.

I shivered hard as I walked, trying to warm myself up. It really wasn't long before I was positive I was lost. The night around me providing no comfort. Only a very freezing cold breeze that stole my breath and had my whole body shaking violently. Each bit of my skin that was exposed to the cold screamed in pain, and even the bits that weren't exposed to the cold did as well. My breath froze in my chest, and I felt like I was being squeezed.

Snow also fell around me, as it hadn't stopped since I'd gotten here. Making it even harder to see anything in the trees around me. Like a filter, despite the darkness. Each time I looked around, I had to squint, and that didn't help any either. The freezing breeze seemed to pass right through my coat, making it useless.

I hadn't been prepared for this.

I started to cry after enough pain, looking around me in the dark. I couldn't see the light of the house anymore, so I couldn't use that as a guide. There was nothing. No right direction. There was just as much snow in the trees as out in the open, I realized, and I started to really regret this decision.

I tried to go back in the direction I came, but I began to doubt. Was that really the right direction? Even with my footprints in the snow, I was confused. My mind was in a panic, as if telling me I wasn't going to live very long, and that scared me. My cheeks were frozen, cold to the point of numbing pain. I never thought that combination was possible, but it was. It really was.

"Are you ready to go back yet?" I jumped, yelping at Eleazar's voice behind me. I'd never been so happy to see him, "I'm sure you have to be cold." I cried a little harder and nodded.

He stepped forward, shaking his head in disappointment. He lifted me easily, and it took hardly any time before he was letting me to my feet inside the house. I instantly moved forward, and crouched on my knees in front of the fireplace, desperate to be warm again. He took my coat from me, which helped warm me up.

"Is it safe to assume you won't be trying that again?" He asked, and I nodded quickly, "I'm glad. Leandra, something you need to understand is that this isn't like where you live. There are many ways out of the house, and I'm not surprised you found one, but once you're outside, nature here is very unforgiving. You would certainly have died within the hour."

I got that now.

"L-Lesson learned." I mumbled, speaking to him for the first time since being here. He nodded, not making a big deal out of it.

"Warm up, and go ahead on back to bed." He told me, "The others are out hunting, and they'll be back by morning."

I wasn't stupid enough to try that again. I was too happy to be back in bed, and warm. I cried, though. Looking out the window over the open snow. Once again, realizing how isolated I was. I was lonely, and desperately homesick. All I wanted was to stay home. All I wanted was to go home, and stay there. That was obviously too much to ask for.

I wanted to go home, but I couldn't. I just didn't understand why a baby could stay when I couldn't. Was Renesmee easier to protect than I was? I could see how that would be. I was more stubborn than some baby. I didn't listen a lot of the time, and it was harder to get me to stay somewhere.

Just like every other time I fell asleep without taking my medication, I dreamed. I thought for sure I'd learned my lesson about not taking the medication, but apparently not.

I was seven years old in this dream or memory, my hope so very close to being shattered. I was so close to giving up. I sat there on my bed, staring up through my bedroom window. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, because I knew I'd never find anything more than the yard and clouds. I just sat there, watching the clouds move and shift so they could drop more rain against the house.

I was seven years old, and I was much too young to really understand why I was where I was. I was at the age that I really began to question. Everything. Why I couldn't be loved like the kids at school was. Why I couldn't go one day without the pain. Why I couldn't go one day without being blamed. Why I had to be blamed, and hated, and yelled at. Beaten. I couldn't understand what I'd done so wrong to deserve a life like I had.

Just like many nights before that, I sat there, wishing I could at least understand why I lived the way I did. I wasn't asking for some miracle, not anymore. I wasn't asking for a pony, or some stupid toy I saw on TV. I wasn't asking for much. All I wanted, was to just know. All I wanted were answers. For someone to explain to me what I did wrong, so I could start apologizing for that, instead of everything else I was blamed for but never did.

In this memory, I never turned. I didn't look back when the door opened behind me. I closed my eyes briefly, knowing he was going to be so mad that I was still awake. As my eyes closed for that short amount of time, tears I so often cried fell, scattering gently down my cheeks in shame, and in dread. I listened to him step into the room, closing the door behind himself. Closing off the light of the hallway, and all the hope I had for a decent night behind it.

Just as his hand closed on my shoulder, turning me around, I started to fight at a hand over my forehead. I kicked, shoving the hand away as hard as I could and scooting back into an upright ball before I opened my eyes. Meeting Tanya's eyes as she sat there, lowering her hand.

"I was just checking." She told me, "It's alright."

I cried, really cried for at least ten minutes. It was morning now, passed early morning. Ten-thirty was when I woke up, but it was nearly eleven before I was able to calm down.

"Carlisle called." Tanya informed me almost hesitantly, and I looked up, "Bella finished changing this morning, and she's out on her first hunt." I sniffled, nodding. I didn't care about her progress.

"Leandra, you don't need to be so guarded." Tanya continued, "You're just as safe here as you are at home. I promise you that."

"It's not that." I mumbled, gaining her attention, "I know I'm safe here."

"Then what is it?" She asked.

"It's not about feeling safe anymore." I admitted, giving her an apologetic look, "I just miss home. I worked hard to find a place there."

"You still have your place there." She assured me, "That hasn't changed. You always will have your place there. Leandra, Carlisle and Esme don't just go around adopting humans. They've never adopted a human before. Not in their entire existance. You're the first, and you're the only. They see something in you that must have told them that you're theirs. That's the only way I can explain it." I looked down, "Just because Bella is changing now doesn't mean you won't get your chance someday." I frowned a little.

She didn't know anything about Renesmee. They didn't know anything about what all went on at home the last month or so. After realizing that, I decided it was probably best to keep my mouth shut about it.

"I just feel left out." I admitted, feeling stupid just admitting that.

"They obviously care for you a great deal, Leandra. I know for a fact that they do. Never doubt that. " She told me, "And bringing you here says a lot about their trust in us." I didn't reply, so she continued.

"All they want to do is be one hundred percent certain that it's safe for you before taking you home. Leandra, if you only understood how hard it is to resist your scent, you'd understand why Carlisle wants to be so careful. Bella's senses will take some time for her to get used to, and she doesn't have the practice it takes to resist yet. She'll get the hang of it soon enough, and you'll go home. Carlisle just wants to give her time to practice self-control before attempting to bring you home. Until then, our job is to keep you alive, so please. Don't go outside alone at night again."

Nodding, I sighed.

"You should feel lucky that Eleazar was paying attention." She said, "Stay in bed. Your fever is hanging around, and I wouldn't be surprised if it goes up after last night."

"No promises." I wasn't joking now. I felt so hideously miserable, I doubted anything here would make me feel any better. Nothing would.

"So tell me." She said, "What is this medication for?" I looked down, "Carlisle never said. Only that it was important."

"I think too much." I replied quietly, "And it helps me sleep without the nightmares."

"I see." She nodded, "I'm sorry I haven't insisted more."

"Don't be." I shrugged a little, "I'd rather not be forced to take it. The more you insisted, the less likely I was to take it. Trust me. I'm pretty stubborn."

"That, he did mention." She agreed, "Along with your temper?"

"Yeah." I sighed, "The less I sleep, and the more I think, the more emotion I feel, and that's sometimes too much. It's hard to explain." I paused, "Long story short, I yell. A lot."

"I think I understand." She assured me, "Everyone has moments like that. And you say you're not like that while you're taking the medication?"

"Not at all." I mumbled, "Without it, my head just gets so crowded, I get overwhelmed really easily. So many thoughts get going at once, and after awhile of that, it's hard to think. I get nervous, and I yell. I say things I really don't mean, and I'm worried one day they won't forgive me for it." I really hadn't meant to admit that much. Suddenly embarrassed, I looked back down.

"Family is family." Was her quiet response, "I don't think you quite understand what that means. We all have our stupid moments. We all do and say things we regret. That hasn't been anything new since the dawn of time. Families fight. They argue, and they bicker. They shout, and sometimes, they hurt each other's feelings. There are moments when they just drive you up the wall, and everything about them bothers the living hell out of you, but.." She paused, "That unconditional love is always there." I'd never thought of it like this before.

She smiled a little, "When you find someone, or a group of people who accept you at your very worst, who are there for you when you need them most, who would lay down their very lives to keep you safe and protect you, that's when you know what family is." I looked back up, "And Leandra, you've found it."

I blinked a little in surprise, and she laughed.

"You've found it, and it's not going anywhere. You're here to stay, and we're not going anywhere anytime soon. You best get used to it, honey, because it's how it's going to be for the rest of your existence." She reached forward gently and tucked my hair behind my ear, "We protect each other. Always. We always stand by each other. The moment Carlisle agreed to take you in, you became a part of that. Now, you can continue to doubt that for as long as you live, but we'll never stop proving it." I smiled again, shaking my head a little. I didn't know what to say.

It was quiet for a moment as I took that in.

"I won't tell Carlisle about what happened last night." She said, "Nothing happened, and you made it back safely, so I see no reason to. Just.. Stay in bed. Get some rest, for goodness sake, and I'll bring you something to eat." I nodded, laughing a little.

I watched her stand, and leave the room. Sighing a little, I climbed out of bed and went to the bright window. I really hadn't been here that long, but the entire time I'd been there, the sky had been overcast. The thick clouds spitting more snow over the area, but now, those clouds were gone. The bright sun reflecting on the snow hurt my eyes, but I didn't want to look away. There wasn't a cloud to be seen anymore, just blue sky in every direction I could see.

A knock at the door had me glance behind me, spotting Carmen now. I looked back out the window, letting her come in. I didn't know why suddenly I was such a source of fascination again. I just wanted to be left alone.

"I want to go out there." I mumbled, "Not far. Just out in the yard."

"Maybe this afternoon." She said, "It's still too cold out there for you yet." I nodded, letting her know I understood. I was slowly beginning to trust them, and in doing so, I became a lot more manageable. I still wanted desperately to go home, but my behavior had completely turned around, and it was obvious. It wasn't quite defeat, but a calmer sort of cautious curiosity that had me quiet and settle down. Instead of the defensive little animal side, they saw my calm side. Which was a lot, considering I still hadn't taken my medication, and I was really beginning to feel the effects of that. It wasn't as hard for me to concentrate anymore, but it was still a lot.

"Leandra." Carmen spoke, "I understand. I know how much your family means to you, and I know how hard this is on you. Carlisle brought you here for a reason. He just wanted you to feel protected. In a way you wouldn't feel with your human friends and family."

"Bringing him up all the time doesn't make this any easier." I sighed, "I get his reasons. I always have. It doesn't matter to me where he decided to drop me off. All that matters is that he did at all."

"I know." She replied, "I know. Believe me. Leandra, I didn't have the happiest childhood in the world." I finally looked back at her seated on the side of the bed, "Believe me, I've been where you are, honey. Maybe not specifically where you are, but I can imagine. I really can imagine where you are, and I can tell you that it does get easier."

"I doubt it." I finally said, looking back out the window. I didn't like where this was headed, and I really wished she wouldn't go there.

"You're confused right now." She said, "You're confused, and you're angry. You don't fully understand what you've been through yet, but you're starting to get an idea." I didn't like her doing this. This was harder than when Jasper explained my emotions. This seemed more personal.

"You're just now beginning to understand the weight you carry, and it's heavy." She continued, "I know it's unbearably heavy, but I can promise you that it does get easier."

"I'd rather not talk about it." I mumbled. I was defensive for reasons I really couldn't explain. It hit too close to home. Her words had too much truth in them.

"It's heavier than you ever imagined. Honey, I know." She stood, and I couldn't understand the glare I gave the snow outside, "You're hurt. You're mad. So unbelievably angry, and that hurts you even more. You hate. That's a given, but please don't lose hope. As you get older-"

"I said I'd rather not talk about it." I repeated, still refusing to look at her.

"As you get older," She continued, "Your view of the world and of the situation will change. You will understand so much more than you do now, and that will help you. Right now, your mind is changing. You're growing older, and you understand more than you did before. Your emotions will even out, I promise that, and once that is uncovering your eyes, you will look back-"

"Stop." I said, "I don't need false hope."

"I'm not trying to give you false hope. You will make it. I know you will. You will see everything in a way you don't now. It becomes a weight easier to bear, and you will see just how strong of a survivor you really are."

"Why are you pushing this?"

"Because I know." She replied, "I know where you are. It's dark, and it's painful, but where you're headed, it's so much brighter. The clouds will clear, and you'll see that right now, the past and everything you've been through was just a part of your life that you can grow from and move on. All you need is time."

"New subject." I finally looked back at her, "I'm done with this one."

"I understand your defense, but it's not needed."

"Stop it." I shook my head, "I've already accepted that I'm unfixable. I'm broken, and nothing can put me back together."

"But you're not." She laughed, a pleading look in her eyes, "You're not broken. Can't you see that? You're not broken, or unfixable. You're beautiful, and you're strong. You're good. You're you, and there's nothing better than that."

My manageablity just went out the window. Who was she to tell me what I was? Who was she to tell me that she knew me better than I knew myself? She had no grounds to pretend that she understood what I lived with, and it angered me that she thought she did.

"You're strong. The strongest human I've ever known, and I hope everyday you hold onto that, Leandra."

"I'm only as strong as I have to be." I snapped, "Nothing more. New subject!"

She sighed, "This isn't going at all like I thought it would."

"No shit!"

"Okay." She said calmly, "Okay. I'll leave you be now. I've said all I need to say." And here I was, defensive again. Before she could leave, I headed for the door. However, before I could leave, Eleazar stood there and I stumbled into him. He steadied me as he sighed.

"Calm yourself." He told me, "She meant no harm by this conversation, and you know it."

"I don't care." I snapped, "I wanted her to change the subject, and she never did."

"Life is about hearing things you don't want to hear, Leandra. That's just how it goes. She meant you no harm by it, yet you're acting like she had." Eleazar pointed out, "Now, calm yourself."

"I don't have to hear anything I don't want to." I corrected sharply, "I don't have to say anything I don't want to, I don't have to see anything I don't want to. I don't have to do anything I don't want to, and I sure as hell don't have to calm down when I don't want to." I shoved passed him, and he caught my arm.

"Where are you going?" He asked, and I yanked my arm from his hand.

"Anywhere but here." I answered, "Come find me when you're done throwing everything into my face."

I continued on downstairs, listening to his sigh back in the hallway. Kate and Irina were on their feet when I headed for the front door.

"Leandra, don't go-"

"Let her, Kate." Eleazar and Carmen now descended the stairs, "Let her cool off. She'll come back in when she gets cold enough."

I knew better than to go any further than the house. I really didn't want to get lost, so I chose to sit in one of the patio chairs looking out over the open backyard and across the snow to the trees. I wanted so bad to go home. My family knew which subjects to avoid. They didn't. I knew she meant no harm, but she knew how much it bothered me. That had to count for something.

I wouldn't go back inside on my own. They'd have to come out and get me. The stupid part of it all, was that they let me out without a coat or shoes. I was still in my pajamas. I was determined this time, so I ignored my shivers. I ignored my teeth chattering, drawing my legs up to try to warm up a little. I would wait them out. I had to be more stubborn than them. There had to be one part of my life I could control. I wouldn't give in.

I don't know how I made it the first hour, but the second one was easier to bear, as I was already so numb I could hardly feel my toes.

I looked over as the door opened beside me, and Tanya stepped out with me.

"Are you coming inside any time soon?" She asked, and I looked forward again, "Boy, you sure know how to stay mad, don't you?"

"I don't like being told what to do."

"Clearly."

"And I don't like people assuming they know me."

"Understood." She nodded a little, "But you have to see it from our point of view. You're a child. When children are allowed to have their way all the time, this is the result. No offense intended, but you're quite spoiled."

"I'm not spoiled." I snapped back at her.

"I'll be discussing it with Carlisle, but think about it." She sat beside me, "When things don't go your way, what happens? You run. You run, and you close yourself off. Nobody can say or do anything to correct you, because everybody in the world is wrong but you. Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"I'm not spoiled." I insisted again.

"I'm worried that Carlisle and Esme haven't been firm enough with you." She admitted, "They've let you get away with too much."

"It's not like that." I snapped again, "They get me more than you ever will." I stood up, and stormed inside, involuntarily shivering and sighing at how warm it was. If she thought this was a good way to calm me down, she was mistaken.

"Carlisle did mention that you weren't like other children." Tanya followed me, "Leandra, please just try to listen to me. I'm aware that you're different, but if you'd just stop for a second-"

"You stop!" I finally screamed, rounding to look at her.

"Every child needs a firm hand to correct them." She continued quickly, "Different or not. They're too easy on you."

"No, they're not!" I was now even more defensive. She was telling me that Carlisle and Esme weren't good parents. That hit way too close to home for my comfort level.

"Shouting won't solve everything, Leandra."

"It's a good start!" I shouted, "Carlisle and Esme know me better than my own parents ever did! Just because they don't yell at me or hit me doesn't mean they're too soft on me."

"Leandra-"

"I'm not fucking done!" That shocked her. Not expecting that word to leave my mouth, she was stunned for a moment, "They're all I could ever have asked for! They're all I have! They get me in a way that nobody else has ever bothered to before, and if you _ever_ tell me otherwise, I _will_ hit you! I don't give a shit if it hurts me or not, but I will do my damnedest to defend them!" I had to pause for a breath, "They do the best they can with what they have, and they know for a fucking fact that hitting me won't solve a goddamned thing. Talk to Carlisle all you want, but that won't change a goddamned thing either. That is a motherfucking _promise_!"

I spun, heading for the stairs. I was done. I was done here, and I needed to go home. The others, having witnessed my anger, moved aside as I passed them. I didn't give them a second glance on my way up the stairs, and they didn't try to stop me.

I wasn't bothered at all the entire rest of the day, or all night after I finally fell asleep again. Unfortunately, I dreamed.

This time was much different.

Part of me was aware I was sleeping. Part of my mind knew this wasn't real, but there was such a realistic quality of it that I couldn't place. Something so real, I had trouble distinguishing between reality and this dream.

It was a little like the vision I had, in its realistic quality, but this was something different. This was something I couldn't face.

Literally.

I actually had no idea what it was that I dreamed about, my mind completely blank when I'd look back, but given the way I screamed, it was nothing good. I woke myself up with the sound, sobbing hard enough to take my breath. Flinging upright in the bed, a cold sweat stinging my skin painfully, and my eyes refusing to open. I didn't have time to take a breath before the door was open, the light was on, and Tanya came to the side of the bed.

I was sobbing desperately when I could take a breath. So much pain rolled through me. Physically and emotionally, I couldn't calm down. I couldn't tell if it was the sobbing that made my head ache unbearably, or if it was something else, but I knew for a fact that crying this hard wasn't helping it any.

"Leandra, talk to me." Tanya was worried. To be honest, so was I. I was very afraid. Terrified for reasons I couldn't even remember. I was trembling, shaking as if I was continuously being electrocuted. I couldn't stop.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked at the door, watching.

I could only say one word, and this was purely because the ones around me wouldn't ever be able to calm me down. I said something, one word to express what I wanted most in the world. Something I wanted more than I needed to take my next breath, as much as my lungs ached for it.

"Carlisle."

Tanya looked back at Eleazar beside Carmen in the doorway, sighing quietly. To my slight relief, Eleazar sighed also, but nodded. Turning from the room. I'd see him. He might not take me home yet, and I didn't dare get my hopes up, but I'd at least see him.

He didn't take long to get there, and as soon as I saw him, my sobs restarted. He came into the room, and sat beside me on the bed. Allowing me to hug tight to him, squeezing my eyes shut. My head pounded violently, and it wasn't easing.

"I don't know what happened." Tanya had followed him in, "She just woke up like this, and requested to see you."

"Has she been taking her medication?" He asked, and Tanya replied with a shake of her head.

"No." She spoke anyway, "She's refused."

He sighed, looking to me. I couldn't explain. I didn't even try. I sat there, listening to Tanya fill him in. I knew he'd be disappointed in me, but I didn't care. She left out the part about me leaving that night, like she'd promised. I just knew he'd be so mad, but I didn't care. If a nightmare was what it took to get him back here, then I'd take it.

Then Carlisle said something that completely took me off guard.

"I'm taking you home."

**A/N: That didn't go well. Not at all.  
THANK YOU to my reviewers! Along with the mysterious guest that has made an appearance lately. ;)  
I'm aware that this is filler, but I liked how it came out. I hope you enjoyed it as well. I apologize if this seems rushed. I didn't have a lot of time to put this together. I wanted to get it out before life got more busy.  
Chapter Eighteen will move us on. I know this is taking longer than the last story, but I'm actually giving more insight to her which the previous version lacked. I know a lot of you don't mind. (:  
Until next chapter, guys. (:**


	18. Chapter 18

**CAUTION! Mention of fictional suicide in this chapter. Please be on the look out for that if you're sensitive to such mentions.  
ALSO! As you've probably noticed, this chapter is VERY long. My suggestion would be to give yourself adequate time to read.  
That is all. Onward.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

"Carlisle," Tanya was surprised, "Are you sure? I have to disagree."

"Gather your things, Leandra." He told me calmly, and I nodded, sniffling as I climbed off the bed. He stood up behind me, and looked to Tanya.

"It really isn't anything personal, Tanya." Carlisle murmured, "I'd just really rather her be home."

"Do you not remember what we spoke about on the phone?" Eleazar came in, and I paused with a shirt in my hands. Looking back at Carlisle.

"I remember perfectly, Eleazar." He replied, "But hers is a case I have to consider carefully. There are still things about her that you don't understand."

"I don't need to understand everything to know that taking her now would only give her the wrong message." Eleazar argued, "Not to mention the fact that Bella is there. Are you really willing to risk her life for a bit of your own comfort? You know the risks as well as I do, Carlisle."

"It's not about my comfort." Though they argued, they kept their tone quiet. Civil. It was fascinating to watch, "It's not. If it were about my own comfort, I'd choose to keep her here."

"That doesn't solve the issue about giving her the wrong message." Eleazar shook his head.

"What message would that be?" Carlisle asked calmly in return.

"That all it takes is a well timed tantrum, and she can get her way every time." Eleazar answered, "Believe me, Carlisle. I understand that it can't be easy trying to do right by her, but this is not the way to do so. All you're doing is reenforcing her behavior. She needs guidance, not a friend."

"I'm perfectly aware of what she needs, Eleazar." Carlisle replied, giving him a polite smile, "She needs her family, and keeping her away is only doing her more harm than good at this point." He looked to me again, "Go ahead, Leandra."

I nodded, continuing on.

"I still don't understand how a simple nightmare could gain this result, Carlisle." Tanya's voice was quiet. Heavily curious.

"I'm afraid it was more than that." He answered, "Come on downstairs. I'll fill you in the best I can while she finishes." I knew this time he would wait for me to finish grabbing my stuff. He told me he was taking me home, and I trusted his word, so I let him leave the room without a fuss.

I took my time, letting him have his time to explain. Despite how I wanted to rush. The sooner I got this done, the sooner I could go home. Eventually, I couldn't wait anymore, and threw everything left into the bag. Fighting the zipper closed, I quickly descended the stairs. Relieved to find him still there. My bag was pretty heavy, but I managed to lift it.

I was fully aware that I was too old to need a dad, but I didn't care about that right then. I was too relieved to be going home, that I didn't mind in the least to have Carlisle lift me and hold me easily in one arm. My bag easily in his other hand.

"It really would have been easier had you told us the full story sooner, Carlisle." Eleazar spoke as if I hadn't interrupted, "At very least, so we could have insisted more than we did to have her keep taking her medication. I had no idea it was so crucial."

"I'm sorry." Carlisle replied, "I really did think she'd be far more cooperative." He looked to me, and I looked to him, "I should have known better. She's difficult, but once you get to know her behaviors, it's fairly simple to get her to cooperate with you." He looked to them again, "It's more of gaining her trust, really. I apologize that you haven't had the chance to do that yet."

"She's far more cooperative now." Kate pointed out, "I've never seen that much anger in such a little human." She stepped forward, smiling a little. Probably to let me know that at least she wasn't upset with me, "Hopefully next time we see you, it'll be on better terms, Leandra."

"Please keep us informed." Eleazar requested, "I'll admit, I've grown fond of her."

"Of course." Carlisle agreed, and after a brief goodbye to the others, I hid my face in his shoulder as he stepped outside. I instantly shivered as the cold of the night bit into my skin. I knew it wouldn't take him long to get us home, so I didn't insist on zipping up my coat. It hurt though, and I whimpered. Painfully aware that we were moving by the breeze around me.

He wasted no time in getting me inside, as I still shivered roughly.

"Shorty!" Emmett was obviously very happy to see me, as he stole me from Carlisle, and hugged me tightly. I couldn't help the quiet laugh I gave, grunting at how tight he hugged me.

I sensed somehow that things were already different. The living room carpet had been completely cleaned, not a hint of any blood left. Also given Emmett's behavior, just like he always used to be, he was carefree again.

"Go easy on her, Emmett." Carlisle spoke, "She's had a rough night." Emmett pulled me back and looked at me, his grin slowly fading.

"You look horrible." He pointed out, and I looked down.

"I feel horrible." I replied quietly.

"You stopped taking the meds, didn't you?" He asked, and I glanced up at him, not bothering to answer. He sighed, "Shorty, you know how important it is that you take it."

"I know." I mumbled, falling gently to my feet once he let me down, "I didn't want to take it for them, though."

"You're really stubborn." He said, watching as I sat on the ledge beside the fireplace. I pulled my coat off, wincing at the heat that instantly surrounded me.

"I'm not denying that."

"Leandra." Carlisle spoke, and I looked to him, "What did you dream about?"

"I don't know." I mumbled, looking back into the fireplace, "I can't remember."

"Tanya told me that the reaction you had was fairly large." He prompted, "And you can't remember anything about it?"

"Not a thing." I answered, "Whatever it was, it scared me. A lot. I've never been that scared. Not in my entire life." A stunned silence surrounded me, "I can't even remember what happened in it, but I know for sure that it wasn't a memory. Whatever it was, it was too big for me to see. I don't even know if that makes sense." I sighed, closing my tired eyes briefly. I was exhausted. Completely worn out.

"My head hurts." I admitted quietly, "I can't try to remember anymore."

"That's alright." Carlisle told me, "But you said-"

"I've never been that scared." I answered before he could get back to it, "Never. Not when I was a kid, not anytime recently. Never. I can still feel it, how scared I was."

"So can I." Jasper's voice was a welcome one, and I looked back at him. It told me that he was there, helping me through this. I glanced over, giving him a small, tired smile. Alice beside him returned it.

"Okay." Carlisle spoke up again, "Tomorrow will be a little risky. Leandra, I need your full cooperation." I frowned a little in confusion, until I realized.

"Bella?" I asked anyway.

"Yes." He said, "Tonight, she and Edward aren't here. She managed to resist human blood, and showed remarkable restraint this morning, but I don't want to push it."

"Don't worry about me." I said, "I'll listen. I'll do anything to get away with not having to be sent away again."

"Leandra." I looked up again at Esme's voice, smiling tiredly once again. I climbed to my feet, and headed forward to hug her. I ignored Rosalie beside her. More of ignoring the baby in her arms. I glanced to her, but otherwise ignored her. I was watched. I knew I was watched, but I really didn't feel like accepting Renesmee. I really didn't want to like her. As far as I was concerned, she was still the reason behind my life falling to pieces.

Nobody insisted I take the medication after the conversation I had with them about my dream. How scared I was when I woke up, but how I couldn't remember a thing about it. It was nothing but blackness, but that blackness scared me, because I knew there was something in it that I really didn't want to see.

I lay curled on the couch, staring into the flames inside the fireplace, realizing that there was no other place I'd rather be. I didn't feel like going to bed. I just wanted to stay here. My eyes closed, and I drifted off.

I woke a little while later. I knew I hadn't been asleep very long, even seconds after just waking up, and I wasn't sure what woke me up. I barely opened my eyes enough to realize two things. Alice and Jasper stood near me, nearer than usual, and it was just before dawn. Night had faded, and outside was just beginning to lighten.

I hadn't dreamed this time, I realized. A large yawn overtaking me, I stretched roughly on the couch. Esme stood up from her chair, turning to look to the stairs.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, forcing myself to sit up.

"Just stay still." Jasper instructed me, "Try not to move."

Before I could ask what he meant, I spotted Edward leading Bella into the room. True to my word, I did exactly as I was told. Sitting as still as I could possibly sit, my eyes on Bella's new appearance. I got to see first hand what being turned did to someone's appearance. It was both amazing and frightening at the same time.

Her eyes met mine, and though I wanted to move away from the bright crimson of them, all I could do was briefly avert my gaze, and eventually look back up. She attempted a small smile, but I could easily see how tense just being here made her. Edward held her hand in his, rubbing her arm supportively.

I watched as Bella took a careful breath, and though she hid it pretty well, I still saw the wince the action caused her to make. It wasn't her fault, and she was trying, but it was still tense. Edward must have done or said something to gain her attention, because she looked to him and nodded.

Together, they continued on. After they left the room, I finally let out the breath I'd held.

"How amazing was that?" Alice asked, smiling to Esme, "She did so well."

"They both did." Esme smiled, looking to me.

I laid back with a sigh, closing my still tired eyes. That had been enough excitement for one day. Resisting the urge to get as far away from her as possible was difficult. I knew it was Bella, but seeing her that way scared me. Mostly her eyes. The deep crimson color of them told me to be afraid. Even if she'd never actually tasted human blood, according to Carlisle.

Also knowing that someday, I would make that drastic change set my heart sprinting. Would I turn out as beautiful as she was? More importantly, would they even _want_ me? I thought for sure I'd gotten passed that question a long time ago, but seeing Bella like that made it more real to me. It had always been a distant thought, a fleeting expectation, but now I saw first hand what being turned meant.

I fell right back to sleep there on the couch. Amazingly.

I opened my eyes briefly to being lifted, looking to Alice. She gave me a small smile, and I let her carry me to my room. I knew they were being careful, so I didn't give a complaint about having to sleep in my room. I was too tired to give much of a fight anyway. As soon as I curled into my blanket, I fell right back to sleep.

I woke a bit later to my bedroom door opening.

"Up you get, shorty." It was Emmett, "Charlie is on his way over, and we need you to vacate for a bit. Don't want to overwhelm little Bella, do we?" I nodded, yawning deeply as I sat up. I was fortunate enough to be allowed to get dressed before following Emmett out the back door. I glanced back as Jasper followed us out as well.

"So.." Emmett wanted to make conversation, "You made quite the impression."

"I tend to do that." I muttered sleepily, cuddling further into my jacket, "How did I do it this time?"

"With the cousins?" He prompted and I nodded a little, "Word has it, that apparently, they think that you're a lovable handful."

"I don't like being herded." I sighed, and he smirked.

"Really, shorty." Emmett chuckled, "Their side of the story was pretty amusing to hear." I rolled my eyes a little, "Only because I remember what it was like to see that side of you."

"Don't tell me I'm more fun when I'm that way." I glanced up at him.

"You are more fun when you're that way." He said, "Shorty, I know we've been pretty preoccupied lately, and I'm sorry for that."

"It's not your fault." I paused for a left over yawn, "Shit happens. It's okay."

"No it's not." He stopped walking, all hint of joking gone, "We've left you way too alone for way too long. It's not fair to you. Then having to send you away like that, I'm not surprised you weren't the easiest to babysit."

"As long as that doesn't happen again, I'll be fine." I said, "I could really do without being sent there again."

"They meant well." Emmett reasoned, watching as I looked up at him.

"I know." I replied honestly, "I know they did, and it wasn't their fault, but.. I didn't want to be there. I'm not spoiled. I just know what I want, and I know the way to get results. I don't think that's such a horrible thing."

"Definitely not." Jasper finally spoke up and I looked to him.

"I didn't think so." I commented, "I wanted to be here. Not there. That's not their fault, but they made it their problem when they chose not to just drop me on the floor and forget me for a little while."

"You mean when they didn't just let you come to them?" Emmett asked, trying to understand. I nodded.

"I would have done better if I'd had a chance to get used to being there on my own. Instead of being watched so closely right from the start." I explained, "They probably didn't even notice the way I changed when they stopped doing that for a little while." I sighed, deciding to explain.

"Carlisle had told them about my escaping habits. And they made sure I didn't do that. Right from the start, I was watched. I had an hour to myself. After that, they came and herded me downstairs." I grumbled, "Something Eleazar said made me determined to get away. But almost freezing to death didn't help me any."

"What?" Emmett asked, surprised. I realized that I'd said too much. I cursed myself silently, trying to figure out a way to fix it.

"I learned my lesson." I muttered defensively, continuing on with my walk, "It wasn't a big deal. Eleazar found me before I could."

"You were outside in the snow?" Jasper asked, just as shocked as Emmett was.

"I was trying to find my way back home, and Eleazar thought that it was best that he let me sneak out." I sighed, looking down at my feet as I walked, "I was pretty scared and half frozen by the time he decided to take me back. I didn't try to sneak out again."

"So.." Emmett grumbled, "He let you out, let you wander through the snow, at night, just to teach you some sort of lesson?"

"Pretty much. Yeah." I replied quietly.

"Well, that's news to me." Emmett growled, and I looked up at him.

"It worked." I told him, "I stayed inside, or at least right by the house, from that point on. It's no big deal."

"It's definitely a big deal." Jasper spoke this time, "Carlisle has no idea that happened. None of them mentioned it."

"It's alright." I mumbled, shrugging a little, "I lived." I didn't miss the look passing between them. Jasper on my left, Emmett on my right. It was quiet for a minute. I liked being able to walk slowly. I didn't mind the company, either. I would have preferred to stick by Carlisle's side, but I didn't mind Jasper and Emmett.

Thankfully, it wasn't raining. It was almost warm, but not quite as warm as I'd have liked. I knew my fever hadn't gone anywhere, but at least my cough had lessened a bit. I knew it'd be back, though. If my fever was persisting, it only meant I was still sick. It was hard to believe it'd only been about a week since that night with Ken.

Involuntarily, I shivered. Remembering that night clearly, and as if on cue, I coughed. So much for it being gone, I thought to myself.

We continued on. I kept my eyes on the ground, watching each step I took carefully. It wasn't that I was worried about falling, but it was more calming.

"Leandra, are you depressed again?" Jasper asked, and I found it odd that he had to ask. I looked up at him, frowning a little.

"No." I replied, "Why?"

"You're acting differently." He pointed out, "More different than I ever remember."

"I'm sorry." I found myself saying. I didn't know what else to say.

"Don't be." He replied, "It's not your fault."

"I guess I'm still just trying to figure all of this out." I muttered, looking back down, "It's still pretty confusing."

"About the visions?" Jasper asked, "I wouldn't worry too much about that. You'll get it when you're ready to."

"Not just about that." I mumbled, shrugging as I looking up at him, "It's everything. It's.. The way everything just changed so quickly. My head is still spinning."

"Around here?" Emmett asked, "Everything's going to be okay now, shorty."

"Not just around here." I replied, "Bella is fine, but she wasn't. For so long. Seeing her like that can't just be erased like that." I paused as I kicked a particularly big piece of gravel. Watching it bounce away from me, I gathered my thoughts. Trying to imagine how to word what I needed to say.

"It's not just around here that's changed." I continued, "Everything. Everything has changed."

"What else has changed?" Emmett asked, frowning a little.

"Me." I pointed out quietly. I sighed, "I'd rather not get into it."

"If it's bothering you, you know you can talk to us." Emmett told me.

"It's kind of a long story." I warned, glancing up at him.

"It's a good thing we have plenty of time." He replied, smirking a little, "So come on. How have you changed?"

I sighed, shrugging. I honestly didn't know where to start. This was bound to be difficult to explain, but I suddenly wanted to try. I wanted to be a little easier to read. I wanted to be easier to understand. They were both silent, letting me gather my explanation.

"It's hard to explain. I've changed. I know I don't look any different, but.." I paused, "It's more like.. The way I see everything else that's changed. Everything is so different now. I can't think of one thing that has stayed the same."

They waited. Obviously for me to continue, so I did, "I can never look Josh and Zack in the eye again after what I did. Andrew probably hates me for disappearing again. I don't like the baby, and Bella wants to kill me. Telling Tanya off probably ensured they hate me too." That was just off the top of my head, but I found myself delving deeper. I wanted to confess more. I wanted to keep talking, as saying out loud was one way it was easier to sort through the confusing thoughts in my head.

"I was comfortable, and now I'm just lost." I continued, "I was comfortable. I was just getting the hang of things, and suddenly, nothing is the same anymore. I can't tell you how frustrating that is."

"I think I can imagine." Jasper murmured, "Leandra, not that much has changed around here."

"Plenty has." I disagreed, "I see things differently. I'm actually sleeping, aside from those stupid dreams. I can't even leave the house anymore without worrying. Even with the medication, I worry. I don't like being away from home, and that's something else. I'm clinging to you guys like I'll die any second I'm away. That's different, because I used to be able to just leave, and know I'll be alright. I used to be able to just leave, and be gone the entire day, but since that night with Ken, I can't stand it. That's why I wanted to come home so badly."

I knew I was rambling, but I needed to keep going, "I was actually considering talking about going back to school, but that's not happening now. There's no way. I follow Carlisle like a lost puppy, and I know that bothers him. I think about that night, and I think about the next morning, how the first thing I thought to do was call Carlisle, and I know I'm not ready to be on my own. Not without him, and not without any of you."

I decided to sum it up, "I'm a scaredy-cat now, I'm paranoid. I hate being alone, I hate leaving the house. I can't see my friends, I don't even know what I dream about, none of my clothes fit right anymore, and I just want it to stop!" I was actually deeply surprised by the tears that welled in my eyes. Trailing softly down my cheeks. I hadn't fully realized before I'd listed just how different everything actually was.

"Aw, shorty." Emmett murmured, pulling me into his side. Effectively stopping our walk, "I know things have been crazy lately. It'll get better now. You'll see. Things will settle down, and you'll go back to recognizing yourself."

"I want to go back." I sobbed, closing my eyes, "Back when it already was better. I wish I could just go back to when everything was fine. Before that shit in Seattle, before Victoria. When I first came here." I took a moment, letting Emmett lift me like I hadn't grown at all. It really did make me feel better to hug his neck, but I had to continue.

"Back before I started to change so much. Before Ken. Before Jack's last night. Back before being sent to Tacoma. Or even before I met Josh or Zack. Before I met Andrew. Before Keith and my mom. Before they died that night. Before their constant fighting. Back before you had to leave me."

I sobbed my heart out, realizing just how much this was hurting me. I knew the one reason they let me continue, and why Jasper let me cry, because it was something I needed. I had to get all of this out if I was going to get better.I was actually talking to them about how I really felt, and this was what Carlisle was wanting me to do. To stop being so strong.

"Before the trial. I want to go back to before everything started trying to kill me so often. Before I actually knew what it was like to have to fight to keep my life. Back when it was just.. S-So easy to just go along with stuff. Before I started to cause so many problems by insisting on doing things my way. Back before I knew what it was like to have a say in what happens to me, and before I knew what it was like to want things to go right."

Emmett held me securely. His saddened glance to Jasper only had me closing my eyes.

"I just want to go back to that. When it was easier. When I knew I could count on you all, and know I didn't have anything to worry about." I continued, unable to stop myself now if I tried. It just all poured out of me as quickly as my tears. Faster than I could stop. The more upset I got, the more I spoke, the tighter I held.

"Before, when I knew nothing could get to me as long as I was with you. I want that. I want to go back to believing that you could keep me from running into random chance. I can't go back to that, but I want to. S-So much." I took a breath, despair in my visible sobs, "I never knew before how much I'd change. If I knew before how much I'd change, how many problems I'd cause, how much trouble I'd get into, I would have.. I don't know. Just stopped. Just kept seeing things the same way. I'd never have let myself be so tough, and strong. I just want to go back to being weak, and I want to stay that way."

My voice quieted, as if I didn't want to hear my own voice anymore. As if what I was about to confess was so unbearably painful. It was. It really was.

"I want to go back. I want to go back to before I met you."

"What?" Emmett asked, surprised. It was clear that he hadn't been expecting that.

"What's going on?" I glanced back at Carlisle's voice. Esme trailed behind him, and they slowly came to our little group behind the house. I only continued to cry.

"What did you say, shorty?" Emmett asked, trying to meet my eyes. I avoided his gaze. I probably wouldn't be able to see him clearly anyway. It was impossible with the tears that flooded down my cheeks.

"I want to go back." I repeated, "To before I met you. Before the day Carlisle found me. I want to go back to that day, and just stay sitting down. Or stay home, and never have gone to school that day. I want that so, so much."

"Why would you want that?" Jasper asked, his voice carefully controlled. I knew they couldn't understand, and given Carlisle's concerned gaze, he didn't need to hear the rest of what I'd admitted to find my confession upsetting.

"Because." I sobbed, "Look at me!"

"I see you." Jasper replied, "I want to know why."

"I can't stand it." I cried pleadingly, "I hate it. I can never ask you, any of you to forgive me for the damage done. All the problems I've caused, all the headaches." I paused at Jasper's sigh, and the shake of his head, "I'm serious. I want to go back to before I met Carlisle, and never have told him anything. Who I am now isn't who I used to be. If I could just go back, and never have told Carlisle what was going on, I would have stayed." I took a shaky breath, "I would have stayed there, and never have changed so damn much and I wouldn't be hurting so much now over the way I've hurt you. I've hurt you, and nothing anyone says could ever change that. I hurt everyone I ever meet, and it's hurting me so much."

"Breathe, Leandra." Carlisle murmured, and I took another breath.

"No matter what I do, I can never fix it. Nothing can ever fix me, and I can never change." I cried, "I hurt everyone I ever meet, and if I could just go back to the day I met you, and insist just a little more that nothing was wrong.. If I could just go back, and decide not to grab your hand that day, and let you walk away, everything would be okay now. I'm sorry! I can't change it! I want to. Please believe me. I can never change it, and I can only say-"

"Leandra." Esme stepped forward, "Please. Calm down."

"Please forgive me." I cried, hopping down from Emmett's arms, "I want to go back to before I ruined your life. Please don't pretend that it's alright, because I know for a fact that it's not. You've dealt with so much more than you should have because of me."

"Where is all of this coming from?" Carlisle asked, kneeling down to be more on my level. I met his eyes pleadingly. Tears coating my cheeks, and more welling heavily in my eyes. I could hardly breathe now.

"I see now." I explained, "I've changed so much, and I can't unsee. What I've done, what I've caused.." My voice broke, and he reached forward, taking my hand like he had that day so long ago. The day he first found me.

"I think it'd be good for you to start the medication again." He told me quietly, "I can't stand to see you so upset."

"This is how I feel." I sobbed, shaking my head, "Even with the medication, Carlisle, I'll always feel this way. I'll always feel guilty over what I've put you through. I can't keep doing it. It's not fair to you, or everyone else. I can't change, but I can't keep causing these problems. I can't keep making you hide me, or give me away for my own safety."

"Leandra, I don't mind." He said, "I realize we've been preoccupied, but-"

"Things won't be okay." My voice was quiet, though it broke. Interrupted by sobs as I shook my head, "It's not over."

"What?" Jasper asked, hearing the change in my tone.

"It's not over." I cried, "I know it's not over. I don't feel any better now than I did a few nights ago. Nothing has changed, just because Bella has."

"You're just tired, shorty."

"Look at me!" I shouted, looking back at him, "I'm not just tired!" Before I could continue shouting, Carlisle pulled me to him in a hug. Catching me off guard, and calming the storm before it could begin, hugging me tightly. I couldn't help returning the hug as tight as I could, letting him lift me as Emmett had.

He didn't take me inside just yet, only standing there. Holding me as I cried. I couldn't continue now. I couldn't keep shouting. I could only say one phrase, sobbing into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I cried, "I'm sorry." My arms tight around his neck, shaking with the effort to hold onto him, because I knew I could never make up for all I'd done. I couldn't handle it. The guilt over hurting the ones I loved was so heavy, I couldn't win.

"Please forgive me." I cried into his shoulder, "Please. I'm so sorry, Carlisle. For everything I've ever done. I'm so sorry for ruining your life. I'm so sorry for ever being born, for breathing, for being alive."

"There is nothing to forgive, Leandra." He replied firmly, "It's alright. Just breathe."

Then is when he decided to take me inside. He nodded to Jasper, and turned, heading back for the house. Carrying me inside, and straight to my room. By the time he reached it, I was calm enough to release him. Unfortunately, along with the calm, came an overwhelming exhaustion that I couldn't fight. With the door closed, all sound in the house, however little there was, closed behind it. It was quiet enough for me to lay down, blink tiredly up at him as he sat with me, and quickly fall asleep.

The blackness was back this time. The terrifying scene that I dreamed about, but had no idea what it was. The resonating pain in my head was what woke me up this time, before I'd even realized I was awake. This time, when I woke up, Carlisle got to see first hand what Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar saw.

There was no dulling of the fear or pain because it was the second time seeing it. It was just as strong as before, and just as upsetting. If not more. I sat there, squeezing my eyes shut as I sobbed violently, and held my head between my hands. Trembling roughly, I felt Carlisle's eyes on me.

Whatever this was I dreamed about was physically hurting me again. This time it wasn't like the beating I'd gotten. This was all in my head. Just as much pain as the beating had caused me was all centered on my head now, and it was difficult to breathe, much less open my eyes.

I had more than just Carlisle watching me, and I knew it, but I couldn't see long enough to know who all it was. I couldn't focus my vision. It was too blurry, and it caused me too much pain. Among the cries and the sobs, I had to focus all I had on not throwing up in pain.

The blackness was all I was left with, aside from the emotions of it and the physical pain I was in. This hurt so much, I could barely stand it.

Eventually, Alice came and sat beside me. I felt the bed dip to my other side, and her hand gently pulled my left away from my head.

"It'll ease up." She told me gently, "Just breathe." I tried to follow her direction, but all I could take were shallow, violently shaking breaths. My heart was racing, and it was tough to slow it down. I was sitting there, in my own bed, panicking for reasons I didn't even understand. There was a reason. I knew there was a reason behind this reaction. I wasn't stupid, but that didn't change the fact that I still couldn't see anything. Each time I tried, it only hurt my head more.

"Ow.." I sobbed, like I had that night. Quieter though, hardly a deeply pained whimper.

"Stop trying." Alice told me, knowing exactly what was keeping me so upset, "Open your eyes."

"I can't." I whimpered, "It hurts too much."

"Focus on trying to open your eyes." She suggested, "Just focus on that, and not the pain. It'll ease." It was tough, almost impossible to do as she suggested, but I eventually managed to squint my eyes open, and she was right. The longer I went without trying to find what was behind the blackness, the less my head throbbed.

I looked over to Carlisle, who continued to sit there watching me. I had to say something. I had to tell him first, him specifically what the emotions of this dream told me. I leaned over hugging him. Though my cries had eased, and quieted, they were definitely still there.

"It's not alright." I cried quietly, hugging him tighter, "It's not."

"Breathe." He told me quietly.

"I've never been this scared, Carlisle." I squeezed my eyes shut, "It's just going to get worse. So much worse."

"I'll keep an eye out." Alice promised from the side, "Just calm down." I nodded, trying to take a deep breath. This was really wearing me down.

"Leandra, your fever has risen again." Carlisle pointed out after a moment, concerned, "I want you to stay in bed, and rest." I nodded in agreement, resting my eyes.

I was given the strongest antibiotics he had on hand, and a fever reducer. I even agreed to take my medication again. Just for some sort of rest.

The next few days were filled with fighting my fever, resisting the return of my cough, and trying to rest. Even with the medication, the dream still made it through. Now and then, probably not as often as it would have if I'd not taken the medication, but even now and then was starting to become too much. This dream still managed to mess with my sleep, and with my cough back, it was hard enough to breathe normally. Getting upset only made it worse, and much harder to breathe around my sobs.

My fever had spiked briefly, and I had to take a warmish bath to bring it down quickly. The water felt freezing cold to me, but I had to sit in it until it felt comfortable to me. The bath succeeded in bringing my temperature back down to around normal range, but after a few hours, it climbed back up to a persistent one-oh-three.

I hated being sick. I hated it. I lived out of my bedroom. Spending most of my time resting, trying so hard to break the fever I'd had since the night by the river, and fighting off the returning cough. As I'd predicted, it was worse. This was just as bad as when I'd spent that time in Port Angeles. Maybe a little worse. It hurt to take a breath, and it made it almost impossible to sleep.

On top of that, I hardly even realized that it had been a month since my last period, but my period knew that. I hated life.

After enough time and effort, we lowered my fever to a persistent one-oh-one point three, and that was where it stayed. I was just happy enough that it didn't feel the need to climb back up. My cough, however, stayed. Even with the antibiotics. It seemed like they weren't doing much for me this time. Each breath I took had to be a gasp, otherwise I wouldn't get a deep enough one.

When I could sleep, the only dream I had was of the blackness. The scene I couldn't see. No memories. Nothing else, but the same blackness. The same terrorizing blackness I couldn't decipher. Alice continued to keep an eye out for me, but there wasn't anything going wrong. Not that she could see. That didn't comfort me this time. It didn't make me feel any better, because as we'd already discovered, she couldn't see as far as I apparently could. I knew to be worried when she didn't.

I wondered if the fact that I'd been taking the medication so long was why I could suddenly see passed it. I'd adjusted to it, and though it did keep my mind from racing, and though it did keep me from worrying as much as I used to, I could still know to be worried.

After the latest time without it, at Tanya's, it bothered me. How each time I went without it, my emotions only seemed to be getting stronger. Like I couldn't handle my own emotions whatsoever anymore. Carlisle had told me that there was no risk of dependence on it, but that was physical. What about depending on it emotionally? Had he considered that when he told me that?

I pointed that out the next time that Carlisle came in to check on my fever.

"Should I stop taking it?" I asked, "I don't want to have to take it for the rest of my life."

"Perhaps we should start having you take it only every other day." He answered, "If it worries you, then I agree with you." I nodded, accepting that, "Slowly getting you less dependent on it instead of stopping it abruptly should be easier on you." I nodded again, relieved he was taking my opinion on it into consideration. I'd expected at least a small argument, but that was far from the case.

He sighed, shaking his head, "Your fever has risen again." I looked down, "One-oh-two this time. I'm going to have to think of something else, because these aren't working." He lifted the bottle of antibiotics, looking them over. They were the strongest he had on hand.

In the last week, I'd run into Bella exactly four more times. The first two were pretty tense for me, and I felt pretty nervous. Even with the constant guard I had, I didn't like facing her. The third time was a little less nerve wracking, and the fourth, we spoke.

I sat on the couch, still recovering from my latest night's scare, and trying to ignore the lingering migraine I constantly had these days. Emmett to my right, sitting between me and the only door into the room. This was the first time I'd felt like leaving the room in days. It'd always been me staying in bed. Slowly baking to death. I knew it wasn't that bad, but it was getting old. Quickly.

I looked up as Bella entered the room, Edward behind her with Renesmee in his arms, and I looked back down immediately. Much like I did every other time when meeting her deep crimson eyes.

"Leandra, can I talk to you?" She asked, and I was a little surprised. She hadn't tried talking to me yet since I'd been back.

"Sure." I murmured, glancing to Emmett. He wasn't going anywhere, but he didn't seem too concerned. Bella nodded, glancing to Edward as I'd glanced to Emmett, making sure he was close behind her. He offered her a supportive smile, Renesmee babbling quietly in his arms.

I watched as Bella sat stiffly in a chair across from me, deliberately slow. As if it was almost a little difficult to sit slowly. She sighed a little, probably trying to calm herself as much as I was trying to calm myself.

"I know we haven't been very close.." She started, averting her eyes. Which I appreciated. Her gaze was only making me more nervous, "But.. I've heard more about you these last few days than I've ever known before. There was.. So much I didn't know before." Her tone was surprised as well. Like she didn't fully realize before just how much I had to me. I waited, not really knowing how to respond to that, "I'm a little embarrassed to say that I didn't understand you before. I didn't know just _how_ much the family meant to you. It really wasn't any of my business before, I guess."

I kept my gaze down, staying quiet. I never realized before what kind of relationship I used to have with her. We weren't close, not by any margin, but I'd always felt a sort of connection with her. I never realized it before, but now that connection was gone. She'd been the only other human in the family. Realizing that now made me feel a little alone.

"I just wanted to tell you how strong I think you are." Bella continued, "And how sorry I am, for not knowing your full story before."

"It's not your fault." I mumbled, "I'm complicated." She smiled a little.

"I'm gathering that." She laughed quietly, "And I also wanted to apologize. For being the reason behind you having to be sent to Denali." I looked down, not liking to be reminded of that, "I'm sorry, Leandra. I never meant to come between you and where you were most comfortable."

"That's not your fault either." I replied, "I don't blame anybody for that. I'm glad, though, that you're okay."

"I'm just fine." She smiled again, nodding slightly. She paused, as if looking for the right words, "I'm still very sorry, though. So, I.." She trailed off for a second, looking to Edward. He nodded, encouraging her to continue, "I requested to be the one to tell you that I've been spending the last week getting used to your scent. As weird as that might sound to you," She laughed, and I did a little as well, "It means that you won't have to go anywhere again. You're not going to be sent away again, because I've sort of desensitized myself."

A rather loud noise from Renesmee took my attention briefly, and had me looking her way for a moment. I didn't like her any more than I did when I first met her. I still found myself blaming her for every single thing that had gone wrong since the wedding. As selfish as I knew that sounded, nothing had changed my mind about that.

Suddenly, I remembered. Back then, back when we first realized Bella was pregnant, I honestly couldn't figure out how her being pregnant could possible effect me. I realized then that her being pregnant had impacted my life in a way that would never recover. Among other things, her being pregnant had caused me to become a murderer. And because of that, my entire view of everything changed completely.

"And about Renesmee," Bella spoke up again, having followed my gaze, "I understand where you're coming from there." I was a little embarrassed that she knew. I felt bad about the way I disliked her daughter, but it couldn't be helped. Not after realizing what I'd just realized.

"So do I." Edward added from the side, "It'll take some getting used to, but I know it won't be difficult. Your feelings of jealousy are normal, Leandra."

"They are?" I asked quietly, and Emmett chuckled a little, placing his arm around my shoulders. Hugging me into his side.

"Of course." Edward nodded a little, "It makes perfect sense. I know things have been difficult around here, and it was only expected to blame Ness. Not to mention the fact that you've been the only child around here for over a year and a half. You've gotten all the attention, and now suddenly, someone else is sharing that attention. That's bound to create its own tension."

I felt a lot better now that I knew the reason behind the jealousy, and especially now that I knew neither of them hated me for hating Renesmee.

"Definitely not." Edward answered my thoughts, "It's only to be expected, Leandra. You're alright."

I sighed as deeply as I could, nodding. It didn't make me like her any more, but it made me feel better. Not physically, though. Just emotionally. Physically, I still felt like I'd been run over by a truck. The fever had stayed at a constant one-oh-two, despite starting new antibiotics that morning. I knew I had to give it time, but I was just slightly impatient at this point.

"You okay, shorty?" Emmett asked when I hadn't moved in a little while. Normally, I'd have gotten too cold by then, but the temperature of him compared to me felt too good. It wasn't like the bath water. This was cooling me off in a more comfortable way.

"I'm fine." I mumbled, closing my eyes, "You're cold." He laughed a little.

"How long has she been sick?" Bella asked curiously, looking to Edward.

"About two weeks now." He replied, "Her fever won't go down, and the antibiotics aren't doing much for her."

"Try holding her." Bella suggested to Emmett, "I remember how nice being cuddled felt when I was too warm."

"She's had a cool bath." Emmett pointed out, "It only worked for a minute."

"This is different." Bella argued, "Think about it. How would humans warm each other up when they're too cold? This is just transferring your temperature to hers." I looked up at Emmett, realizing what she said was true.

"We haven't tried that yet." He said, surprised, "I'm worried about bringing her temperature down too fast or too far, though. Isn't that bad?"

"I'll suggest it to Carlisle." Edward said, "He's watched her since it started." I watched as he handed the baby to Bella, who cuddled her carefully. Edward was gone for less than a minute, before returning just as suddenly as he'd left. Carlisle in tow. Given his expression, I knew Edward had already filled him in.

"I can't believe we haven't tried this yet." Carlisle said, nodding, "Try it. If she starts to feel too cold, let her go." Emmett nodded, and reached over, lifting me easily and pulling me sideways onto his lap. Wrapping both arms around me, he cuddled me. Even through his sweater, I felt how cold he was. I didn't mind being cuddled like this. Not in the least. I sighed a little, closing my eyes again.

It was silent in the room now, aside from Renesmee's quiet noises in Bella's arms. As well as cooling me down, he hugged me. I felt pretty comforted this way, and as the sore feeling of the fever began to fade ever so slightly, I felt even more comforted.

I'd always gotten along best with Emmett out of the three brothers I had, and now was no different. I liked his positive personality, which wasn't as perky as Alice's was. I would have been uncomfortable with Edward, and Jasper wouldn't have been able to hold me for so long. Out of the three of them, Emmett was the best choice.

When I'd warm up part of his sweater, I'd adjust a little. Finding a new cool spot, and pressing the side of my face against that part instead. Almost completely hidden in his arms around me. Despite how much I'd grown, it was still nothing compared to his size. Which was probably why I felt so comforted.

When I finally started to shiver, I reluctantly let him set me to the side.

As it turned out, by cooling me off that way, the antibiotics had more of a chance to work. Being held that way was a temporary fix that only helped me get better. It was always Emmett to hold me, as he was so big and could easier envelope most of me. He didn't seem to mind in the least when I started to feel the fever again, and I'd go to him. He'd always forget what he was doing, and hold onto me again.

It took the next few days before my temperature finally stayed under a hundred, and my cough eased. Which really told me how sick I really was.

About the second day my fever was gone, Jasper and Alice insisted I leave the house with them. I didn't want to, but I agreed with their promise to stay with me the entire time. I had a time trying to find clothes that fit me comfortably, but I managed to. I was at the last of my supply of clothes, and it was getting frustrating.

I settled on a thin white sweater, and jeans. I wanted to be careful anyway. It wasn't particularly cold out, but I didn't want to risk it. After being sick for weeks, I needed to be careful.

I came out after brushing my hair, and came to Alice's side.

"Good choice." She commented, smiling at the sweater.

"It's all I had." I mumbled, "Everything else bugs me."

"Well, it makes you look very pretty." She replied, and I was surprised she didn't immediately suggest shopping.

I sat in the backseat, watching out the window as we entered town in no time. I remembered walking that route so very often. How just a few weeks, one major event could change me so very much left me stunned.

I still hadn't a clue where we were going, so it surprised me when Alice slowed by the general store, and turned. Now I knew.

"Alice." I sat forward, "I can't see them."

"We'll be right there, Leandra." She reminded me, giving me a small smile.

"There's a reason I came along." Jasper spoke next, and I looked to him.

"I know I'm going to cry, and confess everything." I whined, "Don't make me see them."

"You'll be just fine." Jasper assured me, "So will they."

They'd known I was coming, by the way they waited out front. Jasper climbed out first, letting me out next. I couldn't even look up, so I was taken off guard when I was suddenly hugged. This time, Zack had gotten to me first, hugging me just as tight as Josh ever could. I grunted, eventually returning his hug. Until Josh yanked Zack away, tossing him against the mailbox and stealing me.

"We heard you were really sick." He told me, "I'm glad you're feeling better."

"I'd feel a lot better if I could breathe." I mentioned, and he instantly released me. I laughed a little, glancing up at him. Even with Jasper's help, I couldn't look right at him. Every time I did, I saw that night again. It was complicated, to say the least.

It surprised me when both Alice and Jasper went inside with us. I expected Jasper to stay outside or something, but he seemed just fine with sticking with me. It surprised me even more when this went well. They didn't even bring Ken up, for which I was really grateful. My mind was already doing that enough.

Before I even knew it, two hours had passed when Jasper suggested we get going. The boys reluctantly let me leave, and I was also surprised by the way I hugged Josh tighter than I had Zack. And for much longer.

"I am glad you're feeling better." He told me, pulling back and giving me a smile, "I was worried. Take care of yourself, kid."

"You're only two years older than me." I reminded him, glaring playfully.

"Exactly." He played along, "I was almost potty trained by the time you were born." I found that funny, and for the first time since coming to his house, I met his eyes. There wasn't a hint of accusation in his eyes. Just relief at seeing me again, and I could see instantly that he felt better.

The look in his eyes stayed on my mind the entire way to the car, and as I settled into the backseat, Alice smiled back at me.

"He's got the biggest crush I think I've ever felt." Jasper commented once the door was closed, chuckling a little.

"I already knew that." I pointed out with a sigh.

"That poor kid." Jasper chuckled, "It's only gotten bigger since the last time I felt it."

"He'll get over it." I mumbled, watching out the window again as we pulled away from the house.

"He's not the only one with a crush, Leandra." He reminded me, and I closed my eyes a little.

"I know." I sighed, "Andrew has one too."

"I wasn't talking about them." He clarified, smirking a little. I was quiet now, blushing a little. I decided not to try to deny it. Not to Jasper. He already knew, so why bother?

"It doesn't change anything." I mumbled finally, and he let it go. I frowned a little in confusion when Alice took a turn before finding main street. I groaned out loud when I realized where she was taking me now.

This visit with Andrew and his dad was a little shorter than the last visit with Josh and Zack, but I found myself happy to see him as well as Richard. It wasn't as nerve-wracking as it had been with the first two, and I knew that fact was easier on Jasper.

They, too, were relieved that I was feeling better.

When we finally left, I felt so much better. Knowing I could still see them now and then, that it would be tolerable as long as they backed off, and as long as they didn't bring up Ken. As usual, I'd been overreacting before. They were just as happy to be around me as they always had been before.

"Why the sudden visits?" I found myself asking from the backseat as we left.

"Well.." Alice started, glancing to Jasper, "You were upset that so much was changing." That's all the explanation I needed.

"Is that why Bella talked to me?" I asked, and Jasper nodded.

"That, and she did truly feel bad." He replied, "I know that helped too."

"It did." I mumbled, nodding.

"Family isn't just about support, Leandra." Alice reminded me, "It's about helping you solve problems that might be bothering you. It's the least we could do for you."

I smiled a little, scooting over and hugging Alice around the seat. She laughed, patting my arms.

"We thought it might help you see that things aren't nearly as overwhelming as they seemed." Jasper continued, "Maybe by doing this, you'll find it easier to sleep at night. Both figuratively, and literally."

"Maybe." I nodded a little, releasing Alice and sitting back.

"We're not going home quite yet." Alice said as she turned onto main street, "There is still one more place we need to take you."

"Where?" I asked, confused. If she meant to my dad's house, she was headed in the wrong direction.

"A little birdy told me that you need some new clothes." She answered, and I couldn't help laughing a little, "Not a lot. Just something to tide you over until the real shopping trip once you're feeling one-hundred percent." She didn't want to keep me away from the house for too long. Thankfully. Not so soon after getting better.

This trip was just to Port Angeles. Not so far, and it only took a few hours. I got several new items that I actually approved of. Nothing too girly, but I caved on a very pink t-shirt with little golden butterflies embroidered up one side. It wasn't my favorite, but I didn't absolutely hate it, either.

Alice made sure to keep Carlisle informed the entire time we were gone. Probably knowing he'd be concerned over how long we were gone.

Absolutely nothing went wrong, but my cough had returned a little. It just meant I had to keep taking the antibiotics. I hoped I didn't get the boys sick. By the time we were on our way home, I was ready to fall asleep against a few of the shopping bags sitting with me in the backseat.

I had help carrying the bags inside, and into my room. Alice helped me hang up the new shirts and fold the new jeans. Before she could leave, I hugged her.

"Thank you." I told her, "For doing this for me."

"You're very welcome." She replied, returning the hug, "Like I said, it's the least we could do for you. You know whenever something is bothering you, all you have to do is say something. Don't let it bother you for so long. All you have to do is talk to us."

I nodded, sighing a little.

"And about this dream.." She murmured, "I know you'll get it. You and I both know that it's not just a dream. It's a vision." I pursed my lips a little, nodding with a sigh, "You'll work through it, and you'll see it when you're ready. Given how much it scares you, I can only tell you not to try to be brave when it does come to you. Come to me, or come to someone else. Don't try to hold it in, okay?" I nodded again.

"What do I do about it until then?" I asked quietly, "I know that with me taking the medication less, it'll only get worse."

"There isn't much you can do, Leandra." She told me sadly, "I'm sorry. Until you allow yourself to see it, it'll keep coming back."

"And there isn't even any telling when that'll happen." I murmured quietly.

Carlisle managed to hear for himself how my cough had returned, and though he was disappointed in Alice for taking me out so soon, he understood. But just because he understood, didn't mean he approved. Not by a long shot.

I was starting to realize what I'd been seeing these last couple of weeks. And really during certain times over the last year and a half. His protective side.

Today really made me realize it. His carefully calm expression and tone, though I knew he wasn't happy, never wavered. He used a calmer, but firmer tone of voice when he was upset about something or when I'd gotten myself into some kind of trouble, and that was probably why I never realized it before.

How I never saw it, was beyond me. He really was protective of me. He always had been. I just didn't know to look for careful calm instead of blatant tension.

I glanced up at Alice and Jasper standing there, and given their expressions, they knew what I'd just figured out. As many doubts as I'd had over the last year and a half, there was no denying what I'd just figured out.

There was just something different about knowing he wasn't just worried about me. That I mattered. I'd known I mattered on some level, but again, this was different. The fact that Carlisle, the best person in the world, was protective of me, just completely squashed any doubt I might have still had.

In the middle of him quietly letting Alice and Jasper know he disapproved, I stepped into his side, hugging him. He paused momentarily, probably surprised, but eventually returned the embrace.

"It's not their fault." I told him, "They were just doing something nice for me." He was quiet for a second, before he sighed.

"Just please." He continued, "Refrain from taking her out so soon after she recovers."

"We completely understand." Jasper told him, "We didn't mean any harm by it."

Something I'd doubted since they left me last year, about this time, was how much I actually mattered to him. Instead of being just a burden. Someone he was required to at least care about, I didn't doubt anymore. I no longer doubted. Something as small as this made me realize how stupid I'd been.

I went to bed that night a little nervous. Considering tonight was the second time I'd skipped my medication. I'd taken it yesterday, and I'd take it tomorrow, but tonight, I was on my own. Carlisle had promised to stay close, in case I needed to be woken up, and I knew the others would be listening for any signs I needed to be woken up as well, but I was still nervous.

What if that night was the night I finally saw what the blackness was supposed to be? Did I even want to see it? If it scared me so much without me even being able to see it, what would it do to me if I finally saw it?

The dream I had was an odd mix. The blackness was mixed with an old memory. Several old memories at once. The first being when I was five. Kindergarten was a required grade for kids my age, and this memory was of sometime while I was at school.

I'd completely forgotten I'd done this. I was just trying to adjust to Jack being in my life, something two years hadn't managed to do yet, and I was lonely. I hadn't had any toys at home for all that time, so starting school made me begin to see the imbalance of the kids at school, and me. It seemed like every day they had a new toy with them, or something new and pretty, so I did what any kid would do.

I started to steal things. Take things that never belonged to me.

Just small things. Pens or crayons, or little stuffed animals that could fit easily into my backpack. I'd take them, and quickly put them into my backpack before the other kid noticed it missing. I wasn't smart enough to realize back then that the teacher could see everything I did. I was finally caught one day, and of course, she called my parents.

With a laughing promise to teach me a lesson, Jack took me home that day. If the humiliation and guilt wasn't enough, I was locked in my room for the entire weekend. No food or water. Not even a bathroom break, but I had to go somewhere. I was, of course, beaten for that when Jack found out, but I couldn't help it.

The next memory was of a time when I was seven. Again, at school. A new girl had just moved to town, and she was one of the ones that attempted to talk to me. She seemed nice enough, but I really wasn't looking for any friends. I was a lonely kid, but I never considered the fact that I could have friends.

I didn't trust anyone but myself by that time in my life, and all I saw was someone who couldn't mind their own business. So I did what any kid like me would do. I told her to leave me alone, or I'd punch her face in. She later joined Rachel's herd of friends.

The next memory, for once, was one more recent. I was nine years old in this one, and it was the day of the field trip. The day I'd wished I'd stayed home, but this memory was different. It changed. This time, I _had_ stayed home.

The day had started like it did, but instead of leaving the house with the cigarette like I had, I turned right back around and went back into my room. I never went to school that day, and I never met Carlisle. I never fought with Rachel, and I never got into any trouble.

It was so real to me, it was difficult to realize it was a dream.

In this dream, Jack got home right around the time he usually did, and life went on like it always had. Time passed, and life went on the same it always did. Years passed, and by the time I was the age I was now, I was only worse. My mom had died months before, so it was only Jack and I living together now.

Of course, I'd cried over losing her, but that was beaten out of me also.

In this dream, I only made it as far as my twelfth birthday. In this dream, I decided that I had nothing left to hold onto, only had pain to look forward to, so I gave up. There was nobody home to stop me, so I decided to do something I could never undo.

It was a little creative in the way I did it, making sure to burn the house down with me. The fire started in the kitchen, giving me just enough time to sit in the ice cold water in the bathtub, and make a couple of deep enough cuts that I'd never recover from.

I felt everything. I felt the burn in my lungs as the entire house filled with the smoke from the fire, and I felt how deep the blade went under the skin. The slight sting, but knowing I was getting exactly what I wanted. I smelled the scent of fire, burning wood, and I smelled the blood as it left me. My eyes stung with the smoke, but I watched the blood fill the water around me. Almost unbelieving of what I'd done.

I was woken up just as I felt my heart beat for the last time, but now that I was awake, I realized how fast my heart actually beat. I gasped for breath, actually surprised it hadn't been real. Carlisle and Esme sat with me on the bed, concern in their eyes. Alice behind them in the doorway.

"I didn't see." I gasped, "I didn't see what I always see, but I saw.." I knew I was making no sense, but at least I could speak. I hadn't started to cry yet, but I trembled, "I saw something."

"You saw?" Alice asked, surprised, "What did you see?"

"I saw.." I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to make sense of the dream, "It was real. It was.. Past, but not how it happened."

"What do you mean?" She asked, stepping into the room. I looked to Carlisle.

"I didn't go to school that day." I explained shakily, "I stayed home. If I'd have decided to stay home that day, I saw what would have happened. If I had decided to stay home that day, instead of going on that field trip, I would never have gotten away. If I'd have stayed home, I would have killed myself on my twelfth birthday."

"You're sure that was a vision?" Alice asked, and I nodded.

"Without a doubt." I mumbled, taking a deep breath.

"I only ask, because it's not normally a trait to see what _would_ have happened in a past vision." She explained, "Only what actually happened."

"This definitely didn't happen," I replied, "But I know it would have." It was quiet now. I flopped back, covering my eyes with the heels of my palms. Rubbing them tiredly, "It was so real. It's hard to shake it off."

And it was. Very difficult to shake off. I didn't try sleeping again, my mind racing too fast to comfortably try. I kept expecting to see the blood on my skin, but I didn't. I was asked if I was sure it was a vision several times throughout the morning, and that only stopped once Edward and Bella came by. Seeing first hand my memory of it, and how vivid it really was, Edward confirmed it.

I'd had my first real vision.

It was considered a real vision, because it hadn't involved something I'd already seen like the vision I'd had of the night I was beaten. And as slightly as I'd done it, I'd seen a little into the future. Even if that'd never happen, because that path had changed over a year and a half ago.

Once again, I was the center of discussion. Even with how tired I was, I wanted to stay and be a part of it. I wanted to figure this out as much as they all did.

"So this confirms." Jasper muttered thoughtfully, "She is capable of having a vision."

"We weren't sure there for a moment." Alice explained to me, and I nodded, "We thought you'd have to be turned first before any future visions would come to you."

"But the one thing I'm confused about," Jasper stood, "Is how she was able to see what _would_ have happened if had she decided differently."

"Maybe it's like you mentioned." Esme offered as I leaned against her, "She doesn't need decisions to give her a vision."

"Maybe.." Alice frowned in thought now, "She can see anything ahead. Maybe her visions aren't subjective like mine are. That was an idea before, but maybe there's more to it than we thought. Maybe she doesn't need someone to make a decision. Maybe she can just see what's to come without restriction."

"Can you imagine that?" Esme asked, amazed.

"I know it'd be rough for her." Alice nodded a little, amazed as well, "I know mine are bad enough, but to see in all directions like that? To be able to see perhaps all of the possible outcomes of something instead of only the actual one?" She was just throwing ideas out there of what I was capable of, but it made my head spin just listening to it.

That sparked the discussion of the possibility of Alice's suggestion. What that would provide them safety wise, and what I could eventually contribute. That gained my full attention. Of course, I'd have to work on it, and work hard, but just the thought of eventually being able to give something back to my family made me feel a whole lot better about this ability that I was developing. I hadn't even thought of that.

For the first time since figuring out I had it, I wasn't completely against the idea of being gifted. I was actually open to the idea, instead of choosing to deny it. If I could eventually help my family, instead of hurt them, I would feel so much better.

All in all, the last two weeks had been very productive ones. The only hurdle left was to figure out, and soon, what was behind that blackness I couldn't see. What was coming? What more could possibly be coming that would scare me more than I'd ever been scared before?

**A/N: Holy f**king crap this got long! Before I move on, I must place this: IMPORTANT NOTE: I don't, in any way, approve of her "future" self's actions. Got it? Don't do it.  
Just to cover my bases. Anyhoo...  
WHY IS THIS SO LONG? Well, because my darlings, I needed a closure chapter. There was just WAY too many problems floating around to hold onto until the end of the story, and this was desperately needed to make room for progress. Simple, right? Wrong. This was actually pretty difficult to write.  
I hope you approve of how things were settled so far, and I THANK MY REVIEWERS! Love you guys! Love! Love! Rainbows and puppies and all those nice things. (:  
Just so we're clear: This isn't a closing chapter. This is a closure chapter. I will be continuing on with the story in this story. Okies? Okie dokies.  
Until Nineteen, guys. (:**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

"Leandra, do you want some ice cream?" At Esme's call, I came running into the kitchen so fast I slid into the counter. It wasn't often I got junk food at home. I never once complained about that, because I understood why, so it was always a treat. Even the sugar on my cereal or in the tea was limited.

"Please?" I smiled, and she laughed, nodding. It was just a little bit, but I really didn't want very much. I also knew why she was offering. She was testing to see how my cough was doing. Aside from a few little ones, my cough was gone again. My temperature stayed slightly above normal, but under ninety-nine.

Ice cream would show just how I could handle dairy products again. If I didn't cough, it meant I was done with it.

A month had passed, and we waited. I couldn't believe how stubborn this cold was. Even with the help of the antibiotics, it was iffy. I _had_ inhaled a lot of water that night. Maybe there was some sort of bacteria in the water I wasn't supposed to breathe? Maybe how cold I was had just sealed it, and spending the entire night staying cold, unconscious had only helped myself get more sick. I really didn't know.

The dream, or vision, stayed black. There wasn't a single shred of usable information in there, and despite that, it continued to try. I hated my nights now.

I was on my fourth day straight without my medication, and the worry had become almost debilitating. The dread, along with the blackness as I slept was almost too much for me to deal with. I'd been strongly urged to open up more, but so far, I shied away from that.

Among the blackness, my memories continued to plague my sleep and almost every waking moment of my life. I was hiding it again, but it was the only way I knew how to deal with it. Hide it the best I could, and fall to pieces where no one could see. Between the two sleep disturbances, I wasn't sleeping the way I used to anymore. I was back to where I was before the medication. At the end of the summer, only this time, I was able to stay in my room for more than five seconds at a time.

I'd only come full circle, and that fact wasn't lost on the family. Especially now that Edward was around more often. I was jumpy, I was emotional. Constantly tense. Yesterday, the third solid day without my medication, Edward had taken me aside. Cornering me in the hallway outside my room.

"Stop hiding it." He insisted, and I only closed my eyes. Shaking my head as I went to walk away. He caught me gently, but firmly, turning me back around, "I mean it. Leandra, you can't keep doing this."

"I'm doing the best I can, Edward." I replied quietly, "Please don't make this any harder than it already is."

"It doesn't have to be." He almost plead, "Honestly, I don't know how Jasper has managed to go so long without insisting you talk to someone."

"He knows pressuring me won't get results." I crossed my arms insecurely over my chest.

"All you're doing by hiding it, is hurting yourself." He insisted again, "Believe me. If someone doesn't pressure you, you won't speak anyway. So please. Tell me what we're supposed to do about it."

"It's the only way I know how." I told him firmly, "I'm not asking anyone to do anything about anything."

"I know you're not." He countered, "That's the problem."

"Edward, I'm asking you to stay out of it." I was trying to keep my temper, but he was really pressing my patience.

"And I'm asking you, Leandra, to speak up before I do." He responded, "I don't know how you do it, but I can tell you that I'm not as strong as you are. I've tried to mind my own business, but honestly, your thoughts are the loudest I've ever heard. I can't keep enduring this."

"Then leave when it gets too loud!"

"I'm not trying to fight with you." He said, "But I'm not backing down."

"What happened to staying out of it like Rosalie said?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. I wasn't happy with this conversation.

"To tell you the truth," He replied incredulously, "Your memories are worse than hers were. By far. Your thoughts are ten times worse than I've ever seen from her. There is only so much I can take sitting down."

"Stay out of it." I snapped, finally spinning and heading for the living room.

"Keeping it in is only making you bitter." He called after me, "I mean it, Leandra. I will say something if you choose not to." I pretended not to hear him. He knew better, but he dropped it anyway. For the time being.

Bringing me back to the moment, Seth came running at the mention of ice cream as well, happily sitting in the seat beside me. Seth had been sticking around, which I didn't mind. He was always friendly, and because he was always hungry, he could always eat whatever he wanted.

Carlisle had gone into work that day, probably to prove to the hospital that he was still alive. I really didn't like that, but I had no say in it. He'd always been around when I needed him, but now he was in town. It was hardly noon, and I was already edgy.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Seth called my attention, and I glanced over at him.

"Nothing." I mumbled, shaking my head.

"She's uncomfortable with Carlisle being gone." Rosalie stepped into the kitchen with Renesmee in her arm and Jacob in tow, "That's no secret."

Renesmee had been born a little more than a month and a half ago, and she already looked a few years old. She was the size of a human four year old, and didn't show any signs of her growth slowing. The closer she got to my age, I hated her more. The more she grew, my dislike of her grew as well. I received my share of attention these days, but not the way she did. Along with the worry over her growth, she got spoiled beyond belief. Whatever she wanted, right when she wanted it.

I knew I'd get whatever I wanted if I'd only ask for it, but it still bothered me. A lot. Renesmee never returned my dislike of her, smiling at me. Like she knew. She knew I hated her, but didn't care in the least. I was here first, dammit.

Rosalie sighed and looked to Esme, "She wanted you." She handed Renesmee to her, who took her eagerly. Since I was done eating, I gave Renesmee a glare and stood. Leaving the room. Listening to Renesmee talking excitedly to Esme.

"Hey, wait." Seth called, quickly finishing his ice cream in three bites and jumping up also. He followed me into the living room. I slowed to let him catch up, sighing a little.

"So.. You don't like it when Carlisle is gone?" Seth asked, and I shook my head.

"It never used to bother me so much." I admitted quietly, "But now it does."

"Hey, don't be embarrassed." He said, "I get why it bugs you."

"Anyone else can leave, and I wouldn't mind it so much." I replied, "But Carlisle leaves, and I lose my mind."

"I'll keep you company." Seth told me, smiling.

"Again?" I smirked a little, "And besides. It's not like I don't have anyone to keep me company anymore. There's always Emmett, or Jasper and Alice. They've been wanting to work with me a little, but I've been avoiding it. I guess I just got used to Carlisle being around all the time." I sat down on the couch with a sigh, and he flopped down beside me.

"Why have you been avoiding working with Alice?" He asked, "She knows what you're all about." I liked talking with Seth. He seemed so interested in what I had to say. He listened intently.

"I know." I allowed, shrugging a little, "It's just.. Weird. I don't mind it so much anymore, my gift, but it's.." I struggled to find the right way to describe it. I sighed again, turning to face him a little more, "Okay, you've been around when I try to sleep at night, right?"

"And you wake up terrified?"

"Right." I said, "That doesn't go away during the day. That stays. As the day goes on, it starts to become tolerable, until I sleep again. Then it starts right up again. Some nights I dream about it, sometimes I don't, and I never know when it's going to show up again."

"And you still don't know what it's about?"

"I don't." I admitted, "Not a single damn thing. All I know, is that it scares me. More than anything. And it never eases up. Like I don't get used to it. Every time I dream about it, it scares me just as much as when I first dreamed about it."

"Has Edward been able to see anything?" Seth asked, offering suggestions, "While you sleep?"

"Nothing." I replied, "All he sees is what I wake up seeing. There's nothing there to see."

"Hmm." He hummed in thought. Frowning.

"The way I see it," I continued quietly, "Is if it scares me so much while I don't even know what it is, why would I _want_ to see it?"

"Good point." He mumbled.

"And if I work with Alice on trying to strengthen this gift, I know I'll get it easier this time." I explained, "And I'll wind up seeing it. I guess you could say that I'm trying to hide from that vision as long as I can."

"I can understand that." He nodded.

"So do they." I said, "That's why they haven't pressured me. I'm afraid of what I'll see." I looked down, smoothing my palm over my knee, flattening the slight wrinkles from my jeans. I still had that nervous habit.

"Think it could be that bad?" He asked, and his tone wasn't doubting. Just curious.

"Alice thinks I see everything at once." I explained quietly, continuing to smooth my jeans, "We don't know much about my gift at this point. We're just learning as we go."

"That's pretty much all you can do." He agreed sadly, "I'm sorry this is so tough on you, Leandra."

"Me too." I mumbled, "It's not bothering me so much right now, though. Mostly, it's just Carlisle being gone."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed about that." He tried to comfort me, "You're just a daddy's girl."

I paused, my mood instantly dropping. I hated that term with a blazing passion. I always had. The first time I remembered it being used to describe me, it came from Jack. I could really do without ever hearing it again.

"Fair warning," I managed to tell him quietly, "Don't tell me that again, or I swear I will punch you as hard as I can."

Hearing the change in my tone, he frowned, "Why? What's wrong with being a-"

I cut him off with an actual closed-fisted punch straight at his cheek. He moved just in time, catching my wrist instead. I tugged at it, and he let me go.

"You do know that you'd hurt yourself pretty bad if you were to hit me, right?" He asked, and I huffed a sigh.

"I know that."

"You also know that you hitting me wouldn't hurt me a bit, right?" He continued.

"No shit."

"Zero to pissed in point three seconds." He pointed out, nodding, "I can handle that."

"Sorry." I grumbled, knowing full well that I didn't sound sorry in the least, and he laughed.

"It's alright." He said, "You did warn me."

"I don't like being called that." I admitted quietly.

"I didn't mean to offend you." He responded, "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I'm sorry. Why does it bother you so much?"

I was quiet for a minute, letting myself calm down a little bit. He waited, not asking again. Probably in case I chose not to answer. He was pretty cool that way. Finally, I sighed, glancing to him again.

"How much do you know about me?" I asked curiously.

"Jake's thoughts weren't too specific, but I know you're here for good. For your own safety." I nodded a little. I stood up, and headed for the door. Just as I figured he would, he followed me.

I led the way down the porch steps, not daring to move farther than the yard. I started to circle the house. Seth jogged briefly, making it to my side.

"Why are we walking?" He asked.

"I wanted to walk." I replied simply.

"I'm fine with walking." He smiled a little, sighing as he looked around. Several minutes passed in silence, and he never interrupted that silence. He just stayed beside me, giving me quiet company. I was starting to like him a little more.

"I know my dad." I finally said, and he looked to me, "I met him back when I first came here, but if I didn't look so much like him, I'd never believe he was my dad. There isn't much we have in common, and to me, it doesn't feel like he's my dad. Just another person I know." He stayed quiet, "Jack was the one that raised me. My mom married him when I was three." I stopped myself, not wanting to get too far into the subject of my mom. It was still a sore one for me, and I had no doubts that it would stay that way.

"Was Jack the reason you came here?" Seth asked hesitantly. As if he could sense that my story wasn't a pleasant one.

"Yes." I mumbled, "Carlisle found out Jack was beating me, and he stepped in for me." He winced, but I knew he had no idea how bad it really was. I sighed, "What I'm getting at, is I've never been a daddy's girl. Maybe when I was a baby, like my dad told me, but not since. I've always hated that term being used to describe me, because that's what Jack would always call me."

"Oh man," He muttered, "I'm sorry, Leandra. I didn't know."

"It's not your fault." I replied, "I know you didn't know." I was quiet again, and we continued walking. Until I spoke once more, "Carlisle is really the only real dad I've ever known. I knew my mom a little bit before she died, which is probably why I don't cling to Esme as much as I do Carlisle. I don't know how to explain it."

"I think I get it." He nodded a little.

"I just can't help thinking, though." I murmured, lowering my gaze in thought, "I know what would have happened if I never would have gone to school that day, but what would have happened if I never would have let myself trust Carlisle so much? I mean, sure. I know it took a lot of trust I really couldn't afford to give him to tell him the truth that day, but I didn't have to come here. I had every chance to tell him that I would have preferred to go somewhere else. It wasn't like me to trust someone so much right from the start like that."

"Carlisle is a good person." Seth muttered, and I nodded.

"I know that now." I reasoned, "But I didn't back then. Well, I shouldn't have known that. But I did. Back then, even when I'd only just met him, I knew he wasn't like everybody else. Right from the start, I clung to him. Like I would die the second I left his side. That was so unlike me."

"Well, I'm glad you decided to trust him like that." He commented, and I looked to him, "Because if you hadn't, I wouldn't be talking to you now."

"True." I allowed with a slight nod. I sighed, "But so much more recently, I hate him being gone. Like.. Before. I used to be okay with him away, but now it bothers me so much. It worries me."

"Just because he means a lot to you doesn't mean there's anything behind it." He offered, "It just means there was no one better to be your dad."

"Maybe you're right." I sighed, "I just wish it made sense."

"And after that night, it does make sense that he's the one that makes you feel safest." He reasoned, "You called him, and he sent help. I'm still kicking myself for letting you go that day."

"Don't." I replied, deciding to let it go, "To those that hardly know me, I'm an escape artist. I'm good at getting away. I'm just not always smart about it." I paused for a cough, groaning out loud when I realized what that meant. Sure enough, seconds later, Emmett was at the side door.

"Inside, shorty." He called, and I sighed, looking to Seth.

"I inhaled a bug." I lied, slowly making my way toward the door.

"Right." Emmett chuckled, "Nice try. You don't have to sit in bed, but stay inside."

Seth and Emmett kept me company the rest of the day while I pouted on the couch. I knew Carlisle would find about about my cough coming back and insist I stay inside again. Staying inside wasn't so bad, but it was being forced to endure Renesmee's presence that I didn't appreciate. I'd hear Renesmee laugh or say something from another room, and I'd try to ignore it, but I couldn't help the worsening glare I'd throw her direction.

The last time I glared, Emmett reached down and covered my eyes. I shook my head, pulling back and looking up at him.

"If looks could kill." He muttered, chuckling a little.

"Sorry." I mumbled, looking to the TV again.

"You know what?" He asked, "I'm holding an intervention." I frowned in confusion, watching as he pulled himself to his feet. Seth looked just as confused as I was. I watched Emmett walk from the room, and just a minute later, he returned. Edward and Rosalie in tow, Renesmee in his arm. Following them, Esme and Bella.

"It would be easier if we waited until Jasper and Alice got back." Esme pointed out, nervousness in her tone. I stood up, not liking where this was going. This hadn't been attempted before.

"Sit back down, shorty." Emmett said, sitting down with Renesmee in his arms.

I shook my head, sighing. I looked to Renesmee, spotting her looking up at me curiously. She didn't speak now, as if sensing now how much I really didn't like her.

"Just try." Emmett tried again, "It'll be fine. Come on."

I couldn't do it. I looked at her, and I still saw everything wrong. I saw what impact her being here made, and I couldn't make myself stop hating her. It wasn't fair that I had to accept her. It wasn't fair. Not when her being born meant my life as I knew it changed, and would never be the same.

"Emmett.." I sighed, shaking my head and looking to him.

"You're so good at being a big sister. This is just like that time with Kaylee." He lifted Renesmee a little, "Except _this_ shorty is older." That only pissed me off more. That was _my _nickname. My eyes narrowed, my teeth clenching audibly. Just as Seth had put it, zero to pissed in point three seconds. Edward sighed, shaking his head and touching his fingertips to his forehead.

"Wait.." Emmett realized his mistake a little too late, "Hold on a second."

Finally, I realized the other reason why I hated her so much. She was moving in where I was moving out. I'd been distancing myself, hiding my hurt with my anger and my dislike of her. Burying it until I didn't have to feel it anymore. It was easier for them to accept her, since she was half vampire. I wasn't anything like my family, which automatically put me in last place. The bottom of the pack, as weird as it was to compare.

She'd even taken importance with Carlisle. As he kept close track of her growth, making sure she stayed healthy, and that was where I now drew the line. She'd pretty much taken everyone else from me, including Esme, but Carlisle was the one I wasn't willing to give up.

Emmett using my nickname for her only told me exactly what I knew. She had taken my spot next to him as well, and I was sick of it. I would never like that little demon.

"Forget it." I growled, turning and heading straight for the door.

"Leandra." Esme called after me, and I pushed open the door. I wanted to get away before I started to cry. Renesmee was taking my family, and I was having a tough time sharing. I didn't want to share them. They were mine. Emmett had only made it worse by using that name for her. That was _my_ name. Not hers. Never hers.

I was in tears as soon as my feet hit the gravel of the yard.

This hurt more than before. This hurt more than when I was ignored. I'd prefer to be ignored. I'd rather be ignored, than have her move into my place so easily. Replacing me, just like I thought before.

"Leandra." Seth had followed me, making it easily to my side.

"Go away." I sniffled, hating having to attempt to hide the fact that I was crying, "Just leave me alone."

"Not a chance." He said, following me easily, "I know how hard this is on you."

"You wouldn't get it." I mumbled, the river of tears finally reaching my chin.

He stayed with me, wandering with me through the trees until the afternoon became evening. I eventually sat, calming down with him beside me. As upset as I was, I still wouldn't leave the safety of the yard. I attempted to ignore the sound of the river further off in the trees. I hated the sound of it. It reminded me too much of that night.

As the night closed in, it got colder out. My only source of warmth was Seth beside me, and I found myself scooting closer to him as we sat talking. He'd immediately changed the subject from Renesmee, and I appreciated it.

It had to be close to eight o'clock before Carlisle finally came home. I stood quickly and jogged from the trees, gaining his attention from the garage.

"What are you doing outside?" He asked, surprised. Seth trailed after me, slower than I moved.

"She's not taking you too." I mumbled once I got to his side, hugging him.

"Emmett tried to put the two of them together." Seth explained, coming to stand behind me, "She didn't take it well." Carlisle sighed, shaking his head, "She thinks Renesmee is taking her place. Like you're replacing her."

"Leandra, I've told you before." He told me gently, "You're not being replaced. No one can take your place."

"I've told her that so many times, I've lost count." Seth informed him, "She doesn't believe me."

Carlisle eventually led me inside, but I refused to let go. Esme came into the kitchen from the living room, taking in how I clung to Carlisle. She sighed sadly.

"Are you hungry, honey?" She asked me, and I shook my head.

"How is she?" I turned my gaze down, glaring at the floor at Emmett's voice from the living room. Esme and Carlisle both looked to me, expecting me to answer him. So I did.

"Fuck off." I called to him, and Esme sighed. Shaking her head.

"Come on, shorty." He came into the kitchen seconds later, and I glared up at him now.

"Don't call me that." I grumbled, and his expression grew sadder.

"You know I didn't mean anything by what I said." He replied, "I just wasn't thinking."

"I don't care." I muttered, "That's obviously _her_ name now. She can keep it." I knew I was being immature, but I didn't care. I was hurt.

"Come watch TV with me." Emmett offered hopefully, "Your spot's open."

"For now." I countered, "Until _she_ takes it. When is she taking my room? Should I start packing?" Emmett sighed, shaking his head.

"Leandra, you know that will never happen." Carlisle corrected me.

"I can live in the garage. Unless she wants that, too." Carlisle finally reached down and lifted me, but I continued, "If she wants that too, I'll live outside. I'm sure there's a spot for a tent out there somewhere." I fought the tears the best I could, and I just managed to keep them from falling, but they were to easy to see in my eyes when I met Carlisle's eyes.

Carlisle looked to Emmett next, "They're still here?"

"In the living room." He answered tightly, nodding a little.

Carlisle started in that direction while I continued.

"Can I at least have the tent?" I asked bitterly, "Or is that hers too? What about my clothes? If those are hers, I can give those up." As soon as Renesmee looked my way from the couch, I glared at her from Carlisle's arms, "What more do you want from me? You can have anything you want, just let me have my family!" Edward reached down and lifted her from the couch, the surprised look on her face bordering tears. Her wide brown eyes brimming with them.

"You still have us, shorty." Emmett murmured from the side.

"Don't call me that!" I shouted his way now.

Before I'd noticed, Edward had moved close enough for Renesmee to reach out and touch my cheek. I froze, instantly seeing myself. From her point of view, the way she saw me. I saw the questions in her thoughts, and I saw the confusion.

I saw the first memory she had of me, the time when she'd tried to bite me. I saw the apology in her thoughts. How sorry she honestly was. She hadn't known better then, and knew now that it was wrong to do that.

She understood why I didn't like her, but she didn't understand how I could be so wrong. She showed me what the family meant to her as well, and she showed me that she really wasn't trying to take anyone or anything from me.

I jerked my head back, away from her hand, taken off guard. I'd known she could do that, but I'd never gotten close enough for her to attempt that. I didn't like it. I didn't appreciate her being able to get into my mind like that, and force me to see something I didn't choose to see. She stared at me as I stared at her for a few seconds, until I suddenly burst into tears. Twice as upset as I was before.

Renesmee started to cry as well, hugging onto Edward's neck.

"What on earth happened now?" Jasper asked over our cries as he, Alice, and Bella came inside, "We leave for the day, and everybody loses it." I only cried harder, turning and hugging onto Carlisle's neck now. I couldn't help it. He was the one I was most unwilling to let go of, and Renesmee wouldn't fool me into thinking that she didn't have the worst of intentions. She could have my room, she could have the whole damn house, but she was trying to take my family, and I couldn't handle that. I needed them too much. I just needed them.

Bella went to Edward's side, pulling Renesmee to her with a quiet sigh as Esme explained.

"Maybe we should try this another time." Alice murmured over our continued crying, "Or maybe not push it at all."

It took Bella and Edward taking Renesmee home before I even started to calm down. Separation, keeping Renesmee and I apart, seemed to be the only thing that helped. I was sitting in bed, Carlisle and Esme sitting with me. Trying to convince me that I had absolutely no reason to worry.

I went to sleep that night not feeling any better at all about Renesmee. I was actually very restless. Edgy, though I knew she wouldn't be back tonight. There was something else about it, though. Something else to this feeling I honestly couldn't figure out.

It took me quite awhile to fall asleep, but when I did, I wished I hadn't.

I woke up screaming not long later, trembling and covered in a panicked sweat. That wasn't anything new, neither was the breath stealing tears I choked on. Gasping for breath around the fear in my throat, my heart running a million miles a minute, and the huge migraine that made my head spin, I looked up into Carlisle's worried eyes.

Him sitting there was nothing new. It wasn't new that he came in to wake me up, but he was here, and it was new that I was surprised that he was here. My reaction was new.

I shoved myself out of bed, stepping around him without a word. I stepped passed those in the doorway, heading straight into the living room. I paced quickly back and forth in front of the fireplace, trying so hard to make sense of the dream of the blackness I'd just had. There were pieces to it now, things I'd seen that I suddenly could remember.

"Leandra?" Esme was worried, "Honey, sit down. Say something."

I ignored her as if she hadn't even spoken. A permanent frown on my face, I couldn't figure it out. I clung to the images I'd gotten from the vision for all that I was worth. There just wasn't enough to make sense of, but unlike so many times before, there was at least something.

"Leandra." Carlisle was the only one who was able to get through to me, "Say something."

"I don't know what it means." I finally admitted shakily, "There's not enough there."

"You saw?" Alice asked from beside the couch, "What did you see?"

"I don't know." I replied, the normal answer, "But there's something there. Uhm.." I frowned, closing my eyes and shaking my head, "What I saw.. I-It was bright. Really bright, and it hurt my eyes. I don't know why it was so bright." I paused, opening my eyes, looking down at the carpet now, "But.." I didn't know how to describe it, "We were there. Like we were waiting."

"Waiting?" Jasper asked, frowning.

"Yeah." I replied, "Expecting s-something, but.. Not you."

"Not me?" He asked, even more confused, "Not me, or not us? Leandra, are you waiting by yourself?"

"Not you." I muttered, "I'm not by myself." Then I added something that I hadn't meant to say, or even realized I wanted to say it, "Not yet."

I scared myself with those two words, realizing how true they were. More was going to happen than I could see right then, but how much? My breath choked off, and I was panicking yet again, falling to sit on the couch. I didn't miss the looks between them, my trembling worsening by the time Carlisle sat beside me. Gaining my attention again.

"I don't know how else to describe it." I muttered, looking to him and still trying to catch my breath, "I don't know.."

"What else can you tell us?" Carlisle asked quietly and I looked to him again.

"That's it." I muttered, "There's more, but that's it. It's big. There's just.. S-So much there, I can't.. I can't really.." I sighed, shaking my head finally. I finally started to cry again, shaking so unbelievably hard. He pulled me into a hug, and I accepted it gratefully, "I'm sorry I can't see more."

"It's not your fault, Leandra." He told me, "Just breathe."

I stood up suddenly, continuing to pace. I was edgy, panicked. Sitting still wasn't helping. Pacing wasn't helping either, but it was the best option I had. Something to do to keep from tearing my hair out.

They accepted that. Letting me try to walk this off.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make sense of the brightness, or the expectation. It obviously meant something was coming, but I hadn't the slightest clue what it was.

Yes I did.

Another part of the vision decided then that I should remember it. I had to fight to acheive it, but it was there. My mind was so mixed up, lost in itself. It seemed like there was too much room in there, and there was just so much there. Filling up every inch of spare space. Like a room stacked from ceiling to floor with stuff. Everything just shoved in there, thrown together in an unrecognizable heap.

"It's a person." I said, "It's not something. It's someone. I don't know what.. I don't know who they are, and I never see their face, but.." The more I walked, the more came to me, "Something goes wrong. Something happens. _That's_ the part that I can't see, but I know. I know it's.." I had to keep stopping. I didn't know how to explain it. The part that I couldn't see was hurting me the most. I continued to tremble. Telling them more didn't ease me like I thought it would. It only got me more worked up.

I wasn't calming down. I was just getting started. My emotions no longer felt like my own, and I knew I was feeling the left over emotions from the vision. I couldn't change that, and I couldn't just not feel anymore. As impossible as it sounded, I only got more worked up as I paced.

Jasper's eyes followed me closely, staying on me nervously. Now and then, he muttered something to Carlisle, who would look at me as well. I barely noticed that. At one point, Esme stood, and left the room.

I suddenly missed the medication. I wanted it. I missed how easy it was to control my thoughts, and I missed how easy it was to control how I felt. I was getting more overwhelmed, and the less I slept, the more angry and frustrated I got. I couldn't handle this.

Where was the edge? The one way trip Jasper was worried about months ago? I had the strongest feeling I was headed down that one way road, and I had no way of turning around. If I asked to take the medication again right now, Carlisle would almost certainly turn me down. I was too upset, and if I asked now, it would seem too much like I was dependent on it.

I was.

I needed it. The emotions of the vision were warring with the emotions I felt now, and they were mixing. Combining. I was losing it with each breath I took, each passing second leading me closer. This was so much stronger than the bad night I'd had before. When I'd had Carlisle sit with me just to make sure I didn't do anything stupid. This was worse than that.

Jasper let it grow.

I couldn't blame him. Not with how resistant I was to receive his help before. Now I would have given anything for the relief he'd always given so freely. It was all coming forward, closing in on me so very quickly. I didn't know how to ask openly for his help. I needed it, but not enough to know how to form the pleading words.

Esme finally came back into the room, Edward and Bella in tow. Their eyes instantly on me. Watching me crumble before their eyes along with Carlisle, Jasper and Alice.

My stomach tumbled literally painfully, each breath I took making it more impossible to keep from throwing up. The constant trembling was making me sore, and the tension I was under felt like it would crush me at any second. I couldn't do it.

"What happened?" Edward asked, "She wasn't like this when we left."

"She finally saw." Alice explained, "There's more to it than she was able to see, and she's looking for more."

"Distract her." Edward suggested, "Because she's losing it."

"She won't listen."

"Calm her down then." Edward replied, and the worry in his voice only made it worse.

"I can't." Jasper immediately replied, "Not until she asks. She gets upset when I help her anymore."

"Let her be upset with you." Edward countered, "You can't tell me that you don't feel that."

"I won't force my gift on her, Edward." Jasper stood up, "If she doesn't want my help, there's nothing I can do." Emmett came into the room then, but again, I didn't look his way. The more people I paid attention to, the harder it became. I was feeling way too much, and it wasn't getting any easier.

I began to doubt myself. I wasn't strong enough for this gift. I wasn't strong enough for these emotions, and I definitely wasn't strong enough for the gift and the emotions on top of real life. I was sliding downhill, I could feel it.

I suddenly stopped in the living room doorway. Freezing when I would have turned so many times before. Looking back. Turning slowly, and looking to Jasper and Alice. Both of them, along with Carlisle and Esme met my eyes. Emmett, Bella and Edward to the side, but I didn't look at them.

It was all I could do to just stand there. This was so different. So very different from any time before. I was confused, knowing I needed to see more, but terrified of what I'd find. I was struggling with myself now, torn two ways. Violently. My head ached unbearably, the migraine I'd usually had was now intensified ten fold, and each small sound was enough to make me want to throw up. My entire body hurt now, just as badly as it did back when I was beaten every day, but I knew it was all from my mind. The tension, the pressure I constantly had on myself was squeezing me, trying to crush me under its weight.

"Please." I finally gasped, "I can't do it." Carlisle was on his feet the moment those words left my mouth, watching me standing there shaking. As if hesitant to move too quickly, or come too close. They'd been in the middle of openly discussing me, but I didn't care that I'd interrupted them. I didn't trust myself alone, and didn't dare leave the room.

"Leandra," Alice's voice was deliberately calm, "You're overwhelming yourself. You're trying too hard to see something you're not ready to see yet. Just.. Come sit down." She patted the cushion between herself and Jasper, her eyes on me. The very same answer as before. I didn't see that as help. I saw that as her doubting my emotions, or her doubting how much this hurt. Jasper moved forward slowly, standing now beside Carlisle, clearly not doubting in the least, but I had yet to receive any of the numbing relief he could provide.

"It's not about that." I begged, shaking my head, "I-I can't think. I can barely breathe. Please. Just tell me how to make it stop." I was surprised they could understand me. With how much I trembled, and how harshly my voice broke, I could barely form words, "It hurts so much. H-How do I stop? How do I just.. Stop?" I closed my eyes, shaking my head. My head felt like it would explode at any second, and my racing pulse didn't help that any. I wanted relief. I just wanted someone to kill me where I stood. Just end the warring emotions in my heart and in my head, to end the pain. Or tell me how to make it stop myself.

Edward looked pointedly to Jasper, who didn't dare look away from me.

"That's exactly what it is." Alice replied, slowly standing as well, "Come sit down, and take a breath." I hadn't realized I'd stopped breathing. I took a shaky breath in, sobbing once at the increase of pain in both my heart and in my head at the one action. I didn't miss the looks of concern on both Carlisle and Jasper's face.

I couldn't take it.

I sobbed, turning and pressing my forehead against the wall. Clenching my teeth, and squeezing my eyes shut. Tears hardly escaped around how tightly closed I had my eyes, and it was only getting worse. I visibly shook, trembling on weak knees. My entire body shaking where I stood.

I couldn't take it.

The pressure squeezed me tighter, the pain increased. I stopped listening. I stopped hoping for a solution. The fear, the panic and the pain I always got from the vision were so much stronger now. The hurt from earlier, the anger and the heartbreak somehow squeezed in along side the emotions from the vision, and it hurt. The dread from the visions, the heartbreak from earlier, and on top of that, my mind decided then to throw in a handful of past memories, and that was it.

This was worse. This was worse than my past break-downs. Worse than the pain of being beaten all over again in that vision, worse than when Andrew and I fought. That was nothing compared to this.

This was the one. There was something in that vision that destroyed me, and it was hurting me so much. Something I needed to see, but wanted to just hide from. Choking on a sob, I slid down the wall to my knees. Once there, I fell to the side, landing on my butt.

"Leandra." Alice tried once more, "Breathe. Take a breath." I audibly gasped for a breath, lowering my head from against the wall into my hands. My teeth stayed clenched, slowly, painfully drawing my legs up to my chest. Curling into a self-preserving ball right there in the door way. I should have realized that it wouldn't work. I couldn't hide from this.

I couldn't take it.

"Jasper." Edward's voice was a warning now.

I felt my grip on my self control slipping, and though I desperately reached for it, I could feel it just out of reach of my fingers. My heart raced fast, and I couldn't slow it down.

Something had to stop, something had to give. Soon. Like now. I had to find some sort of relief. I needed relief, but I couldn't form the words to beg for it now. I couldn't form any words now. I was done trying, I was done talking. There wasn't anything left to do.

Something in my mind seemed to snap, like a switch had been flipped, and I knew immediately it would extremely difficult to fix. That was it.

I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it.

"Leandra." Alice's voice was only slightly firmer now, trying to gain my attention, "Breathe. Leandra, listen to me." I wasn't. I wasn't about to let her pretend that my pain was all in my head. I was so tired. I knotted my hands in my hair, my heart pounding quicker the longer I went without breathing. I gasped in once more, crying out at the increase of pain resonating through my head.

I felt a hand trying to pull my left hand away. I knew it was Alice, but I was so tense, I resisted without even meaning to. My hand stayed right were it was, refusing to let go. My tension shook my entire body, and still, I couldn't cry. I could sob, but no tears could find their way out. There was too much pressure, too much tension. Every single one of my muscles were locked. It wasn't stopping. It just continued to grow. Rising over me, threatening to suffocate me.

"Carlisle." Jasper muttered, and I ignored it.

"Jasper." Edward growled another, heavier warning.

"Numb her." Carlisle finally said, taking my attention. Suddenly, without warning, I felt every single bit of my emotion stolen. Covered. It was such a relief, it was almost painful. All at once, I took a breath. I gasped in a deep breath, sobbing it out as my head hit the wall at the suddenly stolen tension, which took a lot of the pressure away. It was still there, I knew it was, but this I could deal with.

I looked over in time to see Jasper sit back down on the couch. His eyes closed in concentration, and what could only be described as his own pain. He lowered his head, resting it in his hands like I had been doing. I was overwhelming him, and the few seconds that passed, I saw it only getting worse.

"Talk to her." Jasper finally growled, looking to Carlisle, "While she's listening, and for the love of everything holy, make it quick."

"Leandra." It was Alice instead, trying again, "I mean it. Listen to me." I looked to her now, my eyes still holding the physical pain I was in. Jasper couldn't do anything about that, but it was such a relief to be given a break from the emotional pain I was in, that the physical pain almost no longer mattered.

"You can _not_ rush this." She told me, taking my hands in her own, trying to stop my trembling, "This is what happens."

"It's _too_ important." I mumbled, "I have to-"

"I'm still paying attention." She interrupted me, "It's not entirely up to you, Leandra. You're not all on your own here. You might be able to see further in advance than I can, but you've let me know to keep looking." I was finally able to take another breath, "You've done all you needed to do, okay?"

"I can't help it." I replied, "I have to look. Something happens, Alice. I know it. S-Something-"

"And we just have to wait until the decision is made that'll give me my vision." She said, "I know to be open."

"But-"

"No." She interrupted me again, "No. You're not ready to push yourself this hard yet. Just breathe. Take a really deep breath." I did as she told me to do, and she nodded. It wasn't as deep as it should have been. It shook along with me, and my emotion threatened to peak again, but Jasper stole that from me as well. The next one was slightly easier, and she nodded again.

"Good." She said, "Again."

"It's working." Jasper murmured from the couch. I kept my focus on her eyes, forcing myself to focus on the deep breaths I kept taking.

"You'll make it through this." She muttered gently, "Just keep breathing."

After several breaths, I found myself yawning. It really was working. Forcing myself to keep breathing like this was easing the migraine ever-so-slightly, and the more it eased, the easier it was to focus. To shut the door into the cluttered room, to try to sort through another time.

Unfortunately, though, I was watching her eyes so closely, I managed to catch the hint of concern come to her expression before she carefully hid it. All at once, the panic was back. I drew my legs back up, tension rolling back through me. Jasper cursed out loud, and I knew he was just given even more to try to take from me.

"No, no, no." She tried to calm me back down, seeing the worry come to my eyes again, "It's okay."

"What worried you?" I asked almost silently, "What was it? Did you see something?"

"No." She said, "Just breathe."

"What was it?" I refused to cooperate this time. Not until she answered me. She knew something she wasn't telling me, and that only served to make it worse. The fact that I could feel any worry at all was astonishing, and the fact that it hadn't been covered yet meant that Jasper was almost at the limits of his gift. Given his posture, he was trying, though.

"Carlisle." She looked over her shoulder, "Can I have a quick word?"

"Of course." Carlisle replied.

"Esme, please watch her. Try to calm her back down." Alice stood, and Esme immediately took her place. I fought to my feet as Jasper attempted to take this panic as well. I trembled harder, threatening to fall at any second. I couldn't handle it anymore.

"Alice." I called as she went to walk away, "Tell me."

She hesitated, half way between Carlisle and I.

"It has nothing to do with what you say you saw, Leandra." She finally said, but somehow that didn't ease me. Esme gently pulled me into her side, supporting me before I could hit the floor, but that didn't ease me either. I needed to know.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked, unable to help it.

Alice sighed, "It's probably nothing."

"Then tell me." I insisted.

She looked to Carlisle, her voice softening, "Her future is gone."

**A/N: I think I broke her. ):  
THANK YOU to my reviewers! I couldn't keep this up without you guys! I eagerly look forward to reading what you guys think of this one.  
It's not easy writing emotion like this lol trust me. It's exhausting, really, but _so_ worth it. So if it comes out a little mixed up, I'm sorry.  
I was wondering if anyone noticed yet. The way her family life and her struggles with getting older/having a gift keep clashing. Coming closer together. Thought I would bring it up. {:  
Anyhoo. Chapter twenty will take some time. I haven't had a chance to start it yet, and my plans for this need sorted and categorized because it gets nuts from here on out. Careful planning, guys. I am working on it, though.  
Until twenty, guys. (:**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

"I'm sorry." Emmett said after a moment, "What?"

"I'm sure it's nothing." Alice repeated. I had yet to take a breath, "Remember Bella? She's just fine now."

"Last time I checked, I wasn't pregnant." I muttered, looking up at Esme.

"Okay, this is such a pleasant conversation and all," Jasper stood up again, "But this is becoming intolerable. So we need to discuss some sort of option for the time being, because if I let this go, she's going right back to where she was."

Carlisle sighed, frowning.

"I don't believe her anxiety medication will be enough this time." He shook his head a little.

"Not a chance." Jasper replied, "Not anymore."

"But I do have something that's nearly guaranteed to work." Carlisle continued, "I'm hesitant, though."

"Why?" I asked. I stood there, trying to keep tabs on the emotions I still managed to feel. I felt Jasper's efforts, and he was trying, but there was really only so much he could do anymore.

"Because this is more of a sedative." He explained, "If I can avoid having to give you that, I'd like to."

"I'll try anything." I mumbled, "If I can avoid having to feel _that_ again, I want to." I gestured to Jasper, knowing he knew what I meant.

"Sleep may be the opposite of helpful in this case, Leandra." Carlisle pointed out, "It may only make those emotions worse."

"I don't even see how that would be possible." Jasper commented, looking down. I looked to him again, taking in his tense posture. He was trying, and once again, I felt bad. I hated having to have him take the weight for me. It was quiet for a moment.

"Leandra." Edward growled, but I ignored him.

"Give me a second." I murmured, and Jasper looked up, "Then let it go."

"Don't start with that." Jasper replied tightly, "Just this once.." He trailed off, and I knew he was having a hard time with the amount of emotion he'd taken from me.

"I mean it." I said, "They're not yours-"

"_Just _this _once_!" I flinched slightly at his shout, "_Don't_ be so damn stubborn!" I didn't know how to react. His accentuation of the words he shouted my direction told me he meant them. It was clear that nobody else knew how to react either, as nobody spoke. Alice and Esme looked down, Esme hugging me tighter into her side.

I held his gaze for a few seconds, before I bit my lip and looked down. If I'd had the option to, I would have shouted right back at him, or I would have cried. Now that I couldn't feel much of anything but the worry that was disappearing by the second as he continued to work, I didn't know what to do besides just stand there.

"Okay." I said quietly, "I'm sorry."

I remembered how my rage fits went, and I knew I was lucky that Jasper decided to stop there. It seemed as though Jasper was a little more skilled at handling my emotions than I thought.

"Carlisle," Edward spoke, interrupting the silence that followed, "Go get that sedative now. I think Jasper needs a break." Carlisle sighed, shaking his head, but he did as Edward suggested. During the minute or so Carlisle was gone, I watched as Alice took Jasper aside, muttering to him firmly. If this sedative was anywhere near as strong as what they gave me in Tacoma, I'd take it gratefully. I could use the break as well.

As soon as Carlisle returned, I didn't hesitate. I didn't care what it was he was giving me. I took the pill he handed me, expecting it to take quite some time to start working, so I sat down.

"Okay." Emmett asked, "So who has any ideas?"

"Where do we even start?" Bella muttered, shaking her head.

"How about the part where she has no _future_?" Emmett grumbled, obviously not liking that one bit.

"Leandra," Alice murmured, and I looked to her, "You say you weren't alone in the vision?"

"I'm not alone." I confirmed, "But it's hard to tell."

"Now that you can think," She quickly sat beside me, "Before you fall asleep, tell me what all you know. Can you see it better?"

I sighed, knowing she was right to be worried. The moment I began to feel my physical tension easing, I knew I would be out cold in minutes. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes. Trying to find the mixed up bits of the vision.

"It's confusing." Edward confirmed, and I glanced to him.

"I know there's still so much I have to see." I murmured, shaking my head a little.

"It's like a movie you've seen a hundred times, but you can't remember exactly what happens." Edward said, and I looked to him again.

"Exactly." I sighed, glad someone understood.

"It's chaos in there." Edward looked to Carlisle, "I really don't expect to get anything more until she can sort through it. It's worse than before. Instead of only a handful of topics trying for her attention like before, there are.. Twenty. Thirty. All at once, and so very loud."

I laid back against the couch, sighing.

"Go ahead." I mumbled, closing my eyes, "Tell them anything they want to know."

Alice took my attention again, "Don't try to find more." She said, "But I want you to focus on what you have seen so far. Just on that, okay?" I closed my eyes again.

"I'll try, but.." I shook my head, "No promises."

"Forget everything else for now." She prompted, "Everything else is less important right now. Can you do that?" I didn't answer right away. Her voice softened, "Forget everything else, but what you dreamed about."

"She's calming down." Jasper sounded calmer as well, "Whatever you gave to her, Carlisle, it's working."

"I can only see what she sees." Edward answered someone's silent question.

"Think, Leandra." Alice prompted again, and I did. Though my head had started to spin a little, I fought it as much as I could to think about the bits of the vision I'd been given. Knowing Edward was listening closely.

I had actually no idea if it was in order or not. I didn't know anything but what I knew. It was bright, and we were waiting. Expecting. I wasn't alone, and I was happy about that, but terrified at the same time.

I could feel myself falling asleep there where I laid, but I didn't feel the drop off coming until it was over me. Sleep was slow enough in coming that it took me off guard when it finally closed over me.

I was too warm when I started to wake up, and I realized that I'd been moved to my room. Laying in my own bed with the afternoon daylight behind the curtain. I whimpered, kicking the blanket off me and rolling over to find a cooler spot on the bed while attempting to wake up. It didn't work too well, and I started to fall back to sleep.

Disoriented, I forced my eyes open. Gazing around my room uncomfortably. My stomach tumbled as I laid there, hating how sick I felt now. It confused me, the way I trembled, even as I knew the fever was back with a vengeance. I had a huge fever now, but I was cold? That was odd to me, but I didn't consider saying anything. At least my cough seemed to be gone.

I climbed to my feet, and dizzily left my room. I was way too warm for my own comfort, and feeling very nauseous because of it. My lack of emotion told me Jasper was aware that I was awake, but it was easier for him to handle this time, I guess.

"There she is." Emmett's chuckle from the living room had me flinch a little. Not expecting it, "Feeling any better?" I just shook my head, and made my way to him. I really wasn't. I was numb emotionally, but really not feeling too well physically. The odd sort of combination was enough to make me wish I hadn't taken the sedative.

"Holy shit, shorty." He muttered as I stopped in front of him, "You look horrible." I squeezed my eyes shut as he touched his fingers to my cheek, concern growing in his eyes, "Come here." He attempted to pull me into his arms like he'd done so often before, but I shook my head a little.

"I'm too cold." I mumbled, sitting beside him instead. I leaned against him, though. Resting. The walk from my bedroom to the living room had almost been too much. I didn't say anything about that, though. It was weird, but again, it was the sedative.

"What is it?" Carlisle and Esme descended the stairs, probably having heard Emmett's curse.

"Come feel her." Emmett muttered, "I think it's time to worry." I jumped a little at the hand over my forehead.

"The physical stress on her last night must have been worse than we thought." Carlisle murmured, and I listened to him leave the room. Esme sighed, sitting beside me and taking my hand. I was still tired, almost aching for more sleep. I had known I had to find somebody, though. I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Apparently, my fever _had_ come back. One-oh-three point seven. So close to becoming very worry-some, and they responded to that. I was given the antibiotics again, and I eventually let myself be held, even as I trembled. Emmett tried letting me go after awhile, but within minutes, my temperature was back up. A little higher this time. Steadying at one-oh-three point nine.

I was getting used to it, though. I was shaking off the sedative, and as I did so, I got less tired. Just a little less, but still less. I must have looked a little better, because Carlisle stopped hovering. Deciding to look for answers instead. I eventually had to move away from Emmett. The constant cooling off and heating back up was hell on my nausea. I reminded myself of a yo-yo. From the couch into his arms, and back to the couch.

I never mentioned anything besides the fever, and I thanked my lucky stars that Edward wasn't around. There had been so much I hadn't said, and for a moment, I debated whether or not to say something. I didn't know why for, but Carlisle _had_ said to tell him if anything changed. This was new.

The nearly overwhelming nausea, but that wasn't anything major. I hadn't thrown up yet. I just felt like I needed to. I trembled almost continuously. In cold, and weakness, and dizziness.

I didn't feel at all like myself. Just an overall sense of unease. Not like the dread I'd always get with my visions, but just in general. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. Sore, achy, and tired. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't feel like worrying them more than I had already. There wasn't much else Carlisle could do anyway. What would be the point?

I still hadn't come to terms with what I learned from Alice last night. Maybe this fever returning was worse than I thought it was. Would it eventually kill me? While I was numb, I decided to go and find her. I wanted to talk to her about her lack of vision regarding me.

As it turned out, she was in her room. I didn't want to bother her, so I went to turn around, but the door opened behind me.

"Leandra." She called, and I looked back, "What's wrong?"

"I didn't see anything else, if you're wondering that." I said quietly. I hated how even though I was quiet, my voice shook ever so slightly, "I was wondering. Think we can go shopping for awhile?" Her eyes widened a little in surprise, "Just to get out of the house."

I'd never requested to go shopping with her before. Not once. I avoided it at all costs, but now I just wanted to go somewhere. Anywhere but here for a little while. Shopping was better sitting around trying to understand this fever, and trying to sort through the chaos in my head.

"I don't know if Carlisle would approve of you leaving right now, Leandra." Jasper stepped out into the hall behind Alice, "Not with how sick you are right now."

"I'm not getting any better sitting around here, anyway." I reasoned, "Might as well have some fun. Or try to." He considered that, sighing a little, so I continued, "I just want to be somewhere other than here. I need to move around while I still want to."

"I'll go talk to him for you." Jasper offered, heading up the hall.

"Thanks." I mumbled, looking to Alice again. I sighed as well, wrapping my fuzzy pajama top closer around me by crossing my arms. I wished I knew why I was so cold. It was quiet for a minute, and I finally looked down.

"Why the sudden need to go out, Leandra?" She asked, her tone suggesting she already knew the answer to that. I had no doubts that she really did.

"I just don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself." I admitted, my tone softening, "Anything is better than that."

"I can understand that." She replied, nodding a little.

"I just want to feel better." I sighed, glancing back toward where Jasper walked away, "Jasper tries, but I know it's still there. I still feel it there, and he can't take it all. I still hurt physically, too. Since there isn't much I can do about that, might as well just keep moving, right?" I looked down, "I should keep moving while I can. I don't want to stop living before I stop living."

"Leandra, I don't think you're going to die." She murmured sadly, shaking her head.

"What other explanation is there?" I asked sadly in return, "Not much of one. There's no other real explanation. My future disappeared last night, before my fever came back. Worse than before, and it's not going away. I don't think it will this time."

"You can't think like that." She sighed, stepping closer and hugging me, "I promise you. Nothing is going to happen, okay?"

"But what about-"

"I don't care what my vision tells me." She said, "Or lack of, anyway."

I pulled back slightly, looking up at her, "You haven't seen anything yet?"

"Not yet." She murmured, "But I'm trying, Leandra. I'm trying."

"Carlisle agreed to an hour at most." Jasper came back up the hall, and I turned, looking back at him, "Then it's straight back here. I'm coming with you."

"That would help emotion wise." I mumbled, nodding.

"Not just for that, Leandra." He said, "If your future is missing, it won't be because there's no one there to protect you both." I glanced to Alice as she glanced to me. Jasper underestimated how sick I was. They all did.

"I thought Emmett was the bodyguard." I tried to joke, smiling a little. He seemed to appreciate it, smirking slightly as well.

"I doubt it'd do you much good to have the entire family following you around, Leandra." He said, "Not when you're trying to avoid the attention. Given the circumstances, I know for a solid fact that they would all agree to come along if they were invited."

Before we left, we just managed to run into Bella stepping inside with Renesmee. I watched, pausing mid-step as Renesmee turned, hugging into Bella's side at just the sight of me.

"Leandra." Alice saw my tension, and I glanced up at her. I looked down. With Jasper in charge of what I felt, I knew for a fact that I wanted to feel the jealousy I felt the night before, but it wasn't there. Always sneaky, though, Jasper allowed me to feel the shame. Renesmee wasn't even old enough to understand anything about jealousy. Or even understand why it was I felt the way I felt. To her, I hated her for no reason.

She didn't even know what she'd done wrong.

"Shit." I mumbled, closing my eyes and shaking my head. I hadn't even realized it, but I was hurting her the way I'd always been hurt as a kid her age. She didn't know why I blamed her, but I continued blaming her. I looked up, meeting Jasper's eyes with both fear and surprise in my own, before looking back to the little girl against Bella's side.

It wasn't her fault. It never had been, but I'd been treating her so badly.

"I'm sorry, Renesmee." I mumbled, and she turned her face to look at me, "I know I've been mean. I'm so sorry." She still seemed hesitant. I couldn't blame her for that. I couldn't blame her for anything anymore. It wasn't her fault that she'd been born into the family. It wasn't her fault that she automatically had a place here. She had her _own_ place. She wasn't after mine.

I'd been selfish.

"I won't be mean anymore." I turned my eyes to the floor, "I promise." I looked to Alice briefly, moving forward. I intended to walk around Bella, but a little hand grabbing onto my wrist surprised me.

"Wait." Renesmee mumbled, and I did. I waited, watching as she stepped away from Bella enough to face me. She gestured with her free hand that I bend down a little and I did. The moment her hand touched my cheek, she gave me a vision. I knew what she wanted to do, so it didn't take me quite as off guard this time.

She showed me her point of view. The very same thoughts she'd given me the night before. I should have recognized it then, but I hadn't. I should have recognized the confusion, and how she wondered just what it was she'd done wrong.

I waited this time, letting her show me.

They weren't nearly as intense, but I recognized her confusion as confusion I'd had myself so very often. I'd treated her badly, but not nearly as badly as I'd been treated, thankfully. I hadn't even known what I was doing by hating her so thoroughly. Ness wasn't stupid, but I sure had been.

One more thought than the night before, though, was how easily she forgave me. She understood my apology and she counted on my promise. With her showing me this way, there was no way I could doubt her sincerity. She meant, one hundred percent, what she showed me, and I knew she did forgive me.

Once it ended, by her pulling her hand away, it took me a few seconds to get my own thoughts back. My mind had been cleared the moment she used her gift on me, and that brief moment of just nothing there right afterwards was such a relief. Then it all came back.

"Thank you." I told her, and she smiled.

"You're welcome." She replied quietly, her smile still in place. After awhile of me standing there with her studying me, her smile faded a little, and her eyes grew worried. I was still bent over a little, so she placed her hand against my cheek again.

As I predicted, it showed worry this time. I saw myself now, how I looked to her. My skin was much paler than I was used to seeing on myself. My eyes less bright, less of the clear green I had gotten used to. She wanted to know how sick I was, and what would make me look this bad. She pulled her hand from my cheek, still frowning.

"Don't worry." Was all I told her.

I thought about it while I spent the trip in the backseat. Watching out the window. How great must it be to not have to find the words to describe something to someone else? That gift would have really come in handy before, and even more so now. How easy it would be to just show someone what I meant to say, or show someone what I saw.

I also took inventory on the way I felt. Too warm, which was a given. I still felt like throwing up, but it was tolerable. My heart pounded too quickly, and as a result, it was a little difficult to breathe. I had a feeling, though, that that was caused by the emotions I couldn't feel. Left over from the night before. My head spun. I was dizzy, and I'd already explained that off to myself as the effects of the fever. It was really difficult to concentrate, but that was nothing new either.

All in all, I felt horrible.

As I went to stand from the car at one of the larger malls in Port Angeles, I had to take a second. I gripped onto the door of the car, squeezing my eyes shut as my head spun more violently. My vision had literally begun to white-out, and I had the strongest feeling that I'd just been seconds away from passing out. Wouldn't that have been awesome? Not. If I'd been able to feel, I'd have been very scared.

"Are you alright?" Jasper noticed. Of course he did.

"I stood up too fast." I explained with a weak little laugh. He seemed hesitant to let it go, looking to Alice who had rounded the car to our side. I decided to risk letting go of the door and change the subject, "I wish I had Renesmee's gift instead. It would be so much easier on me than this one." I was thankful that we walked slowly. They were letting me set my own pace. I was also thankful that they decided to drop it, and accept the subject change.

"You'll get the hang of this one." Alice assured me, "You wouldn't have developed it if you didn't have what it took to figure it out."

"But what I'm worried about is what happens when Jasper has to leave?" I asked, looking up at her as I closed my coat tighter around me, "It's not like I can go along when you two hunt. Last night scared me. I had no control over how I felt. It didn't feel real to me."

"It didn't feel real?" Alice asked, frowning.

"No." I said, "I know why, but it didn't make it any easier on me."

"Why did it not feel real?" Jasper asked, and I looked to him now. I thought for sure they'd have figured it out by then if I had.

"You don't know?" I asked, pausing outside the store's doors.

"No." He answered, studying me in concern.

"Not all of that was my own." I finally answered, "Well, I mean, of course it was all mine, but.." I paused, sighing, "Most of that was what I felt in the vision. It was left over from when I woke up."

"Maybe we won't need you to explain fully yet." Jasper muttered in thought, "If I can work on figuring out what those emotions were telling me, maybe we can figure out what it was about."

"You know her emotions well enough." Alice agreed quietly, "It wouldn't be hard."

"I would need some help." He murmured in thought, "I would need you to attempt to sort through them. Point out which ones are from now, and which emotions the vision gives you."

"I can't untangle those any more than I can untangle my thoughts, Jasper." I shook my head a little, "It's too hard. They're too mixed up, and it's hard to tell anymore."

"We'll work on it at home." Jasper assured me, "For now, I'll hold onto them. I have a feeling I'll need Edward to help a little as well."

"Okay." I agreed wholeheartedly, "It wouldn't be a good idea to give them back to me here anyway."

"It'll be challenging to me too, Leandra." He reminded me, pulling open the door for us, "I've got to figure out a way to give you one back at a time. Then you can tell me which that belongs to."

"I hadn't even thought of that." I admitted, surprised, "That would work." I smiled a little, amazed, "One at a time would definitely be doable."

I was distracted the entire first fifteen minutes, until I finally had to sit again. I avoided the brightly lit stores like the plague, just in case. Fighting through the dizziness, and how tired I got so easily.

This was different from the cold I had before. I knew that immediately. Before, it was just the cough and the fever. Now it was a much higher fever, and so much more than the cough. I ached everywhere. Along with the headache, it was hard to focus through the spinning in my head. Every chance I got, I sat. My heart continued to pound too fast, like it was trying too hard, but I didn't think anything of that.

We sat on a bench outside several rows of shops after those fifteen minutes, letting me rest yet again. I never brought it up, and neither did they. I was watching people walk by, amazed at how busy a shopping mall could be on a weekday afternoon in the middle of November. Jasper standing to my right and Alice seated to my left. Probably watching them as well. I was thinking, though. As much as I could.

"What I just don't get," I muttered almost silently, "Is how I'm supposed to figure out what this vision is supposed to mean when I'm expecting to die at any second." I knew they could hear me easily, even if it was hard for me to even hear myself.

"Your future disappearing could mean anything, Leandra." Alice replied just barely loud enough for me to hear.

"Like what?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the people walking by, "I can't think of anything but the obvious. You say it could mean anything, but I think the explanation is obvious. It's disappeared, because I don't have one anymore."

"Or it changes drastically." She reasoned, "Too drastically for me to see. It could be that so much is coming regarding you that I can't see. There are limits to my gift, Leandra. Things I'm even still learning about my own."

I hadn't even thought of that.

"Sorry." I muttered, "I'm just worried."

"That's perfectly understandable." Jasper commented quietly.

"I just wish I knew everything." I sighed, "What mine mean, and what yours mean." I was being vague, just in case someone I couldn't see was listening, "And how do I know that mine won't get me into trouble? By avoiding what I remember of it, how do I know that's not what I'm doing wrong?"

"You're thinking too much." Alice shook her head a little, "Nothing is going to happen to you while we're here. You're too important to this family for us to let anything happen."

"You can't stop random chance." I mumbled, watching a pack of teenage girls wander by, giggling loudly as they glanced to Jasper, "My chances of surviving until I'm sixteen just lowered drastically the moment you couldn't see my future any-"

"That's it." She muttered, looking at me. I looked to her, as did Jasper, "When you say it like that, it makes sense." She smiled, and I instantly saw the relief in her eyes, "Leandra, you're not going to die. I just _can't_ see you anymore." I frowned in confusion, narrowing my eyes a little. She turned a little to face me, "I read somewhere awhile back that sometimes, prophets can't see other prophets. Something about their gift isn't compatible with the other, and it makes it almost impossible to see anything regarding the other."

"You're not just making that up?" I asked hesitantly, and she smiled wider, shaking her head. I instantly believed her.

"I'm not." She said, laughing a little. It was such a relief, I couldn't help laughing a little myself, sighing heavily and slouching a little, "You'll be just fine."

"Why all of a sudden, though?" I asked, looking forward again at the people passing by.

"It's not so sudden, Leandra." She answered, and again, I was confused, "I've always had some sort of trouble seeing you. That's why this makes sense."

"You have?" I asked, frowning a little. This was news to me.

"Do you really think I make than many mistakes all the time, Leandra?" She asked in return, "I first noticed it with Keith. I should have seen that coming a mile away, not inches. It's always been that way. Keith, then Jack. Ken? Every major event, I should have seen coming a mile away. Every time, it's been even closer of a call, and I couldn't understand why. Now I know." I didn't know what to say, and to be honest, I had just begun to feel even worse, so I let her continue explaining.

"With Keith, I only saw what he was doing after he started." She said, "That's when I called Carlisle again. Jack, the last night he was there, I caught the end of what he was doing. Running home as fast as we could, because I couldn't tell how long we had." She stood, and I followed as she started to walk, "Ken, it was even closer. I don't make mistakes like that. Not ever. I should have been able to stop you before any of it ever happened."

I stumbled a bit, thankful Alice caught me beside her. That was weird. Like my legs couldn't hold me there for a second. I laughed a little, trying to play it off as normal clumsiness. Both to them, and to myself. I was fine now, I reasoned. I'd just stood up too fast. Again.

"It's bothered her for awhile now." Jasper commented, studying me in concern again briefly, "We just didn't think it was necessary to bother you with asking, because we knew that you wouldn't have any more of an explanation than we did. When you first began showing the signs of your gift, it never occurred to us."

I knew they were telling me the truth. To be honest, it made me feel a whole lot better about my future being gone. Now, the only obstacle was just getting over this fever.

"You must have completely disappeared once you started having real visions." Alice explained further, "Before, it was spotty, now it's just gone."

"Okay." I sighed, "I feel much better."

"We'll still have to be careful." She said, "Without me being able to see you, it's going to be harder to keep track of you or what the consequences of your actions will be." I nodded in agreement, more than happy agreeing to be careful.

I sighed, stretching. Looking to the side, I saw another bench. I had to sit again.

"Sorry, guys." I mumbled, making my way over.

"Okay," Jasper mumbled firmly, "What else is wrong?" He and Alice both followed me closely, "This is more than just a high fever."

I sighed, turning to look at him before I made it to the bench. Unfortunately, too quickly. A split second of extreme dizziness followed closely by the floor coming quickly to meet me was all I remembered before darkness covered my eyes.

I woke briefly to being carried through the parking lot, and I remembered knowing it wasn't Alice that carried me, as her worried voice came from the side.

I remembered thinking it was the oddest thing, having Jasper hold me like that. He'd hardly had any physical contact with me at all the entire time I'd known him. Now here he was carrying me easily from the mall. My eyes opened briefly, and I watched the upside down parking lot move by.

That was it for my consciousness.

I opened my eyes next in Carlisle's office upstairs. Gasping quietly at the pain in my head. I watched dizzily as I was laid on the couch against the window across the room, the early evening daylight providing plenty of light to see by. I looked up at Jasper, Carlisle kneeling beside the couch now. My wrist in his hand.

"Dizziness, nausea, chills, high fever, racing pulse, low blood pressure?" Jasper asked, his eyes on Carlisle. I didn't have to ask how he knew about my blood pressure, "Fatigue? Ring any bells?"

Carlisle said nothing, but sighed heavily as he stood. Turning to a cabinet against the far wall, he was in a hurry now. Still a little out of it, I wished I could make myself stop trembling so much. Even my teeth chattered a little.

"Thank you, Jasper." Carlisle finally said, "You might not want to be in here for this." Jasper nodded, gave me a look and left. Closing the door behind himself on his way out.

"What's the big deal?" I murmured quietly, watching as Carlisle prepared my limp left arm to take blood.

"Leandra, when I told you to tell me if anything else came up, I meant it." He wasn't happy, "This is what I was looking for."

"I'll be fine in a day or two." I mumbled, watching the needle pierce my arm, "Just like always."

"If this is what I think it is, we can only hope you survive." He murmured, glancing up and meeting my eyes. He was worried. It had been awhile since I saw that much worry in his eyes, and that told me to be worried. The last time I saw that degree of worry in his eyes was the day I got shot.

"What is it?" I asked, already dreading the answer. He'd filled just one vial, and set it to the side. He didn't answer right away, helping me sit up slightly to take aspirin, and another pill. The fever reducer, but I wasn't familiar with the other thing. He helped me lay back down, which I appreciated. Sitting up was worse on my dizziness.

"I'll need to have this tested to confirm," He gestured to the vial of my blood, "But you'll be started on IV antibiotics as soon as I'm done taking blood." He said distractedly, "Are you familiar with sepsis?"

"No." I said, but it sure sounded horrible.

"The cold you had," He said, working quickly, "Wasn't just a cold. Right away, it was nearly pneumonia. An infection in your lungs that was very stubborn to treat. Just as I feared," He turned back to the cabinet, grabbing three bags filled with a clear fluid, "It didn't just clear up. It moved. It's in your blood now." That sounded bad, "An infection in the blood is very life threatening. It can lead to multiple organ failures, and eventually a very painful death." Very bad. I whimpered a little, knowing what had him so worried now.

I continued to lay there, wishing I had the strength to sit up. It was as if as I was unconscious, all my energy had been taken. Now I couldn't even sit up.

"Am I going to die?" I asked, realizing that I hadn't been so far off with my earlier predictions.

"No." He said, and even I doubted that one word. It was clear by the way he didn't offer any other reassurances that he didn't want to make any promises that he couldn't keep.

"Carlisle?" I asked, and he didn't look up from what he was doing.

"You'll be staying in here for the rest of the day." He said, "I don't want to risk moving you at all." I felt the fluid entering my vein as soon as it did, and I shivered harder at the feeling, "I need to know how bad it is." He asked many questions, which I answered honestly. Even the embarrassing ones. Including how many times I'd gone to the bathroom that day. I must have given the wrong answer, because he wasn't happy with the answer.

"Stay here." He told me firmly, "I don't want to come back and find you anywhere but on this couch. Am I clear?" Taking the blanket from the back of the couch, he wrapped it around me, being careful not to disturb the IV tube. I couldn't find the energy to wander even if I wanted to.

"Perfectly." I mumbled, nodding. He nodded as well, hugging me firmly, and pausing to grab the vial of blood he'd taken from me before he left the room.

I wished Jasper would let me feel scared, as I knew I had every right to be, but he didn't. He kept hold of that, making sure I couldn't feel much of anything. Aside from trembling.

I snoozed there on the couch, waking a little later to Carlisle's return. He seemed slightly relieved that I was still there, in the exact same position he'd left me in, but not by anything else. Since I couldn't go downstairs, the others had come upstairs to see me.

Esme closely followed him into the room, followed by Emmett and even Rosalie. I was surprised to see her there, given how uncomfortable we'd always been with each other. I slowly, shakily pushed myself to sit up, offering a small smile. I wanted to reassure them, and I didn't even know why.

"It's worse than I thought it was." Carlisle murmured, closing the door behind them, "But I'm hoping we managed to catch it in time to prevent any major lasting damage." I wasn't sure if he was talking to me, so I only looked down.

"Geez, shorty." Emmett sighed, coming to my right side, sitting gently beside me, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't know it was that important." I sniffled a little. Not sure why. I wasn't crying, but my nose still ran, "How long do I have to stay in here?"

"I would prefer to avoid moving you for at least tonight. In the morning, you can be moved to your room." Carlisle answered quietly, and I nodded. Tightening the blanket around me. I was getting colder the longer I sat there upright.

"Are you hungry, honey?" Esme asked, and just the thought of food had my stomach knot up with nausea. I shook my head tightly, closing my eyes as the movement made my head spin worse, "You haven't eaten all day. Or yesterday." She was right. Yesterday, I slept through breakfast, and skipped lunch. By dinner, I was too upset to eat. Now I was too sick to eat, which clearly worried them all.

I was offered some water, which I also turned away from. Until I finally gave in, and drank some, but the second it touched my stomach, it came right back up. Two sips of water, and I was puking seemingly non-stop. Effectively ridding my stomach of what was left of the pills I'd swallowed earlier.

They'd seen humans throw up before, but I still couldn't help being embarrassed. Emmett had been the one to hold my hair back for me, since he was closest.

I sat there for a moment, trying to breathe a little more normally. It amazed me, now, how very quickly a sickness like this could come on. How I could go from just fine, to _this_ in less than twenty-four hours. I was just fine yesterday. Perfectly fine. Now, I wasn't.

"Umm.." I murmured, lifting my head back up slowly, "If Jasper wants to do this emotion thing, I would do it now. Before I sleep again." I could already feel myself getting worse the longer I sat there. Whatever was in the bag wasn't working. Carlisle sighed, and he nodded. Letting me know that Jasper had already told him what he wanted to do.

"Can I stay?" Emmett requested, "I don't want to leave her."

"It couldn't hurt." Carlisle answered, turning to the door.

I watched as Jasper came in, followed by Alice, Bella and Edward. The room was having problems housing everyone in it, but nobody seemed to mind being smashed into a tiny room with me.

"There are only a few I want to ask you about, Leandra." Jasper murmured, pulling a chair closer to the couch, "It won't take long." I wasn't looking forward to this.

"One at a time?" I asked quietly, and Jasper nodded.

"One at a time." He confirmed, "Just relax." I glanced to Carlisle and Esme beside me, glad that they seemed to be intending to stay. I looked forward again, meeting Jasper's eyes and nodded. He nodded as well, and it was quiet for a second.

A second later, I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Keep looking at me, Leandra." Jasper requested, and I forced my crying eyes open. The emotion he'd given me was heartbreak, but it was more difficult to identify.

"Just tell me if it's vision related, or real life." He instructed again. I had to take a deep, shaky breath before I could answer.

"Real." I muttered, my breath shaking through a sob. He nodded, and abruptly, I was numbed again.

"That was good." Jasper nodded, and I sighed again, sniffling and wiping tears from my cheeks, "Are you ready for the next one?" I nodded. Though I wasn't.

This one wasn't the same as the last one, but in many ways, it was. It was heartbreak, once again, but this one was so much worse. It wasn't because someone said something that hurt my feelings. It was so much stronger, desperately aching.

My reaction was instant and undeniable.

Bursting into loud, painful sobs, I had to curl up. This wasn't just hearbreak. It was heartbreak, mixed with fear, and the unmistakable sense of loss. I hadn't caught that bit before.

"Vision." I managed to choke out almost silently. My breath was gone, just taken, like I'd been punched in the stomach. As soon as it'd started, the emotion was gone. Jasper was getting better at dealing with that emotion, but I continued to sob. It would take me a little while to stop, I realized, as it was my instinct to continue to cry after feeling that amount of pain all at once.

He patiently waited, letting the numbness do its job.

Once I'd calmed enough to sit there quietly, and open my eyes enough to look up at him, his eyes told me he understood as well as I did. This vision was about something that would impact me very painfully. If I lived that long.

The evening faded to night as we waited, everyone but Jasper and I silent. There were so many different ranges to emotions that I'd doubted before. There were so many stages of fear, and pain. It was amazing to realize, but I hated the way I had to figure it out.

"No more." I begged after only a few, unable to lift my forehead from my knees, "I think this is worse than feeling them all at once."

"Just one more." Jasper prompted, and I whimpered. His tone told me he was going to do this one whether I wanted him to or not, "This one is the most important one. It's needed, now more than ever."

It was even more silent in the room, if that was even possible. I didn't know how to describe the tension. Briefly, he looked to Carlisle. At Carlisle's nod, he looked to me again, and I took as deep a breath as I could. He'd saved the worst for last.

He gave me the anger I always carried around with me.

As I started to recognize it, my grip on my arms increased. My heart rate increased as well, more than it already was, and I knew that wasn't anything good. It wasn't too bad, as Carlisle only stood carefully, coming slowly closer. He didn't tell Jasper to stop, so it wasn't life threatening. Yet.

"Real." I mumbled, carefully quiet.

"I know." He said, "Leandra, I want to talk about this." I didn't know what he was doing, but I didn't want to feel that right then. I would take the pain, and the fear, but the hatred and the anger was too much for me right then.

"Take it back." I mumbled into my knees, keeping my eyes from his. Feeling absolutely nothing but the anger was a new feeling for me. No fear to soften it, no guilt to keep it from getting worse. No hidden hurt or sadness to blame it on. Nothing but anger, and it now found that it had plenty of room to get worse.

"This needs addressed." Jasper told me. I took deep breaths, my entire body tense once again.

"Jasper." I warned, finally looking up, "Take it back. You don't know what you're doing."

"I know." He countered, "There's a reason for this. This needs to be addressed, Leandra. Right now."

"There's a balance." I snapped at him, "And you're fucking with it."

"I understand this." He said, standing as I stood, "I've carried that for only one day, and it was very hard to believe that all of that was yours."

"Sit back down, Leandra." Carlisle finally spoke up, not liking the anger in my eyes. I stayed standing. Shakily, but I stood.

"Take it back!" I finally shouted, "Or give me the rest!"

"Not until you-"

"Now!"

"Jasper, she's right." Carlisle spoke in my defense this time, "You shouldn't leave her with just that. You understand that her temper is dangerously precarious at best."

"I understand." Jasper murmured, "I've been wanting to work with her on this for so long now. Too long."

"You shouldn't tease her like this." Esme commented, "Not while she's so sick."

"I'm not teasing her." Jasper muttered, watching me.

"Why are you pushing this now?" Emmett asked, surprised, "Jasper, it's not right."

"We might not have another chance." He replied, "I'm trying to test her." It was quiet now as I struggled to hold onto my control, but it wouldn't be held onto. I couldn't control it. He was adding to it. Giving me more anger than I'd ever had before. Slowly, but surely, adding fuel to the fire.

"You're trying to see what she'd be like as a newborn." Rosalie was shocked, "Are you _serious_?"

"This could be my last chance to test her, Rose." Jasper replied quietly, "If this gets any worse, we won't have another chance."

"Carlisle, are you really considering turning her now?" Rose demanded, "She's eleven."

"I'm aware of that." Carlisle murmured in response.

"That doesn't answer my question." Rose was upset now, "She's just a kid!"

"I won't just watch her die." Was all Carlisle told her in response, looking to her. It was silent, as I trembled where I stood. Jasper increased the anger yet again, and that was it.

"Remind me not to trust you again." I growled, glaring up at him, "If all you're going to do is piss me off for no fucking reason."

"You know that's not why I'm doing this, Leandra." He countered, watching as I turned angrily. Reaching for the IV stuck in my arm, I meant to tear it out so I could leave. Before I could, abruptly, every single bit of anger I had in me was gone. I froze where I stood, unsteady now.

I had to lean against the armrest of the couch, waiting for my heart rate to slow down a little. It was hurting now, my heart actually physically aching with how quickly it had been beating, and suddenly slowing down. It skipped quite a few beats as I stood there, fighting to take deep breaths.

"No more." Carlisle was putting an end to the session. He heard, as clearly as I felt, how weak my heart was getting from having to pound so quickly for so long.

"That's all I needed." Jasper murmured, sighing quietly.

It was quiet for a moment as I stood there, catching my breath. Waiting for my heartrate to slow. It stopped skipping beats, and as it slowed, I could breathe a bit easier. Not as easy as I would have liked, but it was better than where it had been a second ago.

"Every bit of your strength comes from that anger, Leandra." Jasper pointed out after a moment, "I see that. Without it, you don't know what to do with yourself."

I turned, looking to him, "Your anger is one I've seen so many times in newborns. It's what tells you to move away, to get away from whatever is angering you. It's only getting worse the older you get, and even if I do this everyday from now until the time you're turned, you'll never learn to get it under control. That anger and that hatred is always going to be a part of you."

I wasn't sure if I liked his tone, or where he was going with this. He'd been testing me. Slowly feeding me more anger until I couldn't stand it anymore. Why was he doing that? Why would he need to make me mad enough to see where my breaking point was?

"Leandra, what I'm saying is this." He sighed, glancing down briefly, before looking back up at me, "I don't recommend turning you. Not now, and until you can successfully learn how to control your anger, not ever."

**A/N: This turned completely around from where I intended to take it. Like the flip of a coin lol  
Like I mentioned on Facebook, a lot of people aren't going to be happy with me, and I can understand why, but I'll explain further next A/N.  
OMG, SEVEN reviews last chapter! I'm over the freaking moon.** **I'm always content with three or four, but this is SO completely awesome! Thank you guys! Seriously. I'm making you all cupcakes. Like.. Now.  
If this chapter seems a little rushed, that's because allergies have been kicking my butt so bad the last three days, which makes it a little difficult to concentrate. It bugs. It really does. :/  
I will be working on Twenty-One as much as I can over the next day or so, but I would expect a wait. Just to be on the safe-side, and to prevent disappointment. I hate disappointment. :(  
Until next chapter, guys! **


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

I was quiet, shocked really. I didn't know what to say to that. He looked to Carlisle, "I know you don't want to watch her suffer, and her dying is something none of us want to happen, but I really, really have to speak up about this."

He paused, glancing to me, "She may be old enough to get by the rule, but that's not to say we wouldn't get into trouble for it. She won't know how to control herself, and who's to say that she'll even want to? You've seen her temper, Carlisle, and you've seen how angry she gets until she's left alone. You know as well as I do that she won't be allowed to be left alone as a newborn. She'll need constant watching, and she'll need every single one of us around in case she loses it. She will lose it. I'm telling you that right now."

I felt every eye on me as I sat down fully on the couch. Wishing I could prove him wrong, but knowing I would never be able to. I was raised in hate. In anger. That's how I grew up, and it would take much longer to change it.

Jasper sighed, kneeling in front of me.

"Leandra, if you're filled with this much anger, and if you're this hard to control now, I can't imagine what you'll be like as a newborn. I'm worried that either one of us will wind up hurting you, or you'll wind up hurting us. There is that risk with any newborn, but there is an even greater risk with you. I can't see a way that you being turned will end well for anyone."

I stayed quiet, "If there was anyone not fit for being turned, it would be you. I'm sorry, Leandra. I really am, but I'm only thinking about the safety of everyone involved. Last night, I had a hard time with all the emotion I took from you. That has never happened before. If you were to be turned before you have a chance to work through that emotion, I won't be much help to you, and if it gets even stronger, I won't be much help at all."

Nobody moved. Jasper's knowledge of newborns was what made him say this, and I understood that. I didn't know what to say, as I knew he was right. I never asked to be the way I was, and now it was costing me my happiness. I closed my eyes, looking down. If I would have been able to feel anything but numbness, I would have cried.

"I'll keep track of your anger." He said after another moment of silence, "And the majority of your stronger emotions when I can, but when I'm gone, you'll be on your own. I'll see about timing our hunts while you sleep, to avoid too much stress on you, but I'll do my best to keep near you. For the rest of your life. If only to ease your suffering."

I looked down.

I didn't know how close I was to dying from this infection, but I knew that even if it did get worse, which it was doing as I sat there, I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of being saved. That was a very depressing feeling, but I knew he was right. There wasn't much I could say to try to argue, so I didn't.

"Just.." He sighed, knowing how much this was bothering me, "Focus on getting better. Please. Just get better so we can have a chance to work with you on your emotions. That's all you have to do."

They stayed. All of them. Aside from Bella and Rosalie, leaving to keep Ness company, but Seth replaced them. Jasper and Carlisle stood off to the side, talking heatedly. Probably about me, but their tension was quickly getting to me. It was Esme's job this time to hold me, considering she didn't wrap me up so completely. My fever had risen, my blood pressure dropping again.

Last I was told of how I was doing, my heart rate was staying at one-eighteen. Anything below ninety was normal. My temperature bounced back and forth between one-oh-two, and almost one-oh-four. Not quite, though. My blood pressure was eighty-seven over sixty-three. I didn't know what all of that meant, but I did know that my blood pressure dropping was why I passed out earlier.

It was far more serious than Carlisle was telling me, especially given how everyone refused to leave. This was just something I was trying hard to fight, but I was losing. Esme held me tightly, even as I shivered. Smoothing my hair from my forehead soothingly.

In short, I was miserable.

Emmett stayed beside me, though. Not willing to leave my side. He held my hand, his eyes never leaving me as his thumb rubbed circles over my fingers. If I hadn't known before, I knew now by the look in his eyes. By the look in everyone's eyes.

I was dying, and this time, there wasn't anything anyone could do. I couldn't fight off someone trying to take my life. There was no hole to put pressure on, trying to hold my life in place. There was no water to raise my head above. The war was all internal, and there wasn't anything that could be done that wasn't already being done.

I was being given fluids, and the strongest IV antibiotics Carlisle had, yet it was doing nothing for me. The strongest blood pressure medication Carlisle had, yet it was doing nothing for me. Esme was no longer able to bring my temperature down, so the solution Carlisle had moved for was ice bags. Under my arms and behind my knees. That only brought me down to one-oh-one, before I complained about the pain of my fever working through the ice trying to cool it off, and returning to a toasty one-oh-four point two. That was a last ditch effort.

The antibiotics were doing nothing for me, the blood pressure medication no longer could do anything for me since I threw it up. I couldn't take any more, as any opportunity, I threw up, and Carlisle didn't want to leave me again. My temperature wouldn't fall anymore, and I was getting more tired by the second. Again, I was conscious enough to be amazed at how quickly something like this could steal my health.

My heart rate increased, one-thirty-seven beats per minute, and my blood pressure dropped again to eighty-over-fifty seven. That was all I was conscious for at the time.

I only started to come around a little while later.

"I'm telling you that it's not fair." Rosalie was back in the room, "You might have convinced Jasper, but I'm not going to agree with this."

"Would you rather her die?" Alice asked in return.

"She's just a kid, Alice." Rosalie replied, "What kind of life would she have? She'd be eleven years old for the rest of her life. That's not fair to do to someone, and you know it. It's hard enough being stuck at eighteen, but eleven? I'm sorry, I really am, but letting her die would be much more humane than putting her through that."

"She has until morning." Carlisle reminded her, "If she even manages to hold on that long. You know the other's votes, Rosalie. I'll be the first one to tell you that your opinion is valid, and it's true, but you also have to see our point of view."

"Humans die every day, Carlisle." Rosalie pointed out, "What makes her so different?"

"Because she's a part of this family." He explained, "She means just as much to us as you do."

"I'm not denying that." Rose said, "Yes, the little runt means the world, but honestly, Carlisle. I can't see how turning her right now, at her age, would make her any better off."

"You know we'd all rather wait, babe." Emmett muttered, "But she doesn't have that option right now." It was quiet for a second, for quite awhile, until I heard the unmistakable sound of Rosalie's sigh of defeat.

"I don't like it." Rosalie grumbled, and I listened to her leaving the room. I opened my eyes then, looking toward the group by the door. I was in my room now, and the crowd had followed. Emmett was the first one to see me, coming over instantly. Carlisle and Esme followed closely, Alice and Jasper deciding to stay back.

"Hi, shorty." Emmett smiled extremely sadly, kneeling beside the bed, "Feeling any better?" I shook my head a little, closing my tired eyes briefly. I didn't even have the energy to return his smile. I felt the bed dip beside me, my wrist taken, and my pulse was checked. Probably along with my blood pressure.

"I'm so tired." I mumbled, "Like I can't even move." I opened my eyes again, and looked up at Carlisle sitting there. The look in his eyes told me I wasn't going to survive this, "H-How bad?" I had to know. Even as I struggled for breath around a rapid heart rate, I still needed to hope. Even despite the fact that each breath I took in was already a chore, each breath I took in wanted to make me throw up, and each breath didn't bring me the relief I usually felt, I needed to hope. I felt like I was suffocating. Laying there, feeling like I was drowning all over again, I was undeniably scared.

"It's bad." Emmett mumbled, looking down. Carlisle seemed as if he didn't immediately want to answer.

"How bad?" I asked again, hoping my voice made a sound. That was all I could do.

"You've been unconscious for three hours." He finally told me, "During those three hours, your liver and your kidneys began shutting down. I confirmed that, through a blood test, they've been on their way for a few hours now. It won't be long until your heart does as well. The severe drop in blood pressure, before your heart gives up, will put you into a coma that you won't come out of." I was stunned.

"No." I mumbled after a minute, closing my eyes for a few seconds, "It can't be that bad. I was just fine yesterday. It can't."

"I'm sorry, Leandra." He was telling me that there was nothing more he could do for me. There was, but I didn't know if he was willing to do that just to keep me around. I suddenly found myself able to cry again. Jasper had given me back just enough of my emotion that I could close my eyes, and cry.

"I'm not ready to die yet, Carlisle." I cried breathlessly, looking back up at him, "I know I say it all the time, and I know I shouldn't be afraid, but I am." I clearly saw the indecision in his eyes, how much he wanted to help me, but also knowing what it would mean.

"I know." He murmured quietly, sitting me up and pulling me to him in a hug. I sobbed twice, knowing that as soon as he let me go, I wouldn't have the energy to stay sitting up on my own. Sitting up, moving my head, even moving my fingers felt like too much work. I was so scared. So afraid, despite how Jasper helped me.

"Can you stay?" I asked, my voice breaking quietly with the fear, "Just until I fall asleep. Please." He closed his eyes briefly, and I saw the sadness cross his features.

"I'm not going anywhere." He told me, "I promise."

The lump in my throat grew bigger, and I felt my breath catch on it. Knowing that as soon as I fell asleep, I most likely wouldn't be waking back up. I would never see anyone again. I struggled for a breath briefly, knowing that had nothing to do with my emotion. I was scared now, feeling clearly the way my heart skipped a few beats.

"Don't let me go." I mumbled, opening my eyes again and looking up at him through the tears, "Trust me. I'll know."

He held me more securely in response, hugging me into his side. I'd heard about people saying their goodbyes before someone died, but somehow this seemed so different. I was so unwilling to say that word, that I didn't know how to make myself actually utter it. I didn't want to die, so it seemed impossible that I was about to.

I thought about what would be next. Not for me, but for the family. Someone would have to let my dad and his family know. They'd have to tell him that they did everything they could for me, but the bottom line would always be that it was my stubborn nature and stupidity that killed me. They'd tell him that if I'd only said something sooner, I might still be alive.

Then there was Andrew, Josh, and Zack. I knew they would be okay. After awhile, they'd only think of me every once in awhile.

They'd probably have a funeral. To give all of those that knew me their chance to say goodbye. To mutter to themselves how big of a shame it was. How I was too young, and still had so much life ahead of me. They would think to themselves, wondering what I would have been like when I grew up.

They wouldn't even know about the deathtoll that followed me everywhere. My mom and Keith. Jack, and finally Ken. All four of them were dead because of me. Nobody would know that.

My breath caught again, and I jerked awake. I hadn't even realized I was falling asleep. Just like that, I'd been getting ready to die, and I hadn't even known it. I was forcing myself to stay alive, because I was afraid. I hadn't even had a chance to figure out my gift. I would have to trust Alice to keep them safe.

I glanced to her now, Jasper beside her.

I was suddenly more focused on the way I could only take in a breath every few seconds, and even then, it felt like my lungs were only half working. Giving up now, before I was ready for them to. It was a scary realization.

"Don't let me go." I finally cried, somehow having the energy to sob again, "I don't care if I have to stay eleven for the rest of my life. I don't care." Every few words, I had to pause to gasp another breath, and I knew they all knew how hard this was on me, "Don't let me go."

My eyes were getting heavy now, even as I cried. I decided that I could just rest my eyes for a second. Just a second couldn't hurt. My eyes closed, and the tickling sensation of my tears slowly trailing down my cheeks faded.

Even though I was unconscious, I was aware that I felt like I was being burned alive. Like a part of my mind was still awake, though the rest of me wasn't. I didn't know what that was supposed to mean, or if dying was supposed to hurt that much, but the burning was something I couldn't help holding onto. Until that faded, too.

That was the last thing I remembered.

I opened my eyes, though, a split second later. Gasping quietly, as I gazed around my bedroom dizzily. Looking at myself, I still felt very much alive. Uncomfortable, but alive. I was alone, and it took me a moment to realize that all of that had just been a dream.

A vision.

Looking to the clock, it was just before ten in the morning, when in the dream, it had to have been passed nightfall. I remembered how weak I'd been, and the fact that I could move at all told me I was being given a chance to change it. To not let it get that bad.

Doing inventory, I felt too warm, and a little nauseous, but I could still move. I could still breathe, and my head only spun a little, I saw that I was back to that morning. The morning my fever came back. Despite the fever, and the heavy confusion I had, my heart pounded just a little quicker than I remembered it as I flung the blanket off me frantically.

"Carlisle!" I called as loud as I could, walking quickly from my room. I made it to the bottom of the stairs before he was suddenly beside me, pulling me to a stop.

"Easy." He told me firmly, "Calm down. What is it?" I looked up at him, meeting his eyes briefly, spluttering a bit as I struggled to force myself to say something. I panted for breath, before I started to cry. Hugging him tightly, I could only cry harder. He honestly seemed worried now.

"What's wrong now?" Alice stepped down the stairs, Jasper following, and they both paused as we blocked the way into the living room.

"I get a second chance." I gasped, smiling a little as I pulled back, "I don't have to die." Her eyes widened a little, and she looked to Jasper.

"What do you mean, Leandra?" Carlisle asked, and I looked back up at him. He felt my forehead, frowning deeply, "Your fever-"

"It's back." I panted quietly, nodding, "You have to take me to the hospital. You can't help me here." His eyes grew more concerned, if possible, "Last time, I lied about it. I said I was fine when I'm really not."

"You saw." Alice smiled a little, and I glanced to her.

"A full vision. A-At least, I think. Not about the same thing, though." I admitted, "But that's not the point right now." I looked back up at Carlisle, "You didn't know how bad it was before, and said if you'd just had a few hours of notice before, I'd have lived. You said.." I frowned, trying to catch my breath and trying to remember the name of it, "T-That it was some kind of infection in my blood."

"Sepsis?" He asked, surprised.

"That." I nodded, "You said it was caused by the cough I had, not going away, but moving to my blood. Getting stronger, and getting worse. That's why my fever is back. That's why my heart is pounding way too fast, and that's why I'm so dizzy. You said something about how.. The physical stress of last night was harder on me than you thought. It only gets worse the longer we wait, so we have to go now." He took my wrist, finding my pulse. I cooperated, knowing he was checking my heart rate and blood pressure. He frowned after a minute, "What's my blood pressure?"

He didn't answer, but I knew he saw what I was talking about. He lifted me, "I think you're right."

"I know I'm right." I mumbled as he made his way toward the garage. Alice and Jasper, thankfully, followed us. He would keep my emotions with him.

"How low did it get?" He was curious now.

"The last time you told me what it was," I said, "It was low. Eighty over fifty-seven."

"What time, if you can remember, did it get that low?" He placed me in the car, and sped around the other side quickly. Jasper and Alice climbed into the back. I knew Jasper would find some way to hold onto my emotions though he probably couldn't be right next to me. I trusted him, glancing back and giving him a grateful smile.

"Today. I don't remember what time exactly." I answered as Carlisle started the car, "This evening sometime, so we still have time." He was quiet now as he left the garage, "It happened _so_ fast. One second, I was just a little dizzy, the next, I'm dying. I remember being so surprised at how fast something like that could kill me."

I was quiet now too as I thought hard about the vision, and what it gave me the chance to do. I could live. I smiled out the window, only feeling slightly dizzy now. It was nothing compared to how horrible I felt later.

"A blood test will confirm it." I explained, looking to Carlisle, "It doesn't take you long. Instead of making me take an antibiotic pill, start on the IV antibiotics right away, and the fluids. The pill antibiotics will somehow make it harder for the IV antibiotics to work."

He was listening closely, knowing as I did that there was no way I should have had this much information by myself, "I'll need medication to control my blood pressure until the antibiotics have a chance to work. Otherwise, it gets too low, and I pass out." He continued listening, "It's after I pass out the first time that things start going wrong. If it gets as bad as before, I'm going to be cold, but my temperature will be way too high for me to be cold. It gets over one-oh-four, but ice bags won't work. That'll only bring it down to one-oh-one before my temperature goes back up to one-oh-four point nine, so you'll have to figure something else out." I paused, "Hopefully, it won't get that bad. I'm really hoping it doesn't, because.." I trailed off, biting my lip.

"Because?" He prompted quietly. I glanced to Jasper, who sat listening closely beside Alice. I looked to Carlisle again, sighing.

"Because Jasper thinks I'm too much of a risk to be turned." I answered, and Carlisle looked to me briefly, surprised, "He says that because of my anger, and how easily I lose my temper, it scares him. He's already having a hard time handling it, and he thinks that I'll be even worse as a newborn. Rosalie is against it, but that's only because of how young I am." I paused, my tone softening, "I didn't hear anyone else's vote, but I know how hard it was on you to see me like that."

As it turned out, we'd caught it with plenty of time to spare. I was admitted, and Carlisle promised to stay with me the entire time, though he couldn't be the one to treat me. The hospital was stocked with much stronger IV antibiotics than Carlisle had on hand to begin with, and something he hadn't had in time. IV blood pressure medication. That was the key, and I knew that. That kept my blood pressure from dropping low enough to make me fall unconscious without risking me throwing up.

Though I still felt the nausea and the fever, I was very well taken care of there. Because we managed to catch it before it gave me the worst of the symptoms, they kept me from experiencing them. I was kept very well hydrated, and because of my pure cooperation, I was released two days later with no lasting damage.

I was starving by the time I got home, surviving on nothing but small portioned hospital food for the last two days. And the first day, I turned down most of it. Too nauseous to even try eating it.

I wasn't exactly good as new, but I was getting there.

Something I'd avoided facing my entire time in the hospital, was the vision. The incomplete one stuck in my head that tried to push forward at the most inopportune times. Even with eyes on me. Jasper and Alice somehow managed to sit with me, without being told to leave, for the entire two days. They kept me company, and kept me from being too bored, and at my request, they kept me from falling asleep.

So as well as hungry, I was exhausted.

"You should rest, sweetheart." Esme sat beside me on the couch.

"Resting almost killed me last time." I reminded her quietly, smiling a little. She sighed, reaching up and tucking my hair behind my ear. She smiled a bit as well.

"I'm so glad your temperature is back to normal." She commented, "You had all of us so worried."

"I'm never going swimming again." I mumbled, laying back against the back of the couch, "Ever."

"You might when you're older." She laughed a little, and I sighed. My smile faded, and I looked down at my hands.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, looking to her.

"Anything, honey." She replied, giving me her full attention.

"Do you think.." I paused, "Well.. Okay, two things." She waited, "In the vision I had.. The one where I almost died.. It was talked a lot about turning me. I guess I'm just looking for proof that it was real. Besides the obvious, I mean. Is there.. Is there actually a _rule_ about turning humans my age?" I instantly noticed her discomfort by the way she looked down, "I'm only asking, because it was mentioned. I get Jasper's reasons for not trusting my emotions as a newborn, but if there was actually a rule about it, that would be a whole different thing." I waited for a few seconds, "Is there?"

She seemed to have trouble coming up with the right answer.

"My other question is.." I thought I'd make it a little easier on her, "Would you agree?" I paused, watching her, "With Jasper, I mean. About my emotions. I have to talk to him about that, but I want your opinion on it."

"Let me start by answering your second question first." She replied, and I nodded, "Right now, you're at an age where everything is a big deal." I frowned a little in confusion, "What I mean, is naturally, you feel more emotion than most humans older or younger than you do."

"Hormones?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Yes." She answered, "But you're such a.. Unique case, because on top of that, you have so much emotion built up through things that happened to you, and I think we're just beginning to see the very start of it. That worries Jasper."

"Because he has trouble dealing with everything I feel at once." This wasn't a question.

"Right." She nodded again, "You feel that by displaying your unhappiness through shouting the way you do is the only way for us to understand you. I've talked extensively to Carlisle about this, because it bothers me to think that you consider yourself unheard." She paused, "Before I get too lost on that subject, let me answer your question. No. I don't agree with Jasper. Your emotions are just a part of you that we should never try to change. I feel that with enough time, and enough support, you'll move passed these emotions on your own. Even as a newborn."

"So you don't think I'm unfit to be turned?" I asked, smiling a little.

"Not at all." She said, "Jasper.." She sighed, trying to think, "He forgets that vampires have a way of supporting themselves. A higher threshold for emotions, just as we develop a higher threshold for thoughts." That made sense. I nodded, letting her know I understood.

"And for the first question?" I asked hesitantly.

She looked down again, studying her hands folded in her lap.

"Yes." She answered, "But let me explain. The rule is never to turn a child."

"Why not?" I asked before she could continue.

"As a young child, tantrums are something normal." She said, "Just a form of expressing themselves." I nodded, listening closer, "When a young child is turned, they don't grow. They don't learn, and they can't be taught. They don't outgrow those tantrums. They're stuck at the age they were turned, never growing a minute older." I was starting to see now, "As far as I know, and I won't pretend to know very much about this subject, that rule only applies to very young children. Ones who haven't had a chance to learn the difference between right and wrong."

"What about me?"

"As I said before, you're a very unique case." She answered, reaching over and taking my hand, "Honey, it's still a problem how many important things you missed growing up. Important coping skills that you've yet to learn." I didn't see where she was going with this, "You never had a chance to learn how tantrums rarely get your way. Hence, Jasper's trepidation regarding your emotions. You feel things so much stronger, so much more intensely because you never learned how to handle situations that go wrong."

"So wait.." I mumbled, frowning, "You're saying I'm not where I should be?"

"Not entirely, but you could say that." She allowed, "What I'm saying is that because you were never allowed to learn the way most young children learn, it's set you back quite a few years." I looked down, "But." I looked back up, "I still don't agree with Jasper. You're old enough that you _can_ continue to learn. You're not young enough for us to worry about your development freezing."

"Okay.." I sighed, trying to understand, "So.. You don't agree that I'd be too unruly as a newborn, because I'm too old for that rule to apply?"

"Yes." She smiled, and I nodded again, "But it'd still be frowned upon to turn you so young. Before you've had a chance to physically grow a little bit."

"Would that be a problem?" I asked, "I wouldn't mind staying small."

"Maybe not right now." She said, "But.." She hesitated, obviously unsure how to explain. She sighed, giving me a small smile, "It's complicated."

"And probably hard to explain in a way I would understand right now." I mumbled and her smile softened. Sighing, she pulled me into her side, her arm around my shoulders.

I fought sleep for as long as I could. Sitting upright on the couch, only Emmett and Esme to keep me company. I knew Jasper was still around somewhere, because I wasn't a sobbing mess.

I watched TV almost numbly, blinking more often than I should as my eyes felt dry. Tired.

"So, shorty." Emmett wanted to talk, so I looked to him, "What did we learn?"

"Huh?" I asked, frowning.

"Don't be so stubborn." He poked the side of my head with each word and syllable, "If you'd just stayed in bed from the beginning, it wouldn't have gotten that bad."

"Yeah, yeah." I mumbled, looking to the TV again.

"I am glad you're feeling better, though." He said, "Just don't be so stubborn." He poked me again with each word, and I reached up, swatting at his hand until I caught it.

"Quit poking me." I laughed a little. Despite how tired I was, I was really feeling better. It was impossible to stay tiredly numb while Emmett was around. Not unless I was sick, or recovering from a dream I'd had the night before.

"Then don't be so stubborn." He repeated, poking his finger into my face. Close enough to tempt me. I bit his finger, "Oh we're getting back to that?" He captured my hand, and brought it to his mouth, biting onto my finger. Not hard enough to break skin, but I struggled.

"Ow, ow, ow!" I tugged at my wrist, about to start kicking.

"Not so fun is it?" He asked, letting me go.

"Ow." I whimpered, pouting at him. He knew for a fact he hadn't seriously hurt me. Especially by the way I couldn't help laughing a little. He captured my hand again, and I slapped him with my other. Not hard enough to hurt myself, but hard enough to make the sound echo through the room.

"Stop biting me." I pointed my finger at him the way he'd done. He looked between my finger and my eyes, until he quickly captured me and started tickling me. It had been awhile since either of us felt up to playing like this. I'd missed it. It was almost like things were back to normal.

I hadn't laughed like that in a long while, kicking and squirming.

"So." He mumbled, my bare foot against his face as I hung halfway off the couch, "I'm actually wondering how long it's going to take you to realize that Jasper isn't here."

"What?" I asked, pulling my foot away, "He's not?" That bothered me.

"Nope." He captured my ankle, pulling me back up onto the couch, "And you're doing just fine."

I was suddenly far from playful.

"Where did he go?" I asked, sitting up, "He's coming back, right?"

"He's coming back." Emmett told me, "Easy, shorty."

"Tell him to come back." I whined, "I don't like him being gone."

"You were just fine a minute ago before you knew he was even gone." He reasoned, "Come on."

I shook my head, turning around on the couch, ready to stand.

"Uh-uh." Emmett caught me and pulled me back into his side, "Look. I'll distract you again."

"It won't work." I mumbled, looking up at him.

"Yes it will." He paused, "Here. How about a game?" I frowned a little, confused. Here I was, left to my own emotions again, and he wanted to play a game. I was nervous again. Very nervous.

"What kind of game?" I asked, "I'm not any good at games. You know that."

"This one is easy." He said, "Have you ever played truth or dare?" It didn't even sound familiar.

"Uh.." I frowned, "No. Should I have?"

"I'm a little relieved, to be honest." He admitted, "Okay. Here's how we play." He frowned, looking around, "We need more people. It's hardly any fun with just two of us."

"Just teach me, then we can play with other people." I suggested, turning on the couch to face him, sitting cross-legged, "I hate looking stupid."

"Sounds good." He said, "Okay, all it is, is exactly what the name says it is."

"Truth or dare?" I asked, sighing.

"Yep." He said, "I ask you, 'Truth or Dare' and you have to pick one. If it's truth, I ask you something you have to answer truthfully. If it's dare, I dare you to do something that you have to do. After you answer, or do whatever the dare is, then you can take your turn."

"Sounds easy enough." I nodded a little, "And what if I don't want to answer, or do the dare?"

"Then I win." He grinned, "And I can hold it over your head for the rest of your life."

"That doesn't sound fun." I glared a little.

"Come on." He said, "You want to play? It'll be fun." I sighed, biting my lip a little.

"Okay. Sure." I finally said, and he smiled, "You go first."

"Okay." He smiled, "Truth or dare, shorty?"

"Dare." I said, and he frowned. Thinking, he looked around the room.

"I dare you to.. Go stand on your head." I laughed a little, shrugging as I stood up. I'd never tried to do that, but it was worth a try. It turned out, I was pretty good at it. I could only stay up for a few seconds at a time, much to his amusement, but I still managed to do it.

"Good enough, shorty." He finally called, and I rolled over, "Come on back." I climbed back up onto the couch, laughing at how suckish that really was, "Your turn."

"Truth or dare?" I asked, sitting better on the couch.

"Dare." He replied, and I frowned in thought this time. Was there anything I could dare him to do that he wouldn't be able to do? Nothing mean, or gross. This was harder than I thought it would be.

"I can't think of anything." I laughed, "You go stand on your head."

"For future reference," He said, standing, "You can't repeat a dare." I nodded, and he moved to the same spot I chose. As I'd predicted, it was easier for him. It was pretty funny, though, and pretty entertaining to see him upside down like that. Even Esme laughed quietly, shaking her head into her book.

"Okay." I said, "It's not my fault your head is flat." He huffed, climbing back to his feet.

"Truth or dare?" He asked me, sitting back down on the couch. I sighed.

"Truth." I said, and he pretended to think. I got a little nervous, hoping he didn't ask anything too personal.

"Tell me." He finally said, "What you like best about yourself, and what you hate most about yourself." That was a surprise. Not too personal, but it was something I hadn't expected from him.

"The very most?" I asked, and he nodded, "Well, the thing I like most about myself is.. Sort of a tie. Is that okay?"

"Yeah." He replied, "That's fine."

"Either my eye color, or my nose." He smiled, finding that answer amusing.

"Your nose?"

"Yeah," I said, "It's not too little, or too big."

"It is a pretty cute nose." He allowed with a nod.

"And.." My smile faded a little, "What I hate most.." I looked down at my hands briefly, before looking back up at him, "Everything else." He seemed surprised.

"The very most?"

"Yeah." I said, "I hate everything else about myself."

"If you had to choose." He specified, not liking that answer very much.

"If I had to choose one thing." I sighed, biting my lip briefly as I thought, "My emotions."

"Aw, shorty." He smiled a little, "You'll get it."

"I know I will." I shrugged a little, "And hopefully, when I do, I can hate myself a little less. Truth or dare?"

"Dare." He said, and I sighed. Back where I started.

"Do a hundred push-ups." I said, and he laughed.

"Seriously?" He asked, standing.

"I'm really not that creative." I rolled my eyes, watching as he did it.

"Next time, try a thousand."

"Then I'd be sitting here, having to count each one to make sure you did it right." I countered, and he laughed, allowing that.

The game lasted a lot longer than I expected it to, and just as he said I would be, I was sufficiently distracted.

"Truth or dare?" Emmett asked sometime after ten o'clock that night.

I was still out of breath from my last dare, running the stairs two at a time as quickly as I could without falling , so I went with the answer that would let me sit for at least a minute. I was a little nervous at the personal turn his questions had taken, so I was a little on edge.

"Truth." I answered.

"If you had to choose someone to be your boyfriend when you're older," Emmett said, and I sighed, shaking my head, "Who would it be and why?"

"You already asked that." I said, "And I told you then-"

"I did not." He corrected, "I asked who, out of the three of your friends, did you like best, and you barely answered that one."

"That's the same thing."

"That isn't the same thing." He argued, smiling. He was right, of course. It wasn't the same thing, and he knew it.

"You're not making this very easy on me." I pointed out, and he laughed.

"I know." He said, "That's the point of the game, shorty. Which one?"

"None of them." I replied, "My turn."

"Nope." He laughed, "I asked if you had to choose."

"That's not fair." I argued.

"Come on." He said, "It doesn't even have to be out of the three of them. It could be anybody. Someone you know. Who would you want to be your boyfriend? When you're older, of course. You're way too young now. Remember that."

"I don't know that many people." I whined, laying back on the couch. I rubbed my eyes tiredly.

"Do I smell defeat?" He asked, and I stuck both of my feet in his face.

"Da-Feet." I laughed, looking at him, and for once, I got him to laugh without screwing up or hurting myself, "But no. I'll answer. Just let me think." I put my feet back on the couch, biting my lip in thought.

"And remember." He said, "You have to say why."

"Why." I stated, and again, he laughed.

"You're turning into quite the smart ass." He pointed out, "I've never been more proud."

"Okay." I said, propping myself up on my elbows, "I'd probably choose Josh."

"And why would you do that?" He asked interestedly, "Even knowing who he's related to?"

"Well.." I sighed, "Who he's related to, I hope, has nothing to do with who he is. Jack didn't raise him. From what Josh told me, he never really influenced them growing up. Jack was just someone who came by now and then, and spoiled the shit out of them."

"Leandra." Esme corrected calmly from her book.

"Sorry." I mumbled, "What I mean is, Josh is nothing like Jack. Neither is Zack. It's not their fault who their uncle was. Why blame them?"

"Good point." Emmett nodded.

"Hell, I'm more like Jack than they are."

"Leandra." Esme corrected again.

"Sorry." I sighed again, "And I like Josh."

"Why?" Emmett asked, still interested.

"He's.. Never really depressed." I had to think for a second, "He never lets anything bother him. Andrew over-thinks. He always has. Maybe that's why we always got along so good. Josh just goes with it. Whatever it is. Andrew is more of the kind that needs someone to be strong for him. Always in the background, like me. Josh is the kind that already is strong, and will be strong for anyone who needs him to be. Does that make sense?"

"That was a very thorough explanation." He pointed out, surprised.

"I've been thinking about them a lot." I admitted, shrugging a little.

"And that bit about Andrew is true, you know." He said, "About how you both always got along so well, because you both always used to over-think."

"I don't know why we don't anymore." I mumbled, picking at the cushion.

"Because you don't over-think anymore." He answered, and I looked up, "At least, you haven't for awhile."

"So.." I murmured, sitting up, "It _was_ me that changed."

"You tell me, shorty." He said with a slight shrug, "No one knows you better than you."

"Wrong." I corrected, "Carlisle knows me better than I do. He always has."

"He's just good at reading people." Emmett chuckled, watching me sit up, "But I think that's changing."

"Me too." I admitted, glancing up at him.

"You're becoming more complicated, but that doesn't mean he won't try to understand. You know him better than that."

"I know." I sighed, rubbing my eyes again. A yawn shook me slightly, and I'd realized how tired this game had gotten me. More than I was before.

"Okay." Emmett said, catching on, "Game's on pause until you get some sleep, shorty."

"Aw, but I'm not tired." I lied, and he laughed. Standing, he lifted me and slung me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing, "Good night, Esme." I called, knowing I wasn't getting out of it.

"Good night, honey." She called in return, "Sleep well." Fat chance.

It didn't take me long to fall asleep. Curled up on my right side, cuddling the blanket tight under my chin. I knew what would happen the moment I really fell asleep, but I needed some kind of rest so badly. I couldn't help but eagerly reach for sleep.

Thankfully, my mind seemed to be willing to cooperate. At least for a few hours, I was allowed to sleep. When I did start to dream, for once it wasn't bad. This one was more of a compilation of everything I'd talked about, or thought about, at some point during the last couple of months. The non-horrible stuff. The stuff that usually took last place to the nightmares or the blackness of the vision I'd been trying to have. I dreamed about my old house. The trailer in Sappho, but I was there alone. I was there alone, but I wasn't scared.

It was a weird dream, but it wasn't a bad one. There was a lot of my three friends in there, and a whole lot of my family. A lot of my dad, and his family. Not a glimpse of Ken, or Jack, or anything about the blackness. Just everything else. It had built up, and seeing it now truly made me start to realize how lucky I was, because there was way more good stuff in this dream than the selected scenes my nightmares would show me.

I woke up, though, feeling lonely. I woke up alone, feeling a little warm from too much deep sleep, but my fever wasn't back. Bringing the blanket back, I noticed it was just passed four in the morning.

Each step I took to the door, I felt less lonely. My bare feet only squishing the carpet a little, carrying me closer to where I wanted to be. I knew why I felt less lonely. I was sad, but I knew the moment I opened the door, I could see those I loved most.

I stepped up the hall, pausing in the living room doorway, and waiting. Emmett looked my way from his spot on the couch, Carlisle on the other end doing so as well.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked worriedly, and I nodded a little. I was okay. Just lonely. Emmett studied me a little, before sighing and chuckling quietly. He knew what it was I'd come out there for.

"Alright, shorty." He said, patting the empty middle cushion on the couch and I smiled, letting myself move closer. Carlisle was relieved now, smiling with a slight shake of his head. I sat on the cushion closest to Emmett for now, and he threw his arm around me briefly, pulling me over until he could kiss the top of my head.

He'd never done that before, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it now.

Sleeping on the couch wasn't a requirement. I didn't _have_ to do it. Not like before, but it was different now. I was different. I knew I couldn't do this for very much longer, so I wanted the comfort for as long as I could grab it.

I caught myself in a yawn as I laid down, curled into a ball on the middle cushion of the couch. This time, my head was closest to Carlisle. Usually it was my feet in his direction, but this was easiest for me.

Knowing they were still willing to let me do this made me feel better. Just knowing I could still do this, until I outgrew it, was enough for me.

"I still want to be turned someday." I mumbled, "Just because I know how it feels doesn't make me change my mind."

"Wait, what?" Emmett reached over, and pulled me upright by my hand.

"That vision.." I admitted, "The one that saved me this time.. It didn't just stop suddenly. I know Carlisle would have turned me, no matter what you all said. Alice wasn't lying when she said that I'd feel everything like it was really happening." I watched Emmett's surprised eyes look to Carlisle, and Esme in the chair beside the couch.

"It hurts." I admitted when nobody said anything, "A _lot_. Like nothing I've ever felt before, but I knew what it meant. So that made it okay." It was quiet for another minute.

"Like we'd let you die." Emmett snorted finally, poking the end of my nose. I gave a little snap, trying to catch his finger, and he chuckled, "Get some sleep, shorty." I looked up at him, smiling a little. I laid back down onto my side, closing my eyes in another yawn.

I opened my eyes briefly to a blanket being laid over me, looking up at Esme now, but that was it. Laying here like this, with those three members of my family, was enough to let me sleep dreamlessly this time.

**A/N: I'm sneaky like that. I'm still thinking about what I want to do with the ending, but have no fear. I will make it awesome.  
To answer a question a recent reviewer asked: I've set up an author's facebook page. To give updates and whatnot about what's going on with the chapter I'm on/story in general. Feel free to look it over. (:  
THANK YOU to my AMAZING, FANTASTIC, AWESOME reviewers! Love you guys!  
Sorry, this A/N isn't going to be long. I'm pretty tired.  
Until Twenty-Two, guys! (:**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

"Nothing yet." I mumbled, passing Alice in the hall on my way into the living room the next afternoon.

"Leandra." She called, and I paused, looking back at her, "Think you'll be up to shopping this weekend? I just know how you need to replenish your wardrobe after donating so much that didn't fit today."

I bit my lip, thinking.

"Sure." I said, and she smiled, "I'll go. Sounds like fun."

I returned her smile, nodding and continuing on. Edward was at his piano, and I didn't want to miss it.

"Oh." I said, turning around again, calling her attention, "We didn't get a chance to talk much yet. I keep thinking we already had this conversation. I can tell you why my future disappeared."

"Why is that?" She asked, adjusting the vase in her hands.

"You can't see me anymore." I answered, and she seemed surprised at first, before she smiled, "You explained it all in the vision. How you've always had trouble seeing me. Now you can't at all. That's all it is. You said something about how prophets sometimes have trouble seeing each other? I don't know why."

"So wait.." She paused, frowning a little, "I can't see you, but apparently, you can still see me?"

"I guess so." I replied, "I don't know any more than you do."

"We'll talk more about it this weekend." She offered, "I'd like a chance to think about it." I smiled, nodding.

I continued on into the living room, giving Jasper a small smile as I passed him. He returned it slightly, watching as I sat next to Carlisle.

"You're nervous." Jasper pointed out, not looking up from his book. I glanced over at him, forcing a small smile.

"I know." I mumbled, "It just never stops. I keep expecting something to jump out and kill me at any second."

"That's rough." Emmett commented from the side.

"It's true." I laid back against the couch with a heavy sigh, "I'm just destined to be paranoid."

"Haven't seen anything else yet?" Edward asked from his place at the piano.

"Nope." I answered, "Nothing else yet. I wish I knew what it would take to just be normal for a change. Where I don't have to worry about having a nervous breakdown if you leave." I looked to Jasper, "Where I don't have to worry about actually seeing whatever it is I can't see yet. I'd kill for the way it was before."

"You're overthinking." Edward pointed out, still not looking at me.

I laughed a little, "I'm sorry. It's unavoidable." I sighed, placing my bare foot against the edge of the coffee table, "Boy, I'm going to feel so stupid if this turns out to be something small." I shook my head.

"Don't doubt yourself, Leandra." Esme murmured, "You're getting this vision for a reason. Whether it's to prepare you, or to give you forewarning to let someone else know, you can do something about what you see."

"Maybe." I said, looking up at her, "Unless I don't know what it is until after it's too late to stop it."

"She's got a point." Jasper said, "I'm thinking that it's probably something so large, so strong that she can't handle it yet."

"Then how am I supposed to help at all?" I asked, confused, "If I can't see it, or if I can't see it without freaking out, what good am I?"

"You're getting it." Jasper assured me, "Remember what we told you. Don't rush it. If you're not meant to see it yet, which you're not, considering how you haven't by now, then don't see it. That's just asking for trouble."

"Maybe." I sighed, laying back again.

"Your emotions are just starting to even out." He informed me, "Trust me, that's a relief to me too."

"I kept them even yesterday." I reminded him.

"You were distracted." He reminded me, "By the way, thank you, Emmett. For taking care of her while I was out hunting."

"You got it." Emmett smiled a little.

"Esme was there, too." I pointed out, studying a strand of my hair.

"Probably to make sure I kept the game PG." Emmett chuckled, and I smiled a little.

"You would have anyway." I laughed, looking up at him, "It's my turn now, you know."

"Dare." He told me, without me having to ask.

"Go find me a kangaroo. But it has to be a real one." I told him, Carlisle glancing at me, "I want a pet."

"Oh." Emmett laughed, "Good one, but I don't think Esme wants a kangaroo hopping around the house."

"Cheetah?"

"That would _kill_ you." He murmured incredulously.

"Piranha? Shark?"

"We don't have a tank for that, and I doubt Carlisle would allow you to have a pet like that." Jasper commented from the side.

"Definitely not." Carlisle added.

"Uh.. Fine. Go get me.. Something not from around here." I said, "And not from a pet store."

"I'm not capturing a wild animal for you to keep as a pet, shorty." Emmett chuckled.

"Do I smell defeat?" I countered, sitting forward with a sly smile. He narrowed his eyes, and was gone before I could laugh in triumph.

"It better not be anything boring." I muttered, sitting back. Jasper sighed, shaking his head as he looked to his book again.

"If you wanted a pet, you could have just asked." Carlisle reminded me, and I shrugged.

"This is more fun." I said, "And besides. I doubted you'd say yes."

"I think you having a pet would be good for you." He commented, "I wonder why we haven't thought of it before." He looked to Esme, who seemed just as surprised.

When Emmett did get back, he dropped a small furball in my lap. I was surprised at first, looking it over as my arms instinctively held it. The noise it made tried to melt me, but I held it back.

"One baby bobcat." He said, "It's scared as hell. I hope you're happy."

Its sandy brownish gray fur had stripes and spots along the legs and body. Its claws dug into the fabric of my sweater, but I didn't feel anything thanks to the thick fabric. Definitely not from around here, but still cuter than anything I'd ever seen.

"A bobcat kit, Emmett?" Esme asked, frowning, "Really?"

"This one is off limits." Emmett pointed to Edward, who only smiled, shaking his head.

"Did you check it over?" Carlisle asked, looking down at the cub in my lap.

"It's clean." He said, "Could use a bath, though."

"I would have preferred the cheetah." I muttered, but I was secretly dying at the cuteness of the furball in my lap. I lifted it, and looked it over. Its big dirty golden eyes were wide as it met my gaze, making another noise. It sounded like a mix between a squeaky growl, and a hiss. I smiled a little at hearing that.

"For it being so little, it's pretty heavy." I pointed out quietly.

"Truth or dare, shorty?" Emmett asked, and I smiled, settling the cub back in my lap.

"Dare." I said, struggling to keep hold of the animal trying to push its way out of my arms. Emmett was right. It was terrified. It resorted to trying to bite me, attacking my sleeve. The fabric tore easily under its claws, before Carlisle lifted it from me carefully by the back of the neck, frowning.

"Okay." Emmett said, "Next time Alice takes you shopping, I dare you to let her buy you a skirt."

"Evil." I muttered, narrowing my eyes, "But fine."

"Dare." He said again, and I stood up.

"You have to take this back to wherever you got it." I said, lifting the cub back from Carlisle, "But, you have to take me with you." He frowned in confusion, "Its scared as hell. I wouldn't want to steal a baby from its mom. That's just mean, and unnecessary. I'll go put it in a pillowcase, so the speed doesn't give it a heart attack."

"It got here just fine." He reminded me as I walked away.

"But again?" I asked, "I don't think the poor thing would survive another round."

"Good point." He allowed, "Triple bag that thing."

I lowered the cub comfortably into the pillowcase, being careful not to hurt it, and came back out with a pair of scissors. I carefully cut slits in the fabric layers so it could breathe, but small enough that it couldn't sense freedom and get out.

"If I want a pet, we'll get one from a pet store or something. One that's used to being touched." I said, "Maybe start out with a fish or something. So when I kill it, it's no big deal."

"Okay, then." Emmett sighed, shrugging, "Come here, shorty." Emmett swung me up, holding me bridal style in his arms, with the cub on my stomach. I carefully held onto the bag, giving Carlisle a smile.

"We'll be back." I said, and we were off. I shut my eyes tightly, turning my face. Like I always did. It took several minutes until I felt the air passing me drying out. It was odd to feel, but I didn't say anything.

"Okay, shorty." He said, and I opened my eyes. All around me was bright, sandy desert. It hurt my eyes, the sunlight, but I could still see. Despite how they watered. I'd never been in the desert before. I'd never left the northwest. I was amazed at the sight as he let me down onto my feet. Several feet to my left, was a cliff. Not really a cliff, but a steep, rocky drop off. Below that, a breathtaking valley below it with dried up riverbeds and bushes that weren't bushes. It went on for miles, no end in sight.

"You'll probably want to roll it in the dirt first. Try to get as much of your scent off of it as possible." Emmett instructed and I nodded. Lowering to my knees, I slowly opened the bag, and looked in. Its eyes were still wide, but it seemed calmer than when I first put it in there. It looked up at me, probably already knowing where it was.

I carefully reached in and lifted it. I accidentally dropped it the short distance to the ground, yelping when the cub suddenly struggled, kicking and clawing. As soon as its paws were on the ground, it took off. I watched after it, surprised at how fast it could run and how well it blended in with the plants around.

"So much for rolling it in the dirt." I muttered, climbing to my feet and dusting my hands off on my jeans, "Good luck, guy."

"You're something else." Emmett muttered, and I laughed a little.

"I just recognize that move." I said, glancing to him, barely acknowledging his glittering skin where the sunlight touched it, "Sudden burst of energy like that, usually takes whoever has me off guard, and they let me go. Just like I let him go. You've seen it."

"I have." He agreed, nodding, "I'm actually happy you finally see the similarities between you and a wild animal."

"I just took your word for it before." I laughed, scrunching up the now empty pillowcase, "He's going to go to all his friends, and say: 'The weirdest shit just happened to me. You're not going to believe this.' And they probably won't."

I slowly stepped to his side, and we started at a slow pace across the ground.

"So." He said, "You really remember being turned?" He wanted to continue on that subject.

"I do." I replied, "I don't know what it was like after that, because I woke up before I was done, but I know it would have been cool."

"To be honest," He said, "I think you would be bad-ass as a newborn."

"Really?" I asked, surprised. He was the first one openly admitting that. Esme had been hesitant, and Jasper clearly against it.

"Hell yeah." He chuckled, "I was a little disappointed at how easy Bella was to control. Fucking let down. I was looking forward to a challenge."

"I promise to forever be a pain in your ass." I smiled up at him. Having to squint at the brightness. He laughed, shaking his head.

My smile faded, and I stopped walking. Looking around myself at the barren landscape, the sunlight bright enough to make my eyes water a little. I remembered the bit of my vision about the almost blinding brightness.

"You okay?" He asked, noticing the look on my face.

"This isn't the same." I said, looking around, "It wasn't hot."

"What?"

"In the vision," I said, "The brightness of it. It wasn't like this, but I.." I paused, looking around even more. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was comparing them. The sight around me, and the vision. It was different. It was snow in the vision. Daytime, standing in the middle of a clearing covered in snow.

"We have to go back." I muttered, "Now." Hearing the change in my tone, he wasted no time in scooping me up, and running back toward home, "Hurry."

As we traveled, the same part of my mind comparing the two sights continued to work. Uncovering a little more about the vision in question. We were waiting for someone. Me, with Carlisle and Esme. To my right, Emmett and Rosalie. Bella, Renesmee, and Edward. We were waiting, spread out. There were more, though. Others I didn't recognize. The scene was becoming less blurry, more coherent as I thought about it indirectly.

Unfortunately, realizing I was thinking about it indirectly made me think about it directly, and that brought me pain. I whimpered suddenly, squeezing my eyes shut as I pressed my palms to my forehead. It hurt. A lot to see that little bit of vision clearer, but I couldn't stop.

"Drop me off at Josh's house." I requested, "Or right by it. Please."

"Are you sure about that, shorty?" He asked, "You don't want to talk about it?"

"I'm sure I don't. Not yet." I said, squeezing my eyes shut again, "I just need to see them first. When I'm with them, I have to hide it. It's easier to pretend that I'm normal. I can almost believe my own lies."

"Alright." He said, "I'll come back tonight to walk you home."

"Thank you." I was half surprised he allowed it so easily. Then again, he knew what wanting to be normal meant to me. Had it been anyone else, they wouldn't have agreed to let me be normal. They would have insisted on taking me home, and having me talk about what I saw.

Emmett dropped me off in the small group of trees between their house and the neighbors house, and left me there. I sighed, rubbing my forehead a little more before leaving the trees, and heading for the door.

I could clearly hear the sound of Mike's voice, telling the boys that they were taking too long. It took a little while for Josh to pull the door open, and I could tell instantly that it wasn't a good time.

"Leandra." He panted, "Hey."

"Bad time?" I asked hesitantly, trying to see behind him. Zack bounded down the stairs, but not for me. He swung around, and sprinted off toward the kitchen.

"A little." He admitted, still a little out of breath, "We're actually off to the hospital."

"The hospital?" I asked, confused, "Is someone hurt?"

"No." He said, "But-"

"Josh." Mike called, "Get your shoes on."

"Long story." Josh told me apologetically, "I'll fill you in later?" Mike stepped to the door behind him, kicking Josh lightly in the arm with his shoes. He started to pull them on quickly.

"Leandra." Mike finally saw it was me, "I'm glad it's you." I gave him a small smile, "They found Ken." I felt my face go white.

"W-What?" I asked, trying to sound interested instead of shocked.

"Yeah." Mike nodded, "Somehow, he wound up in a hospital in Idaho. In a coma, and barely alive, but he was transferred here an hour ago. He's only been awake for a week." I couldn't even kill someone right. Shit, shit, shit! This was bad. Really bad.

"You okay?" Josh asked, noticing my discomfort.

"F-Fine." I forced a very fake smile, "Uh.. Yeah.. Just.. Yeah." I went to turn, but Josh caught my arm.

"You know what happened." He muttered quietly, surprised.

"No I don't." I said, "I'll see you later, okay?" I struggled hard to keep my tone steady, and he gave me a look that told me he didn't believe me, "I'll be at Andrews until tonight."

"He's not home." Josh told me, "He and his dad went to Seattle for the weekend with Mary."

"Fuck." I sighed, rubbing my forehead again.

"Just bring her along." Mike suggested, "But we've got to go."

"Hold on, dad." Josh said, leading me away from the porch. Mike accepted that, turning to yell at Zack to hurry up. I couldn't look at him, "Leandra, if you know what happened, I want to know."

"I don't." I said firmly, "I swear."

He still didn't buy it, so I sighed.

"Call me later." I offered, turning. He grabbed my arm again.

"Okay." He said, "I won't ask again, but at least come with us." His tone softened a little, "It'd be nice to have someone there with me. Please?" I sighed heavily, but I couldn't turn him down.

"Okay." I agreed as Zack led Mike from the house, "I'll go."

"Hey, Leandra." Zack smiled, hugging me briefly as he passed us on his way to the car.

"If you're coming, get in." Mike barked, and I followed Josh to the car. It was still here in town, so I wasn't too nervous about leaving with them this time. I would be there for Josh and Zack. That was it. It was the least I could do, considering I put him there. I would find some way to fill Carlisle in when we got there.

Which wasn't hard to do. I asked to use Josh's phone while he went in to see Ken. I wanted to give Carlisle as much of a heads up as I could, in case Ken gave something away that he shouldn't. I also wanted to be as honest as I could with Carlisle, as I'd learned my lesson about hiding things.

Carlisle answered tensely.

"I'm going to kill Eleazar as soon as I can." I muttered, stepping slowly up the hall.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked, instantly listening.

"He's alive." I murmured, knowing he'd know who I was talking about, "He lived. Apparently, Eleazar thought it was a good idea to leave him somewhere he'd be found in time to save his life." I glanced behind me, making sure no one was listening, "So.. I'm going to kill Eleazar. He had to know he was still alive. There's no way he couldn't."

"He never told me what he did with him." Carlisle replied, "I'll be sure to have a talk with him soon. Where are you?"

"With Josh and Zack." I answered, "At the hospital. Ken was transferred here an hour ago, and they were off to see him when I came to the door. I'm responsible for this, so it was the least I could do to offer support."

"Leandra, you can't be there if he remembers what happened that night." Carlisle told me firmly, "Find some way to come home."

"Leandra." I looked back up the hall at Josh's call, "He wants to see you."

"Shit." I mumbled, "Carlisle, I have to go."

"Don't go in there." He said, "I mean it."

"What do I do?" I asked quietly in return, "Just refuse to see him?"

"Come home." He replied, "Tell them anything. We'll figure it out here."

"I'll try." I sighed, and hung up just as Josh came to my side.

"He's pretty eager." Josh told me, and I sighed, turning. I had to think of something between here and that door. The harder I thought, the less of a solution I was able to find until Josh finally led me around the doorframe, and I prepared myself.

"Hey." Ken's voice wasn't as strong as I remembered it being, "There she is." Oh god, the panic. I was back under water, unable to get above it. It was him. Sitting there, slightly pale but definitely alive. He wasn't dead. He was sitting right there. The panic made it even harder to think.

"I'm leaving." I managed to tell him, "I won't come back." I saw the recognition in his eyes, and understanding. He did remember, surprisingly, what happened that night. That didn't mean much to everyone else, but it meant everything to the two of us.

"What?" Josh asked, "Come on. Don't leave yet."

"Come here for a second, sweetheart." Ken waved me forward, and I hesitated until Josh took my hand. Each step I took forward, I knew I was closer to blowing it. Each step closer, I could hear the sound of my breathing in my ears, until it was too much. I finally bit back a sob, and stopped in my tracks, Josh looking to me in surprise.

"I'm sorry." I cried, "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Zack asked, surprised as well.

"We had an argument before I dropped her off that night." Ken answered to my surprise, "She's probably terrified that I'm mad at her. Can we have a moment alone?" I floored me how easily that moment alone was granted. Josh was the last to leave, giving my hand a comforting squeeze.

The door closed quietly, and I stood there, trembling violently. I couldn't look at him.

"Truce." He told me quietly, "As much of a blur as that night is to me, I do remember you, and I remember what you did." He chuckled tiredly, "To be honest, I really didn't think you had it in you, but obviously, you did. So. I'm calling a truce. For now. Deal?"

All I could do was nod. I didn't know what to do.

"Good." He grunted, "While I'm recovering, I won't say a damn word about what happened that night, as long as you don't. Just don't think I won't. Understand?" I was terrified, so I nodded again.

He accepted that with a nod of his own, "Now get out of my sight."

"Can I still visit Josh and Zack?"

"For now." He repeated, "You'll know when I put a stop to that. Now go. I'm sick of looking at you, you filthy bitch." I turned quickly, and left, taking a deep breath on my way through the door. I thought for sure I'd gotten away from being talked to like that. Josh was at my side instantly.

"Leandra, please." He muttered, glancing as I did at Zack and Mike going back into the room, "Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't ruin your view of him." I admitted in a whisper before I could stop myself. He studied me for a moment, before his brow furrowed in worry. He glanced back to the door briefly, holding up a finger. I watched him turn, poking his head into the room for a second.

"Dad," He said, "I'm going to walk Leandra home."

"Be careful." Was all Mike told him in response.

We walked out of the hospital together, my hands in my pockets, his in his own. He waited, letting me calm down before he even tried to talk to me. I appreciated that.

"I just want the truth." He said, "I don't care if you ruin my view of him. What did he do?"

"I've been in the hospital." I admitted, and he looked to me, "The cold I had wasn't just a cold."

"I could tell it wasn't." He commented.

"It was an infection, that moved to my blood." I continued, "It almost killed me. Well, it would have, if I hadn't caught it in time." He waited, "I got sick that night. The last night I saw Ken." He knew I wanted to say more, but I hesitated.

"What did he do, Leandra?" He asked again. I was barely hanging on as it was, so I couldn't answer right away, "You know I'll believe you. I know he doesn't like you, and I know what he can be like when he's determined. I've seen it every year during the summer. I've seen the way he treats people."

"I'm not worried about you believing me." I sniffled, keeping my eyes on the sidewalk, "I'm worried about you believing me, but getting mad at me for telling you the truth."

"You know me better than that." He countered, and I looked up at him, "I won't tell anyone what you tell me. Not even Zack. What you tell me is between us, okay?" He paused, "I just want to know."

"No you don't." I couldn't keep the emotion from my voice, "I'm such a horrible person."

"Hey." He muttered, pulling me to a stop, "Don't say that." I couldn't help hugging him. I thanked my lucky stars that my sobs were silent. He felt them anyway, though, and he returned the hug right there on the sidewalk in the middle of town.

"I would never do that." I sobbed, "Not unless I had another choice. I didn't mean to do it. I swear, Josh."

"Come on." He said, leaving his arm around me as he continued to walk, "Just tell me. It's okay."

When I could speak again, I tearfully told him everything. From the moment we left their house, until the next morning. I told him everything. What Ken did, what he said, and what I did. It was the hardest explanation I'd ever had to give, but he kept his arm around me. If anything, he held me tighter.

We didn't get as far as home. I chose to walk with him around the park instead, knowing that would probably be the best. It was calming, just taking laps around the park.

"There is so much, though, that doesn't make sense." He muttered after a moment of stunned silence once I was done, "You got home, leaving him there."

"Yeah." I confirmed shakily.

"You called Carlisle after finding your phone." He clarified, and I nodded, "He came and got you?"

"No." I answered before thinking.

"Then how did you get home?" He asked, "I know you couldn't have walked that far on your own. You couldn't walk that far when you were healthy. Much less after a night like that."

"Uh.." I murmured, "S-Someone else came and got me." He nodded slowly in understanding, "One of my cousins. She was in the area." He was thinking too hard about this instead of just taking my word for it. He was piecing together the fact that there were missing pieces to my story. Josh wasn't stupid.

"Was someone else in the area?" He asked, and again, I answered before I thought.

"No." I said, sniffling.

"Then how did Ken end up outside of a hospital in Idaho the same day his car was found?" I had to stop walking. I realized then just how badly I'd screwed up, "You said that when you left him that morning, he was still there.." He trailed off.

"Josh-"

"We got the call about his car sometime early morning, and according to the hospital in Saint Anthony, he'd been there since mid morning that day." He finished his thought as if I hadn't spoken.

"I don't know how to answer that." I mumbled, looking down.

"That shouldn't be possible." He said thoughtfully, "Either the hospital was lying, or you are."

"Maybe they made a mistake." I offered, trying to step by him.

"Leandra." His tone made me stop, "Please. I want to know the truth. The whole truth." I felt like complete crap having to tell him what I told him next.

"It's not my truth to give you." I answered with a sigh, "Just promise me you won't tell him that you know. I really want to keep seeing you, but if he knows, I know he'll put a stop to that."

"Newsflash," He said, "It's not up to him to decide who I'm friends with. Me or Zack. You just keep coming by." He didn't like it, but he was letting it go for now. I saw that in his eyes, "Don't even worry about him."

"Like that's possible." I sighed, "I can't even look at him." My voice broke as I admitted that, closing my eyes and shaking my head, "I just.. Won't be able to stand it if you're mad at me."

"Look." He sighed, stepping closer to me and pulling me into a hug, "I'm not mad that you can't tell me everything yet."

"You're not?" I asked, returning the hug.

"No." He said, "I told you before. It's not the end of the world if there are things you can't tell me, or even won't tell me. Sometimes secrets are safer with one person than two."

"Exactly." I mumbled into his shoulder.

"I won't tell anyone what you told me today." He offered, and I sighed in relief, "Not Zack, not dad. And definitely not him. I want you to know that you can tell me anything, and I can be trusted."

"Thank you."

"Just promise, though." He said and pulled back, "That if you ever can trust someone else with that missing piece of information, I'm your guy."

"I promise." That seemed easy enough to promise. If it made him feel better, I'd tell him anything. Especially after delivering that news.

"I'm sorry my bloodline is _so_ fucked up." He muttered, and I laughed. I couldn't help it.

"Mine's not so good, either." I told him, but he didn't buy it. His phone chose that moment to ring, and he pulled it out of his pocket.

"Uh-oh." He murmured, "It's your dad, and that ring sounds pissed."

"Carlisle doesn't get pissed." I sighed, taking the phone. I answered, and found that I couldn't be more wrong.

"Where are you?" He asked, and again, I heard the tension in his voice. He wasn't calm anymore. I almost couldn't believe who I was talking to.

"Walking around the park with Josh." I said, and I heard his heavy sigh, "I'm on-"

"When I told you to get home, Leandra, I meant it." I looked up at Josh, surprised, "I meant for you to get _home_. Not wander around town with some boy." Each word was stressed with worry.

"I-I know, b-but-"

"Get home." He told me again, firmer this time. Much firmer, "Or I'll go and find you, and bring you home myself."

"Carlisle, what's-"

"Now." Was his final word, and he hung up before I could get another word in. I stared at the phone, shocked. I handed the phone back to Josh, still a little numb with shock.

"He's pissed, isn't he?" Josh asked, "I called that."

"He's never pissed." I mumbled, "He's never talked to me like _that_ before."

"Dads." Josh shrugged, "I know I'd be a little on edge if my daughter wasn't coming home like I told her to half an hour ago."

"He doesn't _get_ on edge, though." I tried to explain, "Never."

"Want me to walk you home?" Josh offered quietly, and I sighed, shaking my head.

"I better go alone." I said, "If I'm in trouble, I'll be humiliated to have you see me get yelled at."

"Good point." He said, "Good luck." He smiled a little, and I returned it nervously. I hugged him again, and he kissed my cheek, "Thank you for telling me."

"I know I feel better. Even if I still do feel like a horrible person." I mumbled into his shoulder again.

"Don't." He said, "That explanation, I don't care how many times you could've rehearsed it, wasn't faked. I'd like to think I know you well enough to know when you're lying. You didn't do it for fun, or just because. You did it to protect yourself, and I believe you. You're not a horrible person. You were just fighting to live." To hear him say that made me feel even better.

I didn't want to leave. I wasn't looking forward to whatever mood Carlisle was in when I got home.

"One more lap." I said, pulling back and looking up at him, "I don't know what I did to piss him off, but it has to be bad enough to put him in that mood, and probably bad enough to get me grounded."

"You sure?" He asked hesitantly, and I nodded. He turned, taking hold of my hand as we started. We started on another subject, thankfully, as he wanted me to leave on a better note. He held onto my hand the whole way around the park, and I didn't care. The way he described something stupid Andrew and Zack did at school had me smiling. Somehow, that's all that mattered anymore.

We must have taken more than one lap, because suddenly, I spotted Carlisle's car pulling into the small parking area across the park from us.

"Uh-oh." I muttered, covering my face briefly, "Let me ask. Should I run, or surrender?" Josh laughed, finding that funny.

"Always surrender when it comes to your family." He said, "There's nobody who cares more about you."

"If you don't see me for awhile, assume I was grounded." I murmured, looking up at him.

"I kind of figured." He smiled, glancing behind me at the sound of a car door slamming, "You should go. I don't want to get you into more trouble."

He hugged me briefly, and before he could step away fully, I kissed him. Pressing my lips to his for just a second. He had just enough time to press his back to mine, before I smiled a little and stepped back. He turned extremely red, and I was sure I did too.

It felt normal to do that. Not expected of me, but I something I wanted to do. Even as my heart sped a little. It didn't bother me like it did a couple of months ago. I didn't mind it, or the slightly nervous squeezing of my stomach. I didn't want to tell Josh that, though. Just in case it did start bothering me again.

"Bye." I said, laughing a little at the smile on his face.

"Bye." He repeated, "Good luck." I turned, almost running to meet Carlisle. Trying to put as much distance between Josh and I as possible, just to keep him from having to hear Carlisle tell me how much trouble I was in.

Carlisle was quiet, though. Only turning around and walking back to the car with me. I knew that was a not-so-good sign. As we walked toward the car, I glanced back. Giving Josh one last smile.

Carlisle opened the passenger door for me, much like he always did whenever I went somewhere with him. I knew better than to take that as an indication that I wasn't in trouble. He was polite.

"Tell me you didn't tell him." Carlisle murmured before the car even moved. My heart dropped, and I bit my lip.

"That depends." I muttered, looking to him sheepishly, "On what I didn't tell him."

"Tell me you didn't tell him what happened that night." He specified, and I looked down.

"Maybe."

"Leandra." He sighed heavily, irritated, "You know how dangerous it is. I've gone over this with you."

"I know." I said, "But I had to. I had to, Carlisle. I didn't tell him anything I wasn't supposed to. I swear."

"You weren't supposed to tell him anything at all." He stressed, "You know this. You knew this before you ever said a word."

"What was I supposed to do?" I asked defensively, "Lie to him?"

"Lie to him." He nodded in answer, "And lie well."

"I couldn't do that." I shook my head, looking out the window. He was quiet for a moment.

"We've got to talk. Soon." That confused me a little. I thought we were talking, but then I figured it out. His tone had softened, and I knew he wasn't talking about me telling Josh anymore. He was talking about me kissing Josh. He didn't say anything else as he started toward home. I wasn't looking forward to that discussion, so I left it alone. Just as I figured I'd be, I was embarrassed. I was instantly regretting doing that when I knew for a fact that Carlisle was watching. I thought he'd let it go, but not this time.

It didn't take us long to get home. I stood from the car slowly, hoping he didn't say anything to anyone else. It was bad enough that he knew what I'd done, telling Josh about what happened that night, but I knew the others wouldn't be so nice about it. Least of all, Rosalie. The others, I could handle an argument from, but Rosalie worried me.

"Leandra." Carlisle called as I headed inside, "Living room. Now." He was back to pissed.

I had two choices. Ignore the fact that I'd heard him perfectly, and go straight to my room. Or do as he said, and stop in the living room. My feet chose for me.

I paused, stopping by the couch. He'd followed me closely, and I looked up at him sheepishly. Everyone was there. Everyone. Including Bella, Edward and Renesmee. Jacob and Seth also, but to my surprise, Alice and Jasper were missing. I was getting no help emotion wise, and that surprised me a little as well.

No one found this even slightly amusing.

"Sit down, shorty." Emmett muttered, and by the way he didn't bark that order, I knew something was wrong, "Trust me. You'll want to."

"What happened?" I asked, looking to him now. I did as he told me to, though, slowly sliding around the armrest and falling onto the couch.

"I need to know I can trust that you'll so as I _say_." Carlisle stressed, "I need to know that I can trust you to follow directions as I give them to you."

"I know I messed up, but it wasn't just to piss you off." I murmured, looking down at my hands.

"That's not the point." Carlisle countered, "The point here is that you deliberately disobeyed what I told you to do."

"It's not a big deal. So I walked around the park with Josh. It's not like I was out playing in traffic." I muttered defensively.

"It _is_ a big deal." He said, "I don't care what you were doing. I only care that you weren't doing what I specifically told you to do."

"I'm sorry." I said, again defensively.

"I had to leave here in the middle of everything going on to go find you, because you purposefully ignored my direction." He continued. He wasn't happy, but that didn't have my attention now. I was more focused on what he said.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly, looking up. He sighed, glancing to Esme beside him. He was quiet, and I waited. There wasn't much else I could do until he told me.

"Alice had a vision." Ice washed down the back of my neck, fear stealing my breath momentarily. Had I not already been sitting, I would have sat down in shock.

"A-And?" I managed to ask.

"It's nothing good, shorty." Emmett murmured.

"How bad?" I asked, looking to him.

"Let's just say that your vision makes sense now." He answered, "We know what you don't yet."

"And until you have this vision," Carlisle said, "We can_not_ place you somewhere else. Not with anyone who won't understand why you're so afraid."

"Good." I said instantly, "I wouldn't go quietly anyway."

"That's the problem here, Leandra." Carlisle said, "The fact that you can just choose not to bother listening to what I tell you is a problem. Normally, it wouldn't be such a problem, but right now, it is. I need your word that from this point on, you'll do everything you're told."

"Okay." I said quietly.

"Promise me." He said firmly, "I need to know that no matter what, no matter what request it is, no questions asked, you'll do as you are _told_ to do."

"Okay." I said again, "I promise."

"Beginning tomorrow, you're not to leave Seth's side. For any reason, whatsoever. Is that clear?" He wasn't messing around now. I glanced to Seth. He kept his eyes on the floor.

"I'll stay with him." I nodded in agreement, surprised I could still speak.

"Good." Carlisle sighed, "You'll listen to him, and the others. You'll do whatever he tells you. He'll keep you safe while we're gone." That took my full attention.

"Gone?" I asked, standing, "Where are you going?"

"We'll be back, Leandra." Esme assured me, "We'll be traveling for a bit. That's all." I didn't have near as much dread as I did the night Ness was born, so I didn't put up much of a fight.

"Okay." I said, sighing quietly. She seemed relieved I allowed it so easily, "Can I ask a question?"

"Of course." Carlisle seemed less tense, but not by much.

I hesitated, unsure how to ask what I wanted to ask.

"It's someone you _don't_ want to face." Edward answered for me from the back, "Believe me, Leandra."

"I kind of gathered that." I mumbled, "But.. Who? It would be nice to put names to the faces."

"Sit back down." Carlisle told me with a small nod, "We'll tell you what we know so far." I did as he said, sitting back down where I'd been sitting before. To my surprise, my attention was taken briefly by Renesmee crawling across the couch to sit beside me. I knew I didn't hate her anymore, but I wasn't sure how she knew this was okay now. She lifted my arm at the wrist and scooted closer.

Given the situation, I didn't think it was so terrible to let her sit there, or to hug her. I'd be scared at her age, too. She seemed to appreciate it, smiling apologetically up at me. I returned the smile briefly before looking to Carlisle again.

"There's a reason," He started, "That we haven't told you about the Volturi yet." That name only raised more questions, but I was quiet. Knowing he would explain in his own time, "Edward is right. They are a group you don't want to be anywhere near. There are rules, Leandra, for our kind to follow. The Volturi enforce them. Strongly."

I nodded, letting him know to continue, "The first one, the most enforced, is to always keep our existence a secret from the humans." I looked down, knowing he meant me, "That is the one rule that cannot be broken, but we broke it. There are other, less significant rules that aren't as enforced as that one, but there is one other."

The way he paused made me look back up at him. His tone hardened, "This one we didn't break, but the Volturi think we did, and that is a big problem. They think that Renesmee is an immortal child. A child that was turned long before they ever should be."

"The rule." I mumbled in understanding, looking to Esme. She nodded solemnly.

"Because immortal children aren't old enough to understand what it means to hide our existence, making them was forbidden. A long time ago."

"She's not immortal, though." I frowned, "I've known her since she was born. Since before she was born."

"There's a good chance that they won't stop to listen to your reasons, shorty." Emmett added.

"Because she's not going to be there." Edward stressed.

"Another time." Carlisle immediately put a stop to that argument before it could start. They both stopped talking.

"What will they do if they think you made an immortal child?" I asked quietly.

"That rule.." Carlisle sighed, "Has always been enforced with the strongest, most severe form of punishment, Leandra." That upset me. The moment his words registered to me, I understood. I was in tears instantly, the dread clawing its way up from my stomach, blocking my throat as he continued.

"A punishment that can't be escaped."

**A/N: *Faceplam* Don't tell her that, Carlisle! Dammit!  
Chapter twenty-two. Geez, this is getting long, but I don't mind it so much.  
Who else wants a baby bobcat for their birthday?  
THANK YOU to my reviewers! You're all amazing! I'm three reviews away from the 100th review mark! How awesome is that? I know it's only because this story is so long, but let me have my moment. :(  
Just kidding. I'm so appreciative, I could cry. :')  
Okay so.. Business from now on. No more bobcat detours. At least, I'll try. No promises on that.  
As always, my Facebook page is regularly updated. Search for me, (Kneu Neu. As far as I know, no one else has a name like that. You'll know when you see it), and be gloriously updated. About... Stuff.  
Okay, that's enough rambling. I've had one Pepsi too many today, thanks to my amazing night of very little sleep, which brought you this chapter. You're welcome.  
Until twenty-three, guys! :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Carlisle stepped forward, kneeling before me on the floor, "There is something we can try. We haven't given up, Leandra, so neither should you."

The fear wasn't of them leaving. It was of whatever they were planning to do not working. I knew it wouldn't work by that feeling alone. I knew it.

I remembered a time when not knowing was worse, and when not knowing would make me feel this way, but knowing now, being so sure, made it so much worse.

"There's still a chance." I cried, surprised I could still talk at all. Jasper _could_ jump in at any time! He wasn't helping me at all. Letting me cry, letting me be afraid.

"Leandra, everything will-"

"Don't tell me that!" I released Renesmee only to lean forward and hug Carlisle, "You didn't do anything wrong! Nobody has!"

"We haven't given up." He told me, lifting me easily. I didn't care at that point that I was getting too big for this. I didn't give a care in the world. I wasn't letting go.

"You said it can't be escaped." I cried into his shoulder, shaking my head, "You can't leave me."

"Beginning tomorrow," He explained calmly, trying to calm me by being calm himself, "We'll be gathering friends of ours. Our kind, to come here to the house and meet Renesmee themselves." I gasped for breath around my sobs, "And we'll be asking them to stand with us, only to bear witness that she isn't what they think she is. That she grows. She's not immortal, but someone else entirely."

"Will that even work?" I cried hopelessly. I couldn't calm down now even if I tried.

"There is a chance that it could work." He answered quietly, "I know. I know how upsetting this is, but believe me, Leandra. Every option will be exhausted before we even begin to give up hope." That didn't help me any. He was still planning on leaving. Without me. Knowing who was coming, and what the punishment for something like that would be, made it all that much more worse. I knew they'd be back. I knew they would, but what would happen when having friends stand with us wouldn't work?

"Take me with you." I requested, "Tomorrow. You can't leave me. Not ever."

"Leandra, I can't." He sighed, "It would be easier on us knowing you were home safe. We still have some time before they come. There's still time."

If he thought talking to me this way was going to get me to let him go, he was wrong.

The entire afternoon, I monkey-ed onto him. Refusing to release my hold around his neck. Now and then shedding quiet tears. It was one thing to follow him like a little lost puppy, but clinging onto him was quickly wearing me down. I was so scared, so very afraid of losing them, and this was the only way I didn't give up hope right then.

Seeing me this worried, this completely terrified bothered him. I knew it, but I couldn't help it. Just the thought of ever having to live without my family hurt too much, and it scared me more than anything. I didn't know what to do anymore, and he'd always seemed to know what to do, so I stuck with him. He always seemed so sure, so sticking with him seemed the safest way.

Edward and Bella eventually took Renesmee home, and that was how I knew that I'd probably have to go to bed soon. Or I'd be completely useless the next day. Maybe even sleeping right through them leaving in the morning. Something I really didn't want to do.

I started bargaining.

"I won't ever leave the house again." I offered, tears in my voice, "I promise. Just don't leave." I knew he had no choice, that he would do what he had to do to protect the family, but accepting that wasn't an option for me yet.

"Leandra." He sighed, sitting down and embracing me in return once again.

"Don't leave me." I couldn't stop the renewed tears again, and I was amazed at how I could still cry.

"Just stay with Seth." He murmured, "We'll be back before you know it, and just remember to do as the others tell you."

"Don't go." I insisted through my tears, "You won't be back before I know it. I already know it, and I don't like it."

"Leandra." I didn't turn at Alice's voice, "Can I have a quick word?"

"No." I said instantly, knowing she was just trying to get me to let go. I wouldn't. I hadn't for anyone else yet, and I didn't see the point in letting go until I absolutely had to.

"Leandra, it's important." She insisted, and I turned for a second.

"Let me stay here." I cried, and she seemed surprised for a moment, "You can talk to me later. It can wait."

She sighed, giving me a look.

"Sooner or later," She said, "You're going to have to let go."

"That's later." I sniffled, realizing that Jasper was helping me again. I fought it at first, but eventually I couldn't. With his help, I could take a breath again.

"Not fair." I mumbled, sighing. Especially since the calmer I got, the more tired I got. I wanted to stay worried and upset. When I was worried and upset, sleep was the furthest thing from my mind.

"Okay." She sighed, coming into the living room with us, "I'll talk to you here. I wanted to give you something. I was going to save it for your birthday, but I think you deserve to have this now." I looked up at her, watching as she sat next to me, "All of us have something with this on it, aside from you. So here is yours. Hold out your hand." I did as she asked, watching as she held up her hand, tucking something metal into mine.

I uncurled my hand, looking it over. It was bright silver, a rather long chain with a decent sized decorative key hanging on it. It looked like one of those very old skeleton keys, with the fancy top part to it. Instead of the regular pattern to the fancy top to it, though, it had been replaced with the family crest. It was large enough to clearly see, but small enough to hide if I wanted to. I wasn't sure why I'd ever want to.

She was right, though. I'd seen all of them wearing this at some point. Rings, necklaces, and wristbands. It was something common, but I never wondered before if I'd get one. Now that I had one of my own, I loved it.

"Wow." I murmured, looking closer.

"I think you've more than earned it." She gave me a smile, which I couldn't help returning, "I know how much you admired my key jewelery when I'd wear it, so I thought you should have something like that of your own. Yours just has a newer twist to it."

"That came out nicely." Carlisle told her, "Well done."

"I know things seem overwhelming right now." Alice murmured to me, and I looked to her as she slowly took the necklace from me, "But you'll always belong here. Just remember that when you miss us, or when you're lonely."

"Are you going somewhere?" I was suspicious now, and she gave me a comforting smile as she lowered the necklace over my head, and pulled my hair through it until the chain landed against my neck.

"Nowhere you're not going." She replied, and I found I believed her. I nodded, looking down at the key. It hung loosely down the front of my chest, not at all restricting.

"I love it." I told her, "Thank you."

"You're more than welcome, Leandra." She smiled, "Are you ready for bed yet?"

"I guess I have no choice." I mumbled, "It's after eleven, and I have more crying to do tomorrow."

"You'll do just fine." She assured me, "Come on." Hesitantly leaving the couch, I hated having to give in. She walked with me to my room, to my surprise, picking out my pajamas for me.

"Those are a little warm, aren't they?" I asked quietly, taking the soft and heavy fabric from her, "I haven't worn these since the morning after that night with Ken." Just thinking about that tried to make me panic, but I fought it back. That would have to wait.

"It'll be pretty cold tonight." She explained, "I'm just thinking about later, and I know how much they comfort you." I was suspicious again, but that didn't last long either. Fading almost as soon as the feeling came up. She was just thinking about me.

I sighed, shaking my head a little.

"Sorry." I said, "My head is so screwed up right now."

"Sleep will help." She assured me, "Get some rest."

"Alice," I called as she went to leave. She turned, "You're not still wanting to go shopping this weekend, are you?"

"We can still go." She nodded a little, "There will be plenty of time, and I think it'll get your mind off of things."

"Good luck with that one." I sniffled, "But I guess it's worth a try."

"Good night, Leandra." She smiled, closing the door behind herself. Dressing in the dark purple fabric, she wasn't wrong when she said it would comfort me. I loved these pajamas. They were thick, but soft, and too big for me. Like wearing a blanket. I kept the necklace on, not wanting to take it off so soon. I really did love it, so I just tucked it into my top.

I said my good nights, and closed my door quietly. I was already feeling lonely, but so very exhausted, so sleep won over turning back around and insisting I sleep out there. I wasn't awake for much longer, curled comfortably in bed.

Just like so often lately, my dreams were active. More active than before, it seemed. Moving faster, more forcefully through my mind.

I jumped, startled awake later at someone gently shaking me awake. I knew immediately that it wasn't Carlisle or Esme. I knew how they woke me up, and it wasn't by shaking me, so I was worried at first. I could barely make out the shape of someone next to me in the dark, but my eyes quickly adjusted, letting me just barely recognize who it was.

It was Jasper.

I wondered what he was doing there, but I kept silent at his motion to, sitting up slowly. He gestured that I follow him, and I did. More cooperative than I should have been, considering the odd situation. Being barely awake, I yawned deeply, actually pretty thankful for being woken up.

He handed me one of my heavier sweatshirts, which I pulled on without a word and through another yawn. I had no idea what was going on, but I figured he knew what he was doing when he handed me my shoes.

I tried to whisper, to ask him what was going on, but before I could make a sound, his hand covered my mouth, and he shook his head. It startled me, but I didn't yelp. The tension in his eyes told me to just go with it, so I did.

Carlisle had said to do as I was told. It was clear to me that Jasper wanted me to stay silent as he got me ready to go somewhere. I half wondered if the others knew he was getting ready to go somewhere, but it barely occurred to me that if they'd known, there would be hardly any reason to stay quiet.

I pulled my shoes on without a sound, and before I could even tie them, he lifted me. Slinging me onto his back. Carrying me from the house through my bedroom window, he silently closed it behind himself, not making a sound.

I trusted him, so I kept quiet. Letting him carry me from the house in the middle of the night. I hid my eyes in his back, still not speaking in case it would irritate him. I was almost able to fall back to sleep like that, which surprised me.

"Give her to me." Alice's voice had me look up. We were stopped now, but nowhere near the house anymore. It was a little chilly out in the forest tonight, and I wished I'd brought a heavier jacket. My mind, still fogged in sleep, was begging me to go back to sleep. Alice plucked me from Jasper's back easily, and I just went with it.

"We need to request your permission." I jumped at Jasper's call, "Something's come up." We waited.

"What are we doing?" I asked sleepily, "And why aren't we home?" My eyes burned in tiredness, and it didn't occur to me how sedated I really felt. Weighed down, most of my emotion gone but the numbness only seemed to make me more tired.

"Shh." Alice told me, and I knew I wasn't supposed to talk yet. She'd explain, but it still didn't make any sense to me why she insisted on holding me, even though we were stopped. Maybe she figured I was just too tired to stand? I didn't ask, because I half worried about that as well.

"What's your request?" I jumped again at a response, looking over.

"Sam." Jasper greeted tensely, "We need to pass through your land to the ocean. Escorted, of course, if it'll make you feel better." So this was Sam. The large black wolf I'd slapped on the nose.

"How many?" He asked after a moment.

"Only the two of us." Alice replied, "And her. For her own safety."

"I'm sorry I smacked you." I murmured, hoping he wasn't too upset with me over that. Jasper and Alice needed something from him, and I'd feel bad if he wouldn't let them because of me. Sam only chuckled, much to my relief, as he came closer. He seemed to be in a better mood than the last time I'd seen him.

"That's alright, Leandra." He replied, "Alright. I'll allow you three through, but no others, and you will be escorted. Given who is with you, I assume I don't have to tell you how risky attempting something would be."

"We'd never." Alice assured him, "You have our word."

"Can I ask something?" Sam asked, his eyes on me. I wished they'd hurry this up. I wanted to go back to bed. Didn't they know I had an early morning of crying ahead of me?

"Of course." Jasper replied, waiting.

"When you say this is for her own safety..?" He prompted.

"It's nothing like that." Jasper answered, "It's a long story."

"I'll explain when we get there." Alice spoke next, "As much as I can." Sam seemed deeply curious, but gave a nod as he turned.

"Wait here for your escort." He said, "There will be four. Five, counting myself."

"Thank you." Jasper nodded, sighing a little. We really didn't have to wait long. The moment I heard the crunch of paws on the underbrush ahead, we started running again.

We got to the shore, and I could hardly see a thing around me. Only hearing the sound of the waves nearby, as Alice spoke with Sam briefly a little ways away. We stood on the beach in the dark, and it made me a little nervous. I still couldn't imagine what on earth we were doing out here.

"Just relax." Jasper told me, "You'll be okay."

"I know." I replied, my tired voice hardly making it above the sound of the waves on the beach, "I'm just a little confused." I wrapped my sweater tighter around myself, wishing it was warmer. I was cold, even in my warmest pajamas.

I realized then. Alice had chosen these pajamas for me for a reason. This reason. It only confused me even more to think about that.

"Over here." Sam called, "I don't expect it back, so do as you please with it." Jasper took my hand tightly and led me up the beach, straight to a small brown rowboat. I understood then. Wherever we were going was somewhere out there.

"I'll tow." Jasper volunteered, and Alice nodded. Reaching into the bottom of the boat, she produced a long coiled rope, handing it to him.

"Alice," I mumbled, watching him remove his shirt, "What are we doing? Where are we going?" Jasper tossed the fabric into the boat, and quickly uncoiled the rope as he kicked off his shoes and threw them into the boat next.

"I'll explain on the way." She assured me, "Get in."

I sighed, but did as she told me to. With Alice's help, I managed to climb into the tiny boat without falling on my face, and I found a narrow bench to sit down on. Alice climbed in behind me, pausing to kiss Jasper quickly before sitting down across from me. It was colder here in the boat, and I wrapped my arms around myself as a rather strong breeze blew, blowing a little bit of the spray from the water over me.

"Head straight that way." Sam instructed, "You should be able to move undetected."

"Thank you." Jasper replied, nodding, "For everything."

I jumped a little as we got moving, Jasper tugging us fully into the water easily. He didn't even seem to mind the fact that he was getting soaking wet in the water, so I decided not to complain about a little bit of mist.

Soon enough, we were moving steadily through the water, Jasper pulling the boat along as he swam.

"When are we going back?" I asked, "Not that this isn't fun and all, but I don't think now is the best time to leave them. I don't know what time Carlisle and Esme are leaving tomorrow, and I kind of don't want to sleep right through it."

"We aren't." She finally sighed, and I frowned. Shocked, as well as confused.

"We aren't?" I asked, "What do you mean?"

"We aren't going back." She said, waiting for that to sink in, "Leandra, trust me. This is the safest way." I whimpered, turning a little to look back across the water to the beach. I could barely see it with how dark it was, holding onto the side of the boat as the motion of looking back almost sent me off balance.

I couldn't make it back even if I was brave enough to try. I'd promised I wouldn't try swimming again, and I meant it. The thought of just jumping into the water scared me enough. I hadn't realized until then exactly how big of a phobia of the water I really had. It was just something I couldn't do.

"Why would we leave them?" I asked incredulously, "That would have been nice to know! I didn't even get to say goodbye!" I was getting pretty upset now. Especially knowing I couldn't get back to the beach by myself. She'd known that, and she'd known I wouldn't even try. Which was why she waited to tell me until we were all the way out here.

"Leandra, the house is going to be filled with vampires." She stressed, "Very few are like us. In fact, none aside from our family choose a diet of animal blood. To the rest, you'd be a walking snack. Tempting them with every breath you took." I waited, knowing she was right, "You would need more than Seth to keep you safe. I don't know what Carlisle was thinking." I glared a little, not liking her doubting him, "Not only that, but if there is one person you don't want to meet, it would be Aro."

"Who is Aro?" I asked tensely. I recalled that name, though. Edward had mentioned something about Aro that day before the wedding. How he had a gift similar to Aro's, but different.

She sighed, but spoke again. Explaining in thorough detail about what was coming. Aro, Caius, and Marcus. The three immortals that ran the Volturi. Carlisle hadn't had a chance to go into specifics before, but I doubted hearing it from him would have been any better. The way she described them were two words that shouldn't ever be together. Heartless, and determined. They craved complete power and submission from every angle, and that was the way it was. From what she told me, they bullied others, and they got away with it. Because no one else could win against them.

Each sentence from her mouth scared me even more. As much as it scared me, though, I could only think about the rest of the family facing them without us. Or at least, without Alice and Jasper.

Jasper, under the water, seemed to find it fit to let me cry again. Knowing how much this bothered me, and how much I hated this. It wasn't fair. I was outraged that they would drag me along with them as they abandoned those they considered family. Why would they choose to leave in a time like this?

My numbness earlier made me understand, as did the things Alice said to me earlier. She was saying those things because she knew the whole time that Jasper would be kidnapping me, and the numbness was to make his job easier. I felt almost betrayed, in a way. I would never have left if I'd known we'd be completely abandoning the others. Never. They knew this, and they took precautions to ensure my cooperation.

"Leandra," She said in closing, "The moment you see what's to come, you'll know exactly why we chose to take you with us." She paused, "And now that you're with us, I can see them clearly again."

That took my attention, "I was in the way?" That was news, and it made the whole situation different. That was different. It definitely justified us leaving.

"Essentially." She replied apologetically, "Since I can't see you, there were so many spots when it was difficult to see the others. I'm sorry."

"It makes sense." I muttered, my feelings of betrayal easing. At least she had a legitimate reason for taking me along when she knew I'd choose to stay if I'd known. It made it far from okay, however.

"But they won't know." I cried quietly, "Won't they worry? They don't know I'm gone."

She crossed the boat, sitting beside me now as she put her arm around me, "Carlisle won't try to wake you until he absolutely has to. Sam will get there in the morning before they notice you're gone. He'll deliver the note I gave to him, and he'll tell them that you're with us. They'll know you're safe with us, and that's all that'll matter to them."

"I didn't get to say goodbye." I repeated. I rested my head on her shoulder, sighing a sob.

"I'm sorry." She said, rubbing my arm comfortingly, "This is the best way."

I didn't argue now. I wanted to go home, but they knew what they were doing.

"Alice," I mumbled, looking up, "What's going to happen?" She looked away.

"We're going to try to find answers." She replied, "Anything that might give them a fighting chance." That wasn't what I was asking, but her reluctance to tell me made me worry. I looked down now, trying to warm up my hands, "Remember the promise Carlisle made you make to him?" I nodded, "I want that same promise, Leandra. We'll find you someplace to stay that's safe, and sometimes, one of us won't be able to stay behind with you. We'll both need to leave you. I want your word that you'll stay put."

"I have nowhere to go." I reminded her, "So I have no reason to leave."

"Regardless." She insisted and I sighed.

"Alright." I said, "I promise." She gave me another comforting smile, hugging me a little tighter.

"You'll be okay, Leandra." She told me, and I looked down.

"It's not me I'm worried about."

Even as fast as we were going, it still took us several hours to get to wherever we were going. I had no sense of direction, but at some point, I decided to try to sleep. I was so worn out, and getting pretty nauseous at the movement of the boat.

I curled myself on the bottom of the boat, using Jasper's shirt as a pillow. I barely managed to snooze, and when I couldn't leave my eyes shut anymore, I rolled over and looked up at the sky. I'd never, in my entire life, seen so many stars. I never even imagined that many stars could be seen at one time.

Laying back like this, moving through the water as I stared made me feel a little dizzy, and made me feel so small. Small, but not in a bad way. Staring up at all of the sparkling dots above us, I'd never had this feeling before.

That was the only thing that kept me from continuing my crying, or throwing up. The sight of the stars kept my attention until dawn started to lighten the sky.

At one point, Jasper climbed back into the boat. He was careful not to step on me as I laid there quietly, and he rowed the boat from there, which told me we were close to land. Dawn was still about an hour away, but I knew he was in a rush. He didn't ask for his shirt back, so I kept it under my head. Staring up at the stars for as long as I could.

We'd come to shore outside of a rather large city. Larger than I'd ever seen before. This place looked like it had everything, but we were far enough away from anyone on the beach that I knew no questions would be asked.

"Remember." Alice told me as we left the boat, "You promised."

"Where are we?" I asked quietly, looking up at her.

"Iquique, Chile." She answered, "Here, we can find you somewhere to stay where you'll be comfortable while Jasper and I are gone tonight." I nodded in understanding, "We need to hurry, though."

Luckily, we weren't far from a hotel. There was one about ten minutes' walking distance from the beach. I was kept in tow, my hand staying firmly in Alice's hand, despite how tired I was.

We checked into the hotel with plenty of time to spare, as it turned out. We had more than enough time to get up to our very private, very large and spacious room, and close the curtains before the sun hit the building.

Apparently, Jasper and Alice had a fortune in cash of their own. I didn't know how that came about, but I didn't ask. They rented the room for two nights, making sure it was the most private one they had. Pretty much soundproof, thankfully. Knowing I'd have to sleep, and knowing what that sleep would bring.

Alice, without any prompting, left the room again. Muttering something about a change of clothes for me from the gift shop. I was still in my pajamas, which I'd nearly forgotten about. My pajamas and sweater had managed to get soaked through, even inside the boat. It was more uncomfortable than cold, though, and I already knew I'd need to at least change clothes before even attempting to sleep.

I was more than ready to just drink some water, and fall asleep, though. Even with how uncomfortable my pajamas were.

Jasper stood watch carefully at the window while I sat on one of the two king sized beds in the room. I didn't even have the energy to go into the bathroom to fill up a cup to drink. It was a fight just to pull off my sweater. I managed to, though, and remembered about the key around my neck. Intensely grateful that I remembered to leave it on. I pulled it out of my shirt, and looked down at it.

"I wasn't even the one towing the boat, but I'm sore all over." I sighed after a few minutes, and Jasper smirked a little, glancing back at me. I wasn't smiling, though. I was homesick. I hadn't even been away from home for a day, and I wanted to go back.

"Leandra." Jasper called, knowing exactly how I was feeling, "Come here." I forced myself to my feet, and slowly crossed the room. Just as I made it to the window, he pulled open the curtain enough to let me look out. I flinched a little as the bright morning sun met my eyes, and I looked over the beach below.

He was quiet as he let me get a good look. It was barely morning, and there were already plenty of people on the roads and packing the beach.

"Tonight," He said after a moment, "Alice and I are going north. You can't come along, unfortunately, but I know you'll be sufficiently occupied."

"I'll probably be sleeping." I mumbled, stepping closer to the window.

"Tomorrow night, when we leave, we'll be taking you along, and leaving you somewhere more private. The closest city there, would be Porto Velho in Brazil, fifteen miles away. There's a little secluded house there available for us to rent. I think you'll be more comfortable there."

"How long will I be there?" I asked, still scanning the sprawling city.

"There will be times when just one of us goes, or when we stay for a day." He continued, "It's going to take us some time to get these people to trust us enough to tell us what we need to know." Again, that wasn't what I asked, but his answer raised another question.

"Who?" I asked, looking up at him, "What are you looking for?"

"They might have some information that will be pivotal to the visit from the Volturi." He explained, "Without that information, it'll be very difficult to prove what we need to prove." I looked back out over the beach, and the busy city below. The sunlight on my face was quickly warming my skin. I found it pretty uncomfortable, to be honest.

"I'll be good." I murmured, "You don't have to worry about me."

"I hope not." He said, "Because we brought you along mostly to keep you safe, Leandra. If you're always running off to find trouble, that would make our job a lot harder."

"Naturally." I mumbled, "So don't worry. As much as I'd rather be home, I know why you brought me along. I don't like it, but I won't bug you about it."

"And I'm counting on you to try and work through your emotions enough to handle yourself while we're gone tonight." He continued, "Because you'll be on your own."

"That's why you've been letting me feel things." I muttered in understanding, "I was wondering."

We both turned, looking back at the door as Alice returned. I looked back up at Jasper, watching as he closed the curtain again. Successfully closing off the sunlight behind it.

"I can't call home, can I?" I asked quietly. His expression softened, and he sighed as he shook his head.

"I'm afraid not, Leandra." He said, "They can't know where you are, or what we're doing here. That's the whole point of kidnapping you last night."

"Here, Leandra." Alice took my attention now, "I got you a few different sets of clothes to hold you for now. Sometime soon, when we have some extra time during the evening, we'll see what else we can pick up for you." I nodded in understanding, heading over to the piled clothes on the bed. The pajamas I wore felt too sticky, still wet from the boat ride, even with the help of the sunlight.

"Get some sleep." Jasper told me, "I know you're exhausted."

"Shower first." I disagreed, "I smell like water. I hate it." I chose a dark blue t-shirt, and light gray shorts to wear after my quick shower.

By the time I came back out, the bed had been cleared off, and the blankets pulled back so as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, I took a couple of sips from the bottle of water sitting on the table beside the bed, and fell into the sheets.

I wasn't even awake long enough to pull the blanket over me, but once again, I really wasn't asleep that long.

There were still parts to this vision that I couldn't see, but I still reacted to. I don't know why I thought that would change since I wasn't at home anymore, but my loud sobbing cries made me face reality.

Something was going to go wrong.

The breaking of my heart was a strong indication, and a massive understatement. It was far worse than that. There was only one thing I could think of that would hurt that badly, but I refused to consider it. It just wouldn't make sense, no matter how hard I tried.

Thankfully, they hadn't left yet, and Alice was at my side in the time it took me to choke on a gasp for breath and fling upright in bed. Holding me while Jasper worked on my emotions. Somehow, the two of them as a team were able to get me calm enough that nobody who possibly heard me would still be tempted to call the police.

They managed to calm me down in record time, but there was still a good amount of time that I sobbed into a thick pillow, trying to muffle the sound. Trembling in my effort to shut the hell up.

"It's changed now, hasn't it?" Alice asked me, and I focused on my breathing, nodding, "That's because you're not there anymore."

"Why can I only see visions when I'm asleep?" I asked, looking up at her. I needed an answer to that one question. I needed to focus on something else besides the heartbreaking sadness and the panic.

"Because you're still human." She said, "Visions come from a whole different part of your mind that you don't usually use while you're awake yet. When you're sleeping, it's easier for you to see them, because your consciousness isn't fighting it." That was interesting.

"That makes sense." I mumbled, left over tears scattering down my cheeks. I gasped, sighing shakily as my tears renewed, "I want to go home. Something is going to go wrong, and I can't just leave them."

"I know." She murmured, hugging me again, "Believe me, I know. I want to be there so badly, too. Right now, though, this is the best we can do."

That was the answer I was going to get. I had to accept that I couldn't be there for them, and that destroyed me. I felt lower than dirt for abandoning them that way, even when I knew it wasn't my fault. I knew it wasn't Alice or Jasper's fault, either.

From what Alice told me, the one thing Aro wanted most was a prophet. What was to keep him from taking one of us as a keepsake? Like any bully, he could get away with taking something, or someone, that didn't belong to him. That thought alone made this whole thing seem necessary. I just had to keep reminding myself of that, and I knew it would take a long while, but I would eventually adjust.

Thankfully, nobody said a word about the noise I made. Either they couldn't hear me, because of the privacy of the room, or they just chose not to comment. I couldn't eat. Not after the night I had. I just wasn't hungry. I couldn't force myself to eat, either. I knew that wouldn't end well.

True to their word, Alice and Jasper left me that night. Leaving me in the hotel to recover the best I could by myself.

I watched a little bit of TV, but turned it off when I started to miss Emmett. I did some wandering around the room. Curiously looking through the other sets of clothes Alice chose for me. Lots of tank tops and cotton shorts. Only two t-shirts. That bothered me a little, but I figured I'd live with it.

If the sunlight coming through the window was any indication, this place was much warmer than home. I knew her choosing tank tops was just an effort to keep me cool, and not as a fashion statement. She thought of everything.

The night had just begun, and I was already edgy. Leaving my emotions to myself without a distraction was proving to be very difficult. So I did what anyone would do. I went for a walk.

Making sure I had the key to the room in my hand, I left the room, and I headed outside. I knew I wasn't wearing the best clothes to wander around the city, but I wasn't going to go far. I knew better than that.

I'd go maybe a block away, and turn around. Head in the next direction, and turn around a block that way. Until I got braver, and I went further.

Walking, though, was helping. It made me focus on something else for a change, clearing my head as much as it could be cleared. That was an amazing feat in itself, but it wouldn't last. I knew that immediately. I knew not to get my hopes up.

Man, I was lonely.

I didn't have anyone to talk to. No one I trusted enough to talk to, anyway. I was always so used to having someone available to talk to whenever I wanted. Now, without a way to talk to them, I didn't know what to do with myself.

I found my way to the beach. I wouldn't go any further than that, though, keeping the brightly lit hotel in sight at all times. I could find my way back to it, even in the dark. I kicked off my shoes once I hit the still-warm sand, standing at the point where the water would just hit my toes, and staring out across the dark water. I couldn't see much, but I managed to see enough to just watch.

I figured a good way to ignore my emotions was to try to get myself over the phobia I had of large bodies of water. Rivers, lakes, oceans. Anywhere but the bathtub, for example. Letting my toes sit in the water was just a start.

I was there for hours. I could see the stars here too, but not like before. I found myself sitting on the sand, not minding the way the water would get my legs wet. Thanks to the shorts, it wasn't too uncomfortable as I looked up, watching the stars just as much as I had the night before. I didn't know what made them so fascinating to me, but I had an idea.

It was probably the small feeling it gave me. It was so different from the way I'd feel small before. It was the kind of feeling I'd feel in my stomach, and I didn't mind it that way. I'd never seen the stars like this before. It seemed to be the only good thing about this whole thing.

I continued to sit there, eventually laying back. The sand was soft enough that it was comfortable to lay on. No rocks, or hard pieces to hurt. Just soft sand. It was easier to look up this way. I laid there for about another hour, knowing I'd probably have to get back soon. My fingers played with the key still hanging around my neck absentmindedly. Probably as a way to get rid of nervous energy.

"You okay, kid?" I jumped, looking over at someone standing there. I sat up quickly, looking to the older man standing there. He looked maybe mid-thirties, but spoke perfect English. That was new to me. His shoes in one hand, he looked like he'd been walking the beach. Seeing my reaction, he only laughed, "Easy. Just checking. You've been here for awhile."

"I'm fine." I sniffed, "Been watching me?"

"No." He said, holding his hands up defensively, "I've just been out here awhile myself, and haven't seen anyone around to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine." I repeated, easier now. He only seemed honestly concerned. I forced myself to my feet, really not wanting to leave, but highly distrusting of him.

"I was just making sure." He clarified, "Out here to watch the stars? Nowhere better to do it."

"I should probably get back." I said, "You probably should try not to worry so much."

"No, you don't have to leave." He called as I went to walk passed him, "I'll leave you alone now."

"Don't worry about it." I grumbled, making my way back up the beach. I was actually really disappointed. I had been looking forward to being able to stay for at least a little while longer. I was rethinking that, since I couldn't even lay motionless on the sand without someone asking me if I was still alive.

To my surprise, he followed me. I looked over at him.

"At least let me walk you back to the hotel." He said, "A kid like you wandering alone?"

"A kid like me?" I demanded, "What do you know about me?"

"Whoa, kid." He laughed, hardly phased, "I didn't mean anything by that."

"Then you should probably watch what you say." I walked faster. He seemed friendly enough, but I would prefer to get back to the safety of people. As much safety as they could possibly provide.

I knew from my time spent in Port Angeles that I was less likely to be bothered when I was around a lot of people.

"Point taken." He said, "Where are you from?"

"The moon." I said, irritated, "I'm fine. You don't have to follow me."

"Do your parents know you're out here?" He asked, "Maybe I should inform them myself."

"No, you shouldn't." I snapped, "It's none of your business."

"But it is theirs." He countered. I glared up at him, stopping mid-step and turning to face him.

"I swear, if you don't turn your ass around right now, I will scream bloody murder."

"Go right ahead." He called my bluff, "You know, it would serve you right if I was some kind of sicko. It would certainly teach you not to go wandering around after midnight."

"Fuck you." I spat, turning back around and trying to walk away.

"Wait a minute." He followed, taking my arm. It was only instinct to pull my arm from his hand roughly and punch straight for a spot that would let me get away without him following. With him not expecting that, I was successful, and didn't stop to watch him crumble to the sand.

It was definitely harder to run on sand, but somehow I managed. Running as quickly as I could up the concrete steps that separated the city from the beach, not bothering to stop to put my shoes back on. I just carried them with me, and ran the entire way back to the hotel. I jumped through the front entrance to the hotel, and straight for the elevators. I was taking no chances, and I was glad I didn't. The elevator doors closed just as I watched him enter the lobby.

With as many rooms as this place had, I knew he'd never be able to find me. Just in case, once I got to the room, I double locked the door. It took me a minute, leaning against the door to catch my breath, before I could move further into the room.

Maybe I'd overreacted, but I wasn't about to underreact. Not when Alice couldn't see me, and not when I was here alone. I was on my own, and tonight definitely made me realize that. I wasn't leaving the room by myself again. I would stay here.

I was alone the rest of the night, and the entire next day. After a few hours of nobody demanding I open the door, I started to relax a little, and I snoozed until dawn. Not trusting myself to fall asleep fully, I was very cranky by the time they did get back that evening.

Only getting up to unfasten the top lock, I walked away as they came in. Laying back down across the bed.

"How did your night go?" Alice asked, closing the door behind them.

"Shitty." I replied tiredly, "Yours?"

"About the same." She sighed, sitting beside me.

"When you take me to that house," I said, turning over to look at her, "Are there any other people around there?" I glanced to Jasper, watching as he went to the window. I didn't know what he was watching for, but if it made him feel better, I didn't care what he did.

"Not for quite some distance." She admitted, thinking I'd be upset, "The whole idea of moving you there, is for complete privacy. Something you can't get here."

"Good." I said, "Then maybe I can sleep." She patted my hands folded on my stomach, standing.

I laid there sleepily, watching Alice get to work packing a fabric bag with the clothes she'd gotten me. Until I didn't want to watch that anymore, and I stared up at the ceiling.

"We're going to stop by the clothing shop up the street to get you some other items you'll need." She informed me, and I sat up.

"Like what?" I asked, frowning a little.

"Really?" She asked, "You can't think of anything missing?"

"I'm so tired, I can barely remember my name right now." I snapped back, not appreciating her tone.

"The gift shop doesn't sell underwear, Leandra." She pointed out and I sighed.

"Right." I mumbled, shaking my head, "I forgot."

"We'll just run in and get some." She said, zipping up the small bag, "We can't take too long." That was fine by me.

We got in, and I grabbed a pair of jean shorts, and a pair of sandals to buy as well. She gave me a look.

"I think these would be more comfortable than wearing these cotton ones all the time, and with these shoes, I don't need socks." I explained, and she nodded. Accepting that as explanation enough, she didn't mind.

We were out of the store within ten minutes, meeting Jasper out front. Unzipping the bag, I stuffed everything into it, and zipped it back up. Alice took my hand, and turned. Before we could leave, though, someone called behind us.

"There she is." I glared back at him, "I thought you'd left already."

"I'm not alone this time, asshole." I snapped, "Keep moving." Jasper gave me a look, turning his eyes back to the man from the night before. Sensing how protected I was with these two, he hesitated, nodded, and left.

"Want to explain?" Alice asked as we started on our way.

"No." I replied flatly.

Once they could run, we got there pretty quickly. This small, very small house in the middle of the forest wasn't bad. It was closer to where they needed to be, and secluded.

When they left, I'd be so completely on my own, nobody would hear me, but that didn't bother me. Somehow, this little secluded house had running water, but I was advised not to drink it. It was safe enough to wash with, but that was about all, and electricity. Not a whole lot of anything else, though. Basics.

There were a whole lot of windows to this place. At least three large windows in each wall of the single bedroom house. Making the surrounding scenery plainly visible, but the windows seemed sturdy enough. A queen sized bed, a bedside table holding a small lamp, and a small four drawer dresser were the only articles of furniture the bedroom had to offer.

The little living room had a single sofa, table, and lamp. That was it.

Coming back out into the living room from looking around the place that was home until they finished whatever they were up to and took me somewhere else, I didn't like the look of dread on their faces. They'd have to leave me again tonight. I'd expected this, so I just sighed. Nodding.

"I'll be back by dawn." Alice told me, "I'll bring you something to eat." I just turned, heading back into the bedroom. I would do my best to sleep, but I knew waking up alone would be the hardest part of the entire situation.

This would be a very long night.

**A/N: Big change. I know.  
Time passes quicker in the next chapter. I'm a little sad, to be honest. This story is coming to an end.** **Maybe one, two more chapters left until it's over.  
Sad, I know. :'(  
THANK YOU to my reviewers! Without you, I literally couldn't have gotten over 100 reviews on this. Thank you to Guest for my 100th review. Wish I could mention you by user name lol but this works too. :)  
Long A/N short, I'll be working on twenty-four as much as I can. I've pretty much got the rest of the story outlined, so that shouldn't take much time. We'll see, though. ****Until twenty-four, my lovelies. :)  
**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

The first few days there weren't that bad, but around the fourth day mark, it was starting to grate on me.

There were four rooms to this little house, and really not much to look at. A small kitchen, of course the living room, and bedroom, with an attached bathroom. No air conditioning, or even a fan, so that along with the squeezing humidity and heat only made it worse. So much worse.

On top everything else, Alice reminded me of my impending 'monthly' visitor by returning with a certain box, and I wasn't looking forward to that. My emotions were already all over the place, and this would only add to it.

If I ever thought myself lonely before, that was an extreme understatement as to how I felt now.

Boxed in. Claustrophobic at times, and endlessly restless. I'd pace the entire length of the house, probably over a hundred rounds a day. Just for something to do besides be stuck alone with my thoughts.

There were moments when I couldn't take the silence, so I'd go outside to listen to the birds and animals out there. The humidity was the same inside or outside the house, so going outside where the sunlight managed to reach me was almost too much, but I had to do something to get away from the silence inside.

On the plus side, I was getting pretty tan. My usually light skin was darkening. Not by much, and I burned pretty decently the first day or so being there, but after that faded, I got used to it.

Often barefoot on my trips outside, as I never bothered with shoes anymore, I learned quickly to look before I stepped. The ants here weren't fucking around, given the new torn skin in the bottom of my left foot from their bites.

So I took a bottle of water, and drowned the entire pile the best I could. I knew there were survivors, but it wasn't like I could just hunt them down. Muttering the entire time, "Little bastards."

Inside, it was too quiet, everything too still. I'd spend hours sitting there, remembering every single time when I was too cold. The silence while they were gone was enough to physically hurt, and the migraines were debilitating. Outside, everything moved, and there was never a moment without some kind of sound. The house being surrounded by trees I'd never seen before, which moved in the slight hot breeze that blew. Insects and birds. It was much easier to bear being outside than inside.

I still hated it, because I was alone. Nobody to talk to but myself, and I often worried myself by how often I would answer my own questions out loud.

Literally bored to tears, I cried during the day. Only to snooze, but wake before night fell completely to someone returning to check on me, and bring me something to eat. I was so used to having someone around me all the time, that it didn't take me long to beg them through sobs to just stay one night.

I ate a lot of fresh fruit, and drank a lot of bottled water. Nothing but, actually. I was beginning to hate both options, and often chose to go without.

I was just starting to learn how to control my emotions again, but it was hard. Especially with the crushing loneliness and the never-ending depression I often faded to after my usual waking sobs.

Only a week had passed, and I was already losing it.

The first day of the next week brought me a visitor I could have done without. Teaching me the hard way to leave the windows closed. Jasper returned that evening to find me locked in the tiny bathroom, armed with only the hairbrush I rarely used.

Somehow, a rather _huge_ bright green snake had found its way into the bedroom. More curious than anything, not even bothering to look at me as I proceeded to scream and sprint from the room.

I left the windows closed and locked after that. I would deal with the baking heat inside if it meant not getting eaten.

And I snoozed, barely aware that November had ended, and December had started. I learned quickly that this part of the area had one season. Sticky, and very deeply uncomfortably hot and humid. That was the season. Hell.

I learned that week, though, that a cold shower did wonders for cooling off. I'd avoided the shower like the plague after learning that the house had no water heater, so cold was the only way to go. I refused. Not after being forced to endure nothing but cold showers for more than half of my life, but here, it wasn't that bad.

I'd shower just to cool off in the afternoon, and head outside still soaking wet. The breeze wasn't hot when I was wet, so it made everything just a little more bearable. Not by much, but it was a big difference.

My routine evened out, and I found myself adapting, but one thing remained horrible.

Sleep brought me no relief anymore. Not even a little bit. From the time I left the hotel, I'd only gotten fifteen minutes, at most, of sleep a night or day. I was constantly so tired, cranky, and very emotionally unstable.

This place was messing with my head, and my visions. It pressed me hard whether I was awake or asleep now. There was no chance of peace, and I felt like I was getting squeezed. Strangled. Boxed in even more. Closed in, even outside.

My routine soon became sitting in the dirt outside until the afternoon. After the usual spray-off, now clothes and all, I'd climb a tree to reach the breeze easier, and cry. Usually staying there until someone came back. I'd jump down from the tree, and I'd go back inside. Sleep for fifteen minutes, and be up the rest of the night.

I got no news about how their mission was going, and I didn't ask. I did ask, however, about one thing.

"When can I be around people again?" I asked, trying to dust the permanent dirt stains off my jean shorts.

"I really don't know." Alice sighed, "I know this is hard on you, Leandra."

"You have no idea." I mumbled, sitting on the couch. Drawing my legs up to my chest. That was the only way I sat now. An outer reflection of how I was feeling inside when Jasper wasn't around to give me just a few minutes of relief.

"Actually, I do." She said, "I can see it as plainly as you feel it. We're only keeping you isolated for your own good, Leandra."

"Yeah, yeah." I replied, "Because I can't sleep anymore."

"What would make this easier on you?" She asked, sitting beside me.

"People." I said simply, "It's hard here. Here, I have no choice but to think, and you know what that does."

Two weeks had passed since I'd been there, and I had yet to take off the key around my neck. I gazed at it now, which I often avoided doing unless I wanted a really good cry, and I looked back up at Alice, "I want to go home."

The first day of the third week there, I spent crying. I missed everyone.

I laid in bed for the better part of half the day, until finally moving to the floor at the foot of the bed. Somehow, the silence helped this time. I never bothered to take the cooling shower, so my clothes clung uncomfortably to me.

I didn't know where Alice and Jasper would take me from here, but I missed the hotel. Very much. I missed air conditioning, and the option to stay cool without having to go outside. I missed how the sheets of the bed there managed to stay cool, and were comfortable. Not hot and clingy.

I missed however little sleep I did manage to get before. It wasn't eight hours, but it was more than fifteen minutes every now and then. If something didn't give soon, I'd probably finally fully crack, and just lay down to die.

My entire body constantly hurt so bad, aching almost unbearably, and I knew that was because I hadn't hardly slept. If I didn't know before, I knew now how important sleep really was.

The hotel wasn't an option until I could keep myself from screaming in my sleep, or bawling like I'd been stabbed. Isolation was the safest way to keep people from asking questions, and with each passing second, I hated myself. I hated how I had no control, and I hated how I couldn't even begin to figure out how to gain that control.

The fourth day of the third week there was spent entirely up in a tree, and somehow, I knew they wouldn't be back that night. Again, I hadn't bothered to take the cooling shower, so my newly tanned skin was as filthy as my clothes were.

I spent that night staring up. I hadn't been out here at night before, surprisingly, and I found from my position in the tree, I had a very clear view of the sky. Unless an animal ate me, I was staying to look at them all night.

I would figure this out.

Thinking, as I did non-stop nowadays, I thought harder than I had in my life. Reflecting, remembering, reconsidering. One part of my mind working overtime, the other listening for any signs I was about to be eaten or bitten by something that would kill me. I was left alone, thankfully, so I continued to think.

Every memory I had, every thought, every half or full vision, every emotion led to one single question. A question I kept having to tear myself away from, because I was so very close to finding the answer to it.

What was I capable of?

What could I do?

I knew that fighting being here was only making it harder on myself. This place wasn't _so_ bad. Sure, it was lonely, and sure, it was hot and miserable, but there was a limit to the suffering here. It was pretty, and it hardly ever rained for being in the rainforest. Sure, there were things here that could kill me, but that was everywhere, and I had a talent for finding such things.

Standing up on the branch, I made sure to keep a hold of the tree. The last thing I needed was to fall and break my neck the second I decided to try to stop being so miserable.

I missed everyone at home, but they wouldn't want me to be so unhappy. I could miss them, and learn to like it here. There was nothing wrong with that. The night sounds around me were so different than those at home. Focusing on that made it easier to focus on my thoughts.

What would my family tell me, if they knew what was on my mind?

Emmett would tell me to cheer up, and stop being such a wuss. He'd grin, and tell me that what I lived through was way worse than this place was. Rosalie would roll her eyes. I'd give anything to fight with her again, I smirked.

Edward would try to translate how miserable I was, and give me a long winded explanation about what it meant, just to attempt to make it alright.

Esme would tell me to smile more. She'd tell me that I deserved to be happy, and Carlisle would agree, and he'd tell me to try to look on the bright side. He'd tell me that it wasn't as bad as it seemed, and I just had to choose to see it differently. Man, I was such a pain in the ass. If I ever saw them again, I would be the perfect child. Or at least, try to be.

I would take their advice.

If I just accepted it, I would stop being so miserable, and I would actually not hate it anymore. That was sorted, and I hated it less. Just like that. All it was, was how I looked at it. I was only making myself miserable by choosing to be.

Just like that, I could think clearer.

Through the night, I had found multiple answers to questions I didn't even know I had about myself. I understood more about myself than I had ever expected to understand. Sure, I was a handful. I was messed up, and I made mistakes, but I was braver than any other human I'd ever met. That bravery sometimes did border insanity, but who else could say that about themselves? I didn't think being described as 'too brave' was a bad thing.

And it didn't just involve certain points in my life, that bravery. By choosing to keep breathing, and keep moving forward despite everything I'd left behind, I could consider myself brave. I was brave everyday. Every time I recovered from a dream, every time I cried instead of holding it back, every time I looked back and realized how lucky I was now, I was brave.

That's what they were all trying to tell me. Bravery like that wasn't something that could be learned. It could only be earned. It came from pain, and from learning how to heal. It came from struggling, and learning to let go. It came from trusting, despite being burned so many times before, and since.

If there was one thing, one major thing, I'd learned since meeting my family, it was trust. There were so many other things they'd taught me, but the one major lesson I learned was trust, and that was from Carlisle.

Carlisle had shown me what it was like to trust someone, and not have it end in pain. The first time I'd ever made the decision to trust someone enough to tell them what I hid so fiercely, it was Carlisle that had shown me how. Patiently waiting for me to fight the fear aside enough to tell him.

That was exactly why he meant so much to me.

It was more than trust, it was more than knowing he'd never hurt me. It was the fact that the only thing he expected of me, was to do my best. Take one day at a time, and learn the things I never got to when I was a kid.

Carlisle was trust, and he was safety. Bottom line.

Carlisle was everything I'd ever wanted growing up. The dad I never had, and the very definition of strength, but patience. He was who I looked up to most, even as I struggled with my own impatience and quick temper.

I looked down, lifting the key enough to look at it. I'd had my share of struggles, and I'd had my share of doubts, but just because I was troubled didn't make me worthless.

That realization had me smile.

Still looking over the key, and the crest on it, I brought it closer. The silver key glinted in the dim light of the night around me. It meant more to me than just a piece of jewelery. It was everything I'd ever wanted.

I might not have been born into the family, but none of the others had been either. Well, they had been, in a sense, but I was just waiting for my turn. Just because I hadn't been born into the family didn't mean that I didn't belong there.

I did belong there. I'd always known it, and I'd always been accepted, but now I knew it. It was a fact. I belonged there.

Standing again, this time I let go of the tree. Looking up again at the stars, and still holding the key in my hands.

Nothing mattered anymore. Jack, the memories, the horrible things I would always remember. Nothing. My mom, my dad, my fear of abandonment. Nothing. My struggles, my fights, my doubts. My scars, both physically and mentally, even emotionally. My less than pleasant traits. Nothing. It didn't matter.

The only thing that mattered to me now, was what I held in my hands.

My past no longer mattered, and for the first time in my life, I was truly ready to let it go. I didn't understand what that meant before, but now I did. I figured out what it meant to just let it go. To accept myself the way I was, and move forward. For the first time in my life, I was ready to move on.

I was ready now to prove to Carlisle that he hadn't wasted his time, and that I could be the person he saw in me that day. I was ready now to prove to Carlisle that I was ready to accept the fact that yes, my past and my childhood had been a shame, and it had been very painful, but I could take strength and comfort from it. Knowing I had lived through that gave me strength, bravery, and courage like I'd never known.

I was done being defined by what happened then. I would make my own definition of myself.

I wouldn't let Jack hurt me anymore. I just had to decide to take comfort in the fact that I had my family for the rest of my life. That they would always be there to teach me, and to forgive my mistakes, as I was bound to make many more.

That was the key. I smiled a little, letting go of the key around my neck, and feeling it hang there gently. Alice couldn't have chosen a better pendant for me. There was nothing more fitting, than the key to letting go being my family.

The moment I let go, I felt a thousand times better. As long as I had my family, I could keep going. I would keep going. No matter what.

The weight of my past lessened drastically, and I took a deep breath. Holding it for a second, I let go. Of my burden, and my doubts.

I still had this vision to work through, but I knew that the moment that was through, I would have nothing left to fear. I knew now, by thinking hard about it, what I could do. Instead of shying away from it, I inspected it. The gift itself, not the vision.

By looking closer at my gift, I knew for a fact that it had grown. Without me hardly realizing it, it was much more developed than I thought it was. By sitting so often in the silence by myself, I was able to focus. Mostly without my knowledge, but I focused nonetheless on my gift and what it meant. In the back of my mind, I worked through my gift, finding the many layers that went with it.

While staring at the patterns in the floor, listening to the silence and hating how uncomfortable I was, I had been learning.

What was I capable of?

So much. Much more than anyone had thought before.

I made the decision that night. That very long night, that the moment I saw Alice or Jasper again, I would tell them to take me back. I didn't care about the risks, or what could happen. Which was a lot. I didn't care anymore. I wanted to go back. It felt so wrong to me not to be there.

Jasper and Alice were gone the entire next day, and I found I didn't worry too much about it. I managed to sleep for three hours this time, and though the pieces of the vision had yet to show themselves, I was able to calm myself much easier than before.

The part of the vision I still couldn't see still hurt me, and I woke up as upset as I always was, but I no longer needed Jasper to take my emotions.

I chose to use that time to hand-wash my jean shorts and the light gray tank top I had, and go back outside to sit in the afternoon sun. It didn't bother me anymore. I felt better about being there, even though I missed my family. I felt confident that I'd be going home soon. I felt sure that Alice would listen to me this time about wanting to go back.

We would go back.

While outside, my skin warming with the sun, I was debating whether or not to go back inside and rewet my clothes, when something caught my eye. I watched it in the tree for a few minutes, idly moving down the branches, curiously smelling where I'd been the night before.

By the time Alice came back that evening, I was still outside. Still covered in dirt, especially thanks to my wet clothes and skin, but I still felt much better.

She found me standing there, holding a very curious thin red, black and white banded snake I'd found. It's smaller size didn't worry me, and it only smelled me. All it did was wrap itself around my hand and wrist just tight enough to hold on as we looked at each other. It didn't look like it was upset, and it didn't look like it wanted to be left alone.

"Leandra." Alice seemed worried now, her voice carefully controlled, "You shouldn't be holding that." Knowing my moods the last few weeks, I could easily understand why she was worried. This snake was probably very highly venomous, and I had even considered that when I picked it up, but I liked it. It was pretty.

Without a fuss, I stepped over to the tree I'd plucked it from, and it willingly slithered up the branches. Back on its way to do snake stuff.

"How long are you staying this time?" I asked curiously, watching my snake friend leave, "How did it go?" Wondering to myself how to go about telling her I was ready to go back. I still felt confident that she would listen, but I didn't know how to actually approach the subject.

"We found it, Leandra." She told me, and I looked to her, "We finally got the information we were looking for. I'm sorry we couldn't come back last night. See, we had a very small window of opportunity, and needed to-"

"It's okay." I laughed a little, "I lived. The house didn't burn down, and some tiger didn't eat me."

"Are you hungry?" She asked, and I sighed.

"I'm hungry, yes." I admitted, "But am I hungry enough for fruit? No." I stepped passed her into the house, turning the lamp on beside the couch.

"Go get your shoes." She said, "I'll take you into town." I couldn't help smiling and running off. Grabbing my shoes before she could change her mind.

We had to walk through town to get there, but I didn't mind. It was so very relieving to be around others again. Even though I stuck close to her side, it was such a very pleasant change.

Somehow, she managed to find a place that served pizza. I thought I'd have to be eating some weird food that I'd never had before, but I was wrong. I wanted nothing healthy about the pizza, so I specified no veggies. Whatso-freaking-ever.

Of course, I got looks for my appearance, but I didn't care. I was bound to get some, because I looked like I'd just gotten done rolling in a dirt pile somewhere. My hair messily braided.

She sat with me, making small talk until my pizza got there. When the real conversation started as I ate. The pizza was really hot, but I didn't care. It was real food for once, and I would eat through the pain.

"You seem to be in a better mood." She pointed out, "What changed?"

"I have pizza now." I replied as soon as my mouth was clear, and she laughed.

"But before." She clarified and I smiled a little.

"I just figured some stuff out." I explained, "Last night. I sat outside in that tree, and I did nothing but think. About so many things." I paused for another scalding bite. Deciding then to let it cool a little bit.

"What kind of stuff?" She asked curiously.

"That's really hot." I pointed out, setting the piece down.

"Leandra?" She asked and I laughed a little.

"Just some stuff that I've been told over and over, and I guess I never got before." I shrugged, choosing to sip on the soda instead, "Which reminds me." I knew now was as good a time as any to bring it up, "I want to go back." She seemed a little surprised, "I mean, I know being there is a risk, but I want to. After how many risks they took for me, I think I owe them more than running away."

"You didn't run away." She reminded me, "We stole you."

"Kidnapped." I specified, "But that's not the point. The point is, I'm here when they're there. I want to be there. It's not right."

"Leandra, you know they'd prefer you be safe." She pointed out, and I sighed, looking down. I pinched the straw in my soda glass between my fingers, "That's what matters to them."

"I know." I said, not knowing what else to say, "I can't help it, though."

She was quiet for a moment, watching me. I began to get a little nervous. Hoping the answer wasn't flat out no. I really didn't want to argue with her, or worse, have to find my way back myself. Somehow.

"What I was saying before," She said finally, "We found it. What we were looking for. It took a bit of convincing, but they agreed to come back with us."

"You were looking for a person?" I asked, interested.

"Sort of." She replied, "We were looking for someone who would know anything about the legends here, and we finally found them."

"Legends?"

"They have legends here about.. Our kind." She explained, "Very long story short, the one with the answers led us to Nahuel."

"What's that?" I asked, not understanding.

"He's a hybrid." Her voice lowered, "Like Ness."

That was big. Like, really big.

"Wow." I muttered, "That would really help."

"It will." She said, "If I can put this together right, I can help them, Leandra. Everything has to be perfect, though, and I need your cooperation." I frowned a little, "If you move from the spot I put you, it'll change everything that needs to stay the same. I know better than to leave you here without us, and I know better than to expect you to stay away safely, but I know you're capable of at least staying in one spot."

"I can stay in one spot." I agreed, lifting my pizza slice again.

"If I can do this right, I can get them out of this." That made me smile, "We'll stay here until tomorrow night, and head back."

"We're going back?" My mouth was full, and I quickly swallowed the bite I'd taken.

"We're going back." She assured me, "I only told you we weren't going back because I knew if you'd known we would be, you'd want to shorten the trip." I nodded in understanding. She did know me. It irritated me that she would lie to me like that, but I was too relieved to argue. She was quiet for a second.

When she spoke again, her tone had softened and quieted, "Leandra, I'm sorry. What you'll eventually see in that vision is going to hurt you. I wish I could prepare you somehow, but the best I can do is be there when you finally see it."

"How do you know I haven't seen it already?" I asked curiously.

"Because you're talking to me right now." She said, "I don't know when you'll see the rest of it, but I do know that you will. You've been trying to see this for quite some time now, and it's slowly coming to you, but I worry about what the rest will do to you."

"It's bad." I muttered, already knowing.

"It's worse." She replied, and I looked up, "You'll be dropped off at home. To wait for us there-"

"You can't do that." I told her instantly, shaking my head.

"Leandra, that's the safest place-"

"No it's not." I insisted firmly.

"It's safer than where we'll be."

"No it's not." I repeated, looking up, "It's not. I have to be there."

"By being there, you'll only be proving that they've broken yet another rule." She explained, "You don't want to make it worse for them, do you?"

"Aro will know anyway." I replied, "He'll use his gift, and he'll know everything everyone else knows about me." She didn't know how to reply to that.

"Leandra-" Alice started.

"Would you rather me be protected, or would you rather me be a sitting duck at home?" I demanded, "It really wouldn't take much. Aro leaves a few of his hoard behind, closer to home than you will be." She was quiet now, and I looked down briefly, "They know exactly where we live, Alice. They're not stupid."

"How much do you know?" She asked, surprised. I glanced around, making sure no one was listening in.

"I've seen more." I admitted quietly, "It's not complete yet, but more pieces are becoming clearer. I know.." I sighed, "That there's a reason they chose to meet so far from home. They wanted everyone isolated. Away from the spot they're most comfortable. It had nothing to do with the humans, like you thought. Out in the open, sort of thing."

"Why haven't you said anything?" Alice muttered disappointedly, "I told you not to try to keep this hidden. What all do you know?"

"I've done everything else you've told me to do." I murmured, "And you're mad about that? I wasn't going to say anything, because it's so confusing."

"Why is it confusing?" She asked, before understanding came to her eyes, "You know more about your gift."

"I guess it took isolation to solve that little problem." I muttered, "I know the basics of what I can do. I had like nothing else to focus on."

"Tell me." She said, leaning forward. She was fascinated now, and I laughed a little.

"Wouldn't it be more fun to let you try to figure it out?" I asked smugly, and she sighed.

"Come on." She prompted and I smiled, nodding. It was hard to figure out how to word it right. She waited patiently.

"There's still more I don't understand about it yet, but.." I trailed off, pinching the straw again and glancing around again, "I see.. Everything at once. You were right about that, but it's more than that. I see.. Decisions, too. Like you do, but I see the decisions everyone involved makes, and all of the reasons behind them."

She was surprised at that piece of information, so I continued, "I see their reasons, and I see what could go wrong, along with what actually happens. Somehow knowing the difference. I can't explain that any more than you can."

"So you've seen what happens?" She asked, and I shook my head.

"Not yet. Up to a certain point, it's pretty clear." I admitted, "I'm still waiting for that part. I was right, though. There is so much more to this vision that I thought, which is why I still haven't seen how it turns out. There are _so_ many ways it could go wrong."

"That's.. Actually really amazing, Leandra." Alice admitted, laughing a little.

"There's still more I can see." I said, "But I can't tell what that is yet."

"So," Alice murmured, "You can see visions. In those visions, you see every possible outcome, including ways things can go wrong." I nodded, "You see the decisions that lead to those visions. Every single one of them?" I nodded again, "And the reasons behind those decisions?"

"Yeah." I sighed, "It's like.. Seeing the blueprints to the vision itself. Everything behind it, everything in front of it, and every possibility of it. Before the decision is even made."

"You found all this out on your own?" She asked, and I smiled slightly, nodding a little.

"I still have to sleep to see anything." I admitted, "I can't make myself have a vision while awake yet. It's there, though." I nodded, "I can feel it there, but if I try to make myself see it, it gets blurry again, and it hurts a little. Like.. Trying to see underwater. I know it's there, but I just can't see it yet." I frowned, trying to describe it, "Like at the point where it starts getting blurry, so many things can happen. Trying to show me everything at once, so it hurts to try, and it overwhelms me. I can't sort through it yet."

"Don't try." Alice insisted firmly, "Leandra, don't. I mean it."

"I'll try not to try, but no promises." I said, "I don't have control over it yet. Do you remember how I described my memories?" She nodded, "It's like that. It comes forward whether I want it to or not. It decides when it wants me to work on it. Not me."

"Okay." Alice sighed, "Just.. Talk to us about these things, okay?"

"I will when I have the chance to." I said, "When you're not off hunting hybrids." She smirked, looking down. I sighed, "I can't wait to go home. What are you going to do with me if I can't wait at home?"

"We'll figure that part out." She assured, "Don't worry. When Jasper gets back, we'll talk about it while you try to get some rest." I nodded, grabbing a second slice of pizza.

"And you'll talk about me." I muttered confidently.

"I thought you couldn't see while you're awake?" She smirked.

"I can't." I replied, "I just know you." We both laughed at that, and I looked down. I was quiet for a minute while I ate. Until I thought of something.

"You know." I mumbled, looking back up, "There's something I never asked you."

"What's that?" She asked.

"That day.. The day I met you.. You chose me." I said, and she smiled, "Did you see me coming?"

"No." She answered, "But I saw you when you got there."

"There were four of us there." I reasoned, "You could have chosen one of them."

"I wanted to choose one of the girls, and I've never really liked blondes." She replied easily, and I snorted. Choking a little on the soda I'd just sipped.

"You dodged a bullet there." I laughed when I recovered, "Rachel was such a bitch."

"I could tell." She nodded confidently.

"As many problems as I cause you and the family," I murmured, "I'm _so_ glad I punched her stupid face in that day." It was her turn to laugh.

"Leandra." She scolded lightly.

"What?" I asked, "She deserved it, and man, it felt good."

We returned not long later to find Jasper had gotten back. This was where I met Nahuel and Huilen. The hybrid, and his aunt. They seemed fascinated by me instantly, but I needed to get some sleep. Three hours definitely wasn't enough to hold me.

"Remember." Alice muttered to me as I hugged her, "Don't try to be brave about it. If you see anything tonight while you sleep, we'll be here all night."

I nodded a little, turning without another word. Her continuously warning me about the vision worried me. I'd known before that it was bad, but I worried about how bad it really could be.

I lay in bed for some time, thinking about what I'd thought about the night before. I was suddenly a little grateful for being kidnapped by Jasper. If I had stayed, I probably never would have been forced to think about these things, and I never would have learned all I had about myself.

It was always easier to sleep when I knew they were here. Even if they had brought new people by.

The boat ride back was delayed until later in the night, which was bad, but Alice assured us we'd get there in time. A little late, but not too late. Alice and Jasper spoke quietly the entire way now, because he chose to row this time.

Nahuel and Huilen chose to speak to me instead.

"It has to scare you." Nahuel spoke, and I looked up, "Being the only human."

"It doesn't." I replied, "Because they're all I have."

"You're.. A pet?" Huilen asked, trying to understand, "Forgive me, because I don't understand."

"It's okay." I smirked a little, "I'm not a pet. My family chooses to live as humans live. Among them. I met Alice first, then I met Carlisle."

"Your coven leader." Nahuel nodded, and I looked to him again.

"My dad." I corrected quietly, "He and Esme have been trying for almost two years to raise me."

"Raise you?" Nahuel asked, "Are you not already raised?"

"Not yet." I said, "I still have so much to learn and a long way to go. See, the coven I live with isn't just that. They're my family."

"It is a great risk to keep you with them." Huilen pointed out, "Yet they choose to keep you anyway."

"I don't understand it either." I smiled a little, "But there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Maybe I'm crazy, but it's how I feel."

"It's not often humans choose the company of us." Huilen smiled a little, and I nodded.

"I've been told." I laughed a little, "I'm not like other humans. I never have been. Maybe that's what made Carlisle look closer that day. I can't say for sure why he decided that I deserved to be saved, but I've known all along, I guess, that I belonged there. Even before I met him."

"You're special." Nahuel nodded, "You have a gift."

"We didn't know that before." I explained, "I've only been aware of it for a couple of months now. To be honest, I've hated it this whole time."

"Would it not be a gift to see what has yet to happen?" Huilen asked curiously.

"It's... More complicated than that." I tried to explain, "I don't have the hang of it yet, so it sort of runs my life."

It was just before dawn, the snowy sky just barely beginning to lighten when we reached shore, so we had just a short amount of time to make it to where we needed to be. I was taken on Jasper's back this time, Alice trailing behind us. Leading Huilen and Nahuel behind her.

For a moment, we stopped. It was much colder here. Having acclimated to the humidity and temperature of the rainforest, I shivered hard. Not used to the snow anymore.

"I'll take her." Alice volunteered, and I'd overheard that part.

"I'm not going anywhere." I spoke from Jasper's back, "But to Carlisle and Esme."

"Relax." She said, "I'll wait there with you while you get a change of clothes, so you don't freeze to death."

"Promise me." I said through my trembles, narrowing my eyes.

"I swear, Leandra." She responded, taking me from Jasper's back, "With what you told me, I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"We'll all go, just in case." Jasper commented, "It's safer that way. We need to be careful." I had an easier time believing that. Having them all there, for some reason, made it easier to believe that they wouldn't leave me.

I was shivering roughly by the time we got to the empty house. It was snowing here too, but inside was very warm. The moment I stepped in, I sighed heavily, and flopped face down on the couch.

"They're not here." I mumbled into the cushion.

"We should hurry." Jasper said, looking around.

"We're already running late." Alice told me, "They're already there. It's already started." That had me hopping up. Darting as quickly as I could to my room. I didn't want to be the reason we were too late. I didn't know it was going to be so soon.

"Don't leave without me." I called back.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jasper assured me, and he was telling the truth. I knew that immediately. Alice had filled him in, obviously.

I'd missed home more than I thought. Almost a month away from it. Now seeing the familiar sights, knowing my way around. It was a little bittersweet, but it would have been better if my family had been there.

I still missed them more than anything.

Opening my bedroom door, I could see instantly that it was just the same as when I'd left it. Nobody had messed with a thing, only added to it.

I had to take a minute, standing there in my bedroom as I saw the pile of wrapped Christmas gifts sitting by the lightening window. There were so many there, the pile almost reached the ceiling. It'd barely even registered to me how Christmas had already passed by two days now, but this was a painful reminder.

They didn't believe we'd ever be back.

I wondered what they'd told my dad. I was sure he'd wanted to see me for Christmas. What excuses they'd given Josh or Andrew. I wondered what made them possibly think I'd ever have that much stuff to ask for.

The year before, they hadn't been around. I wasn't particularly religious, but next year, I would insist we'd be together for the holidays, or die trying. Two Christmases in a row we were apart. It was getting ridiculous.

I pulled on my warmest set of clothes quickly. Not bothering to shower first, though I was sure I had to be filthy. It felt weird being completely covered again, but I knew better than to think I'd be fine without being bundled up.

I sniffled as I turned, fighting the tears as I turned off my bedroom light, and scooted from the room. I missed my family, and it was pretty disappointing that they weren't here, but I would see them again. I had to.

I came back out, to my relief, spotting the small group easily right where I'd walked away from them.

"I feel like a marshmallow." I grumbled, pulling gloves on.

"You can wait there with us in the trees, but you won't move. Not for anything." I nodded, letting him know I understood.

I sighed, looking around again, "I just got back. I don't want to leave the house again."

"I'm sorry." He said, lifting me quickly and easily, "There's no time. I would rather not leave a fresh scent for one of the guard left behind to follow if they decided to."

"Good point." I mumbled, sighing nervously as he turned and left the house. Alice and the two others following closely.

It took us about five minutes to get to where we needed to be, and we stopped somewhere in the middle of the snowy forest once more. Jasper set me on my feet, and I looked around myself, realizing this was different. This was much different than where we were before. We stood behind the treeline, being completely hidden now. It was bright here, the sky having lightened quite a bit since we'd been at the house.

I looked forward, however, through the trees and saw clearly the open clearing. The bright reflection of the snow was very, very familiar to me, and though it hurt my eyes, I didn't want to look away from those I saw standing out there.

I realized then that I had a front row seat to the entire clearing, and those standing in it. My eyes on a few people in particular.

"Stay." Alice whispered, gently squeezing my flushed cheeks in her hands as she regained my attention, "Don't go out there. Don't even move. No matter what, until I tell you it's safe."

"They're just right there." I plead in a whisper, "I've missed them so much."

"I know." She murmured, hugging me, "But please. Do this for me."

There were so many others standing with my family, and I knew every single one of them were there because they wanted to help. Whatever way they could. That was probably another reason why it was so confusing for me. I hadn't known this many vampires would show up.

The wolf packs, not just Jacob's, stood with them as well. Spread out through the group, and I started to hope, until I heard the very faint sound of a voice. It wasn't one I recognized, so I knew it belonged to someone in the much larger group standing across from my family and their group.

That had to be them.

Just seeing the size of the opposing group compared to my family's smashed that faint little glimmer of hope into little tiny pieces.

"Stay." Alice told me, "No matter what happens."

I spluttered for a moment, suddenly deeply terrified, watching as Alice gave Nahuel a look, and turned with Jasper. Both walking away. Leaving us behind in the trees.

**A/N: Outlining helps, I've heard. We know where this leads, don't we? If you've read the original, it's about the same. Maybe a _bit_ different, but nothing like what's coming.  
THANK YOU to my beautiful reviewers. I know not much happens in this chapter, but it was fun to put together. (:  
Next chapter, expect a HUGE change as well. I haven't even begun to put 25 together yet, but I'm pretty sure 25 will be the last, with an epilogue (or chapter twenty-six) to follow.  
I was asked: Will there be another story after this one?  
The answer: I will wait to answer that until you read 25. How it ends will be answer enough.  
SO ANYWAY. Until chapter twenty-five, my radiant readers. (:**


	25. Chapter 25

**IMPORTANT NOTE: I _assume_ all of you have seen Breaking Dawn part 2 by now. If not, be aware of spoilers. And stuff. ...Yeah... That's it.**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

I tried to follow as they started from the trees, but Nahuel's hands on my shoulders held me back.

Jasper and Alice had meant safety to me for the last month. Relying on them for everything, and they'd come through. For food, and shelter. For company and comfort. I owed them, big time, for taking me away from the house before I could face the danger that so many other vampires posed to me. I owed them, big time, for isolating me for just long enough to sort through so many things in my mind and keeping me from any distractions, as to figure out my gift. Had it not been for them, it would have taken me so much longer to figure everything out.

Not scurrying after them felt so very wrong to me.

I watched tensely, watching them get further and further. Stepping easily across the snow with purpose. Not seeming afraid in the slightest. It confused me, though, when they didn't go to our family's group, but headed straight for the other, larger opposing group. The Volturi. I assumed the one further ahead than the others was Aro.

I feared for them. Giving Nahuel a brief struggle, he made a small noise that took my attention briefly. Like scolding an animal. It worked, and I stopped. Just watching now.

Alice and Jasper were stopped forcefully in front of Aro's group, and she offered him her hand. I faintly heard her voice carrying back over the snow. It wasn't enough for me to hear any specific words, as I was too far away, but it worried me even more.

She was let through, but it looked like Jasper was held back.

What was she doing? She knew full well I was here in the trees, waiting. Because of that, Aro now knew. She was giving me away.

A few seconds passed, and she pulled back.

I watched, wide eyed as she spoke harshly to him, knowing that this was probably it. I could clearly hear her anger toward him in her voice. It carried further than her voice had before.

Alice turned and looked at the group. At the family.

Jake turned, and carried Renesmee off toward the trees behind our group. My eyes wide, I took everything in fearfully. Alice looked toward me now, and I knew she was meaning for her eyes to find mine. I met her eyes, through the trees, even from this distance, and in that moment, I knew what was coming wasn't good. I knew to dread the rest of what happened. I knew something was coming that would shatter me. I let out a sob, and my legs threatened to give out.

The rest. This was the rest. This was what happened, and this was what I couldn't see before. Would it blur to blackness like it had every other time? I knew it wouldn't. I was going to watch this, because this was the main decision. This _was_ what happened.

Someone, any one of the ones behind the decision that made up the situation before me had been undecided before. Now, they weren't. Now they'd decided, and now it set this in stone.

I sensed what was coming, sobbing harder and flinching, even before it happened. Without warning, Alice kicked Aro, flinging him back several feet.

I gave a quiet whimper, and fear roared through me, knowing the consequences of that would be devastating. My stomach went cold first, my entire body following. I gasped in a breath, and I watched as Aro landed, slid to a stop on his feet, and gave a growl. I could hear that growl from where I was, tensing under Nahuel's hands.

"No." I whimpered, giving a small fight.

Alice was restrained, pulled back, and our group took a step forward in response. I didn't know what was happening, but I tried a step forward also. It didn't work as well. My breathing was racing, and I felt seconds away from losing it. My throat felt closed off, like I couldn't get enough breath. It scared me, making me sob harder.

Aro's firm voice said something that I struggled to hear, but yet I still couldn't. I couldn't hear what was going on from so far away! This was torture. A murmur rumbled through our group as Alice was grabbed, being tugged backwards.

It was happening. What I knew to fear was going to happen in the next few split seconds.

"Let her go!" Carlisle snarled, his voice holding an edge I'd _never_ heard, or even _imagined_ before. It scared me, and I watched, horrified as he ran forward. I fought in Nahuel's grip, watching desperately. He held tight, refusing to let me go.

Carlisle growled a threatening sound that for a second, speared me to the snow in terror as he rushed forward. Knocking quite a number of others out of the way, and Aro rushed forward to meet him. It was happening so quickly, it was difficult for my eyes to follow.

He and Aro seemed to meet in midair. My struggles stopped when everything stilled again, Carlisle's body hitting the snow, Aro landing as well. Unmoving. I held my breath, waiting for him to get up. My eyes were wide, and I stood stock still.

Then I looked in Aro's hand, seeing Carlisle's head.

Once I realized that was what I saw, that I wasn't mistaken, my heart stopped. I counted ten heartbeats, and three shallow, struggling breaths in my own ears until I finally could no longer stand. Falling numbly, stricken to the snow at Nahuel's feet. Nahuel released me in his surprise, allowing me to fall. My head spun, and I stared in horror.

There was no swallowing this back. It felt as if the earth were no longer solid, like a weight had just crushed me to the ground. My eyes were wide, and I struggled to take another breath in, but my throat was closed. I literally couldn't.

I could see everything just fine now, but now, I wished I was blind. I wished I'd never been able to see anything.

At first, it didn't register, my shocked mind couldn't comprehend what had just happened. Only seconds had passed, but it felt like years.

Nobody moved at first, probably just as shocked as I was, watching as Aro just stood there, and I swore I saw a smile on his face. My entire world had just shattered, and he was happy about it. He had just taken the very most important person in my life away from me, and he was smiling. The one person I trusted most, the one person I always thought would be there. He was gone. Taken from us just like that.

When it did register to me, it only happened at the same time as I remembered how to breathe. For a brief moment, I could take in a breath, and I could cry. A sound came from my mouth that would put any tortured animal to shame.

I attempted to jump up, to run forward, but Nahuel's hand caught my arm and pulled me back. I struggled hard in his hands, and I flinched as they set fire to Carlisle's body, it erupting in flames. I sobbed all the air out of me, unable to make a sound. Sobbing harder than I ever had before in my life.

Jack's trial didn't even come close to the amount of pain in my tears. My most recent breakdown could only begin to compare. My knees gave out again as I watched the black smoke rise toward the sky. Nahuel let me down, probably sensing the fact that I couldn't move anymore.

All of a sudden, everyone got moving. Running forward, they didn't even hesitate. Ready to kill by the noises they were making. I rolled to the side, wishing I could just take one breath, or die where I laid. Laying in the freezing snow, I felt so very alone, it hardly mattered.

They collided with a deafening sound, even from where I was, and I covered my ears, squeezing my eyes tight. Everything was falling apart around me, and it seemed as if there were no end in sight. Or the very worst end for me.

My emotions chose that time to renew. A hundred fold.

There was no comparable pain, none whatsoever. Nothing in my life had ever hurt this much. I thought I knew pain? I was so deeply mistaken. I was so wrong, so blind before. The instant shattering of my heart physically hurt me, like it had been torn out of me. I'd never known before what that would feel like.

I'd never, not once, felt as small as I did in that moment. I folded forward, curling upright over my knees, sobbing into them the best I could, choking on the breath I needed, but couldn't take.

He was gone.

I knew enough about vampires to know that once that happened, there was no coming back.

"You can't be gone." I sobbed silently to myself. More of mouthing the words, as I couldn't make a sound now if I wanted to, "You have to be there. You have to. Without you, there's no way. Please.." I didn't know what I was begging for. There was nothing he could do about it now. Pain-filled tears coated my cheeks.

I felt like I was drowning again. My lungs refused to work. No breath, whatsoever, could leave me anymore. Now that I needed him so much more, he should be there. Was I not enough? I stopped my thoughts right there.

It wasn't his fault.

Who would be there to correct me? Who would always be there when I messed up, or as I grew up? My entire world had just ended, shattered onto unrecognizable pieces, and if I hadn't known before, this would have proven just how much Carlisle meant to me. Losing him this way, any way, was so impossible, I'd never even imagined it happening. Never.

He'd been there. Always. Never failing, he was there. He always knew what to do when I needed someone to know what to do. He had always been there, he'd protected me. When he couldn't protect me, he found some way to help me help myself. He always made it right.

Always! How would anything ever be right again, now that he was gone?

The fighting.. The snarling, growling and violence in the clearing wasn't right. It wasn't how it should be. It wasn't supposed to end this way! He would know that!

I sobbed, crying desperately on my side on the cold ground. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe or even bother to lift myself up out of the snow. The pain I was in, my heart shattering right there in the snow, crushing me under the weight of the pieces.

My arms holding my sides, my fists clenching in my coat. My heart pounding painfully in my chest, reminding me that I was still alive despite the horrific scene I'd just witnessed.

The pain was so deep, so resonating that there were no words for it. I couldn't even fully comprehend yet how harshly that had just cut me. I felt as if I should be dead, I shouldn't be alive anymore, like I should be bleeding heavily into the snow until there was no life left in me, yet there I was. Despite how badly I didn't want to be.

Somehow, I knew, though, that I had to be strong. To find strength in times I really didn't want to. I couldn't give up, no matter how much pain I was in. How badly I wanted to just lay there and die, I couldn't. I had to get up. I had to do something, or I would just lay there for the rest of my life.

I was suddenly angry. Undeniably angry. I understood the noises my family made now. I was just slower to get to that point. I was at that point now, and though I had no idea what I was going to do once I got there, I decided then that I had to try.

My teeth clenched in my anger, and I finally managed to take in a breath. Though I still sobbed, louder now, I was literally trembling in my anger. He'd taken the one person who was _always_ supposed to be there from me. From everyone that cared about him.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do about it, but I wouldn't just lay there anymore.

I shoved myself up, tear streaked cheeks stinging in the cold, and more tears rolling from my eyes as Nahuel managed one more grip on me. Stopping me from running right to my death.

I was tired of being pulled to a stop, so I spun. Biting into his forearm as hard as I could without physical injury. I wasn't nice about it, either. I bit, as any angry creature would bite. With meaning, with purpose. Intent on freedom.

The only comparison would have been that day with the cops. The two policemen that tried to wrestle me out of the back of the car, and the ones I nearly killed before running off. I was that animal again, and I wasn't sorry about it.

I was angrier now than I had been then, though. The pain I was in only intensified that anger. I almost didn't care if I hurt myself with the fury with which I attacked him. His skin gave, but not like a human's would, and it startled him. Letting me go, I ran. Nahuel murmuring something behind me in sadness.

I almost tripped, nearly stumbling in my haste through the snow on the other side of the treeline, but I picked up speed as I recovered, running as fast as I could. It took me awhile to get anywhere close to the group, but once I did, I was seen easily. By both sides.

"Shorty?" Emmett was shocked to see me. Gaining quite a few other's attention as I continued to run toward them, "No! Go back! Turn _around_!"

In my confusion and pain, it didn't occur to me that I would have to somehow make it through the fight until I looked around, somehow living again and noticing that I was right in the middle of it.

Fear stabbed through me, and I looked around myself. Frightened beyond measure, knowing I was in trouble, but also still filled with an anger I'd never known before. Nobody able to save me. Not while they were fighting for their lives.

I was fully aware of the fact that there was absolutely no sense in doing what I was doing, but I couldn't help it. My eyes landed on Aro, his eyes on me with a small grin, and I glared.

His eyes never leaving me, I watched tensely as he leaned over slowly, and muttered something to the one standing to his left. He, in return, turned and muttered something to a group standing behind them.

"Leandra." My name was called somewhere off to my right, and I didn't look.

I was plowed into by someone, giving a quiet cough of pain. This wasn't an accident, as they wrapped their arms around me. Lifting me up and out of the snow. I knew by the way they held me that this wasn't one of my family. I kicked, glancing over my shoulder to see their black cloak.

I wasn't in the right hands.

"Leandra." I heard Esme's voice from the middle of the fight. My hair was gathered in his hand, and my head yanked back. Far from gently, I was squeezed. I grunted loudly, what breath I could take forcefully leaving me.

"We have a place for you." The one that held me growled into my ear. I squealed in protest, screaming my defiance, fighting as hard as I could both for freedom and a breath, sobbing heavily. This had my attention now. This made it through the anger. I should have thought about this before, but there had been no thinking. There was still no thinking.

I knew for a fact this had been one of the ones the left hand guy had spoken to. Though I hadn't even seen him move, I knew I wouldn't. Not with me being human.

My arms were pinned, and no amount of kicking would get me free. I turned my head, through the tearing of my hair and managed a very brief bite into the thick material of his cloak at the shoulder. He only laughed, pulled me loose, and readjusted his hold.

"Cute."

All of a sudden, I was released, thrown to the ground. I rolled, tumbling through the snow, but unharmed. I looked up, slightly dizzily as Jasper stood fighting with him. It had been Jasper that had gotten me released, I noted and I scurried away. I dodged feet the best I could, trying to avoid being stepped on or crushed.

Everywhere was fighting, the sounds around me deafening and dangerous. Telling me I really shouldn't be anywhere near there. I felt the reaction, the fight or flight, and I warred with it.

I looked back up at Alice's desperate scream, in time to see Jasper's head fall to the snow. I gave a cry of my own, sobbing on my hands and knees. Not him, too! I couldn't handle this. This was too much. I spun on the spot, looking around quickly in every direction I could look.

I was soaking wet, shivering and cold, but I could hardly feel it. I kneeled there, looking all around me. Trying so hard to fight through the panic and anger in my mind to figure out something to do. I was overwhelmed, frightened, and unable to hardly move. Regretting my decision to leave the trees once I was lifted yet again by the same one. Held uncomfortably. One of his arms across my stomach, just under my ribs as he pinned my arms yet again, and my neck pinned back against him. Ceasing any future struggles I might have given with force that nearly felt like too much.

Literally, in the blink of an eye, I was through the fighting crowd. Straight in front of Aro himself. I panted in my fear, and the exertion it took to breathe in the position I was in. Looking up at him, I noticed that up close, he was far more intimidating than across the clearing, but I also noticed that this close to him, I hated him even more. He looked down at me, studying me closely. Recognizing me, and watching me with amusement in his eyes as I gave a brief fight. I clenched my teeth, and spat in his direction.

"Take her to the back." Aro instructed the one holding me. I kicked, struggling as hard as I possibly could when I suddenly wound up beside where Alice stood restrained as well. Handed off to someone else, I fought again. Looking over, I met Alice's eyes in time to sob once more through my clenched teeth, and give a much harder struggle. As hard as I possibly could, gaining nothing but a slap to the head.

Just as when I hit Rosalie, it felt exactly like getting hit with a rock. The instant pain radiated through my head, as did the ringing in my ears, and for a moment, I had no fight left. I could barely see straight, but I managed to watch as Alice freed herself.

She took out the one holding me easily, and I fell heavily to the snow. I struggled briefly to right myself, and crawled forward again, trying to find some sort of safety. Searching for somewhere I could go.

Every direction I looked was just as dangerous as the last.

I had honestly never been more frightened in my life, never been in that much pain. I had never felt so alone, so completely on my own. Never so angry and wounded at the same time.

I was lifted briefly yet again, by another member of the Volturi once they noticed I was free. That one lasted less than a few seconds before I was released again. This time literally tossed, spending several seconds in the air before I hit the ground, rolling through the snow again. I watched as Emmett dealt with that one, panting audibly for breath as I looked up at him desperately.

"Get somewhere safe!" He snarled at me, pointing back toward the trees. I started forward as quickly as I could. My head spun, and everything I heard or saw just added to it. Overwhelming every single one of my senses. I tasted the blood in my mouth, smelling it as well. The fighting I heard and saw mingled with the physical pain in my head and the emotional wounds I knew would never close. It made thinking impossible.

A deep rumble caught my attention. I looked over and saw a crack, a canyon opening very quickly across the frozen ground headed straight for me. I crawled faster, trying to shield my head as I scurried.

The crack in the ground, the earth falling away into it on either side, nearly caught me in it. Catching countless others. I didn't stop to see who was falling into it. I didn't stop, scrambling harder, faster. Having to jump once to get over a piece that very easily could have taken me with it. My lungs had never worked so hard in my life.

When I was passed the canyon's edge, and sure I wouldn't have to keep moving, I looked up, across the canyon and spotted Esme struggling with someone. I watched desperately as both of them slid down, clinging to the edge of it. Seconds away from falling into it, and never returning.

"Mom!" I cried as loud as I could, sobbing hard. I didn't even stop to realize what I'd just called her. It didn't matter to me. She was my mom, plain and simple. I needed her, and I was seconds away from losing her too.

With that cry, I'd gained the attention of one of the wolves. I recognized the wolf as Leah, and she looked up, spotting what I saw. Without hesitation, she ran forward, and launched herself across the canyon. She pulled the one Esme was struggling with off of her, and they both fell. Esme clung on, watching sadly.

"Mom." I called again, my voice breaking with terror and emotion, and she looked back to me, meeting my eyes. I sobbed there, kneeling on the snow. Shaking with what I was sure was shock, as I didn't feel the cold anymore. She climbed up, and took a few running steps, leaping easily over the canyon to get to me.

I watched her dodge the fighting pairs and groups, dropping a few of the black cloaks on her way by before she finally reached me.

I was gathered up into her arms, lifted out of the snow. Securely wrapped in her arms, and we held onto each other. The relief I felt when it was her that lifted me first had my sobs renewing. I continued to shake, struggling to hold her tighter and breathe at the same time. She turned around, looking around desperately. She was just as overwhelmed as I was, that was clear.

Everything she'd fought to keep was falling apart around her, just as much as it was falling apart around me. Words would forever fail to describe the way I felt then. Angry and grieving at the same time. Scared and heartbroken, it felt like I'd been physically struck with the pain of my emotions. It physically hurt me to keep breathing, yet I couldn't stop. I was breathing as fast as I could, yet it felt like I couldn't breathe at all.

I knew she was afraid that she'd now have to raise me alone if we even survived this. It wasn't much of an issue providing for me, but she wanted nothing more than Carlisle being there. I wanted that too, but it couldn't happen. I started to sob again, holding tighter to her neck. Tears flowing freely once again as I held onto her.

"Please.." I cried hard into her shoulder, clutching her jacket in my fists, "Tell me he's not really gone." She gave a sob of her own, holding me tighter.

"I've got you now." She told me, "I've got you. I'll never let you go." I opened my eyes, looking behind her at Aro watching us closely. Yet again, my eyes met his. He gave me another small smile, seeing the pure unbridled pain in my eyes. I let out a sob, several more tears falling from my eyes, glaring his way with teeth clenched. I hated him.

I was suddenly moved, on my feet behind her with her back to me, and I saw why when I managed to peek around her. Three others, all focused on her.

Though her arm came behind her, holding both my hands firmly in her own. It reminded me a lot of the night my mother died. How scared I was, and the overwhelming sense of protection I felt coming from Esme. I jumped, turning sharply to look behind me at the feeling of someone behind us. Esme didn't look. She didn't have to, because it was Rosalie. Helping to protect us. She backed up, sort of sandwiching me in between them. Facing the opposite direction, and four opponents of her own.

It wanted to surprise me for a brief second how Rosalie stood with Esme to protect me, but I chose not to focus on that.

Out of all the movement around us, we were the only still ones. I stepped closer to Esme, holding as tight as I could to her arms. This wouldn't end in our favor, I realized in a choking sob. Trembling violently, and sobbing with the fear now. As scared as I was, I could only feel how determined they both were.

I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight just for a second. Burying them into Esme's back. I couldn't watch this.

Opening my eyes a second later, just one second, I looked around myself in panic at how dark and calm it suddenly was. Seconds passed, and I suddenly realized that I hadn't even left Brazil yet. I was in bed alone.

I panted hard, as if I'd just been actually running for my life. Panting hard, as if I hadn't been sleeping. Panting hard as if I were actually just about to lose my mom and my sister and possibly my own life so soon after losing my dad and my brother. My heart sprinting as I looked around the single bedroom in the tiny house.

Panic closing my throat, I knotted my fingers hard in my hair, drawing my legs up to my chest. Breathing grew increasing harder, and eventually, I couldn't breathe. I used the last of the breath I had to cry one word.

"Alice!" I cried as loud as I could, my own voice echoing back at me off the walls, the pain glaringly evident, even to me and the sob behind the word physically hurting to let go.

True to her word, she was right there. Less than a second after that word left my mouth, the door opened, and Alice was across the room, holding me. Jasper followed her in, sitting beside her. I fought from her arms, struggling like I was caught in a trap, and hugged onto a very surprised Jasper.

She understood now, sighing quietly. Jasper applied a rather large amount of calming emotion, and it was just enough to let me breathe again, "Leandra, listen to me." I couldn't yet. With my breath returning, I could only use it to cry. Sobbing heavily into Jasper's shoulder.

After awhile, I had to gasp for a breath, which was incredibly hard. Taking that breath, though, was what made my sobs audible again. Trembling violently, I turned in his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck, but after a moment, I couldn't do that anymore. It bothered me, knowing I was holding so tightly to where I'd seen it detached.

At that thought, I suddenly pulled back, nearly falling off his lap. He caught me, righting me with concern in his eyes. I wrapped my arms around my stomach instead, trying to stay in one piece, which was proving difficult as I sat there, falling apart.

They waited, giving me a chance to calm down as much as I could. Which really wasn't a lot. I was still torn, deeply heartbroken over what I'd just seen. Tears only poured faster the more I could breathe, and I still saw it. I couldn't close my eyes. I couldn't squeeze my eyes shut like I wanted to without seeing the bright white of the snowy clearing around me, or the fighting. In the back of my mind, I still heard it. I heard the fighting.

"I made that decision only for the sake of that vision." Alice explained, "All it takes is me deciding not to do what I did, and the rest of the vision changes."

"I know. It doesn't have to _be_ that way." I bawled. My voice was pleading, and I shook my head with tears renewing down my cheeks. My voice breaking in emotion, and trembling along with the rest of me, "I can't do it, Alice, please.."

"Aro has to see that vision first." She stressed, "I know how much it hurts, but I cannot change my decision yet. I promise you, though, that I will. Leandra, I'm so sorry you saw that." Her hand smoothed the back of my head comfortingly, and I flinched away. I could really do without contact I couldn't see.

"Tomorrow night," Alice assured me, "We'll be on our way home."

"Why would you do that, Alice? Why would you do that on purpose? Don't you know how stupid that is?" With worry, I still felt like I didn't want to continue living. I still felt as crushed as I was in that vision. I still felt everything I felt in that vision, my heart shattered into a thousand, million tiny pieces that I knew would never heal.

"That vision has to stay the way it is for now." She told me, "But I swear, it won't end that way."

I wasn't hearing her clearly. Too upset to let myself calm down.

Jasper was trying his hardest to calm me slowly first before trying to steal everything from me like he'd done before. He didn't want to do that again, and part of me understood his hesitation, but I felt his efforts at a slow calm-down, and fought them.

"You can't do that." My voice was so heartbreakingly pained, it hurt even me to hear it, "Alice, please. Don't do it." It was quiet for a few seconds, and I vaguely felt Jasper nod.

He sighed, seeming to brace himself before every last bit of my emotion was stolen. Just like before, it had been my emotion that had given me my strength. The second it was all gone, I couldn't hold on anymore. Before I could fall, Jasper caught me again, and to my surprise, hugging me. Holding me up at the same time.

It took me a moment for my cries to stop, as that had been a physical reaction to the emotion that was now gone, but when my cries did stop, I faced the exhaustion I knew so well. The numbness I knew so well.

"It just keeps going this time." Jasper muttered, but I knew he had a better hold of them this time.

"It won't end that way, Leandra." Alice told me now that I could listen, "I promise you."

She could tell me that until the end of time, but to me, it had happened. Until I could see for myself that Carlisle was actually fine, I wouldn't begin to believe her. That's when it started.

The entire next day I refused to think, or even speak. I never said another word, sitting upright to ensure I stayed awake. I couldn't handle seeing that again. I couldn't.

Until Alice could change the vision at the last possible second, I wouldn't sleep. I didn't sleep the rest of the night, and I didn't sleep the next day.

Sitting there, watching Alice and Jasper watch me worriedly, I numbed even more. A self defense move that I had no control over. I didn't truly know how far of an effect this was having on me, until I found I couldn't feel anything anymore. Scared so deeply, I grew further into myself until I no longer felt anything. I wasn't hungry, or hot. I wasn't tired, or sore. I wasn't sad, I wasn't mad, and I wasn't scared anymore. I was just there, but not.

It didn't bother me when I overheard Jasper telling Alice that he wasn't helping me anymore. That I was numb, now, on my own. It didn't bother me to see them bothered. I didn't bother telling them not to bother. I just waited. Going through the motions, because I knew I had to.

I didn't sleep the entire way back, and I didn't count on sleeping when we arrived at the exact same moment we had in the vision.

The time of first light. The moment just passed night, long before dawn.

It seemed colder now, even more real, but it didn't bother me this time.

I was taken home, just like before. Alice said everything had to stay the same. As much as I wanted to get this over with, I took as much time as I had last time in my room. I even chose the same clothes. Not bothering to change my selection when I held the same sweater. Right down to the same socks. I didn't bother waiting this time, though. Refusing to look to the pile of gifts against the window.

I didn't even blink as Jasper lifted me. I shut my eyes on the run, a slow tear escaping as I did so.

I visibly trembled this time as I was lowered to my feet in the snowy forest. I looked up, as I had before, to see my family standing there. Perfectly fine. For now. I listened to Aro speaking, waiting for the moment that Alice and Jasper would have to leave me.

Seconds away now. Minutes from the moment I would die all over again.

"I know what I'm doing." She told me, taking my cheeks as she had before, looking into my eyes fiercely, "Trust me." My emotions surfaced for a brief second, and she saw them. She saw the flash of pain in my eyes, the fear, and how much I didn't want to watch what was coming, "Trust me, Leandra."

I took my eyes from Alice's and watched my family through the trees, staring their way between her and Jasper. Seeing them again, standing and waiting like that bothered me. They had no idea what could go wrong. How wrong things could go with just one simple decision.

Just like before, they walked forward. Leaving me standing there with Nahuel and Huilen. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't watch this again.

I was more than tempted to run off, but I stayed. Afraid that if I moved, I would break down just like before, and I really didn't want to do that, so I stayed, and I kept my eyes on the two of them. I focused on attempting to regain that numbness, but the fear of the situation ate right through it like it was never even there.

I watched Alice closely, watching her and Jasper step across the snow, just like before. Stepping with purpose, and determination. No fear, no hesitation. Nothing was changing! It was all happening just like before.

She and Jasper were stopped, just the same as last time, and she offered her hand.

I did notice something different this time, though. Aro managed to hold her hand for longer this time, and when he finally let her go, she took just a single half-step back. Her voice was quieter than I remembered it being before, her words not nearly as harsh.

When she moved, I gave a quiet cry, flinching away and turning. Nahuel patted my shoulder, I looked up at him.

"Look." He said, and I chanced a glance, through pouring tears and silent shaking sobs I hadn't even realized were there. Aro still stood there, but Alice had moved away from him by several steps.

"There is the difference. The change that will ensure that this will end peacefully." He assured me quietly, over the quiet talking in the clearing, "Don't be so scared, young one."

I watched as he walked away, leaving the trees with Huilen beside him. I watched, knowing he was getting his chance to talk. He hadn't gotten this chance before. Like I said I would, I waited. Now cautiously optimistic.

Was he right?

A few nervewracking minutes later, when nothing happened, I slowly lowered to my knees. Continuing to watch as Aro turned back around. Alice never kicked him. She never spoke harshly to him, she never pissed him off. The rest of the vision had changed, just as she said it would. Nothing ever happened.

I even waited, cautiously climbing back to my feet when Aro and his group left. Leaving my family intact. I could sense the relief from where I hid, waiting for Alice's instruction, which didn't come long later.

"Leandra." She called loud enough for me to hear, "Come on out. It's safe now."

I nearly tripped in my haste, managing to take just a step forward, but I didn't get far enough to leave the trees.

I was suddenly scooped up, and carried the opposite direction of where I wanted to be. I didn't even have a chance to make a noise before I was far from where I'd started.

The speed this action happened took me off guard, keeping me still for a good while as we traveled through the trees. I gripped the man's black cloak in my fists, holding on for dear life. Traveling at speeds much faster than I was used to, upside down and with a shoulder in my stomach made my head spin. I squeezed my eyes shut at the dizziness, whimpering.

I was carried for several minutes this way, and I prayed for this to just be a vision, but I knew it wasn't. In this position, my dizzy thoughts ran.

I pieced together what happened easily, as if I'd known it all along. Knowing Aro's reasons, and gaining the insight without having a vision. I knew this wasn't just speculation, but fact.

Aro had known I was here. The second he took Alice's hand, he'd known. I waited for the moment when it was safe enough to come out. Waiting for Alice's direction. He knew everything Alice knew about me in just a few seconds, just as I'd feared.

It really didn't take much for him to send two circling back, finding me right where I waited alone. Just what I'd warned Alice about. Now I hung upside down, trying not to throw up, as I was carried to God knows where.

"C-Can we stop for a second?" I gasped as loudly as I could, "I-I just need-"

"Shut up." My captor grumbled, one hand holding me securely over his shoulder. I did nothing but whimper quietly in response. His voice told me he was not one I wanted to piss off.

"This is far enough, Felix." I was surprised at another's voice. I'd thought we were still alone.

Suddenly, the shoulder in my stomach was gone, and I gasped in a breath as I was dropped, hitting the ground with a light thud. I winced at the ache in my body I now had, but I was alright. I wasn't seriously hurt. I righted myself, not daring to stand, "Now we just wait for them to catch up."

"That was way too easy." Felix, the one who'd carried me grumbled. I looked around me in the mid-morning light. The trees were thinner here, and more of the sun peeked through the endless clouds. We weren't in Washington anymore, which completely terrified me.

"You'd think they'd protect her more." The other chuckled, looking down at me, "With an ability like hers, she should be in a vault somewhere."

"They already have a prophet." Felix reminded him, "This one is obviously expendable."

"They couldn't." I spoke up, gaining their attention, "They needed everyone they-" I winced at a slap, the sound echoing in the trees around us. I felt the pain, and my eyes watered involuntarily, but before any tears could fall, I noticed a change.

"Felix." I froze, mid-wince at Aro's voice to my left. I looked up, meeting his eyes just as a wall of black cloaks was made just to my right, "Apologize to our guest. You know better than to treat her like that."

"My apologies." Felix told me instantly, "I do know better." I didn't know what to say to that. I was confused, and looking between the feet of the wall of black cloaks, I could clearly see a group beyond them that I recognized instantly, and quite a number of others had followed. Probably knowing immediately something was wrong when I didn't come out.

"That's close enough." That was a warning to them, "How _this_ ends is up to you."

"How we let this end is up to _you_." Emmett growled in return, "What do you want with her?"

"Only to meet her." I felt my breath catch at Aro's voice once again, looking toward the left, "Felix. I only said I wanted to speak with the girl. Not abduct her from her coven, or create another stand-off. It would have been much easier to have them wait there." Felix was quiet, seeming unsure, "What is done, is done. I suppose this will have to do."

"She has no part in this." Carlisle spoke up, "That's the only reason we chose to keep her out of it."

"I saw that." Aro agreed lightly, "But I did see her, I'm afraid, along with her very intriguing gift."

"Her gift." Alice said next, "Not yours, Aro."

"Of course, of course." He replied, trying to ease the tension. Or mock them. I wasn't sure which one, "This will only take a few more minutes of your time, Carlisle. I promise you."

"Stay away from her." Emmett was warning Aro this time, which didn't sit right with me. I felt like I was stuck in the middle of some type of tug of war. I wanted to be on the other side of that wall of black cloaks, but I also wanted to be here, so they didn't have to be.

I watched Aro step closer, a small smile on his face as he looked to me. I scrambled back across the ground, away from him in terror, glaring at him despite how scared I was, "No, no." He murmured, "Do not fear me, child."

"Too fucking late." I muttered, my fear choosing to express itself as anger. My emotions chose that time to return, the same I felt the first time I looked into his eyes. During the vision, after I'd bitten Nahuel for my freedom. The anger, the pain and the heartbreak. I hated him, and my deepening glare only gave that away. I glanced around, noting how I knew them all already. The vision I'd had providing me with all the information I needed on all of them.

Felix was the big one that had taken me, and hit me just now. That was a given.

The one to Aro's right, behind him, was Caius. I knew his personality like I'd known him all my life. Caius had been the one to send someone, Demetri, to collect me from the middle of the fight.

Demetri, standing beside Felix and glaring down at me, had been the one to kill Jasper. I glared back up at him briefly.

Marcus was the one standing directly beside Aro, seeming bored and only mildly interested in what was going on around us.

Aro only chuckled at the response I'd given.

"You're sure this is the right one?" Caius glared toward Felix.

"It is her." Aro confirmed quietly. His eyes studied me, waiting for my glare to ease a bit before he spoke to me again, "Hello."

"Hi." I said sharply, "Can I go now?"

"I've seen some interesting things regarding you, child." He murmured, his tone oddly calming. He seemed perfectly friendly. It only confused me, and my confusion only worked in his favor. Was he really that bad?

"I know." I said, my tone just a bit more respectful, "From Edward and Alice. More from Alice. You saw what I told her before she could even show you the vision she had about your future. Am I right?" It was cold here too, and suddenly, I felt it again. My cheeks and my nose burned in the cold, flushing probably brightly.

I would have given anything to have kept my numbness. It sure chose one hell of a time to resurface. Perhaps reacting to the threat I was now under?

"That's right." He smiled, seemingly impressed, and I watched him squat down in front of me, and slowly offer his hand to me. I knew what he wanted, "May I?" He wanted me to prove it. To prove to him that I was the one he was looking for. The one from their thoughts. Despite seeing for himself that I was the same one.

"Am I allowed to refuse?" I asked quietly now, "To be honest, I don't like you."

"I admire your honesty." He said, "But... If you choose to refuse today, I would unfortunately have to keep trying." I knew he'd do it, too. I'd just have to get it over with.

He continued to hold his hand out patiently as I studied him, unsure.

"Do it, child." Caius eventually barked behind him and I jumped, whimpering quietly. Retracting the hand that had hesitantly been reaching for his.

"Patience, brother." Aro corrected quietly, "Humans, especially human children are timid little things."

He held himself there. Waiting. I held my hands to myself, nervously smoothing my coat. I knew the threat I faced. I knew how much danger I was in just by being this close to him. I could feel it, and I knew by the warnings I'd been given.

I turned away for a moment, considering trying to make a run for it. I knew better than that, though. This wasn't some human I faced. I didn't have a chance, but all I wanted was to just get away. I didn't want to be here.

"You saw? The very same vision Alice saw?" Aro asked quietly, probably trying to prompt me into choosing without pressuring me.

"I saw." I mumbled in confirmation, nodding.

"Show me." I looked at him, distrust in my eyes.

"If I show you," I mumbled, "Can I go home?"

"I'll consider it." That was as much of a yes as I was going to get.

I sighed, trying to calm down. Slowly, I kneeled up, bringing my hand to his.

Two things seemed to happen simultaneously. He pulled my hand closer, nearly tugging me off balance. And I had a vision at the exact same moment as his other hand closed over mine. The vision was brought painfully forward, and there was no way I could refuse to see it.

Something about his gift had my gift automatically work. He was able to see my vision in real time, instead of just a memory of it. I knew that what I was seeing, he was seeing as well.

Myself, much older. Fifteen, perhaps sixteen. Standing beside him and staring around at piles of burning bodies strewn across the grassy ground. I knew from the sight that it wasn't my family, so that was a relief at least, but something about that vision disturbed me. I was happy about it. It pleased me to see the destruction, the absolute devastation that I knew I had helped him cause.

This vision was also different than my normal ones, as I saw myself. Instead of my point of view, I was seeing these things from another. Seeing the entire scene instead of only what my eyes would see.

Instead of just the scene, it was also silent knowledge to me, and Aro as well, what the intentions of those around us were. Their true loyalties. Quite a number of them were there for the protection, others considering leaving any day. It was also clear to us both what our intentions were. Mine, being loyal to him. His, using my gift to ensure he never faced a situation like the one today ever again.

I gasped, as he gasped, releasing my hand. His eyes were wide, as he studied me.

"Ow." I whimpered, covering my forehead with my palms. It hurt to have a vision just taken from me like that.

"Well?" Marcus finally asked quietly, "What is your decision?"

"Give me one moment." Aro almost snapped, "Please." He looked to me again, amazed. I was just as amazed, hardly able to breathe. After searching for months for a way to make my gift work, here he was. Making my gift work just like that. As easy as taking my hand. I was still frightened, deathly afraid of him, but now I was curious.

He hadn't killed me yet, or even seemed like he wanted to. He didn't seem at all like the person I saw in my vision. That one was sick, sadistic. Conniving. This one was calm, patient. And he seemed as if he admired me, just as much as he seemed to admire Renesmee. Like I was just as fascinating to him. Despite the fact that I was human.

"May I?" He asked again, and I hesitated only a few seconds this time. Very curious, "Bear with me, child, as I attempt something."

"We do not have much time, brother." Caius hissed to him before I could manage to place my hand in his, "I highly suggest-"

"Patience." Aro snapped over his shoulder, "I do not want to ruin this opportunity." Aro's eyes landed on me again, and this time, I willingly moved closer, "My apologies, child."

"Leandra." I muttered, and he seemed surprised, "My name is Leandra."

"Of course." Aro murmured, his impatience at the others not at all directed at me, "How very pleased I am to meet you, Leandra." He held his hands open once more, and I reached up, tucking my hair behind my ear before I placed my palm against his. He closed both hands gently around mine, and once more, I was given a vision.

Exactly the same, but this time, it focused on my cooperation much more than before. Giving both of us a better look at me beside him. I saw that my own intentions were pure, and I intended to stay with him. To provide him visions for as long as he needed me to. That's what he needed to know.

Abruptly, however, the vision changed. And at first, I couldn't figure out what it was, or how it had changed. The vision became clearer, and I saw that this was me once again. A massive difference between my cooperative nature before, and this me.

In this vision I was the same age, and obviously immortal. But in this vision, I was curled in the corner of what looked like a cell. Glaring heatedly at him, daring him with my crimson eyes and threatening growl to step closer. I was both frightened and dangerous, given his reluctance to step closer. This me scared me. It unsettled me, not liking what I was seeing.

Again, it was clear to both of us my intentions. We both knew that the moment an opportunity presented itself, I would kill him and run. I wasn't there of my own free will, and I knew that bothered him. I wasn't pleased, not at all, and a very large flight risk.

Once more, mid vision, the vision changed. Back to what it was before. My full cooperation, and obedience. Standing beside him as if I didn't belong anywhere else.

Slowly, he released my hand, and as soon as I was back to the present, I winced at the violent migraine I now had. I pressed my palms to my forehead again, as if that would ease it, and lowered forward until the backs of my hands were against the dirt. Whimpering a cry through clenched teeth, my head ached so intensely, tears escaped my eyes. The pressure was unbelievable.

He rose to his feet, obviously thinking hard while I attempted to recover enough to open my eyes. Not at all concerned by the fact that I was obviously in blinding pain.

"I've come to a decision." He finally said, "We will leave her." I heard the sighs of relief from beyond the wall of black cloaks between me and my family.

"What?" Caius demanded.

"We will leave her." Aro told him, "But in five years' time, I will return for her. By then, she will be ready." I winced up at him, "Right now, her mind is still clearly not ready for a gift like this, and taking her with us will only risk her life unnecessarily." He turned back to me, and kneeled again, "From this moment on, Leandra.." He paused, making sure I was listening. Waiting until I looked up at him, "Little lioness, from this moment on, you belong to me. I am only allowing you to remain with the Cullens for your own safety, and as a token of my kindness. In five years, I will return to collect you. Am I understood?"

"Like hell!" Emmett growled, and that gained my attention.

"Emmett," I called, trembling, "Shut up."

"Am I understood?" Aro asked me again. Patient as ever.

"Leandra, don't you fucking agree to that!" Emmett again, and for a second, his tone distracted me.

"In return," I looked to Aro again, "For your cooperation, my dear, your family will have five years of peace, and as long as you continue giving me your cooperation, for the rest of their existence." My eyes widened a little. This shouldn't have been a surprise to me. I knew his reasons as well as I'd know my own. He was using my attachment to my family, my desperate need to make sure they remained okay to ensure I would agree, and I knew the moment I agreed, that was it.

I knew he was only offering this for his own selfish gain, but that didn't make it any less tempting.

"Don't do it-" I ignored Emmett's next attempt as if he hadn't even spoken.

"Tanya's coven too." I added in reflex. My voice sounded heavy, almost desperate. He was offering something I would have taken in a heartbeat. I had to push it further.

"Agreed." Aro nodded.

"Leandra, stop-" Jasper spoke next, his tone considerably more tense than Emmett's had been before. They knew I was heavily tempted by the offer Aro held in front of me.

"And the wolves." I added again, "All of them. They're just as much part of my family as everyone else is."

"Alright." Aro nodded again.

"Do you promise that nothing like this will ever happen again?" I asked, "I need to know that what I'll be agreeing to will stick."

"Leandra." Alice was warning me now, "Stop."

"You have my sincerest word." He told me firmly.

"Don't you fucking-" Emmett again.

"Leandra." Carlisle's firm voice interrupted Emmett before I could, but it only solidified my next answer. The moment he spoke, it brought the memory of how bad it hurt to lose him. The moment he spoke, I remembered what it felt like to be shattered so completely.

"Okay." I mumbled, and I found myself nodding, knowing I had no choice, "I agree. You have my word."

"Dammit, Leandra!"

"Emmett, shut up!" I finally glanced away from Aro for a brief second, before looking back. It hurt my voice to shout it that loud, but the determination in those three words couldn't be denied.

It was either go with Aro in five years, or be taken now, and not give my family the peace of mind they'd so thoroughly earned. I would rather have my family for as long as I could, even if the thought of ever leaving them someday broke my heart. But the promise Aro made was too good to turn down.

The vision still fresh in my mind scared me enough to find his offer very enticing.

Aro smiled.

"Wonderful." He nodded, "I will give you a piece of advice to help you cope until your mind is developed enough to handle your gift." I held his gaze as steadily as I could through my pounding head, "Place something, anything, around both of your wrists. Doing so will prevent any visions from coming forward, and it will allow your gift to get stronger without causing you pain, disturbing your sleep, or having to suppress it."

I nodded, letting him know I heard him.

As if to prove his point, he lowered to my level again, reached forward and clasped his hands around my wrists. Both at once, adding firm but gentle pressure, and instantly, my migraine cleared. As soon as I felt the pressure around my wrists, it was gone.

I looked up, shocked. Meeting his eyes. He stayed there only seconds, before suddenly releasing me, and rising back to his feet.

"Thank you." I mumbled, and he gave me a nod in response.

"Carlisle." He called, and the group parted enough for him to see Carlisle clearly, "Because of her gift, she no longer applies to the human category, so as it stands, you are forgiven for being honest with her. Also, as I see it, you have every intention of turning her when she is older, so I may look the other way as long as you give me your word. No more humans, Carlisle."

I looked to Carlisle from my spot on the ground, pleading with my eyes. All he had to do was agree, but that seemed to be too much.

Aro seemed to accept his silence as agreement anyway, and he called to the group, "Come. Her coven will return her to her home. They are not to be bothered for the duration of these five years. Am I clear?" Every one of the black cloaks murmured in agreement.

Aro offered his hand to me in goodbye, and I reached up without hesitation this time, placing my palm against his once more. I didn't get a vision this time, but I knew by the way he continued to hold my hand, that he was seeing something else.

While he was viewing every thought I ever had, I glanced in Carlisle's direction, and the discomfort bordering anger I saw on his face as he watched Aro and I told me that I would have a very hard time saying goodbye in five years, but looking further, I knew agreeing to five plus years of peace for them was exactly the right move. If I could provide them that, to never have to face this again, I would. I would now, and I'd always agree.

I sniffled quietly, turning my eyes to Aro again. Waiting patiently for him to get through with whatever he was seeing.

It took almost a full minute before Aro released my hand. He took a step back in complete shock. He stared at me with an expression that almost bordered fear in its amazement.

"Leandra," He finally spoke, holding my gaze as I looked up at him, "You've earned my respect. For one such as yourself, that is the very least you deserve." I didn't know what to say to that, "I will see you again in five years, my dear."

I took a shaky breath, and though I still hated him, and though I still feared him deeply, I nodded. He held my gaze for just a few seconds longer, and suddenly, he was gone.

Leaving just my family, and those that chose to follow them standing there.

I stayed there on my knees for only a few seconds. Almost disbelieving in what just happened. Before I could sit there for much longer, I was surrounded. Carlisle kneeling on my level, the others choosing to stand.

"What did you just do?" He asked me, and I looked up, "Why would you do that?" The moment I met his eyes, I started to cry. Hugging onto his neck as I had done with Jasper.

"Make sure they're gone." Carlisle murmured over his shoulder, "Please."

I only opened my eyes long enough to see Jasper and Emmett both leave, before squeezing them shut.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked, and I nodded a little. Physically, I was fine. Emotionally and mentally, however, I was a wreck.

"They're gone." Jasper and Emmett returned, probably having just run a circle around us, "No one was left behind."

"Let's get back to the house." Carlisle suggested, lifting me as he stood, "We'll figure it out there."

I wasn't awake long enough to see our arrival home. I was so tired of being carted everywhere like a piece of luggage, I just wanted to stay stationary for a moment. The only way my mind knew how to do that successfully, was granting me blissful unconsciousness, which I welcomed with open arms.

"Are you crazy?" I startled awake not long later, opening my eyes a little to look up at Emmett, "Do you even know what you just agreed to?" I looked around myself, forcing myself to sit up. I was in my bedroom again, warm and safe in my own bed.

"I do." I mumbled. I was still confused, dazed. Disoriented, and still so exhausted.

"I don't think you do." He countered harshly, watching me stretch and yawn.

"Forgive me," My tone was quickly moving to match his, "If I didn't want to watch any of you die again!" As horrible as the situation was, I couldn't help feeling overjoyed that I could be standing there, yelling at him again.

I stood up, sighing as I glanced up at him. Trying to calm down. Waking up to being yelled at wasn't the easiest to calm down from, though.

"If you think we're going to honor that, you've got another thing coming, shorty." He turned and headed from the room. I spluttered for a second, before I followed him.

"Yes, you will." I countered, "Because I made the agreement. Not you. It's my choice. Not yours."

"You're just a kid." He said, "You can't make agreements like that."

"Too late." I replied, "I already did."

I followed him outside onto the porch, choosing not to pay attention to the other's eyes on us for now. One at a time was the best I could do right then. I stepped out after him, watching as he sighed heavily and leaned on the porch railing.

He was having a hard time with this, but the truth was, so was I. I didn't want to have to leave, but I had _no_ choice. It was the only option I had. Right now, though, I had to be stronger than Emmett was. I had to be the bigger person if I wanted to keep from arguing about it. I sighed heavily now, and stepped forward. Hugging onto his side, waiting until he returned it before speaking again.

"Can we not fight about this?" I asked, "I don't want to spend the next five years arguing with you."

"For now." He agreed after a few seconds, "Just because I missed you so much."

I stayed there, hugging onto him as tightly as I could. I was too happy to see him to stay mad.

"What did he see, shorty?" Emmett asked a minute later, "That made him want you so much?" I bit my lip, stepping back and looking down, "Because as far as I know, Aro himself doesn't just go around claiming humans as his when they're older like cattle."

"Alice or Edward haven't told you?" I asked, looking up at him.

"No." He said, "No one will say anything." I nodded, sighing.

"I'd rather tell everyone at once. So I don't have to say it again."

"They're all inside." He told me, "Already waiting." I knew that already. Glancing back to the door. I wasn't looking forward to trying to explain this.

I followed him inside, keeping my eyes down as he moved to Rosalie's side. I had to take a moment, stepping slowly to the chair, and leaning on the armrest awkwardly. I was ashamed, but not sorry. Taking a breath, I closed my eyes briefly, before looking back up sadly.

"It took.." I trailed off for a second, "It took staying by myself for so long to really start to understand what I can do. It's more than you thought before. It's more than I thought before."

"What can you do?" Rosalie was curious, and it showed.

"I can see what's going to happen, and what could happen. The possibilities, along with what actually happens." My tone was quiet, almost a regretful hint to the sadness underneath, "I can see the decisions people make, and I can see their reasons behind those decisions. I can see every intention, and how they really fit into the vision. I know when someone is lying to get their way. I can tell when they're being truthful, or when they aren't as truthful as they should be." I sighed, sitting in the chair in front of me, "I didn't know that before.. I only figured it out before the vision he saw."

"You gave him a vision?" Jasper asked, surprised.

"More like.. He gave me one." I frowned, "I don't know how to explain it."

"The moment Aro took her hand, she had a vision." Edward explained quietly, "Instantly. The moment his gift started to work on her, hers worked with him, to give him a vision in real time, instead of only seeing it after it happened."

"Well, shit.." Emmett sighed, turning. He wasn't happy about this.

"The second time he took her hand, it was to test her. To see what she was capable of."

"She obviously passed that test." Rose muttered, shaking her head a little.

"Aro was able to see the different outcomes of different decisions, by changing his mind mid-vision." Edward continued, "He saw exactly what Leandra saw, as she saw it. While he holds her hand, and uses her gift, it's like he has the gift himself. Their gifts are made for each other."

"Thank you." I mumbled, appreciating the help. He obviously knew how to explain it better. He glanced to me, before looking back to Carlisle. Explaining directly to him now.

"By using her gift through his own, he can choose to see who really belongs there, and who doesn't." Edward paused, "When he takes her, there will be no more secrets among them. Aro will, truly, know all." That didn't seem like news to them until Edward spoke again, "Anyone, anywhere. All he would have to do, is have the want to check up on anyone, and take her hand. She'll see what he wants to see, and he'll see it through her."

I was a little surprised. I hadn't even considered that far ahead, but Aro clearly had, and Edward was able to see it as Aro realized it.

"This creates a problem." Carlisle sighed, shaking his head.

"No it doesn't." I said, standing again, "I just need you to accept the agreement I made with him. If it keeps you out of trouble with them forever, I'll be happy to do anything it takes."

"Think of it as immunity." Edward muttered bitterly, "Because we'll be providing him with everything he's ever dreamed of."

"I still have five years." I murmured, sadly optimistic, "Five years is a long time."

"Maybe even time enough to figure out how to get you out of this stupid agreement." Rose commented sharply, "You're not _property_."

"I know I'm not." I said, "But-"

"Then don't act like it." She barked, and I closed my eyes, sighing as I looked down, "You're worth more than that to us, if you haven't figured that out yet. You're not something to be traded. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about how much it hurt to lose you anyway." I replied quietly, "I couldn't watch that again. You don't know.. You can't even.." I sighed, falling back into the chair. I'd never felt so defeated before, and my small voice reflected that, "There was nothing.. Nowhere.. And I saw it.." It was silent for several seconds. Rosalie clearly not knowing how to respond to that.

"Aw, shorty." Emmett sighed eventually.

"It's not something I can just.. Ignore." My tone was still defeated and small, "I've spent the last several months trying to see something that will help me prevent what that vision showed me, and now that I see a way to, I'm not about to just let the opportunity pass. I do get why you're mad at me, Rose, but at least you'll be around to be mad at me." My eyes burned in tears that wanted to fall, and I looked down to try to hide them, "I'm sorry."

I sat there in the silence for a few minutes. Knowing there was no way to get out of this even if I wanted to. I still had five years. I knew this wasn't the end of it. Not by far, but this was the last I would probably be scolded for it. From now on, I'd only be told of possible opportunities.

"Go take a shower, shorty." Emmett finally said, and I looked back up, "You smell like Brazil." I couldn't help smiling a little as I stood.

"And when you get out," Jasper said, "We need to discuss your unhealthy fascination with highly venomous creatures." I laughed a little at that one on my way to my bedroom.

I managed to get the dirt off of me, but my skin stayed dark from the tan. That would fade, I knew, but it didn't look too bad on me. I was still accustomed to shorts and tank tops, so I chose to wear that instead of my normal warm pajamas.

I came back out, my wet hair braided down my back, feeling just a little bit better. I was clean, at least. The living room had mostly cleared, leaving just Emmett and Alice in the room.

"Nice." Emmett commented, gesturing to me. I was confused at first, until I looked down. Realizing he was referring to the key I still wore.

"I never take it off." I answered, sitting on the couch, "I haven't since I got it."

"She wears it all the time." Alice confirmed and Emmett smiled a little. Falling beside me, I yelped as he suddenly scooped me up, hugging me tightly.

"Remind me to punch Jasper." Emmett said, cuddling me and holding onto me as I struggled a little to get away.

"You know our reasons." Alice sat in the chair. I resigned myself to the cuddling, sighing in defeat.

I looked up as Esme and Carlisle entered the room, followed by Jasper, and looked down. I knew what I did was extremely shame worthy, but I couldn't make myself regret it. It was over, and as long as I stuck to my word when I was sixteen, it always would be.

One major problem, however, stood out to me. I couldn't even look at Carlisle anymore. Not without remembering the vision Alice's decision had made me see. I couldn't. Not without feeling the pain and the heartbreak I felt then.

I knew that would eventually change, but I would never be the same after that. Not ever.

Another problem I saw coming, was the sense of detachment I felt already. I was already preparing myself to let them go when I had to leave. There wasn't the same feeling I felt before. I still cared about them, more than anything, but I was detaching myself in preparation for the moment Aro returned for me.

I didn't belong there anymore, and as crushing as that realization was, it was going to stay that way. I wouldn't lift a finger to change that.

**END**

**A/N: Epilogue to follow.  
This got very long, but every bit of it needed to stay. Purely for my own peace of mind.  
As for answering the question from last chapter: YES. There will be a following story once I get to putting it together.  
I don't want to make this A/N too long, and I want to let the chapter speak for itself. There aren't many words that can describe what I just typed out up there, but I'd love to read your thoughts on it. (:  
As always, for the last twenty four chapters of this story, and the last four stories I've written, and rewritten, _THANK_ YOU to my reviewers! You're all glorious!  
I'll admit, this is a tad bittersweet. I'm honestly a little sad that this story is finally closing. :'(  
While I go cry into my pillow, we can at least look forward to more in the Epilogue and the story to follow.  
Well... So much for keeping the A/N from getting too long. In my defense, it's after 2am. So, I bid thee goodnight, and I hope you'll all look forward to the Epilogue and the next story, which obviously will be drastically different than the one out already.  
Until next time, beautifully brilliant readers. (:**


	26. EPILOGUE

**EPILOGUE **

"Not fair!" I shouted, running faster. I skidded to a stop, watching her pull herself up the tree much faster than I ever could, "Dammit, Ness. You know I can't go that fast."

"Sorry." She giggled down at me, "Try harder."

"You bit me when you were a baby." I countered, and her smile faded.

"I said I was sorry for that." She replied, watching as I pulled myself up the tree after her.

"So?" I said, settling on the branch above her, "I can still bring it up any time I want to, because I'm older."

"That doesn't seem fair." She frowned, looking up at me.

It was less than a week later, and we both sat up in the lowest tree in the yard. The snow falling around us, blanketing the yard with big, fat flakes. It didn't snow often around here, and this was only the second snow of the winter, but I wasn't getting any more used to being bundled up quite so much.

I sighed heavily, my breath making a puff in the cold air outside as my fingers gently turned the thin rubber bands I constantly wore around my wrists now. So far, what Aro had told me was working. I hadn't been bothered since first pulling them on. I could sleep unbothered at night, and I could concentrate during the day without worrying about seeing things that never happened. I could sleep now without the blackness, but now and then, a nightmare of what that blackness had been would make its way in.

I was still working on it, but I could usually wake myself up now, and go right back to sleep. I would be a work in progress for some time to come.

"So when do your friends get here?" Ness asked, looking up at me. I sighed, knowing what she was referring to. Alice had suggested I have the three boys over for the whole weekend, hoping it would cheer me up, and she was more comfortable with us staying here where we could be watched closer, than at one of their houses.

They'd get here that night, and stay until Sunday afternoon. After winter break, their parents were more than happy for the chance to pawn them off on someone else before school started again on Monday.

"In a couple of hours." I answered, swinging my leg slowly.

"Daddy says I can meet them." She smiled. She seemed so overjoyed at just the thought of having three more humans to be around.

"Yeah," I allowed, "But remember what he said. You're a younger cousin of his, visiting from Alaska. They'll believe that easily."

"I know." She nodded confidently, "You don't have to remind me." I nodded a little, letting it go. We were quiet for a moment, watching the snow fall in the yard, facing the house.

"I miss Brazil." I said conversationally, "In a way, I guess." I added that part on there.

"Why?" She asked.

"I think we should move." I said, not really answering her, "Someplace that's not cold all the time, or someplace that's not hot all the time."

"There's not a lot of places like that." She reminded me, "Not where we can be around the humans."

"You're right." I admitted, "I forgot about that."

"Besides," She said, adjusting how she sat on the branch, "Wouldn't you miss your friends?"

"Yeah." I answered, "I would."

"And I would miss Jacob." She said, "So it's settled. We're never moving."

"Who's moving?" Speaking of Jacob, he and Seth made their way over to the tree we sat in.

"Me." I called to them, "I'm moving to Brazil, because there's stuff there that could kill me."

"There's stuff here that could kill you." Seth reminded me, and I sighed, turning a little and lightly thumping my forehead against the tree, "What?"

"I already knew that, Seth." I answered, "Everywhere I go, something or someone is trying to kill me."

"I'm just saying," He said defensively, hardly noticing how Ness jumped from the tree beside me with a giggle to have Jacob catch her, "You don't have to go so far away to find trouble."

"Yeah, well. From now on, I _am_ trouble." I sniffed, "Just wait and see."

"Me, too." Ness vowed from Jake's arms.

"No, just me." I corrected, "You're the lucky one. I'm the troubled one. I might as well embrace it."

"Okay," Ness said, "I'll be the lucky one, and you can be trouble."

"Deal." I said, watching as Jacob shook his head and turned, carrying Ness back toward the house. Probably to keep her from getting ideas from me.

"Are you coming back inside any time soon?" Seth asked, and I sighed a little in thought.

"No." I replied, "I want to sit out here for a little longer. I can get down by myself."

"Just be careful." He said, and I smirked.

"Trouble, remember?"

"Right." He chuckled, turning himself and starting away. I noticed him look over his shoulder at me once before making it up the porch steps. I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling the slight frozen breeze stick a few flakes onto me.

I thought about the realization I'd had the night before I came back. I wished now I had more time to work on it, but as it was, I only had five years. It sounded like a long while to those that said it fast, but when I could sit in the quiet and think about it, it wasn't near long enough for my taste.

I left my eyes closed, sniffling a little as a tear left my eye. I sighed again, shakily letting this one out. I never let anyone see me cry about it. Not yet, but that didn't make it hurt any less. I did what I did for a reason, and I would stick to it, but I didn't want to leave. Not now, not in five years, not ever. I had been counting on staying until they got sick of me.

I jumped a little as the branch I sat on shuddered just a bit. Announcing someone joining me. I looked over, fully prepared to try to hide the fact that I'd been crying, but Esme already knew. I could see that instantly.

"I don't regret it." I told her quietly, refusing to acknowledge what we both knew slid down my cheek. I just wanted to make that clear.

"Of course not." She did acknowledge it, however, reaching over and clearing it away, "Honey, we understand why you did it. We know, but that doesn't make it any easier on any of us. Least of all, you. This was a decision that you had to make right there on the spot. You should never have been pressured that way, but that doesn't change the fact that you were. By trying to keep you out of it, you were placed directly in the middle, and for that, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." I said, shaking my head. I fought more tears back, "Please don't apologize."

"It's no one's fault, honey." She reminded me, "But I'm still sorry. You shouldn't try to hide it. Hasn't Carlisle been telling you that for some time now?"

I had to fight harder at just the mention of him.

"I saw that." She pointed out, and I looked away. Trying to hide my welling eyes by closing them, "He sees too, and it bothers him."

"I can't change it." I mumbled, my voice thick with emotion, "I wouldn't anyway, if I could."

"We know." She said, "You keep saying that, but again, it doesn't change the fact that this is something that hurts us all. I think you need to talk to him, honey. Otherwise, you won't be able to look at him for the rest of the time you're with us."

"You've noticed." I murmured, laying my head against the trunk of the tree.

"So has he." She said, pulling me to lean against her. I opened my eyes, and looked in the direction of the porch, spotting Carlisle standing there watching us. I immediately looked down, as I did every other time before.

"Talk to him." She urged, "He's so worried."

"He doesn't have to be." I sighed, speaking as quietly as I could.

"Doesn't he?" She asked in return, and I looked up at her, "He's noticed, honey. We all have. The change in you." I looked back down, glancing to Carlisle for a brief second, "You're trying to force yourself to be okay with this, but that isn't how it should be."

"If I don't," I said, "Then I'll never be okay with it, and I can't do that."

"Oh, honey." She sighed, attempting to hug me into her side. Like she so often did before, but this time was different. I took a breath, and looked at her. As much as I wanted to accept the comfort she offered, I couldn't. She understood, and I gave her a sadly apologetic smile. She knew I didn't feel like smiling though, and it faded immediately.

I hope she'd forgive me someday. I sighed and moved, starting my climb down the tree. I had to slide a little bit to reach the ground, but I managed to reach the ground without hurting myself. I wasn't looking forward to this, but Esme was right. I needed to get passed this if I was going to have any sort of peace for the next five years.

I kept my eyes on the ground as I came to stand beside him, knowing he was watching me the entire way across the yard.

"I am different." I said eventually. I managed one small, real smile, "I let it go. Like you always told me to. It sucks, what happened before, but that's over now, so I try not to carry it around anymore."

"That's great." He was sincere, truthfully happy for me, "I'm proud of you." Talking to him about this first helped.

"I still don't know what I'll do about Ken, but Josh told me not to even worry about it." I continued, "That it's not up to him to decide who the boys are friends with." I paused, "I know you're worried about what I told him, but I trust him. He said he won't say a word to anyone, and having him know has made it so much easier on me. I'm not worried about losing them anymore, and I feel a lot better being as honest as I can with him."

"I know I was hard on you." He replied quietly, "I'm sorry."

"I should have gone home when you told me to the first time." I said, "I know I was a pain in the butt. I just wanted.. Five minutes to be normal. There's no one better to be normal with."

"Your father has been worried about you." He pointed out, and I glanced up at him. I knew how I was going to respond was going to hurt us both, but I couldn't help it. It was reflex.

"I know you have." I mumbled, and he looked back down at me, "And I know it bothers you how.. Distant I am, but I have to find some way to make it hurt less in five years, or I know I'll wind up wanting so bad to change my mind." I looked back down, "And it still hurts. Not as much as before, because I see you here with me now, and I'm slowly getting over it, but it still hurts. I can still see it."

"The vision?" He asked quietly, and I nodded.

"You don't even know what that did to me." I managed to say with a tight voice, "I can't even begin.." I trailed off, sighing a soft sob.

"I think I can imagine." He admitted, watching me rub my eyes quickly, "It made you agree to something you should never have."

"It's selfish." I finally said, sniffling quietly, "I'm a very selfish person." That surprised him, and I saw him look to me, "It was a selfish decision to accept that offer, and I know that, but I just couldn't watch that again. I knew that had I refused, we'd just be facing that same situation in.. A few months? Weeks? I couldn't live with that, so.." I trailed off again.

"You agreed to give yourself as much peace as you wanted to give us." He understood now, and I nodded again.

"If I hadn't been found," I said, "I probably would have stayed for the rest of time. It's not Edward's fault, and it's not Alice's fault. They had no choice but to let Aro see their thoughts, which was why I was taken at all. I _know_ that, but I think they think I blame them. I don't." I paused to wipe more tears from my cheeks and my eyes, shaking my head, "I don't. I don't even blame Aro, as stupid as it sounds."

"You don't?" He asked, "Can I ask why?"

"Because." I mumbled, hiding my hands in my pockets, "I saw his reasons. I knew them like they were my own reasons. It's weird to know a perfect stranger so well. Something I don't think a lot of people get, is that he doesn't think what he does is wrong. He doesn't think forcing people to fear him is wrong. I know better, and I know you know better, but who's to say that our version of wrong isn't someone's right? Or the other way around?"

I sighed, shrugging a little, "He justifies it by telling himself that someone has to control them. _Some_one has to enforce the rules, and that takes more force than you'd think. It's not like they can just ask nicely, you know? It takes work, and not many people can successfully do that." I sighed again, "I'm rambling. What was I saying?"

"His reasons." Carlisle prompted quietly.

I nodded a little, "To him, he's just after something he's wanted for so long. Something he's really wanted, but could never get. I don't even know how to describe it, but I can tell you that I've felt that way before. I know it's not even close to the same, but I've felt that way before. Wanting something even more with every passing second, and the desperation of knowing that it's just right there, that you'd do anything to take it."

"You're not an object, Leandra." He reminded me.

"I know that." I said, "But what I wanted wasn't an object either. What I wanted was a family, and that's not so different from what he's wanted for so long." I looked up, finally meeting his eyes again, "All he wants is someone who understands his gift like he understands it. He wants someone that can offer more than just physical strength, or a gift that has nothing to do with his to stand with him, and to him, a prophet is someone whose gift is even remotely close to what he can do. He's lonely. I know what that feels like." I paused, "Well, that, and he wants even _more_ power over the vampire population, but I try not to focus on that part."

"You are the most unselfish person I've ever met." He finally sighed, shaking his head a little.

"I still hate him." I corrected, "I hate him so much for something he hadn't even actually done, but that doesn't change the fact that I know. I do understand his reasons, as they're so close to what I've felt before." I sighed, frowning, "There's even so much more to it, but it's hard to really describe. I just get confused when I try, which is why I haven't tried yet."

I felt better. Getting a chance to speak this way. More of, allowing myself to try to explain where I was coming from, helped immensely. Especially to Carlisle.

"It's a lot of work," I said, "More than I thought it would be, but I might just be able to get the hang of this gift. I'm getting used to it." I rose one hand briefly, pulling my coat sleeve back a little to reveal the rubber band that inhabited my wrist, "And this is actually working. He knows his prophets. With these on, I feel a lot less overwhelmed. Like.. I know it's still there, and still working to sort itself out, but I don't have to pay attention to it twenty-four-seven like before."

"I'm happy to hear that." He allowed, sighing. He was still bothered. I knew that, but I was talking to him again.

"Okay." I sighed, "Okay. I'll try to tone back the distance for now. At least a little. It might hurt more in five years, but I hate not being able to relax. I hate being guarded so much, and so soon after what just.. Happened." I looked down, "And talking to you like this is helping. It still bothers me, what I saw, but talking helps. Just do me a favor."

"Of course." He said, waiting for me to continue.

"_Never_ do that to me again." I knew how funny that was for me to say, but he only smiled and pulled me to him in a hug. I debated for a minute, until I finally sighed and returned the hug. I couldn't not, "Oh, and buy me a house in Brazil." I added, smirking a little as I looked up at him.

"Maybe for your birthday." I laughed, actually laughed at his response. Together, we turned and headed inside the house, "But for right now, I still owe you a talk."

"About?" I asked, frowning in confusion.

"Josh." He answered. Emmett's eyes and smirk followed us as we walked by.

"Uh." I mumbled, remembering, "That's okay." I went to move away, but he kept hold.

"I'll be quick about it." He assured me, and I was already humiliated, "I failed to have Esme prepare you for your cycle, and I refuse to let this slide." We started up the stairs. Probably for his office.

"I know." I whined, already dreading it, "I already know how things.. Work."

"Then this will be faster." He said, "I want to make sure you fully understand. Before you see him again."

"Let her have it, Carlisle." Emmett laughed behind us from the living room.

"I'll never kiss anyone again." I bargained, "I swear."

"I highly doubt that."

I still had a permanent blush on my cheeks long after I was free to go, sitting humiliated on the couch. I ignored Emmett's smirk over at me, irritatedly snapping the rubber band around my left wrist.

"Come on, shorty." Emmett tried.

"Not a word." I grumbled, and he openly laughed now.

"It's not that bad." He said, "He just wants you prepared."

"Prepared for what?" I asked, "I'm eleven."

"And growing up with very curious boys as friends." He countered as if it were obvious. I appreciated the way he worded that, rather than calling them boyfriends, "As funny as the look on your face is, I can tell you that you really don't need to be so embarrassed about it."

"I'll be lucky if I can even look at them after that." I mumbled, and he sighed.

"You'll see." He said, "It's not a big deal."

When they eventually did arrive, he was right. I met them enthusiastically, unable to help it. I had missed them. Particularly one.

They just never stopped changing. Longer than three weeks away from them, and they were taller, their hair longer.

"I've got some catching up to do." I commented, smiling in Zack's direction.

"You're just doomed to be short." He teased, and I shoved him a little, laughing as I led them inside, closing the door.

Before I even made it fully into the living room, Ness was there. Grinning and waiting very obviously for her introduction. I sighed.

"You're pretty stealthy, aren't you?" I asked, and she only grinned in a more proud fashion. I introduced them, before leading all of them further into the living room. They seemed to like her right off the bat, getting along better with her than they had Lily. Somehow, that also helped me relax a little more.

I found myself wishing she could be around more often without them noticing how quickly she aged. She just made it more fun.

Jacob and Seth joined us that night, and it was interesting having to introduce those two as really good friends of the family. They were more than that, but it wasn't like I could go into specifics.

Unfortunately, after a few hours, we were running out of topics, and I didn't want to get bored, so I suggested the only thing I could think of right off the top of my head.

"Have you guys ever played truth or dare?" I asked, trying to ignore Ness' quiet laugh to my right.

"I'm sitting out." Seth immediately announced, "That's between you guys."

"I agree." Jacob chuckled, shaking his head as they both stepped back.

"We've played it." Zack answered, "But for us, it's more like.. Dare or dare. Nobody picks truth."

"You're going to this time." I said, crossing my legs.

"Who goes first?" Ness asked, looking to me.

"How about you, since you're the youngest." I offered, and she seemed to appreciate that.

For the most part, the game stayed innocent. There was one I couldn't do, though, because I didn't have what I needed, and Emmett wouldn't go and buy it for me. Neither would Jacob and Seth, and I sure as hell wasn't about to just wing it. Andrew had dared me to dye my hair. Bleach it, was what he said. I would have done it, had I had what I needed.

There was a whole lot of eating things that weren't meant to be eaten by itself. Salt, pepper, sugar, and the like. I didn't mind the sugar. There was a whole lot of eating things that weren't meant to be eaten at all. Grass, sticks, leaves, and the like. I didn't like that, but I wasn't about to chicken out.

Ness was actually the one that dared me to kiss Seth. So I did, right there on the cheek. I knew that wasn't what she meant, but she didn't specify, so I chose that instead. Seth grinned, and it was good enough for Ness.

"Keep playing." Ness told us when she had to leave with Edward that night, "Let me know who wins." We all whined, bidding her goodnight. I walked them to the door while the boys waited in the living room.

"Thank you." Edward told me, "For including her."

"Can she come back tomorrow?" I asked, and he smiled.

"I don't see why not." He answered, lifting her, "Have fun, Leandra." I smiled a little in return.

"I will."

And the game continued. Andrew was out, for refusing to answer a truth question, so he could only watch. It was after we moved the game into my room that I wished it'd been Zack that was out, instead of Andrew.

Josh had chosen dare, and Zack glared at his brother, more than determined to get him back for an earlier dare. Unfortunately, I was part of his revenge.

"I dare you to kiss her." Zack said, pointing at me, "A real kiss."

"What's that?" I asked, "I've kissed him before, Zack."

"Not really." He countered, noting with glee the look of hesitancy on Josh's face, "He knows what I mean. Like grown-ups do." I got it now, and I nervously looked to Josh.

"I've never learned how to do that." I said, shaking my head.

After a whole lot of arguing and quite a number of how-to videos from the internet, we sat facing each other on my bed. I would have been more than happy to accept defeat instead of having to do this, but Josh at least wanted to try.

It was different, much different than the kisses I'd given him before. It was hard at first to keep from refusing, but I didn't want to be the reason he lost, so I just dealt with it. It wasn't bad once we got used to it. As embarrassed and nervous I was, kissing him like this was definitely something I'd want to try again.

By the time we finally had to sleep, Josh had been the one to win. It amazed me how long a game like that could take to finish. Especially with that many people.

We didn't all fit on the bed anymore, having grown quite a bit since the last attempt. The boys had to find a place on the floor, and I laid awake, remembering the last time they'd spent the night. Six months before, for my birthday. July fourteenth. Now here it was, January third, and it felt like years had gone by. Once again, I was completely amazed at how much things could change.

It never failed to make my head spin, but it was becoming normal to me.

"Leandra." I turned my head in the dark toward where Josh had whispered from his spot on the floor, "You asleep?"

"No." I replied, "Just thinking about stuff."

"Me too." He admitted quietly.

"Come lay up here." I offered, "And we can be awake together."

I felt the bed dip a little, and his weight settle on the free side of the bed. He didn't say anything, and neither did I at first. Until I finally looked over at him, smiling in the dark.

"Remember the last time you were here?"

"And you were afraid to sleep in your bed?" He asked in return, and I scoffed a little.

"It was a little more than that." I replied quietly, looking up at the ceiling, "But yeah. And you helped me."

"I'm glad I could help." It was quiet for a few more minutes. I nearly started to fall asleep, until he spoke again, "I do like you, you know." I smiled a little, unable to help it.

"I know." I said, nodding a little. He waited, probably waiting for me to say something else, and eventually I did, "I like you, too."

"Probably not the same way." He said, and I heard the smile in his voice.

"I don't know about that." I shrugged a little, "But it's weird. I don't know.." I trailed off, trying to find the words. He laughed a little, keeping me from having to try to continue.

"I know what you mean." He said, "Thanks for telling me, at least. Let's not mention this conversation to Andrew. Poor guy probably couldn't handle much more."

I smiled a little, glancing in the direction he laid, "I agree."

The next day was dedicated to movies, since none of us felt like playing that game again. Least of all, Andrew. He seemed a little bitter, but nowhere near as bad as he was before. This time he at least attempted to act normal, but I could still tell.

Every chance we got, though, Josh and I kissed. When no one else was around, or looking, we'd kiss quickly before anyone would notice. It was sort of an unspoken thing. He didn't have to ask me, and I didn't have to ask him.

I lay lounging on the couch, Josh at my feet. Andrew in one chair, Zack in another. Eventually, Emmett decided he needed to oversee what we watched, and sat in with us. I still managed to look to Josh and smile now and then, but not without Emmett noticing.

Instead of finding it funny this time, he seemed suspicious.

The doorbell caught my attention around ten that morning, and I sat up slightly to look toward the door. I didn't bother getting up though, and truthfully, I was nervous that the boys would have to leave early. Then I recognized the voices being let in.

Alice had decided to call my dad. I stood up, jumped over Josh, and headed straight for the door.

He saw me and lifted me at the last second, laughing.

"Whoa." He laughed, hugging me, "Look at you."

"I know." I replied, "I got bigger."

"Not just that." He said, "You're tan. Looks like that vacation did you some good."

"It was something." I laughed, hopping down from his arms. Looking beside him, I spotted Lily. I greeted her with a side hug that she seemed to appreciate. Thankfully, he'd left the baby and Rachel at home.

"Come sit." I offered, turning and leading them toward the living room.

"So tell me about it." My dad prompted, "This sudden vacation. What made them decide to suddenly steal you off to Brazil?"

"Uh.." I glanced back at Esme who followed, and I managed to laugh nervously, "Well, I'd been feeling left out, so it was sort of a surprise." He nodded, accepting that.

"Must have been nice there." He said, sitting in the only free chair, "Especially this time of year."

"It was hot." I said, and he laughed along with me, "But yeah, it was nice."

"I'm a little jealous." He admitted, chuckling.

"Me too." Lily pouted, "You weren't here for Christmas."

"I'm sorry." I said to her, "I should have brought something back for you. I am happy to see you guys, though." I hugged her again.

Somehow, we all found a place to sit. Me, squished between Emmett and Josh. Zack having moved from the free chair to squish between Josh and the end of the couch. Lily, sitting on my dad's lap, was the first to spot Edward and Ness coming in. She didn't seem especially pleased, but curious.

I introduced them, of course the same way I introduced Ness to the boys the day before. Lily watched, Ness giving Lily a wide smile.

"I can sure see the resemblence." My dad commented to Edward, "You're sure she's not your sister?"

"I'm fairly certain." Edward chuckled in response.

Whereever Nessie was, Jacob had to be there within minutes. He was as bad as a stalker. Esme wound up finally bringing in bar stools from the kitchen, just so everyone would have a place to sit. Josh, of course, picked on Lily a little bit, but he wasn't mean.

"Why don't you and Renesmee go play?" My dad suggested to Lily, "I'm sure you two have a lot in common." Them being around the same age, was the reason behind his basic assumption. Ness, of course, looking only a couple of years younger than Lily.

"But dad-"

"Go on." He said, scooting her off his lap, "I'd like a chance to talk to your sister." Lily groaned, but that didn't seem to deter Nessie any. I watched after them, having a pretty good feeling that they would have a lot in common. Their personalities seemed about the same. Ness was already talking to her a hundred miles an hour.

"I don't want you to be upset with me." He started, and I frowned a little in confusion, "But I know you will be, so just let me explain before you start yelling at me." I leaned forward from my place on the couch, letting him know he had my attention.

"We're.. _Temporarily_.. Moving back to Idaho." That was a surprise, "In the spring."

"What?" I asked, "Why?"

"Rachel's mother hasn't been doing well." He explained, "And it's bothered her to be so far away in case things get worse." That made sense, "She wants to spend what time she has left with her, which just isn't possible while we're here."

"Oh." I said, nodding a little.

"I know I said I would be around, Kiddo, but sometimes-"

"I know." I said, nodding again, "I get it." He seemed surprised, "You'll eventually be coming back, right?" He nodded a little.

"And I'll still visit. Every chance I get." He said, "Honey, if there had been any way to get around this, I would have done it. Rachel even offered to live there while I stayed here, but I wasn't okay with that."

"I know." I repeated, "It's not your fault. Family is important."

"You're family too, you know." He reminded me, frowning a little, "Remember?"

"I remember." I said a little hesitantly, "But I'm fine here. I'm perfectly okay, but her mom isn't. It's about spending time with the ones that don't have a lot of time left to spend that matters, dad."

Again, he seemed surprised.

"Well," He sighed, chuckling a little, "I'm glad you seem to be okay with this."

"I'll be alright." I assured him, "I'll still see you, like you said." I laughed a little, "You thought I would yell at you for thinking about Rachel's feelings?"

"No," He said, "I thought you'd yell at me for even considering leaving you again."

"You have a family." I reminded him quietly, "You have yours, and I have mine. It's pretty confusing to think about, but you just have to do what you have to do. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere any time soon. I'm a little stuck."

They left not long later, much to Lily's relief. Lily had a friend's house to go to that night, which was why my dad thought to bring her along.

I remained smashed up against Emmett's side, but Ness chose to squeeze herself in between Josh and I. Emmett deeply approved, and to my surprise, Andrew did as well. Ness was smarter than I gave her credit for.

Saturday night, I got the talking-to I was waiting for.

"Go ahead and start the movie, guys." I called, on my way to follow Jasper, "I'll be back in a minute."

I followed him into Carlisle's office.

"This won't take long." Jasper told me, and I leaned up against the back of the chair, looking between Jasper and Carlisle, "I think you know what this is about."

"The boys?" I asked, "I already know. Avoid them at all costs." I was being sarcastic, not at all looking forward to another discussion like the one the day before.

"No." He said, shaking his head a little, "Your fascination with danger?"

"Oh." I said, nodding slowly, "The stupid snake? It was right there, and if you hadn't left me alone so long, I wouldn't have been out there to make friends with it-"

"That stupid snake," He said, "Is called the Micrurus Spixii. Or the Amazon Coral Snake." I waited for that name to make sense to me, "This look familiar?" He turned the laptop to me, and I looked over the picture.

"Yeah." I said immediately, "That's what it looked like. Except the yellow parts were white."

"That stupid snake," He repeated, "Is one of the deadliest snakes in the area, Leandra."

"I knew that." I admitted, nodding.

"And yet, you decided it was a good idea to play with it?" Jasper asked, astounded.

"Sure." I said, "I mean, it didn't look mad. It wasn't mad that I picked it up, so I wasn't worried." He sighed, looking to Carlisle briefly before looking to me again.

"I never noticed this being a problem with you, until recently, when I felt the emotions you feel under a very direct threat."

"Huh?" I asked, frowning.

"A small part of you has a large appreciation for adrenaline." He explained, "Hense, the running off in search of trouble, following where you know the path will lead to danger, picking strange animals off of a _tree_ to play with.." He trailed off, and I rolled my eyes, sighing a little, "My point is, if you don't start to recognize this issue soon, it'll become a problem. More than it already has."

I waved it off. I didn't believe what he said, and even if I had, there wasn't much I could do about it. There were worse things I could have a large appreciation for. I went to turn, to leave, but he called me back.

"And Leandra." I turned, looking back at his smirk, "I would tone down the smiles just a little bit, or you risk tossing Josh to a very protective Emmett." That bit of advice I did listen to. I blushed deeply, but I did listen to him.

I still kissed Josh, but a lot more discreetly. Mostly now without him even expecting it, and moving before he could react.

Most of Sunday was spent climbing trees. This time for fun.

Of course, I was the quickest out of all of them. They were stronger, but I was lighter, and had more experience. By the afternoon, our hands were so sore, but it was worth it.

"Ha." I laughed down at them, "Get out of my tree."

"You've got to be part monkey." Andrew laughed from the ground, looking up at us.

"Maybe." I allowed, "But I still win."

"So have you talked to your parents about coming back to school?" Zack asked from the lowest branch.

I'd actually forgotten about that. I had mentioned I would, hadn't I? Again, that seemed like so long ago. Before the problem with Ken. I still didn't know what I would do about that.

"Not yet." I admitted, "I haven't really had the chance to."

"It's not so bad, Leandra." Andrew assured me, "Really."

"I know." I shrugged, "I just don't really fit in with them. You remember how that went. I was pulled out for not only their safety, but mine."

"But you fit in with us." Josh reminded me, "You can just ignore everyone else."

"I've tried." I shook my head a little, "I hate them too much to ignore them. You're the only humans I tolerate." That was the first time I'd actually put it like that to them, and I hoped they didn't look too far into it.

"Just try for like a week." Zack suggested to my relief, breezing right over that little mention, "A no commitment sort of thing. You can do that, right?"

"I'm just worried about getting into trouble like before." I confessed, "I could really do without visiting Tacoma again."

"We won't let you get into any fights." Zack promised.

"I would probably hit you if you tried to stop me." I warned, and he laughed a little.

"Then we'll get hit." He replied, watching as I started my descent down the tree, "You've got two more of us now. At least, until the fall when Josh starts high school, but even then. We might not have the same classes at the same time, but we could see each other more often."

I stopped on his branch, already thinking. Was seeing them more often really a smart idea? I settled down to sit beside him, sighing a little. Seeing them more often didn't sound like a bad thing, but I wasn't up to testing myself at school again yet.

Just like with my family, I wasn't up to starting the distance thing yet. I'd had plenty of that in the last couple of months, and was pretty fed up with it, to be honest with myself. I shook my head a little, looking over at Zack and his hopeful smile greeted me. I would find some way to distance myself from them later. For now, I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to be happy while I could.

"I'll think about it." I said, and he laughed.

"You said that last time." He countered.

"That means 'No' in girl-speak." Andrew translated, "Along with 'Maybe'."

As a response to that, I only reached over, placing my arm around Zack's neck and hugging him tightly. He didn't seem to mind, returning the embrace.

"I'll be around more often." I said, "It'll be like before."

"How do you know?" Josh asked, landing on our branch as well. He took the spot on my other side, nearest the trunk of the tree.

"Because I know nothing will come up again." I replied, "Not for a long time."

"It won't be like before, though." Andrew pointed out, climbing up as well, "It won't ever be the same."

"I know." I said, watching him settle to Zack's other side, "But it could be better. You never know."

"It could be worse, too." He pointed out, and I smiled a little.

"I think it's how you look at it." I commented, "Different doesn't automatically mean bad. Just different. If you choose to see it as bad, then it'll be bad. If you choose to be happy, then you will be. That's how it works."

I would spend the time I had here happy. I wouldn't accept anything else. I was done worrying. I was done being afraid, and I was done being cautious.

With my future pretty much set in stone, there wasn't anything I could do to change it, so why bother worrying about it? From then on, I would do what I wanted, and I would make sure to never let myself regret a single thing I did for myself.

I would never let a moment go by where I didn't let everyone in my life know how much I appreciated them. If there was one major thing I learned from that vision, it was to never take what I had for granted. Things could change in the blink of an eye. Everything good I had could be taken in a split second.

Nothing was forever. I would live by that.

If that meant spending as much time with my family as I could, I would. If that meant spending as much time with my friends as I could, I would. If that meant never allowing myself another moment of sadness, or worry at the thought of what waited for me at the end of these five years, I would.

I would save that for after, and I would stay happy this time if it killed me. I knew there would be times when I would be mad at the world, or dread it more often than others, but I could get passed that.

I wondered what it would be like, for once, to grow up with these guys until I had to leave. The chance to do that, to just stay for as long as I could, was worth every moment of inevitable dread or anger I would face later. I'd just enjoy my time now.

"Hey guys?" Josh muttered, and we all looked at him, "Do you think this branch can hold all of us for much longer?"

"Let's hope." I laughed, hugging Zack tighter.

**A/N: Took me long enough to throw this together. Man, RL would not leave me alone! If this seems a little jumpy, that's because I am.  
And! And, and, and! Holy crackers, I got _nine_ reviews that last chapter! All of you are awesome! I _seriously_ mean that! Ahh! I could just hug all of you!  
****Okay, just a bit of a heads up. It could be quite a wait for the first chapter of the next story.  
A little bit of info about the upcoming story: First, it will be titled the same, just as every other story in this list has been. Only with "RE-VAMPED" at the end. So keep on the lookout for that.**  
**Second, pay close attention to her way of thinking in this epilogue. Just sayin'.**  
**AND! Third! Something I'm personally pretty excited about, another of my OCs are going to make his entrance in the next story.** **I'm fairly sure not many of you are familiar with the story series I had put together before this one, but for those of you who are, you should be just as excited, because I know you'll recognize him. I wasn't going to do it, but... It has to be done.  
*Claps enthusiastically* This is going to be so fun!**  
**I hope you enjoyed this epilogue, and I'll see all of you next story! :D**


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